Shy Bladder

[Veg]

Even after working with untraining (approaching 4 months) I find I can go anywhere, as long as I can't see or hear people around me. 

I've always had a shy bladder, I can't people are around and am a rather anxious person. But I was hopeing with practice thus would be gone by now. I've looked up tips and some people recommend having a pee partner who would get closer and closer that you could practice with. I don't have anyone I can really do that with though.

Any suggestions on getting rid of shy bladder?

[Little Sherri]

I can't say that I completely relate to having a shy bladder, per se, but, when I first went back in diapers, I used to sometimes struggle with going in unfamiliar circumstances - I would have to really push, even if I had to go, and I was worried that I LOOKED like I was pushing. I could go sitting in a chair, but not out walking around, or driving, or lying in bed, or waiting for an elevator, or while talking to someone. All I can say is that I overcame those issues with practice.

I started by just letting myself be "unclenched" down there as much as possible. I still have to initiate "events", things don't happen by themselves other than sometimes when I sleep. But, I no longer have to push much, and I never cinch up or deliberately stop anymore - things just peter out by themselves once they're done, and often don't really feel it and can't accurately tell if the "download" has stopped or not. As I got more and more used to doing that while, say, sitting at my desk, or reading in bed, or watching TV on the couch, it became easier to also do that while I was driving, or shopping, or lying in bed, or waiting for an elevator, etc. I'm at the point now where things are so relaxed that, when I feel an urge to go, if I give a slight push, things start, and then after that I forget about it and carry on with whatever I'm doing. I also go a lot - like every 20 - 30 minutes when I'm awake, generally. So it's quite routine for me now. Hopefully if you follow the same path, you might get the same results. I wish you all the luck. 

[sparklezBear]

When trying to un-train, there are a couple of hurdles that may relate to your situation. The first being learned behaviour, and something I still experience while driving at times. It's something learned (to hold your bladder while driving no matter) that has to be overcome, and it seems to be a mental game to overcome. In your case, there may be an element of learned behaviour to overcome? The other hurdle is being able to relax and release in anxious or high stress situation. Again, this is something I'm still learning to overcome, although my definition of stressful extends way past being around people. I'm wondering if being around people is something stressful for you as you've suggested in your question.

Either way, I think the key to overcoming the hurdle is to understand it. If it is an anxious reaction, perhaps you can explain what it is that makes you uneasy around others? This will take a bit of introspection, but will be well worth it .

[Veg]

@sparklezBear

I see, thank you for the reply. 

I'm no compeltly sure what makes me so nervous/anxious around people. I'd think it's just a general fear of people seeing me and judging me. 

So you think that ot would help to deal with that first? Like work through social anxiety first?

[sparklezBear]

10 hours ago, Veg said:

So you think that ot would help to deal with that first? Like work through social anxiety first?

As you say, you have no problems with the flow unless you hear or see people around you. That kind of stress or anxiety does produce that sphincter-clenching response, even unconsciously. You could either accept the stress and or anxiety and work at overcoming that reaction while stressed and or anxious, or you could work on reducing the stress and or anxiety which would also solve the problem before it's a problem. I can't know which will be easier for you.

10 hours ago, Veg said:

I'd think it's just a general fear of people seeing me and judging me.

This says quite a bit, although I can't relate to the circumstance. That's how I used to be before nappies. With nappies, my social anxiety is gone, even if I think people might be able to tell I'm wearing. So, this fear, what is it of? Judgement for wearing a nappy? Judgement over something physical about you? Over something else?

[Veg]

@sparklezBear

I'd say it's a general fear of both possibly. I'm a rather awkward person, and people can usually tell from just looking at me that I'm a bit off. My autism as well as scarring and physical things that are different about me that I was born with, aren't extreme, but enough for strangers to get curious and have a staring problem. Not that they mean to or are trying to be mean about any of it.