Sexual health therapy

[Wayz2PlzU]

I didn't know where else to post this, so please do bear with me on this topic.

Edited October 2, 2013 by Wayz2PlzU

[BigC300]

I read your Blog. You seem like a very intelligent individual. Now, about getting layed. You say you have been attracted to someone? Are you so attracted that you feel like you could just eat them up, figuratively? If so, you need to approach that person, try to get to know them, and express your feelings for them. If you become intimate with them, you must meet their needs sexually. My second wife was so impressed with my bedroom performances she bought a robotic teddy bear who would play the classic "I'm just a sex machine" song and clap his paws together after we had sex. The point I am trying to make is this, if you want to establish an intimate relationship with someone, you are going to first have to invest a lot of time and energy cultivating the relationship before the intimacy develops. Until then, regularly release the sexual tension by masturbating.

[Wayz2PlzU]

I read your Blog. You seem like a very intelligent individual. Now, about getting layed. You say you have been attracted to someone? Are you so attracted that you feel like you could just eat them up, figuratively? If so, you need to approach that person, try to get to know them, and express your feelings for them. If you become intimate with them, you must meet their needs sexually. My second wife was so impressed with my bedroom performances she bought a robotic teddy bear who would play the classic "I'm just a sex machine" song and clap his paws together after we had sex. The point I am trying to make is this, if you want to establish an intimate relationship with someone, you are going to first have to invest a lot of time and energy cultivating the relationship before the intimacy develops. Until then, regularly release the sexual tension by masturbating.

[Bettypooh]

The 'cupid' in us does strange things to us, mostly blinding us to what may be faults in others. Whether that's a good or bad thing I can't say; I just know that it happens Those with the most sexual experience are those who are least affected like this. They are the ones who usually end up marrying the 'right one' the first time around. But they are also the ones most likely to 'cheat' for the very same reason since there are only a certain amount of sexual possibilities with anyone and they get bored after that Some of my long-term-happily-married friends don't know sex with anyone else- their first love is enough for them I guess, and that's OK by me! So who knows which course to take? Either one might be right or it may be wrong.

[Wayz2PlzU]

I guess it's just easier said than done after 25+ years of seeing good people do ugly things to their spouses (wife/husband), and no one explaining to me how to tell the difference between being "in love" and merely feeling "Oh, I like you a lot!".

[Dill_Pickle]

I see a couple of problems here. You bring "the advice goddess" from my local weekly paper to mind.

First, your mother seems to be joined to your hip. This is to some degree inevitable, as it sounds like you aren't able to drive a car, but no sane woman wants a romantic relationship with both you and your mother.

Second, being in a relationship is very disruptive. This is a fact of life.

Third, you will probably need to date more than one woman to find the right one. The right one for you involves an honest, respectful relationship, in which you have agreed not to mistreat each other. Sex will come, but it is not the largest part of the relationship. There is also a high likelihood that one of you will need significantly more sex than the other, and you will need to work out an acceptable compromise.

Fourth, the pharmacy girl is probably telling you a white lie. Start showing up without your mother in tow, and hand her a card with your name and phone number on it. The white lie is something of a test, a way to find out if you are serious or not. And be sensitive..remember her employer pays her to take care of all of the customers, not just you. can you be quick at her counter if she is busy?

[Wayz2PlzU]

I see a couple of problems here. You bring "the advice goddess" from my local weekly paper to mind.

First, your mother seems to be joined to your hip. This is to some degree inevitable, as it sounds like you aren't able to drive a car, but no sane woman wants a romantic relationship with both you and your mother.

Second, being in a relationship is very disruptive. This is a fact of life.

Third, you will probably need to date more than one woman to find the right one. The right one for you involves an honest, respectful relationship, in which you have agreed not to mistreat each other. Sex will come, but it is not the largest part of the relationship. There is also a high likelihood that one of you will need significantly more sex than the other, and you will need to work out an acceptable compromise.

Fourth, the pharmacy girl is probably telling you a white lie. Start showing up without your mother in tow, and hand her a card with your name and phone number on it. The white lie is something of a test, a way to find out if you are serious or not. And be sensitive..remember her employer pays her to take care of all of the customers, not just you. can you be quick at her counter if she is busy?

[Bettypooh]

I'll just address one part of this to keep things simple. In the 'third analysis' you simply say " I like you. You've always been nice to me even when I wasn't in the best of moods and I appreciate that. I'd like to get to know you better, say dinner or a movie or something. I'm open to whatever you like to do. What do you say?" You should be able to tell from the first response if you are on their 'absolutely not ever' list In which case you smile anyway and drop it. They may (as DP said) be testing you to see if you're truly interested in them or just another HG who needs sex In which case you keep at it until either A- you see that you're on the list I mentioned, or B- you get a date, or C- you get tired of trying or find someone else.

[Wayz2PlzU]

I'll just address one part of this to keep things simple. In the 'third analysis' you simply say " I like you. You've always been nice to me even when I wasn't in the best of moods and I appreciate that. I'd like to get to know you better, say dinner or a movie or something. I'm open to whatever you like to do. What do you say?" You should be able to tell from the first response if you are on their 'absolutely not ever' list In which case you smile anyway and drop it. They may (as DP said) be testing you to see if you're truly interested in them or just another HG who needs sex In which case you keep at it until either A- you see that you're on the list I mentioned, or B- you get a date, or C- you get tired of trying or find someone else.

[Bettypooh]

it does suck, but that's how things work and you either do things "their way" or you do things "your way". Both have advantages and disadvantages. At this point in my own life, with me on the far side of 50, I've given up on it A relationship will come to me just as I am or it won't. I'm not going to chase it anymore, it's not been worth the effort so far and I don't think it ever will be. If I see someone I like, I'll leave the door open for them to ask me, and maybe I'll ask them. Otherwise I'm just here, take it or leave it.

[Dill_Pickle]

Let's straighten something out:

[Wayz2PlzU]

Let's straighten something out:

[Dill_Pickle]

Any progress??? I glanced at your blog, but, thinking about it, your real issue isn't your sexual health...it is being isolated, and sex will take care of itself once you are less isolated.

[Wayz2PlzU]

Not much progress. Between school and doc appointments, it's been a little rough. One would think going to school would open up new social avenues, but being an extreme introvert, I don't open up easily.

[Wayz2PlzU]

I have looked at singles groups, but most of which are religious based "Christian Singles", etc. *shrugs* I'm sure something would come up where I could not go. And we're going into Winter months where I'll be out of the house much less than I am now.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[Dill_Pickle]

You are in denver... On the gates of the rocky mountains. Why don't you look into outdoors groups? Me, I would have a difficult time with an explicitly Christian group, unless it was episcopalian or unitarian. You might also want to think about Toastmasters.

Don't forget to read the bulletin boards around campus, and see if there is a professional society around your major.

[Wowet]

Watch this, hopefully it will help you.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X7PAYhmoKkA

just have confidence

[Wayz2PlzU]

Watch this, hopefully it will help you.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X7PAYhmoKkA

just have confidence

I did watch that video. Thank you. But it's never been so much about not having confidence, it's been about just having issues with social interaction in general, regardless if that person is male or female, and as I said before, my parents weren't exactly the best role models. Neither were some relatives and friends. But I do appreciate the video. That was helpful.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[Dill_Pickle]

You are paying school good money to go to class. At my university, they had a counseling office, and I got psychotherapy through it without paying extra. It really sounds to me like you might benefit from a confidential discussion with them about what kind of help they may have available.

Beyond that, if you want your interactions to go well, you need to practice and observe. Begin by watching what other people in class do and talk about and by learning some of their names. Then participate by drawing someone out and continue to observe.

[Wayz2PlzU]

I've been meaning to get back into counseling. It's been about three months since I last went to a therapist. But that's when my schedule got a little crazy taking care of my disabled mother, going to school and doing my assignments well into the night, and going to both hers and my own doctor appointments because she doesn't want to waste the gas I pay for (well, 90% of it) on the truck I paid in full for (and all subsequent repairs). But I know the school does have a partnership with a local mental healthcare provider that gives 6 free sessions a year. Once finals are done next week, I intend to get that set up. I have to say though, it is extremely difficult (based on my own research and reading on the subject) for an extremely introverted guy to turn into ... Well, even an average social extrovert. But it's something worth trying for sure. This is not the life I had hoped for growing up (assuming at the time I was 12 I'd be alive at the age of 34). Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[Dill_Pickle]

Way2Plz...

[Wayz2PlzU]

Dill,

That's a really good suggestion on reading up on body language and facial expressions.

My point though was that for the better part of my entire life, I've been anti-social. Going from that to being socially average is not going to be an easy process. And certainly not an expedited one either. It will take time, patience, and slow progress.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[Dill_Pickle]

Way2Plz:

You aren't ever going to be "average", what you are going to do is to be able to cope well enough, be comfortable, to find a few friends, to enjoy yourself.

[Wayz2PlzU]

Way2Plz:

You aren't ever going to be "average", what you are going to do is to be able to cope well enough, be comfortable, to find a few friends, to enjoy yourself.

And that is what I would consider as average. Being able to feel comfortable with myself, find a few MORE good friends, and enjoy myself when I can and when my medical conditions are screaming painful agony.

Don't take this the wrong way, but it seems like we're talking the same language, but we're both misinterpreting each other. That said, let's just agree that I have issues to work on. Both with myself and how I form friendships/relationships with people. :-)

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[Dill_Pickle]

Agreed about the miscommunication.... I think the problem is with "average". Being consciously aware and in good control of your reactions is anything but average, especially if there is pain involved. Being as old as you are and as worried as you are about how you come across because of all the negative examples in your life ( and knwing just how much you don't want to be like them) means you will never get close to average. Average is being more like all those bad examples you cite.