Sonya and Michaela Starting Over

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela was snapped out of her thoughts when Robert started talking to her. She took a minute before realizing what he said. 

She looked kind of excited for ice cream, but looked over where Brenda and Sonja had went to talk privately. She wasn’t sure if her mother would want her to have dessert with the nice people too. She felt conflicted. She really wanted to have ice cream, it had been so long since she did, but she didn’t want to make her mother upset. 

[Ishigreensa]

Robert smiled at her.

"It's okay, honey.  I'm sure your mommy wants you to have dessert."

Robert wasn't sure, but it did look like she was having trouble either with talking or with deciding.

He got up and went to get the ice cream.

 

By the time he came back to dish it out, Brenda and Sonja returned to the table.

"Oh, look honey.  It looks like they want to give you some ice cream.  Go ahead and show them that you are grateful for it, and then we'll go home.  Brenda has set it up to pick us up in the morning because mommy had to tell her your secret, and we've decided it would be better if you went to school clean tomorrow morning, okay?"

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela looked unsure when Robert said Sonja would like her to have some. She didn’t want to make anyone upset, so she just stayed still and silent, staring at her mother. 

She smiled a little when she got permission to have the ice cream. “Thank you.” She squeaked quietly, feeling shy still, but not wanting to be rude to the nice man who was giving it to her. 

She started to eat, trying not to eat too fast in order to avoid a brain freeze. She turned red again when Sonja mentioned her secret. Now she was even more embarrassed. She wanted to cry again. She felt tears well up in her eyes and put her spoon down. She was just so embarrassed and felt so humiliated. It was hard enough for the poor girl that all of this was happening, but now Brenda, the one person Michaela felt ok with at school was finding out all of her embarrassing secrets. 

She wanted to go home. Not even home really, she just wanted to go anywhere that she wouldn’t be continually embarrassed. 

[Ishigreensa]

Brenda squatted down next to her and she smiled.

"Honey, I want you to know, that a lot of kids at nine, ten, and eleven years of age wet the bed.  It's not such a bad secret, honey.  It's just private, and normally, I'm sure mommy would have kept it private, but we decided that you really should take a bath in the morning.  Besides, I did already see your bed, so I already sort of knew about it, honey.  Remember, we had to get your clothes to wash so I went in with your mom to help her gather them up."

She patted her shoulder.

"Don't think too much about it.  Just because you have an accident or two, that isn't who you are, honey.  You are a big girl with dreams, some that you might already know, and many that you haven't realized yet.  That is who you really are, okay?"

Sonja smiled and nodded at what Brenda said.  She wanted to comfort her little girl, but she was uncertain what would be best for Michaela at the moment.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela felt tears run down her small face. Everything was so hard for her. She was still too young to really understand why her mother had to do things like this even when they embarrassed her so much and hurt her feelings. She was only 8, and most kids her age didn’t understand similar concepts either. 

She pushed Brenda’s hand away when she tried to pat her shoulder. She didn’t want anyone touching her right now. She was humiliated and deeply hurt. Normally, it probably wouldn’t have been such a big deal, but the day had been so rough for Michaela, that she couldn’t take it anymore. 

She shoved the bowl of ice cream away, getting off of the dining room chair. Since her crutches weren’t nearby, Michaela had to rely on using other things for support. She used the table to slowly and painfully walk to her chair parked nearby. She was determined to do it on her own. 

She climbed into her chair with a lot of struggle, and probably too much muscle strain all at once. Once in the chair, she rolled herself to the far end of the room, parking herself in a corner and silently crying, hugging her knees to her chest in her wheelchair. 

She just couldn’t understand why her mother and Brenda were trying to embarrass her and hurt her feelings so much. She didn’t understand the overall picture. She just knew how she felt, and that was all. 

[Ishigreensa]

Brenda and Sonja sighed and let her cry it out for now.  There was no point in making her talk before she was ready, and Sonja wasn't so sure she was going to be ready to talk anyway.  She figured, if anything, she would just need to be cuddled a little later, and when she was ready, she would ask why mommy had embarrassed her like that, and only then, would she be able to explain what was needed and why.  Until then, she just needed some understanding and some space.

Brenda wondered if wearing diapers to bed might help her so that she could hide her bedwetting easier, and so that she wouldn't be as dirty when she woke up, but it wasn't her place to say anything like that, and Sonja didn't think of that because diapers costed money, money that they didn't have at the moment.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela’s silent cries were soon audible. She was in pain on top of being humiliated. She knew she shouldn’t have pushed her body as much as she did. She knew better than to try and walk without her braces or crutches outside of physical therapy. But she just needed to get away so badly that she didn’t care. 

She was in a lot of pain after the long day and she was so humiliated. She wanted to kick and throw things like a normal kid, but she instead was turning inwards. That was a major change after her father’s death. Michaela used to react very outward before, expressing all her feelings. But now, she seemed to be quiet and never say anything about how she felt. She was sort of self destructing in a way. 

[Ishigreensa]

After Sonja heard her daugter cry out a little, she went over to her and she squatted down by her.

"Honey, do you want to just go home so we can calm down?" she asked. "I'm sorry I had to talk with Brenda about your problems, but she already knew, and we can talk about it later if you rather.  I won't make you talk about it right now if you are too hurt about it."

She tried to rest a hand on her shoulder to see if it was okay to touch her yet, or if she was still too upset to do so.

[Shy-Diapers]

“I just wanna go!” Michaela cried, her voice raw and shaky. She was so embarrassed and hurt. 

When Sonja tried to rest a hand on her, Michaela shrugged it off kind of aggressively. She was not in the mood to be touched right now. She felt like her mother had betrayed her trust in a way, telling someone who was almost a stranger, all her secrets and her most embarrassing ones too. 

“I want to leave!” She insisted, wanting to scream. She was really hurting. 

[Ishigreensa]

Sonja nodded and started to push her chair.

"I think we can catch a bus home," she told Brenda.

"But I'd really like to take...."

"I think for now, it would be best if we go alone.  We have to come back tomorrow, so we can get our clothes then, right?"

Brenda nodded.

Sonja made sure to bring a change of clothes for her daughter the next morning and for herself because she doubted her daughter would want to leave the house all wet just to go to Brenda's for a bath.

 

They walked for a while and found a bus stop.

"I know all this is hard, honey," Sonja told her.  She waited though, making sure it was okay to talk about it, or seeing if her little princess needed some more time.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela stayed silent, hugging her knees and almost laying in her chair. She was still a little girl, even though she tried to act big and had to be big most of the time. 

She didn’t want to talk to anyone. She just wanted to hide under a blanket with her stuffed animal and blanket. She even wanted to suck her thumb, something she’d stopped doing when she was 5. She did it consistently until 4, but slowly stopped until she was 5. She would do it occasionally during moments of high stress or pain, but it had been so long since she last did it. She felt embarrassed just thinking about wanting to. 

[Ishigreensa]

Sonja took her silence as an answer about whether to talk to her or not, so she kept silent until the bus got there, they were on the bus, and then they were being dropped off again.

She wished that her husband was still there, and that they still had everything that her daughter needed along with crutches and braces that actually fit her.  She wished that her daughter could stop wetting her bed then she wouldn't be in this situation where Brenda had already figured it out even before Sonja had shown her the room or said anything about it after she had seen the wet bed.  Everything was so hard now.

Finally, they were walking into the house, and Sonja wheeled her child to near the bed.

"Do you want to get into bed by yourself?" she asked her.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela nodded and climbed into bed. She took off the pants from the nurse and covered herself with the blanket. She hid under there with her stuffed bear and blanket. She covered her head up and curled up into a ball. She put her thumb in her mouth and started crying again. She just wanted to feel better. Why couldn’t she just be a normal kid again?

It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep. By the time Sonja went to check on her, or go to bed herself, Michaela was already asleep under the blanket, her face red with tear stains and still sucking her thumb. She’d had such a hard day. 

[Ishigreensa]

Sonja smiled at her little girl and made sure she was covered up.  She knew that she had had a hard day, and she hoped the next day would be easier on her.

Eventually, she went to sleep as well.

The next morning, she climbed out of bed, and started to get things ready for Michaela to wake up.

[Shy-Diapers]

The next morning, Michaela woke up soaked as usual. She didn’t sleep that well, waking up periodically throughout the night from nightmares. 

She had dark circles under her eyes and her eyes were still red from all the crying she did the day before. When she noticed she was wet, she felt ashamed and guilty again. She threw one of the pillows from the bed at the wall with a grunt. She cried and hugged her teddy bear. 

When Sonja eventually came over, Michaela looked over at her. “Momma do I have to go to school?” She asked sadly. 

[Ishigreensa]

Sonja frowned and nodded.

"I can't find a job if you are at home because I have to stay with you.  If I don't find a job soon, honey, things will get worse for us.  We were lucky that Brenda wants to help us rather than try to report me for neglect.  If I don't at least try, then it is her job to report us for not having a good living condition, honey."

She started to help her daughter get out of bed and to a chair where she could help her get her wet panties off and put clean ones on her.  She didn't want to put her daughter in her regular chair with wet panties on because that would defeat the purpose of having clean panties.

When she got her wet panties off of her, she pulled the clean ones up her legs just high enough she could reach them when she got her daughter up again, and then she sat her daughter while pulling her clean panties up into the nice dry chair.  Then she she got her pants handed them to her so she could put them on as much as she could by herself, where Sonja would just helpd her get them around her bottom at the last.  Then she took off her wet shirt and undershirt and gave her clean shirts to put on.

"There we are," she said.  "Now, Brenda should be here any time to take us to her place to get you a bath, okay?"

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela frowned. She looked so sad still. She didn’t feel that good after all the crying and nightmares. Her head hurt and so did her stomach. She wasn’t really sick, just she had been sobbing and didn’t sleep well. 

She grabbed her stuffed bear and held it to her chest as tight as she could. She didn’t care at this point if Brenda knew she needed a stuffed animal. Her mother already told her just about everything else about the girl’s embarrassing secrets, at least that’s how Michaela saw it. 

[Ishigreensa]

Sonja saw how upset she was, and she really wished there was something she could do for her daughter.  Making her go to school seemed so cruel, but they needed money.  She couldn't ignore her responsibilities.  What should she do?

Eventually, the doorbell rang, and Sonja stood up and walked over to the door to answer it.

"Michaela isn't feel that great," she said.  "I'm not really sure she should go to school today."

"Can I talk with her?"

"I guess so.  It's not like she has a cold or anything like that...."

Brenda came over and squatted down by her chair.

"You're upset about yesterday, aren't you?" Brenda asked her.  "But if you come to school with me, I can make you a deal.  You won't have to go to class all day unless you want to.  I'll just keep you in the resource room with me today.  How would that be?"

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela nodded. She had dark circles under her eyes from not sleeping well. She rubbed her eyes and held her bear close. 

“Promise I don’t hafta go to class?” She mumbled. She really wanted to stay with Sonja all day, but she’d take whatever she could get. Not having to go to class was better than having to go. She didn’t hate her new school, but she was upset and still adjusting. Things were still extremely hard on her. 

[Ishigreensa]

"Yes, I promise.  I won't even make you go to class all week as long as you come to school, and you try to do some of the work.  I'll get the stuff from your teacher, okay?  But if you feel up to it, I would like you to meet with Imelda once or twice a day so you will have a friend when you do go back to class."

She smiled at her.

"How is that?  I won't make you meet Imelda though until you are feeling better and not about to cry, okay?"

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela nodded. That did sound pretty nice. “Okay. I like that.” She said quietly. She rubbed her eyes again and hugged her knees to her chest. She felt kind of cold, but didn’t want to speak up. It was becoming winter soon, and Michaela’s coat from last winter would be way too small for her. Her thin jackets and sweatshirts would fit, but they’d only do for so long. Soon Michaela would need a real coat. Hopefully though, Sonja would be working by then. 

“Can we go take a bath now?” She asked hopefully. She just wanted to feel clean. “I feel yucky and gross. I wanna be clean.”

[Ishigreensa]

"Oh course, honey," Brenda said pushing her chair out to the car for her.  

Meanwhile, Sonja saw that Brenda had already taken over the the clothes that were now clean for them and put them in the kitchen for her to sort later.

The next minute, everyone was in the car on the way to Brenda's house.

"My family has already taken our baths, so I'll let you and Michaela have the bathroom when we get home.  My husband will be leaving for work when we get back, and I'll drop my child off at day care... wait a minute.  You need some work, right?"

Sonja nodded.

"How would you like to wach my child for me today, and I'll pay you for it.  That would help me, out, too."

"Sure...."

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela stayed pretty quiet in the car, holding her bear and kind of looking out the window. She was exhausted. Crying and walking with no support took so much energy out of her. 

“Momma?” She asked eventually, unable to take the pain in her legs and hips. “I’m hurting.” She whimpered, her lip sticking out in an unintentional pout. “Do we have any medicine still?” She asked hopefully. She usually didn’t ask for medicine because of how her mother felt about it, but she really needed it. 

[Ishigreensa]

Sonja sighed.

"I left the medicine at home, honey.  We'll have to come back home to get it."

Brenda frowned.

"What kind of medicine is it?  Maybe I can help?"

Sonja described what she gave her, and then Brenda nodded.  "Actually, I think I have something like that at home.  I'll have to check it though to make sure it's okay for children."

Sonja nodded.

[Shy-Diapers]

Michaela frowned hearing that they didn’t have anything. She was in a lot of pain and she wasn’t usually one to complain. 

She was relieved though that Brenda had something for her to take. “Thank you.” She said, wanting to make sure her mom and Brenda knew that she was grateful and not just whining. 

When they got to Brenda’s house, Michaela let Sonja get her in her chair and into the house. “I don’t wanna walk momma. My legs hurt too much.” She grumbled a little, not really caring if she stayed in her chair or if Sonja carried her to get to the bathroom.