Last Post Wins....

[freswith]

That is a rather weak bookcase or a rather large book.

Ninety-three volumes, including three on "Ribbit" and one on obscene insults suitable to use on habitual losers.

Also one large appendix on "Winning"

[babyleanna75]

I win

[Nualla]

I AM WINNING HARDER THAN CHARLIE SHEEN!

[babyleanna75]

Not For long now I am winning

[underwhere]

Now freswith, I know I purchased such a copy of the "Dictionary of the Arcturan Tree Frog Language", and I never got the three volumes on "Ribbit" you claim came with it, and i definitely never got the one with "obscene insults suitable to use on habitual losers". Therefore, I must have been given a defective dictionary. I either want my money back or a full replacement.

[luv2beSpanked]

Dr Freswiths excellent Dictionary of the Arcturan Tree Frog Language* also lists "underwhere" as "perpetual loser who won't admit it".

* Available from the Lilypad Press, London SW1, at only £100,000 including a cherrywood-veneer bookcase that is almost strong enough to hold it.

Does it show underwhere's picture by it? If so then he is truly the loser!

Luv2beSpanked WON!!!!

[Mischa]

Does it show underwhere's picture by it? If so then he is truly the loser!

Luv2beSpanked WON!!!!

Allow me to quote Seinfeld:

No spankings for you!!!!

I Win!

[babyleanna75]

I win

[Mischa]

You win?

LOL

no

I do

[freswith]

Now freswith, I know I purchased such a copy of the "Dictionary of the Arcturan Tree Frog Language", and I never got the three volumes on "Ribbit" you claim came with it, and i definitely never got the one with "obscene insults suitable to use on habitual losers". Therefore, I must have been given a defective dictionary. I either want my money back or a full replacement.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are not satisfied with our product. We make every effort to keep our customers happy. From our records we can see that you purchased your copy at a car trunk/boot sale in the criminal three-quarters of Watts. This was not an official agency of Lilypad Press, and it is possible the missing volumes were removed before the sale because of their highly -prized pornographic content. We can replace missing volumes, but in this case we regret we will have to make a nominal charge of £5,000 plus Value Added Tax plus carriage - a total of £9,875.99. If you would like to take advantage of this generous offer please would you send us a cheque, written in blood of course, made out to "Cash" to our London address. Delivery will take between three months and forever. No returns accepted.

We hope this is satisfactory to you and we look forward to your custom in the future.

Freswith, winner.

[luv2beSpanked]

Dear Freswith the loser,

This is a complaint letter due to a product bought at Lilypad Press! My copy of "Dictionary of the Arcturan Tree Frog Language" "Ribbit" and "Obscene insults suitable to use on habitual losers" did not include any reference to Underwhere being the all time loser with his picture for the world to see what a loser to the game "Last Post Wins" really looks like! I am dissatisfied with the product in which I bought from your main store. Also customer service was horrible to the point that the smell of dirty diapers filled the air! It seems that your employee needed a diaper change and you were no where around to help her! I offered to help and she snapped at me! Seems you run a very unhappy work place for your employees and it wasn't very sanitary! The Better Business Practice of Word Dictionaries has also received a copy of this complaint and I hope they throw the book at you!

Sincerely,

Luv2beSpanked

P.S. I would like my money refunded to my company "I WON Industries, 1st Place Winner Street, Champion, Ca 90210"

I always Win!

[Mischa]

Might be your company,

but you work for me

I own that company

[freswith]

Dear Freswith the loser,

This is a complaint letter due to a product bought at Lilypad Press!

Sincerely,

Luv2beSpanked

Thank you kindly for your letter of complaint which has been passed to me for resolution.

Please note that under British law it is forbidden to display pictures of underwhere in a public place in case it frightens the horses.

I understand that you have complained of the smell of excrement in our shop to our Miss Cridgely, spinster of this parish and our greatly respected shop manager for the past forty-three years. Miss Cridgely remembers you very well, and wishes to advise you that the Aspidistra has continued to flourish despite your copious vomiting into its pot. Alas, the same cannot be said for either Miss Cridgely or the shop. Miss Cridgely was so overwhelmed by the stench of your three-day old diaper that she had to be steam-cleaned, then rubbed down with wet-and-dry and repainted, and the shop was immediately closed down and torched by the health authorities who feared an outbreak of disease following your visit. Fortunately we were able to resume trading through our branch in Bond Street, where we now prominently display a sign saying "No Colonials".

We are left with the matter of compensation for damages suffered as a result of your visit. Since we have ascertained that your entire worldly net assets amount to only $7.23 we have arranged to recover our losses by harvesting your bodily organs for the transplant industry. Our surgical staff will be attending on you within the next few hours. I regret the process will be incredibly painful, since they are from our social health division and do not believe in using painkillers.

Wishing you a pleasant experience with any of our rivals,

Yours sincerely,

For and on behalf of the Lilypad Press

Sir Freswith Le Frog, Baronet, Papal Nuncio & winner.

[luv2beSpanked]

Dear Freswith the tadpole,

My lawyers have advised me to have your surgical staff enter into my company's lobby and to shoot on site for breaking and entering unlawfully for fear of my life! Thank you for sending them due to my security needing firing practice. Their organs will fetch a hefty price and will compensate for the lack of funds in your bank account that the court has seized. Seems that a first volume of your books are not worth a penny here across the pond. Sad that you are not the Author you claim to be, but are a fraud to the world! InterPol has been informed and has issued an arrest warrent on you! Dead or alive, justice will be served! Thank you for assisting is by burning your offices down which was planned for next week. You saved us the funding that helps me keep on winning!

The Winner and still champion,

Luv2beSpanked

[Mischa]

*ducks under the bullets and wins*

[babyleanna75]

Sir lee the only true winner in this forum all others are losers thus relinquish the right to win Ir any monies that the winner gets. Pay to the order of babyLee $10,000,000,000.00

[freswith]

Fortunately US injunctions do not travel well across the Atlantic, and as the Arcturan Ambassador to the Court of St James I enjoy diplomatic immunity anyway.

Thankfully a rare unsigned edition of my famous philosophical autobiography "Ecce Ranidus" (Behold the Frog) has just been auctioned at Sotheby's for 60,000 guineas, helped not least by the fact it was never published that side of the pond (something to do with the average word length being more than three letters - nobody would be able to read it.) so my popularity as an author is unimpeded, and I really don't need to win this silly game at all.

[babyleanna75]

I win

[underwhere]

60,000 guineas? And you call that a successful auction? Guinea pigs of the world would be insulted to be exchanged for frog philosophical autobiographies. As a result, they all collectively decide to storm the Court of St James, and diplomatic immunity or not, they torch the place to the ground. What a sorry court you have over there.

Then, amazingly, the guinea pigs all crown me winner!

[Mischa]

Hmm, I think im hungry for guineapork stew with fried frogs legs

[luv2beSpanked]

I really don't need to win this silly game at all.

See that underwhere! He gave up his right to win with that last statement! For now on all of Freswith's posts do not count as being in the game of "Last Post Wins!" He shall be known as a Quiter, not a loser! In this game a loser ranks higher than a Quiter and sadly nobody likes a Quiter!

Luv2beSpanked WON!!!

[babyleanna75]

I win

[luv2beSpanked]

Luv2beSpanked WON!!!

nuff said!

[underwhere]

See that underwhere! He gave up his right to win with that last statement! For now on all of Freswith's posts do not count as being in the game of "Last Post Wins!" He shall be known as a Quiter, not a loser! In this game a loser ranks higher than a Quiter and sadly nobody likes a Quiter!

Luv2beSpanked WON!!!

The problem with being a "quiter" is that nobody knows what that means. Does that mean "more quite"? Could one the be "quitest", "most quite"? Such nonsensical drivel.

Now, had he been a "quitter", that would have been a different story completely, and I am thoroughly convinced that he most definitely stole a lot of money, and has the ubiquitous poor customer service regarding this business venture of his regarding tree frog dictionaries. He also has shown himself to be nothing other than a spin doctor by selling counterfeit goods as the real genuine thing. He shall be cursed for all time, with at least three of his four legs being scorched for dinner tonight. Then, when he is served up on a platter for all to see and eat, his only saving grace will be that he has a taste which is far too bitter for any person or beast to swallow.

Now, as for this underwhere chap, he doesn't even like to eat frog legs, and he doesn't understand the fascination with it either, but he can definitely appreciate that there are people who like things in life he does not like, so if they wish to have frog legs, or frog, underwhere sees no problem with that. underwhere even considered eating one of those tree frog dictionaries, but he thought that eating a frog's words was not worth it. "Too bitter," he announced when he had been asked before.

As a result, underwhere understands that if he is going to win, he must do so alone, and so, underwhere whispers in a way that only a dog could hear, "underwhere wins."

[freswith]

"Ubiquitous" means "everywhere" (from the Latin "ubique"). It does not mean "Generally" or "Universally". It is also an adjective where and adverb should be used. It's use is purely geographical. Let's put that right shall we?

Quitter? Does that have anything to do with the annual quit-rent payment I make of four bullrushes for my lilypad in St James Park Lake?

Oh, and by the way, I'm winning!