My Truth About Incontinent-Desires

[compassionate]

I have now been wearing diapers 24/7 for two years and change. What started as a fetish quickly grew to a desire to lose control. At this point I wear because I generally believe that I would wet my pants or bed if I didn't although I am also quite sure that if I stopped wearing I would still have some nominal control. The 12-month program and hypnosis were incredibly helpful for me to embrace the mindset that my fetish initially wanted: to lose control. Whether I have physically succeeded in that or not, I believe I have mentally. I truly would feel anxious about not wearing, or rather, I believe that I would allow myself to wet regardless of if I was wearing or not, which excites and scares me given what may happen in public.

Regardless, I have concluded that since so much of life is beyond my final control, I think my pursuit of diapers has really been an attempt to "control the losing of control." I see many people cope with life and essentially try to make up for the fact that no matter how hard we try, ultimately we do not control all the events of our life. Each of us responds differently to this; some go the route of totally letting go and living out of control, others turn to areas of life they seek to control (eating, exercise, etc.), while others (and I believe I fall in this last group) at some level want to let go of control but on their terms. The excitement of having no control, while really still being in control serving as a coping tool that blends of the first two groups.

This is deep, at least for me, but I was wondering if others had made the same mental and physical journey as myself to reach a similar or different conclusion about why they have made and continue to make their journey to desire incontinence.

Eager to read other thoughts!

[binky's rule]

how about practicing wetting your pants around the house? In your journey for total lack of control, so far you've trained yourself to wetting while in a diaper, take the next step and train yourself to wet (or mess) whenever and in whatever you are wearing.

You've convinced your body that it's OK to wet in your diapers, which took some time. Now put that same effort into voiding in your clothing with the same ease that you void into a diaper. This would seem to be the last step towards total lack of control. Once you've conquered that, you'll KNOW that you must wear diapers.

You're going to ruin some clothing and bedding. Small price to pay to get where you think you want to be. Personally I'm content at where I'm at, the ability to switch between being a diaper user and not.

[agapoulo]

Actually for me it's a bit the reverse. Much of my life is about creating order out of chaos, while under intense pressure. I see the "losing control" as a pressure relief valve. I have noticed the need for that loss of control seems to increase during heightened stress periods. Maybe a way to get back to being a kid with less worries and so on.

[Bettypooh]

There are many motivations for wanting to lose control, and each of ours is different. Some of us have a need to understand those motivations while some do not. If you want to try this there is no harm in it. Just be aware that some canot mentally lose continence and some who do lose it find that after years like that they cannot regain continence. For the short-term (like a year) you probably won't have any large permanent changes occuring.

When I initially got well onto the path of wearing, I desired incontinence deeply. For me that turned out to be more of my wanting some kind of reason to justify my wearing diapers. I did already have some slight continence issues which on some days required wearing more than a pad, and those problems are a bit larger now so that I am not safe to not wear diapers most of the time. I chose to become 24/7 just to see what it was like, if it was possible for me to do discreely, and to discover if wearing would turn into incontinence on it's own. As to that last part I believe in fate, so I figured that if indeed I should attempt to become incontinent my wearing would cause or allow that to happen- it has not. I am not unhapy about that, nor am I happy either. Like everything else about me this just is and however it is is totally OK

I feel it is important to understand our desires, and to allow for trying them in a safe manner when we feel like we should. You may discover things you were not really aware of about yourself or the thing in question and become a better person for all that. Or you may learn nothing, but at least you tried to learn and better yourself which is good all by itself. In the end this is all about being happy in this lifetime. Just rember that life includes fantasy and all the joy in living that out, but it also includes reality that must be dealt with well enough before fantasy can come into play. It's all about priority and balance and allowing for your happiness as best you can

Bettypooh

[compassionate]

Binky...I have started some of what you've said...it's a little hard for me with my family to do that completely, so I'm not sure I could ever pull that off as you have described, but I think what has surprised me in the times I go without diapers is how willing I am to actually wet my pants.

Agapoulu...I get exactly what you mean. I too, find myself embracing baby tendencies along with my diaper/incontinence more when stress increases in my life. It is also an outlet for me...again we all cope differently. Right now for example, work is incredibly intense and I woke up this morning with my thumb in my mouth. Strange and exhilarating at the same time!

Bettypooh...thanks for the thoughtful post. I too believe that I'm ok with however it turns out for me. I think I go through periods of intense desire to lose total control followed by some healthy periods of assessing if this is the right way to go. For now, I am thrilled with where I'm at, and while I would never tell someone else how or what to do when it comes to fantasy, I really appreciate your words of allowing the one while not forgetting the other.

Amazing posts! I'd love to hear others journey of understanding how and why they make these choices!

[diapertime42]

PS- I must give Apologies to all that have read my profile from way back. I had a girl friend years back before this new friend. She wrote many BS stories and she is gone now. I've regained control and believe me when I say Sorry for her stupid attitude. I come here for fun and help, even though I'm beyond the help stage LOL. Again sorry.

You said above that you've "regained control".... Do you mean bladder control, or control of the situation with your girl friend? Just curious if you're still diaper dependent.