A.B.+D.L.=<3 (Interlude Pt 1/3 Posted 12/5)

[CDfm]

4 hours ago, RambleLamb said:

So, and I only ask because you have kids, not because it has any impact on anything, I just need to satiate my curiosity, did you find "the kiss" to be inappropriate?

No not at all. The only thing I wonder about is the sexual orientation at such a young age. At that age they don’t even know what sex is about so how can they know what their sexuality is? I know I had no idea at that age. 

[RambleLamb]

2 hours ago, CDfm said:

No not at all. The only thing I wonder about is the sexual orientation at such a young age. At that age they don’t even know what sex is about so how can they know what their sexuality is? I know I had no idea at that age. 

I don't think it's so much that in that moment, at that age, she knows she's gay, I think she's realizing that there's a sense of right in how she feels about Dawn.

She definitely doesn't know what gay or straight means at her age, but she's recounting this as an adult, and adult Alina is heckin' gay

[RambleLamb]

Part Two: The Kids Aren't Alright

 

Chapter Four: Down With The Sickness

 

"We all were lost now we are found

 

No one can stop us or slow us down

 

We are the named and we are known

 

We know that we'll never walk alone"

 

Thrice - "Image of the Invisible"

 

Mommy and I sat in the waiting area of the Pediatrician, her reading a magazine and me watching the television attached to the wall across the room. A cartoon I wasn't familiar with was playing and I read the closed captions to try and follow the antics of the cartoon animals with very little real interest.

 

This was a terrible way to spend a weekend, I wanted to be out playing or spending time with Mouse, but here I was in a doctors office, bored and antsy, my leg bouncing up and down rapidly as I looked around at the posters of animals with inspirational messages on them wondering if I could parlay this robbing of my Saturday enjoyment with a trip to the toy store or maybe lunch somewhere fun.

 

The front door opened and I turned my head to see a man and woman with two little girls enter the waiting area. The girls were dressed identically, despite their size and age difference, both wore yellow shortalls with a pastel rainbow applique on the front and  bright pink shirts beneath. I recognized Mouse immediately, but quickly turned my attention away from her, sure that if she knew that I knew that she was dressed just like her toddler sister she would be beyond embarrassed.

 

Moving in a little chain, Mouse being led by the hand by her mother and Mouse leading her sister by the hand behind her, the trio moved into the waiting area while her dad checked in at the reception desk. The littler of the two girls rushed to the toys off in the corner of the waiting area with her bigger doppelganger trudging reluctantly behind her.

 

"Hey there, you two!" Mouse's mother chirped at Mommy and I as she took a seat near us. "Celeste, come say hello to Alina and her Mommy." she called out to her daughter.

 

If Mouse could have turned her head around faster, it might have snapped off and gone flying through the wall on the other side of the room, and if a shade of red existed that was brighter than her cheeks, I hadn't seen it up to that point.

 

Our eyes met and then we both found something more interesting to quickly focus on, but Mouse did as she was told and got up from the floor and waddled over to us, the pacifier in her mouth frantically bobbing between her lips as she stared down at the floor.

 

"Alina, say hello to your friend." Mommy said with a nudge on my elbow with her own.

 

I looked up from the intensely fascinating dark spot on the carpet next to my feet, wondering if it had been food at one time or was something gross tracked in from outside as I moved my gaze up from the floor to Mouse's feet, her pink velcro shoes with the little lights in the heel giving me pause. I wanted those shoes and I didn't care who knew it. I skimmed past her bulging waist area, not knowing specifically what was beneath the yellow denim of the shortalls, but having a pretty good idea that it wasn't toys stuffed in there. I stared at the pacifier in her mouth, the little cartoon flower on the front of the shield smiled out at me while Mouse worked it feverishly in her mouth, making the happy flower dance for everyone. "Hi, Mouse." I mumbled quietly, feeling very hot and nervous all of a sudden, more for Mouse than for myself.

 

"Hi, Awina." was her response, one barely audible garbled through the pacifier.

 

I tried to think of something else to say to her, to make her feel more at ease. "I really like your shoes." I blurted out with a hopeful smile.

 

Mouse blushed hotter and looked down to the floor, or maybe to her shoes to try and see what I saw that made them so likable.

 

"Celeste, what do we say when someone compliments us?" her mother asked.

 

Mouse stiffened and breathed in sharply through her nose. "Fankoo." she quietly mumbled.

 

"Alina, why don't you go play with Celeste and her sister while the Mommy's talk." my Mommy urged as she put a hand on my back and guided me to stand up and do as I was told.

 

Standing up I was struck by how much bigger I felt standing in front of Mouse. Normally we weren't all that dissimilar in height, but for some reason it felt like she was littler now than she was at school. Something clicked inside me and I reached out and took her hand and led her back to her sister and the toys.

 

Mouse's sister payed us no attention as she moved colored beads along a series of winding metal wires and we took a seat near her.

 

With a cautionary glance to her mother and then to her father who was still at the reception desk, Mouse let the pacifier drop from her mouth and looked up at me with a suddenly very sad look in her eyes. "Please don't tell anyone at school about this." she whispered pleadingly.

 

I looked at her with alarmed astonishment. "Mouse, why would you think I would tell anyone?" I asked, actually hurt at the implication.

 

She shrugged and absently picked at one of the velcro straps on her shoe as she stared intently at it. "You told me once that Dawn told people you wet the bed so she could fit in or whatever and I thought maybe you might do that too." she said quietly.

 

I leaned forward and hugged Mouse as tight as I could. "I would never do anything like that to my best friend." I told her.

 

The hug that Mouse gave me in return was full of so much raw emotion that, looking back on it now, should have clued me in to how strongly Mouse felt about our friendship and how much my keeping of her secret meant to her.

 

After our hug we started to play with the toys together, actually enjoying ourselves, Mouse forgetting her embarrassment and me feeling good about myself for helping my best friend. As we played I noticed Mouse allowing herself to fall more comfortably into the role which she was dressed for. At some point, her pacifier had gone back into her mouth and she relaxed more and more until she was giggling and genuinely having a good time.

 

The weird thing was, as we played I felt more and more inclined to "help" her play? It's hard to explain. On the one hand, she was my best friend and we were equals in school and as friends, but on the other hand I began to perceive her as no different than her sister, a baby to show how to properly play with the toys and to look after while also playing with them. I felt responsible for her, like a big sister, and it felt nice because I'd never had a sibling and never got to experience something like that before.

 

"Alina Benez?" came the voice of the nurse from behind me.

 

Mommy got up and came to get me, taking my hand and helping me up from the toys. "She'll be back in just a little bit, Celeste." she said with a motherly smile toward Mouse as she led me to the nurse.

 

******************************************************************************

 

I watched Alina go with her Mommy and felt a pang of sadness. I was having fun playing with her and now I was alone with my sister and she didn't play nearly as good as Alina.

 

Mommy came and got my sister a short time after Alina had left and Daddy picked me up at the same time and I found myself being given a bottle of breast milk along with my sister on the couch in the waiting area. This was nothing new, Stacy and I were fed together not only at home but out in the world regularly, but with Alina being part of the equation and her return an unknown variable, I was very nervous as the milk drained from the bottle.

 

The door across the room opened and I let my gaze wander over to it and my mouth went slack causing milk to dribble out and down my cheek to my shoulder and the couch cushion beneath me as I saw Dawn walk in with her father and a woman I knew could only be her father's girlfriend.

 

"Celeste, you're such a messy baby." Daddy chided as he gently removed the bottle from my mouth and wiped my face and the couch with a burp cloth from the diaper bag that sat between him and Mommy.

 

Dawn looked over at us and her face lit up when she saw me, wrenching her hand from the grip of the woman she was with and racing over to me, her smile so wide and happy that it was really unsettling just how excited she was to see me and not at all concerned about the way I was dressed or the fact that I was being treated like a baby. "Oh my gosh, hi, Mousy, it's been so long!" she exclaimed as she came up to us. "I love your outfit, it's so cute!" she declared as she reached out and fussed with one of the straps of my shortalls.

 

I cringed at her making my nickname more infantile and turned away from her as if I could hide at this point.

 

"Oh, someone is being shy." Daddy said as he sat me up and turned me on his lap so I was facing Dawn. "Say hello to Dawn, sweetie." he said.

 

I wanted to cry. I was on the verge of giving in to my emotions and throwing an epic tantrum when my salvation came in the form of the woman Dawn had come in with.

 

"Don't you ever run away from me like that, Dawny!" she hissed as she roughly grabbed Dawn's hand and dragged her away, striking Dawn's rear end with her open palm once but with enough force to cause Dawn's legs to buckle as she was pushed forward, sending her falling to the floor on her hands and knees. The woman sighed in exasperation and put her hands on her hips as she looked down at Dawn. "Can't you go five minutes without trying to be a baby?" she said as she reached down and picked Dawn up around the waist, standing the now crying girl up on her feet.

 

"It wasn't my fault!" Dawn whined as she rubbed the tears from her eyes.

 

The woman nodded. "It's never your fault, is it?" she asked as she rolled her eyes. "Maybe we should see if we can borrow a diaper from your little friend over there, I'll bet you'd like that, wouldn't you?" she sneered.

 

I felt bad for Dawn as I watched this woman tease and pick on her, but I couldn't help her as Daddy lay me back down and reinserted the bottle into my mouth. All I could do was close my eyes and try and push the world out of my thoughts and focus on drinking my bottle and wetting my diaper like a good baby, like everyone expected me to be.

 

******************************************************************************

 

I sniffled and rubbed my aching bottom as I wiped my tears away. I looked over my shoulder at Mouse and felt better knowing that she was laying with her eyes closed nursing her bottle and maybe hadn't seen what had happened. I hated seeing her living the life I wanted and was being made to feel guilty about wanting.

 

Tiffany, my dad's girlfriend, was a raging bitch. She was barely out of highschool and apparently thought that babysitting the neighborhood kids for the years she was practicing fellatiating the entire male student body as well as every male member of the PTA meant that she was an expert in child psychology. She advised my father to shame me into giving up my fascination with being a baby again and because he only thinks with his dick since divorcing my mom, he agreed and left it up to "Tiff" to break my habits.

 

The things she said and did to me were child abuse, plain and simple, but because of her youthful appearance, most people just thought she was a mean older sister picking on her whiny baby sister and ignored things like her making me walk through the supermarket in wet pants carrying a package of diapers, crying uncontrollably when she made me explain to the cashier that the diapers were for me because I just couldn't seem to get control of myself. The real mean streak came after we'd left the store and she tossed the diapers into a charity donation box, leaving me in my itchy, wet pants until we got home, which may or may not be right away.

 

Tiffany actively denied me diapers while also putting me into positions where I would show a need for them. She would hustle me around when we were out and pretend not to hear me when I asked to be taken to the bathroom and then chastise me loudly and relentlessly when I had an accident. The one and only time I fought back was when we were out and Tiffany's little game resulted in me having a messy accident in the cart. I'd had enough and I threw a full blown tantrum in the store that was so effective we were asked to leave and Tiffany was absolutely mortified. The event didn't change anything and only resulted in me getting a thorough spanking after my bath and being sent to bed without dinner, but the look of embarrassment on her face as she pushed a little girl through a store as she screamed her head off about going poopy in her pants somehow made it worth while.

 

"Eyes forward, young lady." Tiffany snapped. "I know what you're thinking about and you know it's wrong to be jealous of a baby." she told me.

 

I turned my attention from Mouse and fought the urge to cry. I thought about throwing a tantrum or having an accident or just going full blown toddler and start running around the waiting room causing as much chaos and destruction as I could, but I knew all it would get me was a spanking, or a belting since my dad was with us, and the hit I'd already endured made the prospect of that not at all pleasant or worth the trouble.

 

In another life my dad loved me and I was his baby girl, but in the aftermath of our family disintegrating he was often angry and resentful toward me being around and usually only acted like a dad to administer punishments or sign alimony checks. He loved Tiffany now, and she called him "Daddy" loud enough and often enough at night when I was with him for the idea that we could go back to what we once had to be sadly impossible.

 

"Okay, Alina, come on down here and wait for the doctor to come in and see you and your Mommy." a nurse's voice said cheerfully through the doorway leading from the waiting area to the exam rooms.

 

I looked up and saw Alina, and my heart skipped a beat. It had been so long since I'd seen her that I didn't think there would be any kind of reaction, but as I saw her walk into the hallway I was right back in her bedroom the night she'd kissed me and I felt all the pain of having pushed her away and making her feel like she'd done something wrong come rushing up and I called out to her, not words, just a desperate noise directed at her, and she turned and saw me and her face started to look happy and then she felt all the same feelings and the momentary happiness faded instantly and she turned away and walked down the hall.

 

Nothing mattered after that. She didn't want to see me or talk to me or love me anymore, I'd ruined everything we'd had and nothing mattered. I ripped my hand from Tiffany's grasp once again and raced down the hall to Alina, throwing my arms around her midsection from behind and hugging her as tightly as I could, crying uncontrollably as I spilled every thought and feeling I had for her out in one ugly and unintelligible mass of word vomit.

 

Tiffany's hand clamped down on my shoulder and she yanked me off of Alina and picked me up to carry me away, leaving me defeated and sobbing in her arms as I watched Alina moving further away as we left.

 

"Dawn!" Alina called out. "I never gave up on you." she said finally, wiping a tear from her eye as she turned and moved down the hall once again.

 

Those few words made things okay again. The spanking that Tiffany gave me out at the car didn't hurt. The knowledge that Mouse knew I'd gotten spanked didn't embarrass me. Alina never gave up on me, and that made all the difference in a world that was hard and painful and unfair.

 

******************************************************************************

 

A few days after the visit to the pediatrician the call came in from the doctor's office that they wanted to run some tests because they were noticing some issues with my blood work. I had to go in a big, noisy machine that took pictures of my insides and then we had to sit in the doctors office for a long time while he talked about what the pictures might mean. Cancer isn't a word you ever want to hear, but it's a really scary word for you to hear before you even make it to your eighth birthday.

 

End Part Two

[Wannatripbaby]

I know at this point the terrible things your characters suffer is almost a meme around here, but that won't stop me from saying Kimmy might have some competition for the title "Princess of Torment." ?

Seriously though, great chapter. I'm glad to see that, even though these 3 girls' lives are falling apart, their relationship with one another is still holding strong. And sense you like to play the music game here I'll sum up my sentiments in some Chris Rice lyrics:

And my heart pounds with a thinder

and I stop and wonder

what do you do with life's surprises

everyday the sun rises on us

like a swingset in a graveyard

like a bloom in the desert sands

look at my trembling hands

'cause it hits me like lightning

that love must keep fighting

and somehow, everytime

love is gonna break through.

[RambleLamb]

17 hours ago, Wannatripbaby said:

I know at this point the terrible things your characters suffer is almost a meme around here, but that won't stop me from saying Kimmy might have some competition for the title "Princess of Torment." ?

Seriously though, great chapter. I'm glad to see that, even though these 3 girls' lives are falling apart, their relationship with one another is still holding strong. And sense you like to play the music game here I'll sum up my sentiments in some Chris Rice lyrics:

And my heart pounds with a thinder

and I stop and wonder

what do you do with life's surprises

everyday the sun rises on us

like a swingset in a graveyard

like a bloom in the desert sands

look at my trembling hands

'cause it hits me like lightning

that love must keep fighting

and somehow, everytime

love is gonna break through.

I admire your optimism, I hope that your song choice proves to be correct.

I'm having to transition ahead of schedule because of the issues with underage characters, that's why this part took so long to get out, I wanted to set myself up for the next part which will come after a brief interlude chapter. Either everything will work out and story will make sense or this will be the moment story falls apart. 

I'm still very much enjoying it and I have some very good bits in store, and a lot of them aren't brutally depressing! Yay!

[Wannatripbaby]

4 hours ago, RambleLamb said:

I'm having to transition ahead of schedule because of the issues with underage characters, that's why this part took so long to get out, I wanted to set myself up for the next part which will come after a brief interlude chapter. Either everything will work out and story will make sense or this will be the moment story falls apart.

I thought you said you weren't going to change your story no matter what? That you were going to write your story and if people don't like it they don't have to read it?

That whole "controversy" had nothing to do with what you wrote. How do I know this? Elfy later stated he went through and deleted all of his stories in his library that contained underaged characters regardless of their content. So that was all apparently a personal conviction thing, not a problem with your writing.

[RambleLamb]

2 hours ago, Wannatripbaby said:

I thought you said you weren't going to change your story no matter what? That you were going to write your story and if people don't like it they don't have to read it?

That whole "controversy" had nothing to do with what you wrote. How do I know this? Elfy later stated he went through and deleted all of his stories in his library that contained underaged characters regardless of their content. So that was all apparently a personal conviction thing, not a problem with your writing.

1. Classy move throwing my own words back in my face there, chief 

2. There's a world of difference between writing something that people just aren't into and not feeling required to change things to appease them, and writing something that could get my story deleted and/or me banned if someone wanted to complain about it.

As far as the controversy goes, the mods ruled in my favor, obviously, but all it takes is someone to feel "triggered" or something and we're back to having to wait for a decision to be made and with that being the second such review odds are the story would just get dumped. I'm still writing my story my way, I'm just not gonna tempt fate when I don't have to.

Also, I didn't comment about what was happening in the creation aspect of the story to have my reasons questioned, I simply did it so that the upcoming curve in the road didn't derail everyone. The fact that I relayed positive information about the future of the story should be enough to provide excitement for what's to come but clearly I misjudged the room.

[Wannatripbaby]

38 minutes ago, RambleLamb said:

1. Classy move throwing my own words back in my face there, chief 

2. There's a world of difference between writing something that people just aren't into and not feeling required to change things to appease them, and writing something that could get my story deleted and/or me banned if someone wanted to complain about it.

As far as the controversy goes, the mods ruled in my favor, obviously, but all it takes is someone to feel "triggered" or something and we're back to having to wait for a decision to be made and with that being the second such review odds are the story would just get dumped. I'm still writing my story my way, I'm just not gonna tempt fate when I don't have to.

Also, I didn't comment about what was happening in the creation aspect of the story to have my reasons questioned, I simply did it so that the upcoming curve in the road didn't derail everyone. The fact that I relayed positive information about the future of the story should be enough to provide excitement for what's to come but clearly I misjudged the room.

Fair enough. Plus we've gotten a lot of backstory by now and have a pretty clear picture of Alina and Dawn's childhood trauma. At some point we do have to move on. Unless this story is gonna be 100 pages of children suffering. ?

I trust your judgement. Nobody is going to care about your story more than you do. Wherever this goes next, I'll look forward to seeing what that brilliant mind of yours comes up with. ♡

[RambleLamb]

5 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Fair enough. Plus we've gotten a lot of backstory by now and have a pretty clear picture of Alina and Dawn's childhood trauma. At some point we do have to move on. Unless this story is gonna be 100 pages of children suffering. ?

I trust your judgement. Nobody is going to care about your story more than you do. Wherever this goes next, I'll look forward to seeing what that brilliant mind of yours comes up with. ♡

I mean, it's almost a hundred pages of children suffering as is, I think I'm between 83 and 86, with the interlude we should be just about there.

We're coming to a point where adulting happens, and while that doesn't mean happiness, it does mean we're moving in that direction. 

[RambleLamb]

Just so everyone is on the same page, we're doing three "interludes", one for each of the girls and when we return to the story proper we'll be looking at our characters as they are older than when we last left them. Don't worry, there's still lots of story left and this isn't a race to the finish line situation, I'm simply removing the underage character aspect so that we can move forward without the dark cloud of discomfort looming overhead in case anyone decides they're suddenly not okay with reading about children.

When I started this story I wanted to tell a love story and wanted it to have happiness, I never lost that vision, but I'm not someone that believes in sudden happiness existing in a vacuum, it has to come from a place where it's needed. I don't think you can be happy without knowing what pain, loss, suffering, and sadness feel like. I feel like happiness achieved after going through these other emotions makes the happiness so much greater and I won't apologize for tormenting my characters because I know that eventually they will find their happiness and the emotional impact will make the road traveled worth it.

For those of you that have continued to read this story in spite of all the emotional fuckery, I thank you, you've given me hope that maybe what I'm doing is good enough to have people maintain an invested interest for the characters I've created. For those that noped out when it got too real or painful, I thank you, you've proven to me that I'm right to travel this path the way I have if it makes you feel something that you can relate to. I thank anyone that reads anything I write, taking time to look over the words I've committed to "paper" means so much to me and I hope that my continued journey as a writer keeps people interested and thinking and feeling, even if the reactions aren't always positive, I'm just happy for the reaction.

 

A Mouse's Tale

 

Interlude Part One of Three

 

When I was born, it was both a blessing and a nightmare for my parents. My mother was pregnant with twins, but there was a complication during the delivery, and my twin didn't survive. The delivery process was very intense and there was something like a two percent chance that even one of the babies would survive, so, when I came out and they got me to start breathing and crying, it was nothing short of a miracle.

 

Obviously it isn't natural for parents to treat their young daughter like an infant, to keep her as the baby of the family and behave as if she's the same developmentally as her toddler sister when she's not at school, but here's the thing, when they lost the other baby and thought they were going to lose me as well, it effected them both greatly. The fear of losing the life that they'd created together from their love for each other, the life that my mother carried inside her and bonded with in utero was too much for them to handle and they both developed this overprotective nature toward me.

 

Throughout my childhood there's clear moments where this behavior and outlook was exacerbated. My smaller size allowed their view of me as their baby to continue well past the normal period of actual infancy. My small bladder that caused me to struggle with toilet training and bedwetting allowed for the necessity of diapers and training pants to remain well past the point where it would be deemed acceptable for a normal child to wear such things with regularity.

 

These factors contributed to the delusion, they allowed my parents to make the conscious choice to keep me in a perpetual state of babyhood without having the feeling that they were somehow doing something wrong or abusing me in some way. For my part, though I was constantly feeling embarrassed about this treatment, there was a part of me that felt safer because of it. Yes, I wanted to be recognized as their smart daughter that had skipped a grade and was ready to grow up, but when I'd find myself with damp training panties at school I'd remember that I wasn't completely ready to grow up and that was okay because Mommy and Daddy were there to take care of me for as long as was necessary.

 

Looking at Dawn and Alina's home lives makes thankful for the love my parents have for me. Sure, I complain about the way they baby me to such extremes, but seeing both of my friends home lives fall apart around them while I'm cared for and loved by both of my parents reminds me that even if the way my parents treat me is conventionally weird, at the end of the day they love me and if I have to endure some funny looks or some embarrassing situations out in public then I think that's a small price to pay to have a happy and loving family.

 

When the doctor told us he was concerned I might have cancer, my parents took the news very hard. After we got home from the meeting with the doctor where all the tests were done, my mother sat with me in her arms in the rocking chair in the nursery for hours. She didn't say much, she just held me and rocked us in the chair. She cried periodically, and put me to her breast a few times, stroking my cheek gently as she looked down at me while I nursed. I was scared, and I wanted nothing more than what she was giving me, quiet love and care to make me feel safe and protected in the face of uncertainty. Later in the night my father took his turn with me, cradling me in his strong arms on the couch giving me my nightly bottle as I lay in the warmth of my pajamas and his embrace.

 

It turned out that I didn't have cancer, it was some kind of mix up in the lab that skewed my results. The brush with the prospect of losing me changed my parents as soon as we got the news that I was fine, they sent the rest of my siblings out of the house and sat down with me and we had a very long and very productive conversation about the future.

 

They explained why they treated me like a baby, telling me about the loss of my twin and their belief that what they were doing was beneficial for all of us, but confessing that they were being selfish and unfair to me by stifling my development and not allowing me to grow up into the young lady they were so proud of.

 

The attention to my achievements at school was paid, and it was made known that they were sorry if they'd made me feel like they weren't proud of me or hadn't noticed that I was growing up. They were, and always had been, so thankful that I'd survived that tumultuous birth that they clung to the image of that miracle baby for far longer than they should have, they acknowledged that while their motives and intentions were pure, they were ultimately unfair and potentially harmful to me and wouldn't continue to do that to me any longer.

 

Sitting across from my parents, listening to them telling me that they were wrong and that their treatment of me was going to change was bittersweet. I asked if they still loved me, and they practically leapt up from the table and rushed to hug me, reassuring me that they would never love me any less than they did before, they just didn't think it was right to baby me anymore.

 

It's a kind of surreal situation to be in hearing your parents tell you that they were wrong to baby you for your whole life to that point and kneeling beside you to hug you while your dressed like an overgrown toddler wetting your diaper while you're being praised for your academic achievements and successes as a growing young girl. Knowing that the life I'd become so accustomed to was going to change filled me with concern, my biggest worry was that I'd disappoint them, that the pride they claimed would falter when I proved that I still couldn't quite manage to stay dry during the day or at all at night. I wondered how long this change would hold up in the face of  possible evidence that the change was unwarranted.

 

The change happened immediately, I wasn't fed dinner and bathed with my baby sister, I wasn't given my nightly bottle or put to bed at the same time as her, and it was a shock to my system. I got very cranky staying up past my bedtime and had trouble falling asleep without the warm fullness in my tummy I'd grown so used to.

 

Being allowed to wear clothes I normally only wore to school all the time was initially very exciting, but looking at the cute little sundress my sister was wearing while I had jeans and a shirt made me feel less cute, and somehow less special and loved. I watched them dote on her while I was "allowed" to play independently, and I felt such extreme loss that by the afternoon I was hiding behind the couch defiantly filling my training panties like a baby would her diaper in an attempt to go back to that place I'd been denied access to, the place where I was loved and cared for, watched and protected.

 

My messy "accident" was met with sympathy and reassurance and the guidance that I should go take a shower and if I needed help with the cleanup I could ask. We'd gone from excessive over parenting to almost entirely hands off parenting overnight and I was not okay with it, and I melted down. My sister still reminds me periodically about the time I stood in the living room screaming and crying that it wasn't fair that I wasn't the baby anymore and how I missed my diapers and how my words quickly devolved into the blubbering sobs of a tantrum throwing toddler.

 

I'd been conditioned my whole life to be seen and treated like a baby in the family and being suddenly exposed to just how hollow and less spectacular the life of a little girl was when her parents had an actual baby to focus their attentions on and you were given freedom and independence was too much for me to handle and I did the only thing I felt like doing, I threw a tantrum and didn't let up until I got my way.

 

The whirlwind of emotional ups and downs and losses and gains happened over the course of only a single weekend, but even as I found myself once again being given a bottle before bed at the same time as my baby sister, the contentment of a full tummy and a soon to not be dry diaper was tempered by the knowledge that I would have to become ready for this treatment to end, that if my parents were willing to sacrifice having their miracle baby remain one for my development and wellbeing that I needed to make the effort to come to terms with making the sacrifice of the safety of my perpetual babyhood.

 

I made the conscious decision, and included my parents in said decision, that I would give everything up alongside my sister. When she weaned off the breast and no longer used bottles, I stopped too. When she stopped sleeping in a crib I gave up my toddler bed in favor of a more age appropriate bed. When she started potty training I got a star chart in the kitchen and a little potty right next to hers and we said goodbye to diapers together.

 

My parents lost a baby when I was born, but they lavished the love and attention they would have had for that baby on me. When my sister was born they hadn't transitioned me from the role of baby and just kind of let me remain a baby alongside her, but growing up with her, achieving those milestones together made it clear to not only my parents, but to me as well that my twin wasn't never born, she just came later than expected and that bond between my sister and I never diminished and to this day we're more twin's than older and younger sister and I wouldn't trade that bond for anything in the world.

[Wannatripbaby]

1 hour ago, RambleLamb said:

When I started this story I wanted to tell a love story and wanted it to have happiness, I never lost that vision, but I'm not someone that believes in sudden happiness existing in a vacuum, it has to come from a place where it's needed. I don't think you can be happy without knowing what pain, loss, suffering, and sadness feel like. I feel like happiness achieved after going through these other emotions makes the happiness so much greater and I won't apologize for tormenting my characters because I know that eventually they will find their happiness and the emotional impact will make the road traveled worth it.

I couldn’t agree more! That single statement is worth a Like in and of itself! ♡♡♡♡♡

Also it's nice to find out that not *all* the parents in this story are terrible. Like Mouse said, at least her parents truly, deeply loved her even if that did cause them to stray a bit too far into the over protective side.

[RambleLamb]

16 hours ago, Wannatripbaby said:

I couldn’t agree more! That single statement is worth a Like in and of itself! ♡♡♡♡♡

Also it's nice to find out that not *all* the parents in this story are terrible. Like Mouse said, at least her parents truly, deeply loved her even if that did cause them to stray a bit too far into the over protective side.

I never really thought of any of the parents as terrible. I mean, they've all had some kind of something that's changed them from what they once were to what they are. Is there some bad choice making when it comes to their parenting, absolutely, but there may still be something in them that they can reclaim to get back to where they were. 

Mouse being the favorite character for an alarming number of people is what initially spurred the reveal in this part. I don't want anyone to hate any of my characters unless they're obviously designed to be hated, and I felt that the easiest way to illustrate just how easy parenting can go wrong was to explain her parents situation. 

Dawn is next, and while I'm not condoning spanking your child or leaving her to be raised by a girl barely out of childhood herself, I will say that not everything is as it seems and maybe we'll learn something that gives us pause...or maybe I'm lying and Mouse's bit was the Trojan Horse of happiness and shit's about to get real. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

[CDfm]

Well I know that I have been slow getting to this but I want to let you know that I am totally loving the story. On reading some of the little extra posts I realize that there is or was an issue with underage kids. Having read the store I can’t imagine that there is an issue. There hasn’t been any thing that could be remotely considered sexual concerning these characters so I can’t understand what the issue could be. You have simply told a story about young girls and their struggles with a need or want for Diapers. Nothing that could even remotely be considered inappropriate. I think this story is amazing and I don’t want to see any outside pressure influencing how it progresses. 

[RambleLamb]

6 hours ago, CDfm said:

Well I know that I have been slow getting to this but I want to let you know that I am totally loving the story. On reading some of the little extra posts I realize that there is or was an issue with underage kids. Having read the store I can’t imagine that there is an issue. There hasn’t been any thing that could be remotely considered sexual concerning these characters so I can’t understand what the issue could be. You have simply told a story about young girls and their struggles with a need or want for Diapers. Nothing that could even remotely be considered inappropriate. I think this story is amazing and I don’t want to see any outside pressure influencing how it progresses. 

It's not so much that it's being influenced necessarily, it's that it's made me adjust my time table a bit. We were already moving toward the girls growing up, I'm just doing it now rather than a few chapters down the line, but i promise that the integrity of the story hasn't been compromised. 

I'm really glad you're still enjoying it and reading it! The issue that we had that wasn't really an issue was when Dawn and Alina kissed, but again, not really an issue.