Real Children

[Nat]

I feel nervous around them because it feels like they are my peers but that depends on the age of them. I also feel clueless and I do treat them the same way as I treat everyone else but I have more patience with them. I don't expect them to be mini adults. I have two nephews and a niece and it's great I have my brother in law there when they come over and my husband knows how to raise kids because he helped raised two of them when they were little. I just don't want to make the wrong choices like I let them play a game and it's found to be inappropriate by their parents. I leave it up to my brother in law to decided what is appropriate for them because I don't want any trouble. I share my games with them and movies and TV when they come over which is rare. They live way on the other side of the area is why and they don't have a car. Their grandparents do but not their adult kids and even they can't afford to come here a lot. They give their parents money for gas when they drive them.

[Nat]

Gee, it's really funny that a punishment method that was STANDARD for HUNDREDS of years is suddenly considered "abuse".

As Yvhuce said, "time out" or taking things (toys, games, meals, etc) away from the kids DO NOT WORK to stop bad behaviors.

The ONLY PROVEN method throughout all of recorded history has been CORPORAL PUNISHMENT (meaning spanking).

I will say it again, SPANKING to correct or prevent bad behaviors IS NOT ABUSE. Abuse is when an adult beats the total sh!t out of a child because the adult doesn't know when to stop.

I had all that stuff, sent to my room, time outs, things being taken from me and that all worked. I hated being punished. You just have to take things away your kid really enjoys. My mom stopped spanking me a lot when I got to six years old. She only did it when I be very very very bad. Last time I was spanked was 14 years ago shortly before my 10th birthday.

I heard sending your kids to their room these days isn't a punishment because they have TVs in ther rooms, computers, stereo and they have entertainment in their bedroom. I would just take the controllers and the computer cord, the laptop, all the CD's, the TV and leave the bedroom but it be a nusiance to take all that out of my kid's room everyone I send him or her to their room.

But with spanking, it taught me to hit so I was always hitting other kids and my brothers (except in school) because I was tuaght when you get mad, you hit. When people don't listen to you, you hit. I was even taking toys away from my brothers too as a punishment and treating them like my own kids. Then I was ten when I learned I was not supposed to be doing all that and only parents can do it, not kids. My brothers started to stick up for themselves so they stopped listening to me and stuff.

[Nat]

There is an arguement going on about spankings. With my mom, she give us warnings before she do it. There were times when she just hit us but that was when she lose her temper because she was also hit as a child growing up by her dad. He was also hit too as a little boy so he learned when someone makes you mad, you hit them. So my mom had to work on that because she hated doing it and she said it was hard to change that. I have memories of minding my own business and all of a sudden mom come in the room and start spanking me. Then after a while I learned when she has her lips curling in, it means she is about to spank me, so I'd run or get scared thinking she was going to do it. But her hitting me sure taught me to no do X again. She always told me why she was spanking me. I don't think spanking did any effects on me except it taught me to hit when you're mad or if kids don't do as you say and it did teach me to not do X again or you get a spanking. I always did what was on my mind and was never afraid of getting into trouble and fore I know it, my mom be screaming and I realize I was in trouble and lie about it but she always knew I was lying. I knew one person online who panicked as a kid because his mom punish him and stuff but with me I didn't panic.

I think spankings are okay. But spanking them every time they do something you don't like or say things you don't like, etc. that can leave them in panic and make them act like zombies because they be so afraid to do anything. So when you give them a warning, that tells them to stop or else they will get a spanking. They don't have to be afraid of getting hit because they be given a warning first and that tells them they better stop or else. My husband agrees to that also.

My mom believes by the time the kid gets to kindergarten, they are too old to be spanked because they understand the word "no" and the rules after being told them. That's why I was spanked less when I got to six years old. She taught me to follow rules at a young age. Even when I was two we leave places when I misbehave such as pushing kids out of my way. She would tell me "Don't push" and we leave if I kept on doing it. That taught me to stop pushing kids or it makes us leave sooner. I remember doing it one time when I thought I could get away with it because my mom was nowhere in sight. So I pushed this girl off the fake ship in the play area because she wouldn't move and I have waited and she wouldn't move. Then my mom came out of nowhere telling me "you don't push" and telling me to come down the stern wheel and I slid down and we left. That just shows that even kids young as two try and get away with breaking rules. When their mom or dad are not in sight or grown up, they break the rules. My brothers weren't even born yet and I was still in diapers so that's how I know I was two then. I could have been three but I was around there. I was still being pushed in a stroller.

[wetvinyl]

Ok-- away from this discussion about discipline, and back to the OT:

I'm childfree, and I'm actively glad about it. Kids are random free-spirit uninhibited little dervishes of unpredictable and insane behavior... and while I miss those qualities in my own adult personality, it would drive me insane to manage/restrain/tolerate those behaviors in a child of my own.

(Now let me pre-empt at this point with the inevitable "cool story bro" or "tl;dr". Okey-dokie that's out of the way... now, back to my post):

There has never been any question in my mind that I did NOT want to breed. Kids are cute and funny (and sometimes even refreshing and invigorating in their unfiltered honesty) in limited doses... but in a 24/7/365 scenario, I'm afraid I would lose my mind. I had a strict disciplinarian upbringing with physical and psychological abuse, and there was NO WAY I could take a chance on acting out ANY of my mal-normed behaviors-- dumping my deep-seated impatience and need for control and order-- onto an innocent child of my own. Even if I knew that it was wrong, I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to adjust and NOT expose my child to that damage. And NO child deserves what I went through.

So, I had a vasectomy two years after I started having sex. I do not regret the decision at all.

I applaud good parents-- those who praise their kids and encourage them to thrive... but who will also let them lose and/or fall down and get hurt, without thinking the kid will be irreparably traumatized. I think abusive parents (and child molesters) deserve a special circle in hell. And I won't even get into the psychological trainwrecks of "clown-car" moms.

(Am I an avowed non-parent casting judgment on actual parents? Why, yes I am. I've seen lots of parents that should have NEVER had kids-- should have just had their tubes tied off, and gotten a dog instead.)

Anyway-- I simply do not feel up to the major responsibility of raising a child. I've made sure I won't be having any. Done.

\that probably explains why I'm not AB

\\and yes, slashies-- I'm a Farker

wv

[lilJester]

Spanking a child to prevent bad behavior is NOT child abuse! Beating the living sh!t out of a child IS child abuse. There is a MAJOR F***ING DIFFERENCE!

The whole "political correctness" stuff is ABSOLUTE PURE CRAP!

i have to fully agree with this post here. spanking a child or telling them they are wrong is not an incorrect thing. if the child is out of line im a full believer of discipline. as far as do i avoid children? no. not unless theyre bratty ones causing a scene and being obnoxious. I have friends with kids that behave and theyre great kids. now as far as the lifestyle is concerned the ab/dl and kids yeah two seperate things that should never be mixed in my opinion. I dont believe in talking down to them i treat them like anyone else except of course i curb my tongue and wont swear or make any adult jokes where they could hear and act like little parrots repeating it.