I'm unsure of myself

[id0ntknow]

If you have to, be sick that day. Which isn't actually a lie because Clinical Depression is a physical disease that needs treatment Glad to hear you're getting off to a good start fighting the problem and with the new help you're likely to win that fight

[id0ntknow]

Well, I figured I'd pop on real quick and give an update. I got the day off of work, and can go see the psychologist without really having to worry about time. I'm both looking forward to the visit, and also very anxious about it too. I don't have a clue what will be said, and that has me nervous. Any advice on quelling the anxiety?

[Bettypooh]

Until you discover that there's nothing to worry about (really) you will probably feel anxious- that's 'normal' with anything new to you All that will be involved is some paperwork to get your medical history, some general conversation about you and what you see as your problems, and some questions about that. Nothing to it. In return you'll get some suggestions to think about, maybe a reference to medical doctor to get some Meds to help with depression; again nothing to it. The initial visit is to learn each other and establish the trust which is going to give them the means to help you have a better life and to begin handling anything which seriously jeapordizes your safety. Later on things will get deeper and the root causes of your problems sought and addressed- this is just a start to let them begin helping you with your burdens, and you will come away feeling better because you wil know that finally someone is there to help you with the things which were harming you in life that you couldn't resolve on your own. You're going to be making a new friend, one who has your best interests in mind and nothing else

[id0ntknow]

Sent you a PM Bettypooh.

[id0ntknow]

I figured I'd let everybody know that the appointment today was a success. At least as far as I'm concerned it was anyway. I have another appointment set up for next week.

[id0ntknow]

I had my second appointment before work yesterday, and all in all I think it went well. I did have a couple of spots that were troubling me a little bit though. I had told my therapist of my friend's jokes at work, and how they really hit the nail on the head with me. I mentioned that I've never even alluded to this side of myself to anyone at work, but those jokes were too close for comfort. I think the jokes were what triggered the depression to come back, but couldn't tell my friend without outing myself to potentially everyone at work. I had an incident with this friend at work on Monday, where I made him mad enough that he wanted to fight me. Seeing this as yet another failure on my part, I scratched my arm with my thumbnail hard enough to draw blood, and would have done much worse had I had my knife on me that night. I talked with this friend and another work friend on the phone after work a little, and part of me wanted desperately to tell them what was going on in my head, but another part of me stopped me from doing that, since I know the outcome would be negative most likely.

[Bettypooh]

The way I see things, everyone is a "freak" because we are all weird in some unusual way. I know a woman who will not eat eggs unless they are burnt- they mush be nearly ash and carbon before she cat stand to eat them. I know a guy who can't start to work without getting a buzz from smoking a joint- he also can't work without a radio playing on the job. We all know a "neat freak" somewhere, or people who are compelled to check and recheck that they've locked a door, and on and on

[id0ntknow]

Thanks for the kind words Betty. I needed that. Something I find funny is that while I always stumble over my words when I'm talking, and stutter and stammer like crazy, I still seem to have a knack for rambling on a lot as well. I don't see how that works.