My Week

[wishing for diapers]

For those that saw my "hello" thread (a few months ago), some of this is known. But here is what has so far been a wonderful week (still have till Sat evening, but I don't have enough diapers to get me that far (see below why i'm not buying more (hopefully) for now)).

Sorry, i'm long winded

So the intro would be that I have been fascinated by diapers for as long as I remember (I *think* I have a memory from shortly after I was potty trained (somewhere between 2 1/2 and 4 1/2) of looking longingly at the box of my diapers still in my closet on the shelf) and have been wearing them off and on since my mid teens (now early to mid 30s). I always believed I was some freak and terrified that it had something to do with little kids (this was before the internet was bought to the masses for you young-uns ).

At 18, I got a real job (still work there actually) and moved out. Of course the first thing I did was buy diapers and wear them as much as possible (effectively whenever I was home). I also found the internet at that time and a.s.f.d (god that was such a relief). Shortly after that, a friend moved in with me (she is now my wife) and I was forced to tell her about it all since I didn't want to hide anything from her.

She took it all in stride and even helped me explore the fetish and why I might be so connected to it.

This led to the longest period of me wearing diapers (usually I would only wear them (in my room, to bed, etc..) for a few days, maybe a week, before i'd get disgusted with myself and throw them all out. Just to repeat the process in a few weeks/months) fairly frequently for a couple of years. I didn't wear them every day, maybe once or twice a week, or go a few weeks without wearing one, but the best part was that, with her help and understanding, I was able to accept it and be content with myself

Years went by and we finally got married. And most marriages do, we have had issues (even before we got married). And my diapers were a frequent topic of conversation in our "talks" (though, at least early on, I think I believed they were more of the problem than she did (paranoia, self loathing, that stuff )).

About two years ago now some things occurred that almost ended our marriage, and I stopped wearing diapers at that time (my choice as we weren't even sleeping in the same bed at that point, but she didn't exactly order me to put them on ) and went for about a year without really even thinking about it.

About this time last year they started to work back into my psyche again. The longer it went on and the more I denied my self. The more depressed I got. I finally tried talking to my wife about it, but contrary to how she handled it in the past she is now disgusted by the idea of me wearing diapers. She tells me she is willing to talk about it (though she is against me wearing them), but every time I try I can see the disgust face or hear it in her voice (no matter how open and understanding she is trying to be). I know she really does want to help, but in the end it just makes things worse

So this week (Sat to Sat) she is out of the country and I decided that I needed to wear diapers again and find out how I really felt about it all after so long. I did tell her before she left (a few days before, not as she was getting out of the car at the airport ), and besides being upset that I didn't tell her before I actually bought some diapers she didn't seem too put off by it (even made a few jokes about it).

So I dropped her off at 4:30am on Saturday and came home. I put a plastic sheet on the bed (I never could wet while asleep, I just love a nice plastic sheet) and diaper on my butt, then went to sleep till noon-ish. I got up and wet and got all the same feelings I have missed for so long. I wore diapers 24/7 until I had to go to work on Monday morning. This included a few trips out to stores (not something she will be happy to hear) including being rather wet at one point. Monday I left work a bit early to get home and get back in a diaper (my underwear felt funny after diapers all weekend) and arranged to work from home on Tuesday (which included a trip out, diapered of course) to get some blood work done where I almost fainted (first time i've ever almost fainted getting blood drawn). Today I went back into the office, but again hurried home to diaper myself again. I have even gone out with the dogs or to take the trash to the curb in just a tshirt and diaper at night (midnight-ish) which I NEVER have done before (and she REALLY won't be happy about that i'm sure).

Monday night and last night, I purposefully wet my diaper before going to sleep and a few times during the night so I would be soaked (and leaking) in the mornings. Even though it's not as "ideal" as really wetting the bed, it was still nice to be soaked in the mornings.

I also tried something else I have never really done before. During the day, I pulled the sheet off my bed and used the plastic sheet covered mattress as a changing pad. This allowed me to really get into "oiling" (I used body lotion actually and it has worked really well) and powdering where I was always afraid to make a mess in the past. I also got some wipes for the first time (usually just used soap and water on a wash cloth). I know she will be upset about the powder smell and dust in the room when she gets back, but it was worth it

So with my diapers running low, I have started to think about the things I learned or rediscovered about myself. Firstly, i'm not getting more diapers at this point because I want to talk to my wife about it first. For anything else to matter, we have to find some middle ground. Secondly i'd forgotten how much of a stress relief just sitting around in a diaper (wet or dry) can be and how no real idea how stressed and uptight I had been (this is the first time I would call myself truly happy (for more than a few hours or a day) in a some time (maybe two years...)).

I also found that I am a lot less stressed over strangers finding out (wearing them shopping under my clothes and going out without pants in the middle of the night) than I ever was before. I won't wear them to work, but I think it is more about being able to easily change them than anything else.

I have also been concerned that as a kid, there was nothing overly sexual about diapers for me. But with my wife getting involved, they really became purely sexual by the time I stopped wearing them the last time. This has actually bothered me quite a bit in the months leading up to this as I want the comfort and security feelings more than the sexual feelings. The first day was mostly sexual feelings (no I did not call my doctor when my erection lasted longer than 4 hours ), but they have subsided each day (to being back to the safe & secure feelings last night and today). This by far is the best part of the whole week for me, I just hope it continues.

So now I just have to continue to enjoy my last few (3 diapers and 6 pullup style) and figure out how to talk to my wife about this. I know that this is something I want to continue with, but I don't want to simply do it when my wife is not around (even though she knows, it still feels like i'm hiding it from her).

Thanks for reading. Hopefully my wife and I can find some compromise that works for both of us.

-d

[dldad]

That is not unusual in a relationship, to find similar situations to yours. Many have gone through something similar. Hope things work out for you and your marriage. Good luck.

[nappyloon]

Wow, what an interesting story, I really hope that you both find that "middle ground" with you both accepting what will be !

Good luck to you both !

[InD]

<snip>

Ah the good ol' days. I fondly remember read a.s.f.d, and thing finding BBIF

I have a question for you. Outside of the diaper issue, how is your relationship? It sounds rather strained, if so then why are you two together?

InD

[wishing for diapers]

I have a question for you. Outside of the diaper issue, how is your relationship? It sounds rather strained, if so then why are you two together?

It comes and goes, but mostly when it comes right down to it we love each other very much. Even though we both wish things could be different (in different ways of course ), we (at least I and I believe her as well) believe being together through the bad times is still better than being apart and missing the good. And the good do out weigh the bad.

-d

[Repaid1]

I think I would plan a nice dinner or the like for her return. I also would let her ask the questions of your adventures while she was gone. That way if she doesn't know, it won't cause a riff. You mentioned she already knows you bought them, I'd just leave the ball in her court. If she wants to know, she'll ask. All Marriages have ups & downs. Even mine, and my wife Diapers and Babys me daily. Hang in there, that's what love is all about.

[wishing for diapers]

I think I would plan a nice dinner or the like for her return.

We have a soccer game to watch We are both fanatical (though I am a little more crazy about it) about watching our local footie team (she kept texting me until 3 this morning until i'd get out of bed to get the Arsenal results for her ). But maybe Sunday Actually that's a pretty good idea. I'll take her out to her favorite Sushi place on Sunday (odd place for a veggie to love ).

It's not that I don't want to do things like that, some times the simple things just fly right by me

I also would let her ask the questions of your adventures while she was gone. That way if she doesn't know, it won't cause a riff. You mentioned she already knows you bought them, I'd just leave the ball in her court. If she wants to know, she'll ask.

And therein lies the rub. She won't bring up things that she doesn't want to discuss, and i'm just as bad. The kicker here is that this is not something I can ignore any longer and I refuse to do it behind her back since that compounds the self loathing I tend to get (i'm not exactly filled high self esteem most of the time).

I figured that I would let her know that I want/need to talk about it, but I won't force the issue unless it gets obvious that she is trying to ignore it (which does neither of us any good either).

I'm not looking for her approval or her participation (though I would love to have either or both again), just acceptance and a little understanding.

Ah well, time to go to work

Thanks to everyone that has replied so far. I do appreciate it and I appreciate those that haven't, but are just part of the community.

Talk to you later.

-d

[Necare]

Honestly, if she really loves you, she should be fully able to accept the fact that you like diapers. It is the least she could do. To say that she is against you wearing diapers, is the equivalent of saying that she would really prefer that you stop. Because she wants you to?!!! Now, is that a sign of understanding? It is not required of her that she participates in any form or way, all you want is a bit of acceptance in that department, and is that too much to ask for? Not at all, and she should be able to see that, especially considering that she was accepting of your fetish earlier. I`m sure she has her own little kinks, and I wonder what her reaction would be if you told her to stop all that deeply sensitive and personal "nonsense" of hers?

[wishing for diapers]

Honestly, if she really loves you, she should be fully able to accept the fact that you like diapers.

I agree to a point. That point would be that we all have things that we strongly disagree with, don't understand, or just give us the willies.

On the other side of the coin, she really wants more piercings but i'm against it. I accept that it's her body and she should be able to do with it as she chooses, but the damn thing just give me the creeps (no kidding, it took me 8 years before I could touch her nipple ring after she had that done). I don't know what it is since I can find piercings on others attractive though

It is not required of her that she participates in any form or way, all you want is a bit of acceptance in that department, and is that too much to ask for?

For her, right now, it is. It makes it hard for me, but I have to accept that and try to work it out.

I think expecting/forcing someone to accept something they are not comfortable with is every bit as wrong as trying to change who someone is. Unfortunately these two are usually closely related

especially considering that she was accepting of your fetish earlier.

People and their "tastes" can change over time. Although she has never said it, I suspect that she always "accepted" it with the belief that it was just some kink or something passing rather than a real part of my psyche.

-d