Of The Gay Threat And Paruresis, Or Damned Propaganda.

[Eir]

First, this is not an anti-gay thread. It is a search into the cultural consciousness for triggers of shy bladder. My father warned me about strange men and bullies who would take me away, beat me up or do something to me. I also had a creepy uncle (who we have ceased all contact with) who leered at me while I was sleeping, and 'wanted me.' I woke up several times and he was right at the foot of the couch bed or right by. Nothing happened in a physical sense, I have been revisiting these memories and discovered they were not innocent. After reporting a very strange game of tag, where I had to escape his grip every time, my parents decided this place was not safe for me. We now know that most pedophiles are heterosexuals. I only have a feeling that warnings like the one in the video below were transmitted through the generations. Notice how the public restroom is presented as a threat, and one of the boys in this video recognized a man from the bathroom, and decided not to take the shortcut underneath the pier. This disgusting video places homosexuals in a horrible light, and by extension, public restrooms. The warning to be vigilant against homosexuals translate into internalized fear.

[sarah_ab]

First, this is not an anti-gay thread. It is a search into the cultural consciousness for triggers of shy bladder.

just not sure where the shy bladder part is coming in?

did you mean that having this fear of strange men may have played a part in your having difficulty urinating in public?

[drynot]

I really can't offer much towards the cause of shy bladder syndrome....but I can attest that wearing diapers definitely cured me of that problem. Now I don't even go into creepy bathrooms anymore!

[Eir]

just not sure where the shy bladder part is coming in?

did you mean that having this fear of strange men may have played a part in your having difficulty urinating in public?

Yes Sarah this is precisely it. I was warned by my father never to waste "too much" time in public restrooms, that were were men who would beat me up, take me away or do something to me... He left the doing something part to the imagination.

[Bettypooh]

This could be at least part of the cause of your problems with peeing. Now that you've identified it you may be able to overcome it but my guess is that it's still going to take some time and work on your part. I can recall a few instances when I was young about 'strangers' in the men's room- two were from guys trying to 'peek' when I was at the urinal and one said something to me (can't remember exactly what). These situations made me uncomfortable but my young naivety did not leave room for fear because I didn't know what was happening

Of the many phobias my parents had that influenced me and my siblings, homophobia was not one because we had a Gay uncle- this in a time and place where being such could have even lethal consequences. I don't know how he managed but he was semi-openly Gay, living with what we considered 'another Uncle' I wish he were around so we could discuss his life beyond the bedroom and how he coped. He never approached any kids as far as I know, and he always made sure to not be alone with any male children in the family or elsewhere, knowing that back then most people thought Gay=pedophile Sadly, many people still think this way even when the evidence shows otherwise.

IMHO the greatest failure of parents is that they transfer what they feel are legitimate fears and beliefs to their children, never understanding the harm this can do to their lives. Occasionally I'll meet parents who tell me that their having children was more their becoming educated than in educating their kids Those kids seem to be the happiest, best adjusted, and most successful ones. When I note the opposite in parents I often see kids who end up in trouble- jail, drugs, psychological problems, relationship problems. etc The same goes for how society molds children. My growing up mostly in 'the Bible belt' gave me more things to work through myself than any good it did, and all without need for that Seeing that happen has left me decidedly anti-religious, somewhat non-social, and with a far greater understanding of human relationships and how the mind works than many trained mental health pros have

What I did to overcome this was to break away from everything on my growing up- family, society, religion, etc until I could figure it all out for myself. It is not a course I recommend for the average person but in my doing this I became a far better person in the end in learning to overcome outside influences. It took half my life to reach the starting point of this, my current path It gave me experiences that have made me stronger and has taught me how to cope with this world without losing me in the process. Now that you've discovered at least part of where the root of your parauresis lies, maybe you can begin to overcome it too- I hope so!

Bettypooh

[Eir]

Thanks Betty! I have discovered that I have been projecting my fears onto others, including some previously unconscious anti-homosexual fears I inherited from my father. I have only begun to realize that he had serious problems with homophobia and also racism. Meaning I must examine myself for unconscious traces of these.

[DavidMW]

I've got quite the shy bladder. As a kid I never got much of the "beware of strangers" in the bathrooms or anywhere else warnings. I was pretty uncomfortable undressing in front of others in the lockerroom or anyplace else. Perhaps my shy bladder was just an extension of that, but it stuck around even as I got more comfortable undressing around others.

I turned out to be gay. Even after sex and then heading into the bathroom naked, I'll close the door for privacy to pee. Go figure.

Yet when diapered I can pee in just about any setting around anyone. Just started a 24x7 stretch and found myself wetting my diaper while chatting with one of my neighbors as we rode up the elevator together earlier this afternoon.

I've come across some gay bars that have their bathrooms set up for guys to show off their goods. Instead of individual urinals, there's a long trough, sometimes with a mirror along the wall facing the pee-ers. I'd rather wet my pants than try to use that.

[Eir]

^I found a great deal of success with NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programmeing)

[Eir]

And comrade, please visit www.paruresis.org (Sorry for the double post, I got a strange error when I tried to edit.