How Old Are You Really?

[WiiBaby]

I was curious, because several years ago, I realized that I don't feel my age. I've always felt like I'm 7 or 8. I noticed that if it wasn't completely strange, I'd love to play on the play-ground, mabye some tag, hide-and-go-seek, kickball, etc. I've always tried to hide it, but when I was around 16, my friend's 10 year-old sister always wanted to play with me, and I'd always give in. The last day before he moved, his mom asked if I'd miss him, to which I replied "Yeah, I guess " Then she said "No, I bet you'd miss his sister the most, eh?" I was dumbstruck. Everyone laughed, and my friend casually called me a homo, then he pointed out all the time I'd spent playing with her. Since then, I've always wondered if I should feel that way. Was I wierd, does everyone else feel their age?

...Thus leading up to the question... How old do you feel inside, aside from the AB/DL aspect?

--Brandon

[Incomplete Dude]

I would say that I vacillate between feeling 5 and 500. It's kind of strange. Sometimes I'm sure I can solve all the world's problems, and sometimes I feel like a child in a world of unknowns.

At my current condition, I would say, 20 declining to 7 shortly. Tomorrow, I'm forecasting a high of 40 and a low of 10, with a chance of a shower and maybe a haircut too.

Seriously, I usually prefer talking to kids than other adults. Mainly because most adults I know are so neurotic that talking to them is just annoying. You see all those slight pauses and twitches that bely their constant checking for social conformity. Even worse is the way people often limit their expression just to cater to the neurosis of others. Whenever I notice this, it also makes me think of the times I do the same thing, which I find depressing. Moreover, I find this constant and generally flawed judgement both intimidating and frustrating. It forces me to judge myself in unjust ways, and that I find almost sickening. Certainly, it's a potent source of anxiety... No, it's the greatest source of anxiety in my life.

Now with children, these kinds of issues are generally well within reason. At the very least, they can be understood by their youthful naivety/ignorance, which I can accept and deal with. However, most adults are so ingrained with their inane and insane expectations, of others and themselves, that little can be done. It's just a burden I would very much rather not deal with. Still, because of my natural abilities, there will very likely come a time where I will be wealthy enough to define my own, more reasonable, social group, and this is the hope that keeps me going.

I think it's this certainty of hope that makes me feel like 500 sometimes. Certainly, someone of that wisdom would live life with the verve and openness of a 5 year old.

PS: Ironically, people often tell me how fabulously well I do in social scenarios, and how friendly I am, and yet I so often despair over such interactions. I guess you could say, I'm a social butterfly with arthritis, lol.

In fact, I remember visiting a few fetish communities on the basis that I could certainly be socially honest with people as extreme as them. However, it turns out that this is not entirely the case. Still, I have to say that of all the forums I've ever been to, this particular one is by far the best I've found in this regard, not that I consider it a fetish site per-say.

[WiiBaby]

I feel the same way when talking to other adults, too! I always feel like they're constantly judging me, waiting for me to slip up, or something. Adults usually think highly of me, because I've gotten so used to telling them what they want to hear. When I talk to people my age, though, they're usually annoying, for example, all the kids at my school are immature jack-asses. They seem to judge more harshly than adults, they'll give me shit for days if I say something "gay." So I constantally have to be this fake person, just to get along. I'd love to be myself, but society today seems to find that unacceptable. The only people I find I can be myself with are kids, probably because, essentially, I am one!

I'll never understand people, and their ideals. If everyone is forced by society to act a certain way, where has our individuality gone? Oh well... at least I can be myself here.

--Brandon

[Incomplete Dude]

Well, sometimes you just have to deal with it, because the person you are interacting with has something of value. I'm not saying we shouldn't bend for others, but it should be within reason. For example, I'm not going to kill my emotional self just to fulfill someone's stereotype or other preconceived notion. However, I would suffer some for, say, a well-paying job or other worthy cause. I think this ability to know when to bend, and to know your limits therein, is an important skill that must be developed.

Still, even our modern society is often very unreasonable in its demands, as we have both described. Moreover, it can often apply this pressure too often, not allowing one time to be themselves, and especially so on the young, like ourselves. However, society is very malleable. Think how much it's changed in just the last 40 years. I hold a great deal of hope for the future because of this, but we must make an effort towards this. Just because things look bleak at one moment, says relatively little about the not-so-distant future.

PS: As a further note, I find the preconceived notions that are the hardest to deal with are the ones we impose on ourselves, since saying they're wrong is an admission of our brokenness. Being a perfectionist, I find this very hard to do. However, when I force myself to, I feel much better. In this case, perhaps I believe too strongly that I must fit in. Perhaps what I see as a great loss and danger if I didn't fit in, is in fact, not nearly that serious. Probably this is often the case, although I'm sure that sometimes it's not. Certainly, if this bias exists within you, it will be difficult to see/feel the real magnitude of the risk, making this a very complicated issue.

I think the solution is to simply go through this social "trial by fire" in a controlled setting. That is, go to social events where you know no one, let loose, and see what happens. By registering how these strangers deal with you, perhaps one can get a better understanding of how those close to you will react. This is why I wish I didn't live in suburbia, and instead lived downtown where I could easily go to all kinds of such events. Thereby, I could find and establish a superior social group, while simultaneously becoming more informed on people's social reactions. Between the two, I can go into a situation feeling a more realistic level of anxiety/pressure, and knowing that if all fails, I've still got my previously established social group/stability.

[WiiBaby]

I agree, and the only reason I change myself for others is so things stay the same, they don't get worse. I've been feeling rather depressed lately, and I'm a sensitive guy, so I try to behave in a way that pleases whoever I'm talking to. I'm afraid if I be myself, and I do "slip up," I might do something I'll regret later. I press on only because I've convinced myself things will change someday, and I won't have to lie to myself any longer.

This could be either a flaw in my personality, or a flaw in society, and I believe it's the latter. I don't think anyone has any real personality flaws, you are who you are, but people tend to lose sight of this. After lying to yourself for so long, the lie becomes a part of you, yet, nobody seems to care.

Well, that's my two cents, anyways...

--Brandon

[Red Barchetta]

Outside of AB stuff....

I have always felt much older than I actually am - and not just a feeling, others have always thought I was till they found out differently. Some examples - starting at age 16, no one ever questioned me at all when I wanted to buy some alcohol (even had a few at the local bar with my mom at that age [and no she is not a boozer, just a social drinker]), when I was 13, yes I had some friends my own age, but most of the really close friends I had were in there 30s.

Even now, I seem to relate to those at least 10-15 years older then me, better then those my own age. (If this keeps up, what am I going to do when I hit say 70-80+?)

But when it comes to wisdom, not all, but alot of times I seem to even put those people to shame - other times I feel like I know nothing (but then that is part of being wise too - admitting when you don't know something) but even or a global scale - there have been times when I swear I could see a war brewing, well before others could - and even had some good ideas to stop it, before it started.

Heck at times, it even seems like I have the answer to world-wide peace (if all variables are in place), and not just nation fighting nation, but private militant groups as well (aka terrorist cells). And all kinds of other problems.

[WiiBaby]

At times I feel that way, too. Obviously trying to have a serious political dicussion with other high schoolers only makes me look wierd. When the time comes to be serious, and get work done, I feel like I'm much older than my classmates.

Though, away from school, I rarely feel that way, and I just want to have fun. The only other place I try to make myself feel older is here, on the internet. Awhile ago I realized that online, the only thing that truly shows who you are, is your voice. Obviously eef i typd liek dis... I'd look either lazy, or much younger. I feel that the way a person types tells alot about them. For example, I'm a perfectionist, I try to maintain proper grammar, and use a large vocabulary. That's just part of who I am, and that's the side of myself I like to show people I've never met.

Well, that's just my two cents again...

--Brandon

[Incomplete Dude]

lol. Even when I try to type like @|_|_ |_|83|2-1337 |_1|<3 7}-{$, it comes out looking out of place.

Still, I was lucky to be in the International Baccalaureate program in high school, so all my classmates were extremely intelligent. Still, even then I was definitely the smartest, and didn't 100% fit in. btw, my IQ was 147 in grade 6, but is very likely over 160 now. As you know, IQ will increase until your brain fully matures (around 22), if you work at it. I know a number of people that were certifiably dumb in grade 8, but you would never say that now. Anyways, when you're a 1 in 1000 person, you won't usually fit in, so I'm not bitter.