Looking For Advice

[Lost Soul]

Well heres my issue thats makeing me confused. I like the whole AB/DL life stlye but part of me likes it and the other part hates it and is ashamed of it. I mean I dont really know how I can be a man if I want to wear diapers or be treated like a baby or even beening spanked after all none of witch is any thing manly (just my personly feelings towrds myself). I just dont understand my self I mean I have just recintly come to turms that I am a AB/DL but the other part of me is desusted about it b/c lets just say that outher part of me is the bad ass dark side like the mucho side if you will. And how can I be that way if I'm in diapers o.O. Even more so what if a girl I'm with finds out I would be completly ashamed and stuff. I mean this other side I also consider like a knight to who ever I'm with you know to protect them and if I'm a knight how could I protect any one if I'm in diapers ...it just dosnt mix but at the same time I really enjoy being a AB/DL. I guess what I'm asking is how can I balance the two sides out?.

Thanks for any advice any of you might have.

[guitar_a_goo_goo_ga]

i have the same love/hate relationship with diapers too. i hate them because, like you said, i am a big tough alpha male yet at home i jus wanna sunggle up in a big cwinky dee dee.

if i had a choice in fetishes diapers would have not been chosen.

[FretaBWet]

Lost Soul, Maybe you're just a little confused. It doesn't have anything to do with intelligence, we all lose our way every now and again. Have you considered that maybe the dark macho side of you is not the real you, but a fantasy you've built up because you think that's what everyone expects you to be. Society burdens both men and women with unrealistic expectations of what each of us is SUPPOSED to be. Ask any woman about what the ideal figure/weight is supposed to be. It's certainly not the average woman and not realistically attainable for the average woman. Does that make the average woman substandard? Not in reality yet a lot of women fall prey to this brainwashing by society and the media. It's no different for men. This isn't the dark ages. There are no knights. You are no less a man because you accept your desire to indulge your needs (when they don't hurt anyone else) than John Wayne was. The case could be made that someone who lives a lie that they are macho is much weaker than someone who follows their true path without guilt, remorse or apology. When you finally figure this out you might think of changing your nick to "Found Soul". Good luck.

Hugs,

Michelle

[Lost Soul]

althought compltly giveing in to ones AB/DL side is the way for some. I know its not for me I may not know what path is mine but I cant just give in to one side or the other. I need eqilibrum fate a destiny are messed up that way. I cant just let go of one side b/c I need both. And I might like to be taken care of and protected but I dont want to need it. I think for me being a AB/DL is more of a coping mechinisum then any thing else. Its a way to just not have to think or worry about any thing and just relaxe and stuff like that. Oh and what I mean by "knight" is not a son of a noble who fights for his king rather some one whos strong that never gives up never gives in never subits to the will of any one else any one else. Some one who fights for those they care about no matter what the cost and what they belive in. And finally some one who still knows the meaning of honer, morals, ethics, and will fight for them.

Agine thanks for the advice and any thing any one might add.

And Abrera I think you might be right with splitting the attributes in all but then the qastion becomes how dose one do that?

[JDL23]

The issue you've raised, Lost Soul, is one that I think most, if not all, of us here have dealt with. Speaking very personally, I've very often kept my DL side in total segregation and tried (unsuccessfully) in the past to simply "give it up for good." But I came to terms with it about halfway through my time at college, recognizing that it was simply one more aspect of Who I Am. And there's no single answer for that. I am a writer, I am a DL, I am of Mexican descent, I am of German-Irish descent, I am Catholic, I am, etc., etc.

If anything, I've learned that we are complex and diverse creatures, no matter what we're told or come to believe, and we should celebrate that inner diversity than try to hide it. So what if you're part Knight, part AB/DL? Two sides of the same coin, and it how one uses the coin that matters.

I wish you well on your travels, be they physical or spiritual.

[Yvhuce]

Unfortunately, I don't have any real good answers to offer... But, as the song goes, "Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy"... If it's really becoming a problem in your life, seek counseling. That may not seem macho, either, but neither is winding up in a loony bin because you were too macho to seek help when you needed it...

Wherever your path takes you, I wish you well.

[Lost Soul]

Ok it seems like I just might be taken the wrong way. I'm not trying to say that I dont like being a AB/DL b/c I dont I really like and enjoy it. I know its apart of me I just want to find a balance between both sides. And just to put it out there I already do go to a tharapist but I will never ever tell her about this.

[Bettypooh]

When something is as strong in your life as ABDL usually is you have to find a balance to make it work out Accept in yourself who you are and what you like, then integrate that into your life in a way that lets it happen without adversely affecting the rest of your life For me right now my DL is private, only shared with poeple online that do not connect to my personal and real world life It lets me enjoy and share the DL side of me without having it create problems in the rest of my life Should my DL desires grow I'll slowly integrate them into the picture to maintain the balance as my needs dictate- but I won't ever let it become so big that it destroys the rest of my life I have practical needs- a home, a family and social life, a job- that must be allowed for whether I like it or not Otherwise I do what I feel like doing as much as I can Being as different as ABDL or TG is will place demands on you in your life and you have to allow for them or it will overwhelm you, and if that happens the results are usually not happy ones It's never demeaning to just be whoever you are when you can- that's what we're supposed to do. I can be macho when I have to- but it's not the real me so I avoid the situations that require that of me as much as I can. If I could afford to do without my job and family relationships I would happily become a woman- and a DL kinky one at that- but with my lot in life that's not likely to happen so until then I just balance everything as best I can and go on trying to be as happy as I can

Bettypooh

[Yvhuce]

Ok it seems like I just might be taken the wrong way. I'm not trying to say that I dont like being a AB/DL b/c I dont I really like and enjoy it. I know its apart of me I just want to find a balance between both sides. And just to put it out there I already do go to a tharapist but I will never ever tell her about this.

Well, there's yer problem... They can't help you if you don't trust them with your problems... It's counter-productive.

[hidden]

I mean this other side I also consider like a knight to who ever I'm with you know to protect them and if I'm a knight how could I protect any one if I'm in diapers ...

well, if ur wearing a diaper, it may not hurt as much if ur kicked in that area since you will have padding. it also should be a sign of trust that your are willing to take off your armor for her and only her. even a knight has to take off their armor as some point.

if you act ashamed of it, it will give her the idea that it is something to be ashamed of so how you react to her discovering it or how you tell her about it will help determine how she will feel about it.

[Lost Soul]

I trust them it other problems not my AB/DL side. Theres no way or a reson for them to know about this. They are there to help with other things this is to personal. I'm not dealing with any one finding out about it I cant even tell any one close to my heart how could I tell that to a tharapist. I apoligise if I'm sounding rud or mad or any thing I'm not trying to so let me say it agine thanks for any and all advice any one has and what every one has already has given me.

And Bettypooh I agree with you on it but its just how do you balance it.

And hidden I'm not talking like a knight in armer lol more like a modern knight. I'm talking as a like a way of being and acting.

[Yvhuce]

Well... That's all the advice I can add to this topic... I can't force you to act against one way or the other... Good luck with wherever your path takes you.

Also, I think hidden was using the "armour" as a metaphor... Even if it was misspelled.

[Aurelius]

I've been thinking a lot about this lately.

My suggestion is just to experiment and have no fear. You will much, much more strongly regret harmless things you didn't do than those you did.

Repressing desires can cause problems later - I know that if I had told my parents when I was 12 and explained everything in full and reached an agreement where I could wear in private (and hygenically etc) then my late-teen issues would've been less serious. My life is in a very stressful stagnation right now and all there is is to fight it out. If I hadn't fought it so hard my life would probably be a lot more relaxed - instead I've had 10 years of stress I could have avoided.

Your situation is different. If you find you have the fetish there's an extremely high chance you will never get out of it completely, even with counselling. I don't understand why people are so afraid about their girlfriends leaving them - unless they truly are a medium-long term serious partner, you shouldn't worry. After all the stress to you is much worse to you than her - if you are not involving it in sex then it's none of her business. It took me until I was 16 to fully accept that I had it, too. Probably it will take you some years to fully accept it, if you do indeed have it

[hidden]

Also, I think hidden was using the "armour" as a metaphor... Even if it was misspelled.

i don't see anything misspelled... *shifty eyes* ... but that was what i was going for.