The Vending Machine Game

[Juliabam]

machine returns membership to the soft food dining club

inserts spork

[freswith]

Machine bursts with terrible farting noise and flies off around the room

Inserts punctures repair kit.

[Juliabam]

machine patches up and returns super hackerproof and with new internetexplorer installed

Inserts Windows7 dvd and a questionmark

[freswith]

Machine installs Windows 7 and promises to be more rational, offer better performance and less inclined to crash.

Machine morphs into Lancia Stratos, roars away in a cloud of burnt rubber, spins, crashes and comes last.

Insert insurance claim form

[Juliabam]

Machine returns no coverage due to self inflicted damage

Inserts telephone and a roar

[freswith]

Machine returns telephone, unlocked, recharged and programmed with the numbers of your favourite drug dealers.

Insert bong

[Juliabam]

machine returns the brass bell from an old church where the bong sound came from.

Inserts big bang

[freswith]

Machine emits Professor Stephen Hawking complete with a plethora of mathematical formulae.

Inssert half-read (and quarter-understood) copy of "A Brief History of Time")

[Juliabam]

machine returns a brief understandable story some time.

Inserts freswiths longer toe from his left forefoot

[freswith]

Freswith receives sensual finger massage.

Inserts rest of foot.

[Juliabam]

Machine serves a burger with suspiciously looking green meat!

Inserts 2 feet of well aged oak and a carving knife

[freswith]

Machine returns quite small totem pole carved with Julia's image with wings coming out of her ears.

Inserts tomahawk.

[Juliabam]

Machine aims for a split and points tomahawk at freswith and shoots it out with 120 Freswith feet/hour, freswith ducks, tomahawk hits tree, tree falls over and freswith is now 5 microfreswithfoot lower from the impact with the treetrunk

inserts freswithfoot to foot convertion table

[freswith]

Machine coughs, rattles, and declares itself to be irrevocably metric

(At 1:1 I hardly need worry about a tomahawk being thrown at 120 feet per minute as it is only 2 feet per second. Time to have a cup of tea, and then dodge.)

Insert string of French Onions and a baguette.

[daddybrian]

Gets loaf of French onion baguette bread and tub of butter. Inserts cook-book of bread recipes

[freswith]

Gets a perfect bread-and-butter pudding - in the face.

Inserts bill for renovation and restoration of valuable early mediaeval beard..

[Juliabam]

machine returns laughter

inserts photo of freswith with his "broken" beard

[freswith]

Machine issues small pot of "Dr Snoddy's Patent Beard Restorer" and leaflet of testimoinals, one of which is from Juliabam saying how much her beard had been improved after using this product.

Insert bottle of Snake Oil.

[Bettypooh]

Gets 3m long lubricated Cobra who keeps repeating "Rikki Tikki Tavi"

Inserts 45RPM record of "Ribbiting Fairy Tales" by someone named "Freswith"

[freswith]

Receives "Collected works of Rudyard Kipling"

Inserts ten-rupee jezail

I hope you are enjoying "Kim"!

[daddybrian]

Receives bank note saying jezail is not worth anything. Inserts request for police investigation

[Bettypooh]

Gets 'grilled' by Inspector Lestrade and Dr. Watson who angrily claims it was that jezail which caused his limp and you might have done it

Inserts an old copy of a Christmas edition of "Harpers Bazaar"

[freswith]

Gets back a wild reindeer who promptly craps on the carpet, and a deerstalker hat

Inserts a mince pie and a glass of sherry.

[Juliabam]

machine burps and throws up because the pie wasn't properly cooked

inserts cocacola for the stomach

[lilJester]

Gets a bottle of Root Beer

*inserts bottle cap from root beer*

Bettypooh

apparently someone watched the CKY movie bam and brandon did hahahaha.

okay you inserted cocacola you get peptobismal

inserts cookie dough