Staring at Stars (update 1/2)

[AndTheChips]

Part 18:

The baby, however, was fast asleep, and both women were looking right at Clara, who quickly whipped back around, hiding her face in the soft fur of the bunny. See, it was perfect. If she can’t see them they can’t see her. That’s how it works, right?  

 

“Oh my goodness, I’m sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to startle you”, the stranger apologized with a chuckle, though Clara just pretended to be invisible, face hidden in the bunny, forehead leaning forward and resting on the edge of the cart. “Looks like someone is ready for a nap, huh?” 

 

“Yeah, we’d better get going, we have another stop to make before that. It was nice talking to you, and thanks for the tip on the diaper bag”, Stacy said, and then Clara could feel something heavy being placed into the cart behind her that she assumed was the backpack. Clara stayed hidden until they had strolled for a bit and then hazarded a peek from behind the lovey. Seeing no one nearby, she raised her forehead off the lovey and the edge, feeling a slight crease left behind on her face. 

 

“Well hello again, pumpkin”, Stacy smiled down at her, still walking. Looking around, Clara pulled her paci out and said, “Ssstacy?”  

 

“Yeah hun?” Stacy asked, slowing her stride and looking at the girl with all of her focus. 

 

“Sh-she- tha-that woman, did she s-say anything to you about my… my d-diapers?”  Clara said the last part in such a quiet whisper it seemed like her lips were only moving with no sound coming out. 

 

“No, honey, she was just saying that this bag is really great, she has one at home”, Stacy said, eying Clara carefully. 

 

“B-but she di-didn’t think it was w-weird or anything that I-I-‘m… you know… and I’m not…”. Clara couldn’t quite find the words and she couldn’t meet Stacy’s eyes either. 

 

“Can you try to use your words, Clara honey?”, Stacy asked, encouragingly, while brushing Clara’s hair out of her eyes. 

 

“A f-freak or or something. Be-because I’m t-too old”, Clara stuttered out, wishing that the pacifier was back in her mouth and starting to suck in air like she might cry again. 

 

“Hey, hey, no”, Stacy said, suddenly serious, looking around and pulling the cart off into the deodorant aisle before hugging the small girl. “You are okay. You are not a freak, you have a little problem and that’s okay. You’re going through some really big things right now and you are just fine the way you are. Lots of kids wear diapers. And… and”, she hesitated a bit at this last part, looking like she wasn’t sure if she should say the next part or not, “honey you don’t look all that old right now”. 

 

Clara’s bottom lip quivered a little bit. She didn’t know if that made things better or worse. Certainly it was less embarrassing if she could fly under the radar as a little kid, but she was supposed to be a big girl-a college student now. A grown-up. Not a-a- baby.

 

“Hey, hey, you’re okay, sweetie, you’re fine. It probably feels frustrating when you’re trying so hard to be big to deal with all of this, I can imagine, but maybe… maybe if you’re not trying to be big it won’t feel so frustrating. Maybe we can pretend it’s a kind of game?  Yeah!  If you choose to make it a game you’re reclaiming agency over the situation. You’re in charge, you’re the one with the power, not anyone else”. Stacy said all of this as if she were just thinking out loud, but when she looked at Clara’s face and saw the same trembling lip, her heart broke a little. “Oh Clara, I’m so sorry forget all of that, it’s just my crazy brain, I was just trying to make it feel better and now I’m just making a rambling fool of myself and making it worse. I’m sorry, Clara, what can I do to make it better?”, she looked so sincere it made Clara like her even more. 

 

Only it wasn’t something Clara could forget.  It didn’t completely make sense to her. It shouldn’t. Stop trying to be grown-up and let everyone here think she was a little kid to be in control of it all?  But it also didn’t not make sense. If that made any sense. Her head felt full and her eyes puffy and sore. She just wanted to go to… to… she didn’t even know what she wanted. 

 

If she admitted to being little she wouldn’t be in control, that would be akin to handing over control, no?  Wasn’t that what she had been doing this whole time, losing more and more power and control?  I mean here she was not even allowed her own (hideous) shoes for goodness sake. I mean she did hate them and it had kind of been worth it to get that last kick in though. And riding in the cart was kind of nice, or would be if it weren’t so mortifying. Wouldn’t leaning into all of this just make it worse though?  More demeaning?  Hadn’t she already realized that letting Stacy make the decisions felt better since she didn’t have to be as embarrassed or self-conscious about them?  She was just being a good girl doing what Stacy wanted her to do then. But if she chose this, that would be a whole different level of mortifying, no?  Or would it feel more like her own choice?  Like she was the lead actor in some game they were playing. One where she could let herself off the hook from being big or mature or perfect and could get out of her own head about all of this stuff even just for a short time. It was all a bit too abstract, like having a philosophy discussion in her own head. 

 

While she was thinking this, she unconsciously started to bring her thumb up to her mouth, only to be stopped by Stacy’s gentle hand.  Rubbing a small circle on the back of Clara’s hand with her thumb, Stacy apologized, saying “I’m sorry, love, it is just so dirty in here, I really just don’t want you getting sick”. She was looking at Clara with such tenderness and there wasn’t a hint of condescension present on her angular features. She seemed to be waiting on an answer from Clara still, but Clara didn’t know what answer to give. 

 

“I don’t know”, Clara answered in a small voice, but she also looked Stacy in the eye and feeling that same sense of trust she had in the infant suite, she popped the pacifier back into her mouth and gave a gentle nod. 

_________________________________________

Hey guys, thanks for the support. I’m not gonna lie, I feel like that whole ‘don’t write yourself into a corner’ thing is really true and I’m more and more feeling penned in by the initial sequence and the attitude I framed it with. Every time I write Clara I feel like I get a different scope of the story, and the different choices I’m making (or not making!) might lead to different possible Clara’s and stories. It’s the whole multiverse thing, damnit!  
 

But I’m realizing more that things don’t have to be perfect (and also that I have the power to edit aka tweak that first scene if I really feel the need down the line. Just the teensiest of teensy tweaks of course, don’t worry). And that trying to figure out the multiverse is not my thing. Which is leading me to write with more enjoyment and less hold-ups which is also leading me to post more frequent updates.

So… I guess that’s that. I’m no longer *EXACTLY* sure where Clara’s character will be. This is literally not even a 24-hour sequence so far and the poor thing has been through the ringer. But then again isn’t that a tactic employed by the military? Break ‘em down and build ‘em back up. Maybe Clara’s getting to the build up. Maybe. 
 

Thoughts and suggestions are always welcome. If I don’t take them it doesn’t mean I don’t love them!

[Sarah Penguin]

[Babytom948]

Getting good now

[D503]

Nice. It's a tricky one without an internal struggle, antagonist etc. Perhaps she sees a cute boy/girl but they laugh/treat her like a baby and so she's mortified and demands release from "the program" and only goes deeper via public wettings and needs further correction.

[Tinybabyboy76]

I absolutely love this so far!! Can't wait for more!!! I love the Internal struggle of Clara. I like it when they don't fully give in.  It's better that way. I feel like when the character fully gives in to everything you lose the excitement. So love everything so far and love the idea of keeping that aspect.

[zeeko28]

Loving the slow regression style and humiliation of this story. Especially the public humiliation! (The poop accident and shopping cart part were great) Can't wait for more embarrassment at college. Maybe a student will see her!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[otherother]

Oooh. I just got caught up but I like the potential here. There is definitely an interesting story where Clara starts to spiral a bit into regression with Stacy's help and has a great time being a big baby.

Though I can see how if you go the route where she is more okay with it you might want to just delete the bit from the future at the start of the story. It is such a clean cut from that to the next chapter, and the rest of the story is strong enough, that you could do that anyway if you feel it helps make it easier to write.

 

Though paused right here you definitely have a lot of options for turning the story back towards your initial goal if you think that is more interesting. Like the emergency course correction option is still available where Clara could for once manage to find the right words and explain to Stacy that she has misunderstood things a bit.

I think after that idea she has planted in Clara's head it would be funny if Clara managed to explain to her that she isn't usually such a baby and would like Stacy's help to get her back to normal. Then they could end up switching sides with Stacy trying her hardest to undo what she has started while Clara is just falling apart after all that has happened and is using regression to cope more and more.

[Sarah Penguin]

hmmm

[Bel George]

I just discovered this story yesterday and I love it very much.

A few situations don't seem quite realistic to me (to the extent that that is possible in an ABDL story), especially when Clara, being a student, really starts to look like a toddler in a shopping cart. And other people see her that way too.
But other than that I think it's a great story.

Keep writing, please. 

[Sarah Penguin]

Clara needs a hug, and a diaper pat Maybe a baby bouncer someplace in her buildings common area so she can destress by  bouncing in her diaper and also letting her socaize with other people in her building.