Sonya and Michaela Starting Over

[Shy-Diapers]

When Michaela heard her name, she looked nervously up at the teacher, unsure what he wanted. She really didn’t want to answer any questions. She felt like crying. Her tummy was in knots and kept turning. 

She looked at her teacher, wondering what he wanted. She felt embarrassed that he had raised his voice at her. She didn’t know he had called on her twice before. She was so unfocused to realize. 

Michaela hoped she wouldn’t have to say anything in front of the class, or worse stand in front of the class. Before she loved talking to people and was more than ok with presenting to the class. But after her father’s death and the new changes, she was so quiet and withdrawn except with her mother. 

[Ishigreensa]

"It's your turn to read," the teacher said to her.  "Can you look onto Imelda's book and read for us?"

He could see that she looked nervous, but skipping her wouldn't help her get comfortable, or at least, that's what he thought.  He figured the sooner class became routine for the new girl, the easier it would be for her.  Routine was the reason he decided not to make her introduce herself yet.  Introductions were not a part of the normal routine, but he would eventually ask her to, maybe the next day or something.

Imelda kept pointing where they were so that Michaela could start reading, if she would, but sitting right next to her, she could feel her classmate's unnoticed movements and realized that she was nervous.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela looked at the book nervously, feeling her hands get all sweaty. She didn’t like the rising feeling in her stomach. She felt almost as if she would throw up if she opened her mouth. She tried to read, but couldn’t even get simple words right. Her face was turning redder by the second, tears welling up in her eyes. 

She swallowed as hard as she could, trying not to let the tears flow down her small freckled face. She wanted to run out of the classroom, but knew that was very unlikely, especially since she was unable to reach her crutches from wear she was sitting. 

Michaela looked up at her teacher, the tears falling down her face now. Her eyes pleading with him and seemingly begging him to let her stop. 

[Ishigreensa]

The teacher sighed and looked around the room.

"Brad, please continue reading."

Then as the boy started to read, he came and squatted by Michaela.

"Honey, what's wrong?" he asked her.  "Are you okay?"

He picked up her crutches and put them next to her desk for her while he was next to her seat.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela shook her head, tears running down her face. Her throat felt tight and made it hard to speak. She was so embarrassed. She wanted to disappear and go home. And by Home, she meant her real home, not the tiny little apartment they lived in now. 

She looked down at her lap, tears still running down her small face. She felt stupid, not being able to read out loud, and she felt different, she didn’t look like the other kids in her class. 

“I’m sorry.” She squeaked out. 

[Ishigreensa]

Mr. Roberts sighed and patted her back while he called for the next person to read.  He wasn't going to walk back to her desk while she felt so alone and embarrassed.

Once the reading was done, he stood up a minute.

"Please go to the front of the room, get a question sheet, and then go back and find two friends, and start filling in the sheet," he told the class.  Then he turned back to Michaela.

"It's okay, honey.  Can you come to my desk for me for a minute?"

He handed her her crutches though he was tempted her carry her, he didn't want to add to her embarrassment by treating her like a baby in front of her peers.  Besides, it wasn't proper for a teacher to carry a student unless there was a real need, and embarrassment didn't really qualify.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela felt ashamed and humiliated. She hated this school and everything about the town. The bus is smelly, she doesn’t have her own bed, she can’t use the bathroom alone, and she can’t even function at school. 

She embarrassedly grabbed her crutches and headed to Mr. Roberts’ desk. Her braces were really bothering her, feeling too small and uncomfortable, just like her crutches. 

She stood by his desk and stared at her feet, trying to move her legs to feel more comfortable, shifting her weight, but not in a way that looks like she needs the bathroom. 

“I’m sorry Mister.” Michaela squeaked. She didn’t know what to do, she just hoped she wasn’t in trouble. 

[Ishigreensa]

"It's okay," he said getting up for a minute and dragging a chair for her to sit in next to him.  "I'm just worried about your abilities and your self esteem, so I'd like to do a small reading test with you, honey.  The test is not for a grade, and there is no shame however you do with it.  It will just let me see how well you can read when you don't have to worry about the class staring at you.  If you want, you can look around and see that everyone else is working, so they aren't paying attention to us, okay?"

He then got out a book for one grade earlier to make sure she could read it fluently before he would bring her up to grade level.  If she had a hard time with that one, then he'd have to talk to her mom and the school staff about putting her in an easier reading class....

[Shy-Diapers]

“I can read.” Michaela said dejectedly. She read at it above her fourth grade appropriate reading level. She just was so nervous and upset that she couldn’t focus that well and got flustered. She frowned and looked at the book. She looked sadly up at her teacher, feeling stupid. 

She just stared at her lap, not wanting to read. She was embarrassed and felt stupid. She didn’t know what to say or do at this new confusing school. She felt so out of place and out of sorts. It didn’t help that added to her plate was the fact that she started to feel like she had to go to the bathroom. 

Her bathroom abilities were completely fine, but as with any child under such stress she had been having accidents lately. And sometimes it was harder to get to the bathroom because of obstacles and her crutches. 

[Ishigreensa]

Mr. Roberts frowned.  

"I just want to see where you are, honey," he tried to coax her.  "You're not in trouble, and no one will pay attention to us, honey."

He sighed.  It looked useless and he wasn't sure if she was about to cry again.

"Alright, we can hold off on the reading test, okay?  How about you just go back to your seat and try to project everyone else is doing?  You won't have to talk to anyone else if you don't want to to do that, okay?"

He started to stand up.

He made sure she had her crutches in hand before he let her get on her way and he went off to see how the other students were doing.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela shrugged and nodded. She took the paper that everyone else was working on, but frowned at her seat. Everyone else was working with two other people. She had to work on it by herself. She didn’t know anyone else, certainly not enough to talk to them about the project. 

Michaela tried to work on the project, but was getting distracted the more she had to use the bathroom. She didn’t know the classroom rules and didn’t want to get in trouble. 

She worked on the paper, but was working very slowly. Everything was so hard on this little girl right now. She didn’t understand her life right now. Why wouldn’t and couldn’t things go back to normal? Why couldn’t she have her father and her house and her friends and her school and everything else back?

[Ishigreensa]

Imelda saw her working by herself after a while and felt sad for her, so she came over bringing her two friends with her.

"Hey, Mi... um... I can't remember your name.  Sorry.  These are my friends.  We wanted to work with you, if you're okay with that.  I love having a lot of friends."

She then showed her where to put her name and set up the paper heading because it looked like she had done it wrong.  Well, at least it wasn't how the teacher told them to write it on a normal day.  The teacher had not had a chance to show her how to set up her paper yet.

"So, we're just reading through the story like this, and then finding answers as we read, so we read each question first before we start reading again.  I bet with a fourth person helping us, we'll get done sooner."

One of the other girls just shrugged.  She had nothing against the new girl, but just didn't see why they needed her.  They already had three of them, but she knew it was rude to say something especially since Imelda was already promising her to work with her.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela stayed silent, looking down and following Imelda’s directions. She followed the girl to where they were working, thinking she was supposed to. She read the story silently, taking a while longer than the other girls. This wasn’t because she couldn’t read well, but it was because she was so stressed about everything that she couldn’t focus. She was still pretty hungry too. She only had oatmeal, but for the past few days she’d be lucky to get one meal, let alone three. 

Eventually, she filled out the questions, but felt stupid, seeing how everyone else was already finished a while before her. She went back to her seat when it was time, fidgeting around. It was a combination of anxiousness and her urge to use the bathroom. She really had to go, but hadn’t seen anyone else need to go, so she figured she had to hold it. 

[Ishigreensa]

Mr. Roberts started to write out some spelling words on the board.

Lunch time was in about twenty-five minutes, after spelling.

Imelda saw her fidgeting in her chair.

"Are you okay?" she whispered to her.  "You don't have to be nervous.  If the words are too hard, we can work on them together.  I have a hard time pronouncing some of these words, too, and they don't look the way they are supposed to sound."

She smiled at her new friend.

Then she realized, maybe she had to pee.

"Do you want to go to the bathroom?  If you do, wait for the teacher to stop explaining and then go up and ask him in private.  You probably don't want people to hear you ask...."

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela was embarrassed when the girl next to her started talking. She was doing the spelling relatively well, but had trouble focusing. 

She turned bright red when Imelda recognized she had to go to the bathroom. She nodded and waited for Mr. Roberts to go to his desk. She had already started leaking a little, but it wasn’t very much. 

She grabbed her crutches and headed to the front of the room, her cheeks red. 

“Um.” Michaela said nervously. She  blushed and pointed to the door. “Um I...” She said, forgetting what she was going to say. She remembered when she felt some more escape into her underwear. “Can I go to the bathroom?” She asked embarrassedly. 

[Ishigreensa]

He smiled at her and pointed at the clock.

"We are going to lunch in less than ten minutes.  Can you not hold it, honey?" he asked.

Seeing her motions, though, he decided for himself that she couldn't.

"Nevermind, honey.  You do know where it is, right?  Just around the corner, honey."

He then nodded for her to go.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela scurried to the bathroom, getting a little lost on the way. She eventually found it and was able to get about half her bladder in the toilet. She washed her hands and embarrassedly headed back to class, knowing that the leggings under her dress were all wet. 

She got back to her seat, just to be told to line up for lunch. She sighed and got in line, following behind everyone, not knowing where to go. 

In the lunchroom, Michaela frowned. She was starving, but didn’t bring a lunch, since there was no food at home. She knew they had no money to buy food so she didn’t even get in line, not knowing she was allowed free lunch. 

She sighed and sat down at a table, alone. She didn’t know anyone well enough to sit by. 

[Ishigreensa]

The school lunch volunteers were watching though because it was their job to make sure that every kid ate!  There had been pressure lately since the last president started to increase awareness of school lunches, to make sure that every child ate.  

"Honey, why aren't you eating?" an adult came to sit by her and ask her.  "If you go over there and tell that lady that you don't have a ticket yet, your mommy will be billed for the lunch later.  You must eat, honey."

She then started to take her hand, when she notices that the little girl had crutches.

"You're going to need help with your tray, aren't you?"

[Shy-Diapers]

“I don’t have any food.” Michaela said softly. She meant that both currently at school and at home. She looked down at her lap. 

She shook her head, not wanting her mother to get billed for something. She knew they couldn’t afford to buy lunch at school anymore.

“Can’t buy lunch.” She said dejectedly. She looked down again and frowned. “Momma doesn’t have money for food no more.” She said with a sigh. 

When the woman tried to grab her hand, Michaela felt bad. She always seemed different. “I can do it.” She said, though she knew she couldn’t. She wanted to be independent. 

[Ishigreensa]

The lady shook her head.

"You have to eat when you come to this school, even if your mommy has no money.  We'll figure it out, okay?  In the meantime, you are eating lunch today."

She waited for her to get her crutches and led her to the lunch line.

"I'll take the tray," she told her firmly.  "I want to make sure you get it back to your spot without spilling.  You are a big independent person, I can see that.  But even adults need help when our hands are full, and yours are full, honey."

They got to the pay lady.

"I'll make sure she gets a note home to her mom explaining, but she needs an emergency lunch probably through the week."

The pay lady nodded and asked her name.

"I need your name for record purposes.  Don't worry if mommy can't pay, okay?"

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela looked down, anxiously fidgeting, trying to feel more comfortable in her drying leggings. 

“Michaela Anderson.” She said quietly. She was really hungry, but was still very nervous about everything. 

“We gonna be in trouble?” She asked the volunteer woman. “Momma says we don’t have enough for more than one meal a day.” She said quietly. She felt guilty she was saying these things, but she wanted to make sure she wasn’t gonna get her mom in trouble. 

After getting her lunch, Michaela sighed and started eating, kind of hoping the nice volunteer would stay with her. 

[Ishigreensa]

The volunteer shook her head.

"I don't think your mom will be in trouble if she's doing everything she can.  Sometimes, people just need help, honey.  But did your mom sign you up for free lunch and free breakfast?  If not, she should definitely do that."

She did stay with her because she could tell the girl was uncomfortable and no one else was sitting with her.

Of course, eventually, she would have to move on, but she could sit with the little girl for a short while.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela nodded. She was worried her mother would get in trouble. 

She ate about half her lunch, wrapping the other half in a napkin so she could eat at home. She was still hungry, but didn’t want to make her mother feel bad about not having food. 

She had no idea what the papers her mother filled out. There were so many forms. 

“I miss my old school.” She said before drinking her milk. She sighed a little and squirmed, her pants being kind of uncomfortable, and even starting to smell. “I miss my old house too.” Michaela said, glad someone was talking with her. 

[Ishigreensa]

The lady frowned.

She heard everything the little girl said, and the girl did start to smell, but she brushed it off.  Maybe they were really struggling and the mom just forgot to bathe her.

"Honey, I know you miss your old environment.  It's hard to move to a new place and make new friends.  You are not the first to have to go through it, but it will get better.  Just try to be brave and face the first few months with the attitude you will do your best, and in time, you'll have friends, honey."

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela sighed. She was sick of being brave. Everyone kept telling her to be brave and to be strong, but she was sick of it. Why couldn’t things be back to normal?

She stayed quiet for the rest of lunch, hiding half of the food in her pocket, not wanting her mother to worry about feeding her when she got home. 

Michaela joined the rest of her class in line, headed back to the classroom after lunch. Hopefully the day would be over soon.