Gave Up But Starting Again...

[Guest fakename7]

I've been silent on the boards for the past while, and not visiting the site much. Time for an update (sigh).

I made it to 116 days of wearing/wetting 24/7. I was starting to feel discouraged and worried. I went to a party weekend with other gay men, and after my diaper was exposed a few times on the first day, I stopped wearing on June 7th. In the last three weeks, I've only worn during the day a couple times. A few days ago, I realized that the sudden trouble I'd been having sleeping was related to no longer having the feeling of security from my diapers, so I did start wearing every night again.

At times during the past 3 weeks, I've felt like my body was totally back to normal, with no real effects from the almost four months of diaper/unpotty training. Other times, that's not been the case. I haven't had any leaks or accidents, but today (for example) I was running to the bathroom over and over---up to four times in the space of half an hour. I get that it's varying from day to day, but it seems my bladder capacity and control really HAS changed. It's too much hassle to be constantly running to the bathroom with what feels like real urgency. As soon as I get home from work today, I'm going back into 24/7 diapers, because it looks like that's what I really need. Part of me feels like I really failed by stopping my wearing when I did. A big part of me still wants to become bladder incontinent and permanently diaper dependent. At the same time, part of me worries a little that I seem to be starting to get exactly what I want---and that it can interfere with things I want to do in life.

For those who've managed to unpotty-train themselves, did any of you go through "breaks" like this as part of the whole adjustment/process? I'm going to pick up and move forward again, but I could definitely use some encouragement!

[dl_ashlee]

If you want to unpotty train yourself then it is all mental. No matter where you are you have to always act like you would wet yourself if you were not wearing diapers. Also never go the john to go pee. Your brain has to connect that no matter where you it is ok to let go into your diaper. Which means changing like an incontinent person would do and not holding back even if your diaper is going to leak. Depending on the particular diaper you will want to change every 3- 6 hours. That means 3-5 diapers per day. You can't have any fears holding you back otherwise this will not work.

If you really want this to happen you will need to carry a "diaper" bag with you all the time as you will need to change throughout the day and most who need I know will change after a certain number of hours even if it is barely wet.

Probably the biggest fear for most is that of leaking, so changes more often will help ease your fear that it will leak.

[Repaid1]

This! ^^^^^ Your choice you have to live with it, and subsequently deal with the outcome. I make no judgments one way or the other. Just know once you get to where you are going...well... your there!

[Bettypooh]

Let me begin with a disclaimer- I haven't un-potty trained myself but I do wear 24/7 and on days where I want to and it's practical, I wet full-time. It gets really easy to do after awhile Now that we've passed that here's what I think.

There is always an attraction to things we wonder about so we try new things. Sometimes the results keep us coming back for more Sometimes we find it's not what we thought it would be like All this is normal life, and being a full-time wearer is no different. Diapers have both a convenience and inconvenience angle to them. It's a pain to need a change sometimes, but that's an inseparable part of using full-time. The same goes for the inevitable leaks. In those things being incontinent restricts your life, the thorns of the rose. OTOH, you don't need a toilet nearby anymore- the rose flower itself. How those balance in your life varies and you have to decide if the thorns are worth the roses There is no shame in trying and changing your mind afterward, in fact there's something positive here- you tried what most people never will and now you know something most people won't ever know

I do have minor leakage issues maybe half the time which makes wearing protection practical for me. I normally use the toilet when I need to but I still wear 24/7 and I happen to like that. If I were to lose more control it wouldn't matter a lot to me; in fact I kind of expect it to happen. I say so what? And most pf the time if I want to, I can pee to my heart's content without a worry (except knowing I'll be needing to change soon which is usually a non-issue) For me it's the best of both worlds and is made easy by wearing pull-ups. For you it may be something to think about- will that work for you and is it enough to keep you happy? Only you can decide that.

It does seem that you truly want to be incontinent- again there's nothing wrong with that, but it does come with the price of dealing with it. Some days I 'play' with this and avoid the toilet while using better diapers more suited to this. TBH I like it a lot so long as changes are easy- when they aren't it really sucks. That is what got me to question whether I really wanted to be incontinent full-time like I thought I did. My answer is mine alone and it may not be the right answer for you. You can decide where you want to go with this, but maybe you can have the best of both worlds I'd suggest that you wear full-time and choose your diapers based on how you feel that day, leaving to option open to do more or less as you please. You're going to have to deal with weakened bladder control anyway unless you decide to stop wearing and using and it seems clear that you don't want to do that.

One of the most important things you can ask yourself in any part of your life is "Why do I want to do this and what am I trying to accomplish?" If you find that answer honestly you will then know what to do and whether you are doing it for the right reason It will also keep you from doing things which are wrong, or which are wrong for you even if they seem right on the surface We're all different, with different needs, wants, and capabilities and life works best when we stay within our limits. That's not only for us but for everyone else around us too. If you know where you want to go and why you want to go there all the answers are obvious, but sometimes we just don't know yet so we give it a try to see what happens. As long as you're willing to back off if you discover that it's not the right thing for you no harm will come to anyone and the whole world (including yours) will be better for that

Go forward in life taking the path that is right for you, and don't let someone else steer you where you do not want to go. Don't worry about what they might think of that because they are not you and they cannot decide this for you. Aim for your happiness wherever it's at, and be happy in it wherever it is. The rest of the world will get over it.

Bettypooh

[dl_ashlee]

I am pretty sure most incontinent persons wish they didn't need it, but if you think about our mental need for diapers can I think be harder. Sure there are still many who will not accept you because of your disability, but there are many more out there that will not accept you for having this as a fetish.

So for me I see if I physically needed diapers then it would be easier for me. As if someone couldn't get past my "disability" then we should not be friends. But I do not feel any of my friends need to know about my fetish and probably would be really weird-ed out if they ever found out.

Oh and of course work places have to be very tolerant of disabilities, so there should not be a problem at work. Now a fetish on the other hand there is a big problem at work. So the only way to do it at work is to always wear that way if someone does find out then it just looks like you actually need them and are not just a "weirdo."

So yes I do wish for me personally I was bladder incontinent physically, for me I don't think mentally doing it would ever work 24/7 for me as the only acceptable thing to say if someone finds out is that you need them and basically say something to the affect of leaving the subject alone, that you don't feel like talking about it.

[Bettypooh]

I've come to the conclusion that emotional needs are as legitimate as physical ones when it comes to wearing diapers. Both are legitimate needs and until you see yourself that way, you will have feelings of guilt and conflict over this in your life Sure, having a physical need overrides everything- then you have no choice but to wear. In my own life most days I could do without wearing but it would make my life the constant daily pain-in-the-butt it used to be having to spend great amounts of time and constant though into not wetting my pants that I used to do :: Can I wear 24/7? Sure- anyone can because those who have to do it, don't they? So the real question becomes do I want to do this, and if so how do I go about it? Also very important is the question of how will I handle this? Well I have a need to wear diapers, and that is all the explanation I have to give to anyone who should ask (and for most that's all the answer they will get ) Want to know more? Sorry but this is kind of personal and I don't wan to discuss it with you There, problems resolved.

[Guest fakename7]

Thanks for the encouragement, Bettypooh and everyone else! my Alpha, who loves knowing i'm diapered 24/7 and training with the goal to become permanently bladder incontinent, wanted to make sure He encouraged me to get back on track. He knew my cash flow was a little tight, so He surprised me by having two full cases of Abenas shipped to me. Alpha also visited this weekend, and brought me herbs to help make sure i'm wetting a lot and messing every morning. Funny how now that Alpha has paid for all those diapers and herbs, i don't dare interrupt my training again---i wouldn't want to disappoint Him by making Him having wasted His money!!

[diapertime42]

Ok, you can't tease us like that.... What herbs are you using to make you wet more?

[Guest fakename7]

Sorry! :-)

Dandelion root, stinging nettle, and barberry, all combined in a tea. They WORK, too!

[dl_ashlee]

I find drinking any tea makes me pee more. Though black tea I would say is more so, as caffeine has a diuretic effect.