Minivan Harness (Childhood Experience)

[catscradle]

I’m new here. Sorry if I’ve posted this in the wrong place!

I decided to join because I want to share/explore/understand something from my childhood which has become really big in my life now. I have no idea why I feel the way I do about this one thing, but here goes…

Right before middle school, my parents bought a minivan from a family we knew well. It didn’t have a full seat belt in the middle seat and the family had fitted this special harness. Being the youngest of three, my parents made me sit in the middle seat between my brothers and I had to wear the harness which I really hated.

Today, for whatever reason, I miss it. I have a strong desire to be back wearing it which I think about every time I’m in a car (especially when I’m not the one driving). It's not a kinky thing at all (which is partly why I thought a lot about joining here), but just this intense wish to have that feeling back. I don’t just mean wearing the harness but the general situation and routine of having to wear it as well.

I had to wear it from the summer before middle school until sometime into my sophomore year in high school. I have loads of memories and I wonder whether my experience being when it was, for as long as it was, had some sort of influence to make it what it is to me now?

I don’t want anyone to think I’m expecting any sort of special/qualified assistance or anything like that at all. I just want to share and try to understand why this thing I hated in my childhood has morphed into some big thing in my adult life. Folks here seem really supportive and open to these sorts of discussions, so I hope I’m okay to post so openly with no specific question! Thanks.

[Little Matt]

I think it's really common for people to look back on something from their childhood that they hated at the time and have a very different view of it. Maybe it was just embarrassing at the time because, as a kid or teenager, it was very important to appear grown-up. And now that that's not an issue you can see it also meant somebody cared for you and was looking out for you. Or maybe it's something else. Point is that it's very normal. Definitely a lot of people here with similar feelings, but I don't think you have to be ABDL to understand.

[Apache Raccoon]

@catscradle

Hey so I had an idea:

What about ripping out your cars front seats and seatbelts and installing bucket seats and racing harnesses?

Then you'd have cool racing seats and more importantly the special harnesses that you'd have to wear every time you sat in the front of the car.

[Little Sam]

8 hours ago, Little Matt said:

I think it's really common for people to look back on something from their childhood that they hated at the time and have a very different view of it.

ROFL yeah I don't think many folk enjoyed being spanked when they were kids.

[TinyBunny]

I think that you are yearning to feel safe and looked after.  It's the same for me when I look at pictures of large cosy cribs on the internet and I think "I'd be trapped but it'd be for my own safety and someone would be keeping me safe because they love me."

I have sat in a large stroller at an ageplay event but I had to operate the straps myself.  If I'd had my mittens on then I'd have needed extra help and that would have been lovely.

When I was 22 I was in hospital for some treatment and a nurse asked me "Do you want me to feed you?" and my automatic reflex was to say "No, it's okay" and then afterwards I felt sad because I knew that I like being looked after but I just had to choose the most inconvenient moment to decide that I wanted to try and be independent

[catscradle]

On 11/4/2023 at 10:21 AM, Little Matt said:

I think it's really common for people to look back on something from their childhood that they hated at the time and have a very different view of it. Maybe it was just embarrassing at the time because, as a kid or teenager, it was very important to appear grown-up. And now that that's not an issue you can see it also meant somebody cared for you and was looking out for you. Or maybe it's something else. Point is that it's very normal. Definitely a lot of people here with similar feelings, but I don't think you have to be ABDL to understand.

Thanks, I appreciate that. I’ve never thought about it as normal, but perhaps you’re right. 🙂

I desperately wished to be "as old as" my brothers. I used to hate it when I couldn’t do things with them, even when we fought (which was a lot!).

I think the harness also made me feel like a burden in some way. With sitting in the middle I always had to be the first in. I can vividly remember the routine of having the harness put on me, climbing in, and getting buckled in. I spent so many times sitting strapped in with the door and tailgate open as my parents finished loading up whatever we had (groceries, bags, outdoor gear, etc.). I used to get annoyed I couldn’t help because my brothers always did. That seems so dumb to me now because they as always had to help with bags and things – they didn’t want to but had to, I didn’t have to but wanted to.

I totally felt cared for too. I just think I felt like that almost too much at the time. Does that make sense? The only time I didn’t feel that way (completely incorrectly of course – I was always cared for) was when I got older. I used to argue with my parents that they only had me sit in the middle so my brothers didn’t fight with each other. My parents always swore that wasn’t the case. It actually wasn’t, but I maybe wonder if there was a slice of truth there.

I guess I see it all now as a wish not to be responsible. As I got older, went into high school, started dressing as I wanted (or as near as my parents let me!), having to wear the harness was the only thing I didn’t get any say in. I wonder whether that left me with some wish to always have one thing that I don’t want responsibility for? I’m thinking out loud. Could be nonsense. Does that make any sense?

 

On 11/4/2023 at 5:58 PM, Apache Raccoon said:

@catscradle

Hey so I had an idea:

What about ripping out your cars front seats and seatbelts and installing bucket seats and racing harnesses?

Then you'd have cool racing seats and more importantly the special harnesses that you'd have to wear every time you sat in the front of the car.

 

It wouldn’t feel like my old harness at all. 🙁 Plus, I don’t really like the whole modified car thing. I lease my car too so couldn’t even if I wanted to.

 

On 11/5/2023 at 4:10 PM, TinyBunny said:

I think that you are yearning to feel safe and looked after.  It's the same for me when I look at pictures of large cosy cribs on the internet and I think "I'd be trapped but it'd be for my own safety and someone would be keeping me safe because they love me."

I have sat in a large stroller at an ageplay event but I had to operate the straps myself.  If I'd had my mittens on then I'd have needed extra help and that would have been lovely.

When I was 22 I was in hospital for some treatment and a nurse asked me "Do you want me to feed you?" and my automatic reflex was to say "No, it's okay" and then afterwards I felt sad because I knew that I like being looked after but I just had to choose the most inconvenient moment to decide that I wanted to try and be independent

Thanks. 🙂

That makes sense. I certainly hated it as much as I felt safe having to wear it. The more I think about it, the more I think the harness sort of wound up being the only thing I didn’t have control over at a “critical age” (or something like that). My parents never stopped with the “we don’t debate safety” line. I tried all sorts of arguments to “prove them wrong” but always knew I couldn’t really do that because I was safe.

A lot of my feelings - maybe like what you’re saying about the stroller - came from not being able to do it myself because of the way it worked. I can remember trying to refuse to have it put on a few times. I say try because my efforts were lame as I didn’t want to upset my parents (lol). I spent so many times watching my parents finish loading up while sitting strapped in and not able to help. I really hated that not being able to buckle the harness myself excluded me from that stuff. I don’t understand why really because loading groceries is hardly interesting to anyone, let alone a kid of my age then. It was other stuff too – waiting for everyone else to load stuff, get in when they were outside for whatever reason. I don’t know if that counts as a loss of independence? Seems like such a small thing. Though perhaps not when I think about the waiting before we drove and after we stopped combined with the times when we were driving. Does that make any sense at all?