Double Life (Private with Wannatripbaby)

[foofybabykitten]

I hesitate a moment before telling you in a shaky voice. "M-Maybe four or f-five times a week." I can't bring myself to look up at you, so I just bury myself in your embrace.

[Wannatripbaby]

"Seriously??" She holds you tighter. "Oh, baby. I'm... I'm so sorry," 

4 or 5 times a week my baby wakes of screaming or crying? Why? How does she even function? Has she seen a therapist?

Sorrow crashed over Emma and she begins to silently cry for her baby. The thought of you waking up like that almost every night is too much for her to bare and remain composed.

[foofybabykitten]

I nod my head in your embrace and start sniffling again.

Great, I just admitted how fucked up I really am, and now she'll start treating me like every girl before her did; like a dangerous animal to be treated with care, lest I bite them.

you feel my tears seeping through your clothing again as I ball my fists holding your pajamas tight in my frustration.

[Wannatripbaby]

She continues to coo at you "shhhhh, it's okay, Mommy’s here. You're okay. Mommy’s gonna take care of you." until you calm down. Her own voice betrays her sorrow and pain. She would do anything to take your pain away.

[foofybabykitten]

I let myself calm down, trying to put my worries out of mind temporarily, lest I enter a negative cycle where I just make myself more and more anxious. I just quietly stay in your arms, not knowing what I can say to try and lighten the mood, but not wanting to dwell on my short comings any longer either.

[Wannatripbaby]

"There we go, good girl. You're a good girl. Is there anything I can do to help you sleep? A bottle of warm milk? A diaper change? You name it and Mommy will move mountains if she has to."

[foofybabykitten]

"U-Um a bottle sounds n-nice." I softly stutter.

Whenever I'm upset warm milk always helps me feel better, being in a bottle only amplifies the effect. My diaper is also pretty wet and puffy, but I avoid mentioning it, the squishy garment adding another soothing element to the situation.

[Wannatripbaby]

"Sure thing baby. I'll be right back. Here, cuddle Momo until I get back." She puts Momo in your arms and leaves the room.

Two minutes and twenty-three seconds later she returns with a bottle of warm milk, snuggles back under the covers with you, and feeds you your bottle while she strokes your hair. "Good baby. Drink your baba for Mama."

[foofybabykitten]

I hug Momo tightly trying to preserve the heat you left behind. When you return and present me the bottle I quickly latch on wanting to feel it's soothing effects a second sooner. As I drink I let my mind wander to happier places, littler places; I'm starting to become sleepy again, your gentle cooing almost like a lullaby to my ears. 

I finish the bottle and replace it with my pacifier before asking sleepily, "Mommy, can yew sing fow me?" You can see I'm much calmer now, and sleepier as I blink listlessly. 

[Wannatripbaby]

"Of course I can, baby. Let me think..." she tries to think of a lullaby and once again goes back to James Taylor and decides to give it a feminine touch.

"There is a young cowgirl, she sleeps on the range... her horse and her caddle are her only companions... she works in the saddle and she sleeps in the canyon, just waiting for summer, her pastures to change..."

She goes through the whole song changing all the masculine pronouns to feminine ones.

"So Goodnight all you moonlight ladies... rockabye sweet baby Jane... deep greens and blues are the colors I choose, won't you let me go down in my dreams... yes and rockabye sweet baby Jane..."

[foofybabykitten]

I can't get enough of your singing, your slightly tone deaf voice is soothing in a cozy, homey, familiar way; much in the same way sitting in front of a fire place on a cold winter night with warm cozy clothes, and a cup of hot cocoa is. I manage to stay up for about 75% of the song before I drift off into a dreamless sleep, my paci bobbing up and down as I suckle, Momo and my blankie squeezed close to my chest, and my free hand weakly holding onto one of your pajama sleeves.

[Wannatripbaby]

Seeing you finally at rest, feeling the tension slip away with your consciousness, was like music to Emma's soul. She felt fulfilled. Like she'd saved you from some fate worse than death and now the 2 of you could live happily ever after.

She fell asleep with a smile on her face.

[foofybabykitten]

I wake up rather early the next day with you still sleeping next to me, I figure that I should let you sleep in after waking you up in the middle of the night, and even though I know you would tell me there's nothing to be sorry about, I still feel guilty.

Why don't I make her breakfast? It can be my apology as well as just a nice gesture in general.

I make my way into the kitchen and look into the refrigerator. "Let's see, eggs check, cheese check... ah ham, and spinach, perfect!"

I get to cooking deciding to make a Swiss cheese, ham, and spinach omelet. Though cooking isn't my forte, I can still do some simple stuff. As I'm in the middle of cooking I realize my morning pee is on the way, so I just let it go into my diaper. Speaking of my diaper it is pretty much filled to capacity after my wetting just now, It's so fluffy and saggy that my snaps on my onesie are in danger of unsnapping. along with the omelets I also make some toast with apricot jam, and pour two glasses of orange juice; mine in a sippy cup of course. Right as I get everything set on the table and I'm about to go wake you up I hear your bedroom door open.

[Wannatripbaby]

Emma wakes up and her heart drops when she feels your absence. She feels around for you. Nothing. Opens her eyes. She's alone.

Her mind spins and panics as her mind begins to come up with all sorts of nightmare scenarios to explain your absence. She rushes to the door, still naked from the waist up, and stops dead in her tracks when she sees you.

She's still here!

"Baby!" She runs over and squeezes you tighter then she ever has before pulling away and looking into your eyes. "Don't you ever disappear like that again! I thought you were gone! I thought..." she starts to calm down as the absurdity of what she thought begins to dawn on her.

[foofybabykitten]

My eyes are wide as saucers as you hug me desperately, I'm confused and even a little bit panicked before you scold me. 

My eyes tear up as I look down at my feet, "I-I'm sorry Mommy, I jus-I just thought I would make breakfast." My voice cracks a little in emotion.

To think that she would become so worried about me, no one ever cared about me so much.

My quiet tears start to turn to louder cries reminiscent of a hurting child.

[Wannatripbaby]

Emma felt bad when she thought you were gone. But now, having hurt you herself, she felt horrible.

She quickly wraps you in a hug. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make you feel bad. Mommy’s touched that you wanted to make breakfast. And... Oh, Alice I'm just so sorry!" She tries her best not to start crying. She felt just awful. Is this how I chase away the greatest thing that has ever happened to me?

[foofybabykitten]

I dive into your embrace wanting you to make my chaotic emotions calm down, and after a few minutes of hugging it out, you do. I eventually decide to pull away, and though I'm a little sniffy and puffy eyed I'm much more stable than I was a few moments before.

"I'm sorry Mommy, I'll make sure to w-wake you up next time." I apologies meekly.

[Wannatripbaby]

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have freaked out like that. I don't know what I was thinking. It was..." What? A moment of weakness? What kind of sorry-ass excuse is that? "Can we maybe just start this whole morning over? Forget the last 5 minutes ever happened?"

[foofybabykitten]

I looked into your eyes for a good long moment wondering if I heard right, I eventually slowly nod my head, a little confusion evident on my face.

When ever she loses her cool she always asks me to forget it happened, is it really okay to humor her?

"Okay... I guess we can do that." I respond a little slowly. I make sure to wipe my eyes of any trace of tears before sitting down at the table and gesturing for you to do the same.

 

[Wannatripbaby]

"Thank you. Uhh, let me go put my shirt back on."

She leaves and returns 20 seconds later clothed and smiling.

"Good morning, baby!" She comes over and kisses your cheek before sitting down. "Awww, you didn't need to make Mommy breaking!" She sniffs the air. "Mmmmm, it smells delicious!"

[foofybabykitten]

I smile hesitantly at first, I'm a little off kilter, but when you praise the smell I beam more honestly at you. I start bouncing in excitement waiting for you to try it. 

"Mommy, you gotta try it first!" I chirp cheerily, my diaper squelching as I bounce boisterously.

[Wannatripbaby]

"Alright." She picks up her fork and takes a bite. "Mmmmm, that's really good, baby! You're quite the little chef, it seems." I honestly expected it to be terrible. But this is actually pretty good! I wonder what the 2 of us could make if we worked together?

[foofybabykitten]

I smile widely at the praise before digging in myself, I keep sending you glances as we eat, every bite you take makes me wiggle a little in happiness.

[Wannatripbaby]

The two of you enjoy a delicious breakfast together. Emma's Mommy-side was still a little upset about you taking charge, but the rest of her appreciated the kind gesture.

Once she's finished she pushes the plate away. "That hit the spot! Now then, I couldn't help but notice somebody's diaper was sagging pretty low this morning?"

[foofybabykitten]

I tilt my head adorably and ask with a confused expression, "S'not me, that means it must be you. I didn't know you wore diapers Mommy!" I smile cheekily.