Worried About My Future

[Elfy]

OK, I'm not actually depressed (although this touches on a lot of tough topics for me) but I'm corncerned about the future, and I have suffered anxiety attacks in the past which left me needing anti-depressent medication.

Now I've spoken about this in other places but heres a short run down of my last 6 months. I had bisexual feelings which I'd never acted on, found Infer on the chat on here one night, met up, fast forward 6 months and we are very much in love and looking to a future together.

Now here is where the problem lies.

I am very much a grounded person in the sense that moving away from England is just about the scariest thing I can imagine. I really, really don't want to leave everything and everyone I know and love behind.

On the other hand Infer really wants a career in the video games industry... which would mean a move away from this country to Japan or Canada or another country that would help in his search.

We seem to be compromising that for a year, at least, I'll move down to his (Portsmouth) in July and replace one of his housemates and see what happens for a year. Which I like because it means I can still get to work (at a push) and visit friends and family occasionally whilst being with Infer more full time. But I feel guilty that I am tying him down, I know he'll read this and we have talked about all this before but its scary for me.

I don't think Infer minds staying in Portsmouth with me for a year but I'm worried my desire to stay where I am and his desire to travel will lead to a problem sometime that could break us.

There are other worries too, such as after 6 months together I have only told 4 people that I'm bisexual (Mum, Dad and two best friends) now the problem here is that whoilst my parents seem OK with it and one of my friends is OK with it the other one I'm not so sure about. Since I told him he has been acting weird towards me and I'm worried moving in with Infer will break the friendship (this friendship means an awful lot to me since I have literally known him all my life and we are pretty much as close as two people can be without ny romantic stuff).

Infer has also mentioned engagement... Whilst I am honoured and very happy, I am so worried about what others will think that I'm scared to get that far. I suppose I'm still suffering from feelings of shame that I'm with a guy, and that makes me feel terrible because I love Infer with all my heart but at the same time I feel like I'm letting him down by feeling like I do.

Does anyone have any advice?

[LilFozzyJ5]

Well it was brave of you to post such personal feelings on here Elf, especially as Infer can also read this.

Advice is a difficult thing to provide, and openly on a forum always subject to scrutiny from others, so this is not advice, more, my own feelings.

Reference your feelings towards others finding out and their consequential judgement of you, well in polite terms, screw them. What you do with your life and how you choose to live it is no one else