excuse me for this, but i dont know how much more i can take

[feralfreak]

last wednesday, my mom had to be taken to an urgent care, not her heart this time but it was her diverticulum, they did a ct scan and it showed she has a small perforation, so they sent her by ambulance to a hospital, thankfully not the murder and malpractice center, but it seems the wards of the other one is lacking as well, more about that later. she has to have surgery, they thought they were gonna go ahead and do an operation but they changed their mind, she is on blood thinners for her heart so they stopped those wednesday night when she got there, thursday night rolls around and a friend brings me up to stay with her, that night, without blood thinners, not even any heparin although they talked about giving it, she had EXTREME chest pain, they had no nitro ordered and didnt give her any, she had to do a "no no" as she put it and take her own, and told me to call a friend of the family that is strong in faith to pray for her, it felt just like a heart attack to her, and she had 3 before, thank God the 1st dose brought it down from a 10 to a 2, a nurse gave her oxygen and it went away, they did 3 troponins on her and they turned out negative, thank God, but i was still uneasy about that 3rd one because it was 13, and an M.I. is 15 i think, friday they surprised her with a stress test, no doc coming in to talk with her about it or anything, a nurse just showed up with a wheelchair and said "your're going for a stress test, for the first time she passed it, she was smiling through it, her ejection fraction was 77 in it and i was thanking God for that,  later a nurse comes in and says "you're NPO after midnight, they wanna do a cath on you", EVEN MORE STRESS!!!!!!!!

she refused saying she wasnt consenting to any cath until a doc talks to her and convinces her, they tried to medicate her for it 3 times and each time it was "no! not until a cardiologist can explain to my satisfaction why its needed, especially when the stress test was good!"

she had visits from 2 gastro docs, one was a colorectal surgeon, and said the plan is to go 6-8 weeks without a flare up if possible, and do the surgery controlled and with a robot, laproscopically, sort of a cut and paste for an easy way to explain it, taking out 6-8 inches of colon, she was discharged sunday, had no problems monday and then tuesday morning she tells me "son, im gonna have to go back to the hospital" she was having bad pain there, ginger tea didnt help, she woke up at 5am in pain, i think on the ride to the hospital some phinergan started to work a little, we had to wait a long time to get a place for her in the er, ok i can understand they had 4 ambulances come in when they told us it would be a while, even more after that but it dont make it easier. when they got room for her they gave her some toridol and saline solution, good news is things settled down, i need to go get her script later today for some oral toridol, i can do that.

as for the problem on the ward she was admitted to before, the doctors dont communicate with each other, doctors orders are followed if its convienient! a doc ordered scud pumps for her legs and she didnt get them until almost 2 days later, after a doc chewed the nurses out for not getting them, no consultation about anything cardiac, no orders for nitro after stopping her thinners just in case, no ordering even heparin after changing their mind to wait, and i believe that caused a rebound effect causing that chest pain and giving me an all new adventure in stress, when heparin was finally ordered it was to be given q8h, every 8 hours, once i had to go out there and remind them after they missed a dose, another time a nurse said "oh we give those at 10 and 10, so some days she denied ordered doses, other than waiting so long the er is good, no complaints there, but the wards are shit! there was a small handful of good nurses, thats it. i could even hear a tv show being watched in the nurses station! are they suppose to be watching tv or watching patients?!

with all this it feels like a sword of damocles over my head, i do everything i can to keep mom alive and sometimes i dont know how much more i can handle, why wont God just take me out of this meatsuit already?!