The Funeral

[WBDaddy]

Fair warning: This is not a happy story, and diapers are not central to the plot, though they do play somewhat of a prominent role.

The Funeral

Chapter 1

...SHUT UP you little bastard, or I'll GIVE you something to...

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Gary sat bolt upright and slammed the alarm clock. He was soaked in sweat. He looked at the clock - 8:35. "DAMMIT!" - He was going to be late to work again, and no chance to even grab a quick shower. He grabbed a towel out of the hamper and wiped himself down, ripped a shirt and pants out of the closet, slung a tie across his shoulder, and furiously dressed as he hopped toward the front door. Thankfully, he had left his wallet and keys on the end table next to the door. He grabbed them and stuffed them into his pants pocket, then stumbled out the door still wrestling his shoes on. 

Gary hated listening to the radio driving to work. It reminded him too much of how he let his mother bully him into turning down the scholarship to Juliard and instead getting a degree in accounting. "Bitch. It was her idea to make me play the stupid piano in the first place." So he normally drove to work in silence. This morning, however, his nerves were shot. The dreams had been getting more intense, and had been following him into daylight. He cranked up the stereo as loud as it would go as he fought through the morning rush hour traffic. "At least it's not New York anymore", he thought morosely, as David Bowie serenaded him from the stock speakers in his aging Seville SLS. If he were still working for that high-power firm that recruited him out of Princeton, living in White Plains (the company that bought him that car, brand new, as a bonus his second year), it wouldn't have been worth it to bother going in, getting started this late. Not that the commute from Concord, NH to Manchester was any treat at this time of day, but at least it was under 45 minutes, even in the worst jams. 

Don't lean on me man, cause you can't afford the ticket...

Gary finally pulled into the company garage at 9:20 and headed for the elevator. He grabbed a comb out of his back pocket and tried to create some sort of order in the chaos that was his hair. He hit the 25th floor and tried to act nonchalant as he headed for his cubicle. This was his 7th job in 10 years, pretty much the same story every time. Come in like a ball of fire, be the company superstar for 4-5 months until the challenge of the job ran out and everything became droll and routine. Then the slow decline, and finally the getting fired for something idiotic like, well, being chronically late. He was definitely on the tail end of the slide at this place, trying to hang on while he updated his resume and looked for the next city to run to.

He slid into his chair and woefully stared at the overflow in his inbox. Concentration was never his best friend, but lately the dreams were overwhelming his waking mind, making life in general an afterthought. He fired up his PC and logged into the VPN. He checked his calendar: "Great. Another glorious productivity meeting with Bert. How the fuck does he expect us to be productive when he's dragging us into meetings every other day?" He checked his watch. Meeting was in 10 minutes. "Even better!", he thought, knowing that his half-completed report was still waiting for him in Word. He printed off what he had and trudged over to the pool's laser at the end of the row to pick it up.

...No...I'm sorry...I'll do it!!! Please!!!

You had your chance, you little BRAT!!!

"Makowski!"

"Huh?!"

"Are you going to share your data with us today, or were you planning on just staring at it for the duration of the meeting?"

The entire room was staring Gary's direction as he turned red and fumbled through his haphazardly assembled document. Thankfully, Gary had done the analysis and put together his conclusion before he actually wrote the report, so he mustered up his best improv and stumbled through a quick presentation. After Gary's close, Bert resumed his rambling on about quality and efficiency, and Gary drifted back into his thoughts. After what seemed an eternity, the meeting finally ended, and he headed back to his desk.

What greeted him was a bit of a shock. At the top of his incoming e-mail was something from Aunt Karen: "You need to call me immediately." He opened it - nothing in the body except her number. This was truly strange. His aunt hated computers; she always found electronic communication to be "cold and impersonal". He grabbed his phone and dialed her number...

"Hello?"

"Aunt Karen?"

"Gary? Damn you, you are the most difficult person to contact!"

"Well, the jobs have..."

"Yes, I know, you change jobs more frequently than you used to change your underwear. Not the point. You need to get out here, Gary. Your mother's gone."

He paused on these last three words. "Gone where? And why do I give a damn?"

"No, Gary. She died two nights ago."

It felt like Cain Velasquez punched him in the sternum. He hadn't spoken to his mother in the 10 years since he graduated college, and barely communicated with her while he was at Princeton. But she was only 53. How the hell?

"What happened?"

"The doctor says she had a massive stroke. Probably a side effect of all the drinking."

Drinking? He remembered his mother being a miserable bitch, but he never remembered her drinking... 

"What drinking?"

"Your mother started drinking after your father died. She kept it pretty low key until you left for college, but the next 15 years was pretty much non-stop bender once she got all the kids sent off to their parents for the evening."

The daycare operation... Gary shivered as he recalled all the times he was pressed into service acting as his mother's "assistant" dealing with all those little preschoolers when he got home from school. 

"Jesus Christ, Aunt Karen. Let me get off here and take care of the bereavement leave and book my flight."

"You want me to pick you up in St. Paul?"

"No, it's fine, I'll rent a car."

"Alright, Gary. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I'll call you when I have my booking."

"Okay then. Be safe."

"Bye."

Gary hung up the phone. His mind was swimming in a mixture of raw emotion and confusion. He fired up the company intranet software and filled out his bereavement request. He then opened up an airline page, when he heard a voice behind him:

"Going on vacation, are we?" It was Bert. "If I presented something that sloppy at a board meeting, I'd be trying to catch a flight out of town myself."

Gary turned around and fired off without thinking. "Go to hell, Bert. My mother just died, and I have a funeral to attend!"

His boss stepped back, stunned for a moment. "I apologize. Have a safe trip." He sheepishly backed away and headed toward his office.

Gary finished booking the flight. "6 a.m. Lovely", he thought to himself. He hated early morning departures, but there were no red-eyes available out of Manchester International or Boston tonight, and the last thing he wanted was to deal with rush hour traffic on the way to the airport in the morning. He shut down his computer, grabbed his jacket, and headed toward the elevator.

[diaperpt]

This is the start of a very good story. I'm looking forward to seeing more.

[WBDaddy]

Chapter 2

4:30 came entirely too quickly for Gary that morning. Sleep, on the other hand, didn't come at all. It was all so much to process - the guilt, the anger, all the other unresolved feelings that roared back onto his quietly fragile mental state like a tsunami over a thatched-roof fishing village in Bali. At least the dreams stayed away for a night, as he packed and repacked, smoked an entire pack of cigarettes he had bought on the way home ("Dammit, I had them beat for 3 years, and this had to happen!"). Finally, he shut the house down and poured himself and his suitcase into the car. Not much sense waiting around until the last minute to catch the flight. As he drove, images of a past that seemed to be centuries old wandered in and out of his consciousness.

Life prior to high school was largely a fog in Gary's mind. Memories beyond that were scarce, and largely centered around piano recitals, school friends, and other seemingly insignificant components of his life. He had virtually no recollection of his father, not surprising, since he died when Gary was 5. The struggle to recall home life at all was the strange disconnect. There had to be some happy memory of interacting with her, right? Lord knows it didn't happen during the last 4 years they spent under the same roof. How many times did she tell him it was his fault Dad killed himself? The bitch was efficient, there was no doubt of that. She knew exactly which buttons set him off, and exactly which ones cut his balls off and rendered him helpless, and she pushed every one on what seemed like a daily basis while he was in high school. If he brought home a B, it should have been an A. If he made a single mistake on a recital piece, she was all over it. Hell, even if he played perfectly, she'd tell him he sandbagged it with an easy score. Never praise, only criticism.

He pulled into the private lot rented by the firm he worked for at Manchester-Boston Regional. It was a good 1000 feet from the terminal, but it beat paying $30 a day for the dropoff service. He figured he'd be in Grand Forks for at least a week just sorting out his mother's personal effects, never mind dealing with whatever estate issues had to happen. He trudged up to the main entrance and found his way to the Southwest terminal. All flights on time, the ticker reported happily. "Thank God for that" he muttered. He checked his watch - 5:15. Well, maybe he could have waited a bit longer at the house. He sat down in front of the terminal desk, pulled out his Droid, and began browsing. He spent a lot of time on E-bay, looking at keyboards he'd like to buy. Not that he couldn't afford them, but every time he started to bid, that sense of hopelessness came rushing back - "What's the fucking point?!", his logical brain would eventually shout down at him, and he'd morosely continue to torture himself by looking.

This time, he didn't go there. He wandered to a flash game site he visited occasionally - great games, but with the annoying side feature of a video commercial prior to each game loading. He stumbled over to Gemcraft Chapter Zero - he'd been playing this one off and on for months, there was just no finishing the game. They usually popped up commercials of Air Wick air fresheners, as though any gamer hardcore enough to sludge their way through that game would give a damn about how the house smelled. This time it was, oddly enough, a diaper commercial. Live and learn and get Luvs. He rolled his eyes and waited for the "Skip Ad" button to pop up - until a shot of a kid in a shirt and diaper running barefoot across a lawn stopped him cold. His hands started to shake, he bit down hard on his bottom lip, almost unconsciously, and for an instant he could feel a sting on his rear as he sat, transfixed. 

...so you did it again, did you? I'm beginning to think you LIKE getting your ass tanned...

"6:00 SHUTTLE TO BOSTON NOW BOARDING AT GATE 12!"

The blaring of the clerk announcing the next boarding call snapped him back to reality, and he fumbled the phone shut. "What the hell just happened?!", he thought to himself. It was at that moment he also realized he had an erection, almost painfully intense at that. He had always felt strangely uncomfortable walking down the diaper aisle in the grocery, but never anything like this.

As nonchalantly as he could, he readjusted his crotch area, pocketed his phone, and headed to the boarding area.

"Thank you for choosing Southwest Airlines. We are now ready for departure..."

The flight attendant's mousy voice over the intercom pulled Gary back into reality again. "After the funeral," he thought to himself, "I swear I'm making an appointment to see a shrink." He buckled his seatbelt absently as the plane began to take off. Thankfully, these early morning shuttles rarely were completely full, so he didn't have to deal with anyone sitting next to him. The downside on this particular morning is that it left him alone with his thoughts.

Gary rarely remembered dreams in their entirety, just brief flashes. The ones that had haunted him for the few weeks were no different in that respect, but they were never good. He'd wake bolt upright, and remember only a scrap - a shout, a sensation, a vague form of a person, and always pain, so much pain. It'd be so much easier if he could grab hold of something that happened in the dream - at least then he might have a fighting chance at figuring out what the hell was causing them. As it stood, he was in the dark, which made it all so much more aggravating.

The shuttle landed in Boston 20 minutes later. He trudged his way back to the terminal, then onto the plane bound for Minneapolis. He was grateful to have found at least a quasi-direct flight on such short notice, and even more glad one of the perks he got from work was free upgrades even on personal flights. He settled into his seat in first class and ordered a screwdriver. The flight attendant seemed a bit surprised, but shrugged and fixed him the drink. He buckled himself in and hammered back the glass, hoping the vodka might knock him out for a couple hours, as last night's insomnia-fest was starting to catch up to him. He leaned his seat back and nodded off almost instantly. This time not even the flight attendant's announcement woke him.

...I swear to GOD if you pull that shit again I'll make you regret the day your were born!

The attendant tapped him on the arm. Were it not for the seatbelt, he likely would have jumped directly through the ceiling. "Sir, we've landed in Minneapolis." Gary fumbled and knocked the remains of his cocktail into his lap. "SHIT!" At least he wore jeans instead of his usual dress slacks today. The attendant quickly handed him some paper towels. He wiped up as much as he could of the orange juice and vodka in his crotch, unbuckled the seatbelt, stood up, and grumbled his way toward the exit. As he found his way to the terminal for the shuttle to Grand Forks, bemoaning his luck, what he didn't realize was that there was already a wet spot there before the drink was spilled.

[WBDaddy]

Chapter 3

Fortune did manage to smile on Gary, as he was able to find a bathroom to change his soaking wet pants and underwear, yet still make the connector to Grand Forks. The fitful 3-hour nap from Boston to Minneapolis gave him enough of a recharge to where he wasn't struggling to keep his eyes open anymore, and his stomach made him quite aware that he hadn't eaten anything since yesterday around 1 pm, on his way home from work.

Gary's eating patterns had always seemed to center around his job - breakfast on the way in, lunch as an excuse to hobnob with executives that might make his ascent up the company ladder quicker (though usually resulting in his more rapid demise), and dinner on the way home. His refrigerator rarely had anything but a six pack, some leftovers, or maybe a half-drunk bottle of wine from a previous date. Not that his love life was anything but sporadic and unpredictable. Women were a lot like jobs - he'd date one a few times, get passionate for a month or so while the newness was still there, then get bored and lose interest. Rare was the woman who challenged him mentally long enough to keep him interested for more than a few months. He was actually glad he wasn't seeing anyone at this point - bringing a date to a funeral for a woman he despised probably wouldn't earn him many compassion points with the date. 

By the time the shuttle landed in Grand Forks, the headrest on the seat in front of him was starting to look appetizing. He scrambled off the plane, bolted to the Hertz counter to pick up his rental ("What luck, a Caddy!" he mused as he hit the parking lot), and hot-footed it to Berta's. This was the diner he and his friends practically lived in during high school. The food was terrible, but in that comforting, familiar sort of way. He ordered a Rakfisk stuffed with lox, sour cream, and onions, and sipped a cup of brutally strong coffee while he waited. As he stared at the ragged old menu blankly, a gruff voice spoke up behind him:

"Well if it isn't the fucking smartass city slicker decided to grace us with his presence."

Gary smiled and spun the bar stool around. He hadn't seen Jesse since he graduated Princeton, but he knew that voice from a mile away. "Hey you country sonofabitch, how the fuck are you?!" he said to the heavily bearded, burly man standing behind him. He stood up and they embraced roughly. Jesse was one of the two best friends Gary ever had. Jesse, Frank, and Gary all grew up in the same neighborhood and were attached at the hip all throughout grade school, middle school, and high school. After high school, Frank had joined the Air Force, done a couple tours bombing Iraq and Serbia. Last Gary knew, he was still stationed at Minot AFB over on the western side of the state. Jesse basically took over his dad's farm down in Crookston, a massive 500 acre cattle ranch, when his dad broke his back getting thrown off a horse. The three had always stayed in touch casually, over the phone, via e-mail, etc, but Jesse felt a warmth inside him he hadn't felt in a long time seeing his old partner in crime again, aged or not.

"So what in the hell are you doing in the city, redneck? Don't you have some cows to feed?" Jesse laughed.

"Shit. I done already fed the herd. Some people actually get up before the crack of noon to get their shit done! I was just up here picking up some parts for the damned milkers. I swear, those things are broke more often than they're working." Jesse grinned.

"Crack of noon my ass!" Gary shot back. "I was on a goddamned plane at 6 am this morning!"

"Whatever." Jesse rolled his eyes. "So what in the hell are you doing in town, and more importantly, why the fuck didn't you call and TELL me you were coming in?"

Gary quieted a bit. "Aunt Karen called me yesterday. Mom died on Tuesday. I didn't have.."

"Oh shit!" Jesse cut him off. "Sorry, man, forget about it."

"Believe me, I'm only here to take care of whatever bullshit she left behind undone. Fuck that bitch. The last thing I wanted to do on a trip back here was sit and listen to some preacher tell everyone how great she was." Gary's smile dissipated quickly as he recalled the misery of home life in high school, the constant sniping, berating, and arguments.

"Come on, man, I mean, I know you two fought, but you gotta let that shit go." Jesse's eyes softened. Gary could read the concern on his face.

"I'm fine, brother. If anything, I'll be able to bury all that negative shit when I bury her tomorrow."

"Well hell, you gonna hang around a while, or just tear out after the funeral?"

"Nah, I got two weeks automatic from the company for bereavement. I'll probably be kicking around here most of that time."

"Well shit, then. I'll call Frank and see if he can ditch his charges long enough to come over and drink a few with us."

"'Charges'?!" Gary asked incredulously.

"Oh hell yeah" Jesse laughed. "He's a high-falutin' drill sergeant up there in Minot! He got bored of kicking Arab ass, so now he's kicking American ass, handling the new recruits!"

Best as he could, Gary couldn't picture Frank, the ringleader on their merry adventures into trouble, screaming in some poor 18-year-old's face about the "right" way to do things... 

"Anyway, I gotta pick those parts up and get the hell back to the ranch before those milk heifers get too bitchy. You still at the same number as last time I heard from you?"

"Naw, I got a 603 phone now." Gary quickly scribbled his number on a napkin and handed it to Jesse. "Hell yeah, tell that bastard to carry his ass down here." 

"I'll do it!", Jesse smiled, and grabbed Gary in another bear hug. "Good to have you back in town again, man." He let go, then grabbed his shoulders. "Next time, don't wait for someone to DIE, eh?"

"I won't, bro." Gary smiled wistfully as Jesse left the diner. He turned back around and set into his rakfisk, and let his mind wander once more.

[babyjennie]

Wowee! Well done, WB Daddy! What a great start to a story. Please keep writing and posting.

Baby Jennie

[WBDaddy]

I'm happy to keep posting until we catch up to where I am in the writing, so long as peeps are interested.

[WBDaddy]

Chapter 4

The worst trouble with roads in North Dakota is how mind-numbingly flat and straight they are, and US 81 from Grand Forks to Grafton is no exception. Gary found himself zoning in and out all the way, drifting through memories, with the occasional oncoming car punctuating what seemed a vast expanse of nothing. It was only an hour's drive, but it felt like an eternity had passed before he finally pulled off the highway and up the dirt track to the venerable old farm house. 

Karen was the eldest of the two sisters, and the farm was thrust upon her as a teenager, after her father ran off with another woman and her mother developed pancreatic cancer shortly thereafter. By the time Karen was eighteen and Josie was 10, she basically was the matriarch of the household, tending their mother, the farm, and Josie. When Mom finally died a couple years later, Karen fought Social Services to keep Josie with her until she graduated high school. Karen never found time for relationships, and never married as a result. Gary spent many a summer on Karen's farm, just to get away from his overbearing mother. 

As Gary pulled up next to Aunt Karen's ancient F-150 she'd owned since she was old enough to drive it, she appeared at the doorstep with a knowing smile on her weathered face. For the first time since the phone call, Gary began to choke up as he pulled the keys out of the ignition and opened the door. Gary was the son Karen never had, and Karen was the mother Gary wished he'd had. He stepped out of the car and walked up toward the door. Karen came out and met him with arms open, and as they embraced, he felt tears well up. She looked him up and down and declared "Good lord, Gary, has it been that long, that you've evolved from a gangly teenager to such a stunning young man so quickly?" 

He laughed and wiped his eyes. "It feels like forever ago since you were teaching me to run that infernal combine." 

She sighed, "Yes, that was forever ago, wasn't it. Well come in, and I'll fix some lunch. You must be starved!"

Gary smiled. "Actually, I had breakfast at Berta's before I came over!"

"Good Lord!" she scolded. "I can't believe you call that food, the slop they serve over there!"

"Well, I did pretty much live on that 'slop' in high school." Gary laughed.

"Yes, and that's why you were so damned skinny!" Karen shot back. "Now come in here and let me feed you a proper home-cooked meal!"

Gary walked back to the car to grab his bag and quickly headed up the steps. "I've missed you, Aunt Karen." 

"Well whose fault is that? Not like you couldn't have come out to visit once in a while!"

Gary's smiled faded a bit. "Yeah, I know, I got the same earful from Jesse over at Berta's."

"Jesse? How is that little rascal these days?"

"I almost didn't recognize him at the diner, what with all the hair everywhere. I swear he's working on an audition for ZZ Top with that beard he's put together!"

Jesse entered the house and was taken aback immediately. It was as though the place were frozen in time, everything exactly as it was when he said goodbye to her nearly 15 years before. A wave of reminiscence washed over him, and he stumbled a bit at the suddenness of it.

"Are you alright, dear?" Karen looked concerned. 

"Sure, I'm fine, just exhausted, really. I haven't really slept since we talked yesterday, except on the plane from Boston to Minneapolis", he sighed.

"Well that won't do at all! Here, let me take your bag upstairs, and you make yourself comfortable on the sofa." Before Gary could protest, she had his gym bag off his shoulder and heading up to the second story of the house.

"Aunt Karen, there's a wet pair of jeans and boxers in there, I spilled a drink on myself on the plane", he shouted up the stairs.

"Don't you worry, I'll take care of those!" Karen called back.

Gary settled in on a corner of the couch and continued absorbing the scene around him. His aunt was a pragmatist, and the decor reflected her personality. The furniture was comfortable, but not excessively so. Two couches, both long enough to lie down on, but neither soft enough to fall asleep on either. A few picture frames on the mantle over the fireplace - his grandmother, mother, and him. An old coffee-table, built of heavy timber, with an unfinished top. A few pieces of decorative glass that belonged to his grandmother still adorned the windowsills. It was like a snapshot of another century, save the 13" television in the corner of the room. 

The moment was broken by the sound of Aunt Karen thumping back down the steps. "Vodka at 7 am? Really, Gary!" 

He stammered for a moment at the reprimand. "I... I was running on no sleep, and figured I'd try and force the issue. Hey, it worked." 

She just smiled and sat down on the other end of the sofa. "Well, I've unpacked all your things in your room, and I'll wash those jeans later. Meanwhile, catch me up, will you? Are you still working up in New Hampshire? How's the job going?"

"Yes, I'm still at that place. The sad truth is, it's all numbers, and they look the same no matter who is signing the checks, really." 

"Well how about your love life? Any prospects for giving me a great-nephew?" 

"You know me, Aunt Karen. I get bored of women as easily as I get bored of jobs..."

"Yes, I know. Your mother didn't exactly help with that either..."

Gary's expression darkened considerably. "You know, I get that I was a disappointment to her, I get that she blamed me for Dad killing himself, but why the..."

"What?!" Karen looked horrified. "Your father didn't kill himself! He died in a hunting accident! Why, Jane Duchsherer's husband can attest to that, he was there! Don't tell me she... Oh God, Gary."

He sat in stunned silence, his eyes welling up again. "She did. Seemed like every other day she told me 'Your father wanted a girl, and you were such a disappointment he shot himself'" he spat through the tears. "Sadistic fucking BITCH!"

Karen moved closer and embraced him, leaning his head upon her chest. "I always knew she was angry, Lord knows I watched it all through her teenage years, and I surely saw it on your backside every time you came over here, but I never knew how far it went, how determined she was to give that hate to you, poor child..."

She held him tight as he wept into her bosom for what seemed like hours, as all the emotions overwhelmed him like a stampede.

[diaperpt]

Excellent story. Great detail, great job of drawing the characters. You've really drawn me in on this one.

[WBDaddy]

Chapter 5

...just imagine what your friends will say when they see...

Gary awoke with a start, disoriented. He took a moment to get his bearings - he was lying on the couch where he and Aunt Karen had been sitting, covered with an old throw blanket, a pillow propped under his head. The sun was beginning to set, as he could see through the bay window. He heard a car door slam outside and footsteps toward the front door. He stood up nervously and looked outside - it was Aunt Karen coming up the walk. He then noticed something else he wasn't expecting - his crotch was soaked, as was most of the left side of his pants. He stopped, horrified, and looked woefully under the blanket at a large wet spot on the couch. Aunt Karen came through the door at precisely that moment.

"Hey Gary, did you sleep.... well?" She stopped and surveyed the scene. "You never told me about a wetting problem?" she asked nervously.

Gary was embarrassed and a bit indignant. "I don't HAVE a wetting problem - I have no idea what this is! I haven't wet the bed since..." he trailed off. He couldn't remember ever wetting the bed.

"Well, let's not worry about that now, I'll get this cleaned up, you go get changed, okay?" She smiled sweetly.

"Yeah... where did you go?" he queried.

"The wake, sweetie. You were obviously exhausted, and I didn't figure you were much interested, in the state you were in this afternoon." 

"Well, can't argue with that." Gary said flatly. He walked up the stairs and headed for the guest bedroom down the hall.

"Feel free to take a shower, dear" Karen called up the stairs behind him.

He undressed quickly, bewildered at what had just happened. He jumped into the shower and rinsed off quickly, his head full of unanswered questions. He grabbed a towel that had been laid out on the sink and dried off, then headed back to the bedroom to put on fresh clothes. He came down the steps and saw Aunt Karen stirring a pot over the stove. "Feeling better, dear?" she asked.

"I'm so sorry about that, Aunt Karen. That's never happened to me before."

She turned around with a look of concern on her face. "Tell me, Gary, did you sleep on the plane?"

He was thoroughly confused at this point. "Yeah, I told you I pretty much nodded off right after I had that drink."

"Well, vodka and orange juice weren't the only things on those pants, dear... Are you sure you haven't..."

Now he was completely bewildered. "No, I swear, this has never happened before!"

"Then we definitely need to get you to the doctor on Monday. You might have a bladder infection or something else going on down there..." she said sternly.

"Yeah, I'll do that..." he offered. "...along with that shrink..." he thought to himself as he put his shoes on.

"Where are you going off to now?" Karen asked, still concerned.

"I'm going to head into town and get a drink, clear my head a bit." he replied without much conviction.

"Drinking isn't going to solve anything, Gary, you know that." she said sternly.

"No, but this isn't a problem-solving mission, either." he smiled back.

He headed toward the door. "Be careful, Gary, please." she sighed. He embraced her and said "Don't worry so much. I'll be fine." 

"Here, you'll need a house key." she reached into a drawer and handed him what looked to be her spare set. 

"Thanks." He smiled and walked out into the sunset.

He fired up the Caddy and headed back down to Grand Forks, his head swimming. The events of the last 24 hours had just amplified what had already been going on with the dreams, and he really did need to clear his head for a while. He rolled down the window and let the cool evening air rush over his face. It did feel good to be back home, even if the circumstances were less than ideal. 

He cruised down through the several blocks where all the bars in town were clustered, right near UND's main campus. He was thankful the college scene had given rise to replacements for the old honky-tonk shitholes that used to dominate the landscape. He pulled up to the Toasted Frog and surveyed the landscape. Not particularly busy, but happy hour was already over, and it was a bit early for the night life to surface. He was grateful, in a way. He was there for a numbing agent, not a party. He walked in and sat down on the end of the bar. The bartender was a heavy girl, looked to be mid-20's, short and stout, like so many Upper Midwest women were. She came up and smiled and said "You need a menu, sugar, or you just drinking?" 

It occurred to him he hadn't eaten anything since mid-morning. "I'll take a menu and a vodka martini, dry." he grinned back. 

"Sure thing, sugar. I'll be right back with your drink." She handed him a menu from under the bar and went off to fix his drink. He glanced through the offerings - pizza, lots of pizza, the new trendy brick-oven fiddly stuff - artichoke hearts, feta cheese, wild mushrooms... He found his way to the sandwiches. Even the burgers were all uppity - ground lamb with mango salsa ("what a terrible combination" he thought to himself), "shallot infused" angus beef... He sighed and folded it back up. 

The bartender arrived with his drink and chirped "You figure out what you want, sugar?" 

He grimaced a bit - that routine was getting old - and said "let me get the angus burger, hold the onions, with fries, and please, stop calling me sugar." He did his best to sound gentle with that last part. 

She looked a bit hurt, but she smiled and said "I'm sorry, it's habit. I'll get right on that for you." and scurried back to the kitchen.

He surveyed the scene behind him as he sipped his martini. It was definitely a faux "towny" setup, a new place trying to look old. The place was mostly empty, and the few scattered customers seemed primarily interested in the food in front of them. "At least they make proper drinks", he thought to himself. He pulled out his Droid and thumbed through his messages. No calls, couple of texts from co-workers wondering where he had disappeared to in such a rush, nothing particularly important. He poked through his work e-mail for a few minutes, put the phone back in his pocket and drained the glass. He hadn't even set it down when the bartender came back with the sandwich and a bottle of ketchup. "You need a refill on that, shh... oops, sorry." 

He chuckled a bit. "Yes, please. You make a fine martini, young lady, keep 'em coming." She whisked the glass away as he investigated his plate. He had to admit, for all the foofy crap, it did look good, and his stomach informed him it was time to cease the inspection and get down to eating. He made short work of the sandwich, along with several more drinks, and sat back to enjoy the warm comfort of satiety. Nothing like a good meal and a good cocktail or four to unplug you from your troubles for a while. The party kids were starting to filter in the door. He looked up at the clock on the wall - quarter till 9. He waved at the bartender. "Need another one?" she called down. 

"Yes, and a check please." He had no interest in getting caught in the night crowd. The bartender delivered his drink and he handed her his Amex. He downed in one shot as she ran his card, and brought back the ticket. He signed it, left a ten, and hurried out the door.

As he pulled the Caddy out of its space, he could hear the whole block shift moods, with hooting and hollering and all the hustle and bustle of twenty-somethings looking to get loaded and laid. "Timed that just about right" he thought. The warm buzz of that last martini was just starting to hit his head as he got back onto the highway. For the first time since he left Manchester, he felt at relative peace.

When he arrived back at the farmhouse, most of the lights were off. "In bed already, Aunt Karen?" he mused as he pulled into the driveway. He stumbled a bit up to the door, unlocked it as quietly as he could, and tiptoed in. He headed upstairs to his room and turned the light on. He found a note on the bed: "It's just in case, dear." He looked quizzically, then sat down on the bed and heard what his aunt meant - she had put a rubber sheet on the bed. He felt a rush of shame for a moment, then shrugged and stripped down to his boxers. He got under the covers, grabbed his phone, and plugged in his headset. "Hope I can get some decent bandwidth out here..." he thought to himself as he surfed his way to Netflix. No such luck. He couldn't get a stream going to save his life.

Frustrated, he put the phone on the nightstand, turned off the light, and laid back, listening to the wildlife as their various noises drifted in with the breeze from the screen window. He closed his eyes and began to drift, and soon sleep was upon him.

[glenn63]

great story so far .. the neatest thing when i started to read it is the fact that i can relate to the location you started with because manchester and concord are my stompping grounds i was born and raised in manchester and lived a few minutes from manchester/boston regional air port keep the story going very good so far

[WBDaddy]

Chapter 6

Sunlight slipped through the bedroom window and tickled Gary's eyelids. He groggily raised his forearm and opened his eyes. The smell of bacon frying wafted up from the kitchen penetrated his nostrils, and he sat up. He was suddenly and acutely aware of another sensation, one less pleasant, one that fully awakened him most unpleasantly. He peeled back the covers and, sure enough, he was soaked. "GOD DAMN IT!" he barked. He threw the blanket and top sheet on the floor angrily, stripped his boxers off and wrapped them up in the bottom sheet. He staggered into the bathroom, frustrated and confused, and turned on the shower.

"Are you awake?" Aunt Karen called from downstairs. "How'd you sleep?"

"Like a baby - in more ways than one" Gary grumbled. 

"Oh dear. Well, get rinsed off and come have breakfast. I'll take care of the bedding." she called back.

The hot shower did nothing to ease his bewilderment. Oddly enough, he had no recollection of dreaming at all last night, yet the wetting had happened again. Maybe Aunt Karen was right - maybe it was just a bladder infection - but the timing seemed too perfect for something else... Every time he had slept since Thursday, his bladder let loose. He was aware of this kind of stress reaction in children, but never in an adult...

He toweled himself off and quickly put on the dress shirt and pants he had brought for the ceremony. He sauntered down the staircase in stocking feet, buttoning his shirt as he went. His aunt was in the kitchen preparing a feast seemingly for an army. Bacon was on the stove, eggs in another pan, biscuits cooling on a rack, and he caught the distinct smell of hashbrown pie from the oven. "Good grief, Aunt Karen, did you invite the town over for breakfast?" 

She laughed. "It's been a while since I had anyone to make breakfast for, sweetie. I might have gone a little overboard."

"When did you get up?" he asked, a bit stunned. 

"Oh come now, the farm doesn't take a day off - I've already been out to feed the cows this morning." she chuckled. "On a more serious note, I called Dr. Hjelmstad yesterday after you left, and he said he'd see you first thing on Monday, so hopefully we can solve this problem sooner rather than later." 

"That old geezer is still practicing? What is he, 100?" Gary said with a smirk.

"Shush, you! He's only 10 years my elder!" she scolded.

Gary poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. "I'm thinking about maybe picking up some of those guards today, in the interim. This is becoming entirely too much of a pattern." he said ruefully.

"Can't say it would be a bad idea, sweetie. A wet bed can't be helping your sleep..." she replied.

"Great", Gary grumbled to himself. "Now I'm wearing maxi-pads to bed. Can this get worse?"

A few short minutes before they left for the funeral, he got his answer. The skies had been growing cloudy all morning, and sure enough, they opened up wide as he finished dressing for the funeral. "I had to ask..." he moaned.

"Had to ask what?" Karen looked at him quizzically. 

"Oh, never mind." He shook his head. "I made the mistake of asking if it could get worse this morning..."

She chuckled. "A little rain never killed anyone, Gary, but asking that question has been the death of many. It's fine, I have an extra umbrella if you need it."

He had one - but it was in the car - not much good to him at this point. He sighed "Well, shall we get this over with?"

She nodded, and they headed out the door. They both piled into the Cadillac and made the much more miserable drive into town. The rain was heavy, and the wind was just strong enough to blow it around in such a way that visibility was challenging. They pulled into the funeral home and were directed to the front of the rather short procession in the parking lot. Most of the other attendees were former customers of her daycare. "Ironic", Gary thought to himself, "not only did she take better care of them, but they give a shit about her more than I."

They spent a few minutes inside, Karen chatting, Gary being barraged with "I'm so sorry" and "She was such a wonderful person" and all the other nauseating comments that he hoped to avoid when he skipped the wake. Finally, the funeral director herded everyone out to their vehicles, and they began the slow march to the cemetery.

When they finally arrived at Memorial Park, the wind had died down somewhat, but it was still raining steadily. They made their way to the grave site. Not surprisingly, they were burying her next to his father in the same plot. He saw the pall bearers approach with the casket, and recognized none of them. "Poor bastards", he thought to himself. "Ruining their suits while carrying some stranger's body, that's gotta suck."

The preacher could have delivered the Gettysburg Address, and Gary would have been oblivious. He was completely absorbed in his own thoughts as the rain pounded away on the umbrella above his head. In fact, Karen had to tap him on the shoulder as the group dispersed, as he was completely unaware that the ceremony was finished. 

"You alright, Gary?" she asked, concerned.

"I'm fine. Lot on my mind."

"Not so easy, when you realize she's really gone."

"Are you kidding?" Gary said brusquely "It's all this other weird shit that's going on. Hell with her, she can rot."

Karen was a bit stunned. "Oh... well... let's get in the car and out of the rain, shall we?"

They headed back to the car in silence. As he drove toward the exit, Karen timidly suggested "Don't forget to stop at the drugstore, Gary."

"Yeah, I'm headed that way." he said flatly. "Look, I'm not angry with you, Aunt Karen, I'm just angry. Sorry if I'm coming off that way."

"Gary, I've known you your whole life. I know you're not angry with me. I just wish you'd open up a little here. Bottling it up is just going to make matters worse."

He felt a twinge of guilt. Aunt Karen was just trying to help, and he was pushing her away over nothing more than pride. He pulled into the CVS parking lot. He was not looking forward to this at all. 

Karen saw it on his face. "Would you like me to get them? No one will question an old woman buying those sorts of things..."

He looked at her hopefully "Would you?"

"Of course, dear", she smiled sweetly back, and stepped out of the car. He watched her enter the pharmacy, and the guilt really started to sink in then. She was the only family he had ever known other than his mother, and Lord knows she cared for him more. He sat in somber silence, listening to the rain pound away on the car, and wandered into the confusion of his thoughts once more.

He was startled by the car door opening, as Aunt Karen hopped back into the car. She carried a couple of bags, which confused him. She saw his quizzical look and smiled. "Relax, Gary. I spoke with the pharmacist. He told me he doubted the guards would hold the contents of a grown man's full bladder, and suggested the undergarments..."

"You bought me diapers?!" Gary said incredulously.

"Yes, but I also knew you'd react that way, so I also bought the guards, so you can at least try that option first tonight."

Gary took a deep breath. "She's only trying to help..." he repeated to himself. He pulled the car out of the parking lot. "Thank you, Aunt Karen. I appreciate you doing that for me."

"Sweetheart, it was nothing. You're all the family I've got. It's the least I can do."

They drove back home in silence. The rain had slacked quite a bit, to a mere drizzle on the ride home. By the time they arrived, the clouds were just starting to break on the horizon, revealing a deep red sunset. He felt a sense of relief, that the dark clouds were dispersing with the dark deed finally completed. She was in the ground, and he could begin the process of forgetting she ever existed.

"Gary... are you planning to run the motor dry?" Karen asked, breaking the trance.

"Huh? Oh - right. He was a bit surprised that he had driven all the way home and parked the car, yet had no recollection of any of it. He turned the car off, and they both headed toward the house.

"Gary, why don't you take this stuff to your room, and maybe try one of the guards out, just in case you doze off before you make it upstairs? You look like you're about to fall asleep where you're standing!" 

He sheepishly took the bags and headed up to the bedroom. He pulled the first package out. "Depends Fitted Maximum Protection Overnight Briefs" he read. He tossed that bag to the side and pulled the second bag out. "Depends Regular Guards for Men... for light to moderate loss of bladder control." He ripped the bag open and pulled one out. Yep, exactly like an oversized maxi-pad, complete with sticky backing. He rifled through the drawer Aunt Karen had put his underwear and socks in. "Geez, glad I brought a couple of these" he muttered as he pulled out a pair of briefs and negotiated the pad into them. He slipped them on and put on a pair of jeans, tossing the suit pants onto the dresser. He walked back downstairs, feeling very self-conscious. Aunt Karen was sitting on the sofa, watching the news. She looked up and said "I thought I told you to try the guard on!" 

"Uh, I'm wearing one right now, Aunt Karen..." he said sheepishly. Feels weird, too.

"Oh good. Well, I wouldn't have known if you hadn't said something." 

Gary wondered if she wasn't doing all this just to make him feel better about his predicament. He shrugged and sat down. The reporter was talking excitedly about flooding in Minot. He wondered if Frank had managed to get his leave before the shit hit the fan over there.

"Gary, I'm beginning to wonder if all this anger isn't causing your problem." Karen stated matter-of-factly. "Hate does strange things to people. Julie Castanatto's mother died of an amazing number of diseases, but it was her hate towards her own mother that fueled all those things happening in her body. Hate will eat you alive, from inside out."

He turned and looked at his aunt, and began to wonder about his own mother, and what kind of hate she was carrying around that would drive her to the nastiness she displayed toward him, yet she was capable of such kindness toward her charges in the daycare business. It was like two completely different women in the same body. 

"Gary, did you hear me?" Aunt Karen asked expectantly.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I was just... I don't get it. I could understand it if she was just a miserable bitch to everyone around her, but she wasn't. She was as sweet as could be to those kids she took care of. It was only me that got to see the hateful bitch every day. I can't comprehend that, why her own blood was worth less than kids she got paid to take care of."

"Gary, many people out there put on masks to get through life. It's only the people that are closest to them that see them without those masks on, and sometimes it's an ugly sight." 

"Aunt Karen, I know you're trying to help, I know you want me to have empathy, but you didn't live with the woman like I had to." His voice started to crack. "You didn't listen to her offer nothing but criticism when all you wanted was one kind word! You didn't have to pin her to a wall to stop her from beating the shit out of you EVERY DAMNED DAY!" Tears ran down his face as he continued, "You're not the one that doesn't even remember anything about your home life before you were 13, and are afraid of what those memories might be like, that you can't reach them..."

"Gary... I'm sorry. You're right." Once more she reached out and embraced him. "I can only imagine what you went through, and know what you looked like when you came here so many weekends, so many summers..." Her voice weakened as well. "...wishing to God I could save you from her, hoping every time she was due to pick you up that maybe she wouldn't, dragging her into the barn so you couldn't hear me scream at her about what she was doing to you..." She stopped and composed herself. "But you can't carry that around with you - you've got to let it go, or it will kill you as surely as it did her." 

"Aunt Karen..." he sniffed "...I can't let go what I don't even have hold on. I came here hoping the weight would finally be lifted, watching them bury her. Instead, it's heavier now than it ever has been." He stood up. "I'm going to go lie down. I'm not feeling well right now. Maybe Monday I can find some answers."

She looked up at him, worried. "Alright, dear. You know I'm here if you need to talk."

"Of course, Auntie." He smiled sadly at her, bent over, and kissed her cheek. "I'll figure this out somehow."

He trudged up the stairs and collapsed in a heap on the bed.

[diaperpt]

Again, I'm impressed by the quality of your writing. There are a lot of people here who understand all too well the results of a horrible childhood. Thankfully I do not count myself among them. Even so, I think almost all of us will recognize the pull on us when we begin to hear all the old tapes being played. Right now, Gary can't recognize what the tapes are saying, but it sure seems as though he's responding to them. I continue to respond to the tapes of my own childhood, though shouldn't have so much effect on me. Most of us probably do the same.

I look forward to continuations of this story. Again, the characters are so believable and the descriptions and details so clear that one might well wonder if you are writing at least close to an autobiography. None of our business, yet I say that as a compliment to your writing.

[WBDaddy]

I thank you for that. No, it's not autobiographical, though there are certain elements in the plot (as yet unrevealed) that are. I had a picture in my head, and I set out to make certain that picture was vividly clear in the reader's mind as well. It feels good to hear that I was successful in that respect.

[WBDaddy]

Chapter 7

...Get that little shit out of my sight!!!

The morning came cloudy, damp, and bleak. Gary awoke with a start, and reflexively reached for his crotch. The guard was there, it was full, and he was still soaked. His heart sank as he rolled out of bed and stripped himself and the bed yet again. He sat down and picked up the bag he had casually tossed aside the previous evening and just stared at it morosely. "Diapers" he thought. "Fucking diapers. I'm 35 years old and I'm going to be wearing diapers to bed again, like a fucking infant." He felt a faint sense of arousal as he considered this, and brushed it off as he tossed the package aside and headed for the shower again.

When he came downstairs, he could smell the hashbrown pie warming up in the oven. Aunt Karen was stirring some eggs on the stovetop. She smiled "How'd you sleep, Gary?"

"Slept fine. Pharmacist was right." he stated flatly.

"Oh no, you poor dear. Well, at least we don't have to waste another trip." she replied. "Come sit down and have some coffee." She poured him a cup and patted the back of one of the chairs. He obliged, staring off into space as he sipped the hot liquid blankly.

"You know, it's really not that big a deal" Aunt Karen offered. "Tomorrow I'm sure we'll have an answer to the mystery, and you'll be right as rain in a few days."

Gary wished he could believe that, but something told him this was much deeper than an infection, and he was not looking forward to finding out what it was.

After breakfast, Gary tried in vain to help with the dishes, but his aunt stubbornly refused. "I've been washing my own dishes for 40 years, Gary, I hardly need help with them now..."

He finally conceded. "Alright then. Hey, do you mind if I take one of the horses out? I'm thinking a long ride might clear my head a bit."

She looked up surprised and said "Why sure, sweetie. The trails are all where you remember them, and the local riding club has managed to keep them up pretty well. The black one, her name is Prudence. She'll be good for breaking the rust off."

Gary smiled and headed out to the horse barn. He grabbed a saddle and tack from the old storage bin and surveyed the horses. He located Prudence, led her out of her stall, tied her off, and gave her a good brushing before throwing her blanket on, latching up her saddle, and fitting her bit. She was generally apathetic about the whole process, as his aunt had indicated. He mounted her and gently kicked her forward. She trotted easily out of the barn, and he led her down toward the back woods. The trails were in fine shape, and Gary gave Prudence her head. She was a strong filly, and her stride was smooth as they ripped through the trees, the world becoming a blur. 

Several hours later, they found their way back to the farm, and he pulled Prudence back to a trot. She was sweating hard, and he eased her back up to the barn and gave her a good rub-down before putting her up. He headed back to the house. Aunt Karen was crocheting in the sitting room. "You need to answer that infernal cellphone of yours, child!" she scolded. "It's been ringing off the hook!"

He ran up the stairs and grabbed his phone off the nightstand. He had almost forgotten about it, things had been so quiet around the farm. He checked his missed calls - there were a string from a 701 area code - local number. "Probably Jesse, but why so many?" he wondered.

He called the number back. "Hello?" a gruff voice answered.

"Jesse - is that you?"

"Gary! About time you called back!"

"Shit, I was out riding! Did you have to blow my phone up?"

"Man, shut the hell up already. Got someone here wants to talk with you." 

Gary heard some fumbling, then a deep voice announced itself. "What's this I hear about you gone AWOL, soldier?!"

"Frank?! Get the fuck outta here. How'd you manage to get out of sandbag duty?"

"Sandbag duty?! I didn't spend 15 years in the fucking Air Force to get stuck doing sandbag duty! I told my CO I had some business to attend to, and he wrote my pass!"

"Well shit, what are you two up to right now? I'd kill for a beer."

Gary heard some mumbling and then another phone pick up - Jesse had gotten back on the phone "Meet us down at Gilly's in an hour. I'll buy lunch."

"Sounds like a plan" Gary chuckled. "I'm an expensive date, though."

"Fuck you, buddy, I said lunch, not your bar tab, ya lush!" They all laughed. 

"Alright, alright, lemme get off the phone here. I'm the one with the longest drive. Gilly's in an hour, then!" Gary hung up.

Aunt Karen just rolled her eyes. "The more things change, I swear. You three troublemakers off for a merry afternoon of mayhem, I suppose I don't need to make dinner for you, do I?"

Gary smiled "Probably not, Auntie. Probably don't need to wait up, either." he laughed as he headed out the door. She just shook her head and chuckled. "Stay out of trouble, you!" she called after him.

Gary hopped into the Caddy and tore out of the driveway. The ride this morning had done him a world of good, and meeting up with his old friends just set the stage for this to be one of the best days he'd had in months. The road seemed to melt in front of him as he sped back toward Grand Forks.

When he pulled up to the dilapidated old building that was Gilly's, it was like an immediate rush of nostalgia, how many times the three of them had closed this place down when he came home from college, trying to pick up dates, or just getting shitfaced after a night on the town. The food was terrible, but it married well with cheap beer and the stench of tobacco smoke that always seemed to be in the air. He stepped out of the Caddy as a jacked up and beat up red Chevy truck missed him by what seemed a half an inch as it screeched to a stop next to him. He was about to turn around and cuss someone out, when he saw the flat-top sitting in the passenger's seat, laughing at him. Frank was a sight, all chisel-faced, in his fatigues and a black T-shirt. He dropped out of the truck and slammed the door. 

"Hey there, civvy, watch where you're walking, eh?" 

"Man, you can shove that civvy shit right up your flyboy ass, buddy!" They laughed and embraced heartily, and headed into the dive. 

Two o'clock on a Sunday generally finds a bar like this pretty well empty in a Lutheran town like Grand Forks. "All the better..." Gary thought to himself. They pretty much owned the place, and acted the part, hammering down beer and hooting and hollering in between greasy chicken wings and greasier fries. Several dozen games of pool and an impossible amount of alcohol later, the three were flopped in their chairs as night fell. Gary had a good buzz on from all the High Life, freshly imported from Wisconsin. The scant dinner crowd had filed in, and the trio ordered a round of burgers and a couple more pitchers. 

"Jesus Christ, Frank, I've heard rumors about alcoholism on base, but you've been drinking one for me and one for Jesse every step of the way!" Gary laughed.

"Hey, you ever been to Minot? Makes this place look like a bustling metropolis! Ain't nothing to do there but drink and chase hippos! I swear, fucking local girls over there must think these recruits like lovin' by the truckload!"

Jesse about choked on his beer. "Well goddamn, if the recruits are wantin' heifers, I got a few in the barn that'll keep 'em busy all day!" 

"Sick fucker. I wonder if you're not the one keeping them heifers busy!" Gary shot back with a huge grin. "So when's your leave up, Frank?"

"Shit, I had a couple months built up, CO told me he didn't want to see my face for at least 2 weeks."

"No shit? I'll be in town that long myself. You holing up with Jesse playing Dr. Love in the dairy?"

"Naw, I've got a hotel room downtown. I don't wanna see what goes on behind closed barn doors over there..." Frank chortled.

"Man, fuck both of you zoophiliacs!" Jesse barked from the corner, and punched Frank in the arm. 

"Well hell, I'll be back in town again tomorrow - going to see the doc in the morning. You guys wanna me over at Berta's for breakfast around 9?"

"What, are you bailing out already, you pussy?" Frank barked.

"No, man, just trying to lay the plans out before I'm too drunk to remember them!" Gary fired back. 

"What the hell you going to the doctor for, Gary?" Jesse looked concerned for a moment.

"It's nothing, bro. Had some weird plumbing issues the last couple days, and you know how Aunt Karen is, ever the worry-wart." Gary smiled and threw back the rest of his glass. "So you gonna drag your ass outta bed for breakfast or what?"

"Yeah, man, I'll be there." 

Gary smiled at Jesse "I know your ass will be there - hell, they've got a table with your name embossed on it"

Jesse laughed. "Ain't nowhere else in this dump gonna give me a cup of jet fuel like they serve."

The burgers finally arrived, and they ate with gusto. The night flew by as they continued laughing and joking and reminiscing and drinking until the bartender broke the party with a shout.

"LAST CALL! You boys want another pitcher or what?!"

Gary looked at his cell. "11:50?! What the hell kind of closing time is that?!" he yelled back.

"Sunday night. You see anyone else in here but you?"

He looked around. The place was deserted.

"So you want another round or what?"

Jesse spoke up "Yeah, pull us another pitcher, and gimme the damages on this disaster."

Before either Jesse or Gary could speak up, Frank had a couple of bills out of his pocket and slapping them down on the bar. "That cover it?" he said to the bartender. "Yeah, we're straight."

"Asshole!" Jesse barked as Frank brought back the pitcher. 

"Well, you wanna drink this or be pissed off you didn't pay for it?" Frank smirked as he filled their mugs.

Gary was just about at his limit, but he raised his beer and said "To cheesy toasts at reunions." 

Frank laughed as they clinked and said "To cheesy bastards who make cheesy toasts at reunions." 

Finally, as the last of the beer was gone, they piled out of the bar and into their vehicles, with all the associated embraces and handshakes and salutations between. Gary sat for a moment in the driver's seat and thought "Yep, I needed that."

He drove back home feeling like he was on top of the world. He pulled up to the house and turned the car off, and then remembered... "Shit!" he thought to himself. He stumbled a bit into the door, made his way up the steps, and turned the light on in his room. The package stared at him from the floor as if to say "You thought it was the perfect day..."

Disgusted, he ripped it open and pulled one of them out. He stripped down to a t-shirt and unfolded the huge diaper. He had done this to kids a thousand times as a teenager. He never imagined he'd have to do it to himself. And now, to make matters worse, he had a full-on erection. "Great timing" he thought. He laid down on the bed and managed the top tape on each side. "Six tapes?! Who the fuck came up with this stupid idea?!" he grumbled to himself as he wrestled the other four into place. He stood up and readjusted as best as he could, and settled back into bed. The booze quickly overwhelmed his insecurities, and he dozed off.

[diaperpt]

nice addition to the story. thanks.

[WBDaddy]

Chapter 8

"Wake up, party boy! Don't want to be late for the doctor!"

Gary's eyes reluctantly opened and his head pounded. It was still dark outside, and he struggled to a half sitting position. "What time is it?" he muttered through a yawn.

"6:30, and you have an appointment in an hour and a half!" Aunt Karen chided from the bedroom door. "You're the one who stayed out half the night, now you get to pay for it!"

She chuckled and headed down the steps. Gary rubbed his face a bit and started to move in the bed. He was initially excited when the sheets were dry, then remembered what he was wearing. He let his hand slip down to his crotch. Sure enough, he was soaked. "Well, at least the bed isn't." he thought ruefully. He ripped the diaper off disgustedly, folded it up, and walked to the bathroom to toss it out. He quickly showered and scampered back to the bedroom to dress. He checked his phone: 6:50 a.m. He threw his socks and shoes on hurredly and ran down the stairs. Aunt Karen handed him a cup of coffee. "One for the road, you look like you need it. Make sure I get the cup back, you hear?" 

He grabbed the cup and kissed her cheek. "Thanks Auntie. I'll call you when I get done with the doc."

He took a swallow of the coffee and headed out the door. The sky was just starting to brighten as he shot down the highway toward the city. Aunt Karen had made some pretty aggressive coffee, and it was just starting to cut through the haze of his hangover. He hadn't even had time to realize that he had not dreamed the night before, yet still lost his bladder. "Probably the alcohol" he mused. 

He arrived at the Aurora Clinic at 7:50, per the car clock. He walked in and began to feel very self conscious as he took the paperwork from the front counter and began filling it out.

"Reason for visit:" the form demanded... He could feel himself flush as he wrote "bladder control problem". As he was finishing the last of the forms, a nurse poked her head out of a door and called "Mr. Makowski?" He stood up. She smiled and said "You can come on back." She held the door open as he walked through, and she led him to what he assumed was the intake, which featured the usual cadre of storage along with several handwashing sinks on one side, and a scale and several measurement gadgets on the other.

She checked his weight, temp, blood pressure, and pulse. She chirped "So you're here for..." he looked at her pleadingly "...Oh. Okay, well come on back." She led him into a small examining room and said "Just make yourself comfortable and the doc will be here in a moment." She closed the door behind her.

He sat down in a chair and flipped through a few-month-old issue of some news magazine. His thoughts were racing at full speed now, and the magazine didn't offer much of a distraction. Thankfully, the door opened a few minutes later, and in walked Dr. Hjelmstad. "Gary Makowski! Why, I haven't seen you since you were a pimple-faced teenager." 

Gary stood up and shook the doc's hand. "I can't say as I appreciate the circumstances, but it's good to see you again too." He smiled weakly.

"So your aunt gave me a little bit of information over the phone on Saturday. Why don't you try and fill me in on the rest."

"Not much to tell, Doc. Since Thursday, every time I go to sleep, even for a couple hours, I wake up wet. I had to resort to an adult diaper last night just to keep the sheets dry."

"Are you going more frequently during the day? Having any sudden need to go? Feeling any burning when you go?"

"Nope. Nothing at all like that. Everything's fine when I'm awake."

They went back and forth through a dozen other questions, all of which were "no" answers, and the doctor finally sighed and said, "Well, I could run you through a bunch of expensive tests if it'd make you feel better, Gary, but I don't think there's really anything medically going on here. Your aunt mention that your mother died last week, and she told you on Thursday. It's not hard to add 2 and 2 and come up with stress incontinence. I'll grant you, it's much more common in children than adults, but I've seen it happen."

Gary frowned. "I had a suspicion you'd say something like that. So what now?"

"I'd like to get you in to see my colleague, Dr. Ulven. She's a psychiatrist, but she specializes in some therapeutic techniques that can be highly effective in these types of situations. I'll call her office and see if they can squeeze you in on an emergent basis here in the next day or two." Dr. Hjelmstad smiled. "It's really not that bad, Gary. We'll get you straightened out here soon."

Gary raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, you say that, but you're not the one pissing your bed every night." 

"No, but you're not the only one on the planet that ever had this problem, and it could be a lot worse - I've seen stress incontinence patients find themselves having to wear 'round the clock protection because the symptoms are so severe."

Gary sighed. "So what now?"

"My nurse will call you as soon as we can get you an appointment with Dr. Ulven. Meanwhile, don't worry about it. Getting yourself all bent out of shape will just make it worse. If you'd like, I can write you a script for a tranquilizer, but only if you're having panic attacks, and definitely not if you won't promise me you'll lay off the booze for a while."

Gary was a bit taken aback. "Aunt Karen tell you that too?"

Dr. Hjelmstad laughed. "She didn't need me to. I could smell it on you when I walked in here, and you look like you've been partying pretty hard the last couple days."

Gary was a bit embarassed. "Hey, come on now, I've been catching up with friends I haven't seen in 10 years. Cut me some slack! Besides, I'm not having panic attacks or anything like that. I just want this to be done and over with already."

"Alright then, keep me posted if anything changes, and we'll get back with you later this morning."

"Thanks, Doc." Gary stood up, they shook hands, and the doctor scurried off to the next examining room. Gary headed to the front desk, handed them a card to cover his co-pay, and collected his paperwork.

He left, got in his car, and headed for Berta's. He called Aunt Karen on the way over - no answer. He left a message "Yeah, this is Gary. Doc says nothing physical, wants to send me to a head shrink. I'll see you later on, grabbing breakfast with the guys now." and hung up.

He pulled up to the rickety old diner and found an empty booth. Jesse and Frank arrived shortly thereafter, and they ate and drank and laughed and joked until Gary's phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Makowski? This is Nurse Patterson from Aurora Clinic. Dr. Hjelmstad wanted me to let you know that you have a 4:00 appointment with Dr. Ulven at the Stadter Center."

"Thank you very much. I'll be there." Gary said half-heartedly.

"Have a nice day, Mr. Makowski."

"You do the same." Gary put his phone away and shook his head. 

"What's up?" Frank piped up, seeing Gary's demeanor take a drop.

"Ah, it's nothing. The doc seems to think my 'piping issue' is all in my head, and so he sent me to a shrink. I gotta go over there at 4."

"Well shit!" Jesse laughed. "I coulda told you that you had screws loose and saved you a co-pay!"

Gary punched Jesse in the arm. "Shut up, asshole. Seriously, this is just all fucked up."

Frank quieted a bit. "What's going on, man?"

"You gonna give me a bunch of grief?"

"No, seriously bro. Is something weird going on?" Jesse asked, a bit worried.

Gary got very quiet. "I've been pissing the bed ever since I left Manchester. Every time I fall asleep, no matter where it is, I wake up with a wet crotch." he said, barely above a whisper. "Doc says it's stress incontinence, that the whole funeral shit and everything else is getting to me."

"I fucking told you that you need to let that shit go, man." Jesse chided. 

"Yeah, well, that's why I'm going to the shrink." Gary said defensively. "Now enough of this shit. What's everyone doing tonight? I'm ready to tie another one off, and I'll probably be more ready after I get my head shrunk this afternoon."

"Fuck it!" Frank perked up. "Gilly's at 5:30? I'm down."

"Hell yeah, sounds like a plan" Gary agreed.

"Man, I'm gonna have to bow out." Jesse said morosely.

"What's the matter, you going all pussy on us in your old age?!" Frank barked. 

"Man, fuck you, buddy. You don't have to get up at 4:00 in the morning to feed 300 head of dairy cattle! I was a wreck this morning."

"Ah, let the old man get his sleep tonight. We'll get him tomorrow." Gary grinned devilishly.

After the breakfast party broke up, Gary's phone rang again. "Hello?"

"Gary, it's Aunt Karen. Which doctor did he refer you to?"

"Ulven I think was her last name?"

"Sharon Ulven? We go back years. You'll like her. Smart one, that girl."

"Yeah, a shrink is a shrink. As long as she fixes whatever broke loose up there, I don't give a damn."

"Well, I don't think it'd be a bad idea for me to talk to her ahead of time, fill in some of the details, since you don't really remember much from when you were younger."

"Auntie, really?"

"If she doesn't know your history, she can't figure out what's bothering you, Gary."

"Well, I suppose, if you think it'll help."

"I can't tell her anything unless you give her your permission. You might stop by there early and sign a release."

"Fine, I'll do it."

"When is your appointment, dear?"

"4 o'clock"

"Good. You coming home for lunch, then?"

"No, I'm gonna head over to Mom's place and get started sorting through the crap."

"Well, I've already done most of that, dear, but you're welcome to do some exploring if you're so inspired..."

"You want me to call you after I get the forms signed?"

"If you would. Meanwhile, careful of ghosts."

"Um, yeah. I'll talk to you in a bit."

Gary hung up and headed over to Stadter Center. Fortunately, it wasn't far from his mother's place. He stopped in and signed off a HIPAA form for his aunt and asked them to call her at her home number. He drove the few blocks to the house where he grew up, and eyed the house with disdain as he shut the car off and headed through the front gate.

Gary opened the front door and looked around. As expected, Aunt Karen had cleaned the place, nearly immaculately. He wandered through the kitchen - the cupboards and fridge were empty and spotless. The floor was freshly waxed. He looked in the "playroom" where she kept the kids when the weather was bad. Most of the furniture was gone, save the beat up old couch, covered in stains and patches from the dozens of toddlers who had romped around on it over the years. He chuckled as he could almost hear the screeches and laughter. Then he looked over at the wall and saw the tell-tale outline of a patch over the huge hole from when he put his mother through it that one night. "So this is how it's going to be, eh?" 

He headed toward the living room, and there stood the rickety old upright he fought with for so many hours. He sat down at the bench and opened it up. He started playing a chord, but his fingers wouldn't move. His whole body tensed up as he was dragged into another moment...

His fingers looked much smaller as he pounded away angrily at Beethoven's "Fur Elise". He never heard her coming down the hall, he only felt the vicious bite of the yardstick across the top of his wrists. He yelped in pain and started to cry. She stood over him with a black look in her eyes. "I TOLD YOU TO QUIT POUNDING, YOU LITTLE BASTARD! NOW YOU CAN START YOUR PRACTICE OVER AGAIN!"

All he could do was hold his hands in his lap as they swelled and started to turn bright purple. She screamed "WELL, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! GET YOUR FINGERS ON THOSE KEYS NOW!!!!" 

Through his tears he watched his hand shake as he lifted them back onto the keyboard. He tried to press the keys, but his wrists cried out back at him every time he tried to move a finger. "QUIT YOUR GODDAMNED CRYING AND START PLAYING, OR I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!" she screeched.

"I caaaan't" he blubbered. "My fingers hurt!" 

"FINE!" She grabbed him roughly by the shirt and jerked him off the bench, which fell backward with a loud thump.

Gary stood in stunned silence, staring at his shaking hands. He closed the piano and set the bench back up. 

He headed up to his old room. Not much there except a few pieces of clothing on the floor of the closet. He picked up a shirt. "Iron Maiden - Somewhere On Tour '86" it announced, with a huge list of cities. Then he spotted something on the top shelf in the back... He reached up and found a shoebox. He opened it up and smiled. It was filled to the brim with cassette tapes of old 80's thrash metal bands - Exciter, Voivod, Annihilator, Nuclear Assault, Kreator, Napalm Death... "Damn, now if I only had something to play them on." he mused. 

He set the box down and walked into his mother's room. Completely empty. The only indications of life were the imprints of the bedposts on the floor. He stiffened yet again, and the scene changed...

He was barely able to keep his feet as she dragged him in the door and slammed it shut. He continued to wail "No, mommy, please, I want to practice!" 

"SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE BASTARD! YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE!"

She threw him roughly on the bed face down and ripped his pants and underpants down around his ankles. He wailed uncontrollably as he knew what was coming. He heard the clinking of metal as she grabbed a belt from out of the closet. He felt her hand in the middle of his back as he squirmed and pleaded. The belt swung up in the air and came back down lightning-fast...

Gary looked around, completely bewildered. He was lying on the floor, hands underneath him, on his stomach, trembling. He rolled up to a sitting position and shook his head. His phone started to buzz in his pocket, and he pulled it out, hand shaking. It was the alarm, announcing that it was 3:30.

He took a minute to gather himself before he headed down the steps and back out the front door. "Ghosts, indeed, Auntie" he muttered as he locked the front door behind him.

He arrived back at the clinic. Sure enough, the receptionist had a whole other bevy of forms to fill out. Unfortunately, his hand was still trembling slightly after that terrible experience. He shuddered, and struggled to write. A door opened, and an older, heavy set lady walked out and left the building. The door closed again. He labored through the last of the questions, things like substance abuse history, sexual abuse, physical/mental abuse "Jeez, I could write a novel there" he grumbled... previous hospitalizations, and on and on it went. The door opened again and an attractive looking woman who appeared in her late 40's poked her head out the door. "Gary?" she asked? He nodded. "Come on in."

He stepped into the office and surveyed it. Several comfortable-looking leather chairs sat in front of a large, but not gaudy desk, and a tall-backed leather chair sat behind the desk. She waved toward the chairs in front, and he sat down. She sat in the one opposite him, which surprised him a bit. 

"So, I did have an opportunity to talk to Karen this afternoon, and she shared with me her point of view regarding your childhood. I'd like to hear from you, though."

"There's not much to tell, honestly. I don't remember home life prior to around 13, when she and I had the big fight that, I suppose, changed everything. After that, it was all her sniping at me and me telling her to 'fuck off' until I left for college."

"Big fight, you say? Explain this to me."

"I remember coming home from school that day, and she was right there at the front door yelling about I don't even remember what as soon as I walked in. I remember cowering a bit, and her slapping me across the face, and then more yelling, except I started yelling back. I think I had to go to the bathroom, because I started heading down the hallway, and she kept right after me screaming the whole time. When I got to the bathroom, I stepped in and turned around and told her to 'shut the fuck up so I could go take a piss'. She raised her hand to slap me again, and I tackled her, and we both smashed straight through the wall and into the playroom. Thankfully, none of her kids were in there. I stood up and screamed at her that she was never going to hit me again or I'd do worse next time. She just laid there on the floor, I think she was too stunned to move."

"Wow. Sounds like a pretty intense experience to have with your mother. What happened then?"

"I don't remember much of it - she kind of avoided me the rest of that day."

"So your mother was a pretty angry woman, I'm guessing." 

"Yeah, you might say that" Gary rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be condescending. And you don't remember anything prior to that?"

"No, I remember stuff like school, friends, spending time at Aunt Karen's, riding horses and cleaning the barn and things like that, I just don't remember anything that went on at home during that time."

"Interesting. Let's talk about your current problem for a bit. Other than the enuresis, have you had any other sleep disturbances?"

"No... well, yeah, actually, I've been having a lot of strange sensations when I wake up. I mean, I suppose it's dreaming being interrupted, but I never remember my dreams. The only thing really significant about here lately is that I'm always waking up startled, and I always feel emotionally drained, like something really intense just happened and this is the aftermath, you know?"

"Yes, I know exactly what you mean. Many people do not remember dreams, but remember sensations when the dream replays particularly strong emotions. How about the rest of the time? Has anything unusual happened when you were awake?"

"Well, focus has been bad ever since the dreams started. Today, though, was probably the strangest experience I've ever had..." He stopped for a moment and shook his head. 

"Go on."

"I went over to my mother's house. I hadn't been there since I left for college - I didn't even stay there when I came home on breaks - I went to Aunt Karen's place." He hesitated again.

"Anyway, so I went in there right after I stopped by here to give you that release, and something strange happened, not once, but twice. It was weird, because it wasn't like I was having a memory, it was like physically BEING in the middle of a memory... I don't know how to explain it..."

"What you're describing sounds like a flashback, Gary. Tell me what happened."

He went on to recount the events in the old house. 

"You know" she said after he had finished his explanation "I'm in clinic over at UND tomorrow. Give me a moment here." She went over to the desk, put on the spectacles that sat there, with a chain that dangled from them as she reached over and opened a black book. She hit the speakerphone and dialed 2 numbers. The receptionist replied "Yes?"

"My schedule tomorrow in clinic, did we have any cancellations?"

"Yes, actually, your 10:00 rescheduled for the 25th, and your 12:00 was admitted last night, so she was moved over to Wednesday."

"Thank you, Rosie." 

"You're welcome." *click*

She leaned over the desk and "Okay, Gary. I'll be frank with you. I think you've got some serious repression going on, and your mother's death has triggered some subconscious reactions to these repressed memories that are coming out in your dream-state, and this is causing your enuresis."

Gary was a bit stupefied. "Okay, so what do we do now?"

"What I'd like us to do is some hypnosis therapy. I want to see if we can reach into your subconscious and get these memories out into the open, so you can deal with them directly, instead of your brain trying and failing to get rid of them through your dreams, like what is happening now. I'll be honest, it's a bit risky in that you could go into shock once this stuff is brought to your conscious mind. Repression, after all, is your subconscious trying to protect your waking mind from extreme stress."

"That doesn't sound reassuring, Doc."

"It is a risk, but I'll tell you without exaggeration that I have done this therapy thousands of times in the 25 years I've been practicing, and I've only seen one patient go into shock to the point of needing hospitalization."

Gary took a deep breath. "Alright, if it's the only way to fix this shit, let's do it."

Sharon smiled. "Fine. I'll pencil you in for tomorrow morning at 10. You'll need to be at the University Psychiatric Department about half an hour early to do a little paperwork and for them to get you ready."

"So, 9:30 at UND. Got it." Gary wasn't thrilled by the proposition, but he didn't have much else to go on.

"Oh, by the way..." Her face fell a bit. "I assume you're using some sort of protection at night?"

Gary blushed, and he knew what was next. "Yes, I had to resort to an adult diaper. Let me guess, you want me in it for this session?"

"Well, the alternative is you'll likely be replacing your underwear. Whatever is going on in this repressed memory is what is triggering your enuresis, and will probably trigger it again during the hypnosis."

Gary's head dropped. "That's fine" he sighed. "I had to ask if it could get worse, didn't I?" he thought to himself.

She came around the desk and sat down, leaning in toward him. "Listen, this is no different than if you had tonsillitis. You've got something broken inside you, and my job is to fix it. It's not going to be easy, it's not going to be painless, but if you work with me, we'll get you through it."

Gary managed a weak smile. "It's the hard and painful part that I'm dreading. I have to keep reminding myself that this can't be worse than putting up with it."

"Well, remind yourself that it's one day of indignity versus who knows how long." She offered a smile, and he struggled to return it.

They both stood up, and he left the office. Gary felt like he was giving Andre the Giant a ride on his shoulders as he headed towards the car. 

He met up with Frank at Gilly's, but he felt almost numb from all the thoughts and feelings swirling through his brain. Frank noticed, and relentlessly pursued the issue until Gary finally relented and explained what had gone on and what he was about to go through. The party atmosphere left the room like it was sucked out with a vacuum, and the two friends just sat and drank, Frank making his best effort to try and share Gary's burden, and Gary doing his best job of pretending it helped. Around 10:00, Gary announced: 

"Frank, I'm shot, man. I'm sorry to be such a lump tonight. I think I'm going to head back home."

"Bro, it's cool, I understand." They stood up, and he grabbed Gary and pulled him tight to his chest. "I'm here for you, brother. Whatever you need, just let me know."

Gary did his best to return the huge hug, and said "Just keep being here, man, that's all." He left Frank to the rest of the beer and drove home in silence. 

Aunt Karen was already in bed, not surprisingly, and Gary trudged up the steps. He undressed almost mechanically, and wasn't even fazed by the ritual of diapering up for bed. He turned the light out and focused what energy he had left on the crickets chirping merrily outside, until sleep overcame him.

[diaperpt]

This is just getting better and better. The diapers are incidental - at least at this point - to all that is going on within Gary. That is a sign of a great story here.

[WBDaddy]

Chapter 9

Morning came once more, and Gary wandered through what had become a ritual, dumping the soaked briefs and showering, with the additional indignity of putting a clean diaper on instead of his underwear as he dressed. He came downstairs and briefed Aunt Karen on the events of the previous afternoon and the doctor's plans for today. He felt a powerful sense of foreboding as he left the farmhouse.

He drove to the university neuro-psych center and checked in, and the foreboding intensified as he was led by what he guessed was a med student through a maze of hallways and into a dimly lit room with no furniture other than a couch, and no windows save what he presumed to be a large one-way mirror that covered nearly the entirety of one wall starting from waist height. A few minutes later, an in-wall speaker mounted above the mirror chirped:

"Gary? This is Dr. Ulven. Please lie down and make yourself comfortable, and I'll be there in a few minutes. Try to relax, I know this is probably unnerving for you."

"Unnerving?" Gary thought to himself. "You have nooooo idea." 

He stretched out on the surprisingly soft contoured couch and stared at the ceiling. As promised, the door opened and Dr. Ulven came in with a wheeled office. She pulled the chair up next to the couch.

"How are you feeling this morning, Gary?"

He sat up on an elbow. "Nervous. Apprehensive. Confused. Yeah, that would be a good start point."

"I completely understand. It's scary, the idea that someone is going to be poking around in places you don't even see in your mind."

"Yeah, you might say that..." Gary grimaced.

"Well, what I need you to understand is that is not what is going to be happening here. You and I are going to be taking a trip of sorts, into your past. I'll be guiding you and keeping you safe. You're going to be seeing and feeling things your mind has been hiding from you for all this time. It will probably be a little frightening, but as long as you stay with me, and listen to my instructions, you'll have nothing to fear, okay?"

"I'll take your word for it, Doc." Gary managed a weak smile.

"Okay, so I'm going to be observing you from behind that mirror over there, and I'll be talking to you through the intercom system. There will be a couple of residents observing with me, but they will not be speaking."

He raised an eyebrow. "Right. So why through the glass? Why not in the room?" 

"Insurance regulations is all." she said flatly. "There have been extremely rare cases of patients becoming violent during this therapy. I don't see that happening here. I just need you to relax while we get started."

Gary wasn't particularly relieved by this information, but he did his best to lie back and try to push away the pervasive worry that had plagued him since he left her office yesterday.

Dr. Ulven left the room, and a minute or so later the speaker came to life again.

"Okay Gary, are you comfortable?"

"Sure, Doc."

"Good. I'm going to guide you through some relaxation right now, to clear your mind. Right now, I want you to close your eyes and imagine yourself in a field of tall grass. The sky is clear and blue, and the sun is warm on your skin. The grass underneath you is soft, like a pillow, and a gentle breeze is blowing on your body. As you breathe in, imagine you are inhaling calm and serenity, and as you exhale, imagine that you are exhaling all the worry, all the stress, and it is blowing away on that soft, gentle breeze."

Gary's mind began to drift, and he felt his arms and legs going limp.

"This is a safe place, here in this tall grass, and you know nothing can harm you here. You feel warm, and safe, and content. All your tension is flowing out of you like leaves on the soft, gentle breeze, and with each breath you feel increasingly relaxed. Feel your breath as you inhale, the peace flowing through your entire body, and exhale the tension. Breathe in... and out. In... and out."

Gary had never felt so completely relaxed in his life. His body felt glued to the couch. He doubted he could have moved if he had even an inclination to do so.

"Now, as you feel your body get heavier, and all the tension has gone, we are almost ready for our journey. Remember, as we travel, if at any point you feel the need, you can come right back to this place. I am going to count backwards from ten, and when I reach one, we are going to begin the trip back into your past. 

Ten...

Nine...

Eight...

Seven...

Six...

Five...

Four...

Three...

Two...

One..."

Gary felt adrift, as though he were watching himself from above. There was his limp body, lying in the beautiful green field, and he was hovering above it.

"Now it's time to travel backward through your life. You will see all through your own eyes in these moments, but you must remember that these are just memories, and they can do you no harm. Back we go, as you feel yourself getting younger. The years melt away as you're now 20, now 15, now 12, now 8, now 5, now 3, now just 18 months old. Tell me what you see now, Gary."

Gary's mind ripped through picture after picture at Dr. Ulven's instruction, scenes from his college dorm, his high school graduation, playing with friends, and he finally opened his eyes and stared down at what he instantly knew was Daddy. Daddy held him high in the air and he squirmed and laughed through his pacifier and wiggled his legs and arms. "Who's my big boy?" Daddy said through a huge smile. "Who's my big boy? Gary's my big boy!" Daddy lowered him down and kissed his forehead and lifted him up again. "GARY's my big boy!" Gary heard another voice, it was Mommy, and she seemed not happy. 

"You'll be late for work."

Daddy brought him down and held him with one arm cradled under his bottom. "I'm fine, I've got plenty of time." 

Daddy squeezed him tight with both arms and gave him a tickle under his armpit. "You be a good boy for Mommy! That's right! You be a good boy for Mommy!" and kissed him on the cheek. He put Gary down on the floor. 

Gary immediately reached back up and grabbed his pant leg. "No Daddy! Up! Up!" 

Daddy leaned down and kissed his forehead again. "No, no, Gary, Daddy go to work. Gary stay here with Mommy." 

Gary didn't know what "work" was, but he didn't like it. He started to whimper "No, Daddy stay here!" and grabbed Daddy's leg.

Daddy picked him back up and gave him a big hug. "Oh, Gary, Daddy will be home soon. You and Mommy will have fun today, and Daddy will be back before you know it, okay?"

Gary sniffled. "Gary go work with Daddy?" 

"Awww, Gary can't go to work with Daddy. Gary stay here with Mommy. Don't cry, Gary. Daddy bring a surprise when he comes home, okay?"

Gary knew what surprise was. That was when Daddy brought him some colorful thing to play with. He brightened up and said "Luv you Daddy!" and squeezed as tight as his little arms could around Daddy's neck. 

Daddy kissed his cheek and hugged him back and said "Love you too Gary!" and sat him back down on the floor. He walked over to Mommy and tried to kiss her mouth, but she turned and he kissed her on the cheek instead. "Okay, well, I'll see you tonight."

She looked at him flatly and said "Pick up a box of Pampers on the way home. Your son has pooped through them all again."

"I will", he answered as he opened the door. He turned back to Gary and smiled. "Bye bye Gary!" and waved his hand. Gary flopped his hand around and said "Buh-Bye!" as Daddy closed the door. Gary flopped over, put his binky back in his mouth, and started to crawl towards Mommy. Mommy looked at him and said angrily "You know how to walk. Stand up." Gary struggled to his feet and waddled over to the couch where she sat. Mommy pulled a bottle out of her shirt and took a long drink of it, which Gary thought was strange. The stuff in the bottle was the same color as his poop, but he could see light through it. It didn't look at all like the juice in his bottle. As he thought about poop, he suddenly realized he was pooping, and he giggled as it tickled his bottom. 

"Ew! Are you shitting again?!" Mommy seemed very unhappy. She took another long drink from her bottle and put it away. She picked him up roughly, holding him out away from her as she took him down the hall. "What a stench. Christ, I'll be glad when you're potty trained." 

"Gary... Gary..." a voice echoed. "Gary, it's time to come back to the safe place. You are back in the field of soft grass now. Focus on your breathing. In... and out. In... and out.

Gary stared at the open sky, and saw wisps of clouds begin to gather. He felt calm again, and relaxed.

"Gary, it's time for us to move forward in time now. We're going to move ahead to when you were 3 years old."

He blinked, and he was sitting in the playroom on the floor. He felt afraid, as Mommy and Daddy were yelling in the next room, and he clutched his stuffed dinosaur tight as he rocked back and forth and listened.

"Look, there's nothing wrong with him, he's just not ready yet. The doctor said if we push him too hard, he's going to wind up having issues. Just let him do what he's ready!" Daddy said with exasperation in his voice.

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN, MARK! I'm SICK of changing shitty diapers. I'm SICK of the preschools all rejecting him because he's not potty trained. I'm SICK of the daycares not wanting him because he's too old! I WANT MY LIFE BACK, DAMMIT! YOU fucking deal with it if you want to just wait him out!"

"Josie, you're talking about our SON, not some ACCESSORY you wear around town when you're SHOPPING, dammit!"

"YOU were the one who wanted a kid in the first place. DON'T give me that shit! I'M the one who gave up finishing my degree. I'M THE ONE who carried him around for 9 months. I'M THE ONE who is chained to his little ass all day every day, NOT YOU!"

Tears started rolling down Gary's cheeks as he clutched the front of his pants as the diaper crinkled underneath. He didn't want to make Mommy angry, he just couldn't get to the potty fast enough. He snuffled and began to cry. 

"See that?! Now he's upset too. I hope you're fucking happy, Josie!" 

His father rushed in and picked him up. "What's wrong, big guy?"

Gary wept on his father's shoulder. "I'm sorry I can't hold my pee-pee Daddy! I don't want to be a bad boy! I want to be good and go to potty and make Mommy happy!"

Daddy squeezed him tight and rocked him. "Oh, Gary, you're not a bad boy. You're just having a little trouble is all. Some people take a little longer than others to figure it out. Don't cry. Mommy and Daddy still love you." 

"Gary... Gary... It's time to go Gary..." the voice echoed. The scene began to fade again. "I want you to come back now to the field and relax for a while. Let go of what you just saw and just return to your breathing. Breathe in... and out. In... and out."

Gary watched as the clouds began to get larger, and some started to turn gray...

[Cute Baby]

Enjoying this now he is being dfealt with under hypnosis, wonder how far it will go, as sure it can be along way, and involve his Aunt, hope he will be dependant on her a graet deal.

[WBDaddy]

Chapter 10

"Doctor, are you sure it's a good idea to keep going here? He's already showing signs of internal stress." the intern offered, timidly.

"So far, there has been nothing anywhere near what his flashbacks indicated." Dr. Ulven stated, very matter-of-factly. "We move forward until we find the hot spots that are triggering his enuresis. Right now, he's still responding to the relaxation instructions, so I see no reason to stop."

She shot both the interns a look and pressed the "mute" button again.

"Gary... We're going to move forward once again, this time to when you were five years old. Tell me what you see..."

The scene shifted once again. Gary found himself in his bed, in a set of Transformer pajamas. The sun shone brightly through the window, but it brought him no joy as his mother abruptly appeared in the doorway. At that very moment, he realized his pajama bottoms and the bed were both soaked, and tears welled up in his eyes as he looked up at his mother.

"What the fuck is your problem?! Did you piss the bed again?!" she screeched. 

Gary burst into a whimper... "I'm sorry, Mommy, I didn't mean to, honest!"

"Oh, no, fuck 'sorry'. I've had enough of this shit already." she said darkly as she stormed toward him. "You've pissed the bed every night since the funeral, and I'm about done washing sheets every fucking day!" 

She grabbed his arm roughly as he began to weep openly. "QUIT CRYING, you little BABY!" She ripped his pajama pants off in one quick motion and threw them into his hamper. She swatted him on the bottom with her open hand, and he cried out in pain and began to sniffle. "Fine! You asked for it!" she declared. She stepped out into the hallway, and he retreated under his covers, unsure of what was to come. She returned with an object he immediately recognized, and he began to plead... "No, Mommy, No! I won't wet the bed anymore, I promise..." She ripped the cover under which he had attempted to hide and shouted "YOU'RE DAMNED RIGHT YOU WON'T WET THE BED ANYMORE!" She grabbed his ankles and dragged him to the edge of the bed, then flipped the diaper open with the other hand as he begged and pleaded and squirmed. She pulled his ankles up to slide it under him, and he kicked her in the face. They both stopped and locked eyes, his in fear, hers in fury, as she turned him over with one arm and began swatting his bottom with the other... "DON'T... YOU... EVER... KICK... ME... AGAIN..." she screamed in rhythm with the blows as he writhed in pain. 

He shrieked back through the blows "I WANT MY DADDY!!!! I WANT MY DADDY!!!!!!" in between sobs.

She turned him back over and spat "YOUR DADDY IS DEAD, AND IT'S YOUR FAULT. HE'S NEVER COMING BACK AGAIN!" 

He went limp in sobs at this response. She slid the diaper under his now reddened bottom and taped him up without resistance. She bent over, her nose nearly touching his as he sniffled, and she triumphantly announced "NOW, you can go to school and show EVERYONE what a baby you are!" 

He burst into fresh tears, begging "NO, MOMMY, NO!!!! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL IN A DIAPER!!!!" 

She hesitated, then smiled and sneered "What's the matter, baby don't wanna go to school? Baby wanna stay home?" 

He whimpered "I don't want... to go to school in... a diaper..." apprehensively between sniffles.

She snapped "Well GOOD. You can stay HOME and be a BABY all DAY!" 

He trembled at the thought of what horrors she had in mind. The doorbell rang, breaking the tension of the moment. She hissed "Don't you DARE move off this bed, BABY boy!" as she stormed out of the room.

He listened in panic as she welcomed the first of her regular daycare customers, Tess, a 2-year-old girl, and her mother as she dropped her off. He listened as the two women made small talk and exchanged the child from one set of arms to the other. He heard his mother coo and kiss the little one after she closed the door, then heard her walk up the stairs, still talking to the toddler and bouncing her on her hip, with little sentences like "come see the BIG BABY!".

"Gary... Gary..." a voice echoed from off in the distance. He scarcely heard it as he trembled. "Gary... It's time to return to the safe place, to the tall grass and the warm sun."

The scene slowly dissolved just as his mother arrived at his bedroom doorway with Tess on her hip and said "SEE? LOOK at the BIG BABY!" as Tess giggled and pointed at him and said "Big Bee-Bee!"

Again, he was in the field of tall grass, but there was no sun anymore. The clouds above were solid and gray, and the gentle breeze had become a heavy wind, whipping the blades of grass against him as he curled to a fetal position to shield himself from them....

In the observation room, the tension was thick enough to cut with a knife.

"He's losing it, Doctor! You've got to stop! Look at him!" 

"Excuse me, but who is the professional here and who is the intern? I pulled him out of there before he cracked. I have to take him through the flashback if we expect to get him through the source of the problem! Now, if you intend to finish this internship, I suggest you shut the hell up and take notes, while I do what I am PAID to do!"

Both interns shrank back from her sudden aggression, while she steadied herself and opened the mic again.

"Gary... Remember, there is nothing here that can harm you. This is a place of peace, of calm, of relaxation. Focus on your breathing..."

Gary struggled himself back into a prone position as the wind howled around him, and tried to focus on his breath as thunder roared in the clouds above him.

"That's good, Gary. Breath in.... breath out... breath in... breath out..."

Gary found a rhythm in the howl of the wind around him, and his breath soon matched the ebb and flow of the wind.

"Now, we're going to move forward again, Gary, to the day you remembered when you went to the house, when you were eight years old. Tell me what you see, Gary..."

In an instant, Gary found himself in the midst of a din of yelling children on a school bus. One boy, sitting next to him, said "You're such a lucky duck! Your birthday is the day after we get out of school! I can't wait for the party tomorrow!" 

Gary smiled "Heck yeah! You and me and Frank all out riding horses on Aunt Karen's farm! It's gonna be so awesome!" 

Frank stuck his head over the seat from behind and slapped him teasingly on the head "Yeah, it's about time you turned 9, we've all been waiting for you!" 

Gary swatted him back and sassed "Hey, just cause you were too dumb for kindergarten until you were 6, that's not my fault!"

Frank punched him in the arm - "Shut up! I was 5 when I started kindergarten!" He recovered and said "Hey, you guys wanna come play with my Atari at my house later?" 

Gary and Jesse shouted in unison "YEAH!" Neither of their parents would buy them a video game system, so any reason to play at Frank's house was a good one.

They all shifted forward as the bus driver hit the breaks and popped the door. The three scrambled to the front of the bus and piled off, Jesse and Frank heading to their respective houses a few doors down from Gary's house, which was directly across the street from the stop.

He ran toward the front door and burst in. "MOM! I'M HOME! CAN I GO TO FRANK'S HOUSE?!" he shouted as he ran up to his bedroom to dump his no-longer-necessary school bag. His mother appeared in the doorway almost instantly, with a black look on her face. 

"How many times have I told you to be QUIET when you come in after school?" she hissed. The wail of an infant from downstairs broke the tension as he stood there stiffly. She grabbed him by the ear and dragged him down the steps with her. 

"Since you decided to wake up Andrew by making a racket when you came in, you can do your hour of practice before you go ANYWHERE." she said gruffly as she dumped him onto the piano bench and headed to the nursery. He could hear her voice turn from hateful to loving as she lifted one the 8-month-old out of his crib and cooed to him as she carried him down the hall. She grabbed the timer from the top of the piano and cranked it out to 60 minutes. "This starts when I hear your lesson from last week!" she spat as she carried the infant out the back porch. She kept the infants in a small safety-gated sandbox, and let the toddlers and preschoolers play in the remainder of the yard, which was surrounded by a tall picket fence.

Gary stared at the keys with loathing. His mother came back inside and shouted "I DON'T HEAR ANY PIANO!" as she headed back toward the sitting room. Gary hurriedly opened his lesson book and began thumping out "Fur Elise" angrily, imagining how much fun Jesse and Frank were having playing Pac-Man and Space Invaders while he had to practice the stupid piano. Mother appeared next to the piano and slammed the timer, starting its ticking. She growled "This is supposed to be a LOVE SONG, now QUIT POUNDING!" She turned back toward the living room to watch her charges through the patio screen door. He hated the piano, but his mother had been forcing him to take lessons for the last 2 years. He stared up at the music on the page, and began slamming the notes out spitefully, as though Beethoven himself were taunting him about how much more fun his friends were having than he was at this moment. He was completely lost in his own angry thoughts when the yardstick cracked viciously across his hands, and he yelped as he withdrew them.

"I TOLD YOU TO QUIT POUNDING, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!! NOW YOU CAN START PRACTICE OVER AGAIN!!!" she shrieked as she rewound the timer. 

His hands swelled and turned purple in his lap as he wept. "WELL, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! GET YOUR FINGERS ON THOSE KEYS NOW!!!!" she yelled in his face.

He struggled his aching fingers back to the keyboard and tried to press the keys, but each note made the pain ten times worse. "QUIT YOUR GODDAMNED CRYING AND START PLAYING, OR I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT!" she screeched.

"I caaaan't" he blubbered. "My fingers hurt!" 

"FINE!" She grabbed him roughly by the shirt and jerked him off the bench, which fell backward with a loud thump. He wept as he staggered along beside her, begging as she pulled him up the steps. "No, I'm sorry... I'll go practice now... Mommy, please... No..." 

His pleas grew louder, "No, mommy, please, I want to practice!" as she dragged him into her bedroom.

"SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE BASTARD! YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE!"

She threw him roughly on the bed face down and ripped his pants and underpants down around his ankles. He wailed uncontrollably as he knew what was coming. He heard the clinking of metal as she grabbed a belt from out of the closet. He felt her hand in the middle of his back as he squirmed and pleaded. The belt swung up in the air and came back down lightning-fast. It bit into his backside like a snake, and he shrieked into the mattress in pain. Her voice kept rhythm with the snap of the belt as she brought it down onto his bare bottom. 

"WHEN! I! TELL! YOU! TO! DO! SOMETHING! YOU! DO! IT! NOW! DO! YOU! UNDERSTAND! ME?!"

He writhed in pain and shrieked back at her incoherently.

"I! SAID! DO! YOU! UNDERSTAND! ME?!?!?!" the belt lashed his bottom, demanding his answer. 

"YES!" he shrieked at the top of his lungs. "YESSSSS!!!!!!" as he wilted back into blubbering and weeping.

"GOOD!" she yelled as she flung the belt to the floor. "NOW! If you move one inch from that spot, I'll tan your hide so hard you'll WISH it only hurt this bad!" 

She stormed out the door and down the steps. He was paralyzed in fear and pain, and sobbed his foreboding into the blanket on his mother's bed. He wasn't waiting long, as her thunderous feet marched back up the steps with what sounded like a shopping bag in her hand. She dropped the bag on the floor with a crinkle of paper, and reached in. He heard another kind of crinkle and was horrified. 

"NO MOMMY PLEASE NO!" he shrieked as she ripped his pants and underpants the rest of the way off and flipped him by his ankles over onto a disposable. His whole body writhed in resistance while she held his ankles fast in one hand and reached back to the floor. She bent them back above his head and CRACK! went the belt across his already welted bottom. He screamed and blubbered again as she pulled his ankles back down. 

"NOW, ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP FIGHTING?!" 

"NOhohohoooooo" he whimpered. "Pleheeheeheeease..." as his body went limp and she taped him up. He scarcely had a chance to consider his predicament before she slapped a pacifier in his mouth and strapped it down with two huge pieces of packing tape that criss-crossed all the way to his ears. He screeched and wailed through the pacifier as she leered over top of him and announced.

"NOW! You throw a temper tantrum like a BABY, you get to be a BABY! How does it feel, BABY?!" 

He whimpered an incoherent response through the breathing holes on the pacifier as his nose ran while he wept. 

"AWWWWW, What's the matter, BABY?! Oh that's right, you wanted to go out and play with your FRIENDS, didn't you?" She scooped him up under an arm, and his crying intensified yet again in fear of what new punishment she had in store for him. She carried him down the steps and out the back door. Every child in the backyard stopped and stared as she carried his writhing form out, swung him around to grab him under his armpits, and drop him forcefully onto his rear into the gated sandbox with the three infants. Tears streamed down his face as the welts on his diapered backside reminded him of the beating she had just delivered. 

She turned around as he wept and said "Ali! Michael! Tommy! Derek! Come look at the big baby in the sandbox! Isn't big baby Gary funny? Come see big baby Gary crying and throwing a tantrum in the sandbox! Isn't he silly?"

She turned to him and hissed "Don't even think about climbing out of there, or I'll make you wish you'd never been born." 

The 3 and 4 year old children crowded around and pointed and laughed. His mother, satisfied, headed back toward the house as Tommy shouted "Don't cry, Baby Gary!" and the others laughed. Gary rolled onto his side and curled up to relieve the stinging on his bottom, as he began to struggle to breathe, snot filling his nose, and the tiny holes in the pacifier hardly being enough to give him a breath. He started to panic as he struggled for air, and lost control of his bladder. This mixed with the red stains in the back of his diaper from the wounds his mother previously inflicted and created a very prominent orange.

Ali shouted "EW! Baby Gary needs a DIAPER CHANGE!!!!" as Gary began to black out.

"Gary... Gary... It's time to return to your safe place, Gary..."

He could hear the voice, but it was distant, like a million miles from here, as he went dark.

[diaperpt]

Oh God! I cringed all the way through this chapter. I hate that this happened to Gary. As a story, however, you are painting a horrible, but beautiful picture. And I've said before, this may ring all too true for some of our fellow forum members.

Thanks for continuing.

[WBDaddy]

Chapter 11

Dr. Ulven struggled to hide the panic on her face as her tone changed. "Gary? Gary! Gary!!" The body in the other room remained curled in a fetal position and trembling, almost convulsing, as his breathing grew shallow.

She shut the microphone off and dashed into the observation room. "Get me a portable monitor in here, STAT!" she shrieked at the gape-mouthed interns. She attempted to grab one of Gary's wrists, but he was rigid and unmoving. She checked his pulse at the neck. "Heart rate is slow, but stable. He's not going into arrest." she declared.

Gary found himself in a long hallway. He looked at his hands, and they were still very small, but the bruises were gone. The pacifier was still in his mouth, but no longer taped down. He was still dressed in a t-shirt and a diaper, and barefoot, but the diaper was dry, and the t-shirt clean. He squinted down the hall and saw a figure that he couldn't make out. He began to walk toward the figure, but he found himself losing his balance and stumbling forward frequently. It was as though his legs were rubber. As he got closer, he could see it was a man standing in a doorway. He tried to quicken his pace, but he struggled to keep his feet, falling again and again. Tears welled up in his eyes as he bruised his elbows and knees on the hard floor. 

Finally, he was close enough to make out a face, and he knew instantly who it was. He began to run as the figure opened his arms. Just a few feet short of his smiling father, he lost his balance completely and fell forward, flat on his face. He looked up in tears as Daddy reached down and picked up his tiny form and held him silently as he wept.

As he felt the warmth of his father's embrace, the emotions continued to pour out of Gary in sobs. "Why, Daddy? Why did you go and leave me with her?" His voice was tiny in the huge hall as his tears soaked the robe his father wore. Daddy was silent as he continued to rock him and rub his back gently, delicately. The question rose in his mind, "why isn't he answering?", but it was lost in the tide of joy and sadness that overwhelmed him.

Dr. Ulven pulled a cordless phone out of her pocket and dialed the internal emergency line at the hospital. "Hello? Yes, this is Dr. Ulven, clinical psychiatry. I need a couple orderlies and a stretcher to Observation 4, stat. We're gonna need 50 cc of thorazine, restraints, and a pair of disposable briefs. Got all that? Good."

She kneeled down next to the limp form and half-whispered "We're going to bring you back, Gary. I promise."

She only wished she was as convinced as she tried to sound.

A few moments later, the orderlies arrived with the supplies. One pulled a syringe and began to uncap it. Dr. Ulven grabbed his wrist. "No, that's only if he puts up a fight. He's in a very fragile state right now, but he's not aggressive."

She bent back down and waved the orderlies over as she spoke softly "Gary, we're going to move you to someplace safer. Try to relax." 

There was no sign of response from the prone form on the couch. One of the orderlies reached under his armpits as the other took hold of his legs at the knees. Gary twitched a few times, but didn't resist, as they picked him up and laid him prone on the stretcher. The one carrying his legs removed his pants and the completely soaked diaper and put the fresh one on him. The pants were set aside as they wrapped the full-body restraint around him and cinched it tight, and wheeled him into the hall. Dr. Ulven said "I'll be upstairs to sign him in after I contact his aunt and get her down here."

A strange sensation came over Gary as he opened his tear-streaked eyes and he saw a pinpoint of light opening from out of the doorway in front of which they stood. He clutched his father tightly as the light grew, rushing toward them. All at once they were enveloped in the light, and he could feel his father's form dissolve in his grasp, as the light seemed to suspend him in midair. His body grew larger, and the clothes and pacifier dissolved away as well. He felt himself lowered to the ground on his back, completely naked.

Thunder roared above him and all at once he was back in the field of grass, in the midst of what felt like a hurricane. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed against the wind.

[babyredhead]

Wow, this story is REALLY good I can't wait to read more!!!

[WBDaddy]

I'm going to go ahead and give you the last complete chapter now, so you will be officially caught up to where I am in the writing. This chapter was nearly a week in the making, due to writing, re-writing, a computer foulup that caused it to be wiped, more writing and rewriting, and generally just trying to ensure that there wasn't a huge dropoff in the level of intensity between what has happened up to this point and where it's headed. After this, though, it'll be a bit before the next chapter surfaces, because it has been tough sledding trying to bring Gary to where he needs to get before the healing process can begin.

[WBDaddy]

Chapter 12

The orderlies had just arrived at the 5-C secure wing of the UND Psychiatric facility when the body on the stretcher began to shriek and convulse. The front desk nurse shouted over "Do you have a tag for him?", and the orderly reached into his pocket and pulled the syringe out.

(In inpatient clinical psychiatry, the pairing of a full-body blanket-style restraint and a 50cc shot of thorazine is colloquially known as a "bag and tag")

The nurse ran over and grabbed the syringe as the two huge men held Gary's upper body still. The nurse gave his neck a quick wipe with an alcohol swab and stuck him with the syringe. Within moments, the shrieking was reduced to faint moaning, and his body was still. They wheeled him into one of the "safe" rooms, fully padded with gymnasium-style vinyl floor mat material on the walls and floor, deposited him on the floor, and locked the door behind them.

A few moments later Dr. Ulven arrived and filled out the IEA (involuntary emergency admission) paperwork and advised the front desk nurse that Gary's aunt, Karen Makowski, would be arriving shortly, and would have standard visitation privileges and medical decisionmaking as his only next of kin.

She turned to one of the orderlies and demanded "What happened? Any triggers? Anything unusual before he flipped?"

"No, ma'am, he just started screaming and wrestling around."

"Any words?"

"Sounded like he was screaming 'No', that's about all I could make out."

Sharon was frustrated. This information gave her absolutely no insight into what was going on in his head, and now she was stuck waiting for the tranquilizer to wear off before she could even try to reach him.

As the rain pounded him and the tall grass whipped his naked form, Gary scarcely noticed the pinprick in his neck. The scene began to dissolve into a gray fog which enveloped him completely. He was acutely aware of the sensation of floating in midair. All the memories so long locked away in his mind came back to him, but they were like television screens in the middle of the fog, replaying the scenes like some bad serial horror movie. Gary was emotionless as he watched, but strangely compelled to focus his eyes on the screens in front of him as he saw his mother brutalize, terrorize, and humiliate his child self over and over again. One by one, the screens blinked out until only one remained, the terrible scene of him lying in the sand, struggling to breathe, as several infants stared wide-eyed and the preschoolers laughed and pointed.

This time, the child did not pass out. He turned his eyes directly toward Gary. He stood up and began to reach out of this non corporeal television. The screen started to draw closer to Gary, and he reached out to the child and grabbed his hands. The child's entire form came out of the screen, and it dissolved into the mist. The child embraced him and buried his head in Gary's shoulder.

Gary felt the packing tape against his neck, and he reached up and gently pulled it away from the child's face. The pacifier remained attached to the tape as he held it in the air and they both watched it vanish. He reached down and pulled one of the tapes loose from the diaper, and the entire thing melted away from under the boy's bottom as they both stared in wonder. Gary saw the welts on the child's buttocks and upper thighs. One by one, he touched the purple lines, and they dissolved into pink, healthy skin. The boy gave him a tighter squeeze around his neck and then let go as he looked into his eyes silently and began to drift backward and dissolve into the mist.

As the child dissipated into the mist, Gary felt searing pain across the backs of his legs and his own buttocks. He reached down and felt the plastic of the baby diaper covering his now sore backside, and felt the swollen, angry welts underneath across his thighs. He was even more stunned as he realized the packing tape now covered his own face, pacifier securely in place in his mouth. He tried to pull the tape off, but it wouldn't budge. Panic and confusion began to grip him as he was suddenly aware that he was no longer floating, but falling. He screamed silently as the earth rose up to greet his flailing body...

Karen Makowski rushed off the elevator at 5C with panic in her eyes. "Where is he?!" she shouted at the front desk nurse. "Where is Gary?! What the hell happened?!"

"Calm down, Mrs. Makowski, and I'll..." the nurse replied flatly.

"DAMN YOU, I will NOT calm down!" Karen spat. "My nephew came here for THERAPY, and now suddenly he's ADMITTED?! WHAT the HELL is going on here?!"

Dr. Ulven rushed out of a nearby office and put her arm around the frantic woman. "Karen, Gary is sedated right now, and we're trying to figure things out. Come with me, I'll fill you in." She glared at the nurse. "Get Miss Makowski a cup of coffee!" she barked.

She led Karen into the office and sat her down in a chair across her desk. Karen was visibly trembling. "Sharon, what the hell is going on here? This was supposed to be a simple therapy session. I don't understand. What went wrong?"

Sharon grasped her hands from across the desk. "Karen, there have been rare cases in the past of patients who, when presented with extreme trauma from their past, have had brief psychotic breaks. I took Gary through a number of repressed memories today, and he seemed to be responding reasonably well. However, when I brought him up to the flashback he had yesterday at your sister's house, the stress of that particular memory was too much for him to handle, and he broke. Right now, he's in a safe room, he's sedated, and he's restrained, but he is safe, and I'm going to bring him back. You need to understand this, that I will find a way to bring him back."

"Bring him back from what, Sharon? What do you mean, psychotic break? Did he freak out and start attacking people? What happened?" Karen was even more frantic at this point.

Ulven sighed. "No, Karen, it was nothing like that. A psychotic break happens when someone dissociates from reality under extreme duress. He basically went into shock. Honestly, Karen, what he was describing under hypnosis today, I honestly don't know how he continued to function back THEN, and I suspect we weren't all the way through that particular trauma when he broke down. After 25 years of practice, I have to say just the few places we touched today along with the account you gave yesterday would rank him as one of the worst cases of abuse I've ever handled. I'm amazed that Gary, memory blocks or not, has found a way to compensate for this long without any kind of treatment."

"So what now, Sharon? I mean, how do we get him back?" Karen had regained her composure, but was still more than unnerved after this revelation.

"Well, he's here for 72 hours. I've already signed the IEA. I'm going to work with him as much as possible over that time period to reconnect him with the present." Sharon said matter-of-factly.

"And if it takes longer?" Karen asked nervously.

"Well, I'll need you to come down and sign commitment papers in that case, Karen. I know that sounds ominous, but I assure you, I only want to keep him inpatient until we have him stable and in touch with reality again."

"So what can I do, other than sit here and worry?" Karen was exasperated at this point.

Sharon took a more serious tone. "Karen, I need you to keep it together. When we do finally get him stable, he's going to need you. It's going to be a long, tough road of intense therapy going forward from here, and you're going to have to be his primary support the whole way."

Karen exhaled and gathered herself. "Well, can I at least see him before I go home and try to pretend everything is okay?"

Sharon hesitated. "I'm not sure that's a great idea, Karen. He's in full body restraints and sedated. You're going to see his head sticking out of what looks like a sleeping bag, and that's about it. Are you sure?"

"He's my nephew, and I've seen him in far worse shape than that, thank you very much." Karen said stiffly.

"Alright, alright. Follow me."

They walked down the main hall, various noises emanating from other rooms, from normal voices to inhuman grunts and other strange sounds. Sharon stopped and opened a sliding panel. There was Gary, prone, lifeless, eyes closed, with a contorted expression that only hinted at the underlying turmoil. Karen gasped and averted her eyes for a moment, then turned back and put her hand on the wire-glass window. In a tiny voice, she whispered "I don't know where you are, child, but please find your way home soon."