Last Post Wins....

[underwhere]

Good grief, the whole world. I mean, freswith is always trying so hard to win, and we all know that it is completely against the rules for a frog to win, so I don't know why a frog even bothers to try.

[freswith]

Being a frog makes you try harder.

[square_duck]

From what I hear, it isn't easy being green....but ten I don't have to worry about that

[freswith]

I believe Mary Travers actually fell in love with a big blue frog, but that's the luck of the draw.

[freswith]

"Oh dear," said Chantilly, "and I wath hoping for a peathful night."

"What time does the brawl start?" asked the Professor.

"It'th a bit late tonight," replied Chantilly, "Probably it'th the latht epithode of "Teddy Bearth Thurprithe" on the telly. They all love a thentimental thoap, you know."

Freswith removed the magazine from his luger, checked it and replaced it. "Five rounds left, that's all. And a spare magazine. Wun! I'll have a box of nine millimetre if you please." Wun nodded, and slid the box along the counter to Freswith's end, where it was gratefully retieved.

Unfortunately the movement attracted the attention of the duck, who screamed "Freswith, you bastard! You've got it coming this time!"

[Bonsai]

[OOC: I'm winning!]

Back to the story, please...

[underwhere]

The story has me more than a little confused, so instead of focusing on the story, I will focus on winning.

[freswith]

It shut you all up for quite a while and left me WINNING!

[underwhere]

Was it worth it that much to you to be winning, freswith? I mean, really, what is the point of winning if nobody can understand what you are croaking about?

[square_duck]

It seems though that the story has become rather 'ribbiting' for some

[underwhere]

I used that pun already, you quack! Don't even think of stealing my puns, or I'll just have to PUNish you by winning, kindof like I am now.

[square_duck]

Ohhh A 'pun'itentiary! sounds...interesting!

[freswith]

Children! Be Quiet! Settle down while Granny continues her story....

[underwhere]

and how exactly will granny continue this story? We need some new plot twist, or a new character, or maybe an unsolved mystery. Where ever shall we get such devious literary devices?

Eh, who cares! I'm winning anyway.

[square_duck]

Working his way into the town the duck finds a drinking fountain outside a store, and takes a long drink of the cool water. Looking around, he notices all the new buildings and establishments. One was rather ornate, to the point of being gaudy. The sign read teh Law Firm of Oui, Chatam and Howe. The duck shook his head and filled his canteen with the cool water and put it back around his neck, and continued on down the street following the direction of the ornate eatery sign.

Coming around a corner, he noticed something odd, a green and gold and red irradecent something sticking out of a side alley. “what the heck is THAT” he mumbled to himself, just as the colorful something moved, swinging up a abit and twirling around and coming to rest again.

Intrigued, and following the directions, he cautiously approached the unknown something as it twitched again. The duck slid along the wall near the scaly object, and looking down the alley, found the scaly something was attached to something much much bigger....then it occured to him that this must be Chan Tilly, the (formerly) small Dragon of years gone past. He has grown to be the 30 or more foot long monster laying before him.

Duck carefully slid along the wall of the alley, stepping in puddles as he neared the other opening, and where he hoped would be the other end of the scaly beast he was so close to. Exiting the alley, there it was, the now massive head of the beast he had known only as a child. Now full grown, Chantilly was VERY impressive. His green and gold scales changing colors as he breathed, evidently taking a nap. Smoke gently exiting from his nostrils..

Square spoke carefully...

“Chan”?

......”Chan Tilly”??

....TILLY!!”

Indesperation, the Duck almost shouted

“SNAP!!!!”

The dragon immediately roused and thrust out a claw spiked paw in the direction of the sound, suddenly and painfully pinning the duck to the wall.

“NO ONE CALLTH ME THAT!!!!, the ferocious beast spat, spraying saliva and eyes glowering and still a bit foggy from the nap.

The duck feeling a bit crushed by the scaled paw, with needle sharp claws millimeters away from his neck and other vital areas, wheezed”

“Chan...it’s me”.....

The dragon looked befuddled and still not quite awake...

“Therth only one who can call me that...and he hasthent been around for a wong time”

“Chan Tilly...it’s ME ....square! “

“Thquare??!! ..ish that you?”

Yeah, who else would have the guts to call you ‘snap” now can you ease up on the paw push??”

Chantilly withdrew his paw, allowing the duck to slide to the ground with a thud, gasping for air.

THQUARE!!!! “Wow” Chantilly said Lowering his giant head to the street for a better look.

“Ith’s been a wong thime”, He sprayed “

“Where the heck you been thquare?? and what been happening?? I have mithed you!”

The duck carefully traded High 5’s with his old friend and rearranges his ‘newly pressed’ clothing to a more comfortable fit.

“it’s a long story, but I’ve mithed.....’Missed’ you too, said with a smile

what happened with you?? You’ve grown quite a bit.....Wun hung lo’s obviously been been feeding you a lot of frogs legs!! “

“Odd you thood thay that...a thet of fwogs legs wath just askthing about Peking Duck... “

“Whoa!!...now who may THAT have been” I wonder...

“Your “old Fwiend” Fweswith is here with someone elsth..don’t know who.”

ChanTilly’s large red and gold eyes rolled to the side, indicating the restrauant.

“They are thitting inthide, in the corner...hith fwiend has a funny hat on, never theen one like it before.”

Looking down, square indeed sees fresh wet webbed foot prints on the cobblestones, as one of the pair had evidently walked through the puddle of drool Chantilly left.

“Man, tilly, you just seem to leak everywhere...you sure have grown a lot, but it didn’t seem to help with your drooling”

“Yeth, I know..thorry. It theems to be a dental pwoblem, it’ths theths big canines get in the way. I tried a speeth theripist, but they said they could’nt do muth unless I had some teeth pulled....and I didn’t wanna do that. Whats a dwagon without fangs and big teeth??”

Then the duck shuddered, and realized what he had been walking through. The puddles on the street and alley way weren’t just ‘puddles’.

“I guess they could’nt do much for your ummm....‘nocturnal enurosis” either”??

The dragon looked down, then to the side as if to hide a blush, if dragons could blush.

”Sorry to bring that up” he said patting a scaly shoulder, it’s just...well....when I can in down the alley, there was a lot of..”

PEE! Yeth I know....I sleep here because there's a dwain in the alley way, tho most of it goes there....but...thtill it makes a bit of a meth...

I with it would thop someday.....or thomone would make thomething I could wear to keep the threet dwy....”

“ A BIT of a mess?? heck there's a regular river flowing down that way”

Chan Tilly looked very sad and embarrassed infront of his friend, the only real friend he ever really had. It seemed everyone else would tease him about his lisp or his drooling or his bedwetting. But inspite of all the teasing and ridicule, Chan Tilly remained a good spirited sort, still friendly and with a good nature and fun to talk with and be around, never letting negativity get him down.....but no one calls him “snap” that's the only thing that really bothers him, but fortunately, few if any others know that...no one except his old childhood friend.

“It’s OK Chan, it’s just the way you are and it doesn’t mean you are bad or anything....sorry I brought it up..I didn’t mean anything by it...OK???”

The dragon smiled and a puff of smoke drifted from his nostrils

“So, other then the unfortunate cliental inside, how's Wun doing?? he still cooking right??”

“Yeth” said Tilly smiling happily.

“Why not go in and thay ‘HI’ I am thure he would wike to thee you too”

”Ok, great, I’m starving anyways. Good to see you again, I’ll be back in a bit after taking care of some ‘personal’ business”

The Dragon nodded knowingly, as Square gingerly tiptoed around the slippery puddles and entered the eatery.

Pushing open the swinging doors, he glanced into the shadowy and dimly lit interior. The bar was on the left as he remembered and the room was seperated by a low wall with pillars that went to the ceiling. The wooden floor was old and worn from the decades of traffic.

HE noted the faded ‘Indiana Jones’ posters on the walls, which looked out of place for some reason.

After his eyes adjusted a bit, he entered and went to the bar and knocked on the wooden top.

”Hello!!???”

“Any...WUN around??

Through the beaded doorway on the side came a familiar figure...Wun Hung Lo the owner and cook. He always walked with an odd swagger which Square always thought odd, until recently when he matched the name to the man....then knew why.

Won looked and smiled at the stranger before him.

‘What I get for you misser???”

“Won, its me.... I guess you don’t recognize me huh?? Tilly almost ate me alive a minute ago...so it’s no surprise”

Won took another look and then a grin of recognition crossed his face

“Squire Drake!!! it’s been a heck of a long time! Where you been?? people been say that you disappeared mysteriously a LONG time ago”

“Yea,I heard that too.” he said ,tipping back the dust fedora further on his head.

“No Wun, I’m Square Duck, his grandson” he replied, all the while ever so aware of the two pairs of beady eyes boring a hole in the back of his head from across the room.

“SQUARE DUCK!!!” Won said in an amazed hushed whisper, his eyes getting big. How you been?? Where you been? whats happened with your grandfather?? This is an amazing day!!”

“yeah, you could say that” square said rubbing the area in his rear where the bullet impacted earlier in the morning.

“Say, you happen to have some of those square slugs we used to get?? man those were just the best!”

Wun smiled greatly and bent to dig out the requested item. Blowing the dust off the containers, he produced 4 tins of the delicacy.

“Oh” the duck said leaning in a bit

“and I also need something to “Quaich” my thirst....he said deliberatly, “if you know what I mean”

Handing over the tins of slugs Wun said

“There's someone else here too” said Wun, motioning with his eyes to the left into the darker part of the eatery.

“Yeah, Chan tilly said they were here....how much for the snack??”

“That $30, but for you I make it $25 special discount”

“Twenty five bucks! Jeeze, your prices sure have gone up.....”he said shaking his head while handing over the bills.

“Not much business for these things, no one want them except for you and Squire, these been here for years...good thing they are well sealed and have lots of garlic and spices”

Square took the dusty tins and tucked 3 of them in his vest pocket. He pealed back the top of the 4th one and wiggled out one of the slugs inside and popped in his mouth. The flavors were intense and immediate as he sucked on the savory juices and gently chewed a couple of times on the rubbery slug.

“GOD THATS GOOD!!!!” he said, pounding his fist a couple of times on the bar as he savored his favorite snack like it was manah from heaven. He swallowed and popped another one from the tin, licking his fingers of the slime that came with the morsel.

“I still could use that drink” he said, gazing into the mirror behind the bar at the figures in the far corner glaring at him.

“What you like??” asked Wun

“Beer on Tap will do” he said while picking the remains of his snack out of of his teeth.

Turning to address the room in general but towards the only other occupants in specific he said

“No, Wun, skip the Beer, get me a “COUPLE OF SHOTS” of that ‘green’ stuff you keep IN THE BACK”.

Wun nodded and left to go to the back where he kept his best beverages.

Gently, yet deliberatly chewing on his snack, and glaring into the dim dining area, square gingerly eased the .45 out of it’s holster and lowered it to his side, cocked and ready....just in case.

[underwhere]

"Dats a fine .45 you got dere, m'lad. Where'd ya pick up such a beast?"

The question came from a very large man with a bald head and a long white beard who had been observing the goings on, watching the frog carefully as it entered the bar, particularly because of the obvious presence of such a weapon. Standing at what he thought would be a safe distance of 20 feet, he continued, "My great grand-daddy use ter own one of dem dere weapons. Dunno if ya ever heard about him, but dey use to make fun o' him cause of how he wore his cloding, inside out, y'see. S'right, he'd wear his underwear over his pants. Sure did make him look awful silly, but nobody dare mention it to him, y'see, cause de one guy dat did mention it never talked again on 'count of a bullet which came from dat gun. Was a nice guy too, but none too bright."

By this point, Wun had returned with the requested drinks.

"Wun, how bout a quadruple Scotch for me please?" The man laid down a 20 on the table. "In my day, everbody knew that if you could down a quadruple scotch in one gulp, you were gonna have a real good night of winning....."

"So, is dere a story behind dat dere weapon?"

[square_duck]

He eyed the stranger carefully, shifting between the couple in the corner and the bald man who seemed to be talking just a bit too loud for his tastes.

“ so it was your Great grandfather who shot that dude in the street outside huh?? I remember that....such a mess and waste.

This one?? yeah, it belonged to my grandfather, I got it from his room when he disappeared” what’s it to ya..?

With that he reached back and picked up the drink he ordered, always shifting his gaze back and forth between the rooms occupants”

“You might be careful of that scotch tonight, this isn't a really a good place to be here right now”

Then he said rather loudly ”the only winner is the one still STANDING”, as he glanced towards the corner.

He continued to trade glares with the rooms other occupants, and the tension in the room escalated. Just when one of the occupants in the booth moved, he heard it, a sound like no other, that distracted him. A bullet whizzed by his head and smashed into the back wall behind the bar as he turned towards the door and the source of the sound.

The bald bearded stranger slammed down his scotches and yelped at the gunfire. He attempted to head out the door but stopped in his tracks. A noise like a rickshaw on steroids, came rattling down the street. He saw Chan Tilly’s back through the window, raise up and contort, then collapse with a thud and gasp. The noise got closer, and the Duck moved to his left to a hall way covered by a curtain. He watched the bald man stand in utter shock and terror at what he saw out the door, a puddle formed at his feet, and the seat of his pants seemed to suddenly sag as he emptied himself into his clothing. Sheltered there, he could watch the door and the two at the table in the corner.

The sound stopped in front of the door and a shadow was cast along the floor. The doors opened slightly and something reached in and the frozen figure of the bald customer suddenly disappeared with a crunch and horrifying shriek. The doors opened further, slowly, and another figure of someone in a wheelchair took his place and rolled into the room. The floorboards squeaked under the weight of the machine and its operator. It let out a hiss as a brake was applied and the operator turned to the bar and growled out it’s order to Wun, who stood trembling and frozen in horror.

[Juliabam]

Gimme that bottle of holy water, the operator hollered as the chair sent out massive amounts of steam and transformed into a standing cross. The duck stood petrified pointing in a direction he did not know where was himself, but his instinct assured him it must have been the right one. Smell of sulfur tickled the nostrils and the distinct green smoke alien frogs emits when they vanish in blue air was hanging like a slimy fog in the room. What are you all up to, are you trying to get yourself killed in search for a holy grail, when all you had to do was finding a simple prize for being the second best, almost as good as I, the standing cross was shivering as the angry voice lashed across the room as if it intended to punish a bunch of naughty kids. You kids better play nice now, or you will learn what this humachine can teach you about high performance chastening. I said follow the duck, not shoot him, if you miss and shoot off his arm, you'll never know where he was pointing would ya. Now be nice.. zoom the standing cross transformed into a vehicle and lft through th doorway faster than anybody could ever get to asking any questions or oppose to said words.

[freswith]

"How frightfully odd!" exclaimed the Professor and then "Are you there, Freswith?"

Freswith rematerialised. "She's often like that you know, here one minute and gone the next. Style, but no stickability. Poor roadholding too, I believe. Now, while that idiot duck is occupied with the Dragon, let's have a look at this cupboard door. Ah! Yes! Just what I suspected - a combination lock, just like the one Wun uses on his wife's chastity belt. I'll bet he's used the same number as well."

"How will we find out what it is?" said the Professor.

"It's written down on the wall of the Gent's toilet of the old Cat and Ferret Inn."

"How do you know that, Freswith?"

"Because I wrote it there. What a night that was!"

"That's hardly a gentlemanly thing to do!" exclaimed the Professor. "Anyone might have seen it!"

"I wrote it Chinese." replied Freswith. "Poor old Wun is terribly forgetful when he's been on the booze, and needs reminding. Now all we need is a smokescreen."

At that moment Chan Tilly stuck his head in the doorway, looking anything but pleased. Dragon scales will resist anything up to an anti-tank rocket, but a .45 slug will still produce a painful bruise. His eyes caught sight of a duck holding a .45 pistol, and dragons are notoriously short-tempered.

"You Bathtard!" hithed Chantilly, "What did you do that for?"

"It wathn't me, sorry, wasn't me Chan, it was that underewhere bloke. Julia got him!"

"Are you feeling faint?" said Chan Tilly menacingly.

The Duck shook and trembled. "Just a little bit." he replied.

"Betht thing to do when thomebody feelth faint is to burn thome featherth under hith nothe." said Chan Tilly, and blew a great ball of flame towards the unfortunate duck.

[underwhere]

He watched the bald man stand in utter shock and terror at what he saw out the door, a puddle formed at his feet, and the seat of his pants seemed to suddenly sag as he emptied himself into his clothing. Sheltered there, he could watch the door and the two at the table in the corner. The sound stopped in front of the door and a shadow was cast along the floor. The doors opened slightly and something reached in and the frozen figure of the bald customer suddenly disappeared with a crunch and horrifying shriek.

You had my character eaten alive, you rascally duck! That really wasn't very nice of you. Yes, he was a bit too loud, ok, and the shock and the screams and the wetting were good, but did my character really deserve to die? Hmmf, all you seem to care about is blood, gore, wetting, and winning. Don't you know there is far more to life than that?

Anyway, back to the story. It was nice to play a small part, but now I shall resume observing, and winning of course.

[Juliabam]

You had my character eaten alive,

I personally loved that part!

[freswith]

Somehow knew you would bring him up one way or another....

[underwhere]

As far as I know, he wasn't brought up. He was digested!

Never mind. I'll just leave the role playing to you, and the winning to me.

Carry on with the story.

[square_duck]

He wasn't eaten, just killed by "J" ...because he was in her way he was grabbed, and crushed while being thrown out the door and wound up slamming against a wall across the street from Chan Tilly....more on that when I post it in the coming 'chapter' if you want to call it that. writing a "group story" like this is actually harder than hell, trying to make sense of everyone else's point of view and character goals...UGH.

But just because one character is gone doesn't mean you cannot create another.

[underwhere]

The "crunch" implied that by character was eaten, or at the very least, seriously injured by something with either big jaws or a huge quantity of pressure applied to my character's bones. Either way, if he is not dead, surely he will want to be now. In any event, you just confirmed he was, in fact, murdered, so R.I.P. my character, who did not even get to reveal his name.