Unsolicited Private Messages From Newbies

[DollyDiaper]

In the last week or so, I've noticed a marked increase in the number of random PM's that I've been receiving from new members who have barely set foot on the board! No fewer than 5 in the last week alone, and I know I'm not the only one this is happening to.

I'd like to say here, that although I don't believe I'm unfriendly (as I was accused of by one repeat PM-er) I find these random intrusions very rude and I won't be responding to any new members who PM me out of the blue.

I'm particularly irritated by the crass rudeness of one-liners such as "Wanna chat", "Hello, my IM is - -" and "A/S/L" etc. This subject has been raised a number of times here, but I guess the new members who PM as soon as they get through the door haven't seen those topics yet.

As I said, I know others have been experiencing the same problem and I'm not alone in this.

Dolly

[Guest]

In the last week or so, I've noticed a marked increase in the number of random PM's that I've been receiving from new members who have barely set foot on the board! No fewer than 5 in the last week alone, and I know I'm not the only one this is happening to.

I'd like to say here, that although I don't believe I'm unfriendly (as I was accused of by one repeat PM-er) I find these random intrusions very rude and I won't be responding to any new members who PM me out of the blue.

I'm particularly irritated by the crass rudeness of one-liners such as "Wanna chat", "Hello, my IM is - -" and "A/S/L" etc. This subject has been raised a number of times here, but I guess the new members who PM as soon as they get through the door haven't seen those topics yet.

As I said, I know others have been experiencing the same problem and I'm not alone in this.

Dolly

I equate PMs to people walking up to me and starting a conversation. A/S/L is rude, but "Hi, my name is..." isn't.

I don't see why people have such an issue with, I've never had a problem.

[Sunshine2585]

In the last week or so, I've noticed a marked increase in the number of random PM's that I've been receiving from new members who have barely set foot on the board! No fewer than 5 in the last week alone, and I know I'm not the only one this is happening to.

I'd like to say here, that although I don't believe I'm unfriendly (as I was accused of by one repeat PM-er) I find these random intrusions very rude and I won't be responding to any new members who PM me out of the blue.

I'm particularly irritated by the crass rudeness of one-liners such as "Wanna chat", "Hello, my IM is - -" and "A/S/L" etc. This subject has been raised a number of times here, but I guess the new members who PM as soon as they get through the door haven't seen those topics yet.

As I said, I know others have been experiencing the same problem and I'm not alone in this.

Dolly

I totally agree with you Dolly. What I find especially annoying is the ones you have mentioned. Where they haven't even used your name in the PM, because they are sending it to multiple people at the same time.

I am not going to be responding to anymore either Dolly. Not after I replied to one person. He was clearly looking for straight women to be friends with. So I thought I would save him a bit of time and let him know that I was gay. He very quickly replied saying that I was a snob and only wanted to be friends with people who would hide the fact that they were straight.

And Diapered Witch, sending PM's like this is kinda like someone on the street walking up to everyone else on that same street and saying 'Hi, want to be friends with me?' but then not saying anything else. Then attacking you when you try and ask why they want to be friends with you. That may be the sort of thing that you don't mind, but I know I would really mind it if it was happening in real life.

EDIT: I would also like to add in, Diapered Witch, you are listed on your profile as a boy. So therefore when these type of newbies are going through the member list looking for the females to PM, you will be left out. So I would think that you aren't getting these types of messages. Or even if you are getting these types of messages, I can't imagine that you would be getting them as frequently as the female members of the board.

[Red Barchetta]

I equate PMs to people walking up to me and starting a conversation. A/S/L is rude, but "Hi, my name is..." isn't.

I don't see why people have such an issue with, I've never had a problem.

That depends - once o.k. - but when you are trying to read posts, so don't answer right away, then a get another PM from the same person.....

Just recently I got something like 6-8 (unsure of the exact number) PMs from the same person within 1 hour, and had not been in any sort of private conversation with them! - I didn't mark it as such, but after the first 3 (first two I just happened to be in the middle of something) - I just figured it was spam, so disregarded them.

[jenniebear]

i agree...for some reason the pm's have been fast and furious this week...

and while i also agree with diapered witch that when you are in the chat room...it is sort of like being in a social type venue where you might expect the occasional "stupid come on" line or an out of the blue "hi...my name is..."...i expect that sort of thing and will just ignore even the most repetitive or demanding pm'er....

however....i do not think it's polite to come knocking on my yahoo door...uninvited.....obviously not "well read up on my profile"...and asking me repeatedly when i choose to not respond..."are you there"..."can we talk"...or "messy_diaperboy2003 would like to add you as a friend to their messenger list..."....forget it...if i don't know you......you are not going to be added.......and if you dare buzz me.......you are on automatic ignore.....

you have no idea what i am doing on my side of the computer screen at that point in my life...i may be sharing a private conversation with someone...playing a computer game....working on school work or completing a task for work.....

i also agree that those who are pming every name in the room with the same "mass cut and paste" message....are really boring and a huge turn off.....it's like watching the drunk guy at the party proposition everyone in the room including the floor lamp with the same line and no sincerity attached to him at all.....

So what would i suggest as an alternative to a pm when you really have interest in someone?.......well first of all the obvious ...when you are in chat is just talk to that person in the room.......get to know them.......ask them questions about other things besides diapers.....be sincere....girls...as well as guys...want to feel special.......believe me there is nothing special in "hi...are you in a wet diaper?"...

diapers may be something we all share an interest in... i think that is probably a given here...but we are also all unique individuals and wish to be recognized as such....

maybe there is someone on the forum who has inspired you...and you are just are dying to make contact..........for me i would not be offended by a message sent here at DD.......a message that has a bit of integrity..(likin' that word today.... )....read the persons profile...maybe there is something there you share an interest in........or maybe you agree with something they've said in a post........or if nothing else.........be creative...find a way to show what has drawn you to them to begin with.........

because...if you can't find a way to catch my attention......chances are...

no...i am not in a diaper right now...

no...i am not wet...

no...i definitely do not want to change someones diaper for whom i've never spoken to before...neither online nor in real life...

and yes...i am a girl...but you have just blown any chance of getting to know me because you couldn't think of anything more creative way to introduce yourself then by asking for my gender....

[Red Barchetta]

i agree...for some reason the pm's have been fast and furious this week...

and while i also agree with diapered witch that when you are in the chat room...it is sort of like being in a social type venue where you might expect the occasional "stupid come on" line or an out of the blue "hi...my name is..."...i expect that sort of thing and will just ignore even the most repetitive or demanding pm'er....

Ah, when I got all those PMs from the same person - I WAS NOT in the chat room, just going through the forum.

[jenniebear]

Red...that would definitely fall under the catagory of "more then annoying" with me also!.......if i don't respond right away......its not going to get any better by multiple pm's............either i am busy and will get back to you...........or..............i am just not interested in you.......and instead of pointing that out .......i am choosing to politely ignore your unwelcome interruption into my sometimes hectic..or busy...or complicated life.........

i really am not much of a pm'er period...even with people i know or am friends with.......i enjoy chat...it's why i venture into the room.......and i find most private im's tedious and distracting.......

[Morv]

I equate PMs to people walking up to me and starting a conversation. A/S/L is rude, but "Hi, my name is..." isn't.

I don't see why people have such an issue with, I've never had a problem.

Oh, good. I was starting to get worried, but it turns out in real life that I just walk up to random strangers on the street and say, "Hi, my name is Darren, and my penis is enormous."

I'm just glad I don't have to stop using that line. I didn't find it particularly successfull, but it seeing it typed so many times sure gives a warm cozy feeling of confidence.

[DollyDiaper]

jenniebear and Morv, thank you both for making me giggle. It's a serious subject, and I do take it seriously accordingly, but sometimes if I didn't laugh, I'd cry.....

I just got another PM from someone I've never heard of before. It's from a new member who shall remain nameless, as I'm not in the Name & Shame lobby - something which in my experience is often motivated by an element of spite and is often counter-productive anyway.

I just thought it might serve as a good example of the kind of PM's that are turning up in my inbox with increasing regularity. So here it is, complete with emotive Subject line:-

Lonely

"Hey. I just went out and bought some diapers, and I'm kind of bored, and by myself. Want to chat?"

The subject line initially made me gulp but as I've already said, I shan't be answering any unsolicited PM's from newbies that I haven't 'met'.

And thanks for the replies and thus the support we're sharing on this thread. It hasn't achieved it's main aim so far, as witnessed by the PM above, but we live in hope!

Dolly

[diaprbayb]

Oh, good. I was starting to get worried, but it turns out in real life that I just walk up to random strangers on the street and say, "Hi, my name is Darren, and my penis is enormous."

that was you?

[jenniebear]

*looks at Morv with new interest...*

lol diaprbayb

[Gennie]

Fortunately for me, I don't get PMs in here, except for a couple of people who are concerned for me. For those, they already know me, at least somewhat, and I have no objection to that.

Unsolicited PMs, usually in chat, for me, are a total turn off. Needless to say, I've made it quite clear to many people that PMing me is not the way to get on my good side.

Witch, I often equate unsolicited PMs not as a chance at conversation, but more akin to the homeless alcoholic or drug addict coming up to me and asking for change, or money, or something. Most of them lie to you, you know they're lying, and they know you know they're lying, but still do it. At least one guy in Seattle is at least straightforward about it, he says I want money to buy booze. I think he has the highest results.

If someone PMs me and says "Hey, I see you have a girls name, so there's probably two of you, and I want to have sex with her, or at least have sex fantasizing about her." then I'll at least be aware of where he's coming from. I rarely ever get PM'd by a girl, although it has happened. But, the unsolicited, or uninvited PMs in chat just annoy the hell out of me. Most times, I'm chatting with others, and it's obvious I'm chatting with others, and someone interrupts me with a PM.

To me, that's like I'm in the middle of a conversation, and someone butts in and says "I'm more important then they are, talk to me, tell me how old you are, where you live, and what sex you are, and oh, by the way, I"m wearing a wet and messy diaper, and I want you to change it for me.' No! It's rude, and we've allowed people to get away without manners for so long that we've actually come to believe that it's alright. It isn't.

To me, this whole thing is just further proof of a dead and rotting society.

Gary

[Acecool]

I think we need to weed these people out...

We are trying to support a friendly environment where people with the same issues or interests can have a safe place to come and talk about everyday life.

[Guest diamondback688]

i agree with that...we really need to weed all of the morons out...

[DollyDiaper]

I think we need to weed these people out...

i agree with that...we really need to weed all of the morons out...

Whilst I can understand why you're both advocating that, and I've also felt the same knee-jerk reaction each time I get yet another unsolicited PM, I'm voting against your motion.

In my view, that would just be moving the problem on somewhere else.

Surely it would be better to welcome them on the Boards or in the Chatroom (initially) and be a part of their education? If they refuse to learn and continue to be a nuisance, then I'd definitely go with your plan Acecool and db.

D lly

[jenniebear]

i agree with Dolly on this....in that i don't think removing these people would be the correct move either.....

i know for a FACT that a few of our most respected and loved community members started in this way....hormones...youth...overeagerness...and just new to being online....

people often don't know chat ettiquete when they first come to the online community......many are just eager to meet someone and don't know that it's a social no no to pop into your screen unsolicited...others do it.....i'm sure it happens to them also....

and not everyone is as socially adept at integrating themselves into a group situation....but it doesn't often mean that they do not have anything to add...

i feel we need to continue to lead by example...the best way to teach someone something is to model for them......i know it requires patience but all of us were new at one time.....and while we each have a different style and skill at joining in.......i think we'd definitely be limiting ourselves..............and we do have tools for those who are overly annoying to us.....

there is an ignore button of course..

and i'm not one for outing anyone in the room either like Dolly said...i'm not into the "Name and Shame" game.......but occasionally if someone is particularly harrassing in the room i might give a little example of an appropriate way to pm someone...suggesting that the person pming me might expect a better response by speaking to me in the room ...guess what...9 times out of 10 that works......or if it doesn't work i just minimize their window..(i don't use sounds so that helps too) and ignore them........

[Gennie]

Of course, I don't advocate 'getting rid of them,' either, as when one leaves, another replace them. The line is long, and seemingly endless.

In open chat, I'll go ahead and usually very nicely, try to explain to them, in open chat, that what they've done is unacceptable and by the vast majority, undesired. Then, I'll go ahead and explain that joining in a conversation is as easy as posting.

About half the time, they leave, and the other half of the time they say 'I'm sorry, I didn't know that.' and often times continue to post here and become a nice person.

Gary

[Guest]

So let's say I see somebody in a message board that interests me, and I honestly just want to be friends. How the fuck am I supposed to start a conversation? I'm not about to start a message board thread aimed at one person.

This is what drives me nuts about people. "Let's have a community, but don't message me unless we've messaged before" Makes no sense.

I mean, I agree that all the people wondering around looking for sexual chat with people they've never spoken to before is not cool, but you can't go ignoring EVERYONE. I, for example, have no interest in sexual chat, how soggy your diaper is, or how big your tits are. I've got a diaper and girlfriend of my own to be satisfied with.

[Sunshine2585]

Diapered Witch, that isn't what this thread is about. If you read it, people are complaining about the PM's from people who haven't posted at all, and send out messages to entire groups of people. And usually it is just one line.

For me, if someone genuinely wants to talk to me, then I would want to know why. A message saying 'Hi, want to be friends' isn't going to get any response from me. There is nothing in there to base any sort of friendship off. A message which says 'Hi Sunshine, I just wanted to say that I saw that post you made about.... and I thought it was really interesting' or something similar will get my attention, and I will respond.

Someone on another site did this. He hadn't posted on the board before, but he saw one of my posts and realised we had something in common. So he PMed me. And that was right back at the beginning of September and we talk practically every day still.

[Repaid1]

Seriously, Sunshine and Dolly my love's (said as friends)

I get where your coming from. You don't deserve as a female to be harrassed. (hey Sunshine..when you say Gay does that mean "happy" J/K)

I think.. for a second.. I have found that the younger group that..has just discovered their not "alone" Might be reaching out a tad bit more than we are used to be. I'm not sticking up for them in no means..Sunshine you know.. they are starting to peeve me off in the boards, you too Dolly!.. But I think they need to be set straight from the "get go" from what you have said some understand, some don't.

I think that because of their ignorence..does'nt make them all bad.

We can figure this out logically..and we will, this is our house..and we plan on keeping it that way.

Do what you gal's need to do. But I think We need a new forum.. somehow that states, read this or go no further. I know it's a strain for D-D but like you said it's getting worse.

Newbies need to learn the rules.. I did..you did..and so should they. Disrespectfull is not to be tollerated. Oh and this wasn't a slam on ya younger guys, but I bet, we have been there, done it and done it again, before ya ever thought of it.. and now we are successful at it.. love ya guys/Gals..let's get along.. this is the best site.. think before ya post.. make friends, and remember..Friends are more important..than anything else. Cause if you don't have anything.. Friends will show you that you do..

(Side note: Ya me and my Mommy/Wife just had our first fight...no biggy just the first..of many I'm sure. Better go.. se ya.

[:gremlin]

this is the right way to start a PM. ask first in open chat. 9 times out of 10 you will be able to pm with the person.

the big hint here is to ask in open chat first.

for those that send out Pm's with out asking, you will most likely get a ear full.

[Guest]

this is the right way to start a PM. ask first in open chat. 9 times out of 10 you will be able to pm with the person.

the big hint here is to ask in open chat first.

for those that send out Pm's with out asking, you will most likely get a ear full.

I rarely go in chat, I usually message from the boards.

I miss the days when the internet was fun, and people didn't yell at people for chatting in a community both parties joined of their own free will.

[Acecool]

Ok, Ill change my motion and agree with Dolly, Lets educate them how to be respectful of others.

[Guest diamondback688]

same here...

[dpr13ca]

I agree that educating them is better than banning,we need to understand they may have their heads somewhere else at the moment and just need to learn the rules.if they still dont learn then take action,no one needs to be harrassed