Waiting

[padded_husky]

I recently had a conversation with someone on the topic of dateing...ect. it was a verry short conversation but it made me ponder. Is it really that unrealistic to save yourself that one person?

I habe never been on a date or in a relationship. I am still w vergim and I am onow ok with that. i no longer hat myself foe my sexuality or my kinks and look foward to meeting someone one day, but I gues I'm a bit old fasion. Is it unrealistic for me to want to save myself for one person? I am a submisive person amd a bottom at heart but when I run tjrougj it in my head o imagin there person I spemd my whole life with being the only one I habe ever beeneith. Is it in real to want tjat. Is it unrealistic to want your parnter to know they habe you completly. That its all there's? I gues when I imsgin it its more emotional and less physical. Is that odd to feel that way. that the emotional feeling is more rewarding then the physical? I lnow sex is s big deal in s lomg lastomg relationship but u can still tslk about it so u know if your compatible right?

[KittenAB]

"Our species has survived for two reasons, the ability eat and fuck." - Penn G.

No, it is unrealistic to think that everyone can "wait" for that someone special, our species (human) has been able to survive because we have high sex drives for the majority of people. While there are some of us with no sex drives, and a few more with low sex drives, the fact is high sex drive is actually normal. I could go into more of what you said, but the rest would all be strictly my opinion.

[Backindiapers]

I recently had a conversation with someone on the topic of dateing...ect. it was a verry short conversation but it made me ponder. Is it really that unrealistic to save yourself that one person?

I habe never been on a date or in a relationship. I am still w vergim and I am onow ok with that. i no longer hat myself foe my sexuality or my kinks and look foward to meeting someone one day, but I gues I'm a bit old fasion. Is it unrealistic for me to want to save myself for one person? I am a submisive person amd a bottom at heart but when I run tjrougj it in my head o imagin there person I spemd my whole life with being the only one I habe ever beeneith. Is it in real to want tjat. Is it unrealistic to want your parnter to know they habe you completly. That its all there's? I gues when I imsgin it its more emotional and less physical. Is that odd to feel that way. that the emotional feeling is more rewarding then the physical? I lnow sex is s big deal in s lomg lastomg relationship but u can still tslk about it so u know if your compatible right?

Not making fun, ok maybe a little BUT I'm guessing you were drunk and/or stoned when you wrote this. I know you can probably spell correctly and use proper grammar but you missed so many letters being next to other letters. Dude! Reread just a bit before sending it. The only reason I mention it, is because it was kind of a hard read. But on the actual message of the thread I have no real opinion. Sorry if this seemed kinda douchey.

[AbriForm]

Best advice I can give is to drop all the "submissive" and "diapers" and anything else kinky you're looking for.

Find someone out in the real world that you like, and keep the bedroom antics out until you're ready to go to the bedroom with that person.

It sounds like you're selling yourself short by expecting your partner to tell you that they're dominant and okay with diapers. Unless you're limiting yourself to FetLife and DD for hookups, and you may be, you're not going to have much luck.

Find someone you're compatible with, and with its time for sex, then and only then do you tell them (gently!) how kinky you are.

[KittenAB]

Best advice I can give is to drop all the "submissive" and "diapers" and anything else kinky you're looking for.

Find someone out in the real world that you like, and keep the bedroom antics out until you're ready to go to the bedroom with that person.

It sounds like you're selling yourself short by expecting your partner to tell you that they're dominant and okay with diapers. Unless you're limiting yourself to FetLife and DD for hookups, and you may be, you're not going to have much luck.

Find someone you're compatible with, and with its time for sex, then and only then do you tell them (gently!) how kinky you are.

That can be dangerous, many people keep too many secrets when meeting other people that if they do become attached to each other in some way it almost always winds up putting excessive stress on it. Be friends first, share all your secrets, if "love" happens after that then there's a real connection. If you get into a relationship and suddenly they want to "take it to the next level" ... something like that could hurt you in ways you can't imagine, even possibly get you hurt physically. Why take that chance? Better to be alone for the rest of your life than get killed because you wanted someone.

[Bettypooh]

Do what you feel is right as far as actions but once you really believe that you've found the right person and it's reciprocal, you owe it to them to uncover your known kinks and issues before it goes any further Yep, it's not easy but it's honest and caring and by then you will care My own loss of virginity was almost traumatic and not the experience I'd hoped for and imagined Part of that was because of my being TG but not understanding it at the time. I'm 'gay questioning' if I have to label myself- I know my heart has gone a-flutter over two guys who didn't want me and that's only happened once with a girl (my last and only LTR). Sex isn't a big thing in my life- TBH I think it's over-rated even after having some very pleasant experiences So as I see it, if you want to wait then do that and don't worry what others may think. The most important thing in life is that you be true to yourself and follow your heart; only after that can you be true to others and make their heart happy too And life should be happy!

I wish I had learned that lesson a lot earlier

Bettypooh

[AbriForm]

That can be dangerous, many people keep too many secrets when meeting other people that if they do become attached to each other in some way it almost always winds up putting excessive stress on it. Be friends first, share all your secrets, if "love" happens after that then there's a real connection. If you get into a relationship and suddenly they want to "take it to the next level" ... something like that could hurt you in ways you can't imagine, even possibly get you hurt physically. Why take that chance? Better to be alone for the rest of your life than get killed because you wanted someone.

I'm not advocating keeping secrets. When introducing someone you shouldn't immediately dump all your baggage on the table and say "Look! I'm this much screwed up."

A lot of relationships never enter the bedroom. Until you're sure things are headed that direction, you don't need to tell someone you're an ABDL. I've learned that the hard way, and telling someone too early will scare them off. It's not keeping a secret, it's being tactful about a sensitive issue. Having deep emotional connections does soften the blow, especially if someone is rejecting of ABDL as an activity.

Sadly, a lot of people just have an utter disdain for looking at a grown man/woman in a diaper (and don't get me starting on the shock when they hear you wet and mess it), but still accept their loved one and will put up with the behavior as part of the whole relationship. Those emotional connections count in that scale of life.

As to "suddenly wanting to take it to the next level", if someone wants to do that, they do so at their own peril... on both sides of the equation. I'd rather wait, and do things right... and have a long lasting relationship with someone who accepts that I'm an ABDL.

Does that mean ABDLs can't have one night stands? No, but people having one night stands need to know (ABDL or not) that they're not going to have the full picture about someone.

P.S. I've never heard of anyone resorting to physical violence when finding out that their partner is an ABDL. There have been some with that reaction to transsexuals... for obvious reasons, but I think fear of death is the last thing the OP needs to worry about... he's feeling a bit down about this issue, and that scenario just isn't going to happen in the real world.

[KittenAB]

I'm not advocating keeping secrets. When introducing someone you shouldn't immediately dump all your baggage on the table and say "Look! I'm this much screwed up."

A lot of relationships never enter the bedroom. Until you're sure things are headed that direction, you don't need to tell someone you're an ABDL. I've learned that the hard way, and telling someone too early will scare them off. It's not keeping a secret, it's being tactful about a sensitive issue. Having deep emotional connections does soften the blow, especially if someone is rejecting of ABDL as an activity.

Sadly, a lot of people just have an utter disdain for looking at a grown man/woman in a diaper (and don't get me starting on the shock when they hear you wet and mess it), but still accept their loved one and will put up with the behavior as part of the whole relationship. Those emotional connections count in that scale of life.

As to "suddenly wanting to take it to the next level", if someone wants to do that, they do so at their own peril... on both sides of the equation. I'd rather wait, and do things right... and have a long lasting relationship with someone who accepts that I'm an ABDL.

Does that mean ABDLs can't have one night stands? No, but people having one night stands need to know (ABDL or not) that they're not going to have the full picture about someone.

P.S. I've never heard of anyone resorting to physical violence when finding out that their partner is an ABDL. There have been some with that reaction to transsexuals... for obvious reasons, but I think fear of death is the last thing the OP needs to worry about... he's feeling a bit down about this issue, and that scenario just isn't going to happen in the real world.

By saying "for obvious reasons" really demonstrates that you have been sheltered in many areas, not saying this to be rude because most people are only aware of the cultures and lifestyles they are a part of. The reaction toward transgendered or any other variation of that culture is usually not justified in any way, most such cases it's the person who gets mad that pushed it in the first place and tries to justify their actions by blaming the other person, not that there have been no times the emotions they felt were justified but no violence toward another person for being themselves can be justified unless it actually threatens your life. But that aside, many alternative lifestyles have cases of violence when they are "outed" even when not in a relationship. The psychological reasons are varied though, ranging from being in the closet themselves to just plain beast mentality. Also, you can NEVER say that any scenario will never happen, especially in the real world. Living beings are as predictable as an asteroid field, being open and honest with everyone you hang out allows you to make better predictions of how they will react to any given situation, thus minimizing the chances of you becoming friends with a violent or prejudiced nutcase.

If a relationship is so important to someone that they are willing to mask who and what they are just to get closer, then there is something wrong with that person as well. Unless you are happy alone, you can never be happy with other people, it's that simple.

[AbriForm]

Ahem, let's not start prejudging each other. As such, I won't dignify those (straw man) accusations of a sheltered lifestyle by sharing my experiences. It would also be derailing the subject of this thread to argue that point further. We've each shared our opinions on it.

As to the rest, clearly we're beating around the bush on one point, when you should tell someone. So, I'll ask you, when do you define it to be appropriate to share with someone that you're an ABDL. First date? Second date? Yeah, I didn't think so. It lies somewhere in-between, and my opinion is that in-between should be after a meaningful emotional and psychological connection has been made with the other person.

My position is clear: People shouldn't cut their pool of people they're looking to go out with purely based on sex. There are gazillions of vanilla people out there, that once you get to know them, would be happy to entertain the ABDL lifestyle. However, those same vanilla people, on average, aren't aware of ABDL, and making that an introductory quality of who you are just isn't going to fly with most of them. It's going to come across as odd, and creepy.

My bottom line: Get to know someone enough before you share with them that you're an ABDL, submissive, kinky, etc. You'll have many more people to chose from and find that special someone.

[KittenAB]

Ahem, let's not start prejudging each other. As such, I won't dignify those (straw man) accusations of a sheltered lifestyle by sharing my experiences. It would also be derailing the subject of this thread to argue that point further. We've each shared our opinions on it.

As to the rest, clearly we're beating around the bush on one point, when you should tell someone. So, I'll ask you, when do you define it to be appropriate to share with someone that you're an ABDL. First date? Second date? Yeah, I didn't think so. It lies somewhere in-between, and my opinion is that in-between should be after a meaningful emotional and psychological connection has been made with the other person.

My position is clear: People shouldn't cut their pool of people they're looking to go out with purely based on sex. There are gazillions of vanilla people out there, that once you get to know them, would be happy to entertain the ABDL lifestyle. However, those same vanilla people, on average, aren't aware of ABDL, and making that an introductory quality of who you are just isn't going to fly with most of them. It's going to come across as odd, and creepy.

My bottom line: Get to know someone enough before you share with them that you're an ABDL, submissive, kinky, etc. You'll have many more people to chose from and find that special someone.

o.O If you're at the point of "dating" someone, they should already know all about you, period.

[AbriForm]

As the old folks I know chuckle "what is a date these days?"

So, you're telling me that if I have an online dating profile, and someone goes out with me, that I should have told them already that I'm an ABDL.

Wow. Just wow. I've already lost a couple of dates by telling them on the second date, and learned my lesson there. In the kink community up here we've had psychologists speak a few times, and they concur with my opinion, a first few face-to-face interactions is simply too soon to dive into the fetish world, unless you expect to have sex in the first couple of dates.

And, if you do plan to have sex on the third or fourth date, maybe you should tell them before then that you're an ABDL... which is exactly in-line with what I've said all along. I'm old fashioned and don't even kiss on the first date.

[KittenAB]

As the old folks I know chuckle "what is a date these days?"

So, you're telling me that if I have an online dating profile, and someone goes out with me, that I should have told them already that I'm an ABDL.

Wow. Just wow. I've already lost a couple of dates by telling them on the second date, and learned my lesson there. In the kink community up here we've had psychologists speak a few times, and they concur with my opinion, a first few face-to-face interactions is simply too soon to dive into the fetish world, unless you expect to have sex in the first couple of dates.

And, if you do plan to have sex on the third or fourth date, maybe you should tell them before then that you're an ABDL... which is exactly in-line with what I've said all along. I'm old fashioned and don't even kiss on the first date.

Seriously? You really think you can "date" online?

You don't get it, secrets are what ruins every relationship, and if you are not happy being alone, you will NEVER be happy with anyone else, period.

The only important thing in life is honesty and honor, everything else is just a reward for those. If you can't be honest with your friends, then you don't deserve them, and if they are not honest with you, they don't deserve you either. When you get into "hooking up" because you think sex is actually important, they should already be a friend, if not then it's just a hooker.

[AbriForm]

That last post made no sense at all to me, sorry, so let's try to clear this up.

Online dating has nothing to do with "dating online." I think you realized the harsh conditions you gave to the OP fell apart in the example I gave.

One in five couples now meet on an online dating web site, so clearly online dating does work. You find someone you think your compatible with, and then you start dating in the real world. If you haven't tried it yet, and it sounds like you haven't, I seriously encourage that you do.

And I don't want to drop my example, so I'll pick up with it again. You probably shouldn't have in your online dating profile that you're an ABDL... the simple fact of the matter is it will scare lots of people off for no good reason, who would otherwise probably accept someone they get to know as an ABDL. And on the first few dates with a person in the real world, it makes no sense then to tell them you're an ABDL... you still don't really have any firm emotional connections.

It sounds like KittenAB's description of dating implies that you have to have spent months getting to know someone before you date them. I'm sorry, but today that's not how the world works in most cases. If you do know someone for months before you date them, it's often in a setting like the working world, where you wouldn't want to share with your co-workers that you're an ABDL.

I'll now wait for KittenAB to make the case that we're all wrong for not sharing with our office-mates that we aren't ABDLs... because, in KittenAB's world, secrets kill.