I'M Going To Try It And See If I Like It

[Kari]

Wow, was I babbling on...

But I did want to make a comment. (about something)

I want to know how to get over the mental aspect of dirtying a diaper.

I have "done it" in my diaper and/or panties in the the past.

Only to feel tremendous shame and disgust.

I'm a slave to the porcelain throne on this one.

I want to enjoy it the same way I did as a toddler.

Sneaking into a private corner or a "safe place".

Bending my knees and assuming the position.

Then feeling good about what I have done.

Here's what has been a problem in the past.

"Normal" people don't do this?

Feeling like it's a mental illness issue.

The smell bothers me.

I cannot relax.

Always saying "never again".

Cannot take time to just sit and play afterwards.

The first reaction is to take a long hot shower.

Has anyone else had to overcome these issues?

Or is it maybe just not my thing?

[Kari]

I did it...

Here's my recap.

I went to a corner of my room and got in a squatting position and sucked my thumb.

Guess I use to do that as a Toddler.

At first it was no big deal.

It's in the diaper, not on me.

Sitting down was slow and careful.

Eww, it's on my butt now. I'm trying not to move to much.

I'm forcing myself to stay this way for 30 minutes b/f I run for a hot shower.

And not feel shame after it's all said and done.

[timmyc]

you either like it or you don't I don't think anyone can be forced to like it. Nothing wrong with being potty trained for that.

[square_duck]

well, as has been said in many other threads about this topic, it's either something you can handle or not. It's an acquired activity, something some people have to get used to. I've been doing it since I was a kid around 10 or so, so it's no big deal for me

The revulsion you feel is the echoes from your P/T days and things your parents said or did to get you to keep clean and do things 'right'. And they only did this so that they would have to change you anymore and clean up your stinky messes So they embarrass you and other stuff (only babies do that etc) to get you to take more care of yourself.

This 'programming' can be undone, but it just takes time. You have to follow what "YOU" like and enjoy, since you are an 'adult' and not subject to your parents 'approval' anymore etc...so keep practicing..or just don't do it anymore *shrug* it's up to you. It doesn't bother me really since I have been doing it so long, I haven't recently because of privacy issues but when I am alone, I carry on if I need to go and it doesn't bug me...because It's mine and I know where it comes from

Anways, either way, enjoy and do what makes you happy.

[BabyJune]

I just poop and change right away. I don't like the mess, but it feels so good to do it. I guess it's which feeling outweighs the other. If you find an efficient way to clean up afterward, you might enjoy it more. (I'm sure babies don't enjoy sitting around in a soiled diaper. That's probaby one of the things that makes them cry).

[QT4u]

Don't force yourself to like it, or it's just no fun.

[Creepymouse]

I have to agree with June on the thought that it feels good to DO it, but the result isn't necessarily the most pleasant aspect. I'm pretty sure most babies don't like being messy for long, but TODDLERS OTOH may (or may not) LOVE being messy.

Personally, I described it to a mommy-type who didn't understand, as follows: I find pooping my pants (and to a lesser extent wetting) to be one of the most infantile acts. Almost any other babyish action can be accepted by many people in one context or another. Even pacifiers have become somewhat more acceptable as a result of the rave culture. SO many people have such an aversion that they won't or can't have a BM outside their own bathroom at home. By far the majority would gladly forever forgo the experience if they could.

In letting go, letting myself take the BIGGEST step into infancy, not only do I feel great pleasure, but a sense of essentiality that I can't explain. I sometimes enjoy the feeling of a nice hard poo in my diaper, or a pudding-like mess from a lot of psyllium, but much more often, it is the simple act of MAKING the mess that feels so good.

It is natural, there is nothing to be ashamed of. If you don't enjoy it, that's ok, but you shouldn't feel the need to be ashamed. You're not doing anything wrong, just something you were TOLD was wrong.