Digs (Updated with chapter 6)

[Ubba]

Hey guys, this is the first chapter of a new story I am working on.

I am putting a trigger warning in here, the protagonist of this story is dealing with an abusive alcoholic mother and the story is about the protagonists first time moving away from home. Not every chapter will deal with this but I will put a trigger warning at the beginning of chapters that do.

All criticism and feed back is welcomed and encouraged.

                                                                   Digs
                                                                 Chapter 1

Inner city bus travel at rush hour, how do people do this everyday. Ten past five on a Thursday evening and here I am crammed on to a Dublin bus, the air is stale and thick, the windows are fogged with condensation and I’m surrounded by the rancid b.o of soulless working drones finished their shift for the day. If I don’t find a place to live this could be me for the next four years in college. That would be a fate worse than death, at least death is final, it’s absolute, it’s end. This commute, which is the same in the morning just minus the b.o, it never ends, it keeps going even after I cease to exist people will still be crammed onto this bus, miserably commuting to work, college or something else. I had to find a place to live.

 

That is why I am on the bus to begin with, trying to nail down a place to live in or near enough to the city centre that I would be able to walk to Trinity College Dublin where, if everything goes according to plan I will be studying for the next four years. I have spent the last month trying to nail down accommodation, my overbearing mother does not want me living on campus yet or in an apartment on my own, she really is not keen on me to move out yet but she agreed that if I could find digs that she would begrudgingly let me move out. I need to learn to stand on my own two feet, I’m 18 after all if I want to move out I can, but it’s not a hill I want to die on right now. Rent in Dublin is insane and I would need to have six or seven room mates to be able to afford a place, I would probably need two jobs to support myself which I don’t think would leave loads of space for college so realistically I would be looking at digs anyway. So it was definitely not worth having a fight over.

 

So digs is what I’m looking for, and for those not in the know digs is essentially renting a room in someone's house, but it seems to be designed for students as your rent also includes board, so meals get covered in the rent. Its essentially like living at home, just with someone else’s parents, you still have rules, need to do chores and more than likely have a curfew. You don’t have to come home but if you are you have to be home by a certain time, and you also have to let the parents know you won’t be home. Since you are essentially inserting yourself into someone else's family the process is a bit longer than trying to rent an apartment. Sure you have the viewing but you also have a sort of interview with the family, to see if it will be a good match and so far I have not found a good match. Either I have not liked the vibe from the family, sometimes it’s a pervy look from a son, or a mother that seems too strict, sometimes the area is just to far out or run down, a couple I didn’t like the room. Then there is also my own personal elephant that follows me into every interview, my bed wetting. Something that I should be able to keep private, but my mother said I had to tell them in the interview or else it would affect me with the housing agency if it was found out after I signed the contract and would be a bigger administration nightmare for me than a bit of embarrassment and a lot of rejection. When ever the question of if I had any special needs that the family would need to be aware of and my bedwetting came up it was always a thanks but no thanks response. So not only the embarrassment of having to tell strangers I still pissed the bed but also the rejection and stress of not getting a room to rent all at the same time. If this commute wasn’t so gross I would have resigned myself to living at home for college by now. Well this is my last chance really, most places have been snatched up now anyway and the agency hasn’t come back to me with any new viewings, so crap now that I think of it this might be my last chance of getting a place.

 

This realization of my situation shot waves of panic through me but luckily before the anxiety got to set in, the display board flashed Stoneybatter next stop, which happened to be my stop so I needed to jump into action. I picked up my back pack and squeezed through the crowded bus, pushing the stop button on my way to the door. I made it to the door just as the bus pulled upto the bus stop and jumped out as the doors opened taking a deep breath of fresh clean air as my feet hit the pavement. I could feel sweat forming on my brow and realized how tense I had been during the bus trip as my upper back and shoulders ached from tension. I took another deep breath and surveyed my location. Stoney batter was just off of Dublin quays which was pretty much the city centre, it was moderately built up but was from a bygone era, the street was paved with cobbles, while on the main street all the buildings were from the drab 70’s each side street was crammed with redbrick Georgian buildings. I was standing right outside a news agents so decided to buy myself a chocolate bar and a can of minerals to steady the nerves caused by that accursed bus journey. Before I went into the shop I checked my phone and I still had 20 minutes before I was due for the viewing. I sighed with relief as I wouldn’t have to rush, the house was a five minute walk from my current location according to the directions given to me by the agency, and along with Google maps, just to be sure. When I got into the shop I noticed they had a small off license which got the cogs turning and I decided to pick up a bottle of white and some 7 up for later tonight.

 

I had gone on many trips to France and other parts of mainland Europe when I was growing up to visit family, my gran was one of my best friends and I always loved spending two weeks during the summer with her as I got to visit long lost relatives, well not really lost relatives but ones I never really saw. Since I was about twelve my gran would let me have wine with my meals while on these holidays, like my cousins would, mind you it was always heavily watered down with lemonade but it was always a nice treat. And even though I was now of the legal drinking age and was experimenting with deferent drinks, white wine with some lemonade was still my favourite and was always just what the doctor ordered when it came being relaxed and calm. I would need to text Abbey later to see if she wanted to hang out but for now, I had made the preparations.

 

After I had bought my bit’s n pieces I left the shop and quickly put the bottle of wine and 7-up in my back pack, and I stress I did this quickly. I had picked up a bag of goodnights in the afternoon as I was running low at home and knew I wouldn’t want to have to hang about after my last viewing so had decided to get it out of the way in between interviews. I zipped up my bag, checked the directions once more and headed towards my potential room while cracking open a can of cola to refresh myself. The house was less than a five minute walk from the news agents so in the back of my head I was thinking that I might be spending a bit of time in that newsagents if I get this digs, I was definitely getting ahead of myself as if this place was like any of the others I had visited then I would be living at home for at least the first semester of college.

 

I took a deep breath as I stood outside the three story, red brick Georgian town house, in front of the black painted front door, the polished brass number 7 hanging proudly front and center. I exhaled and gathered the courage to ring the doorbell, a loud ding dong could be heard through the front door. I took a step back so once the door was answered I would not be on top of who ever greeted me. I stood outside waiting, it was one of those experiences that felt like an eternity but in reality probably only took a couple of seconds, it was kind of like the last day of the year in school, that last minute before the bell rang giving you freedom for the summer, it would always feel like an hour.

 

The door swung open and I was greeted by a lovely looking woman, she was stunning to me. Being five foot I was used to people being taller than me, but this lady was at least a foot taller than me and a bit more, she had shoulder length dark red hair, clearly not her natural color this was a deep dark red, her hair was full and layered. She wore cool red framed glasses behind which sat beautiful green, almond shaped eyes that I could get lost in. Her thick full lips smiled at me warm and lovingly, I was really taken back by this lady, I was not used to being greeted by such a creature. I was normally greeted by people my age or a stressed out middle aged mother who was struggling to keep the house together. But this lady, while she was still old, at least in her thirties she seemed so calm and cool and full of warmth and love.

 

“Hi, I’m Amanda” I finally gathered the courage to nervously say

 

“Oh well hello Amanda, I’m Haley, you are here to look at a room right” Haley warmly greeted as she ushered me in and then pulled me into a big warm embrace, my face went straight into her bosom as I was somewhat taken off guard. I took me a moment to gather myself but I breathed her in deeply and hugged her tightly back, I’m not sure why but I felt like I wanted to hug this stranger, she seemed so warm and kind that I just wanted to be held by her and to hold her too.

 

“Well let me give you the tour”

[Batsly]

Very promising start!

[Apache Raccoon]

I think this story would benefit from a bunch more paragraphs then it'd be easier to read.

[Ubba]

Thanks @Batsly for the kind words and I hope you will enjoy chapter 2 which will be up soon. 

 

Thanks @Apache Raccoon I do struggle with paragraphs and where to end one and begin another. I went back and double spaced the paragraphs so it is not as big a wall of text but not entirely sure on which paragraphs I can break up. I will keep this in mind for the subsequent chapters of the story and hopefully it will be easier to read

[Ubba]

Chapter 2

 

Hayley took my hand and brought me through the house showing me each room, it was a bit overwhelming and I didn’t take much of it in, I was being enchanted by this lady and she was the only thing that I could focus on. I think part of me just focused on Hayley because I knew there was no point on taking in my surroundings, as soon as we got to the interview stage and I had to tell her that I still piss my bed then it would be thanks but no thanks. 

 

The only room I payed a bit of attention too was my potential room. It was a bit bigger than my room at home and was freshly painted in a pastel pink and had wooden flooring. There was a new oak single bed with a fresh new mattress in the corner and the room had a built in oak wardrobe. Apart from that the room was empty. Hayley explained that she didn’t want to decorate the room until she had a lodger so that they could have some input which I thought was really cool. All the other rooms I had been too were almost shrines to children who had grown up and moved out so it was nice that Hayley had thought to let her lodger help design the room. 

 

We then ended the tour in the kitchen and I noticed the delicious smells of stewing garlic, basil and herbs, Haley was clearly preparing her dinner before I arrived. I was ushered to a seat at the kitchen table and Haley sat opposite me. 

 

“So that ends the tour and I guess we need to ask each other some questions about now and see if this is a good fit, however you have been very quiet Amanda and you don’t seem all that interested in living here” Hayley said softly, almost sadly which sent a shiver of guilt down my spine. It was true I hadn’t really interacted much during the tour and was almost in a sulk as I really did want to live here but the anxiety of having to tell this lovely lady my dark secret was absolutely terrifying. 

 

“Well no, I do want to live here, it’s just that, well I have been looking for a place all summer and the interview is always the place that falls apart for me” I mumbled nervously as I worked up the courage to tell Haley. 

 

“Really? How come?” Haley asked, concern was echoing through her voice, I was keeping my eyes firmly focused on the table as looking at Haley would make this next part so much harder. 

 

“I’m a bedwetter” with a deep breath I blurted out, I could feel tears welling up and slowly trickle out the corner of my eyes. I was normally confident, well fake confident when I was telling potential landlords about being a bedwetter but with Hayley it was so overwhelming and filled me with shame and sadness that because of something I couldn't control I was now going to have to live at home and worst of all I was not going to get to know Hayley better. 

 

“Amanda,” I looked up as I felt Haley take my hand in her soft and warm caring grip and looked deep into Haley’s loving gaze. “That is none of my business you don’t need to tell me that, and honestly it’s not an issue. I’m sure you are on top of it at home and know how to take care of yourself” 

 

“Wait what do you mean I don’t have to tell you that, I thought that I had to disclose these types of things or the housing agency would be angry” I said in amazement

 

“What? No I don’t think so, I will check that out with them but what they told me is that you need to disclose any medical issues that you might have that I need to know about so I don’t accidentally kill you, like if you are allergic to peanuts. And all that sort of stuff is in your paper work anyway. They said when we are talking that the only thing you should disclose is the type of things you like to eat and that anything medical related should not be brought up as I will already know as its in your file.” Haley said matter of factly “Who told you to tell people about your bedtime routine”

 

“Well my mother did” I replied, very much at a loss for words

 

“Oh ok she must have gotten mixed up and probably just wanted to make sure that there were no nasty surprises or something. Anyway do you want the room?” Hayley said softly

 

“Well yes I would love the room” I said as relief washed over me and my anxiety evaporated. 

 

“Cool, I get a good vibe from you in general, even when you didn’t seem interested in the room, I was kind of disappointed but anyway thats neither her nor there. Before we make a decision on the room I thought it would be a good idea to do a sort of a trial run, so like you can stay the night, we can hang out and get to know each other and see if it will be a good fit” Hayley said cheerily 

 

“Oh yeah that would be awesome, when can we sort that out?” I said enthusiastically 

 

“Well if you have no plans we could do it tonight, or any night this week really” Hayley said

 

“Well no I have no plans, so tonight would be great” I replied very quickly, completely forgetting that I had plans to hang out with Abby tonight

 

“Cool well I guess you should give your parents a shout and let them know you will be staying here tonight so” 

 

I smiled at Hayley and took out my phone to call my father to let him know, I thought it was better to call him as he would not cause a fuss. Once he answered the phone I filled him in on what was happening but I could hear my mother in the background and she was soon looking to be put on the phone to me. I had barely said a word to her when she told me to give the phone to Hayley. I handed the phone over to which Hayley looked slightly surprised and she started to speak to my mother. I didn’t want to be around for that so I excused myself off to the bathroom. 

 

When I came back to the kitchen my phone was laying on the table and Haley was over by the stove checking on her cooking. I put my phone back in my pocket and cleared my throat out of awkwardness to indicate I was back in the room. 

 

“Oh hey Amanda, your mom is going to pop over with some pajamas and your toothbrush, that type of thing, in a bit” she said matter of factly as she set down a big plate of spaghetti bolognaise in front of me “Do you take parmesan or black pepper on your pasta?” 

 

“Just parmessan please” I replied half heartedly as a flood of emotions ran through me. I was very angry that my mam had weaselled her way into my first night at my possible new place, I was nervous and worried on how she was going to behave, would she be drunk, would she make a spectacle of me, would she ruin this for me. I was also feeling a bit confused as to how I could diplomatically warn Hayley about what my mother was like without appearing like a dumb teenager. 

 
“You ok Amanda? You look like you seen a ghost” Haley asked as she set a small ramekin of freshly grated parmesan in front of me before heading back to the oven to retrieve a dish

 

“Oh yeah” I hesitated “ Just my mother can be a bit full on and dramatic” 

 

Hayley was already back at the table with a big dish of garlic bread, she placed two pieces on my plate and then left the dish in the centre of the table before retrieving two wine glasses, she seemed to glide around the kitchen. 

 

“Oh ok, and you are worried because you think that will affect being able to live here” She kind of asked but more stated “Is red ok?” 

 

I looked up at her and she had a open bottle of red wine in her hand about to pour into my glass

 

“Oh yes red is fine” I feigned a smile as Hayley began to fill my glass “And yes I am a bit worried that after you meet my mother you won’t want me living here”

 

Hayley chuckled mildly at this “Amanda don’t worry I’m not planning on letting your mother rent a room from me. What ever happens tonight with your parents wont affect you staying here. I already want you to have the room, tonight is just to see if you really want it” Hayley smiled warmly at me with this news “Now lets not worry about that and just enjoy our food” 

 

[Ubba]

TRIGGER WARNING:
This was a tough chapter to write. It deals with the emotional abuse a child of an alcoholic can deal with in front of others. This was particularly hard for me to write as it was taken from my life (I was not a bed wetter so its not word for word what happened to me more the sentiment and then magnified by about a hundred) So the trigger warning is for being humiliated by a parent and having an alcoholic parent. Trigger has been warned

Chapter 3

I smiled half heartedly back to Hayley not really sure what to think. I was still worried about my parents coming over but then also slightly alarmed that she already wanted me to have the room. I didn’t think I had made the best of impressions with Hayley so how had I already won the room? I was deep in thought as I twirled some pasta up my fork without much consideration and deposited the swirl in my mouth. 

 

I was immediately transported back in time and across countries to the first time I had gone to Italy to visit cousins with my gran when I was ten. This tasted exactly like my aunties ragu but with added beef, the tomato, the garlic, the herbs it was almost identical. The tastes dancing about in my mouth rekindled the lost feelings that I had experienced that first time meeting my extended Italian family. The excitement, the joy, the nervousness on meeting new people but mainly the unconditional love I felt. I distinctly remember feeling so loved by those people as soon as I met them and this dish was bringing all this back to me. A giant smile cracked across my face after that first bite. 

 

“Oh my god Hayley, this is insane!” I said after swallowing that first load, my mouth already beginning to salivate waiting for my next deposit

 

“In a good way I hope” said Hayley as she brought her glass of wine to her lips

 

“Oh yeah in the best possible way, this is delicious, I feel like I’m back in Italy” I said without the grace of swallowing my food first which caused Hayley to smile broadly, not sure if it was at my comment, or my lack of manners or both. 

 

We continued talking, occasionally Hayley asked me some questions about my past like when I had been to Italy which I happily answered, Hayley seemed genuinely interested in me and what I had to say. Combine that with her cooking and all the other awesome things about her, this lady was special. 

 

After dinner I tidied up as I felt it was the least I could do, Hayley began to protest that at this stage I was still a guest so I shouldn't clean up but I didn’t want to hear it, I was in such a good mood from that dinner that I felt it was the least I could do the repay her. To be fair it was a very quick job, she had a dishwasher so it was mostly just a case of filling that as Hayley seemed to be a neat cook and cleaned as she went. 

 

Once the dishwasher was filled I took my seat back at the kitchen table and chatted with Hayley as we continued our wine. I had completely forgotten that my mother was on her way after that great meal and delightful company. That forgetfulness was quickly destroyed as the door bell rang and I realized it must be my mother. 

 

“Thats probably your parents, I’ll go let them in, if you want to wait in the sitting room, it’s just through that door” Hayley said calmly as she directed me to the sitting room. 

 

I felt like a dead man walking the green mile as I went from the kitchen to the sitting room. I knew my mother was going to make a spectacle of me and utterly humiliate me. No matter how many times she did this to me I could never get used to it, the rational part of me knew that people would just think my mother was a bit mental and not really think bad of me, but my rational brain never showed up on time and it would only chime in after weeks of reflection and reliving the humiliations. I had a feeling that this time it would probably be months as whatever about being humiliated, being humiliated in front of such an awesome woman was going to make things much worse.

 

I took a seat in a big leather armchair once I was in the sitting room, there was a two seater and three seater to choose from but if I took the arm chair then I could at least sit on my own and not have my mother next to me during this ordeal. 

 

I could hear Hayley answer the door and the shrill dramatic voice of my mother filled the house, I couldn't hear exactly what was being said but I could imagine it was not flattering towards me. I could feel my heart start to pound in my chest and I started to feel very warm, like I might be sweating. The adrenaline was pumping through my veins as my body was triggering its fight or flight mechanism, unfortunately past battles had thought me the easiest way to get through this was to pretend like I was taking this in good humor. If I tried to run, I would be followed, if I tried to fight the damage would be far worse. 

 

My knuckles were white from gripping the cool leather arm of my chair as Hayley and my parents walked into the room, time seemed to slow down and speed up all at the same time and I could feel my vision start to narrow. Panic was starting to attack me, I took a deep breath and held it for a couple of seconds before releasing which helped my vision and calmed me down slightly. I repeated and thought just agree with her and try to ignore as much as you can. 

 

“Oh my baby, mommy has missed you. Come over here and give me a hug” my mom bellowed as she spotted me sitting in the leather arm chair, spreading her arms out wide beckoning me to embrace her. 

 

I took another deep breath and stood up with an almost blank look on my face and moved towards her. She quickly engulfed me in a tight embrace which I did not return. To most people this would look like a sweet gesture of a mother and daughter embracing but the reality was this was an act of dominance, it was my mother trying to put me in my place and remind me that I had no power here. I don’t know why she insisted on doing this, what did she get out of it. 

 

The strong over powering smell of Chanel number 5 wafted from her, she always doused herself in her favorite perfume, especially when she had drank, trying to mask the smell. No matter how much perfume she had put on could mask the smell of alcohol from me. My nose was so keenly attuned to it, judging from the warm stale smell coming from her mouth she had been drinking today. Half a bottle of brandy I reckoned if the musk was anything to go by. 

 

There was no love in this embrace, just humiliation. She kept me in it for several seconds longer than was socially acceptable before she let me go and said “Mommys baby loves her huggies doesnt she” I just smiled politely and took my seat praying for this to end soon. I looked over to my dad for help but he just sat down in the 3 seater with the same look I had on my face. 

 

“Thats so cute” Hayley said before asking if anyone would like a drink. 

 

“Brandy if you have it, and Stuart will have a pepsi max as he is driving and we want to make sure his blood sugars stay normal” My mom said taking a seat on the two seater couch. 

 

“Oh I only have coke zero if that is ok with you” Hayley said as she went to a bookshelf that had a big cabinet in the centre, opening up the cabinet to reveal her fully stocked bar. 

 

“That will be fine” my mother said before giving my dad time to respond “As long as there is no sugar in it, he cant be trusted with sugar” 

 

Even my dad was not immune to the jibes and the put downs. He didn’t seem to phased by it, I’m not sure if he was aware what was going on to be honest. He worked a lot so he didn’t really have to deal with her to much. After his long work day he would normally come home and plant himself on the computer playing solitaire for hours on end. Then during the weekends he was either in the gym, doing some gardening or sorting out something for the local football club who he was the treasurer for. The only time he really had to deal with my mothers drinking would be when they went to a friends house or a dinner party or some rare social occasion. So for all he knew she just drank too much in social situations, he might even think that her jibes were coming from a place of love and may have even taken her at face value.

 

“And for you Mrs Hawthorne I hope Hennesy is ok” Hayley said handing my dad his coke and my mom her brandy

 

“Oh please call me Liz and yes Hennesy is perfect” My mom replied taking the glass greedily before Hayley returned to the bar. 

 

“Ok Liz, so should we get down to business?” said Hayley as she returned from the bar handing me a glass of the same wine we had at dinner and taking a seat beside my mom on the two seater with her own glass in hand. 

 

“Ok Hayley so I am a bit worried about my baby girl moving out of home, I don’t know if she told you but she still hasn’t mastered the potty at night time and I still need to take care of her” My mom said nastily to Hayley. I knew this was coming but I had no answer to fire back, I so desperately wanted to shout at her that I had filled in Hayley on everything and I didn’t need an alcoholic mother to take care of me. But instead I just took a drink of wine so when the eyes of the room fell on me my mouth would be full so I couldn’t respond. 

 

“She did indeed Liz, she was very mature and told me straight away once we thought this would be a good fit. It is not going to be a problem for me at all.” Hayley said quickly, reading that this was not something I was going to want to talk about. 

 

“Well I want to make sure you know what you are getting yourself into Hayley.” My mother said as she began to open a backpack that I had not noticed she had until now. To my horror she pulled a big, thick white nappy with cartoon unicrons and pink wings out of the back pack. “She does tinkle quite a bit at night so we had to get bigger nappies for her” 

 

I felt myself go as pail as the nappy and blush crimson at the same time, I think my body was about to have a stroke. This was by far the most humiliated I had been, I remembered those nappies my mother had bought them a couple of years ago when I had glandular fever and could not get out of bed so my mother had me in nappies 24/7 but I had not used them since I had gotten better, I was surprised that she still had them leftover. It was humiliating to have to wear them then but not nearly as humiliating as that statement.

 

“Well aren’t those just adorable” Hayley started before my mother cut her off.

 

“And sometimes my baby will forget to put her nappies on and will just pee all over everything, so I would be much happier if you would change her into her nappy in the evening. I don’t want to have to replace a bed” My mom said finishing her glass of brandy.

 

I froze in horror, she was pulling out all the tricks to try and scare off this lady. I looked to Hayley who just smiled at me and winked. 

 

“Ofcoarse Liz I would love to change Amanda’s nappies that won’t be an issue will it Amanda?” Hayley said sweetly and looked at me with her reassuring eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to answer so I just took a gulp of wine and nodded. 

 

“See Liz, you have nothing to be worrying about” Hayley said as she got up to refill my mom’s brandy

 

“So tell me about yourselves” Hayley asked before my mom had a chance to say anything more horrible, quickly changing the subject. Her plan seemed to work as my mother began talking about herself and forgot to talk more about me. I was still in a state of utter mortification so I just sat quietly, nursing my wine praying for my parents to leave. 

 

They stayed chatting for close to an hour before my dad took the subtle hints from Hayley that it was time to leave, my mom had drank quite a bit more by now and was openly slurring her speech. My dad helped her up off the couch and tried to escort her to the door. 

 

“Oh before we leave, Hayley I should show you how Amanda likes to be changed, we don’t want a fussy baby do we” my mother said with almost a sneer in her voice. My jaw dropped

 

“Oh that won’t be necessary Liz, I spent a few years as a carer in an old folks home so I know how to change a nappy” Hayley said again with a reassuring smile my way. This woman was good at saying just the right thing to my mom. Although I was terrified that she wasn’t just saying these things to keep my mom happy and she might actually be intending on changing my nappy every night. 

 

“Ok Hayley, I trust you” My mom said “Now baby come say good bye to your mommy” 

 

I stood up and went over to be engulfed by her freezing cold embrace once again. I was shaking with anger and embarrassment this time. As she let me go she said “Now you be a good girl for Aunty Hayley wont you “ I was too livid to speak so again I just nodded my head as Hayley ushered my parents out. 

 

It was finally over, I sat down and began to quietly sob my heart out

[Ubba]

I had my my knees tucked in tight to my body so I could bury my face into my lap. I clutched my shins tightly in the big leather arm chair and I cried, the flood gates were opened and water gushed from my eyes as I felt my cheeks flush as my throat grew swollen and sore.

 

I felt Hayley's hand on my head and could feel her sit on the arm next to me. She started to gently stroke my hair, her warm hands ever so carefully grazing the top of my head. It felt so comforting, that simple gesture was telling me everything was going to be OK. 

 

Even though I was being comforted and reassured by Hayley, I started to cry harder. Here a complete stranger was showing me more care and love than my own mother had in the last couple of years. It was too much to take and I completely broke down. 

 

I felt Hayley guide my head into her lap and I was vaguely aware of her trying to sooth me with soft coo’s about how to let it all out and that everything would be all right. 

 

I didn’t resist as my head softly landed in her lap, or when her fingers stopped stroking my hair and made their way to rubbing my back. I felt very cared for and protected in Hayley’s lap as I sobbed. 

 

I am not sure how long I stayed crying into Hayley but eventually my sobs stopped. After I had calmed down a bit I felt Hayley raise me so that I was sitting up in the arm chair as she got up off the arm of the chair and knelt directly in front of me. She took my hands in hers and stared deeply into my swollen blood shot eyes. 

 

“Amanda, I have no idea how you managed to stay so calm for so long with your mother” she said as she slowly massaged the tops of my hands with the thumbs.

“That was a bit of a nightmare, but we got through it and look I just want to reassure you that you have the room, nothing has changed in my eyes since meeting your mother.” 

 

“Are you sure” I meekly asked as my voice hoarsely broke

 

“You betya kiddo” Hayley replied with a broad smile “And if you never want your mother to step foot inside this house again that is completely your call” 

 

I broke out into a huge smile and half fell, half jumped out of the chair into Hayley wrapping her in a big hug.

 

“Thank you Hayley, thank you so much. You are really saving me here” I said as I berried my head into her neck. Hayley didn’t reply verbally, instead she hugged me back and lovingly rubbed and patted my back. 

 

“OK lets get you some water” Hayley said after hugging me for a while to which I simply nodded agreement “OK are you going to let go so I can stand up” She asked with an amused tone in her voice to which I just shook my head no. 

 

I felt so protected in this hug, so warm and cared for I did not want to let go. I knew I was being irrational but I just felt so safe that I didn’t care in that moment. 

 

I felt myself being lifted up and placed on Hayley's hip, I instinctively wrapped my legs around her and berried my face deeper into her shoulder. She had just lifted me up and was carrying me. I felt so little and I was beginning to love it. 

 

This was so different than what my Mother had done to me earlier in the evening. My mother was trying to humiliate me and exert her will on me where as Hayley was trying to sooth me and protect me. This feeling was borderline intoxicating. 

 

I felt us move through the sitting room and towards the kitchen I assumed as Hayley gently and ever so slightly bounced me on her hip as she strode. It felt like she was doing this effortlessly, my face was berried deep into her so I could now see if she was straining but it didn’t feel like it. 

 

We stopped and I heard a press open then the sound of running water as Hayley opened the tap to fill the glass. Suddenly the tap was closed and we were moving again, slowly bouncing. 

 

We came to a stop and I heard a glass being placed on a table as we got lower. I felt my legs being gently moved from around Hayley's hips to her front as she sat down and I ended up cradled on her lap, to this day I am not sure how she managed to do that so gracefully. 

 

As I sat cradled by Hayley I looked up at her, expecting to see a look of disgust or some sneer of dominance, but I only saw her love filled eyes looking down at me with adoration. I smiled up at her then closed my eyes and snuggled into her bosom. I could hear her heart beat and it was racing, it must have been more of a struggle for her carrying me than I thought. She slowly started to bounce me up and down on her lap and I was in heaven. 

 

We sat like this for some time, Hayley slowly bouncing me only stopping every so often to feed me a few sips of water before bouncing would quickly recommence. I had never felt more at peace than I did in her arms at that time. I was so over whelmed by the trauma my mother had caused earlier that all my barriers were down and I did not care that I was acting abnormally with this lady or the fact that she was eager to engage with this. I didn’t even consider what her motivations were nor at that moment did I care. 

 

Eventually I started to doze off. 

 

“OK kiddo I think it might be time for bed” Hayley said as she gently nudged me. 

 

“I think you are right” I said through a big yawn as I stood up off Hayley's lap and did a big stretch. I looked down and saw the backpack my mother had left, hoping she had left me some pj’s and my toothbrush I bent down and picked it up. I then looked Hayley right in the eyes “Thank you so much for tonight. I don’t know what this was but I needed it” 

 

Hayley look a little embarrassed by smiled at me “Don’t say another word, everyone needs looking after ever now and again” 

 

I smiled broadly at her and respecting her wishes I didn’t say anything else, instead I lent down and kissed her gently on the cheek. She smiled and blushed deeply from being kissed. Losing a bit of my bravery I turned heel and made my way to bed wishing Hayley a goodnight as I left the sitting room and ran up the stairs. 

 

My heart was racing when I got to my new room. I was starting to feel more and more self conscious and mortified by what had happened. I could feel my anxiety rising so I threw the backpack my mother had packed on the floor and retrieved my back pack. I quickly searched through my back pack trying to find my Xanax bottle that the Dr had prescribed for my anxiety. I always kept them with me partially because I never knew when I would need them but also if I kept them at home I knew my mother would find them and use them on me. 

 

I quickly found the bottle of Xanax and dry swallowed one pill. I knew the pill would kick fairly quickly and I would be able to sleep soundly so I got my new pack of dry nights out and hurriedly pulled off my trousers and pants and pulled a fresh dry night up. 

 

I opened the back pack my mother had packed and dumped the contents out on the bed hoping that she had packed some pj’s for me. Almost a full pack of those babyish nappies fell out along with my medication, toothbrush and a pastel pink pajama set. My dad must have helped her pack otherwise my medication would not have arrived. I was on anti depressants and while I couldn’t trust my mother with my Xanax she wouldn’t take my antidepressants as they would not give an instant high as they took weeks to kick in. 

 

I quickly put on my childish pajamas and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and take care of business before bed. 

 

When I got back into my bedroom the xanax were taking affect. I looked at the nappies sprawled on my bed and gathered them up. I wanted to just throw them in the bin but something stopped me and I just packed them away into the wardrobe in my room apart from one. 

 

I sat back down on my bed and got under the covers. I was staring at the nappy, looking at the happy unicorns on the landing strip. These nappies had a weird history to me. I brought the nappy up to my face and took a deep breath. They smelled of baby powder, this and the crinkle of the soft plastic brought me back to the memories of how those nappies came into my life. 

 

When I was 16 I got glandular fever and I was very sick for a long time, it took my almost 3 months to get over it. When I first came down with the sickness I was not able to get out of bed for the first month and I don’t remember much about the first couple of weeks of being sick. 

 

I had no energy and my mother had to take care of me. This meant that she had put me back in nappies full time as she didn’t want to help me to the bathroom, I’m not even sure if at the beginning of the illness if I was coherent enough to even make it to the bathroom, either way it resulted in me being back in nappies. 

 

At first I think my mother was just trying to humiliate me but it turned out different. She seemed to like changing my nappies and I even noticed that she stopped drinking when I was sick, I think she felt needed again. 

 

I remember once I started to be awake more that at first she might change me only at meal times and just before bed, this was really the only time she spent with me. But as I started to regain a bit of myself she was around more. She would start to check on my and change me as soon as my nappy had anything it rather than waiting to let them fill up. 

 

I actually really enjoyed this. Despite being aware what was happening I still had little to no energy and even trying to get out of bed did not end well. At first I was embarrassed especially as the nappies would have been fairly full. But as my mother grew into the role I really enjoyed her taking care of me. I didn’t have to worry about anything, I was so used to worrying about everything, like where was dinner coming from, or was my mother passed out from drink and would I need to get her in the recovery position so she wouldn't drown on her own vomit. 

 

But now my mother was here for me, I didn't need to take care of her she took care of me. It didn’t even seem like a chore to her she seemed to actually like taking care of her little girl again. Nappy changes were so much fun with her, she would tickle me and blow raspberries on my tummy and when she had finished changing me she would always kiss me on the forehead. 

 

I knew she wasn’t trying to embarrass me because it was just the two of us and she wasn’t making an issue out of it. It was the last time I ever felt loved, by anyone not just my mom. 

 

That only lasted a few weeks. I started to regain my strength and I needed her less and less. She still insisted that I needed to wear nappies but I was able to take care of myself. I could get to the bathroom and only had to change myself if I fell asleep.

 

Until I got the all clear from the Dr I was in nappies and my mother started drinking again once I could take care of myself. Then the humiliation started again, anytime anyone was over to visit during this time my mother would alway point out my nappies and make a point of telling people how she had to change me because I was so sick. 

 

That period of my life was very complicated which caused some complicated feelings towards those nappies. On one hand they reminded me of the most humiliated my mother had ever made me feel but on the other they also were part of the last time I had ever felt secure and loved. 

 

The xanax started to take their toll on me as I remembered my last stint in nappies and I fell asleep snuggling the white nappy into my face that night. 

[Baby Billy]

That was really fun to read, I think the mother was bad but see worst people in my life.?

[Ubba]

It has been about six weeks now since I moved in with Hayley and my life has never been better. I have been able to completely cut my mother out and have not been home except for when I picked up all my stuff from home to move into Hayley’s. It has been great. 

 

My mother has called me a few times asking when I was going to be coming home for a visit but I have been able to use being super busy with college as an excuse not to come home. Since I have Hayley I don’t need to go home like some of the people I hang out with as I get great home cooked meals every day and it is very easy to take care of my own laundry. It is like I am living at home, just with a way better mommy, no I mean mom.

 

After that first night with Hayley we had kept growing closer and closer. I was developing feelings for her and she was making me feel so good about myself in so many ways. We had developed a very cuddly friendship, thats the best way I could describe it. We weren’t romantic or anything, although I fantasized about it, but we would cuddle lots. 

 

The second night in Hayley's house, after we had picked up my stuff from home and had a delicious risotto for dinner we decided to watch a scary movie together. We found out that we both loved scary movies so we decided to watch a particularly scary one about a girl who got possessed by the devil. 

 

We both sat on the 3 seater couch, granted on opposite ends and Hayley had brought a big duvet down that we could both curl up under despite the distance. We were both wearing our Pj’s all snuggled up in the duvet, I had even worn my pull up as that was what I normally did when I put my pj’s on. Just before the movie started I started to feel a bit self conscious about being in my pull up, but right out the gate the movie was terrifying that I didn’t think about my underwear for too long. 

 

After each scare I would get a little bit closer to Hayley until eventually she had her arm around me and I was curled up into her bosom subconsciously looking for her protection. I had never felt as safe as I felt when I was in Hayley’s arms and to be honest I was not sure why. 

 

After the movie was over we stayed up a little while longer watching some sitcoms and chatting, I didn’t offer to move out from her arms and Hayley seemed very happy holding me for her part. I was still feeling a little scared from the movie but having Hayley hold me gave me some bravery. 

 

I started to get a little bit dozy and to avoid wetting my pullup in front of Hayley I decided to go to bed, we said good night and Hayley decided she wasn’t ready to go to bed yet so she stayed up watching tv. I brushed my teeth and went through my pre bed rituals in the bathroom before settling down for the night when I realized I had made a grave mistake. 

 

Normally when I would watch scary movies I would watch them with Abbey and would stay the night with her, so I would have never spent the night on my own afterwards. I was absolutely terrified in my new room, all alone in the dark. I didn’t want to sleep with the light on so I decided to open my bedroom door a crack to allow light from the hallway in hoping this would help. Unfortunately it did not so I curled up into a ball and tried not to cry from terror. 

 

Eventually I heard someone coming up the stairs and footsteps in the hallway which stopped abruptly at my door. To my horror my door started to slowly creek open and I quickly pulled my duvet up over my head. I could hear the footsteps getting closer and tears started to stream down my cheek. 

 

I heard Hayley’s soft and gentle voice calling my name and I meekly pulled down the duvet to see her standing in my doorway looking down at me with concern. Without saying another word she strode over to me and took me by the hand, helping me out of bed. She led me into her room and pulled back the duvet on one side of the bed indicating for me to get in. I obediently and gratefully crawled under the duvet and waited as she got changed for bed. 

 

Hayley got changed out of view and slid into the bed behind me. I was quickly wrapped in her warm embraced as she held me tight against her. I felt so safe and secure in her arms and when it dawned on me that my padded bottom was sitting in Hayley’s lap I didn’t even feel embarrassed. Thats how safe I felt that night, all the fear from the movie and my inner anxieties just melted away. 

 

We had been very close and cuddly ever since, most nights if we were watching tv together I would nearly always end up snuggled into Hayley’s bosom while sitting on her lap, sometime wrapped in a blanket or under a duvet. We were so snug together. I wasn’t sure what Hayley was getting from this though, I knew I was discovering how lovely it was to be snuggled and my feelings were growing deeper for Hayley I still wasn’t sure how she felt about me.

 

It wasn’t just the cuddles that I liked about our relationship but I felt like I could talk with her about anything. After my first day of college there was a girl that was in everyone of my classes and she was very arrogant, she tried to make out that she knew everything. 

 

In one of our classes, it was a basic computer literacy class that was to teach us how to use the Microsoft office suite and how assignments were to be referenced and formatted. It was an easy class and our 1st year tutor professor Doyle, was the professor for this class, she was a middle aged woman and had a warm and protective look to her. She had set this class to allow the students to get to know each other. She split us into groups and had us speak a little about who we were and what we were interested in. 

 

The arrogant girl was in my group and I found out that her name was Sarah. She liked classical music and classical literature and that she had just finished reading Plato’s ‘The Republic’. She seemed so up herself. 

 

When it was my time to talk about myself I mentioned my favorite bands and books and she immediately attacked my choices saying that I should read the classics as the plots in the books I like would have originally appeared in the classics. She also said that I should listen to Mozart to appreciate true genius. I was not happy. 

 

When I got home I had a big vent with Hayley, and she actually listened to me. When I would vent to my mom she would jump in and tell me all the ways whatever I was venting about was my fault. Abbey who was the other person I would vent to would go the opposite way and would help me think of ways to seek vengeance or what I should do to fix the situation. 

 

Hayley was different, after each point she would ask me questions about how I was feeling and get me to expand on that. It was weird and to be honest a bit tough but I felt like I was being heard, I never realized that I had never really felt heard before then. She didn’t offer up any advice until I had gotten my vent out of my system and asked her what she thought. 

 

Hayley told me that she thought that Sarah may just be feeling insecure and might be trying to impress people to become friends, but she never told me what to do she just left it at that which gave me a lot to think about. 

 

The next day in college at lunch time I saw Sarah sitting by herself so I decided to join her and she cracked a huge smile when I sat down with her. We talked and she still had that arrogant air to her but she was very friendly, when we talked more about music she didn’t tear my choices apart and we actually swapped play list’s on Spotify for the other to listen to. We were starting to become friends. Without the vent to Hayley on this I would have either been feeling bad that it was all my fault or I would be planning some sort of prank to get back at her. But now I had a new friend. 

 

My schedule for the first semester was not too bad. We took 4 subjects and would have 2 lectures and a tutorial for each subject. The earliest lecture was at 10 am and the latest I had to stay was 4pm. I also had Friday’s free so the schedule was very manageable. We were told to enjoy it though as 1st semester was to get used to college life and semester 2 would have a much heavier workload. This worried me a little bit but after our tutor announced this Sarah approached me to set up a study group and try to get at least an hour of study a day together which was exactly what I needed.

 

Thats how I had spent my last six weeks, getting settled into my new digs, getting to grips with college, making a new friend and bonding with Hayley. I had even managed to get a part time job in a restaurant as a waitress. It was only two shifts a week but it meant I had a bit of pocket money. 

 

It was Thursday and I was really excited, my big brother Charlie was coming home for a couple of weeks. He had moved over seas for work so I was lucky if I got to see him once a year, but he was coming home now and I was over the moon. He was seven years older than me and when I was growing up he did a lot to take care of me, we were very close despite the age difference. He was like another care giver to me and I missed him so much. 

 

My last tutorial of the week had been canceled so I was able to finish college early and after I met up with Sarah to do a bit of study I headed home. This was perfect as Charlie was getting in tomorrow and I would be meeting him at the airport with my parents and would probably stay the night so having a bit more time to myself, and to be honest a bit more time to spend with Hayley so I could be a bit more centered was just what I needed. 

 

I was really nervous about seeing my mam again, I no idea how she would be or what she had planned for the night but in general she was a bit better behaved when Charlie was around. Although she was getting worse, she still wasn’t as bad. But I was nervous, and as the day progressed and it got closer to the time when I would have to see my mother that nervousness was turning to dread. 

 

I got home far earlier for a Thursday. I would normally not come home until after work as there wasn’t really enough time to go home after college and then go to work. But today as the last tutorial had been canceled I had a couple of hours free time so wanted to just chill with Hayley. 

 

When I got home I threw my backpack in the hallway and went straight to the kitchen to see if Hayley was home. When I walked into the kitchen I was greeted by a very strange sight. 

 

Hayley was sat at the kitchen table with three of what to appeared to be baby bottles, without nipples just a cap, filled with milk. Her top was off and a breast pump was attached to one of her voluptuous bosom's, filling up a forth bottle with milk. She looked up at me with shock and tried to cover herself, I blushed bright red and quickly made an exit.

[Ubba]

I wearily walked back to my room not knowing what to make of walking in on Hayley milking herself. She had no kids, why were her breasts full of milk? What was she planning. Was that milk for me? We bonded by me sitting on her lap and snuggling into her bosom, did she now want me to suckle from her? 

 

I sat on my bed and put my head in my hands as these thoughts ran through my brain. Her breasts had lucked very welcoming with the brief glimpse I got of them and the idea of suckling them started to churn pleasurable feelings in my nether regions. Being snuggled up in Hayley’s lap drinking deep of her breast, that sounded so beautiful and warm to me, it both gave me a sexual desire and gave me great comfort. 

 

My cheeks began to beat bright red as the embarrassment kicked in. A grown women, granted just barely grown up, sucking on the boob of another woman for milk was a ridiculous idea. Why was I thinking of these perversions and what was Hayley’s plan for that milk. 

 

Was I the pervert or was Hayley? Was she trying to get me so comfortable with her that I would gladly suckle her for some sick and twisted perversion. Was that a fair comment, was that what she was doing or was my brain just jumping to the worst conclusion. 

 

I am not sure how long I had been contemplating in my room when I heard a gentle knock on my door. I meekly said to come in and Hayley awkwardly came through the door, her cheeks as crimson as mine. 

 

“So that was awkward” Hayley said quietly to which I slowly nodded. 

 

“I am sorry you saw that” she began “I’m sure you have a ton of questions but I guess I should start with why I am lactating” 

 

I looked up at her, not able to meet her gaze but nodded slightly to indicate I was listening. 

 

“OK so it is a side effect of medication I am on, I have a bit of a stomach condition and the pills I take make me lactate” Hayley said pausing after the word lactate 

 

I was finally able to look her in the eyes and she looked as uncomfortable as I felt. She was definitely telling the truth and was not trying to cover anything up. A wave of relief crashed over me and I couldn’t help but smile. I almost flung myself at Hayley, wrapping her in a big hug and planting a kiss on her cheek. 

 

“Whoa, whats that about kiddo?” Hayley asked in surprise

 

“I was just having the worst thoughts before you came in” I started before tears started to well up in my eyes. 

 

I think she could sense I was about to cry, my face was nuzzled into her chest so she wouldn’t have been able to tell, maybe she could pick up the tone in my voice. She wrapped my in a warm and loving embrace and started to pat my back. 

 

“Are you OK kiddo?” She asked me with a soothing tone. 

 

“Yeah, yeah” I struggled to get out “I just had a terrible thought that you were trying to groom me or something”

 

She stopped patting my back and there was a long pause. I felt her hug slacken somewhat before she finally spoke.

 

“What do you mean groom?” Hayley asked somberly 

 

“I don’t know, like you had some perversion that wanted to treat me like a baby or something and you wanted me to breast feed from you.” I blurted out

 

Again more silence and again her hug went more slack.

 

“What makes you say that” She asked monetonelessly and I could feel her heart beat quicken

 

“Well you are always there to cradle me, snuggle me and look after me” I began 

 

“Well if it is scaring you I can stop” She said quickly with a tinge of anger ringing through. 

 

I hugged her tighter and started to bawl my eyes out. 

 

“No, no I don’t want that, I love how you treat me, it makes me feel so safe and special, I just didn’t know what you got out of it and I think my brain was over reacting and trying to self sabotage” I said between big ugly sobs.

 

I felt myself being lifted up and cradled in Hayley’s arms and her heart rate started to slow. She sat down on my bed and settled down with her back against my head board, her legs stretched out on my bed and me snuggled on her lap with my head on her bosom. She then kissed me on the forehead. I smiled deeply and nuzzled in to Hayley. We stayed like this for some time without saying a word. 

 

“Amanda, I am not too sure why but I do get loads out of cuddling and snuggling you, it makes me feel great too. It makes me feel so strong and confident and honestly It makes me feel loved.” Hayley admitted after some time. 

 

Now I knew, she was feeling the same wonderful feelings I was but just from a different angle. It felt like I was in some wonderful dream. I nuzzled in some more to Hayley and felt warm and snuggly and that I could be completely vulnerable. 

 

“Being in your arms makes me feel so loved” I said which caused Hayley to hug me tighter and plant another kiss on my forehead. 

 

“You’re such a cute little girl” Hayley said sweetly. I looked up at her loving face and I could almost taste the nervous energy coming from Hayley after that sweet remark.

 

“I like being your little girl” I said as a big genuine smile broke across my face and I was met with many loving, motherly kisses on my cheeks with that admission. 

 

Unfortunately our snuggly bliss had to come to an end when a notification sounded on my phone to remind me to get ready for work. With a sigh we both got up and Hayley took on last look at me, a content smile on her face, and left the room. 

 

I quickly changed into my work cloths, a plain black shirt and skirt. I put on some foundation and some subtle eye make up before spritzing the air with some perfume and walking through the sweet smelling cloud. 

 

I skipped out of my room and went to look for Hayley, I found her in the kitchen getting ready to prepare her dinner. She smiled at me when she noticed me standing in the door way. I skipped up to her and emboldened and feeling complete confidence I kissed her deeply on the lips. 

 

“I will see you after work and I am looking forward to being your little girl” I said confidently and could almost feel Hayley’s heart flutter in her chest as a huge smile broke out across her face.   

 

I made my way to work and I was walking on air. I felt so confident and happy. This goddess of a woman, Hayley, liked me, like taking care of me, I made her feel good. This felt like I was on some amazing drug. I felt indestructible and I am fairly sure I was strutting as I made the ten minute walk to work. 

 

Work passed by fairly quickly. It wasn’t too busy only had a handful of tables throughout the night, which was expected for a Thursday. Although I made a generous amount of tips, I think my new found confidence was translating over to the patrons or else I was just lucky. 

 

During my down time I found myself fantasizing a ton about Hayley. Being snuggled up on her lap and having her boob in my mouth gulping down her milk greedily. I didn’t feel any shame thinking about nursing from her this time. I felt too good about myself to care how weird or perverse it was for an 18 year old to be breast fed by a fully grown woman. I was also getting very curious about her breast milk and what it tasted like, also what she did with it after she pumped.  

 

Before I knew it closing time was upon us and I was shutting the door and started cleaning the floors while the shift manager cashed up the bar and went about their closing duties. He was an older gentleman and he had been in the restaurant game his entire life it seemed. He was very kind to me and never seemed to get angry. As I finished washing the floors he smiled at me and handed me my tips, praising me for a good shift as I left out the back so as not to dirty up the floor. 

 

I hurried home, which was normal, even though I lived very close to the restaurant I still hated the walk home in the street light. I always felt a little bit ill at ease. When I was about a hundred yards from home I couldn’t help but skip my way back to the house. 

 

When I got home I made my way straight to the sitting room knowing thats where Hayley would be, I was desperate to see her. She was sitting on the couch, covered by a duvet and she was knitting. I knew she knitted as a hobby but I had never actually seen her do it before, she was the picture of a loving mother. I wasn’t sure why that was the first thing that popped into my head when I saw her but I was feeling too good to care and my heart pounded in my chest at the sight of her. 

 

When she saw me come in the door she shot me a huge smile and put her knitting to the side, patting her lap invitingly. I didn’t need to be told twice and I bounded over to her almost jumping into her lap and kissing her fully on the lips. 

 

“I missed you Kiddo” she said as we broke our kiss. 

 

“I missed you too” was all I could reply as I got up out of her lap “I got to shower now but I will warm up your lap when I’m done” 

 

“OK be quick, I can’t wait for my little girl to be all snuggled up with me” she said sweetly with a loving smile. 

 

I blushed beet red, but not with embarrassment, this was different, this felt nice, it felt good, it felt right. I couldn't help but smile back at Hayley, I didn’t know what to say so I just blew her a kiss and made my way to the shower. 

 

When I got under the shower I was incredibly aroused, part of me wanted to think about why I was feeling that way but the majority of me didn’t care. I was tempted to relieve myself but resisted the temptation as that would just take time to get back to Hayley. I washed myself quickly, and decided to shave my legs, I had shaved my legs a couple of days ago so there was a bit of stubble and  I wanted to make sure I was smooth. 

 

When I was finished with my legs I looked to my bush, well more a shrub than a bush. I decided I wanted to be completely smooth. I am not sure why, I was feeling very aroused so I think my hormones were playing havoc on me but I wanted to be smooth so I shaved off all my pubic hair.

 

I turned the shower off, hopped out and wrapped myself in a towel and started to dry myself off before wrapping my hair in another towel and going into my room to get into my pajamas. I wasn’t sure what pajamas I was going to wear, I wanted to dress sexy for Hayley and I didn’t think I had any pj’s that were particularly sexy. As I opened my door and switched on my light I realized it was not something I needed to worry about. 

 

On my bed Hayley had laid out a set of pink cotton pajamas along with one of my pull ups and a bottle of baby powder. I smiled happily, this act made me feel very small and loved. 

 

I had never used baby powder under my pull up before but I finished drying off and poured some powder into my hand. I then patted it around my crotch and bum then rubbed it in. I pulled up my night time under wear and they felt amazing. They felt far softer and much more snuggly than they had without the powder. I smiled happily again and quickly put on my pj’s before hastily heading back down stairs, my hair still wrapped up in a towel. 

 

I found myself snuggled up in Hayley’s lap again, this time underneath the duvet. She was holding me slightly differently know, before tonight she would keep one hand supporting my at the small of my back, but tonight that hand moved down to my padded botty and her hand gently patted and rubbed my bum softly. Normally anyone knowing I was wearing a pull up, let alone touching it would be enough to bring me to near tears but the way Hayley patted me just made me feel more loved. It was a gesture that she completely accepted me, warts and all. 

I looked up into her big loving eye and gently pulled her head towards me and kissed her on her big lovely lips before I boldly invaded her mouth with my tongue