A Broadened Spectrum Of Emotions

[Sophie ♥]

I finally know what hate feels like.

To avoid reading my very long story about what brought this up... skip down to the line of * , read from there. Even if you dont know my story, i'd like some feedback on your personality.

Here's a short background story.

There's this girl I work with, who i used to trust. It's not that I'd intentionally confide my information with her if i wasn't a little blindsighted from problems with Mommy. I was in that 6th month period where i was trying to find an escape from our relationship... trying to find a way out. I had never had a relationship that long before and it frightened me. So i used this girl as an excuse.

Obviously I never broke up with Mommy, and i got through all this, and she knows how i tried getting away from her, but back to the girl. So i told this girl about me. About me liking baby stuff and girly stuff and so forth. And she LIKED me... stalker kinda way. She wasn't pretty, she wasn't nice, and she wasn't even my type... but i still told her. Anyway she told me how she was into the baby stuff too, which I no longer believe. I think she was just trying to make me choose her over Mommy, which didn't work.

We, the girl and myself, drifted apart. We became less of friends, because when i strengthened my relationship with Mommy again i realized how incredibly annoying she truly was. All she did was complain. I'm not joking. This isn't some overexaggeration, becuase i have a firm grip on reality when it comes to people. She did absolutely nothing but complain about money problems and her car and her family and so forth, and i couldn't stand it.

But as the kind person i was... i continued to assist her through her hard times, act nice, act friendly. But she never acted the same way in return, and when i finally asked her about it, she wouldn't even tell me she was my friend. So i basically stopped being her friend after that.

She added Mommy on MySpace, all Mommy's friends, all my friends, and would tell them all how she was so wonderful and how terrible a person I was so they would encourage Mommy to break up with me. They all blocked her instead. I'm trying to write this believeable as possible so the readers dont believe i'm just being bias or mean... but it's all just as I said. I assure you.

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Longer background story than i thought.

Anyway, the reason for this post in the first place...

Apparently, today at work, i was informed by a coworker how the girl was spreading rumors about me... how i'm into diapers, baby clothes, so forth. This is what happened.

"So i heard you like diapers or something like that." -Coworker

I responded by giving a very strange glare, which made him feel awkward, but he kept talking.

"Or baby clothes or something."

The glare continued.

"Or sleepers... or... any of that?"

Me: "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about..."

In the end he bought it. I had an extremely convincing face expressing how i was just as weirded out as him.

We continued the conversation a tad bit, but i kept calm. He told me how the girl was spreading rumors. I reacted unexpectedly.

I wasn't angry. I wasn't upset. I wasn't sad or embarassed or guilty or timid. My anxiety wasn't even that high, which is highly uncommon when a confrontation like that occurs in my life. But i still felt different, but not about the coworker i was talking to, or different from any coworker she perhaps had told. They were still the same people to me.

Then i thought of that girl, and i realized... i hated her. I have never hated a single person before in my entire life, but now i cant help but contemplate ways of ruining her life, from alienating her from who she believed to be her friends (no other coworkers liked her either... i was the oddball by the way i was nice to her, but that's just who i am).

Adding hate to my spectrum of human emotions didn't throw me off balance like i'd imagined. Everything seems a lot clearer actually. My anxiety hasn't skyrocketed... no matter how many times i relive the memory. And i actually feel happy. Happy that knowing she can spill all my secrets, but really it would only hurt her. It would make her seem like a liar, because i am more of a reliable person. It would push people from her... it would make her unhappy. And that thought made me happy. That's how I knew i hated her. No matter how much i disliked someone, i always put them first... i always put their happiness before my own. Not now.

Now, just for clarification, i do not resent my lifestyle choices. I love my AB and sissy sides. I love who i am and how i am. And perhaps everyone here wont understand this... but i'm just not ready to allow the entire world to see who i am as well. I am not that open. I am not that emotionally prepared. I like the secret being a secret, and i like outsiders staying out of it.

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Lastly... i am not looking for any sympathy. Hell, i dont even feel like I need it. I am also not looking for the morals that "i shouldn't hate anyone (especially not for such a reason)" (and i'd like to confirm firstly that there is SO much more beyond this incident that makes me hate her, such as trying to split me and Mommy up by telling her lies... this incident just pushed me over the edge) because I know all this... and i still cant help it.

I've read the posts about how childhood abuse can affect if one becomes an AB or DL and they talk about the hate they feel toward those people, and i'm not saying my hate compares, but when i replied i said how i couldn't imagine hating anyone, ever, not even a bit. Now things changed.

The reason I am bothering to post this at all is because I want to learn. I want to learn how people view the world and how they are affected by powerful emotions. I suppose the story wasn't exactly necessary at all, but perhaps some were curious about what sparked my interest.

To answer my own question... i try not to be a pessimist, I try not to be an optimist... i remain in control of reality... i dont sway either way... neutrality... and i never believed in hate before, but i had believed in love. Now that I know what hate feels like and can imagine such negative intensity... everything seems so balanced. My personality seems solid. I feel like understanding is easier... and I find myself smiling more...

***********************

I want to know about how you feel. What emotions commonly surface? Does that support your outlook on life? If you're an optimist, do you believe in love more than hate? Are you usually happy because you think things will get better, or do you feel upset more since things dont live up to the expectations? Shy or timid types, do you find the world a scary place, and the outgoing, do you find the world easy to be a part of? Etc.

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I feel really dumb for rambling like that. It was just a long day and all... and when i started writing it became more like a journal entry than a thread. Half of it doesn't even matter, the other half is senseless rambling. If no one can understand what i'm getting at, dont feel bad. I barely understand it.

SORRY for making this so long! Ah...

-Sophie

[underwhere]

Hate is a VERY strong emotion. It's one that I have rarely felt in my life, but I do know what that feels like.

Without a doubt, you have ample reason for your animosity towards this particular girl. She is certainly doing her best to cause trouble for you, and without a doubt, is definitely stalking you. The fact that you have so far been able to come out of this as a stronger person says a lot about you in a very positive way.

Now, with regard to your comments regarding personal disclosure of things you prefer to keep in private, there have been plenty of threads here which have discussed whether or not it is something one should tell people. There are the usual pros and cons brought up in such discussions. Allow me to take a tangent for just a moment.

I have a cognitive condition (I prefer that word to disability since 'disability' seems to have a negative connotation in many places). It's something I am very open about. I've written about it in many places both directly and indirectly, and provided references to where I have written about it (like in my blog here, for example) in many other places, and I've also been featured in a small collection of media bits, print, television, and radio. In my case, because of the social complications and potential social snafus inherent with the nature of my condition, I feel it is imperative that I let people know about it as soon as is socially appropriate to do so if I wish to head off any potential social problems down the road, because I KNOW there will be many if I do not. In truth, even though I make people aware of my situation, most people either forget I ever even mentioned it and continue on as if I don't need extra social support, and about an equal proportion make life even MORE difficult for me as those who go out of their way to make life just a little easier for me. Periodically, because of the advocacy work I have done, people recognize me and begin talking to me out of the blue. That provides an additional challenge for me personally, but since they are already aware of my issues, it does not seem at all out of place for me to ask them for some very minor accommodations. For that small portion of people who go out of their way to make my life deliberately more difficult, I go out of my way to show them my anger and frustration, and I hold rather little back when doing so. Call it rage or something else, I don't know, but that is emotion is probably the most raw and real I have ever felt, and it is not the least bit pleasant for me to experience or show, but when I must, it does come out severely. Sometimes I wonder how I maintain physical control of myself when that happens, because often when it does, all I really want to do is murder the person. (I have yet to actually do so, thankfully.)

Now, back to your issues here: AB/DL and any of the myriad of related issues that go along with this stuff is not something that everybody NEEDS to know about a person. Many people here have mentioned very strongly the disadvantages of telling people. A few have mentioned the advantages, and if it is a social relationship you are seeking, you have to bring it out sometime, hopefully when you feel confident enough in the other person that you will be self-assured enough that they will not reject you for being you, or that this is just a small piece of who you are and not all of you in totality.

You get to choose who you tell things too. You can feign ignorance all you want, and many people will buy it, and many more will not, but if you are not comfortable in your own skin, it really doesn't matter how you handle these situations, because it will hurt you inside that much more. Even if you are comfortable with yourself, it can still be infuriating to encounter betrayal in your life. This is one reason why I have few friends, because those I have are very close and would never do that to me purposefully, and those I don't have are as unimportant to me as I am to them.

I hope this helps somewhat.

[Sophie ♥]

Well, i had to read that over twice and open a new window to search around dictionary.com, but yeah, that totally helped!! (You worded perfectly, i'm just slow when it comes to big words...)

I completely agree with you on... well... everything. I'm not exactly sure what your condition (yes, i dont like the word disability either) is, but i understand your point.

To better understand my reasons for telling her at all... i'll restate that i was extremely blindsighted, trying to get out of my relationship with Mommy out of the fear of a long lasting relationship, and she happened to be the only person nearby that thought i was mildly attractive. Poor reasoning, i know... but it was enough for me at the time.

As for friends, i have Mommy. I have my brother, and two others, and they dont know who i am as an AB or a sissy, but i know if i told them they'd understand. I just have no desire to tell them. I dont want them to take part in that lifestyle, so i keep it quiet. Aside from them, i have two other friends i've mentioned once before. The boy who relieved my feelings of guilt from being a TB (back when i started) and his girlfriend. Aside from those... 6 people, i have no other "real friends". I have the favorable aquantances from school and such, but no one i'd ever talk to personally about anything.

-Sophie

P.S. You saying how i came out of it a stronger person says a lot about me positively really made me smile. I actually deleloped a vast amount of anxiety after posting for two reasons. Reason one is that people may find it cynical that i got happy from hating someone. Reason two is that "Broadened" isn't a word.

[underwhere]

Well, i had to read that over twice and open a new window to search around dictionary.com, but yeah, that totally helped!! (You worded perfectly, i'm just slow when it comes to big words...)

lol! I have a gift for words, and precise use of them. Sometimes, that means using bigger words than might actually be necessary, but I wouldn't feel comfortable expressing myself without being precise in that expression. That got me into some awkward social situations at school, but I was stronger than those kids back then, at least on that level.

....

To better understand my reasons for telling her at all... i'll restate that i was extremely blindsighted, trying to get out of my relationship with Mommy out of the fear of a long lasting relationship, and she happened to be the only person nearby that thought i was mildly attractive. Poor reasoning, i know... but it was enough for me at the time.

An observation I first made a long time ago which seems to have held up to be reasonably useful to me, even if not completely true, is this: Those who are the most attractive physically are often the ones everybody else is seeking, and because of that, they often have a desire to repel a large number of people they really aren't interested in. In so doing, they may come across as spiteful or hurtful at times simply because they don't want all of the attention they are being given. Some of the nicest people I have ever met have been far less than what some people would refer to as physically attractive.

And then there are just spiteful and hateful people out there. It's hard to avoid them all, but being cautious and watching out for signs of a "bad person" can be very helpful. I'm overly cautious myself, perhaps too cautious, but in my case, I would be a fool not to be.

As for friends, i have Mommy. I have my brother, and two others, and they dont know who i am as an AB or a sissy, but i know if i told them they'd understand. I just have no desire to tell them. I dont want them to take part in that lifestyle, so i keep it quiet. Aside from them, i have two other friends i've mentioned once before. The boy who relieved my feelings of guilt from being a TB (back when i started) and his girlfriend. Aside from those... 6 people, i have no other "real friends". I have the favorable aquantances from school and such, but no one i'd ever talk to personally about anything.

I am also lacking in "real friends", but those I have I cherish highly. It is difficult enough for me to create friendships, and I don't wish to waste my time doing so with people who may ultimately prove to be not worth my time. As for acquaintances, I have no meaningful relationships of that sort. (Again, you'll have to check out my blog and website for details. My blog is private for registered dailydiapers viewers only.) Many people have me as an acquaintance, but I have almost zero acquaintances myself.

-Sophie

P.S. You saying how i came out of it a stronger person says a lot about me positively really made me smile. I actually deleloped a vast amount of anxiety after posting for two reasons. Reason one is that people may find it cynical that i got happy from hating others. Reason two is that "Broadened" isn't a word.

"Broadened" is indeed a word. It's not tripped up by my spell checker, and I'm sure if you look that up at dictionary.com, you'll find it there too.

As for being happy about hating others, there was a small group of neo-Nazis who came to my town a few years ago. I saw them protesting in front of the local synagogue. I don't have the words to describe the level of rage I felt watching them there, but I later was able to write about it in the context of another piece I had written. I was not happy for the hate I felt towards those people, but I was happy for my abilities to express that hate in a more constructive manner.

I've always found writing to be a powerful tool, not just so I could share what I think with others, but often, just so I could share it with myself. Writing, and the process involved in doing so, often allows me to think more critically about my own thoughts and emotions. Worry less about what your writing means to others, and more about what it means to you. You can't control how others feel about what you write, but if it comes from the heart, you can control how you feel about it, and that counts far more anyway.

[sarah_ab]

SO first let me just say i do not advocate revenge however in this situation, the girls actions could most definitely be construed as a form of harassment, and even sexual harassment (it may not be sexual for you, but it makes her look that much worse).

No matter what the girl was saying about you, this needs to be taken directly to human resources. Skip your supervisor and her supervisor, they are rarely if ever equipped for this sort of situation, and call the 1800 number or go to human resources in person. Go immediately when you are at work next, they cannot fire you for spending your shift at human resources.

What this girl doing is illegal, and if you company allows it, you have reason for a lawsuit. Having co-workers write a statement in which they say what they were told by her, and sign and date it, and have that co -worker bring it to human resources add's that much more credibility to you. If your company does nothing, you go to labor and industries, commonly called L&I in many states.

L&I can get involved help you resolve the situation.

Going to human resources, and knowing you are taking action against this girl she may never expect from you, you are 1. taking care of the situation in hte most professional manner possible and at the same time it may help take away the feelings of hatred, Its never good to feel hate, it can eat away at a person and make them bitter. However, in going above her, in making a formal complaint that will follow her for however long she is at that company, if she even keeps her job, you are rising above the situation and proving to her in the best way possible, that you will not let her get you.

I myself dont hate anyone, i know cause i've thoroughly examined my feelings towards people, and those who seek to do harm to me, i realize i dont hate them, but rather i pity them. Pity them because they are so ashamed of themselves, so alone in the world, the only way they know how to get attention is by talking bad about others. People like that will always end up along in the long wrong, even surrounded by 100 people they are still going to always be alone.

Where as you, who recognize your feeling, who accept who you are, and that you may enjoy activites that the 'majority' of society doesn't. You understand yourself and your feelings and becase of that, you know you can chose to not be the person that girl is.

[Dill_Pickle]

SO first let me just say i do not advocate revenge however in this situation, the girls actions could most definitely be construed as a form of harassment, and even sexual harassment (it may not be sexual for you, but it makes her look that much worse).

No matter what the girl was saying about you, this needs to be taken directly to human resources. Skip your supervisor and her supervisor, they are rarely if ever equipped for this sort of situation, and call the 1800 number or go to human resources in person. Go immediately when you are at work next, they cannot fire you for spending your shift at human resources.

What this girl doing is illegal, and if you company allows it, you have reason for a lawsuit. Having co-workers write a statement in which they say what they were told by her, and sign and date it, and have that co -worker bring it to human resources add's that much more credibility to you. If your company does nothing, you go to labor and industries, commonly called L&I in many states.

L&I can get involved help you resolve the situation.

Going to human resources, and knowing you are taking action against this girl she may never expect from you, you are 1. taking care of the situation in hte most professional manner possible and at the same time it may help take away the feelings of hatred, Its never good to feel hate, it can eat away at a person and make them bitter. However, in going above her, in making a formal complaint that will follow her for however long she is at that company, if she even keeps her job, you are rising above the situation and proving to her in the best way possible, that you will not let her get you.

I myself dont hate anyone, i know cause i've thoroughly examined my feelings towards people, and those who seek to do harm to me, i realize i dont hate them, but rather i pity them. Pity them because they are so ashamed of themselves, so alone in the world, the only way they know how to get attention is by talking bad about others. People like that will always end up along in the long wrong, even surrounded by 100 people they are still going to always be alone.

Where as you, who recognize your feeling, who accept who you are, and that you may enjoy activites that the 'majority' of society doesn't. You understand yourself and your feelings and becase of that, you know you can chose to not be the person that girl is.

Sarah, I disagree....enough damage has been done to this girl, going to HR escalates it, and could come back to haunt Sophie by branding her as a troublemaker. The gal's credibility has already been effectively destroyed. Now, I'd say something different if this gal was stalking you, in which case go to HR so it's recorded and she thinks you are stalking her, then find out how to get a restraining order.

[sarah_ab]

Understandable dill.

I only suggest it, because i let harrasment on hte job go on for six months before i finally did anything about it, and as a result HR accused me of making itup, otherwise 'why would i let it go on so long.'

but i do understand what you are saying.

'

[DavidMW]

Understandable dill.

I only suggest it, because i let harrasment on hte job go on for six months before i finally did anything about it, and as a result HR accused me of making itup, otherwise 'why would i let it go on so long.'

but i do understand what you are saying.

'

It's actually not unusual for targets of workplace harrassment to let it go on, just hoping it will end on its own or feeling threatened about their own job.

So I strongly agree with Sarah AB, but if you're not ready for that, at least fully document names, dates, locations, actions, comments that are relevant to this.

Also, the girl's credibility is destroyed only until she shows evidence of some sort, an email or or something else that she may have printed off. After all, it's not like she's lying when she described your interests. It is workplace harrassment for her to be talking about such things about you. But the fact is, it's also workplace harrassment to falsely characterize a co-worker in some negative way, too, such as painting her to be a liar. You don't get to fight inappropriate workplace behavior with more inappropriate workplace behavior

[diaperwearntigger]

My hubby/daddy was in the same situation as yours. That is, his ex gf, told EVERYONE he knew about his diapers etc, because he broke up with her. She held the diapers over him for nearly 2 years before he finally broke up with her. She said that if he every broke up with her, she would tell everyone about them. With my encouragement, we were friends at the time, he finally kicked her ass to the curb... a little too late in my opinion, but anyways....so he broke up with her, and sure enough... everyone knew.. his parents, his sister, his best friend of over 20 years, other friends, neighbors..... it was a hard time for him to get through, but he managed. Funny thing is, it kind of turned out like your situation....no one really believed her, they thought she had lost it, because of her credibility before this.. No one... and I mean NO ONE, liked her...they were actually more glad to see him break up with her, than they cared about her rumors.... one friend even said...hey, whatever goes on in your house is your own business, I could care less.... My daddy/hubby did not lose any friends over this, instead they alll turned against her even more....

Its a tough call, I agree with Sarah, but then I agree with Dill... I have even thought about what I would do in this situation, and knowing how I am, I probably would let it go, without report, however, I most likely would document it myself. This way if the subject does arrive again, then I would go to HR, and be able to show my documentation. I would say on this such and such a date, this coworker came to me and told me that so and so is spreading rumors about me wearing diapers, or whatever she has said. Maybe even have the coworker who confronted you read it and sign it.

I hate confrontation, so I probably would hope that it would just clear the air. Most likley it will, esp if she sees that no one has stopped talking to you. But most definitely I would document it.

[Sophie ♥]

I didn't expect all the assistance... and oddly enough my anxiety level is up. Six long, descriptive posts, all with extremely valid arguments, that i have to explain my personal views on. I have a feeling it'll take a while... but i'm going to do my best to keep it short. I dont want Mommy passing out on me again because i'm not talking as much as i usually do.

Firstly, underwhere... i'm actually rather thankful there's not much to. Nothing really requires a response, except thanks for informing me that broadened is a word, and thank you for suggesting writing. I do write a lot. It's actually very hard to keep my mind focused on a particular writing experience though, because if my mood changes, I can't continue. An example... my Abby story. I can only write it when i'm in a content or formal mood. I cant extend it when i'm excited or energized or miserable or upset or angry or anything. That's why i usually write it at six in the morning after staying up all night. Most of the negative or positive energies drain out of me as the night progresses, and even though i'm not actually tired, i do fall into a content state. That's also why I usually just post my emotions on the board... i dont have to continue them. It's just one post, then it's over. If someone replies to it, i can always manage to summon up whatever emotion i need to write back. It's easier when communicating with humans. But dealing with this sort of thing on my own is too complicated to wrap my mind around. Hence the reason my first post ended up turning into more of a journal entry to me... and when i realized it would be read by everyone i was like "oh crap... sorry".

Secondly, Sarah's first post. I'm not exactly saying i WILL take revenge on her... but trust me, i'm contemplating. But i know how revenge is. I know it wont help. I never sought it out before either, but now that i hate someone i have a distinct urge to ruin their life. Although I completely adore the idea of a restraining order or a lawsuit or something else for her to bitch about to all her other "friends", i dont exactly understand what she's doing that's illigal. Perhaps i'm not in tune enough with the law... or perhaps i'm overlooking something i stated... or perhaps i misworded something... or perhaps i'm passive.

Third. Dill. Okay, please tell me how she's been damaged enough. I dont agree at all. She hasn't been damaged enough. She deserves worse, and if i can give her worse, i will do my best. As for being branded as a troublemaker... i highly doubt it would happen. I know how i act... how people see me... how i'm always nice to everyone, how i do my best to be friendly... and i know how everyone sees her... how she causes trouble... how she complains... and they all know she liked me at one point, if not still. If i were to complain to a supervisor or whatever, everyone in the entire workplace would understand that she'd gone overboard... that i did absolutely everything I could to get her to stop, and that i finally couldn't handle it. A final comment, about her credibility being destroyed. There are... i'd say about 10 people she'd tell (since the person i heard it from wasn't even good friends with her) and knowing those 10, perhaps a total of 30 people have heard the rumor. Just because I told one person, a person who commonly keeps out of others business and unless the topic was brought up otherwise he wouldn't say a word of what I had told him, it does not mean it will become a workplace-wide scandal that she's been lying. And although her credibility is far lower than my own, not everyone has heard my side of the story... they have no comparisons.

Four, i think i'm on. That's like halfway done. Okay, so... Sarah's second post. There's not much to say here, thankfully. Just that I dont like getting formal about things. I dont know if i really want to inform the board, because technically it would be a lie to say i didn't like the stuff she said i liked. And i dont like lying... it's tragic that i dont like people knowing my personal desires even more.

Five. One i've been dying to comment on. I dont THINK she has emails or IMs or anything like that she can print off... and nothing i could fake as a forgery if she finally did. I am like 95% sure i've kept pictures out of the equation, probably the only thing i can't get out of. But I do agree that since I lied about not liking the stuff to begin with, i perhaps may be just as guilty as she was. And trust me, in the millisecond I had before my coworker began talking about it more in depth, i weighed every single pro and con in my head whether it would really be that bad if people knew. The cons won. I lied. I hate lying.

Six. Tigger, your story helped me SO MUCH!! You have no idea. It made me feel a lot better about the anxiety that built up from David's post... because the idea of her having a picture of me scares me to death. Mommy says I didn't give her one though so i'm confident. Anyway, thank you for sharing that story. It really helped me calm down.

I concluded the following. Tomorrow i work, and i am going to use the day to discredit this girl as much as i possibly can. Same for Tuesday. If worse comes to worse... i've decided that i can easily quit. It's a terrible job to begin with... perhaps i'll see if Mommy and I can work together. That'd be a nice change.

Thank you all for your responses. Keep up the comments, i'll keep you all posted.

-Sophie

[sarah_ab]

Harassment in the work place may not be 'illegal' but almost every major company has a harassment policy. Sexual harassment IS illegal, and her telling people you enjoy diapers and baby stuff COULD be construed as sexual harassment as many people look on this as a sexual fetish, whether it is for you or not. As for you telling your co-workers what she said is a lie, that is not illegal, you were put in an extremely embarassing situation and there is no need for you to confirm or deny what she said. If you speak with someone at human resources all YOU have to do is explain to them what is being said and how you feel you are being harassed. They cannot even legally ask you if what she said was true or not. Think of it this way, if the two of you had slept together then broke up and she went to work telling everoyne you like a giant dildo up your bum. It may be true, but its sexual harassment for her to tell everyone that at work.

By going to human resources you are bypassing a direct confrontation with her, as you do not have to face your accuser. Human resources will meet with her and discuss a complaint. By law they cannot even tell her who complained or what was said, as that would name you.

If by going to human resources people begin to treat you differently, there is protection from retribution. It is illegal to discriminate against a person who made a complaint against a co-worker.

Labor and Industries is the state organization (although it may have slightly different names depending on the state) that you can go to if you feel you are being treated unfairly, or being subjected to discrimination as a result of you going to human resources.

I definitely feel you need to doccument everything. I did that, and although it did not help when i went to human resources, i wrote a letter to the vice president of us opperations at my old company detailing what i had been through and what human resources had said to me, and he called me the day he recieved the letter to meet with me. I brought in documentation of dates, times, what was said, by whom, and who i went to, the next day FIVE people were gone from the company, including three human resources people.

Now dont get me wrong, i'm not saying you would ever need to take it that far, i worked at a very corrupt company in a very small town. I'm guessing if you go to HR andjust tell them whats going on, they will talk with the girl, and if warrented take disciplinary action against her.

I only suggest HR because this girl obvious does not care about work place ethics, and sometimes its best to nip it in the butt, and going to HR is about the most non confrontational way to handle the situation as possible, and it is important you let this girl know you are not going to put up with her behavior.

I didn't mean to say going to HR was a form of revenge, far from it, it is the professional, responsible thing to do when someone is obviously being harassed in the work place. I meant that by making the formal complaint, it might help any feelings of revenge you are having towards her.

Do not let yourself brought down to her level. Im guessing this girl never suspects you would actually go to HR and tell them what is happening. As i said, you do not need to confirm or deny the accusations she mentioned, only that they were made and that co workers approached you about them.

but whatever you decide to do, know that you can always talk about it with us, as you can tell we are all worried and want this to work out for you.

[Sophie ♥]

I think i may tell her my plan of action. She's not smart enough to know all this on her own... and i dont think she can afford losing her job right now. If perhaps i tell her what i intend to do, if i tell her the consequences that could occur if she doesn't stop spreading these rumors, she'll cut it out. The worst thing that could happen is that she doesn't stop, and i follow through with the original plan.

Those in favor?

Those against?

-Sophie

[sarah_ab]

I say that sounds like a good idea. as long as you tell her calmly and collectedly (new word) that if she doesn't stop you will goto HR, then walk away. Just dont let her goad you into saying anything that could give her her own reason for going to HR.

its sounds like a reasonable responsible way to deal with the situation. I really hope it works for you too!

[Sophie ♥]

I'm not the type to allow confrontations like this one to affect my posture. I'll manage telling her calmly.

-Sophie

[LittlePinkSissyLisa]

Firstly Baby Sophie may I compliment you on your excellent post. It is insightful, well thought out very eloquently put and shows you are some one that thinks about things a lot. I admire that in a person.

I want to deal with the issue of this girl you work with and I very very strongly agree with Sarah's advice. You are being harrassed and bullied in the workplace and it should not be either tolerated by the company, nor should you have to deal with it . I have been a life long trade unionist and I have been a shop steward (union workplace representative) . You don't say you are in a union in your job. But if you are, I would very strongly advice you to approach your shop steward in confidence to raise this issue immediatedly with him/her.

Also companies are obligated in law to provide every employee with a safe working environment which includes you being free from any hassles, stress or harrassement. Let me make it quite clear to you, her action would warrent an immediate dismissal. Factors such as her previous record, level of harrassment and seriousness of the harrassement are factors that are taken into consideration when an employee is being disciplined. Wheter or not the stories she is spreading about you have any validity in fact bears no relevance to the situation. Your private life is your own business and has absolutely no place in the workplace. Really and truly if I was her shop steward I would strongly advice (with your consent) her to cease the rumours and to apologise to you. Failing that I would as her shop steward (with your consent) advice her that if she does not take action to redress the situation and to rectify it with you, I would be suggesting I was advicing you to take the issue further. If that does not put an end to the situation I would not hesitate in advicing you to report the incident immediatedly to management.

I very sincerely hope this situation resolves itself to your complete satisfaction, but to be perfectly honest Baby Sophie this girl deserves some kind of serious workplace discipline. Your company should have a procudere in place where you can process a grievance (as this is what your complaint would be called). This procudere should be found in your staff handbook. Lastly management should take this grievance extremely serious too.

[Sophie ♥]

I am still so completley astonished how people seem to admire my qualities. This is the first girl I hate... and i'm being praised for how i've handled it, how i've thought through it... it amazes me beyond belief. I never knew i was so admirable. When i started this thread i expected criticism on my cynicism.

Moving on. Lisa. Your intro made me feel very special! Thank you. You've also increased my confidence in telling someone about this. I dont want anything to get out of hand any more than it already has. Yes, i have a union, by the way. Tragically i happen to work as the most low-key position in most of the United States. Getting fired is actually a chore. People have gone days, weeks, and recently one person has gone one whole month without calling in and skipped every day of work... and they dont get fired. No one complains about anything, even if things are rough. To top it off, the workers are tight. People develop relationships at work, as well as destroy them, have their own cliques of friends, socialize more between themselves than the job technically permits. It's rather irritating. And it makes me wonder where to even locate this HR. I've never even heard of it before today, and i usually read the newsletters.

But if my plan fails, regarding the calm confrontation... i'm going to find HR and end it.

-Sophie

[sarah_ab]

as i dont know what sort of company you work for, and i would never ask, that can get kinda creapy you know.. so where do you live, where do you work, whats your social security number and mothers maiden name? type questions... but anyway, lots of times in the break room, where all those notices that are required by law are posted there is somewhere posted a 1800 24hour hotline for any employee to call.

Or, look up your company on the internet and find where their corporate headquarters are, andcall the general number and ask to be connected to human resources and then let them know you are having an issue in your local store/center etc.. and there was no information posted on how to contact local HR...

It shouldn't be to hard if you google your comapny and call the main contact number to get connected to HR.

[LittlePinkSissyLisa]

I am still so completley astonished how people seem to admire my qualities. This is the first girl I hate... and i'm being praised for how i've handled it, how i've thought through it... it amazes me beyond belief. I never knew i was so admirable. When i started this thread i expected criticism on my cynicism.

Moving on. Lisa. Your intro made me feel very special! Thank you. You've also increased my confidence in telling someone about this. I dont want anything to get out of hand any more than it already has. Yes, i have a union, by the way. Tragically i happen to work as the most low-key position in most of the United States. Getting fired is actually a chore. People have gone days, weeks, and recently one person has gone one whole month without calling in and skipped every day of work... and they dont get fired. No one complains about anything, even if things are rough. To top it off, the workers are tight. People develop relationships at work, as well as destroy them, have their own cliques of friends, socialize more between themselves than the job technically permits. It's rather irritating. And it makes me wonder where to even locate this HR. I've never even heard of it before today, and i usually read the newsletters.

But if my plan fails, regarding the calm confrontation... i'm going to find HR and end it.

-Sophie

Good girl Sophie, I really and truly hope it gets resolved. I am sorry to hear things are so slack in your job, but please don't ever feel you are own your own. Just remember this, bullies thrive on secrecy. She will sh*t herself if she learns you will take it further. And if it really gets to you I would implore you to ring your Union to seek advice. Please don't feel you are left alone to deal with it.

Do'nt let hate consume you it is such a negative energy, you are far more optimistic and focus on being proud of who you are. She seems to be pitied more than hated.

Lots and lots of Love,

Lisa.

[Lost_Little_Sarah]

ya listen to lisa about that when you let hate consume you you become bitter and angry at the world in general and then you get to be liek me and you dont want to be like me.

[underwhere]

I just have to add, along with everything everybody else has added already, that this sounds like a situation that would probably get worse with a direct confrontation than better. Whether she were to call your bluff or not when you mention you will take this further, she is not likely to act more friendly toward you. Quite to the contrary, I suspect she would act more problematic. When people feel threatened, they may do things out of desperation. In the case of somebody harassing you, you should probably expect that harassment to get worse if you try to resolve it directly in a confrontational fashion. I'm guessing you'd be far better served by either:

• ignoring her, which may or may not cause this behavior to stop (my guess is that it would not stop)
• going to HR and filing a grievance
• going to your union rep and filing a grievance (many unions have such policies)
• going to your union rep and asking for assistance in filing a grievance at the company level

It is possible that if you go to the union, they will wind up going to HR on your behalf which would create a longer paper trail for you to follow. The longer that paper trail, the more likely action will be taken. Part of the advantage with working with a union is that they are supposed to go to bat for you any time you have a workplace issue, whether it is with the company or another union member. Keep in mind, also, that it is not in the union's best interest to have bad people working in the union. They are just as likely to want her out as you do, because it doesn't look good on their union to have people misbehaving like that.

Keep us all posted. I hope it works out well for you regardless of what you choose to do, and I hope youi make the right choice for you, whatever choice that might be.

[Sophie ♥]

Lets see. Where to start.

Firstly, Sarah, i'm pretty sure i could find that hotline if i needed it... and there are a billion posters and flyers in the break room... so chances are i can look there. Plus i always have google, as mentioned, if the flyers get too hectic.

Lisa, I'm not going to state that the fact our management is leaniant is a bad thing... because there have been days where i dont call in and i dont go to work... and i enjoy that i dont get fired over it. But even though there are a lot of close ties in our workplace, we usually all get along and arguments like this one are very rare.

I also will not become consumed by hate or be bitter or anything like that. I dont think i could be bitter if i tried. Even though i feel more balanced out by hate entering my emotional spectrum, the "love" side is outweighing it. Dont worry, i dont think i am going to change anytime soon.

Lastly, underwhere, i think i will confront her. I fully understand what you're saying, but i know things wont get worse... because I think i'm currently at "worst". I'd rather make her stop without filing paperwork and all... so that's why i'm going to give her the chance. If she hates me forever, then so be it. I dont really care. I just want her to shut up. If she doesn't call my bluff... she'll pay for it. But i dont think it's worth all the effort of going through HR and all if i can just throw out a threat and make her stop. Of course there's no guarentee... but today my intention is to get as many people in the workplace to oppose that girl, destroy her credibility, and favor my side of the story, which even though it isn't true, it's a lot more plausable.

-Sophie

[Lost_Little_Sarah]

no need to sophie bu tthanks anyway

[Sophie ♥]

Apparently we dont work together this week. Darn it. I had my lines prepared and everything. Also my friend that doesn't like her either isn't working with me this week. It was a really upsetting twist.

-Sophie

[sarah_ab]

it could be good or bad sophie.. maybe during this week the whole thing will blow over....or if it gets worse, it just gives you more fuel for hte fire so to speak for if u do go to HR.. if she continues the behavior for more than two weeks it is grounds for dismissal.

[Sophie ♥]

I doubt this begun when i started this thread. It's just the first time i got official word of it.

I am sort of releaved that i get a week without having to deal with any of this though. And i'm hitting an amusement park with Mommy next week. I dont wanna be all sulk-ish for that.

Which leads me to a few side comments.

Mommy thinks i should wear a diaper to the amusement park... good idea? Not?

Also, has anyone else had the tropical smarties? The new ones? I dont think i like them...

And lastly, I just got a new book. I finished Breaking Dawn, got bored... and it was between To Kill A Mockingbird or The Time Machine. The Time Machine was cheaper... and yeah, i know, i can't believe i haven't read To Kill A Mockingbird yet either. But I will. Probably after this book.

-Sophie