Last Post Wins....

[underwhere]

Being viewer number 40,000 is worth nothing if you are not winning.

As for Wilfred, well, lets just say I am glad I am not freswith right about now.

However, I most definitely absolutely completely precisely audaciously must inform you that I am winning.

[Nualla]

It is worth everything, sucker. I will forever be viewer number 40,000 and I won a car for it!

[underwhere]

Pity that the car you won is in need of an engine, 4 tires, paint, a body, a gas tank, a battery, electrical wires, windows, seats, a floor, and a driver. That is some new car you have there. How much did you pay for it?

I paid nothing for the win.

[freswith]

Wasn't worth much anyway, was it?

[underwhere]

Is "Order of Purity and Truth - Third Class" like "Angel Second Class", the title bestowed on Clarence in the movie "It's a Wonderful Life"?

I also know that being green does not matter to you even as I also know that "Its not easy being green."

Clearly, you are not winning as you had supposed that you were, so for what its worth, freswith is losing, and underwhere is winning.

[Rani]

Clarence was a crossed eyed lion. Your vision is clearly blurred because you aren't winning!

[underwhere]

Well, you are correct about my vision being blurred. That is why I am waiting on new glasses. Nonetheless, I am winning. You can sit down and pretend that you are winning now, Rani. Besides, since you have now offended Clarence, he won't do anything to try to alter your good-for-nothing life.

[jonoz]

[underwhere]

You can win the yes all you want, jonoz. I win the win.

[freswith]

Alas, underwhere has now lost the win and won the loss.

[underwhere]

You just go right ahead and with the "of course". I already indicated I was not interested in that, so I will leave the "of course" to you, sir frog. I, however. will win the win.

[Rani]

[underwhere]

I splash water on Rani and wonder if she will melt. Whether she does or not, in the hysteria which ensues, I take the trophy, and casually walk into a wall, fall over and knock myself out. However, the trophy lands underneath me, and I am easily awakened, and when I am awakened, I bite. Just want to give you all fair warning.

And, oh yeah, not only am I dreaming of winning, I am in fact winning.

[freswith]

I awaken the notorious trophy-snatcher underwhere

[Rani]

I like shiny things so the trophy is MINE! Nuff said

[underwhere]

From the 13th floor of the St Freswith Home for the Irretrievably Demented, I send out a telegram to Rani which hypnotizes her with its words, and instructs her to come rescue me from this hideous room. When she arrives and opens my door, which I never bothered to check if it was locked or not, I pull her into the room, walk out of the room, and close the door behind me, making my escape.

Down 13 flights of stairs, I get to the bottom with my escape vehicle waiting for me. I did not ask for a Maserati to pick me up, but I am delighted that the chauffeur has good taste in cars. As we speed off in search of the trophy once again, I know in my heart of hearts I am winning, and that is all that matters to me, trophy or not.

[freswith]

Constable Freswith* stops the Maserati and arrests underwhere for speeding, kidnapping, false imprisonment, indecent assault, car theft and conspiracy to burgle.

[Baby_Steffi]

*jumps in, runs around in circles, then leaves again*

[astrodiaper]

Precious? Ooooooh shiny! MINE! Oh, and uh, I win.....again.

[underwhere]

Funny how the scuba gear was not noticed when underwhere was arrested. As a result, underwhere prepares himself for the impending flooding of the cell. Noting the presence of an axe which underwhere presumes must have been used against the previous inmate, underwhere picks it up and begins wielding it against the walls of the cell. Successful at putting a sizable hole in the wall, the water gushes in, and underwhere, still attached to his scuba hear, swims safely out of St Freswith Home for the Irretrievably Demented. Rising to the surface slowly so as not to wind up getting the bends, underwhere swims to a remote island, climbs up a very tall stone monument which happens to have been secured to the bottom of the sea by its clever creators, and watches at a distance as St Freswith Home for the Irretrievably Demented is seen going on a trip to Davey Jones' Locker, never to be seen again.

underwhere wonders about the fate of Rani, and prays that she made it out alive. Being as freswith is a frog, underwhere has no doubt that freswith knows how to swim and get out of such a wet situation. However, it is now indubitably clear that underwhere is winning even as astrodiaper claims, falsely, to be winning instead.

[freswith]

I don't wish to know where underwhere hid the compressed air tanks, but the desk sergeant said the he has walking funny.

[underwhere]

There are two problems with what you wrote, sir frog. Well, three actually.

First, underwhere is a most excellent swimmer and, like Dr Doolittle, underwhere can communicate with the animals. As such, with his superior diplomatic skills, he is able to quite easily convince the Cornish sharks that he understands them more than Constable freswith does, and invites the sharks (and they accept the invitation) to do all that is within their power to topple freswith's notorious empire of destruction and enslavement.

Second, the Cornish wreckers are found to be decoys, immobile as Cornish granite (without the use of appropriate weaponry, anyway).

Third and last, but not least, Constable freswith has been caught green-handed pursuing his investigation without any desire to discover the merits of the case, and as such, Constable freswith can, at best, determine whatever he wishes to determine. Notwithstanding the wide latitude this gives Constable freswith, the organizations of MI5, MI6, the CIA, the FBI, and the KGB all determine that Mount Freswith, previously mentioned to be a collapsible structure in which underwhere was booby trapped to stand on top of to claim the win some time back, was really the hidden ground of a nuclear plot by the frog species to blow up the world and wipe out all of humanity. Of course, everybody knows that frogs would survive the nuclear holocaust, even if they do all lose at least one leg and half their tongues' in the process.

These organizations, taking their combined gripes and experience with freswith to the United Nations, petition the United Nations to permanently and forever strike the name freswith from possible candidates to win the "Last Post Wins" game. And for the only time in United Nations history, there was unanimous consensus on the matter and the motion passed.

underwhere then proposed that, because of all of the trouble that a demented stupid frog had put him through, underwhere should unequivocally be declared the winner of the "Last Post Wins" game. Surprisingly enough, this led to the second unanimous consensus ever to occur at the United Nations.

And so underwhere was declared the final winner of the "Last Post Wins" game in its entirety.

[freswith]

Poor underwhere.

[Rani]

While those two are busy playing I take the giant trophy, turn it upside down and place it over my head like a divers helmet and escape through the plug hole.

Victory is mine

[Baby_Steffi]

Wait someone said SHINY. Therefore it is mine! All mine!