The Date

[P.Longabaugh81]

Co-written with my partner from Messy Jessie. This one

[diaper24/7]

Ok here my option This whole plot bad with charater development you have and over all story it self it like just wrote and did't think before posting it just very make no sine story and sorry if it harsh. This just my option on this I really think you need new plot then mind control guy.

[WBDaddy]

I disagree with D24/7. For a short story, the plot is pretty well on. However, whether you'll find much of an audience for what is essentially a scat-fest is another question entirely.

[Crimson_Wolf]

Ok here my option This whole plot bad with charater development you have and over all story it self it like just wrote and did't think before posting it just very make no sine story and sorry if it harsh. This just my option on this I really think you need new plot then mind control guy.

Really? Have you never read a novel that told a story where the characters past and development come at different parts of the book. This story is better than the stories I have read on this site and others. At least the mind control isn't using subliminal messages or hypnotism to control the two characters. Plus the author is planning on continuing the story by poling us on where to start next.

[P.Longabaugh81]

Really? Have you never read a novel that told a story where the characters past and development come at different parts of the book. This story is better than the stories I have read on this site and others. At least the mind control isn't using subliminal messages or hypnotism to control the two characters. Plus the author is planning on continuing the story by poling us on where to start next.

Thanks. Glad someone appreciates it.

[tiggerboy]

I actually really liked it.

The formatting made it very difficult to read, but as a story it was actually quite good.

[JewGold]

Hello again Mr. Longbaugh.

Excellent work, I do hope you'll keep it up.

[P.Longabaugh81]

Thanks guys, glad you liked it.

I actually really liked it.

The formatting made it very difficult to read, but as a story it was actually quite good.

D'oh! Thought I fixed that! It should be ok now... sorry 'bout that guys.

[tiggerboy]

You got any more coming?

[P.Longabaugh81]

You got any more coming?

My partner's already working on it. I've got a private commission I need to get cleared up first, but that should be finished by the weekend, tops. After that I'll be able to devote my full attention to the next part, which I think will be officer Guzman.

[tiggerboy]

Officer Guzman won't know what hit her.