Life Without Margin, Fast-tracking On Cruise Control

[turtlepins]

Books, scrolls, papyri, codex, legal pads, college ruled paper; all have one thing in common. Margins. A margin is an empty space surrounding the written word. Imagine purchasing a paperback book where every page was written without margins. Words began at the very top of the page and spread across and down, filling up every space. That would be difficult to read!

Margin is a simple concept that can also be applied to life. Dr. Richard Jensen, noted author and speaker, wrote a book on the subject. Margin is a treatise on principles for a balanced and healthy life. Dr. Jensen points out that American culture, and especially family relationships, suffer from the lack of margin.

I live in southern California, sixty miles north of Los Angeles, in the San Gabriel Mountains, very close to where they join the Tehachapi mountain range, and the San Rafael mountain range, at the western edge of the high desert. My best friend lives in Clovis, nearly a hundred and sixty-five miles north.

There are several routes I can take to get to Clovis. Taking the 5 Freeway to the 99 Freeway is the quickest route. That’s how most people who live here would go. Once on the freeway we tend to set our cruise control to keep up with traffic, speeding along at seventy-five to eighty-five miles per hour. In a little less than three hours the trip is complete.

I could drive up through Tehachapi, catch the 58 over to Bakersfield, then take Route 65 north to Route 63, then turn east on Route 198 to Clovis. Most of that route is two-lane highway and the drive adds at least an hour or more. I can still use cruise control, but the pace is slower and there are small towns and cities where speed limits change.

My favorite is the third route, driving the back roads up through Tehachapi, catching the 58 east to the Caliente exit, and driving north through Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Parks, to the 198, turning east to Clovis. This drive takes a minimum of 8 hours and longer if we want to stop and admire one of the many beautiful views.

We have a tendency to live our lives without margin, on cruise control, keeping up with everyone around us. There’s no time to take a leisurely trip. Our work schedules wear us out. Never before have Americans been expected to work as many hours as the present day. Activities fill every moment of our days so that many families no longer sit down to breakfast together, or dinner together. Every moment of our lives seems to be filled with activity.

Some activities are healthy. Many are not. Dr. Jenson expresses concern about the amount of families who eat out, rarely, if ever, exercise, and spend their lives in the fast lane on cruise control.

Until we moved to California I lived within walking distance of my office, and my wife within five minutes driving distance to work. Now, as an elementary school principal she drives 45 minutes to get to her school, leaving at 5:45 a.m. to return home twelve to fifteen hours later, depending on the day and evening meetings with the school board or with PTA.

I have friends who think nothing of driving two to three hours one way to get to work each day. We consider ourselves fortunate. However, the hours expected of a principal are absurd! Fortunately, our children are all grown and out of the house now. When they were with us we ate breakfast together, and dinner together every day, even when my sons were in high school and playing football or running cross-country. Many families we know no longer enjoy that kind of lifestyle.

Why? Why are there children waiting for the school bus at 6:00 a.m. in California? Why do parents leave for work at 4:00 a.m.? Why do families eat at different times, usually unhealthy foods at fast food restaurants, and rarely gather around the kitchen or dining room table for a family meal? We are living our lives without margin, on cruise control, in the fast lane.

What are we missing? Too much that is of intrinsic value to family relationships. Relationships cannot be fast-tracked. To know someone intimately there needs to be face-to-face contact, talking, listening, time. Many families don’t have that kind of margin.

How many couples work so hard and such long hours that they simply have no energy to keep up their relationship, drift apart, and eventually lose that relationship? Too many children see one parent or the other for a few minutes drive to daycare, and then spend the evenings in front of the television, computer, or game-box because mom and dad are too tired to engage in meaningful time with them.

In the end, we all lose. Poor health, both mental and physical, is the result. Gangs are increasing in Southern California each year. Most of those gangs are formed in Junior High! When gangs seem like family, we know we’re in trouble! Families have difficulty relating to one another. Time is filled up with activity. Chaos reigns.

Some families are slowly realizing that the fast-track lifestyle of this culture is destructive. As the pendulum swings more will follow their example and simplify their lives. Don’t risk your health, the health of your relationship with your spouse or children by living life without margin, on cruise control.

Pack a picnic basket, take the top and doors off the Jeep, and take the scenic route. Stop along the way to enjoy what surrounds you. Don’t forget the diaper bag! Laugh and play together and stop just to stretch your legs. Take walks with your spouse, hold his or her hand, and talk. Instead of eating out, MacStay at home!

[Incomplete Dude]

I think it's because society pressures people so much, they lose sight of their own emotional needs, to the point that they are chronically unaware. Moreover, they then internalize those pressures, and put them on themselves, reinforcing and perpetuating the problem. Thus, they never take enough time for themselves, because they don't even realize they need it. Instead, they take some pills for the insomnia, heart-burn, etc... What's worse, is that when you are unaware of how you feel, you become crippled when it comes to sensing and dealing with other people's feelings. Without having empathy with yourself, your empathy with others degrades, compassion and cooperation fade, and society crumbles.

Of course, this is a generalization, and certainly very few people are entirely unaware, but many are like this too much, at least in North America.