Cyclical Interests

[BabyLex]

For some AB/DL interests are a 24/7 thing, for others they're just inkling that never come to fruition and will forever remain buried in the depths of the subconscious. For others they're a part of continual fetishes related to other interests, some enjoy their AB/DL interests as a stable, but contained, part of their lives, with different people have a wholely integrated approach. But, for some of us, the interest in one that seems to be cyclical and run in cycles.

If you are one of those people, you can probably attest to the tendency to go through binge and purge cycles. In my own experience this was marked by a rapid cycle of acquiring lots of AB props, playing almost nonstop for a day or two, then doing it again at the next opportunity, perhaps the next weekend, next time the spouse was away or something, and I'd enjoy every minute of baby play... but then my interest would wane until I found myself wondering if I'd ever be interested in playing 'baby' again. It started to seem like something I 'wanted to want' versus actually wanted, and I got distracted by other ('shiny', 'cool', 'more interesting') things. Then it might be months to years before I felt the little infant in me throwing a tantrum, wanting some attention and wanting to get out. At which point there was no stopping it, and I went straight back into AB play.... and as before eventually the enjoyment waned.

Prima facia one might assume that their own experience isn't indicative of a social trend. However given that others have echoed similar patterns in their own lives I think it's safe to say that my own relationship to AB play isn't isolated or ex nihilo. So given that many of us share this quality I'm interested in exploring where it stems from.

Ceteris paribus those of us with cyclical interests in AB/DL play are more likely stimulated and inhibited by specific triggers. It's been theorized that issues such as stress, frustration, and reminders of a troubled past can be triggers for one's AB/DL interests. I'm curious how accurate those assumptions are, and additionally I'm curious why the interest wanes. But I'd like to put forth a few ideas...

Let's postulate for a moment that there are triggers which stimulate interest in AB play. Assuming the trigger was constantly being stimulated then, hypothetically, one would remain interested and engaged in their AB/DL enjoyments ad infinitum. However, at some point they lose interest. But why? Is it because the trigger is no longer being stimulated and thus the need for AB/DL play is over, or is it because at some point the play loses its intended effect, whether that be coping or entertainment?

An alternate suggestion is that AB play is a response to a specific trigger, and once one engages in said play it mitigates the effects of the trigger and thus is a self-defeating interest. In which case it would be considered a self-regulating activity, the act of AB play itself limits one's interest in it. Unlike a positive feedback loop (likely experience by our 24/7 contingent) where the enjoyment of AB play stimulates more AB play. And unlike those who are constantly inhibited by AB play (the thought of playing as a baby/in diapers) causes them to reject the idea twofold, those with a self-regulating interest are sparked by something, enjoy the play, and the act of playing reduces their interest in it.

--

Upon reflection I find myself considering my own past. I think I've always been overly inhibited and embarrassed about anyone else knowing about my AB side, and thus kept it a secret. Like a mistress one only keeps only sly trysts with in the dark of night. This relationship to my AB side developed into an unhealthy addiction. And whenever one builds that kind relationship with something they treat it in kind. Ideally, I wouldn't have gone through that time in my life, but c'est la vie. At this point I'm more comfortable and open with my AB interests, and don't keep them hidden in the closet, I'm open with my spouse about my interests, and while I haven't fully taken advantage of that situation, I've nevertheless become more comfortable with the opportunity to do so. Instead of my interests running in 'binge-and-purge' cycles, I'm finding a more sustainable middle ground in which my absolute passion for indulging AB play has somewhat diminished, but instead of being an explosion of passion, once in a while, it's become a slow burning candle which is consistently alight. This change has been a somewhat difficult transition, as I sleep nightly with my teddy under one arm and a little bottle on my nightstand, other aspects of playing Lex the two year old seem to have faded. I'm curious if this is a temporary side effect of undergoing a transition phase or if it's suggestive of a larger scale change... only time will tell.

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I'm curious if those who go through cycles could share why they believe their interests are cyclical.

As well is there anyone who -was- cyclical who's become more consistent on one side or the other. I'd love to hear what that was like.

Always the curious lil' one, twying to learn...

--Lex

[storey]

I go through cycles where I'm very big into the whole AB thing and then times where I want nothing to do with it. I'm not totally sure when my want for AB play really kicks in, but I've noticed lately that it tends to kick in after a really stressful time. I have other ways to cope when I get stressed (not so good ways, might I add), and it seems like after that I need someone to care for me and nuture me.

I had more to say but I have forgotten...

[Pipsqueak]

A quick reply for the moment as I'm headed out the door to brunch ...

I was always cyclical and I have always felt that stress was the trigger. I tend to be a highly responsible perfectionist and when things would get overwhelming my mind would rebel and I'd fixate on diapers. As you said, after a day or two of indulging that, the interest would evaporate for months on end.

I have noticed an interesting development over the last couple of years though. As I became comfortable and accepting of that part of me, that cyclical aspect has all but disappeared. AB stuff is no longer something I "need" to do so much as it is something I now enjoy doing. (I don't mean that it's entirely a choice for me now, as I think if I denied it again for long periods of time that cycling would come back, but I don't feel that all-consuming need.) I think it was reaching a point within myself where I thought "this is fun! I like it. I now wouldn't want to get rid of it" that possibly changed things for me. I now indulge it regularly. I don't wait for it to creep up on me and grab me from behind. It's always there for when I have time to relax and play. And if I'm starting to get stressed I'll wear a diaper to bed just to comfort me.

[babylin]

OK so I'm a Neanderthal, but since Baby Lex's inquiry concerns cyclic desires, what about hormones? I'm sure us guys have them too, but at the risk of broaching a taboo subject, is it possible there is a trigger in a woman's menstrual cycle that might affect her desire to wear diapers? I've not kept track, but is it possible there is a lunar effect on men also?

HAPPINESS IS WEARING COTTON DIAPERS

[Pipsqueak]

I'm sure us guys have them too, but at the risk of broaching a taboo subject, is it possible there is a trigger in a woman's menstrual cycle that might affect her desire to wear diapers?

An interesting idea, babylin. I'm not sure that's the case though ... at least with me. My cycles of diaper use didn't have a recognizable time pattern that I could see. I might go for months without wearing or I might go a year and a half. There was no regular pattern the way there is with menstrual cycles. You get to know that certain "symptoms" appear at regularly scheduled intervals. Diapers were never like that for me. I do know that most of the time I was under stress when I felt the need to wear, though. So you may be onto something about a hormonal trigger as stress and anxiety cause a massive release of adrenaline and cortisol into the system. They might not be the sex hormones associated with menstrual cycles but they are still hormones.

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

Intersting Post, Lex.

For me, stress is still a major trigger, but there are/were many others. At one time in my life I found diaper play to be the solution for just about everything. For example: If I was feeling down, wearing diapers would cheer me up; if I was sick, wearing would make me feel a little better; and likewise, if I was in a good mood, wearing would enhance my mood. Like Pipsqueak, I had a tendency early on to fixate on diapers to escape, change or enhance my moods. However, as I matured as an adult, I found, or forced myself to find, other ways of dealing with these emotions. Also, I have always found it difficult to deal with anything being forced upon me. I prefer to take a step back or escape first, and then deal with the situation on my own terms at a later time. Unfortunately, I can't always do this as diaper play requires a certain amount of privacy and time, and I don't always have that luxury.

IMO, I think you are going to find that there are a limitless number of triggers that induce or encourage diaper play and as we grow and mature these triggers may change. However, some triggers are permanent and forever imprinted in our minds. I think these are the triggers that don't allow us to give up our diapers and we may not even know what they are.

Although I don't actively promote accepting our lifestyle as a solution, I think that has to be an individual choice, I do feel I have personally benefited greatly and have found more peace of mind after I started accepting my AB/DL/S as a part of me and my life. This change in mind-set has allowed me to be more proactive about wearing and feel better about myself on a more consistant basis. Additionally, I think wearing more regularly has suppressed and/or eliminated some of those triggers which used to send me begging for a diaper timeout. Still, there is a fine line between wanting and needing to wear diapers as a way of dealing with life situations as an adult and I still struggle with this.

[catiie pie]

It's definitely cyclical for me, and there seems to be some sort of hormonal component, too -- I always have the strongest desires when I'm PMSing, though I don't have them every cycle.

[BabyLex]

Thanks for your responses, this is an interesting topic to me. My life is really busy right now, between work and school, I'm finding myself with limited amounts of sleep and trying to stay on top of my responsibilities. This is a time in my life when I'm an an AB lull. Even though I'd really enjoy some playtime as 'BabyLex' I have to be adult Lex right now. I think a part of my baby play is based on having the time available to enjoy myself in that role, without external responsibilities. Perhaps my interests are proportional to how much free time I have. I'll have to think on that.

Thanks for your thoughts!

--Lex