Empty Rooms

[gah!ghost]

Note from the author:

I don't have a huge amount of experience writing fiction. I've done a handful of unfinished things all of them in the last year so bear with me. There will be grammatical issues but hopefully I catch enough of them in proofreading to keep them from being too distracting. I'm a little worried about leaving this unfinished, and with that in mind, as of this first post I have written four chapters, fully plotted 6 chapters, and outlined all three parts.

The story, as planned, will take place in three parts with nine chapters in each part. I am just posting this first chapter now as it's the only one I have proofread and will give me wiggle room to keep up. I'm hoping to post a chapter every two or three days, I make no guarantees about that though. Wish me luck, we'll see if I can finish this thing.

Oh and one final thing. There will be profanity and possibly discussion and words some might find objectionable. I don't foresee anything overtly sexual happening though.

Part 1: The Third Floor

Chapter 1: F—k, I’m Awake Okay?

Sara’s head was banging. The headache had woken her up but despite the pain, or maybe in spite of it, she had no intention of getting out from under the covers anytime soon. She pulled up the covers over her head blocking the warm light coming in from the bedroom window.

Her efforts seemingly in vain and unable to fall back asleep, despite her best attempts, she sat up and rubbed at her aching head. The banging continued and as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes it began to dawn on her that the banging wasn’t in her head. Or at least it wasn’t just in her head. Someone was knocking at her door. Who would be knocking at her bedroom door?

Something wasn’t right. She pushed the covers aside and slung her legs over the side of the bed. She was naked. Something really wasn’t right. She didn’t sleep naked. Why was she naked? As the last shreds of morning drowsiness drifted away it began to dawn on her that she wasn’t in her bedroom. What the hell had happened to her. Panic started to rise.

Looking around at her surroundings didn’t illuminate much. She was in very nice hotel room. A large bathroom adjoined to the bedroom and she could see an antique clawed bathtub through the it’s open door. The other door led into a large airy room that appeared to be filled with expensive Victorian furniture. On one wall there was a very large antique wardrobe with an anachronistic flat panel display affixed to the front of one door marring it’s old world charm.

The knock, which paused occasionally but did not stop entirely, was coming not from within the bedroom but from a door in the adjoining room. Sara could only guess it was the door to the hotel room. She roughly yanked the sheet from the bed and wrapped it around herself in a makeshift dress. It was then she noticed that the room wasn’t the only thing wrong. Her body wasn’t right either. It was similar but a lot of things where off. Her tan was gone for one thing.

Whatever had happened to her her body could wait. Maybe whoever was so insistently banging on her door would have answers. She headed over to the door, tripping over the long sheet and swearing on her way there, and looked through the peephole. The peephole gave her a wide angle view of a very tall slim woman.

From top to bottom she looked like a carefully designed knife. Sharp, cold, and beautiful in a dangerous sort of way. Her black hair was very short, cut in a man’s style, which highlighted her sharp high cheekbones and smooth pale skin. She wore makeup but it was minimal, just enough to highlight but not hide the natural beauty of her face. She was dressed in a perfectly tailored pale gray suit. The sleeves of the jacket where cropped just above the elbow and the trousers just below the knee. The latter highlighted the lack of shoes on her perfectly pedicured feet.

Sara had no idea where she was, her tan was gone, and her body was all wrong, but she didn’t really want to open that door dressed in nothing but a sheet.

“One second, I need to get dressed," she called out and the cessation of knocking seemed to confirm the woman on the other side had heard her. She stumbled her way back into the bedroom, tripping over the sheet, before realizing she didn’t exactly need it anymore and tossed it aside. There where no doors in either room other than the door to the hall and the open door to the bathroom. So no closets, but there was the wardrobe.

“What the hell," she thought as she looked inside the wardrobe, her cheeks coloring in embarrassment at it’s contents, “well, that’s not going to help.

[diaperpt]

Looking forward to more. Your writing seems fine so far. Please continue.

[gah!ghost]

If this goes as planned I'll write Chapter 5 tonight and then proof-read Chapter 2 before posting.

[gah!ghost]

Note from the author:

As promised, Chapter 2. "Chapter 3: What's Going On Again?" will be a fair bit longer as it includes a lot more dialog. "Chapter 4: I'm awake, this time for the first time" is a flashback, but I'm thinking that might not be the best place for it so it might end up getting moved around. I'm also up to Chapter 5 in the writing so that's going well. I might start on Chapter 6 tonight as well. Even though I have this pretty well planned out I'm starting to feel a bit off the rails. I think the flashback chapter threw me off. It feels like too much of the wrong thing too soon. There's also too much from Sara's perspective in the first five chapters. I want to move around and take advantage of the third person perspective.

Chapter 2: Gesundheit!

It didn’t take the woman Alex long to return with clothing for Sara. The tall woman’s clothing fit Sara well enough except for length. Alex being at least a head taller than her, the gray shorts where more like cropped trousers and the white camisole was more like a dress. Still it was better than a sheet. She had no idea why Alex had normal clothing and she did not but she wasn’t going to inquire further. It could lead to conversation she did not wish to have.

“You said you didn’t know why we are here or how we got here either?

[gah!ghost]

Chapter 3 incoming. Doing proofreading and some re-writes right now. Chapter 4 I think will remain flashback but I'm going to significantly re-write it.

[gah!ghost]

Author's notes

I did quite a bit of re-writing on this one. I had all the plot and meaning I wanted in the dialog but not much in the way of character so I went through several passes of trying to infuse Jamie and Alex with the characters I've pictured them as. Hopefully that comes through. I'm looking forward to re-writing the next chapter as I think it potentially can be really cool but right now is a bit of a mess. First though I probably should write Chapter 6 which features Alex.

Chapter 3: What’s Going on Again?

The two girls stood in ever so slightly awkward silence where moments before there had been three.

The new girl spoke first, “So, she do that often?

[gah!ghost]

Some filler until I get the next Chapter up. I've been re-outling Chapter 6 to be more from Alex's point of view which means I still haven't written it yet. I've also started to flesh out the last three chapters of Part 1. The way I've been writing, I basically just keep breaking things down by three acts. So for example this is just Part 1 of my three Part outline:

Part 1: The Third Floor

- Waking Up

-- Chapter 1: Fuck, I'm Awake Okay?

---- Sara wakes up having heard the door being knocked on

---- She is nude

---- In looking for clothes she discovers the wardrobe

---- The wardrobe’s contents are not what she wants to get dressed in. There is a touch screen that indicates it will be available in about 48 hours.

---- She answers the door in a sheet

---- She meets Alex and is a bit self conscious around her due to her cold and beautiful appearance

---- Alex lets her barrow clothes

-- Chapter 2: Gesundheit!

-- Chapter 3: What's Going on Again?

- New Secrets and Old Memories

-- Chapter 4: I'm Awake, This Time for The First Time

-- Chapter 5: Knowing Stuff

-- Chapter 6: Open, Open, Locked

- The Second Night

-- Chapter 7: Ghost Stories

-- Chapter 8: French Bedroom Farce

-- Chapter 9: Another 48 Hours

I've only included the chapter outlines for the first Chapter as the outlines for the rest actually include details that aren't explored until later. There are a few previews in there in terms of Chapter titles though. The titles may very well change but I don't think the meaning will. Each part is broken up pretty much the same way as above. The three section titles within each part are just there for me and aren't intended to ever be part of the story proper. I do kind of abandon the three act structure when outlining each chapter since at that point I find that the tool kind of gets in the way of the process.

Please let me know if anyone finds this interesting I myself like reading and seeing other people's process so I try to explain my process when I can. Oh and one final little thing. It's a bit of a spoiler but some might recognize this illustration I did of Sara back when this story was just in my head.

[gah!ghost]

Author's Note

The flashback portions remain largely the same as my original draft. I did a lot of re-writing to the framing story though. To date this is probably the chapter I have re-written the most. I'm fairly happy with it. It actually deals with the first part at least of the seed of this story. It's something I've had in my head for many years and has evolved and changed with time. For a long time it was just the room and what lay beyond. I never really thought much farther than that. It's a fairly simple short scene but is important to me at least. Hope you enjoy it. The next chapter is a short one, unless I add a lot to it in re-writing.

On a different note, I hate to beg, but I'd love to read some more comments. I don't need the input to continue writing, but a little feedback is never unwanted. Good or bad, let me know. I'm up for anything and I'm sure there's plenty to criticize.

Chapter 4: I’m awake, this time for the first time.

Back in her room, Sara took off the wet trousers and underwear and pushed them down the bathroom’s laundry chute. There was a twang of guilt as she dropped the clothes Alex had so kindly let her borrow but she couldn’t return them dirty. She next opened the closet door and draped the shirt over the top of it before taking out a clean towel and setting it on the wire shelf next to the shower. As she moved around the bathroom she was careful to avoid catching a glance of her face in the mirror. She couldn’t avoid seeing herself forever but she was in no mood for any new surprises at the moment.

She didn’t rush in the shower, spending a long time just standing under the warm water and an even longer time cleaning herself from the waist down. When she finally felt clean and pulled aside the shower curtain stepping out of the tall bathtub, the bathroom had filled with steam. She had convinced herself, while in the shower, to finally woman up and find out what she had been turned into. She had expected the steam to have fogged up the mirror and provided some level of obfuscation but she wasn’t so lucky. Nice hotel, nice fog resistant mirrors.

A face not so unfamiliar stared back at her from the silvered glass. She still looked like herself which was a small relief. It was just the details that had changed. Her artificially bronzed skin was now a milky white. Her long salon colored blonde hair was now a natural black and had been cut chin length into a rather shaggy style. She was still unsure, but it certainly seemed to her that she was a bit shorter. She was definitely less muscular and a fair bit curvier, her body soft where it had once been hard. It wasn’t an altogether unpleasant change. Her eyes where still the same, an unusual pale green that she was always getting complimented on.

Something else about her new appearance was very familiar. James! she thought in a sudden realization. She reminded herself of James. James’ hair had been dyed black, not natural at all, but it and the pale skin had been enough to make the connection. She was starting to wonder just how much of a hand she had in her current predicament. She had always sort of admired James and could see herself emulating him a bit in the right circumstances. It would explain her new spooky girl appearance.

She had also seen James very recently. The memory had been there when she woke, but she had dismissed it as a dream. Shortly after a whole new set of very real weirdness had been dumped in her lap and she had forgotten that she had remembered, but now—

It was a dark square room she had woken up in. She had no idea how she had gotten there. Last thing she remembered she had been falling asleep for the night. There where three other people in the room with her. She could just barely see them in the dim light. There was only one light in the room, a single bare bulb over a simple white door set into one of the room’s four walls. She could see no other window, door, or hallway. It was just a gray concrete box devoid of any notable feature.

She was the first to wake but the others where already rousing by the time she had taken in her surroundings. Living in a sorority house and being involved in student council meant she spent a lot of time on campus. She could recognize a lot of the University’s student body even if she didn’t know them by name and she had at least seen everyone in the room before.

The tall girl with long black hair and the even taller athletic guy she didn’t know by name but had seen them plenty around campus, usually with each other, at least until recently. They stood out in a crowd, both being very tall and good looking. The other guy she knew by name, James, although she couldn’t remember his last name, it was something odd but not particularly memorable. He stood out in a crowd as well but not so much because he was tall or good looking.

James had always fascinated her. She had never talked to him but had a few classes with him and if she was honest with herself envied him. Sara had always done what was expected of her. Secretly she was terrified of having no friends. Her family had moved at that awkward period between primary school and secondary and because of that she had entered into teenage life friendless. Not a good place to be. It had taken awhile but by the time she graduated high school she had managed to amass a fair number of friends, even if she didn’t like many of them.

In the interest of making friends she had subverted a lot of her own interest and James, unlike her, seemed to be who he wanted and at least from a distance appeared to be a lot happier than she was. Still, she could never be friends with someone like that. He dressed in horrible black clothes and had long badly dyed black hair. If any of her friends saw her talking to him she’d be ridiculed for weeks. Of course it would all be in “good fun

[gah!ghost]

No story updates for a day or two. I may do a illustration in the interim for the first chapter.

[WBDaddy]

Could I get... a little clarification on what happened in that last chapter?

Was the sequence with the two guys and the tall girl a memory from prior to chapter 1?

[gah!ghost]

Yes. That will be made more clear in the next chapter. Maybe if I changed the last line to "She needed to talk to the others bout what she had just remembered, especially that new girl." instead of just "She needed to talk to the others, especially that new girl."

[WBDaddy]

Yes. That will be made more clear in the next chapter. Maybe if I changed the last line to "She needed to talk to the others bout what she had just remembered, especially that new girl." instead of just "She needed to talk to the others, especially that new girl."

Color me intrigued, then.

BTW - that confusion is the reason I compulsively italicize anything that's not happening in the present tense.

[gah!ghost]

Part of my problem in seeing any confusion like that which may arise is that I have things well plotted in my head and I also am a very visual person and am seeing everything. Like that em-dash before the flashback in my head is a fade to black followed by a fade into the nearly black room.

[gah!ghost]

Thanks for the comments as well WBDaddy. It's nice to know I'm not shouting at the dark

I may post two chapters tonight as the next chapter is rather short. It will be a few days at least until the next one though as I only have up to Chapter 7 fully outlined and would like to get Chapters 8, 9, and the first of the second part outlined before I start writing Chapter 7.

[WBDaddy]

Part of my problem in seeing any confusion like that which may arise is that I have things well plotted in my head and I also am a very visual person and am seeing everything.

But I wanna see everything toooooo!!! *pouts*

(If you need a bigger hint than that, I don't know what to tell you! )

[gah!ghost]

Added an illustration to the first chapter

[WBDaddy]

Added an illustration to the first chapter

The illustration is cool, but the hint was about being more descriptive in your narration. I mean, you're working the emotional angle well, but I'm finding myself struggling to get a real visual grip on what's happening - it's not yet a movie in words...

[gah!ghost]

Hah, yah I know. I have just been wanting to add some illustrations. I want to do one for each chapter.

[DDude25]

More illustrations!

[gah!ghost]

I'll try! I'm petty darn busy this week so I'll probably do more writing if anything. I don't do illustration enough in my job and thus I still end up taking way too much time to do it. Next week though I'm off for most of the week so hopefully will make some serious headway in both writing and illustration.

[diaperpt]

I'm pretty confused about the whole story. I know you're trying to keep us in suspense, so I'll just go with it. Maybe when it's done I'll understand or if not then, I can re-read everything and get it. I'm intrigued just as WBDaddy is.

[gah!ghost]

I'm all up for any critique. It's hard to step back from something that's in your head and see the holes in explanation if you don't have a lot of experience which I don't. The plot should read like:

- People wake up locked into one floor of a hotel

- They have been changed

- They all have various levels of memory of what happened

- No one knows exactly what happened

If that doesn't come across yet I need to reassess what I've written so far for sure. I am going to try to put in more descriptive writing in the next two chapters when I go re-write them. I actually have a tendency to over-describe things and I think I've been way too conscious of that and gone to far in the opposite direction.

[diaperpt]

No, I don't think you've over-described. Maybe you could have done even a little more description, feelings, emotions, etc. This must be pretty disconcerting to the people involved.

As to the plot, yup, that's what I've gotten. Also the flash back from where they individually enter the room and the light goes red for a while. Also that it was two couples to start with? And now so far 3 women?

Continue with your work. It was intended to be a little fuzzy, so that's ok. Thanks for your work. I'm looking forward to more.

[WBDaddy]

As far as excessive description is concerned, as long as you're not hitting Gerald's Game levels, you should be okay.

(For those who never read it, Gerald's Game was quite possibly the worst horror novel Stephen King ever wrote - nearly 1000 pages to describe three days of a naked woman handcuffed to a bed with her dead husband on the floor nearby)

[gah!ghost]

diaperpt: I was saying when I normally write anything I go overboard with description so when writing this I have been trying to not do that and in doing so I think I have gone too far and don't have enough description at all.

Also, yes, there where two guys and two girls and now there's apparently three girls but don't forget there's still one door locked. More to come on that.

For now I'm not going to go back and add in more description but will do so on upcoming chapters. Plot wise this is kind of a horror plot but without the horror.