I have now been wearing diapers 24/7 for two years and change. What started as a fetish quickly grew to a desire to lose control. At this point I wear because I generally believe that I would wet my pants or bed if I didn't although I am also quite sure that if I stopped wearing I would still have some nominal control. The 12-month program and hypnosis were incredibly helpful for me to embrace the mindset that my fetish initially wanted: to lose control. Whether I have physically succeeded in that or not, I believe I have mentally. I truly would feel anxious about not wearing, or rather, I believe that I would allow myself to wet regardless of if I was wearing or not, which excites and scares me given what may happen in public.
Regardless, I have concluded that since so much of life is beyond my final control, I think my pursuit of diapers has really been an attempt to "control the losing of control." I see many people cope with life and essentially try to make up for the fact that no matter how hard we try, ultimately we do not control all the events of our life. Each of us responds differently to this; some go the route of totally letting go and living out of control, others turn to areas of life they seek to control (eating, exercise, etc.), while others (and I believe I fall in this last group) at some level want to let go of control but on their terms. The excitement of having no control, while really still being in control serving as a coping tool that blends of the first two groups.
This is deep, at least for me, but I was wondering if others had made the same mental and physical journey as myself to reach a similar or different conclusion about why they have made and continue to make their journey to desire incontinence.
Eager to read other thoughts!