Stay Away From Negative People.

[Demon-hunter]

Here's a motivational video

 

[~Brian~]

@Demon-hunter

good morning: I've read the post that you are talking about when you ended up seeing that you are having difficulty! I know that it can be hard sometimes, and that people that are toxic can really ruin whatever energy you have, if you have positive energy, they try to suck everything you have out of you, to make you feel as low as they do, and then they can use their own attack strategy to make you feel as worthless as a $2 bill that's ripped in half!

Yesterday, I was looking through files on my computer, and I went to the Facebook page of my church! They had posted pictures of the work they had done since the flood to remove damaged items and they also showed the damage level that they were dealing with with water and with the damage to the downstairs area of the church, where we had the food pantry, my thrift store, and other things that were downstairs. The damage itself was devastating and I mean devastating! This is the worst I've seen it since I started working there about 15 years ago, and I don't use that particular word lightly- this was really bad! Regardless of how bad it gets, I've always been told that you can do amazing things to make things happen if you have the right people in your corner. When I looked at all of those pictures and thought of all the work that we had done over the last 15 years it is overwhelming, it is gut wrenching, it is terrible! I did look through several other pictures on Facebook, and found a video that my pastor had posted. In this video he tells us that we can do it and that the church itself is only a building, and its the people that make the church what it is and not really the building itself. He keeps telling us in the video we got this we got this we got this! I do not know exactly how we're going to get this, but I do have faith that God will help us figure out exactly what it is that we have to do, and if he wants us to continue the way he wants us to continue he will provide or have a way for us to move forward! As the pastor said the people are what make the church the important thing, not just the building! We have to think positively about a lot of different things, sure we just had a nasty flood, flooding the entire city, flooding my city as well, and most of the state of Vermont! However, there are always people that will be there to help us, and I am what they call Vermont Strong, just like when we had the attacks on the World Trade Center: September 11th, I actually saw the people of New York, the people of the United States and the people that respond when we need help push to their limits, because it's their job to help us when we're in trouble, and I can tell you right now based on what I saw that day, it renewed my faith in the fact that there are people out there that care, there are people out there that want to knock out the idiots that cause problems for those who are doing what they're supposed to do! Nowhere did I expect that on that day in 2001 we would end up with two planes hitting the World Trade Center one hitting the Pentagon, and a bunch of other things that happened! Yes it was tragic and it was devastating, and although the September 11th attacks do not even come close to what I saw downstairs in my church, the idea that everyone works together, everybody comes together to help those, well those are the types of people that we need around us!

There's a couple of times for example that yelled at my parents! I'm 51 years old, and it just seems like every single time that we had a discussion when they're standing in my apartment, there's always some discussion about how clean my apartment is, And I think I'm doing a pretty good job, but I do have several storage shelves in my living room area that look like a warehouse because everything is just sitting on the shelf out in the open for everybody to see, so it makes the place look like a disaster, but it is an organized bunch of stuff! I still have to have someone come in and remove several things like the recyclables that can go to the recycling center, but there's nobody to do it for me at this time! I always tell my parents that I have people coming in here, but it just seems like it's just nasty and I don't think they understand that it's hard for me, but I don't want to dwell on the negative things! I have people that can support me I have people that do support me and I want to be around those people rather than the ones that are negative and non helpful! Don't get me wrong, I love my parents with all my heart, but sometimes they just make me so mad I wanna scream! They have the ability to move they have the ability to drive they have the ability to do a lot of things that I could never do on my life, and even though they are 70 some odd years old, it makes sense what they're saying, but they end up seeing it in such a negative way that it draws most of the energy away from me. I'd rather be around my brothers, and around people like my father my stepmom and other people that support me and don't try to hammer on me because of my deficiencies.

Being married to a toxic individual or being in a toxic relationship is a bad thing! Part of the reason why people that are toxic do what they do in my opinion is because they find a person that is happy or a person that is not in the same condition they are, and they try to make it so bad for the individual that any energy or any happiness they had in their life is sucked out so then the person who is causing the toxic relationship can fill your head with a bunch of stuff that makes no sense, will make you tired, will make you sad, and could result in you end up doing silly things, because all the negativity in their lives! They make everybody else feel lousy,....oesn't help anyone in the near future And it's like somebody pouring gasoline on a fire and making it worse!

Whatever happens my friend! Remember: you need to be happy, you need to remain healthy, and you need to be able to do whatever you need to do to make that possible! I've seen toxic relationships where it gets really really heated: i've seen times when for example in one of my dad's former marriages where there were four words used to describe my father, and that made me the modest I've been in all of my life! Regardless of that fact I had to bite my tongue and I had to hold my place, because I was the oldest of five guys, and I could not lose my temper in front of them! Regardless of what happened, those four words that were used to describe my father hurt me to the core! My dad is a hard working man, and he went through a lot of stuff in his life, raising three sons, several stepchildren, and both of his older sons me and my brother Richard were disabled, and his sister was also disabled, so he helped with that whenever possible, but my dad is a strong man not a weak 1 and I've learned a lot from dealing with stuff like that, and that is that people can throw negative barbs your way, some of it can be caused because someone is upset, but I'll tell you you need to be happy, and if this relationship does not give you that happiness, you must do something to take care of it! There's no reason why in my opinion you should have to live in that type of environment where your wife is just being an idiot, or just being a hard nose and won't or can't understand the way you feel! She might have gone through some hard times too, that's a given, but you need to be happy as well, and if you keep on dealing with a relationship that is toxic, that will draw every single bit of energy and good spirit and everything out of you, and you'll be a broken man! I remember when my dad finally said that he was getting a divorce:  I remember two weeks before that, my dad came down to see me and he looked like he was a withered man! By that I mean that it looked like everything that made him the special guy he was was gone: he was doing what he had to do when he was on autopilot, and that was the first time that I realized that my dad may be in a lot of trouble! After those two weeks, he finally came down and he told me that he was getting a divorce! When I heard that I gave my dad a hug I gave him a handshake and I said I love you dad! after that, I think I called my mom and said I think I got my dad back! Mom was wondering what the heck did I mean? The man that I know is my dad is a smart intelligent witty loving guy, who would do anything to help you, and he does what he can when he can how he chooses to do it! All I've ever wanted for my dad was happiness, and he has that now with his wife, and he doesn't have to worry about strife and he doesn't have to worry about negative influence, because he will avoid it, and he told me the same thing! People that are negative do not help you, and that is why several times my dad has avoided negativity to the best ofRegardless of what happens, you need to be happy.  FULL STOP!  There's nothing else that matters, you need to get your bearings and be able to understand that regardless of what happens, you need to be happy, and this relationship in my opinion does not do that for you!

I say this with the most utmost respect for you! It seems as if your wife was very supportive of your lifestyle where you were wearing diapers and everything else, and then after a while it just fizzled out, and she used to get after you all the time! One of the things I learned when I went through my journey, which I'm still going through, I learned that I am incontinent, I am a diaper lover, I've always been that way, I've wired that way, and I always will be what I am where I am who I am and wired the way I was! It doesn't matter whether you have your current wife or someone else! Those things will never change, and regardless of how hard you try to change that, it's very hard very hard to change what is already there, it took me a long time to come to the realization that I am what I am, and that I don't have to feel negativity and sorrow and all the negative things about it. I do wear diapers, I need to wear diapers, and I like to wear diapers! And I've noticed that since I started wearing them 24/7, I feel a lot more confident, I'm not afraid of it anymore and I'm not going to let anyone else tell me otherwise! If there's one thing that I realized it's that I have neglected myself far too long, and I'm worrying about everybody else, and while it is okay to worry about your family and your friends and things like that, your first objective is to take care of yourself! For example if you fall into a mud puddle and you're covered from head to toe in mud, you're going to get in that shower and you're going to turn it on and you're going to run that shower and you're going to clean yourself up and then you're going to get ready and you're going to feel a lot better because you're not dirty anymore! In this case you have a lot of baggage and you have things that you have to discuss with your wife if that's the way it comes to it, and regardless of what happens you need to be happy you need to be confident and you need to keep your head up! No one's gonna change who you are or what you are simply by not acknowledging that you are who you are! Your wife might not like what you are now, even if she did it in the past and she liked it or accepted it, but it shouldn't be used as something against you, because that can also be bad!

Imagine if someone is being vindictive! They end up digging into your past or something like that, and the next thing you know they use information they know about you in a negative light, which ends up throwing your professional career or whatever you're doing out the window because somebody wants to disclose information they think would hurt you as an individual, to make them feel better! Regardless of what happens do not allow that to happen! You are a good man, you have your issues and so do everybody else in the world, but please understand: divorce is not easy, and neither is the way forward, but I have faith that you will be able to surmount whatever it is that you need to be able to surmount, and you will come out a lot cleaner at the end of the road! It might take you some time, and it might require that you get professional assistance, but please do so if you think that would help you, because I wouldn't want to see you Hurt yourself: that would be disastrous!

All I can say is hang in there my friend hugs: divorces are hard: I am a product of one divorce, and I've been through three of them: one with my mom and my dad, one with my step mom and my dad, and then I help my brother with some of the things he was dealing with through a divorce! Since my brother and I were dealing with divorce when we're younger, it makes it hard, but I can tell you that it takes time to be able to come back out of a funk after a divorce, and it is possible to resurrect yourself and pull yourself out, just make sure that you can get a hold of a rope! Somebody throws you a rope grab it and pull up pull up so you can get out of the hole!! Love yourself, love something that you love and remember keep that in your mind, you will deal with a lot of negativity, but you have to have some sort of a base to be able to return to, because all that negativity needs to go somewhere and you need a positive role model to help you through this, so you don't lose all your energy. Take care!

Brian

[Demon-hunter]

@~Brian~if I can hug you I can. Thank you. I'm scared to leave her. My family has been cursed with divorce and bad relationships. And i dont want to another victim.

And to be honest, im not a perfect man. I still deal with gay porn and have done some things that im not ready to talk about. But I wouldn't be dealing with my porn addiction if my wife shut me down so much to the point of I can no longer communicate with anything. From politics, career, faith, family raising, and my abdl and our sexual activities, like now shes questioning if anything other than missionary position is sinful.

[~Brian~]

2 minutes ago, Demon-hunter said:

@~Brian~if I can hug you I can. Thank you. I'm scared to leave her. My family has been cursed with divorce and bad relationships. And i dont want to another victim.

And to be honest, im not a perfect man. I still deal with gay porn and have done some things that im not ready to talk about. But I wouldn't be dealing with my porn addiction if my wife shut me down so much to the point of I can no longer communicate with anything. From politics, career, faith, family raising, and my abdl and our sexual activities, like now shes questioning if anything other than missionary position is sinful.

@Demon-hunter

I can understand your position! I can understand that you do not what to leave your wife or to have her become a victim of divorce! Part of the problem as I see it is that your wife seems to believe that the only thing that would be good for you would be to be in a Missionary somewhere else, therefore you would be in the church, in a position that she finds appropriate, but the problem is is that her vision of her seeing you as inappropriate position, does not seem to jive with what it is that you need to do as well. If your wife is shutting you down, that is a problem. Have your issues that you must deal with, and I sincerely hope that you are able to get the help that you need, maybe some day your wife will see that although you say that you are not a perfect man, and what man is A perfect man, she has her issues that she must deal with as well, so it's not all you.

Remember that the most important thing is that you be happy. I've said this to several people that are close to me and my life, and I mean every word that I say. If you are not happy, you end up running the risk of being in a constant fight with your significant other, and you end up running the risk that something will turn nasty, and something bad will happen that you will never be able to recover from. I hate to be negative, but I've seen these types of toxic relationships go from misunderstanding to something worse than that, and I would hate to see that happen to either one of you. Your most important thing is To be happy, and if for some reason this relationship is not giving you what you think you need, then you may have to talk to a professional. Of course relationships are not one sided, and I've been in a situation where I had an ex fiance that blamed me for everything that happened in the relationship, blame me for every single thing that was wrong in the relationship, and refused to take responsibility for anything that happened. It took people from my friends in Florida to tell me that this was toxic, and that I was having trouble, they could see it, but I had blinders on and it took a lot of soul searching to realize that they were right. It got to the point where actually called one of my friends in Florida and directly told him that everyone that was trying to help me was right and I was wrong! I also thought that it was time to thank him and my friends for being there for me, and that one day I would return, and I would be able to have the vacation that I wanted, and that I deserved

one thing that I've always learned is that you can have a relationship, and the relationship can be as solid as salt and pepper and it can be that solid, but under the surface it could be festering and making something boiled to the surface, which could cause issues. I've had people that I've loved that were married and then divorced, and I've seen some of my friends after that happened, and I still respect them, and I still honored them because they were a part of who we were and I still respect them today. The ones that I don't respect are the ones that make it hard for others because all they want to do is cause issues for the other person. I'm not here to decide who did what to whom and who is right and who is wrong, but I can tell you from experience that you have to make the decision, on what you want to do, and I just want you to know that whatever happens, your friends will be here for you, the Lord will look out for you, and hopefully with his guidance you will be able to see the road ahead and be able to determine how you want to deal with bumps nooks crannies and openings in the middle of the road, because God has a plan for each one of us, we might not know what it is, but each of us has our own destiny, and sometimes you have to take stock in what you have, versus what you would have if you had to make the ultimate choice. As I said before the most important thing is that you're happy healthy and you're able to function.

if you are not able to do any of these things, and it feels like regardless of what you do you cannot seem to get a solution, seek help! There are many people that can help you in a situation like this.  I remember when I went to see a counselor: for years and years I had all this pent up frustration anger angst and a whole bunch of other things that were just piled on top of me.  As a kid, it was basically I do what my parents say and that was the end of that, that basically meant that if I disagreed with them, I better have a darn good reason for disagreeing, or I'd end up being grounded or punished in another way. Very very rarely when I got in trouble, did I get out of trouble unless I had someone tell my parents that I didn't do anything. Lucky for me I had good friends that watched out for me, and if they saw something that was wrong and they saw that I was accused of something that they know I didn't do or wouldn't do, they would come to my aid. Many times there are issues with your parents or your significant other, and you have to solve them doing other things or figuring out how to best solve them, but the problem I had was that my parents had this mentality that they were right I was wrong I was punished I was dead! Several times I ended up having to fight hard knowing that I was right, my parents not believing me sometimes, then I'd have to bring somebody in to tell them that they were wrong and that I was right, then they would apologize! Sometimes it was really hard, I missed out on some things because somebody didn't believe me, or didn't think that I was telling them the truth. Even had times when I know I'm telling the truth, I'm sitting in front of my stepfather professing the truth and they wouldn't even listen sometimes, and that was more infuriating than anything else. And know what they did? Wanted to throw me to my dad and have my dad deal with me! My problem was that I didn't have very many people in my corner when they thought I was in trouble. Luckily I had good friends and I had good family members and as long as I stayed out of the toxicity, I did well. Most of my family kept me away from all the negative crap but sometimes with all the things they did like drinking and all of this, it could exacerbate the situation when you don't know what you expect, and it hits you like a ton of bricks.

In my case, I had a fiance that was a real wicked witch of the West! In fact, My Florida friends would call her " The wicked witch of the north"  She gained this nickname because no one liked her, And they all noticed that she was not allowing me to make any decisions for myself, she was making all of the decisions for me, so I had no decision making ability in a relationship. When I noticed this was going on I had to step in one night when I had to talk with her and said that if she wanted to leave for example, that she could call her mother and she could leave on her next plane out of Florida, but I was staying: this is one time that I stood my ground and told her that there was no way I was going to leave: I then told her that she needed to listen to what the people are telling her, and start treating people with a little bit more respect! Once I returned the second time around, two or three years later, I found out that there were so many people that disliked her, that they didn't want to do anything with me because of her! I quickly took care of that problem when I returned in 1996, and I didn't even flinch:  At that time my health was going down the toilet, I ended up having multiple medical problems because of all the anxiety, and I needed to be put on medicine to calm me down. Got to the point where I didn't even want to go back to my home, the one I rent the one I'm living in now, because I was afraid of what would happen. I basically became a hermit and my parents basement for a whole month, and then because of all the negativity, I ended up disappearing for two weeks, going to my grandparent's house so that my fiance couldn't find me, or caused me any issues. When I returned I ended up returning to a apartment that was mine, but a whole bunch of animosity.

It got to the point that I wanted her to leave: she would write me all these letters and tell me that I was the cause of all the problems, and her problem was she wouldn't talk to me! Told me that she couldn't talk to me, and that she wouldn't talk to me, but she wrote me a whole bunch of letters. Lucky for me, those letters save my ****. She basically wrote her own epitaph when I was able to use all of her letters, all of her threats, and all of her negativity against her! She was playing hardball and she was looking to get me between the eyes, but I turned the tables on her, showing her who the man was in the relationship and who the one that was the most responsible of both of us, because I admitted that I wasn't ready to do what I needed to do as a married individual, nor was she ready to accept the fact That it takes two to cause a problem. Thought that I was the cause of all of the problem, and that was wrong! The best thing that I could have ever done was to end that relationship, but the problem was after I had ended the relationship with that individual, she lived next door to me. Even when I tried to be nice to her, it was trying: the reason it was is because I had to deal with her everyday, and it made me sick to my stomach, and almost put me in a hospital! When I decided to finally fight back I had gone home for the weekend and I took all of my evidence with me! I wrote a letter to the Housing Authority, and in that letter I detailed what it was that was trouble. I took the disk with me so she would not find it, then when I returned to my office I went down to my office in secret, made a copy of that letter, sent it upstairs to the director's office, and within 48 hours she was asked to leave the property! The director told her that she was causing me mental anguish that was not necessary, she was being unreasonable, and she was also being crazy because with all the evidence that they had in front of her, I would win the argument hands down! They loved me so much over here, that my ex was asked to leave the apartment building that she lived in with me, and move to another building that was not near me. She was given a choice of that or to move home! She chose to move home, and then she came back and was giving me a hoe Hell of what a grief and I turned her friend and said well, it takes two to cause a problem, and I'm done playing games, if you can't communicate, there's a problem, and all this negative crap was driving me down!

In my case my friend I won! I guess what I was looking for at the time was someone to love me and care for me and respect me! I know that my family does to a point, but this former fiance was ridiculous, and made unrealistic demands of me, and also made herself look stupid, because she was in front of 100 people and nobody wanted her to interact with them either. I just realized at the time that it was not a healthy thing for me to do, to have a relationship with a woman who I couldn't trust, who would make my life a living hell, and the thing that I've always been taught is when you finally say the words I do, that's what you're supposed to do, but unfortunately some people don't understand what the words I do actually mean, and I'm sure that you know what they mean, and I'm sure that there are people who do also understand that. I'm just glad that I was able to get out of this toxic relationship before I ended up long term in a hospital! Several years later I found out that she was going to move back into the building that I lived in, and when I said something to the housing authority they asked me if that was going to be a problem? I told them that it was not going to be a problem as long as she doesn't start anything, but still, after so many years, I'm so glad that I didn't marry her! I'd rather be single than have to deal with that type of ridiculousness, I'd rather be diapered for the rest of my life than have to worry about what people think and what people believe, because being diapered is my way of being protected, my way of being able to be the person that I am, but I could not be, because I had to hide it behind walls and things like that! It takes a lot of time to be able to make the right decision sometimes, and I know that it hurts, I really know that it hurts! I don't know if I can give you any other advice other than to just be the person you need to be, try to be happy, and as I said if you're not happy the best thing to do is to figure a way to change the situation! My dad had to do it twice, and the first time he did that, it threw me off for several months, but then I realized that my dad wasn't the problem, the problem was that they didn't get along, and both my parents told me it wasn't my fault! The thing that I didn't like when I was growing up was that my mom would always seem to pick on my dad or think my dad wasn't doing something that he should be or doing things that he shouldn't be, and then my parents would end up getting mad, and I'd be in right in the middle of it! There's one good thing that happened however and that was: regardless of what happened in my life whether I was at a friend's house, at a birthday party, or a graduation ceremony, or a event where I was singing in chorus or something like that, my parents always would make an attempt to be there for me. My mom might be in the audience somewhere and my dad will be in the audience somewhere else, but they always drop their shields because they knew that the most important thing was to help me in my endeavors, and they've done that ever since. Both my parents have their opinions, and I respect that, I respect my mom's husband I respect my dad's wife, and that is the way it goes! I don't give my respect like putting quarters in a machine, they have to earn it, and that's the way it goes! The only thing that I ever asked in my parents is to not argue in front of my brothers, or to cause a problem for them. This is most important when we're talking about my father and my brother James: we all heard whatever it is that they dealt with throughout their marriage and had their issues and what not, but the only thing that I ever asked was that someone does not put down our father in front of us! Our dad may not be perfect, but he is our father, and we owe him that respect, because he's shown us what respect means, he's shown us what love means, he's shown us what tragedy means, and he showed us that even in the worst times he is there! I would never ever be able to be the one I am today without my father without my mother and without several people that help me. During that Time when I was dealing with My issues, my parents were there for me, and they knew that I was hurting, and they used their special skills to be able to help me: they've been there for me and they've been places where I probably have traveled before come but they did it before me. Please understand that the most important thing is your health your welfare your safety and that means even your mental health or your social health or whatever it is: you don't want to go down a rabbit hole and be down there and not be able to pull yourself out of terrible terrible despair, because that can be detrimental! Many people understand that when you have issues you have to solve them, but I've also learned that sometimes you have issues that you can't solve by yourself, or some that you can't resolve between the two of you so that means you would need to have help. I don't believe that the best thing for you to do is to become a missionary anywhere, because that would not be something that would make you happy: I'm not sure exactly what your wife expects of you, but I would expect that she would be open and understanding that there is an issue that You are dealing with, and it's not something that is easy to deal with: hell I ended up dealing with my incontinence, and I've been a diaper lover for years, and the way I dealt with that is to just let it happen, and just be the person that I wanna be: it took care of all of my feelings and all of the things that I was dealing with in my head: it made it easier for me to relax, wearing diapers does not necessarily mean that you are somehow ad mystery or something to that effect: it means that you are individual, you are unique, and you have your own special things that make you who you are: being an adult baby or ADL or whatever it is that you are, you are special you are unique you are loved and you are the person you are, and you wouldn't be that person if you did not work hard, and put in whatever you think you need to make it happen. When I wanted to get a degree, a four year degree, I knew what I wanted, I knew what I needed to do to get there, and I ran into some road blocks, with help I move those things out of the way and I said the hell with it i'm going in full steam and nothing's going to stop me, and I'm going to walk across that stage and I'm going to pick up that degree! With that type of a drive I end up doing it, and I'll tell you when I finally got my degree after 4 years, it was the best thing that ever happened to me in my entire life, because and regardless of what someone says what someone does what someone believes, they aren't going to take that for me, they're not going to be in control of that because I was! I'm very happy with my degrees and I still have them to this day. Your wife may have her idiosyncrasies and her issues too, and that is to be given, But happiness is important, and and possibly even kill you!

All I can say is: I've been where you're going: been through divorces where I am the son of the parents being divorced, helped my younger brother through a divorce, and I also know that it sucks. All I can tell you is to hang in there and that the Lord will help you if you give it to him and let him work with it! Maybe he will give you what and the why that you need to be able to make a decision? Not sure how that will work, and that's up to you and your wife, but remember being happy is more important than being in a disastrous relationship that will cause problems in strife!

*****HUGS******

Brian

[Demon-hunter]

We can continue this in this thread

https://www.dailydiapers.com/board/index.php?/topic/88330-needing-prays/