Diaper Deal Breakers

[diaperboy0001]

Hi everyone.

I have not posted messages online since the 80's.

I wish that things like this comunity existed when I was starting to get serious with who would eventualy become my wife.

My lifetime seceret love of wearing disposable diapers and rubber pants would eventualy lead to my recent divorce.

I have never felt so lonely, depressed, confused and worthless in my entire life.

I am getting through this right now and I know that in a few months, I will be moving on.

I was wondering if there was anyone who wished to share similar experiences where they reveal to their partner that they either have to or want to wear diapers.

Alexander

[RMS401]

Hi, Diaperboy. I am so sorry to hear about the demise of your marriage. I think we all know how painful the death of a relationship can be, married or not. We've all been there.

I hesitate to say this because I think you're probably looking more for comfort and camaraderie than analysis, but I suspect that the diapers were merely one symptom of a larger problem. I don't know you, and I know nothing about your marriage, but I have to believe that marriages end for more and bigger reasons than this.

But what I can say is that we are here for you, and I know there are hundreds of people here who would be happy to have private conversations, including me, if that's what you need. This is gonna be rough for a while, I don't lie. But on the other side, things are better, and there are people who accept you for who you really are.

-RMS

P.S. You were posting online in the '80s?

[tcc]

I agree with RMS. I doubt that diapers were the sole reason your marriage ended.

However, you need to do a lot of looking through the forum threads instead of starting a new one. There is a lot of past-history shared by others and a lot of insight and wisdom at this site.

Being a diaper fetishist is a big deal to those in our AB/DL "community". However, versus life, as a whole, diaper fetishism is minor in the scope of relationships and dysfunction in that regard.

As I have said and will continue to say, a person's AB/DL side/life/world needs to be presented and made known up front and before much time and emotion has been invested into a relationship, out of fairness to the partners. And, versus waxing on at length, I'll leave it at that.

Good luck in your grieving and mourning of your marriage/relationship. Good luck in the future.

[diaperpt]

Your heading of "Deal Breakers" caught my attention immediately. Just about a year ago my wife confronted me with the question of whether I'd been wearing diapers. I'd gotten over confident and careless and was found out. I could have tried to lie, but that would only have made it worse. She immediately set diapers as a "Deal Breaker." She insisted I see a psychiatrist - not just a counsellor or psychologist - I guess because she thought I was crazy. I got rid of all my stuff and things were very tense for quite some time. I stayed away from diapers for almost 6 months, but I finally couldn't stand it and went back to wearing when I had the chance.

We didn't, however, get a divorce, so I'm very fortunate there. I've been seeing the shrink for all this time, once a week, and have made lots of progress - on a lot of fronts - but he doesn't see anything particularly horrible about me wearing diapers and asks if I've pushed the issue with my wife and asked her why she has such a strong reaction. When I've suggested during therapy that at some time if my 'needs' are filled, I might no longer need diapers, he says maybe, but maybe I'll continue to 'need' them.

I did go through a divorce with my previous wife - nothing related to diapers or fetish - but I do know how horrible you feel after a divorce. "lonely, depressed, confused and worthless" is a good description of how I felt for quite a while following my divorce regardless of how happy I was to be out of that marriage.

At this point, my wife has said she wouldn't divorce me over this, and she is 'trying to understand' my needs right now, but pushes for me to say that I'll give it up at some point. She doesn't want to see, hear or know anything about me wearing and when we aren't together, she says she'll often worry that I might be just having a great little time... She admits this puts me between 'a rock and a hard place'. I don't want a divorce either, but I don't like the idea that I'd have to make a choice between my wife and my need for diapers.

I suspect that RMS and tcc are right that the divorce was probably over more than just the diapers. I will say that my wife still feels very 'betrayed' by the secret I held for so many years. She says she no longer feels she knows who I am and I can't persuade her any different. My shrink points out to me that there was no way I could have told her and that it seems strange that she thinks I should have revealed something that would have prevented us from going any further in our relationship.

In short, I do sympathize with you in many ways. If you ever want to message me, I think I'm a pretty good listener. No one can 'fix' your situation, but you can be consoled by the fact that none of us are alone in what ever situation develops around our need (physical and/or emotional) for diapers. And you can maybe unload a little of the pain you're feeling.

Good luck. The good news is though it is painful and will continue to be, divorce isn't the end. Eventually you can build yourself a new life that you can grow into - with or without a relationship. And who knows but what you might find another woman who will love you and at least accept you as you are. As you already know, there are countless people here who can give you good advice about how and when to broach the big "D" word in a new relationship.

[willow]

You are what you are, very hard to change that.

I'd put anyone who didn't accept me to the curb. Then again, if I'd kept it secret and lived a lie for years I'd expect to be on the curb myself.

As many wise people said to me as I was going through a divorce, it will pass, and you will be better off for it. Hard to believe at the time, but true.

[adhb]

I wemt through a somewhat similar situation, although I was the one who eventually decided to leave. I'm incontinent, and my former wife who is a nurse started out being very understanding about my medical condition. However, over the course of the 13 years we were married, she became less tolerant, eventually reaching the point where she said that my need for diapers made me less of a man in her eyes. Finally, I decided enough was enough and left her. There were also other issues, but my incontinence and her reaction to it were the problem that eventually made me decide to go.

[aleyxsis]

I do feel very deeply for you diaper boy i have also been throu the same thing ! .I was very depressed and hurt for a long time !.I have now been able to move on succesfully and now even have an x Gf who knows and is way more understanding about the whole thing .We broke for different reasons but the diapers still had a role in our breakup .I guess my point is you will be ok and will hopefully find someone who is understanding about the whole lifestyle .I have not given up yet and if i can make you can !! goodluck !

[onsie]

Guess I was lucky... anyway...my wife found my stash about 2 weeks before our wedding. Explained been that/this way all my life, and I was glad in away she found out ahead of time. +30 yrs now, man time flys...1Z

[Baxter]

Sorry to hear that the woman you were in love with is so close minded. She is selfish. You'll find the right one just as I have. Best of luck to you.

[Toddler Pampers]

Diapers aren't likely to end a relationship, but they tend to undermine it. I know my wife wishes I didn't have a diaper fetish. She doesn't dwell on it, but it certainly doesn't have a place in our relationship. I'm okay if I don't mention it, but who wants to go through life not being able to be open about something they find so exciting. I'm being asked to repress myself, which is difficult and feels like a putdown.

[RMS401]

Diapers aren't likely to end a relationship, but they tend to undermine it. I know my wife wishes I didn't have a diaper fetish. She doesn't dwell on it, but it certainly doesn't have a place in our relationship. I'm okay if I don't mention it, but who wants to go through life not being able to be open about something they find so exciting. I'm being asked to repress myself, which is difficult and feels like a putdown.

Yep, that's exactly how I feel, Toddler. My wife knows about my fetish, but wants absolutely nothing to do with it. Some time ago she found a small stash that I keep in the laundry room and it pretty much ruined her--and therefore our--day. And I also agree that not being able to talk about it and share this side of myself is a small rejection, and it hurts. But on the other hand, I understand how she feels. She married a big, strong man and ended up with a guy with a really, really weird fetish for diapers. It's just not fair no matter how you look at it.

-RMS

[d_drew12]

Diapers aren't likely to end a relationship, but they tend to undermine it. I know my wife wishes I didn't have a diaper fetish. She doesn't dwell on it, but it certainly doesn't have a place in our relationship. I'm okay if I don't mention it, but who wants to go through life not being able to be open about something they find so exciting. I'm being asked to repress myself, which is difficult and feels like a putdown.

Exactly, diapers are typically not the sole reason for a divorce. You honestly have to ask yourself, if there had been no diapers, would you have the perfect marriage right now? Was it great the day before she caught you? Probably not. Though the diapers may have been the straw that broke the camels back, it was in all likely not the reason for the divorce. I can see how you may feel this way as this was the final straw but look at all the other things that I'm sure weren't perfect in the marriage either and any one of them could have also been the final straw. We often tend to focus on that final straw though.

The biggest thing you can do as get a network of friends like us that you can talk to and also realise what 5 emotions you're going to go through during this divorce. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. LINK TO 5 STAGES Focus on getting to the last one so you can start fresh and have a new outlook on your life.

[Missy Q]

Exactly, diapers are typically not the sole reason for a divorce.

I wouldn't completely disregard this idea. You would be amazed at how close-minded some people are out there.

[d_drew12]

I wouldn't completely disregard this idea. You would be amazed at how close-minded some people are out there.

Yes, I'd agree there are some close minded people out there but honestly, who has a perfect marriage that just goes away in a heart beat over even 1 topic unless it's infidelity or such. I'd guarantee there's more than just the diapers causing the divorce. She'd probably given him a second chance or an opportunity to make things right first even if it were just about the diapers if the marriage was so great. Just saying, the likelihood of a perfect marriage ending on the discovery of diapers is probably in all likely not going to happen. If you're marriage is that great, the two people involved are probably not the closed minded type either. Just my two cents anyway.

[happyindprs]

I don't know if it made any difference but I came out to my wife before we were married. We had gotten serious about our future together and although I had suppressed my desires for months I knew I could not continue much longer or for an entire lifetime together. So I spilled my guts and told her everything. I really thought she would leave me. However she loved me for not keeping secrets from her and we are married over thirty years mow.

I have given my wife several reasons to leave me but lucky for me she has persisted. She knows I will never outgrow my need for diapers but she has also said that I am so much more than a guy that still wears diapers. It is always sad when a marriage or a relationship ends over something so trivial. People want honesty in a relationship and when they get it, it wasn't what they wanted to hear and balk at it and then want out.

So many of us want to be accepted from others and yet we are often met with closed minded people. My heart goes out to you and your troubles as I know you cannot ever out grow your need for diapers either. This may not mean much to you but know that there are many people here that have either gone through this same thing or can relate to it in some way and are always willing to add their support.

[Mr. Sea Otter]

Divorced over diapers? Yea, been there done that unfortunately. I'm not interested in really going over the whole story, but diapers supposedly did play a role in the ending of my marriage. My wife was 100% aware of my diaper side years before we got married though, so its hard to really say how much of a role it really had. But divorce sucks, its a tough thing to go through. All I can tell you is to really take care of yourself during this time. Eat well, get massages, see old friends and be patient, it takes a lot of time. There is life after divorce though, I am already in my second relationship, and diapers are out in the open. I don't want to judge others, but I personally would never be in a relationship where diapers had to be a secret.... I just don't see how I could hide something like that from the person I loved.

Good luck to you!