Nervous About The Future-Intimate Relationships

[toddmdl]

I have always throughtout my life had numerous mood swings since I was a little kid. Over the years I have tried to figure myself out and it is still a long work in progress. Anyway I probably can't go into every little detail as the post would be just too long. I think my worries and anxieties I have always had and still have, I think it relates to this abdl thing. I've always had a desire to return to my toddler years. I have very vivid memories relating to the diapers and toilet training. I can't believe how much I truly can remember going back to the age of 2. I remember after being toilet trained I was really a very torn child. I was glad to be praised, considered to be a "big kid" or whatever but I also didn't want to leave those years behind and the diapers themselves. I think it goes beyond any material item and relates to some connection with people in my family. I tried to suppress it as I got a little older thinking the yearning to go backwards was wrong until I started a random search about diapers and found all these sites. It just had to do with the diapers not really talking or acting like a baby or small child in any other way.

The point I guess is that this whole part of me that is very secret bothers me every day. Mainly because as time goes on I miss my earliest years more and more and I have a desire to rekindle whatever human emotional connection there was in my toddler years from the diapers to the toilet training. I don't truly understand what it was or what this all means but I do know it has become very sexualized in my case. I have been with women in intimate sexual relations and at times I have not been able to perform because by herself she could not turn me on. As a young teen I was interested in seeing women naked but it did not turn me on the way my memories of my toddler years did or the fantasy of a woman replicating those memories. That truly scares me as I am concerned I have a debilitating paraphilia and that it is the only thing that will turn me on. I'm concerned that it limits me from being able to find a partner at all. I do not really partake in this fetish at all other than reading about it sometimes or envisioning the memories or fantasies. I'm a fully functioning adult with a wide variety of things and interests in my life. I guess it goes back to the idea that most women just think this stuff is weird and creepy.

I know there are plenty of people married happily so I know I'm not alone in this area. Although I know there are some that have spouses that want nothing to do with it and they are on their own with this stuff. I'm not sure yet if I could live with that or not. I'm thinking not. I'm concerned that I can't be turned on without this stuff. However maybe I'm worrying too much about this and should look at the actual human connection that I am longing for rather than the material aspect. The whole thing just kind of makes me lonely sometimes and to feel a bit disconnected even when dating since it has become such a huge insecurity for me. I kind of wish it would all go away at times so I wouldn't be limited in who I date or potentially marry. Although I am torn in that kind of wishful thinking as well. Thanks to anyone who read.

[beallucanb]

If you are happy the way you are stay that way, if women don't turn you on why try to be with one.

Most kids minds are drilled with the I have to get married thing, by the parents wanting there kids to have a life just like the one they have.

[Guest Wxbuon]

There are women out there who wil accept you and even induldge you. Trust me you just have to try and find a very open minded girl