Emergency Broadcast

[BabyAnna]

Emergency Broadcast

Following recent events the US Government has become aware of people stocking up on essential supplies so that they can see out any period of uncertainty and danger to public safety arising from the new strains of COVID coming from Europe and Brazil.

While warehouse stocks of fresh and tinned food remain strong there is now a shortage of imported luxuries and toilet roll. To address this situation we have asked the National Guard to deploy - unarmed - and provide logistic support and material aid.

Should you need assistance please contact your municipal or state authorities and a National Guard unit will be dispatched at the soonest opportunity. They will be able to provide you with hot chocolate, bananas and appropriate alternatives to toilet roll.

An assigned National Assistance Necessary Nominated Youth from our volunteer youth organisation will remain on site with you to assure your ongoing comfort during this time. Although they will be providing hands-on assistance to assure you receive needed nutrition and to change your soiled toilet roll avoidance device please try and avoid referring to these generous volunteers as babysitters as you are of course not a baby and can resume your adult responsibilities at any point (subject to passing the relevant and required tests).

We thank all dutiful citizens for their cooperation at this time and would like to thank our National Guard, the national youth organisation and also our corporate sponsors the Supersoft corporation for their generous discounts on toilet roll avoidance devices.

End Broadcast.

[ValentinesStuff]

And I was hoping this was about the Daily Incontinence Absorbent Product for Emergency Relief

[spoonchicken]

Is this like the false nuclear attack warning in Hawaii a couple of years ago ? lol