Favourite Joke?

[Baby Bethany]

This is one of my favourites. Some of you may have heard it before though.

There is an old couple named Burt and Mary. They have been married for over 50 years and then one day Burt dies. Mary is so lonely without him that she decides to visit a Medium, in order that she can make contact with Burt on the other side......she just wants to make sure he is okay!

One day she finally makes contact with Burt, the conversation goes like this.

B: Mary, Mary, this is Burt. Can you hear me darling?

M: Yes Burt, I can. It's so wonderful to hear from you. What is it like on the other side?

B: Oh Mary, it's wonderful.

I've been having such a great time. Take today for instance. I woke up and had sex twice before breakfast. Then after a tasty breakfast I went out for a run in the countryside. I then came back and had sex again before lunch. Had a great lunch, then a lay in the sun followed by more sex. After that I had a couple of hours on the golf course, followed by a delicious fresh dinner and a drink. Then just before bed I had sex three more times before turning in.

M: Oh Burt, it all sounds wonderful. I can't wait to join you in Heaven!

B: Heaven? Who mentioned Heaven?

I'm a rabbit in Sussex!

(Sussex, English County)

[Repaid1]

Try this link:

http://www.dailydiapers.com/board/index.ph...521&hl=joke

[lynniehyde]

A man dies and finds himself in Hell. Satan walks up and welcomes him. The man takes a look around and says, "Wow, this place is alright. Not at all what I expected." Satan says, "Well, all the negative publicity by "His Worship" over the centuries, has kind of put a dark image on the place. Now, how may I help you? We have many daily activities here. All mandatory."

"Like what?", the man asks. "Wellll, let's see. Do you gamble?", the devil asks. "Sure, I love blackjack.", the man replies. "Great.", the devil replies. "On Monday nights, we have our "Las Vegas Experience" extravaganza. Do you drink?", the devil continues. "Like a fish.", the man replies. "Well, on Tuesday nights we have our "drink till you drop" nights.", the devil says. He continues further. "Do you watch porn, by any chance?" "Whenever I get the chance.", the man returns, starting to wonder if he was really in Hell. "Splendid!", the devil replies. " On Wednesday, we feature our 'Porn Potpourri' ". This is too much, the man thinks. "Are you into whoring about? We have our Thursday night 'MingeFest' on tap, for your enjoyment.", the devil adds. The man breaks into a huge smile. Then the devil asks, leering,"Ummm, are you Gay?" "No!", the man emphatically replies. The devil shakes his head and says, sighing, "Well, I'm afraid you won't much like the weekends, then..."

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[Baby Bethany]

There are two old bums called John and Andy, they are walking along the street together and John starts sniffing the air and holding his nose!

(John) Andy, can you smell that, it smells like shit!

(Andy) No, I can't smell anything.

(John) Poooo, there really is a strong smell of shit. Andy, have you shit yourself?

(Andy) Noooo, why the hell would I do that. Don't be silly!

John keeps crinkling his nose as they walk along the street together.

(John) I can still smell shit Andy, and it's coming from you. I think you have shit yourself!

(Andy) Look, let's go down this alley and I'll pull down my pants to show you!

They walk down the alley and Andy pulls down his pants. His underwear is full of foul smelling shit!

(John) See, see I was right, you have shit yourself!

(Andy) No I didn't.......these pants were like this when I found them!

[curious]

I just heard this one on Regis and Kelly but it cracked me up...

Q: What did the Zero say to the 8?

A: Nice belt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ROFL! OMG! I dunno why it cracked me up so bad but I LOVED IT! hahahahha

[babyfur]

An old man was in church one sunday and suddenly the devil walked in. Everyone else ran except for the old man. The devil was confused and went over to the old man. "don't you know who I am?" he asked The old man replied calmly, "Yep I do." The devil then asked "And you aren't scared!?" "Nope I'm not." the old man replied just as calmly. "Why the hell not?" The devil demanded. The old man looked the devil in the eye and said "Hell I've been married to your sister for 40 years you think I'm scared of you?"

[Baby Bethany]

I just heard this one on Regis and Kelly but it cracked me up...

Q: What did the Zero say to the 8?

A: Nice belt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ROFL! OMG! I dunno why it cracked me up so bad but I LOVED IT! hahahahha

That's the best joke you've come out with since you said the Browns are not the best football team in Ohio!

(Only joking with yah Curious girl, go easy on me, lol!!!!)

Beth

[Baby Bethany]

There are two bears having sex in the woods. A squirrel in the tree above looks down and sees the boy bear screwing away like anything. So just out of mischief he gets his acorn and throws it at the girl bears arse!

Ouuuuucccchhhh!!!! She cries out!

The boy bear still screwing away says "That's right, you take it bitch!"

[Baby Bethany]

A guy goes on a visit to Spain, and whilst there goes to see some bull fighting. After the event he is feeling hungry, so he goes into the restaurant next to the arena.

He asks the waiter what the local delicacy is? "Bulls balls, peas and fries" replies the waiter. "That sounds disgusting" says the tourist, "I don't want that!"

"Oh, no" says the waiter "It is very delicious. It is made from the balls of the freshly killed bull from the arena. Try it, if you don't like it you don't pay senor"

So the tourist orders a plate of bulls balls peas and fries. It turns out to be delicious, the tourist eats every mouthful. "Well" says the waiter "what did senor think?" The tourist gets out his money to pay "absolutely delicious, the best thing I've ever tasted".

So the next night the tourist goes back and orders the same meal. He can't get enough of it, night after night he goes back. Until the last night of his visit to Spain he decides to have one more plate of bulls balls peas and fries. "Well senor" says the waiter "was the meal up to your usual expectation?" The tourist looks at the empty plate and says "Yes, but just one complaint. The balls were a bit on the small side, you know compared to usual."

"Ahhh" says the waiter. "This is the problem with bull fighting, it's not always the bull that dies!"

[tommee]

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar.

...

I know it's awful, but it's because it's awful it's my favourite joke!

[babytomout]

A limo driver stops at a church to pick up the Pope, he opens the door and lets him in the back. About ten minets into the trip the pope roles down the divider window and seas to his driver " i have all ways wonted to drive one of these" so the driver seas "i don't see a problem with that" so they poll over ant swap places...

About twenty minets later the pope sees flaching lights behind him so he eases over to the side of the road and rolles down the window...

just then a young cop walkes up to the window and is shocked to see the pope at the weel...

so he goes back to his car to call in the speeding Pope

He see to his Sargent Ser do we right tickets to hirer oficales , and his Sarg ask is he a Cop?

well No

Is he the Mayer

Well no

Is he the President

Well no

Well who the hell is he Son

Well i Don't Know But the Pope is His Driver!!!!