The Vending Machine Game

[Juliabam]

machine returns a fart that almost blew Freswiths head off...

Inserts screw that fell off Freswiths head...

[freswith]

Receives a tune-up kit for Julia's wheelchair which includes having her bored and stroked, fitted with a cross-flow head, a close-ratio box and finally some innies and outies. She's now a fast woman.

Insert speedcam photo of Julia doing 100mph in her wheelchair.

[Frogboy]

Recieves 12 penalty points, a six month ban and heavily inflated insurance premiums.

Inserts crummy no win, no fee lawyer who defended Julia in court

[Juliabam]

and you recieve a sentence of 12 to 16 years in prison for something you didn't do... (See I told you.. You should have stomped Freswith while you had the chance, now you never get to do it because he may have died from natural causes before you're set free)

Inserts tic tac toe game for frogboy to play with while in the prison

[freswith]

Machine issues file with a cake concealed inside it.

Inserts set of bagpipes.

[Juliabam]

machine gives Freswith a blowjob

inserts mint

[freswith]

Machine issues sage, thyme, parsley & marjoram.

Insert bowl of petunias

[Bettypooh]

Gets a Black-Eyed Susan (and arrested for hitting her )

Inserts 128 pages of documents related to the case

[Juliabam]

Machine roars and rumbles and bursts out millions of pieces of confetti before it yells, "Case dismissed"

inserts picture of Freswith teaching Frogboy to ride a bike

[freswith]

Machine issues picture of Gordon Brown wearing a nappy and riding a rocking horse. Picture on Back says "Property of P. Mandelson: Pension Fund"

Insert expenses claim for second home in St Tropez.

[Bettypooh]

Gets a front row seat at the SC USA Governor's Impeachment trial

Inserts 1 used (cheating lying dishonest philandering stealing) SC Governor

[DL_DB]

Returns a compact with the devil.

Insert a quill pen loaded with virgin's blood.

[Juliabam]

Returns a compact with the devil.

Insert a quill pen loaded with virgin's blood.

Returns 1 used but now very excited (cheating lying dishonest philandering stealing) SC Governor

Inserts Freswith and a fly and presses the teleport now button

[freswith]

Freswith gets a free holiday back on Arcturus III complete with Christmas Dinner.

Inserts 5-gallon drum of whitewash stolen from the Iraq War Enquiry.

[DL_DB]

Returns a Tom Sawyer novel.

Insert a battered copy of The Tao Of Pooh.

[Juliabam]

Machine returns a hundred year old worn out teddy bear that farts everytime you turn it upside down

inserts a lacepanty and a do it yourself imagination kit

[freswith]

Back comes a pair of Soviet T95 Women's Drawers, Armoured, Our Glorious Women Marines for the use of, and a copy of Lenin's Manual on Chastity in The Service of The Soviet State.

Insert a tin-opener

[Juliabam]

machine initiates spam sequence and overflows freswiths mailbox with offers on cheap viagra, penis enlargement herbal kits, breast enlarging pumps, and offers on 25 different creditcards all valid in usa only, and just for a limited period.

inserts butcher knife and watermelon

[freswith]

Machine throws out butcher with a knife in his back, followed by a stream of high-velocity watermelon seeds.

Insert Miss Marple.

[Juliabam]

machine sends angry old lady chasing freswith down the street!

insert black dress, high heels, and an invitation to freswiths 70 years birthday party

[freswith]

Machine issues Tuxedo, bow tie, and invitation to Julia's fiftieth birthday party - next week.

Insert brass-bound uncle frightener in 3ft lengths.

[Juliabam]

Machine hugs freswith and says, there there, you shouldnt be THAT frightened it was only a joke

inserts a pamphlet from Weight Watchers with instructions on keeping a size 38

Machine issues Tuxedo, bow tie, and invitation to Julia's fiftieth birthday party - next week.

You know, the internet allways adds 10 years to a girls age, so I am infact only 20...

[freswith]

Machine grunts, growls and issues note saying it is not obese, merely healthy, and will not be giving up it's beloved 10w 30 engine oil or its 415v 50Hz AC

Insert 5 litres of 10w 30 and a new filter.

(Actually I'm only 20, but with forty years of experience.)

[Juliabam]

machine squirts oil all over freswith, and gives him an application form for standins at the grease musical!

inserts instruction manual on how to avoid future mistakes that can have ill effects on other persons, hoping machine will take back the application form that it gave to freswith!

[freswith]

Machine emits stream of radioactive particles and postcard of Three Mile Island.

Insert application form correctly filled in with my real name: Caractacus Bracegirdle IV. (That's a direct translation of the Arcturan)