Finding a new home.

[elfowl]

I frown as soon as I find out that Tyler is only five and he's already taller than me.  I'm not sure whether to be happy or scared that he's excited to be going to the same class I am... though Kyle said that he was pre-K and that I would be in the littler class at daycare so maybe I wouldn't have to worry about it too much.

Though if I was going to be littler than pre-K, that could only really mean one thing:  Nursery.  I couldn't help but wonder if I would end up swaddled and in a diaper.  Laying in a crib and drifting in and out of sleep the whole time.  That strangely sounded appealing.  At least that way I could wallow in my depression, and get as much sleep as I wanted.  Which seemed to be all the sleep in the world since my parents died.

[jmg1217]

As they walked Kyle countinued “you won’t be in the big boy class with Ty you’ll be in the other class but the classes do things together and Ty asked if he could be your partner they partner big kids with babies he will get to do things like give you babas and tuck you in for naps and get to hold you sometimes so that will be nice won’t it baby”

they walk into the bright and cheerful daycare a lady walks over “well hello I’m Mrs. Kelly you must be Kyle and this must be your little one” 

a young boy bounced over he looked like Kyle but shorted “you’re here hi baby Taylor I’m uncle Ty” he tickled Taylor’s bare foot

[elfowl]

I feel more and more dejected as Kyle describes how the daycare lets the bigger kids take care of the kids in the nursery.  I hate imagining being treatted so little that a five year old has to help take care of me.

My spirits drop even further when Mrs. Kelly sees us, and starts talking to Kyle more than me, but if I can get her on my side maybe I can end this maddness.  "Hello Mrs. Kelly.  I'm Taylor,  I'm seventeen.  I don't belong here.  I don't know what lies Kyle has told you but I don't belong here."

I look with fascination as a boy who must be Ty runs up to us.  As soon as he tickles me bare foot, I giggle, and have to stop myself from kicking him in the face.  I climb up Kyle's shoulders to get away, and very firmly tell him.  "Don't tickle me.  I hate being tickled.

after I have a moment to calm down, I address the boy again.  "Hello Uncle Ty, it's very nice to meet you.  Sorry, like I said I hate being tickled."

[jmg1217]

Mrs kelly looked at Taylor and smiled “you are just the cutest little thing and I bet this is hard but I promise we will have so much fun here and don’t worry your daddy explained your umm special circumstances”

kyle pattedTaylors bottom and put him down “baby you go with Uncle Ty and be a good boy while the grownups talk”

[elfowl]

I look at Mrs. Kelly with surprise.  "Special circumstances?  He hasn't explained to me what my special circumstances are.  Please, let me know, what 'special circumstances'?  Because quite honestly I would really like to know what Lovecraftian form of madness has convinced everyone that someone who yesterday was just about to graduate high school suddenly has become an infant?"

I turn to Tyler "Excuse me for just a second Uncle Ty, but I need to get one thing cleared up, then I'll be happy to play with you."  I smile politely and not at him,  then give Kyle a short look of 'I'll do what you want me to as soon as this is cleared up' and then finally return my gaze to Mrs. Kelly expectantly.

[jmg1217]

Mrs. Kelly looked toward Kyle who bend down in front of Taylor and took hold of his chin “sweetheart enough of this little rant it is not acceptable behavior  now let me be clear before you were doing ok, I mean your grades were ok but you were always behind everyone else and you always needed looking after. When your other parents were around they made me promise to watch out for you and take care of you. Did you think it was an accident that I was just always around when your parents weren’t I’ve been babysitting you for years sweetheart now I’m just making it official  

[elfowl]

I stare Kyle deep in the eyes, with deep determination.  "So what?  You're my Daddy now.  My parents didn't trust me to be alone.  I'm not the most diligent student in the world.  None of that makes me not a teenager, none of that makes me not a highschooler.  You can beat me into calling you Daddy, and calling myself a baby, but that doesn't change who I am.  My parents asked you to watch out for me.  So that means treat me like a baby, because I'm short, and I've got a couple of anger issues?  When did that become justification for becoming a tyrant "for my own good"?

I turn to Mrs. Kelly.  "And that's good enough for you?  Just that?"  in a tone indicating 'Am I the crazy one here?'

I plan to drop the matter entirely if she agrees, but I want a straight answer from both her and Kyle.

[jmg1217]

Mrs Kelly looked to kyle before saying “there’s the thing it’s my job to look after children and I quite good at that, it’s not my job to make judgments on how parents raise thier children and Kyle is legally your parent, I have to assume that he knows and wants what’s best for his child and as far as I can tell he’s doing everything out of love” 

kyle stroked his boys cheek “of course I love my baby and I just know that he will be the happiest little boy in the whole world once he accepts his new life” 

[elfowl]

I'm frustrated, and starting to lose my composure.  "It's not your job to make judgments?!  So if somebody drags a crying fifteen year old in here dressed up in a onesie and with a pacifier in his mouth, who's obviously smart enough to be going to class, with a bottom still bright red from a fresh spanking, you'd put him in a crib and spank him every five minutes just because they told you to, and they're "doing everything out of love"?!

I step away from Kyle as he strokes my cheek, shooting him a glare.  "You want me to be happy?  How about treating me like my own age, and being a source of normalcy in my life after my fucking parents died, and threw my life into a blender, instead of dressing me up like a toddler, insisting that I call you Daddy, beating me when I don't, and then parading me around in front of our friends and teachers, so that I have absolutely no one who respects me anymore."

I feel tears of frustration and anger welling up in my eyes, as my voice becomes a shout.  "No.  You've got to insist that I'm a baby.  emotionally immature, developmentally unready.  This is as big as I'm going to get Daddy.  So what?  I'm just going to be a baby forever because I'm not tall enough for you?  Well I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I'm so short, I"m sorry that puberty didn't do what it was supposed to to me.  I'm sorry that I'm such a failure as a man and a human being. I can't fix this, and it's never going to be fixed.

I can't help myself now.  I'm crying and blubbering, tears streaming down my cheeks.  "Why did I have to lose everybody?  I was supposed to have Kyle.  Kyle was supposed to take care of me, but he's dead too isn't he?  I want Kyle.  Where's Kyle?  I don't want Daddy, he's just mean.  I want the Kyle I used to hang out with, the Kyle that I used to get in trouble with, the Kyle that helped me lie to my parents when I failed the history test.  Where's Kyle...?  ... I need Kyle?"

I start looking around, emotionally overwhelmed, tears streaming down my face.  I wander off towards what I assume is the nursery area, looking at cribs.  I'm just trying to find a place to collapse and cry myself out.

[jmg1217]

Kyle follows closely behind Taylor and when he collapses he gets in behind him pulling the little boys body toward him and rocking “it’s ok baby you can cry daddy’s here everything will be fibs baby boy just trust daddy let it out baby and let it go, daddy has you”

[elfowl]

I don't fight Kyle as he pulls me into his lap and rocks me, but between sobs, I quietly wail.  "Don't want Daddy.  ...Want Kyle.  ...Where's Kyle?  ...Need Kyle."

[jmg1217]

Kyle continued to rock and smooth the little boy “oh baby we’re the same, it’s me sweetheart I’m just your daddy now and it’s my job to take care of you, you are so precious to me baby and I love you so much. I’ll always take care of you and it doesn’t matter that you won’t get any bigger, you’ll be my baby forever and when your ready we can talk about you getting bigger but for now just relax and let daddy take care of you”

[elfowl]

I don't fight him at all, I just continue to mumble.  "You're not Kyle... don't want Daddy...  Need Kyle...  Want Kyle..."  slowly my eyes droop shut as my anger and saddness drain all of my energy out of me.  Though tears are still falling from my eyes, my breathing gets deeper, and my eyes droop further and further down.

[jmg1217]

Kyle drops a kiss on Taylor’s forehead “just rest baby just sleep now everything will look better when you wake” kyle waited for Taylor to drop off before he switched out with Tyler who was able to hold the boy only a bit less comfortably. He went to sign papers and talk to Mrs. Kelly the process took about 40 minutes 

[elfowl]

I sleep fitfully, but soundly through the process of signing papers, not waking for an hour and a half.  I occasionaly whimper, as if having a nightmare, but only cuddle into whoever's holding me, and then calm down.

[jmg1217]

Tyler holds the boy but as he sees Kyle and the teacher returning he strokes his hair “wake up baby Tay your daddy and Mrs. Kelly are coming back”

[elfowl]

I blink slowly, but then see a boy much younger, but a bit bigger than me holding me, and look around in confusion...  "What's going on?...  Where am I?"  everything slowly comes back to me, and I start crying again, and wrap my arms around Tyler.

[jmg1217]

Tyler looks alarmed but quickly recovers and tightens his hold on the little boy and resumes rocking “hey hey it’s ok baby Tay Uncle is here, I’ve always wanted a little brother a nephew is even better”

[elfowl]

I blubber a bit as I cling onto Tyler.  "I-I don' wanna be a l-little b-brother........ o-or a n-nephew!"  I cry into his chest

[jmg1217]

Tyler just smiles and using the logic of a 5 year old said “but you are a nephew baby Tay you can’t be anything else that’s just silly you are what you are”

[elfowl]

With no recourse left.  I just cry.  I can't argue with Taylor's logic.  I legally am his nephew, and there's nothing I can do about it.

[jmg1217]

Tyler just rocks the boy ln his arms until Kyle arrives and lifts Taylor into his hold kissing him “hey baby daddy just got everything set up. He cuddles Taylor “ can you show daddy your beautiful happy smile baby boy”

[elfowl]

I cling to Taylor as Kyle tries to take me from him, but quickly lose the fight.  I go limp as he kisses me, but the warmth and comfort of the cuddles make me warm up a little, and wrap my arms around Kyle, burying my face into his chest.  "No smile."  I mumble into his shirt, "...Don't want Daddy.  ... want Kyle.  ...wanna go home."

[jmg1217]

Mrs Kelly comes over “well tomorrow will be another day pumpkin, hopefully a happier one, there are just a couple more things”

Kyle nodded and bounced Taylor in his arms 

Mrs Kelly continued Taylor will be in the cubs class, we require all of our cubs to either wear diapers or pull ups based on the wishes of thier parents. If you go with pull ups he Taylor will be escorted to the potty room at regular intervals if he has an avowed will put him in a diaper going forward. Also as far as discipline goes we as a school use time out but we will use physical discipline if approved”

kyle thought for a moment well I grew up with gentle spanking and I plan to use it as the primary discipline tool at home but I think I’d be most comfortable if you let Tylor handle any spanking or the Such he is Baby Tays uncle after all. He can also be involved in all aspects of Taylor’s care.” Also I know my brother Brian who attends the middle school picks Tylor up from time to time so he will be dismissing Taylor as well. 

With that they said goodbye and left the building  

[elfowl]

I freeze up, clutching more tightly onto Kyle as Mrs. Kelly mentions diapers and pull ups.  I don't need them at all.  Surely Kyle won't make me wear a pull up, let alone a diaper.  Deep down though, some part of me knows I'm probably going to end up wearing a pull up, and it terrifies me.

I clutch Kyle even tighter, my knuckles going white as Mrs. Kelly mentions spanking.  and Kyle agrees to it, even making Tyler my designated spanker.  "No spanks!  no spanks!"  I mewl up at Kyle.  I don't trust a five year old to not spank me at full force, and with Tyler being big enough to pick me up, I don't trust him to not hurt me when he does, possibly quite badly.

My spirits fall even further as i hear that a middleschooler will be the one coming to pick me up most days.  Further cementing me as a baby, as if being disciplined by a five year old wasn't enough.

Tears start falling from my eyes again, soaking into Kyle shirt.  But then to my complete amazement, we actually leave.  and Kyle carries me out.  I look up at him with a look of complete bewilderment, tears still leaking from the corners of my eyes.  Surely we're not actually going home.  we can't be more than four or five hours into the school day, surely we have a few more classes to go to.