Sonya and Michaela Starting Over

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela frowned and looked down. She felt guilty and ashamed. “I’m sorry Ms. Brenda.” She said quietly. 

“You were with the groups. I didn’t know what to do. I don’t want people thinking I’m a baby cuz I can’t go to the bathroom by myself. It’s embarrassing.” She admitted sadly. 

She felt bad because she knew she had to go, but didn’t tell Brenda soon enough, unlike other times where she just had trouble knowing she had to go before she got desperate. She felt guilty. 

“I’m sorry you have to help me so much. Sorry I can’t do things for myself.” Michaela apologized. She didn’t even feel like crying anymore. She just felt down and guilty. Hopefully her mom wouldn’t be upset with Michaela for wetting her pants again. 

[Ishigreensa]

Brenda shook her head and put her fingers to the girl's lips.

"Honey, I wasn't upset at needing to help you in any way.  I only suggested that you tell me sooner next time for your own well being, honey.  No one at your age wants to wait like that, sweetie."

She got her settled at the group table, and then pulled out a game.

It was at that moment, that someone knocked at her door.

"Hold on a minute, Michaela."

Brenda opened the door to find Imelda standing there at the door with tears in her eyes and a note for Brenda.

Brenda read the note briefly, and she sighed.

"Come in and sit at the table, Imelda.  I'm sure that you can both use a friend right now to help you each calm down."

Imelda walked over and sat down at the table and saw that Michaela's wheelchair and crutches were both missing.

"I thought you were absent today," Imelda whispered.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela kept her head down and silent. She was embarrassed and didn’t want to say anything. She just felt so down. She didn’t know why she couldn’t hold it. She usually could hold it longer than she did. And she didn’t know why she kept wetting the bed. 

She frowned when Imelda walked in. She sighed and stared at her lap. She didn’t want to talk to Imelda. It’s not that she didn’t like her or didn’t want to be her friend, just she knew she was on the verge of tears at any moment. She just wanted to be away from people! That’s why she was with Brenda. 

Michaela felt overwhelmed, unsure what to do. She couldn’t even move anywhere because she didn’t even have her wheelchair. She kept her head down, feeling tears in her eyes. She was stressed, tired, overhelmed, and incredible anxious. She just wanted to curl up and cry and maybe get a hug from Sonja, or even Brenda. 

[Ishigreensa]

Imelda saw her shaking a little bit and looking on the verge of tears.  She knew what that was like, and she wondered if Michaela wanted to be left alone or if she needed a hug.  She wanted to be her friend, but she really didn't know which direction was right.  Maybe if she did both, it might help?  But then again, it could make it a lot worse.  She sat there, nervously looking up at Michaela, wondering what she should do.

Brenda came over to the table, and she sat next to Michaela while she looked directly at Imelda.

"It seems you are both too upset to talk to each other," Brenda said aloud.  "MIchaela, will you be okay by yourself for a minute or two while I talk to Imelda, and then after I get her sorted, I'll come back and deal with you?  I think I can cancel one group meeting today."

 

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela nodded. She’d be fine without talking to anyone. She just wanted to not be seen like she was. She was a mess. She wasn’t ready to talk to Imelda or anyone else in the class. She was barely ok with talking to Brenda about what she had. 

She kept her head down. She didn’t know if she was supposed to stay at the table, or if she was going to get moved somewhere. She just knew she couldn’t get anywhere independently right now. The stupid office chair was impossible to maneuver because she couldn’t even reach the floor with her feet. At least she could move in her wheelchair. 

[Ishigreensa]

Brenda took Imelda outside of the office and talked with her for a few minutes, and then after she let Imelda go back to class, she went to the office to cancel her next meeting because something came up with Michaela that really needed her attention.

Of course, they let her take care of Michaela because her situation seemed more urgent at the moment.

Brenda finally came back in after twenty minutes and the she picked Michaela up and set her in her lap.

"We have a little time, now, honey.  So I'm not sure how you feel about this, but I think we should talk for a bit.  You must be feeling really alone and upset about how things have been going lately, but I want you to know that your mom, I, and your teacher are all here to help you."

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela fidgeted with the board game pieces Brenda had put out before Imelda came in while she waited. She hoped she wouldn’t be in trouble for not wanting to interact with Imelda. 

When Brenda came back in, Michaela was startled and quickly tried to put the pieces she was playing with back how they were, trying to avoid trouble. 

She frowned when Brenda started talking to her. She didn’t know what to do. She looked down at her lap and nodded. She did feel pretty alone, and she was so conflicted with everything. She didn’t like how she was now, but she couldn’t help it. 

“Everything is so hard. I don’t know what to do.” She said as tears rolled down her face. She didn’t really want to talk about specifics directly even though she really should. She probably would be able to open up a little if Brenda played with her or something, so Michaela wasn’t as intimidated and didn’t feel like she was talking about things. One thing was for sure, Michaela definitely needed some support and someone in her corner. 

[Ishigreensa]

Brenda nodded.

"Of course it's hard," she said.  "Things like moving and changes in the family are never easy.  You know, I think there was someone else who had similar problems...."

She got up putting Michaela back in the chair and went to the cupboard until she found her favorite counseling toy.  It was a redish-orange tiger with solid black stripes.  She put Tora on the table top.

"This is Tora," she told Michaela.  "Tora has a pretty good ear when you play with him."

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela frowned. She didn’t really like Brenda mentioning other kids with issues. It made her feel guilty, because everyone else in the groups seemed to be coping just fine and weren’t crying all the time. It made Michaela feel like a baby.

She looked at the tiger then back up at Brenda. She looked down at her lap silently. She didn’t want to play with some random stuffed animal. She didn’t even play with her stuffed animals. They were there for cuddles and decoration. If she was going to be helped by any stuffed animal, it would be her bear. She didn’t want to tell Brenda no, though. Even when she was upset, she knew not to say no to adults unless it’s a question. She sighed and looked at her lap. 

She didn’t really like sitting in the desk chair. She couldn’t move at all, and she felt lonely. Usually she would protest to being held by anyone, including her mother, but now, she missed being in Brenda’s lap, even if it was just for a short period of time. 

[Ishigreensa]

Brenda sat down next to her, and she thought a bit about how to get her to open up.  Perhaps she would talk to Tora if she could get her used to the animal somehow without making her feel like a little baby.  Michaela was at that age where transition to being a big girl was a big deal as well.  Some kids her age still played with stuffed animals, and others not so much.  It wasn't easy to figure out just where Michaela was on the spectrum.

Brenda thought a moment, and then she decided to play twenty questions to begin with.

"You know, there was something that children your age used to enjoy when I was young...," Brenda started out.  "We called it twenty questions.  Do you know that one?  Where you try to figure out what someone was thinking of by asking questions about it?  If you guess the object, but are wrong, then you are out, so you have to ask about the object first trying to get as many hints as you can before you try to guess what it is."

She smiled at Michaela.

"For example, there is something in this room that I'm thinking about.  So, you have to use your eyes and look around really well.  Then to see if I am thinking about that item, for example, the door is brown, so if you thought I was thinking door, then you could ask, is it brown?  I might say yes, but if I do say yes, then you should check the room for other brown things too, to make sure that you don't make a mistake and guess the wrong thing too quickly.  So you could also ask if the thing I'm thinking about goes out into the hall or Does it have a handle on it that turns?  Then I might answer yes or no.  Depending on my answer, you will then look around to see what else might be like that until you figure out what I'm thinking of.  Do you want to try it?"

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela nodded. She used to play twenty questions on long car rides. Her dad was always really good at it. She frowned a little. She missed her dad. 

“Um okay.” She squeaked when Brenda asked if she wanted to play. She didn’t want to be the one asking questions, but she guessed it wouldn’t be that bad. She wouldn’t have to talk that much that way. 

“Are you gonna ask the questions?” She asked quietly, trying to figure out something to use. 

[Ishigreensa]

"Well, do you want to think of the object or do you want me to?  I can do it either way you want."

Brenda smiled at her.

She wanted to make her as comfortable as she could because once she got her distracted in a game, she might get her to talk abit and open up about things.  She might even get her comfortable enough to meet a friend or two at lunch, if she was lucky.

[Shy-Diapers]

“I’ll think of the object.” Michaela said quietly. She thought for a moment and then decided on her bear. It was really the only thing she knew enough about to be able to concentrate on answering questions. 

She fidgeted a bit in her seat. She wasn’t used to sitting a padded chair for long periods of time. It wasn’t uncomfortable per-say, but she kind of missed her chair. She never thought she’d be thinking that. She missed the security and familiarity of her wheelchair. 

Michaela sighed and fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, swinging her legs a little. She could swing them and move them almost completely normally when she was sitting down, but her main issues were when they had to bear weight. 

[Ishigreensa]

Brenda nodded.

"Okay, the object something you use to study?" she asked.

She saw the girl swining her legs and smiled.  It was something little girls did sometimes when they were comfortable and happy, so Brenda hoped that meant she was comfortable.  She didn't know it was the opposite this time for this little girl.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela shook her head in response to Brenda’s question. “No, it’s not a subject.” She mumbled. 

Her leg swinging wasn’t a sign of her happiness, but rather her uncomfortableness. She was fidgeting uncomfortably. She didn’t like new environments and this was one of them. She swang her legs to kind of keep herself grounded, even if she didn’t know that was why. It helped her focus on something. She could focus on the feeling of her legs moving around without being sore or confined to her braces. 

[Ishigreensa]

Brenda put her finger to her mouth.

"Well, is it something that you use to write with?  Maybe on the blackboard or on paper?"

She ignored her swinging legs wanting her to think it was okay to be comfortable and to be a little kid while in her office.  There was really nothing wrong with her swingning her legs as far as Brenda knew.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela shook her head. She tried not to stare at her bear too much, not wanting to give it away to Brenda. She stared at her lap for a while. She tried not to let her mind wander to other things, but it wasn’t really possible to completely do that. 

She missed her parents, even if her mom was just simply not there right now. She missed her old house, and she missed her independence. And she certainly missed her not having frequent accidents!

[Ishigreensa]

Brenda looked around the room thinking.

"Is it something you read?" she asked.

She could see that the girl didn't exactly look happy even though they were playing the game, but then again, this wasn't the most exciting game to play.  She wasn't sure about whatelse the girl would want to play though.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela shook her head and sighed. This game was pretty boring, but she didn’t want to tell Brenda that. She fidgeted around with the board game pieces Brenda had left out before Imelda arrived. She wished she was playing that rather than 20 questions. At least board games gave her something to do rather than just say yes or no. But she didn’t want to be the one asking the questions, so she just decided to bare through it. 

[Ishigreensa]

Brenda saw her playing around with the piece to the board game she had gotten out earlier, but she didn't think Michaela would want to play that one.  She was just now getting her to talk much to her as it was, and that game required her to be a bit more chatty to answer the questions on each of the squares.  It was also better played if there were four players rather than two.

Brenda scratched her head.

"Is it something you play with?" she asked.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela sighed and shrugged. “I dunno. Kinda I guess.” She said softly. She wasn’t enjoying the game of twenty questions at all. She set the pieces aside and folded her arms on the table, resting her head on them while still looking at Brenda, but still avoiding eye contact.

She didn’t want Brenda to get mad if she said she didn’t want to play the game anymore, so Michaela figured she had to just push through. Hopefully she’d get it eventually. She sort of wished she was in class. But that was just so she wasn’t bored. 

[Ishigreensa]

Brenda saw that Michaela was not having any fun, so she stopped asking.

"Michaela, you're not having any fun, are you?  I don't know, maybe I should go get a classmate for you to play with.  I really think you'd have a much better time with a friend, and I'm pretty sure you and Imelda were getting along pretty well yesterday, weren't you?  Would it be okay if got Imelda to play with you?"

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela sat back up when Brenda asked if she was having fun. She looked down at her lap and shook her head. “I’m sorry.” She said quietly. 

When Brends mentioned bringing a classmate in, Michaela frowned and shook her head, her eyes widening. She was too embarrassed to be seen so upset. She was still on a hair trigger. She felt tears well up in her eyes when Brenda mentioned Imelda. She didn’t want the one person she was getting along with at school to see her so upset and babyish in Michaela’s opinion. She cared about what Imelda thought of her and didn’t want to be seen crying or on the verge of that. 

“I’m sorry Ms. Brenda. I can pretend to have fun instead.” She said sincerely. She didn’t want Brenda to be upset with her. 

[Ishigreensa]

Brenda shook her head.

"I don't want you to lie about having fun," she said.  "It would serve no purpose, honey.  Why don't you want Imelda to come and talk to you?  Are you afraid of what she mgiht think?"

She thought a minute.

"I know... maybe a computer game might help cheer you up.  The computer lab should be a safe place to go for now, and I know it won't let you get to sites you shouldn't be on, so I think you can find a game you'd like there, and maybe you can show me what you are doing and talk about it some.  The main point is getting you communicating again, honey.  I mean, in a healthy way."

She stood up to go to the back of Michaela's chair to push her to the computer lab.

[Shy-Diapers]

“I’m sorry.” Michaela said guiltily. She felt bad. She just wanted to do what people wanted her to do. 

She sighed and looked down. “I wanna cry a lot. I keep starting to cry.” She said, her voice cracking as she started to cry. “I don’t want people in my class to see. Especially Imelda! She’s the one person that started to like me. I don’t want anyone seeing me. You said I didn’t have to go to class!” She said, big tears running down her face. She was really upset inside. “I didn’t even wanna come to school!” She insisted. She was on the verge of sobbing. She didn’t even know why at this point. 

She was too distracted to hear what Brenda said about the computer lab. She tried to scoot herself to the table she was at before she wet her pants so she could grab her bear. She was desperate for comfort and security. She wasn’t having much success though, since she couldn’t reach the ground and there wasn’t much around to push off of.