Our Camp Days (Complete)

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter 9

Sidney was a pretty restless sleeper when he was on the top bunk, but down here in my bed, with my arm around him... he slept blissfully still. And so when I woke up - and I was the first of us to wake up - he was still asleep, still with my arm around him. The morning light shone through the window and I gently sat up. Well, nobody had tried to kill us during the night.

"Hey Sidney, you awake?" Part of me expected him not to be able to talk to me again, like last night was a brief reward for having stuck up for him.
      
"Mm..." But upon realizing I was being shaken, realizing I wasn't in my bed, realizing everything, I sat bolt upright and nearly tumbled out of the bed. But things were fine. Nothing touching me. Still have my blanket around me. My pillow wasn't touching him. I was fine. I took a deep breath to let my heart rate settle down.

I knew that telling him to calm down would only make him feel worse, so I waited for his breathing to settle just a little bit before smiling.

"It's only me. Everything's cool, Sidney. How'd you sleep?" He was looking around the cabin, as if to check if anything in his surroundings had changed during the night.

"Fine..." I did sleep fine, too. Very fine. I finally let my shoulders fall and took a deep breath. Things were normal. Everything was okay. I'd have to shower soon, obviously, even disregarding how well everything went. But I did sleep fine. Certainly.

"Head still hurts. Not dizzy. That's good."

"That is pretty good, yeah." I gently crawled over the boy, being careful to avoid touching him even through his blanket so much as I could.

"It's kinda funny, you know. Your parents sent you here to make you talk and here you are, talking." He didn't have to explain ~ we both knew it was very specific to being around me. But that was still talking, right?

"Obviously the next step from here is for me to move in with you and be your interpreter."

"Obviously."

I couldn't help but smile at the parallel. I supposed, above everything, it had worked in the end. But they were trying to scare me into talking. In reality, what got me talking again was just kindness. I scooted aside on the bed and allowed Kris to climb out past me. I wrapped my arms around myself.
"Now, I don't take up much space, and I can share your bed - but what about the cooking situation? I hope your Mom is a good cook, because I'm an appreciator of fine food." I smirked at the end of the rambling; it was all just nonsense anyway, but it was nonsense that brought a little wary smile to the boy’s face. I slipped my shirt and jeans off, gingerly hanging them over a wire that ran the length of the little cabin, and walked around in my underwear as I made my way back to my case to find some clean clothes.

I looked down at my feet, trying not to observe the boy in front of me in nothing but his underwear. He was much more attractive than me. Ugh. My body was just another part of me I hated. I couldn't exercise, though - too risky. So instead I let myself get rounded, sitting quietly and watching my feet the way I do.

"You don't have to look away, you know. I don't know if it’s a quirk thing or you're trying to be polite, but it's really okay." I leaned down to pluck out a pair of cargo pants and a band top. Sidney still wasn't looking up, though.

"Uhhuh." I still didn't look away from my socks. I wasn't used to seeing anyone undressed, and especially not a boy I'd wind up sharing a bed with for the next few months. And above it all, I was blushing. I hated how often I blushed. Why couldn't I write my own life? Take out the parts that pissed me off and make it better?

I slipped into the pants, and he chanced a glance for just a moment; his cheeks burning redder than I'd seen them. Huh. Maybe that did make some level of sense. I finished getting dressed and sat down on the chair just across from the bed where Sidney was sitting and started to lace my shoes.

"So back home; anyone special? Girlfriend?" He'd gone out of his way to tell me how he wasn't gay, but there was certainly something there.

"You can’t really get far in a relationship when you can't talk. Communication really is everything." I didn't bother mentioning the other issues, like touching. Couldn't have a relationship without that, either, really. I didn't look up, even after Kris had finished changing. My cheeks were still red.

"You can talk to me." I smiled and finished lacing my shoes. "Do you want me to wait outside while you get changed?" Realistically, he'd probably go to the showers if I knew him as well as I was beginning to think I did.

"Gotta shower first." I gave Kris a little smile and looked out the window. The sun was up. I blew out my candles and slipped my boots on, which I'd put by the side of the bed the way I always did. I was still wearing my jeans and my coat, even though it was only getting warmer as the day progressed.

"I'll walk with you." With was a relative term, a nice way of saying that I'd escort him up there and keep him safe from the douchebag patrol. My stomach churned at the idea of him being hurt, and I wondered what it was that made me so damn protective of him. Realistically, I was a nice guy but I was never so… invested.

I brought my own towel with me - one of five - this time and made my way down to the showers. They were outdoors, which bothered me, but I had all that worked out. I slipped out of my boots once we reached the stalls, putting my feet careful into a pair of plastic slippers. It would negate having to keep my feet on the ground and I wouldn't have to soak through my boots the way I had the day before.

"It's really a big deal for you, isn't it?" I wasn't teasing; just questioning, and he nodded his head quietly and continued his rituals. In the distance by the cabins, two of the boys from yesterday, Ivan and Chris-with-a-Ch where emerging, rough-housing with one-another and laughing. They hadn't seen us yet, and with any luck they wouldn't.

I pulled the curtain around me with a pinch of my towel and turned on the water, slipping out of the rest of my clothes while the water heated. Showering was always a blissful moment for me, even if the water wasn't particularly clean. I'd researched this place, though - they did have a filtration system and it eased my mind. Like I'd suspected, though, I still couldn't talk outside the cabin. I thought nothing of it.

Sidney showered and I stood guard just outside his little cubical, listening as the water cascaded down over the boy and onto the tiled floor. I didn't look up when the boys approached, my arms crossed and one leg crooked with my foot pressed flat against the wall. Ivan nodded at me, but it was Chris who spoke.

"What up, Kris-with-a-K. You still hanging out with that mute faggot?"

"Fuck off, Chris. He's a good guy; gets a lot of shit at home. You think he really needs to be given crap here?"

"Oh look who's all words and diplomacy now. You tired of watching your back?"

"Ivan, I have nothing to watch out for. You're all a bunch of pussies anyway. Shit that Sidney goes through is way more than either of you bitches could handle."

"Right, right. Like being a buff guy’s bitch is really fucking challenging."

"He's not my bitch. He's my friend."

"Didn't see him getting your back yesterday. Some friend, right?"

"He didn't need to, did he?" Chris rolled his eyes and looked at Ivan, and nodded toward the breakfast tent.

"Come on bro, let’s get some grub."

The shorter boy nodded and then spat on my foot.

"Don't back a losing horse, Kris."

"Yeah, I made sure not to." And with that, the conversation was done. The shower still poured down and I figured he probably didn't even hear the exchange.

I heard everything. That's the thing about showers. They only cancel a particular kind of noise, and screaming through a very thin curtain certainly wasn't the kind of noise it cancelled. I sighed and shook my head, finishing the usual rituals and wrapping the towel around me. I wanted to tell Kris he didn't need to do this. That I was used to it. But for now, I couldn't say anything.

I heard the shower stop and took a step away with the stall to give Sidney some space - I knew he didn't like it when people got to close.

"How was your shower?" He didn't reply, simply smiling, and I remember what he'd said about safe places.

I'd dressed myself in fresh clothes before coming out from behind the curtain, slipping back into my boots only a moment after my slippers hit the dirt. I unwrapped the towel and bundled all my dirty clothes, tying off the top. They would be unusable until I could wash them. Then, with the bag of towel in my hand, I started back up toward the cabin.

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[Wannatripbaby]

Another lovely chapter. 

Kris's banter with Chris & Ivan was gold. As soon as he was like "He didn't need to, did he?" I was like "????????" 

[Baby Billy]

Yes I get this, Kris has feelings for Sidney but he is trying to figure out what they are.  I like the sleeping arrangement as a kid I had a little brother that was 8 years younger and we shared a room, was hell sometimes but whenever he had a bad dream he would crawl into my bed for safety  

[Sophie ♥]

5 hours ago, Baby Billy said:

I had a little brother that was 8 years younger and we shared a room, was hell sometimes but whenever he had a bad dream he would crawl into my bed for safety  

AWW that's cute!!

6 hours ago, Wannatripbaby said:

As soon as he was like "He didn't need to, did he?" I was like "????????" 

KRIS IS SASSY  

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter 10

"So I guess we gotta be in the cabin to talk, huh? That's cool. I don't like being many other places around here anyway. Plus we got a deck of cards; what more do we need, right?" I was cheerful and optimistic, though I knew things weren't so easy and simple for Sidney.

I slung the towel down by the bed, emptying it's contents before folding it in half. Then, from my suitcase, I grabbed a scrub brush and a little bottle of yellow liquid. Using my boots to maneuver the chair, I climbed on top of it and started to scrub the wire clean that ran the length of the room. I couldn't put clean clothes on a dirty wire to dry, obviously.

"I can get that, if you want?" I didn't know if it was kosher for me to clean things for him - it probably wasn't - but I had very little to do in this place and helping him out was satisfying in its own little way.

"So you can't talk out there, right? You can still talk in here, though? I hope so. I really like the sound of your voice. Has this kinda soft and smooth quality; guess 'cause you don't use it very much at all so it's still in brand new condition, huh?" I smiled, trying to make this all less serious. Or to show I understood.

I looked over at the door, closed, and the window, also closed, and nodded my head.

"Maybe. I don't know how it works, really." I finished cleaning part of the wire and wiped it down with the towel, then started again on another section after climbing down and moving the chair. In reality, it was probably better having Kris do it since he wouldn't need the chair, but it was something particular.

"I have to do it. Sorry."

"I get it. I mean, as much as I get it." I flashed a little grin and watched the boy meticulously wiping down the wire, little bits at a time, and then moving the chair along.

"You know, a lot of people probably find your quirks really endearing. Like, I don't mean condescendingly so or whatever. Just mean you have a real eye for detail - I guess you have to - and that's something that a lot of people find really charming."

"Like who?" The comment was passive. I wasn't really there for the conversation, but it was difficult to keep it halted. I so rarely had conversations and I certainly didn't want them to stop. So I kept this one going, even if I was barely listening. Something about finding me charming?

"Like me. I mean, I think it's really cool. I think about you doing stuff like that, and then think about if you were doing something like... making someone a gift, or doing some research or making a YouTube playlist for someone you liked. You wouldn't cut corners, you wouldn't settle for anything but the best because you're so used to being thorough. I dig that." I'd taken a seat on the remaining chair while I spoke, but I continued to look up at Sidney as he fussed away at the little task.

I bit my lip and felt my cheeks light up. He thought I was charming? Wow. I stepped off the chair and kicked it sideways, stepped back up and continued to wash the wire. Wow. I didn't say anything else for a long time, trying to get my blushing under control. Finally, the wire was clean and I put the scrub brush bristles down on the table. I'd have to rinse it. I'd have to wash my clothes later, too.

I caught a hint of color in his cheeks when he stepped down off the chair, and for a long while he said nothing. I said nothing, either, content just to watch him work, thoughtfully. Finally he stepped down and set the scrubbing brush down and I smiled.

"I'm really glad I met you, you know? These other guys are all assholes. But you make this place pretty okay. I mean, it sucks that you got sent here in the first place. But your misfortune is my silver lining." I paused. "Wow, that really made me sound like a jerk, huh?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"I've heard worse." He was trying really hard. Harder than anyone else in my life. So I took a deep breath and nodded my head.

"If you want, you can take that brush down to the showers and rinse it off. I don't want to ask too much, but if you could only hold it by the bristles and not the handle..." I didn't suspect Kris touching the brush would kill me. But I had been wrong before.

It was clear that even that concept made him a little unsettled, but maybe if I showed him that he could trust me to follow his guidelines, he'd be able to be more at ease. So I smiled and picked up the brush - by the bristles.

"Seriously, don't ever be afraid to tell me how you like things done. To me it doesn't matter how I hold it. It’s all the same. I'm happy both ways. But to you it means a whole world of difference, so it only makes sense to do it in a way that makes you happy. Understand?" I was using my encouraging, inspiring, you-can-do-it! tone of voice that I'd developed when mentoring some of the younger kids back home in football. It usually worked, too, and I'd learned a long time ago to keep any trace of condescension far removed.

"Uhhuh..." He sure was something, wasn't he? I felt my chest rise and fall a little quickly, my palms warm against my pockets. But it was hot out. Makes sense.

Kris left the room and I sat down on his bed. Or my bed. It was hard to tell now. His blanket was still on his side, and I was thankful. If I washed it, though, I could have it touch me. Maybe if he wore a coat, he could hold me under the blanket. But I'd have to wash his coat, too...

The door clicked closed behind me and I started my way toward the shower block; the other guys were all at the meals tent laughing and talking and nobody really took much noticed as I directed the high pressure hose at the brush. I was careful, too, not to touch the handle in any way; even though the pressure from the hose bombarding my fingers left my entire hand red and raw by the time I was done. I looked over at the tent, at the boys starting to disperse, and with my fingers still only holding the bristles I made my way up there.

Breakfast service was finished, but the serve-self pantry and ice-box were well-stocked. I started to awkwardly collect a few things with my free hand. A few wrapped granola bars. Juice-boxes. Corn chips. And then a jar of salsa, balanced precariously. I was proud of myself though; all this stuff was wrapped and he'd be able to enjoy it. I made it to the cabin uneventfully and gently nudged the door open with my shoulder. Food. Drink. And a clean scrubbing brush!

I smiled delightfully at the food Kris brought in with him. We'd missed breakfast in our long morning and I'd given up on the idea of eating that morning. Still, he brought only packaged things. "Thanks. Just right there on that towel, for the brush, please."

"I had to touch the bristles of the brush to bring it back, obviously, but my hand got well cleaned along with it and didn't touch anything else so it should be okay." I smiled proudly and put the brush down on the towel, then set the packaged items down on the table.

"If you want, with things like the chips and salsa, you can pour me some out on a plate. I have some paper plates in my bag - that way you don't risk me contaminating the food."

"Yeah. That's really... smart." I almost said sweet. I bit my lip. It was only a minute later Kris had separated our meals and I began to eat my own chips and salsa. It was really good, too, especially for camp food. Kris watched me eat precariously, careful not to touch anything other than wrapped goods.

"Can't wear gloves with food. Gloves touch gross things. Gloves touch food. Hands only."

"Your hands are less red today." I smiled with a nod ~ ironically, my left hand was filling in on that role, red and raw and a little puffy from the onslaught of high-pressure water.

"Have you thought about like... cleaning wipes. Like you know those alcohol ones? That way you could get your hands disinfected without getting them all raw and sore." I ate a corn-chip and smiled, gently shaking my juice box - a ritual that I'd had all my life and that would last a whole minute before I opened it.

"Cleaning wipes? Gosh. Isn't that just the best idea ever." My sarcasm could've been malleable. It wasn't directed toward Kris, though.

"I mean, jeeze. If only I had a little package of cloth that was already treated specifically for my particular needs! I mean, I am almost sure I had one or two at home. Maybe a whole pack. Or six. Or twelve. But I didn't bring them. I mean, why would I need them here, in the woods? That or my dad didn't let me bring them..." I gave Kris a little smile to let him know I wasn't mad or anything, then sighed.

"Life's a lot harder without them..."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply anything. Your Dad's sounds like a bit of a jerk." The straw went into my juice box and I took a sip, thoughtfully.

"Mine's a bit of a jerk, too. Clearly the solution is to run off together, get a nice apartment where everything is kept cleaner than a hospital, and not allow jerkish fathers to interfere with our lives."

I opened my mouth to respond, but I wasn't exactly sure how. He was doing that thing he did. Saying situations that were not actually going to happen. Right? Right. Okay. It was another minute before I got any words out.

"I.. he's just... him. I mean. I get it. It's not like I enjoy being this way. I just can't stop. And maybe he's right. I mean, I'm talking now, right? Baby steps..."

"Yeah, but you're not talking because you were forced into it by a shitty situation. You're talking because someone actually reached out to you, treated you like any other guy, and made you feel comfortable." There was a bit of logic there, I was sure. Maybe it was possible to scare someone like Sidney out of his idiosyncrasies, but it just seemed cruel and shitty to me.

"I dunno. I've always thought people are people. We're all different and that's cool. You have your quirks, but you gotta think about the positives. Attention to detail is a huge one, I mean, who else is ever going to have a work ethic as good as yours? And persistence, and patience. Not to mention you probably have the world’s best hygiene. Those are all really good qualities. I know it can suck sometimes, but so can anything."

"Yeah, maybe..." I looked away from Kris and the food on the table, out the window at the lack of shadows. You could hear splashing at the lake, even though you couldn't see it from our window.

"I just wish sometimes I wasn't like this, either. Wish I could swim. Or play outside. Or something. But every time I try to overcome all this, it doesn't work. I just..." I shook my head. Bad idea. Don't go into that.

"What about swimming in a chlorinated pool? Would that be okay? I mean, not a public pool obviously. But like a backyard pool? If that's okay, then our place we run off to should definitely have a pool." I smirked, trying to lighten the tone. That was me - Kris, the guy who liked to make people smile. It didn't always work, but I had a pretty decent track record.

"Not good with water. Almost sure I can't swim, anyway." I didn't look back up from the table. I'd lost my appetite. "It's ironic, with how many showers I take and how much I wash my hands. But pools. Even bath tubs. They don't make sense to me. Water is supposed to get you clean, you know? That doesn't get you clean. Just mixes all the dirt around."

"What about the waterfall up by the little lake we found? That water is continuously flowing." It was dirty, though, and I understood where he was coming from. Well, from his point of view.

"Come on, don't be down on yourself. Eat up. I'm going to teach you a new card game today." It probably wasn't much to look forward to, but I'd hoped the optimistic tone in my voice was enough to spark some interest.

Cards were nice. Apparently there was a lot of different ways to play poker, which all conveniently used the same hierarchy of card combinations. And for dinner Kris picked us up some more snack food. We couldn't live like that forever, granted - we'd need real food in the morning - but it was nice to stay inside for one day.

"I think I'll wash your blanket tomorrow. And mine. And the sheets." And my clothes. And maybe scrub the floors. I was starting to feel uncomfortable in the dirty cabin. I was surprised it took that long.

"You do what you need to do to feel comfortable. I don't mind helping out washing stuff, by the way. I mean, my hands would get just as clean as everything else. I don't know all the finer points of this, though, so if I'm overstepping things you just let me know." I'd taught him Manila poker today. And he already knew Seven Card Stud. Maybe we'd do Five Card Draw next. He was really picking up well on things, too.

I slipped my head onto my pillow, pushing my bangs out of the way. Like the night before, Kris' arm went over my hip. I felt my body heat up beneath the blanket. The lights of the candles flickered toward me in response to my silence. Even in the warm night, I still didn't want to be far from him.

"I like this. Laying with you, I mean. Thanks for letting me." I knew how much it meant to have someone touching Sidney at all, even if it was just over a blanket. How it must feel for him to crave human contact. It was going to be a long time here, but with someone to look out for and a warm body to sleep next to in bed, it wasn't so bad. And I'm sure it would make my dad’s blood absolutely boil.

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[Baby Billy]

Really nice chapter, thanks for keeping this going. I don't think you mentioned the age of the boys but Sidney has to be shorter than Kris by your comment with Sidney on the chair and Kris would not need it, ( I pick up little details like that).  Kris has experience working will younger kids already explains why he is so protective of Sidney,  I think Kris has a stupid father, who would send a gay kid that is an alpha male in a relationship to a all male camp.  Kris is well built and can defend himself and would maybe look down on the others.  As I said my feelings have Kris at least a foot taller than Sidney and wanting to treat him like a younger brother with no sexual feelings involved. LOVE THIS?. I think this may be a high school age camp age 14 to 17 and Sidney is in the younger side and Kris around 17? Definitely New York city tough, 

[Baby Billy]

I know when you started this story you made it clear that it was not a diaper story and I feel sorry that people may have decided not to read it because of that. It seems two of us are used to your style and followed this, I feel sorry for those that dismissed this because it is such a well told tale of a special relation between 2 people.  One question is Pudding helping on this, I get a feeling of her presence in Sidney and love his role.  He reminds me of the TV character Monk if anyone has seen that show.  The others don't know what they are missing.?

[Wannatripbaby]

I agree with Billy. It's a shame so many people are passing up this story because No Diapers. Same with your story Anna (Ana?) That was honestly one of your best stories in my opinion. ?

[Sophie ♥]

21 hours ago, Baby Billy said:

I think this may be a high school age camp age 14 to 17 and Sidney is in the younger side and Kris around 17? Definitely New York city tough, 

I believe Kris is 17 and Sidney is 16?  Though I'm not 100% sure now that I think about it. >_<

20 hours ago, Baby Billy said:

One question is Pudding helping on this, I get a feeling of her presence in Sidney and love his role. 

YEP!  Actually she wrote Kris and I wrote Sidney.  Sidney is one of my favorite characters to write.  Trying to convey someone's emotions and thoughts and things without actually speaking most of the time was a fun writing challenge.

10 hours ago, Wannatripbaby said:

I agree with Billy. It's a shame so many people are passing up this story because No Diapers. Same with your story Anna (Ana?) That was honestly one of your best stories in my opinion. ?

THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH FOR THIS KINDNESS! >//<  I honestly love this story so much and I didn't want it to sit in a folder on my laptop.  So even though the response isn't as high as our other works, I'm glad I'm sharing it nonetheless.

[Baby Billy]

First point I knew Pudding was here, I have all the Caribbean works ( loved Lottie the beat and Velvet second.)

Second point this is your and Puddings story so you have to know how old Sidney is you can't say I guess.  I put Kris at 17 and Sidney at the end of 15.  

[Baby Billy]

As I said before it really is a shame there are not more people reading this.  Your work on this site is great, I follow you on another which you post more about diapers and while Kimmy is doll that is not my cup of tea.  I love how you work to develop relations between your characters in a story,  Some may have diapers involved but they are not the main idea,  Please keep writing the way you are you make some who enjoy a good well written tale happy.  And for those who only want one small part I feel sorry because they miss some very well told tales.  Any one that wants a great tale of bonding between two people read Lottie it is great.   

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter 11

Nothing changed that week. I taught Kris a little bit about cleaning clothes, and I kind of needed his help when it came to washing the blankets. I had a system back home but it wasn't something I could do here without dragging the fabric on the ground. I scrubbed the cabin top to bottom three times, ceiling included, and Kris watched with a mix of curiosity and worry. I hadn't planned on doing any of it, but as the days passed I grew more and more anxious about the cleanliness of my surroundings. And Kris seemed pleasant about it. It was only after a rainy day in our second week and I'd spend nearly eight hours scrubbing that my hands started to bleed and Kris took away my brush.

"Shit..." I couldn't wash up. Couldn't go out in the rain. Felt sick. Felt dizzy...

"Hey, come on..." I smiled at the boy and gently set the brush down on one of the towels he'd laid out on a chair, and watched as he began to breathe a little heavier.

"What's up, Sidney? Come on now, you can tell me." He'd been on edge since it had started to rain and I watched as he began to tug at his fingers, wincing every time he did. So I did something I knew I shouldn't have. I took each of his hands in one of mine and knelt down in front of him, looking him in the eyes - something I'd learned had a small calming effect on the boy - and spoke very clearly.

"Sidney. Breathe with me, okay?" He hadn't yanked his hands away immediately, which was a good sign - but maybe it was only because they were already dirty. Or he hadn't noticed - he tended to get transfixed in my eyes.

I whimpered softly as Kris took my hands. I knew they were there because of how badly they ached. I felt so sick. I knew I was breathing too heavily. I knew this wasn't good. I hated the rain. I hated what it could do. And in a cabin like this, one leak? I couldn't.

"Just... just need to wash up..."

"What if I go out? I can go to the kitchen tent, get a big bucket or something, maybe a pot? I'll make it clean, I know how you like it. And then I'll fill it with water and detergent, and then put a lid on it and bring it back here?" I knew it wasn't much to offer, I knew he liked things to be one particular way; but with the rain I couldn't think of any better way to handle it.

"Then we'll get you clean, I can help if you want, and then we can lay down on our bed” —our bed had become vernacular this week— “and that way we'll be safe. And clean. Okay? Does that sound okay, Sidney?"

I nodded slowly, looking up at the ceiling. I was trembling. I couldn't stop. Kris climbed up and let go of my hands. I did my best not to look down at them. I knew they were bleeding. I knew that would bother me. I closed my eyes tight. I could do this. Just patience. Wished I had my wipes. Wished I had my sink. My room. My place...

I was out of the cabin as quick as I could manage, running through the torrential rain, kicking up mud on my jeans. I knew the mud would be an issue; but I'd cross that when I got to it. It took only a minute to reach the kitchen tent and I stopped for just a second to catch my breath before opening cupboards in the stainless steel cabinets. Everything was portable, on wheels; and in the off season all this stuff would go into storage. Thankfully, it wasn't the off-season. I picked out the biggest steel pot I could find, and set it up on the counter, grabbing the high-presser hose and pressing the handle to blast steaming hot water into the pot. My other hand found the detergent, and I got the metal sparkling clean; though minutes seemed like hours. I knew he was in the cabin alone. I knew he wasn't coping. I filled the pot, squirted in a liberal amount of pine-scented detergent, then found the lid and held it sealed in place with both hands. The walk back to the cabin would be slower than the run from it, owing to the two galloon pot; but I figured I'd get back, set the pot on the table, strip out of my muddy clothes and then help Sidney get cleaned up. He'd be okay, then.

Kris dragged mud and rain water in with him and I recoiled at the sight. He put the pot of water down on the table and started getting out of his jeans. I fumbled for the brush on the table, still quivering, and hurrying over to the place where Kris had tracked in muddy footprints. Just get that little bit cleaned up. Could take care of that. Just a bit of dirt…

I stripped out of my jeans and tucked them close to the door as I could get them, and then took the cleaning brush from the boy with a stern look and a kind smile.

"The pot of water. Get a wash cloth from your bag and start getting yourself clean. The table is clean, so you can sit there." I knelt down, clad only in my wet clinging top and my underwear, and began to scrub away the mud I'd left in the entrance to the cabin. He stood, transfixed, and I smiled.

"Go on, or else I'll have to strip you down and clean you myself."

I bit my lip and looked away from Kris with color in my cheeks. That had never stopped. I wasn't sure it ever would, but he never seemed to notice. Maybe I wasn't blushing. Maybe I was just imagining it. I went over to the table and dipped my hands in the water. I didn't like pools. I didn't like pots. I didn't like lakes or anything. I liked running water. But I didn't have a choice in this instance. I rubbed my hands together in the hot water, wincing at the burning feeling.

"Get a wash cloth. Put it in the water, use it to clean your skin, then wring it over one of your towels, that way you avoid getting too much dirt back in the water." I didn't mean to come across like a know-it-all, and it wasn't like I knew better or anything. It was actually just something I'd heard from Sidney himself earlier in the week when we were discussing the European obsession with baths.

I wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea, but it was better than this. I used one of my rags to wash my hands and my wrists, then my lower arms up until my t-shirt. I was still dizzy. Still anxious. Still breathing heavily. That couldn't be helped, though. I wasn't sure when Kris joined me. I gave him a cloth as well, his hands still dripping with rain water.

"Clean, please..."

I began to clean my hands the way that Sidney had showed me; the aim, he'd said, was to take off the top layer or two of skin so that the skin left behind would be entirely clean. It's why his hands were always so red and raw after he'd cleaned them, and it was something he was very set on. So I cleaned, scrubbing away at my skin until there was no trace on my hands that I'd been outside. He was still working on his own body and I wrung out the cloth onto the towel.

"How can I help?"

I didn't know. I knew I was going overboard. I was just stressed, though. I knew the rain stressed me. Kris had managed to clean his hands and wrists and arms just as well as I'd cleaned mine, and his were much less red and much quicker done. I knew it wasn't smart. I knew my hands were fragile right now. Couldn't stop shaking.

"I'm done..." But I kept going...

"Sidney." I touched his hands again for the second time today and once again he looked into my eyes.

"I'm going to get your clothes off, and then I want you to lay down in bed, okay? I'll take care of the rest of this." I nodded to the pot, and the towel, and my discarded pants.

"Sheets and blanket and pillow are safe, remember?" Undressing him wasn't really something that would have been my first choice, but I knew if I let him touch the fabric of his clothes, he'd start wanting to clean his hands again and they were tender and puffy in my grasp, bleeding in places I made sure not to touch.

I nodded very slowly, still trembling. I felt awful. I knew my clothes were fine. Probably. Close to fine. Good. Didn't know. Maybe not. New clothes, maybe. Blanket was okay. Hands were okay. Clothes maybe not. Okay. Okay. Kris' hands were clean, which made me happy. I knew he could touch me. I had never had someone willing to clean their hands like that before. I'd never had anyone able to touch me.

I helped him to his feet and lifted his top up over his body - his skin was pale and porcelain; the product of a life locked up indoors whenever possible. I tugged his pants down next, leaving him in his underwear - though I made sure not to make a big deal of it.

"Bed's safe, remember? Your sheets, your blanket, your pillow. I'll be there to lay with you in a bit, I'm just going to get this cleaned up." I'd touched his clothes, and I didn't know if he'd want me to touch him again after that so I was careful.

My trunk was closed. I always kept it closed. Kept things safe. So Kris opened it for me. I grabbed a shirt out from the top and slipped it over my head. I hadn't worn this one yet. This one was fine. Safe inside and out. My fingers burned on the fabric. It came just past the waistband of my boxers. I climbed into bed without my pants or socks or jacket or gloves. I didn't like to sleep so exposed. I pulled the blanket over me and put my head on the pillow, watching Kris clean up, tiding his own body as he went.

It was a surreal experience for me, sharing a space with Sidney. Back home, I'd have been content to pick up my dirty clothes and be done with it. But here, now? I wrapped my muddy jeans up in one of my towels, and slipped out of my rain-wet t-shirt, gently placing the bundle in a little pile out of sight, beside the dresser - it was somewhere we'd decided that laundry could go temporarily, because it was out of sight of the bed. I cleaned the place where my jeans had been, where the towel had been, and then finally every bit of exposed skin. It was an exhausting process, and I realized just how tiring it must be to be Sidney. I finally slipped into a clean pair of pajamas from my case and took a breath, looking over at Sidney with a smile.

"Feeling any better?"

I nodded just a little. I still didn't like the sound of the rain outside, but rain only falls downwards and I had an entire bed above me. Realistically, it was probably the safest I'd ever be in the rain. I'd stopped shaking, too, though my hands still hurt. Kris intentionally chose long pajama pants, clean pajama pants, pajama pants I'd washed, and a t-shirt to sleep in. He was probably almost safe. Almost. His hair would be bad, though he'd washed his face, too. I wasn't sure how much I trusted the water, though. It was bound to be dirty by now.

The rain pattered down on the roof and I sat down on the edge of the bed, smiling as I put my hand on Sidneys hip over the blanket.

"Anything I can do to make you feel safer? I know I went out in the rain tonight, so if you want I can sleep on the top bunk?" Rain was an uneasy topic. It'd been broached only once and it was a brief flirting with the concept before he stiffened up and changed the subject. Today's storm was something that had definitely made him uneasy, and when he was uneasy he cleaned. There was no cleaning left to be done, though.

"No, you're... you're fine." He was, too. He was something. I had trouble even talking to myself on rainy nights, even in my room. I had to get a canopy just in case. But here I was, in this cabin, talking to Kris. I still felt safe with him, even in the rain. It was like something out of a children's book. I reached out of the covers and put my hand on his. He was clean. I knew he was clean.

It was the first time he'd even taken the initiative to touch me and it brought the same sort of smile to my face that I got that first day he'd spoken to me.

"I still say you're charming, Sidney." I grinned, thinking about the ordeal that today had been. And yet, I didn't mind. It was nice to know I could make a difference; make him feel less shitty about himself. And why should he have to, anyway?

The candles had been lit all day and I watched the little flames by the bedside. It was quiet for a long time. Maybe Kris had fallen asleep. I was better, now. Mostly, so. The sound of the rain still bothered me, but Kris' breathing helped. I kept my hand on his. He really was something. I rolled over, facing away from the candles and toward the dark corner of the bed. His eyes were closed.

"You should sleep, you know." My eyes stayed closed the way they always did when I spoke in bed and I made no indication of how long I'd been awake - though in reality it had only been his movement that had roused me. His breathing had settled, and he wasn't trembling anymore. I opened my eyes and looked into his with a small smile. He was definitely blushing.

"I like it when you blush. It's like a smile, only you can't fake it. It's very honest."

I opened my mouth to protest. Trick of the light. Candles. Flickering. Excuse. Come on, there's a million. But I panicked. I turned to roll back over, away from Kris again, away from his smile, but he caught me by the shoulder, over my shirt, and kept me facing him. I looked away. What else could I do? Oh! I closed my eyes. Sleep. Fall asleep!

It was a desperate need of mine to not have things be awkward, so I let it go for now. I smiled, and I put my arm over his hip the way I always did. And though he closed his eyes, his cheeks still burned.

-------------

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[Baby Billy]

Nice chapter, seems like others have decided it's not worth it to mess with Kris and he wont let Sidney go by himself out they should be safe.  Just so sweet how Kris wants to take care of Sidney and protect him from everything.?

[Wannatripbaby]

This story is so stressful! Even when there isn't any real danger! ?

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter 12

I didn’t freak out when I woke up, even when Kris woke me up himself. After that night, though, he was careful to wash his hands before bed and we'd always have an emergency bucket of clean water in the cabin. It was smart, really. I didn't leave the cabin the next day, though Kris did. I didn't mind - he wasn't my lifeline. But I couldn't go outside with the ground as wet as it was, with the leaves on the trees still dripping. I just couldn't. So it was a lot like the rainy day, though I didn't clean and I wasn't anxious.

It was a difficult thing to leave Sidney alone; especially after yesterday, but he assured me he'd be fine. He had books he was behind on reading, anyway - he'd brought ten books with him, enough to last out the summer at a reasonable pace. So I brought him back some snacks from the breakfast tent - though I met him at the door and didn't come back inside - and then went on my way to explore. I wanted him to go outdoors more, wanted him to see some pretty things.

And I wanted for us to have a sort of sanctuary where he could talk outdoors, too. That meant a good distance from the camp, a clearing where he could see everything, rocks or logs to sit on (though we'd bring something to put on them anyway) and no tree cover so things couldn't fall on him. Woodland area like this, how hard could it be? I resolved to bring back some berries, too, figuring that if I immersed them in water for a few hours he might be inclined to try them. Still, as I wandered the woods, I missed him.

I wasn't sure if this is what my parents intended when they sent me away to camp. All I did was sit in the cabin all day, which was now as clean as my bedroom, and play cards or read. Still, I didn't mind it. I expected this trip would suck a lot more than it had so far. And still, only 79 days to go. I could make it through this. Kris didn't come back until very late in the evening. His hair was wet and I looked out the window for signs of rain. None. His clothes were dry, though.

Sidney watched me as I came into the cabin, and I put a little clear Tupperware container that I'd liberated from the kitchen and was now full of berries, down on the table.

"I picked those for you," I motioned with my head and smiled, proudly. I was about 60% certain he wouldn't eat them, but it was worth a try. "I took them to the kitchen and washed them in hot water, then chilled them in cold water so they should be sterile and hopefully still tasty. If you don't like them, that's okay, you don't have to have them." 'Don't like them' was an easy way for him to tell me he wasn't comfortable eating them, and that was fine.

"I also showered really thoroughly, and washed my hair so that I wouldn't freak you out when I got back. You know, on account of being out in the woods all day. How was your day?"

"Fine..." I looked from Kris’s hair to the tub of berries, to his eyes, and then down to the book I was reading. He wouldn't notice my blush this time - last night was a fluke. Trick of the candles. I'd agreed on that in my head and, for some reason, I felt he agreed on it too. "That's really... nice... doing all that... for me..."

"There's that honest smile again." I gently slipped off my shoes and tucked them to one side of the doorway, the way he liked them. The floor of the old wood cabin was actually wonderfully clean and felt good to walk on with bare feet - a truly amazing accomplishment. I decided to spare him the discomfort of explaining away his blush, though, and I nodded to his book. "What are you reading today?"

Okay. Seriously. I needed to stop that. He's just nice. Nice people are nice people. And just because he's gay doesn't mean he likes me. And seriously. SERIOUSLY. Stop. Blushing. So. Damn. Much.

"Um... just a book of short stories..." I flashed the title, The Vintage Book of Contemporary Short Stories. "Never really have the patience for long stories."

"That's cool. There's a few books I love that I think you'd like. I have copies back home, but they won't be good for you, so I decided today that I'll buy them for you when I get home. On Amazon, or something. Get them shipped to you, brand new." I picked up the little container of berries and offered them.

"Berry? They're really cold right now from the chilled water, and that's when they're best. They also won't stain your fingers, either, which is pretty cool." And probably a hugely important consideration.

He'd gone through a lot of work, and if he'd really done everything he said, I wasn't sure why they wouldn't be fine. So I took a berry in my hands with a little hesitant smile and popped it in my mouth.

"That's... pretty good, actually." I took a second and followed routine. I loved routine.

"I love fresh berries. My Dad grows them in our yard, blueberries and blackberries and raspberries. He used to grow cherries, too, but our cherry tree died. I guess that's life, though; you live while you can and enjoy the fruits of your labors, and then one day it's all over." It was pretty philosophical of me and that was a little out of character. Then again, I did talk a lot.

"I'm glad you like them, though. Anyway, I found a place today. A clearing. About a half mile out, so no one will bug us. Open clearing, no tree-cover. A few big rocks to sit on." Rocks were better; they weren't full of bugs.

"Figured if you wanna come out when it’s dry, maybe we could hang out there sometimes. See if we can make it a safe place."

I bit my lip and looked out the window. I'd lit the candles before Kris had come back, though the sun was still setting. I supposed I was just being prepared. I closed the book and put it back in my chest, which I'd recently scrubbed so clean I could see myself in the faded brass. Then I sat back down on the edge of the bed and ate berries.

"I guess. I mean. It probably won't work, but... you know. Maybe."

"Well, I figure we can make this a learning experience. Figure out what criteria it takes for you to feel safe and how long, so that maybe we can spread your safety zone a little more." I reached in and took a berry from the top, careful not to touch any of the others.

"I mean, we'll have to do that when we move in together, right?" There was a playful expression on my face as I sat down next to the boy on the bed and smiled. He was never quite sure when to take me seriously, and I liked keeping him off-guard like that.

"Uh huh..." Those berries lasted another two days. It wasn't until after they were gone that I relented to check out the new place. Kris and I had started to eat out in the tent again after the rain cleared up, but other than that had stayed pretty exclusive to our cabin.

"You sure this is a good idea? Looks... dark..." Not specifically dark, but certainly not far off from rain. What the hell kind of week was this turning out to be?

"It'll be okay. If it starts to smell like rain, we'll come back straight away, alright?" It would have been nicer to have been able to offer up an umbrella, but we'd work with what we had.

"What's with you and rain, anyway? I mean, I get that the mud sucks and all that, but rainwater when its falling is pretty clean, right?" As far as I knew of clean, anyway. I mean, people drank rainwater in tanks.

I shook my head, looking up at the clouds as we journeyed through the woods. His hand held mine, leading me step by step as I watched the sky. It was nice not to be afraid of him, knowing how regularly he'd wash his hands. He'd never even think to touch me until he had. It meant less worrying for me.

"Not really. It has all the bacteria from the lakes and rivers and atmosphere."

"Oh, I didn't think of that." Being his friend certainly was educational. And it was nice holding his hand, too; it would have had the other guys have a freaking field day, given that they already thought we were involved with one-another, but it was nice enough to risk. Plus I knew it was really great for Sidney to be able to hold someone’s hand at all.

"This is nice. Touching you, I mean. I feel like I'm part of a very exclusive club."

I nodded in agreement and followed behind Kris with my lip between my teeth. I liked holding his hand, too, for sure. But right now it was more of an actual necessity. With my eyes on the clouds I wasn't very aware of where my feet were stepping. I usually watched my feet when I walked. It would rain tonight... but that was a ways off, hopefully. Still, I felt the tightness in my chest.

"We won't stay out late. Just a little bit, and when you decide it's time to go back, we'll go back. So that way you don't have to fret too much about the rain, okay?" He nodded lightly, but his hand was squeezing mine tight and I could tell that he was still stressed. How shitty it must be to always be so wound up with stress.

"You know, holding my hand like this is a big step. One day you might even be able to trust someone enough to kiss them, at this rate."

I shook my head very suddenly and very assured. Hands could get clean. Mouths couldn't. I had no intention to ever kiss anyone, and it would be a miracle to ever find someone who would even want to kiss me. Still, I felt my cheeks add a little bit of color to the grey day as I followed Kris into a clearing. It really was something, though. Very tidy, though the grass was nearly to my ankles.

"So, maybe this can be our hang out?" I smiled and motioned to the gathering of large rocks toward the center, and then lead the way there.

"I brought some clean towels to put down on the rocks, if you're uneasy about them. I figured rocks are better than logs, though, right?" The topic of kissing had definitely made the boy skittish and I resolved not to raise it again. Not for a while, anyway. I also knew it would be a while, if ever, before he could talk here. And with the rain clouds above it was likely that it wouldn't happen today.

The towels found their place on the rocks and I took a seat. I was relaxed. Not perfect. Still a lot of margin for error. But there were no trees above us. The woods were very bright, even in the dim day, and very secluded. The whole place, really, was... very nice. But no talking. I shrugged my shoulders and sat quietly, looking over at Kris with an apologetic smile.

"It's alright, you can't rush these things." It had been a little while since I'd had to talk for two, but it was something I slipped easily back into.

"So you know, I like you a lot, Sidney. I'm probably closer to you than I have been to any of my friends back home. I dunno why. Maybe it's because you let me in, let me reach out to you." He nodded quietly, but didn't say a word, his eyes occasionally glancing back to the rainclouds above.

"I dunno what to do about when we get done here. I really don't want to be a four hour drive away. I like you. I like who I am when I'm around you." Too mushy? Maybe too mushy.

I opened my mouth, maybe to say some words of encouragement, but nothing came out. I hated not talking. I was spoiled now. I bit my lip and looked down at my lap. He liked who he was around me? What a gay thing to say, too. If I hadn't known before, I'd certainly know now.

"You know I told you about what happened with my Dad, right? He didn't like that my best friend and I shared a bed when he stayed over; pitched a fit and threw my lamp at the wall, screamed at us both, said it wasn't right. Sent me off here. Kinda crappy, but it's whatever." I smiled and looked up at the clouds along with Sidney, then smiled back down at him.

I nodded in agreement. I had a lot more to say on the subject. Damn, I really was spoiled! I wanted to say that I didn't care. About his... whatever it was. It was fine. He was fine. I liked him. I looked around the field and tried to figure out if there was anything I could fix. Anything that could make this place better. I had nothing, though. Maybe if I could take a scrub brush to the grass...

For a time I stayed quiet and watched as the boy assessed his surroundings with a slight look of frustration behind his eyes. I smiled.

"You can put your head on my lap if you want. Lay down, breath a little and see if anything helps, alright?" Realistically, he probably wouldn't. Putting his head on anything but his own pillow was exceedingly rare, and though I washed my clothes to the same standards as his, we had been outside for an hour now. He knew I wouldn't take offense if he refused.

I bit my lip and shook my head, looking back out at the trees. I was curious to try, but I didn't even like touching my own clothes. Maybe if we were inside, but certainly not out here. The time ticked by, the sun finding solace behind one of the darker clouds. A big cloud, too. I hated anticipation...

"Wanna head back? We can get into some clean clothes and cuddle in bed for a bit, if you want." It was one of his favorite activities as of late, and I guess going seven years without any physical contact would lead to a person feeling that way. It's okay. I enjoyed it, too. I was proud of him for staying out as long as he had, to be honest, and the smell of rain hadn't started yet so I was confident we'd make it back before the drops started.

I nodded my head and Kris gathered up the towels. He was careful only to touch the clean sides in particular places, wrapping one around another. He was so careful. He must really like touching me. But he didn't like me like that, right? Coincidence. I followed him back through the woods, unable to hold his hand while he carried the towels. I watched my feet.

"You know, apart from the jerks," who had actually been pretty well behaved lately, "this place is pretty nice. Well, the jerks and the dirt, right?" I smiled understandingly and he nodded softly, not looking up from his feet.

"We'll come back out here again when it's not at risk of raining. I bet you'll be less stressed if that's the case. And maybe we'll pack a picnic lunch or something." It was nice to make plans, to actually have someone who enjoyed spending time with me without an ulterior motive.

-------------

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[Wannatripbaby]

Dawwwww we I have never been so emotionally invested in a male/male romance in my life! ?

Also those storm clouds feel like a foreboding omen of what is to come... Why do I feel like this is the last calm/happy chapter we'll see for a while? ?

[Sophie ♥]

26 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Dawwwww we I have never been so emotionally invested in a male/male romance in my life! ?

 

RIGHT?!  We need to write more cute boy characters like this.

And yes, the storm clouds are not only literal. ^_~

[Baby Billy]

That was nice, I hope Kris doesn't push to hard, Sidney doesn't need a relationship he needs a true friend.?

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter 13

The rain didn't start even once we were in the cabin. I wasn't happy about it, though. I watched out the window while I slid my boots off by the front door. No rain. Not yet. Hate rain. Jesus, why couldn't I have normal fears. Like what, heights? I had that one too.

"We won't be getting dinner tonight..." The tents would close up if the rain started.

"Want me to go nab some snacks?" The other boys probably had the same idea, but there was always plenty to go around.

"Chips and salsa isn't the most glamorous dinner in the world, but it beats starving, right? I can go get some, then we can clean together, get changed into fresh pajamas and eat dinner. Maybe play cards, or something?" If it weren't for the stress issues... and the jerks... I could have seen myself living here. It was nice. No exterior stressors. And I'd actually gotten pretty good into the routine of staying clean for Sidney.

"Yeah, alright." I didn't look away from the window, though. I had changed into my pajamas by the time Kris rejoined me, salsa and chips in each hand. I wasn't big on pajamas - they always felt too thin. But I'd cleaned the cabin the day before and even walking around barefoot felt okay. Maybe I was getting over things here.

I set the food down on the table and smiled, pouring half the salsa out onto a paper plate for me. Even the remote thought of double dipping made Sidney nauseous and I could understand that one.

"So. The distance thing. Four hours drive is way too far away. What are we going to do about that?" It was still over two months until we went home, but it was a stress at the forefront of my mind pretty prominently and I found myself really quite concerned.

"So the apartment comment wasn't serious?” I flashed a little smile, though the playfulness had trouble reaching my voice. I shouldn't have been so nervous, but days like this were pretty common. Anticipatory fear was nearly as bad as the fear itself.

"Who's to say it wasn't?" The smile I backed that with didn't dilute the sincerity, though. If it were ever something we could figure out the logistics of, I'd be completely behind the idea.

"I mean, we'd get a one bedroom or a studio, and we'd have to share a bed." He smiled a little and I continued. "But yeah, for sure, I'd live with you."

"I never thought I'd ever move out of my parent's house, you know. I mean, it's not like I can get a job. What would I do?" I sighed and left the window alone, starting in on dip and salsa instead. I still couldn't shake the feeling I had, though. Anticipation. I hated anticipation. I closed my eyes and tried to think of something else, maybe the food I was eating, but everything fell flat.

"That's not true; we talked about work stuff before, remember? Plenty of jobs for a boy who doesn't much like to talk, plus there's lots of places where you can work from home. On a computer, you know? My friend Kail does that; he runs an eBay store and does all the stock processing from an offshore supplier to his customers.  He never has to deal with anyone in person and he makes a lot of money." It was impressive by adult standards, but Kail was only our age which made it doubly so. I'd hoped to give Sidney some hope, but I also hoped to distract him from his current worries.

"Thinking about the rain?"

"Yup." Kris sighed inwardly and I decided to explain so I sounded a little less crazy. Then again, it might not help my cause at all.

"I get in these... moods. I see something bad coming. Like rainclouds. And I... can't stop thinking about it. And I don't really know how to stop. Until they go away, I guess. And it's usually a lot worse than when it's actually raining. Anticipation."

"Well, you need a distraction. Right? Something to take your mind off the worst of it, if that's even possible. Wanna come lay down and cuddle? We can hold hands, too, if you’d like?"

"Uhhuh. Okay..." It was another few minutes before we packaged everything up again I finally pulled myself into bed. The sun was still up, but the clouds were overtaking. I decided to light my candles, pulling my blankets up to my neck. I'd be okay. Nothing bad would happen.

Like usual, I crawled gingerly over the boy and then cuddled up behind him - each in our own blankets - then slipped my hand over his waist. He wriggled his own hand out and took mine, and I began to talk softly.

"You know my Mom used to tell me how the rain was actually a shower for the world, pouring down and washing away the dirt, cleaning things and keeping them pristine and wonderful." It wouldn't help, really, but I was hoping just the fact of me talking would aide in distraction.

"Trees, rocks, buildings, mountains... the rain washes away the dirt, and then the water left behind goes back to the sky to repeat the process. I used to think about that when I'd shower as a kid, about the rain..."

"That's like masochism..." I felt his whole body laugh. I felt my cheeks take color, but I was facing away from him. I was determined to stay that way from now on when we laid together. Things were quiet for a while. Silent. No rain. No anything. The sun was still out, I was sure, behind the clouds, but it hid itself from us. And I wasn't sure when, but my eyes drifted shut and I fell into a dreamland.

-------------

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[Baby Billy]

I like Kris helping Sidney I just hope he keeps it little brother love.  I am not really sure anymore if I think that Kris is gay or just someone that shows he cares about people.

[Wannatripbaby]

I have decided to make today's comment in meme form. ?

[Sophie ♥]

^tHIS IS ART THANK YOU!!!

[Sophie ♥]

Chapter 14

We laid peacefully for a while, the candles flickering, the rain pattering on the roof. Calm. Serene. Sometime during the night I woke with a start though, the boy next to me shaking and convulsing, whimpering in his sleep - his eyes still clenched closed but in no state of rest. I sat up quickly and shook his body gently.

"Hey. Hey. Sidney. Wake up, wake up, come on, you're having a bad dream." He fretted fitfully and I rubbed my eyes, shaking him a little harder.

"Hey! Sidney. Hey. Come on, it's me, it's Kris. Wake up, come on, it's okay."

My transition from asleep to awake did anything but calm me. The rain pattered down on the roof above us, and it sounded so close. And I knew where I was, and I knew Kris was there, but I couldn't think clearly. I couldn't stop shaking. My fingertips scratched at my arms. Bugs crawled all over me. They weren't there. I couldn't see them. I could feel them, though, and I kept scratching. My restlessness blew out one of the candles on the bedside and I started to sob.

It was all so unexpected, but I acted as quickly and as rationally as I could manage; taking the boy’s hands in each of mine and holding them away. I didn't know what was going on, and I'd never had to deal with something like this before. He sobbed and that was enough for me to know that I had to keep him safe. I leaned against the wall, and I pulled his head into my lap - he was still wriggling and shivering, but with one hand I fought off his scratching and with the other I began to gently run fingers through his hair, the way my Mom used to when I had bad dreams.

"Hey... come on now, you're safe. This is safe. We're safe. In our little house inside the the bigger house, safe from the rain and the world outside."

I fought and cried and kicked and pulled and whimpered and thrashed and writhed and finally, after an eternity, gave up. I continued to tremble, but the attempts at removing myself from Kris' lap had gone away. I clung to him. I held onto his shirt with my hands.

"It's going to be okay, Sidney. I won't let anything hurt you. Ever. Just like those boys that tried, I'll keep you safe from everything." It was a promise I didn't know I could keep, but they were words I thought would help right now. He'd had a bad dream, he'd panicked, and he was finally starting to calm down though I was sure that was more from exhaustion than anything else.

I was humiliated. I really was. I finally slid off Kris's lap, putting my head back on my pillow with a little frown and blushing cheeks. I re-lit the candle and did my best not to let Kris see my face. I knew he was still worried, but I was just so... ugh. I couldn't believe I'd done that. Freaked out like that. It had been so long. And now he'd seen. And I... I just wanted to run. But it was raining. What could I do?

I left it a few minutes before I spoke, and when I did it was only once he'd let me take his hand again. I could feel his tension, and his awkwardness and fear.

"That was pretty intense, huh? Does that happen often?" I was careful to only use curious and caring tones, not condemning, not judgmental.

"I hope I did okay. I mean, I've never really been in a situation like that before. But if I didn't do well, I promise I'll do better next time." I paused for thought and then continued. "Are you okay, Sidney? Be honest."

I shook my head. I didn't talk, though. I could talk. Right? Of course I could. Or didn't I feel safe around him now? He'd only helped. I hated this. I hated myself. I hated everything. Just talk. Say something to him. It'll make you both so much happier.

"I... um..." My voice was barely mine. Tired. Strained. Broken. And I knew I sounded a lot closer to a ten year old. "Chest hurts... really bad... arms hurt... from the... scratching... dizzy..."

His voice was soft, weak and distant. But he was talking to me and that was a positive step.

"Put you head on my lap, I'm going to play with your hair and held you relax." He didn't move immediately, though, and I could see he was still trembling a little.

"This doesn't change anything - it doesn't make me think less of you, it's not something to be ashamed of. It happened and it sucks, but I'm not going to let it suck anymore than it needs to."

I wished Kris’s words would have helped me more than they did, but I reluctantly moved away from my pillow and put my head in his lap. It was so... surreal. So close to him. His fingers laced through my hair and, as promised, I started to calm down. The room was dark beyond the lantern and the two candles. No sun anymore. The rain still cascaded down on the roof.

"Just relax. You're safe here, with me, in our house, inside our bigger house; the rain is so far away. So far away. Everything is so far away. Just us here, us in our clean little house inside our clean bigger house." I didn't know if my metaphor for the bunk beds helped at all, but I ran with it in lieu of not having anything better to work with.

"You wanna tell me about your nightmare?"

"Don't... remember it. Usually like that... with those kinds of dreams..." I was still anxious. I was still unhappy. But this helped. A lot.

"I remember bugs... when I woke up... but there weren't... I don't know... just... scary..." A lot of things were scary to me, though. I still felt so stupid. Letting this happen. I knew better than to sleep when I was anxious.

"Let me see your arms?" Reluctantly, he raised his ams for me to see in the dim light and I took a breath, nodding my head. It was pretty bad and he'd only been doing it for a short period of time. There was raised strips of torn skin and each arm was completely red and raw, exuding heat like like a furnace. It was bad.

"I'm going to get that cleaned up in a little while, okay? I have some bandages in my first aide box, and they're still new in package. Will that be okay?"

I nodded my head. They stung. I hated this. I hated that this still happened.

"It's..." I shook my head, looking away. It wasn't worth telling him. I knew better. I know the kinds of things people thought, and while Kris had been quite a surprise so far, I wasn't willing to push it.

"You never have to tell me anything, but you know I'll listen and you know I'll care. So if you wanna finish that sentence, you're welcome to." I wished so hard for a reprieve in the rain, something to give Sidney a cue to relax a little more; his heart was still racing, and his words were still so strained and distant.

I opened my mouth only to close it again. I knew better. Of course I did. I sat up slowly in bed, looking across at the window. Rain tapped against the glass in an unnerving kind of way. I scooted to the edge of the bed while Kris got out. I looked my arms up and down. Not my worst. At least there was that. I guess it was a benefit having someone to sleep with...

"You'll tell me when you're ready." I smiled, not disappointed - just worried I couldn't help more. I motioned for Sidney to sit down on the chair by the table while I gingerly plucked my first aid kit out of my suitcase. It was something I had to fight to bring; Dad had told me that it was stupid and I'd be fine and nothing bad could happen, but I didn't like to leave things to chance. I set the kit down in the table and pulled out a few things - two bandages, in packages, a soothing burn cream, and an antiseptic powder.

"I'm going to put the antiseptic on first, and then I'm going to treat it with the burn cream; it'll cool your arms and stop them blistering. Then I'll bandage them. Is that okay?"

"Sure..." I didn't say anything else while Kris cleaned up my arms. They hurt pretty badly at first, but once all was said and done and the bandages were wrapped up each arm, they felt a lot better. I gave the best smile I could, looking down at my feet while Kris cleaned up and went to the bucket to wash his hands again.

"I did a first aid class in school." There was a little sense of pride behind my smile, as I washed my hands to Sidney's exacting standards. The bucket would need to be changed soon, but for now everything was okay. I stood up and took a deep breath, looking at the boy with his bandaged arms and then back at the bed. The rain was letting up a little, but not a lot, and I crossed the distance to stand in front of him, my hands glowing pink.

"Stuff happens, Sidney. I told you I'd take care of you and keep you safe, and I'm going to. Even if you have pretty intense nightmares sometimes." Truth of the matter was that I felt a little overwhelmed by what had happened, a bit in over my head. But I thought I'd done okay.

"It's not your job..." I rolled over in bed, facing the wall. I didn't mean to be catty, but... he shouldn't be this invested. He should really know better. I understand the coddling and the hand holding. I do. But after that, after something I should be over... it's too much for anyone. Certainly too much for me. I just wished he'd... forget it.

"Yeah, 'cause jobs suck. It's actually one of the requirements for a job, that you're not allowed to enjoy it. I like taking care of you, Sidney." I knew that it was probably wrong to enjoy it, especially given he very much didn’t, but it was true. It was something I got satisfaction from. Something I felt good at.

"You deserve a win. I know I'm not much in the grand scheme of things, but I like this. I like being clean for you, like being able to hold your hand, and cuddle you at night. I love that you can talk to me when you can't talk to anybody else. It makes me feel special, like I mean something to someone." That was the selfish side of things, though.

"Past that... I just wanna make things a bit easier for you. Life lumped you with a pair of twos, an eight, a queen and an ace. It's a shitty hand. And it's not fair."

"I'll get over it. Outgrow it or something." Though I'd been praying for that for seven years now. That it would just go away. That I'd be able to play outside again, or talk again, or enjoy the top bunk. I'd almost given up entirely on the idea, but I knew there was no point in it. No benefit in giving up. I just had to keep hoping.

"Maybe. Or maybe you'll find a friend who's genuinely interested in helping you push through it. You know, one of the two." I sat down on the edge of the bed and smiled; it was so hard to see him so depressed, but I figured by morning it would probably pass. He was ashamed, angry at himself for now, and I knew better to just leave things be for right now.

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[Baby Billy]

Kris seems so honest in his wanting to help Sidney I hope he doesn't get to deeply involved he can't let go. 

[Wannatripbaby]

15 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

I gingerly plucked my first aid kit out of my suitcase. It was something I had to fight to bring; Dad had told me that it was stupid and I'd be fine and nothing bad could happen

That's an odd stance for a parent to take when it comes to taking precautions. And an even weirder detail to throw in as the author. Unless... Did Kris's dad want him to be unprepared in a medical emergency? ?

Grammar Patrol

15 hours ago, Sophie ♥ said:

My transition from asleep to awake did anything but calm me.

*to