A bad week

[baby vinny]

So I have severe depression I have delt with it for years 4 years ago was my last inpatient hospital stay.  This last week I have had so many thought of ending my life and just not wanting to deal with people.  I missed work on Monday just from the fact I didn't want to deal with anyone. I have talked to some close friends that know of my depression and how I get at times.  While talking to them again today they asked if they needed to take my firearms since they know what my plan was 4 years ago.  We got talking about it and I told them I didn't want the firearms removed at this time but would tell them if it need to happen.  The thing that stops me is as soon as I do it it will make me a hypocrite as I always tell my wife life will improve. And if I go through with it I become a liar.   I have attempted in the past and 4 years ago it involved more than my self. This time it only involved me. 4 years ago I bought my burial plot so I would have it.   This last year has been extremely hard I went from having a good paying job to being unemployed to finding a new job to being unemployed again I have not taken time lately to let my little side out as I worry about what others think. All my close friends know I wear diapers and have pacifiers for when I get overly stressed.

I was starting a new career for my second job and it triggered some bad memories and made me think of everything I did to push everyone away as a child. And I have been struggling with it since even after walking away from the job.  I think it's time to let my little out but then I worry on if he'll go back away when I have to be an adult again.

[abgreen]

It sounds like a bad week, and perhaps a bad year for you! Hang in there. If you have not already done so, please consider seeking out some professional help. A good therapist and medications are not a cure, but they can be important pieces towards feeling better. 

[Firefly 35]

@baby vinny I think you'll be ok to let your little side out.  If your friends are ok with you wearing diapers and pacifiers, they'd probably be understanding of littlespace as well. 

As for finding a new job, try putting anyting important on your resume next to the left margin when possible.  Employers are far more likely to notice it there.

I hope this helps.