Why Must We Run And Hide?

[underwhere]

The ubiquitous binge/purge cycle is talked about frequently on these boards, and usually with good reason, it seems.

Sometimes on this board, or in the chat room, a discussion is formed basically around this idea: possible relationship with a significant other, or diapers?

Why must it be exclusively one or the other? Why can't we have relationships for the sake of having a relationship with somebody we like/love?

For my time, if I'm going to engage in a relationship with somebody, the most important things I really want are respect and understanding. If I'm not being respectful of myself and my own desires, how can I expect somebody else to be respectful of me or mine?

I don't mean for this to generate into a conversation of "Should we tell or not?" but rather one of "Why don't we tell anyway?" Surely, our lack of willingness to tell says something about our own insecurities as AB/DLs, and best I can tell, it is usually the result of unspoken insecurities which seem to wind up breaking up more relationships when those insecurities are finally spoken. Far better, it seems to me, would be to be open about yourself as a person, and seek out only the respect and understanding of people who are both willing and able to be open, respectful and understanding in return rather than trying to force respect and understanding on people who may be unwilling or unable to meet your basic needs as a human being.

Am a nutty idealist who doesn't belong on the planet earth because of my utopian views, or am I just seeking higher ideals in a relationship? How about the rest of you? What do you think about this stuff?

[Baby Bethany]

The ubiquitous binge/purge cycle is talked about frequently on these boards, and usually with good reason, it seems.

Am a nutty idealist who doesn't belong on the planet earth because of my utopian views, or am I just seeking higher ideals in a relationship? How about the rest of you? What do you think about this stuff?

No you're not, well not in my view anyway. I've always held the view that for guys and girls in our community finding a partner should be no different to the way it is for anyone else. To my mind you find the person first, and then tell them second, a love of diapers should be secondary to our love of a potential partner. I'm not in anyway saying this is not a major part of our lives, I'm just saying you shouldn't seek to be with someone just because you share a diaper fetish......there are other things that are important in a relationship, and if diapers are all you have in common, well that's not much to work on. In the same vain, if you hold out for a potential partner who is already in the scene you are seriously going to narrow the field. If I wasn't with my partner, I'm 99% confident I could meet a woman between the ages of say 25 and 50. But I'm not at all confident that I could meet a woman in that age group who is already into diapers.......I'd more than likely end up on my own. We have to take into account that what we do is a minority interest, and that means most people are not into it. Another thing to bear in mind is that there are many people out there who won't think this is a big problem if you give them a chance to understand, my wife is a classic example of this. She wasn't into it before I met her, and she thought it was a bit unusual when I did tell her, but she now enjoys it herself. People can come to think it's harmless fun, but you have to give people like my wife a chance to understand us.

The reason we choose the fetish or the partner, is because telling people that we like this is scary.....I know that. I've told two girls, and it was the scariest thing I ever had to say. One of them thought I was a perv and said so, and the other (my wife) thought it was unusual, but not a big deal. But if after my bad experience of my gf walking out on me I'd sat back and taken the view that all girls will respond the same way and it's hopeless, I'd probably be alone now.

Form a relationship with someone nice and give that person a chance to understand your little quirk.

Beth

[Guest YkDave]

Why dont we tell?

Fear of rejection, misunderstanding, being labeled, ect...

Some people dont care what others think and may not have much of an 'outside' life, but others do and they dont want their little fetish to get tossed into the mix of things and screw over the rest of their normal life!

Not everyone quite understands this fetish and alot of people are quick to assume we are a bunch of nutcases or pedofiles, ect... Thus alot of us tend to keep things 'behind closed doors'

[sarah_ab]

i think its important to remember, we are not the only people who 'hide' something or 'keep' something from our partners. Its not as if there are not plenty of things people keep from their SO's...

it doesn't always have to do with lack of acceptance of ourselves, although i do think it has to do with the fear of losing the other person. When we care about someone with all our hearts, the thought of losing them can be horrific so many chose not to share certain aspects of themselves with their SO.

It doesn't have to be diapers, many people have fetish's, likes, desires, medical conditions, secrets from their past, that they dont share with their SO.

[baby Jason]

Well, I am fairly new to posting but this one definately made me want to speak up and participate. I myself am just beginning a realtionship with someone, while it's just beginning and I wouldn't go as far as to say we are dating yet, we are talking and getting to know eachother. I met her on a "diaper site" and that being said there was really no reason for me to hide the fact that I wear from her. I have never before been open with it in any of my past relationships, partially because of my own insecurities, partially because I don't think I could deal with the fall out if things were to go wrong. And lastly because I have a very hard time being able to figure out why I do this sometimes, let alone explain to someone else why I do it.

Now, don't get me wrong I don't think what I do is bad or wrong, I just can never pin point what exactly it is that I like about it or can not explain why I am into it. We were having a discussion last night and she pointed out the fact that I can't even say the word "diaper" in conversation. I had never thought about it before, but that isn't a good thing. It really bothered me, I mean diapers are a part of my life but sometimes it is hard to deal with and accept.

I have a battle that rages in my head to where things don't make sense or things just don't add up. I often wonder, why can I not make this known to a partner, why do I have to keep it locked away in my head. I have come to realize that part of the reason I do this is out of fear of not being accepted, part of it is I can not explain it to myself so how can I expect another person to understand, when really, I am not even giving them a chance to be a part of it or understand when I can not be open about it. It is not something we should be ashamed of, but at the same time I don't think it is a good idea to put a huge sign up to everyone saying we like diapers or something like that. But I do think it is important when you are gonna make a person a part of your life, you should do your best to try to give them all of you, even if that means the some of that is a little undesireable in your mind, it does give that person another chance to see what makes us us. I am sorry I got a little long winded here, but that is my take on the whole thing. I would love to hear your replies on it.

Jason

[CBD]

I recently made a long winded post of my own at iheartdiapers.com that touches on a lot of subjects along these lines. Basically it was a discussion on seeking a more general kind of acceptance for ABDLs, of the sort that BDSM enjoys. Someone pointed out that BDSMs comparative kinkiness should, in all logic, make it a harder sell to the general public than ABDL. This is what I had to add:

In the public consciousness, BDSM, which was considered totally unacceptable 60 years ago, has now become what we think of when we think of sex. However, the key difference that holds the ABDL world back from that kind of public recognition is that BDSMers have been building a very open, intelligent, and supportive community since the 1950s. And let's face it; the majority of people searching the Internet for ABDL material are not interested in the community. They are (for lack of a nice way of putting this) looking for something to jerk off to. They find it and they split. They have no interest in speaking with others intelligently via the web, don't want to meet in public, and they won't even risk outing themselves to their significant other. In short, they are closeted even from their own community.

BDSM had people like Betty Page to bring the subculture into the public eye and let everyone know that it wasn't just gross old guys in dungeons, and that it could be fun, sexy, and tasteful. If some sexy young model or pop star came out publicly as ABDL and did a shoot in playboy or Esquire with Little Girl themes that had even a single diapered picture, you can bet that diapers and ageplay would be the new bondage.

However, there is a major issue in the community which will have to be addressed before ABDL subculture will be ready to "go public" in the way that BDSM has. That issue is the almost inseparable notions of shame and humiliation associated with diapers. We have got to have people out there who are willing to do some careful thinking, to find ways of making the general public ABDL-aware so that people who discover that they are ABDL don't feel like it's a good idea to closet themselves so severely they won't even fill out a profile on a website. That's going to mean risking shame for a lot of us. The community can't remain faceless forever.

One person criticized Adrian Surley for endorsing more openness on her blog without showing her own face. This kind of behavior is another sad pitfall of our community; the idea that real participation in the scene means either total privacy or none at all. Certainly, there are plenty of people who, if approached in the right way, would open up as much as they felt comfortable doing. Unfortunately, such approaches are usually not taken. (Again, due in a large part to the fact that being highly closeted has been established as a norm within the community.) Now, I don't show my (entire) face on my blog, but I come damn close. Close enough to where people who know me would probably recognize me if they somehow found their way to my site. That person would have to be surfing a diaper site to find it though, and that's not likely unless they are also ABDL. But as I said, this really isn't about forgoing all privacy, or convincing everyone who wants to mean something to the community to show their face all over the internet. In all honesty, I'm not even sure how much that would help. What the community really needs is someone young, attractive, and loaded with crossmarket-appeal who will be willing to not only show their face to our community, but to the world at large.

Once there are a few brave souls putting themselves into the public eye while laying down the dogma for people who aren't in the know, (we're not pedophiles, we play at a range of ages including adult, avoid the binge and purge cycle, etc.) more people are going to start finding their way to the community with a greater willingness to participate constructively. Reaching out to the BDSM community would probably be a good first step, including making a bigger showing a BDSM events with higher ABDL turnout, ageplay/diaper scenes and seminars, things like that. BDSMers are generally more accepting of alternative lifestyle choices than anyone else.

Personally, I try to keep a blog that non-ABDL people won't be scared off by if they were to come across it. Adrian does a great job of this too; iheartdiapers.com is probably the first site I would show to someone who had no prior knowledge of the ABDL subculture.

I'm currently in the process of organizing an opportunity for some college-aged ABDLS in the New York City area to meet each other discreetly over coffee in real life. Any of you teens/twenty-somethings in the area who are interested in participating should shoot me an email at diapermail@yahoo.com.

In any case, there are a lot of ways to help the community become more public; people are just going to have to organize and make a business plan before that can happen.

[baby Jason]

Excellent post, you couldn't have put it any better. Your right, we all could do a little better in not keeping this in the closet, because before others can accept it, we do need to learn to accept it ourselves. Very good insight and I think personally I agree with it. I have pictures of myself on the site, not even thinking others might browse the site and recognize me. If they came across them I would try to explain them, but I will deal with that when the time comes, if it does come.

Take care

Jason!

[sarah_ab]

course when people think of bdsm gear and props there is no real relation to children, however when people see diapers, baby clothes, bottles, pacifiers etc.. their first thought is children..

its going to be hard to gain acceptance for a fetish that so many people relate to children.. not necessarily pedophilia, but the thought that items of comfort and nurishment, safety and security from their childhood become sexual props for others.

which brings up another point 90% of the people into bdsm do it for sexual reasons, here there is a HUGE split between those who do it for sexual reasons and those who claim its a 'lifestyle'. with that split there will never be a united from presented to the 'public' and by trying to present both sides to the public with just seek to confuse them even more, and when people are confused they tend to push it away and react with anger or fear.

[CBD]

That really doesn't justify the total closet behavior we see within the community though-- and the misunderstandings you describe are a symptom of people not being ABDL aware, not the cause. People used to see bondage equipment and their first thought was torture and imprisonment. Due to the efforts of the BDSM community, people now see whips, handcuffs, and restraints and think naughty fun. Obviously, addressing these initial misgivings would be the principle object of any effort at increasing ABDL-awareness in the general public, just as it was when BDSM was first being introduced to the wide demographic it now enjoys.

[Markley]

That really doesn't justify the total closet behavior we see within the community though-- and the misunderstandings you describe are a symptom of people not being ABDL aware, not the cause. People used to see bondage equipment and their first thought was torture and imprisonment. Due to the efforts of the BDSM community, people now see whips, handcuffs, and restraints and think naughty fun. Obviously, addressing these initial misgivings would be the principle object of any effort at increasing ABDL-awareness in the general public, just as it was when BDSM was first being introduced to the wide demographic it now enjoys.

This is kinda what I'm affraid of if ever DL/ABs ever became an "open to the public" community....

People will think Adults acting like babies, making a mess of themselves, and acting with no adult mindset. And regardless, there will be that handful of people who will try to relate this community with wanting to have sex with kids.

For the Diaper Lovers who just wear for the personal feel, comfort, and still would rather use a toilet than the diaper that we're wearing, we'd be forced even more into our dark caves for fear of being labeled what we're not.

I will never go public with my desire for these same reasons. I dont even want people to think I need them.

Though diapers have had some relationship with Bondage, Bondage itself, is alot easier to accept in the general public. Who doesn't like being held down with some force in a sexaul manner?

The outside world will more than likely always think on a negitive level towards ABDLs.

I'm 100% positive, I feel alot safer now than I would if it went public. I may not be attacked, obviously, but thats not something I need going out to everyone that knows me other than my SO. She's the only one who needs to know just for the simple fact that I cant hide it from her if I am to want to enjoy it.

[Baby Bethany]

I think that as Sarah said, we form a relationship and then although we want to tell the person about this we put it off through fear of losing that person. Not just losing them, but the actual embarrasement of telling them. Let's face it, telling your partner that you like to wear diapers is very embarrasing......regardless of how much you accept yourself. If like some of us, you also enjoy baby clothes.....well that's even more difficult (and embarrasing) to explain to a loved one. But as CBD said, there seems to be a bit of an assumption by some people in our community that you either tell everyone you like this or you tell nobody. That people like myself, broadcast this to the world because we don't care what people think. This couldn't be further from the truth. I have only told two people outside of the scene ever, both partners. I have no wish to tell my family, friends and work collegues.......I would die if they even suspected it. To my mind, it's not necessery for those people to know, but I still think we should tell our partners. Not on the first date LOL, but down the line.

The way I see it there are five options:

1) Tell your partner. (They may accept it, they may not, you'll have to take that chance and be ready for possible rejection. But at least you can decide when and how you say it.)

2) Don't tell your partner. (This is soul destroying and gets harder as the years go by, especially if you have a growing collection of stuff. Plus, they may find out anyway.......what will you say then?)

3) Seek a partner in the AB/DL community. (I know a couple of people that have done this with success, but they are few and far between. You could end up on your own because you've narrowed the field of potential partners too much).

4) Don't find a partner. (That's okay, if you're happy being single).

5) Wait until we are more mainstream, so it's easier to be accepted. (You could have a long wait, I think we'll all be chatting about diapers in the old folks home before then).

Beth

[CBD]

I'm 100% positive, I feel alot safer now than I would if it went public. I may not be attacked, obviously, but thats not something I need going out to everyone that knows me other than my SO. She's the only one who needs to know just for the simple fact that I cant hide it from her if I am to want to enjoy it.

Keep in mind that just by telling your SO, you are more out than 90% of this community. Also note that the same willfully ignorant people who would walk around declaring anyone who is into diapers a child molester would probably be precisely the same people who still go around decrying BDSM, LGBT, and just about anything else that isn't C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N, at least by their unreasoningly limited definition of the word. We are talking about bringing a sense of awareness of general truths to the general public, that is, the majority. The object of raising awareness would be to dispell popular myths and biases in order to foster understanding between people who are different from one another. This is very different from convincing everyone in the world that they are happy to be sharing it with ABDLs.

I have a pin-up of a girl in BDSM gear on my wall. It isn't porn, but it might not please my mother, should she come to visit. I would probably take it down while she was here. However, it is definitely not a big deal to have it on my wall if I'm just having friends over, otherwise it wouldn't be there. My friends don't have to be into BDSM to tolerate this poster; it's just a silly pin-up. Now if the girl on my wall was diapered instead, I would definitely have some explaining to do. This is the fundamental difference between a fetish the public has been made aware of and one that it has not. An educated public doesn't freak out and demand explanations.

[Baby Bethany]

Keep in mind that just by telling your SO, you are more out than 90% of this community.

Is that statistic true CBD? Seriously, I would have thought that although us that have told partners are in a minority, I wouldn't have thought we're anything as low as 10% of the community.

Or was that just a figure of speech?

Beth

[boy ricky]

My guess is that many people are embarrassed over anything that has a sexual undertones or a fetish or desire deemed to be "different or weird" by others, especially to those close to themselves.

I use to be worried about the whole AB scene and found the sex part of diapers much easier as i was able to attach it to water sports. People still thought it weird but I wasn't turned away as a loon.

I get away with wearing my ab stuff more and more now as i become exposed to ever more people. It has made it much easier for me to get by in diapers and ab/boy aged clothing and or behaviour.

We have a growing circle of friends that have seen me treated as a boy, in my diapers, boy and or ab clothing that we don't hide it much any more.

I think the key to addressing our guilt or worries is to one be happy with who you are or like, don't express shame or excuses for liking diapers or ab clothing/ behaviours. All of this is hard to do on one's own. I was on the way with just diapers on my own, it was much easier when I got together with my Daddy.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Okay, Being a dl is more of a fetish, so I can honestly say this is like having a foot, balloon, feces, or whatever fetish, people don't want or need to know. Now if you're an ab, that may be different, but to me it is still a sub genre of bdsm, so again a fetish. I think it i important to have somebody you can confide or share with. I think that is most of our problems. we do not have a friend or personal contact to talk, share or converse with. Finding a mate that is accepting is a secondary need, in my humble opinion(in long run we all want mate who shares in fetish, however, I believe our demand for it stems from not having relationships that foster, encourage our lifestyle/fetish)

On a side note, I don't mean having a friend who talks dirty with you, i just mean somebody who is like minded.

[underwhere]

First of all, thanks everybody for such a fantastic discussion. I didn't realise what I was gonna set off with the original post, but I'm ever glad I posted it.

I guess I'm a bit stymied by this whole acquaintance/friendship/lover thing. In my case, a significant part of this comes from within, i.e., I feel like I am scared to try to create relationship because I fear rejection and/or misinterpretation. I've got an interesting collection of cognitive circumstances to begin with, and by my way of thinking about it, I'm not even willing to get into any serious relationship with anybody if I can't trust that other person on a fairly deep level. Even more tricky is that acquaintances are not very meaningful social relationships to me. As it is, I feel like there are some unique things about me I HAVE TO share with people if I am going to have any hope of a successful social relationship with them, and I fear that anything as kinky as diapers might just be the straw which breaks the camels back as far as turning somebody away from me as a potential friend, let alone something far deeper than that.

This puts me in an interesting situation: How can I learn to trust people if I'm not even willing to try to give them the benefit of the doubt by being open myself? I'm quite the natural isolationist. I'm just much more comfortable on my own than among other people, so something like diapers is not something I feel all that willing to bring up in a conversation anywhere, even though I really do want to be true to myself and not deny my inner needs, for whatever reason they might exist.

I think the discussions about the parallels (or lack thereof right now) with the BDSM community and how ABDL is perceived by the general public are probably at the heart of these difficulties. On a more personal level, it REALLY bothers me to keep aspects of my life which I feel are so personally meaningful to me a deep dark secret that i can't show people anything about, and I have to believe that is probably not emotionally or psychologically healthy for me to do in the long run. (Thats one reason I am thankful for sites like this where I can share such thoughts and needs and desires with people.) I know that keeping secrets is something that bothers a lot of other people too. Sometimes, I just wish I could shout out for the whole world to hear, "I'M AN AB/DL GODDAMMIT! GIVE ME SOME CREDIT!" Of course, I wouldn't, but that doesn't change my desire to want to be able to do so and not have people look at me as if I had two heads.

Wanting to make changes in our society and culture is one thing. Actually doing so, again as has already been mentioned in this discussion, is a completely different ballgame.

Although the man turned out to be a bit more creepy than first appearances led us to believe, you really have to like people like Rodney King for simple words like, "Can't we all just get along?" Sometimes, I really wish it was that easy.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Courage, someday you will be heard!

[SS84onwards]

Well I'm a DL, though I only wear maybe once a month for a few hours sadly and end up having to make do with those few hours since the budget isn't exactly able to go far for anything in terms of new towels to make a nappy with or anything new for it. But those few hours are wonderful and very calming.

I never use the nappy beyond wearing, but I accept that there are those who like to use theirs, that's their choice, their life. With getting attacked by some narrow minded people in Second Life over the past year plus about my regressing at a daycare sim there, nappies and all, and relaxing with a young mindset or sometimes heading to a diaper lovers sim with my adult av switched on, then I've rarely been able to just enjoy my own interests because of threats from a narrow minded few.

It would be really great if people could accept that everyone's different, they're just not likely to. Narrow minds see or hear of something that they refuse to understand and they attack without any consideration about a person's feelings, they just attack because it makes them feel big in their insecure lives.

I hate having to hide the fact that I like to wear a nappy when I'm on these boards, it feels wrong to me to hide something. But until those who close their minds to life learn to open their minds, hiding is pretty much all DL/AB's are likely to do because of the misguided stigma attached to doing anything that doesn't conform to what society deems as 'normal', not that normal exists.

Maybe there are celebs who wear nappies for comfort, incontintance or sexual purposes. And if there, they might have the same feelings of uncertainity as the rest of us do when it comes to being accepted in the eyes of the general public. It would be nice to be able to go food shopping while wearing a nappy and be able to say without fear of attack: "I love wearing a nappy, I really do". Or something of that nature.

Whenver I go food shopping and I pass the baby supplies section, I always end up thinking 'I wish they had adult sized nappies for sale". But that's not likely, not while there's a very unfair and misguided stigma around.

People just fear what they don't understand and they let that fear overrule their intellect. It's a shame, it's not like wearing a nappy hurts anyone, unlike things like binge drinking, drugs and other socially acceptable things that are harmful, not all, but a lot of them. ::Longs for the day when it would be safe to wear a nappy while food shopping and not be attacked for being themselves::

[curiositykilledthecat]

you can't call evryone who doesn't like what you do narrow minded. People are only required to tolerate behavior. You, me and anyoine else has the right to do as they please within the confines of their own home(outside the lines of alienating the rights of another), however, in the market place everything is fair game. Nobody should be treated as second class citizens for their fetish but if you walked up to me and said i like to get off with feces, then yes I have it in my full right to be grossed out.(just using as example, relax)

[SS84onwards]

If you knew the few who have been attacking, I think you would end up calling them narrow minded as well. There's not accepting people because they don't have the same skin or interests or whatever and then there's just outright attacks without considering for a second that they can't force people to be like them.

There are plenty of others who know of my differences and accept them, they have their own interests and they accept that everyone has their own little thing. The few however never accept that, no matter how often they see how different others are, they never accept that everyone has their own thing. They just try to force people to be like them, it makes me wonder if they're lonely and don't have the courage to face that.

Difference happens, as the saying goes: Varity is the spice of life. It would be a dull world if everyone was exactly the same in every way.

[CBD]

Is that statistic true CBD? Seriously, I would have thought that although us that have told partners are in a minority, I wouldn't have thought we're anything as low as 10% of the community.

Or was that just a figure of speech?

Beth

Figure of speech, Beth. Sorry if I exaggerated, but the point is there.

[sarah_ab]

under highlighted an interesting thing... see in the usa, in this internet world we live in, people feel the need to share every aspect of their lives with complete strangers.. people post bulletins on myspace and facebook everytime they brush their teeth, go to the bank, take a dump; people discuss their private medical conditions and procedures to just anyone, with no sense of privacy.

The concept of a private life, or an inner dialogue, or having your own thoughts and feelings that you DONT share with the entire world, seems to have gotten lost in our society.

Its important to remember, having secrets is NOT bad. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having things you dont share with anyone, or having things that you know you will only share with one or two other people sometime in your life.

Its ok to not tell people about liking to wear diapers, just like you dont have to tell everoyne you meet that broccolli is your favourite vegitable, or that you like watching really bad made for tv sci-fi movies.

Having a private life is a good thing, having a life separate from your significant other is good thing. Having secrets is healthy.

I understand the need to want to share this with a significant other if you want your SO to participate in diaper activities with you, even if that means just being around you while you are wearing a diaper.

but under you asked "How can I learn to trust people if I'm not even willing to try to give them the benefit of the doubt by being open myself?"

but basically, being open about all aspects of yourself is not going to allow you to 'trust' people. Its just going to set you up for people to use you and potentially harm you. Trusting people doesn't mean you tell them everything about yourself. It just means that you feel you could tell them if you ever needed to.

I trust my best friend completely and utterly, but i would never tell him i liked to wear diapers, and i would hope to god there are some things he would keep private from me.

theres a difference in being open to people to start a friendship, and telling people you have a diaper fetish/like whatever. I have lots of relationships, lots of friendships with people, and none of them involve telling them i'm an ab.

[Guest dllightning]

I think you're not seeing the picture as a whole like CDB is trying to elaborate on. I think this response is to the OP and rightfully so. I am gonna reply to this as if it was in regards to both the OP and CDB.

I understand the need for Privacy. There is a greater need for acceptance, or in most of our cases, the need to not to be freakishly rejected. It hurts when this happens. I told my wife and got backlashed to now I sometimes wish she never knew. I think what I and CDB are eluding too is the fact that Infantilism needs to have its rise in the daylight of reason. If my wife would have known about infantilism like she does about BDSM or any other mainstream kink- I would not have been considered a freak- I am not even AB!!! Shows how clouded people are in their own laws and ways of considering what is gross and disgusting and abnormal. Big culture shock when these people travel outside their homeland.

So I believe the infantilist community's time to be public in a good way is at hand. This doesnt mean EVERYONE outta the closet pool. No. People can still be secret about their infantilism. We can never take that away. We just NEED to get the general public aware of the TRUTHS about infantilism, get them the information they need (not shots of ppl in their undergarments), and educate them on what can be a most pleasuring experience they are missing out on.

I am working on this. The first step was creating a logo to identify infantilist that was not obscene or totally irrelevant to us or to modern visual identities.

under highlighted an interesting thing... see in the usa, in this internet world we live in, people feel the need to share every aspect of their lives with complete strangers.. people post bulletins on myspace and facebook everytime they brush their teeth, go to the bank, take a dump; people discuss their private medical conditions and procedures to just anyone, with no sense of privacy.

The concept of a private life, or an inner dialogue, or having your own thoughts and feelings that you DONT share with the entire world, seems to have gotten lost in our society.

Its important to remember, having secrets is NOT bad. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having things you dont share with anyone, or having things that you know you will only share with one or two other people sometime in your life.

Its ok to not tell people about liking to wear diapers, just like you dont have to tell everoyne you meet that broccolli is your favourite vegitable, or that you like watching really bad made for tv sci-fi movies.

Having a private life is a good thing, having a life separate from your significant other is good thing. Having secrets is healthy.

I understand the need to want to share this with a significant other if you want your SO to participate in diaper activities with you, even if that means just being around you while you are wearing a diaper.

but under you asked "How can I learn to trust people if I'm not even willing to try to give them the benefit of the doubt by being open myself?"

but basically, being open about all aspects of yourself is not going to allow you to 'trust' people. Its just going to set you up for people to use you and potentially harm you. Trusting people doesn't mean you tell them everything about yourself. It just means that you feel you could tell them if you ever needed to.

I trust my best friend completely and utterly, but i would never tell him i liked to wear diapers, and i would hope to god there are some things he would keep private from me.

theres a difference in being open to people to start a friendship, and telling people you have a diaper fetish/like whatever. I have lots of relationships, lots of friendships with people, and none of them involve telling them i'm an ab.

[sarah_ab]

i wrote a whole long reply but here's what it comes down to.

those who feel the whole world need to know about their lifestyle have obviously not come to accept themselves. having acceptance from other people will not lead you to acceptance.

and i'm sorry but just because people become more aware that abdl is out there,does not mean your SO is going to suddenly accept you even more.

I'm quite aware of what scat is, but i still find it pretty damned gross.

I'm quite aware of pony play, but i still can't see myself ever engaging in it, or being with someone who does.

i'm quite aware of electro play, and again wouldnever want to engage in that or have a partner who does.

awareness does not breed acceptance... that is what no one seems to understand. You can make anyone aware you want, that will not lead to acceptance.

[baby Jason]

awareness does not breed acceptance... that is what no one seems to understand. You can make anyone aware you want, that will not lead to acceptance.

very true sarah, very true.