Do We All Need This?

[GTKG]

For a long time I could not understand why it was that I was attracted to diapers, both sexually and as an emotional coping mechanism, but I accepted it as part of who I was, and didn't ever expect that to change. A recent realization though, has made me question whether or not I really need this, and whether or not this was actually healthy. I wanted to post here in order to open up a discussion, in a way that I have not seen done here or elsewhere.

Before I go further I want to say that I'm talking only from my point of view, and I don't claim to speak for anyone else, nor do I believe that wearing diapers is inherently unhealthy (and its definitely not immoral). I've also never felt ashamed of this fetish, (though, I admit, I have never told anyone else, for fear that it would change the way they interpreted my actions).

I am a very physical person; along with being a tactile learner I crave things which involve physical contact, especially with other people. I love sports which involve sustained contact and require a great deal of physical activity (soccer being my favorite). In relationships I crave cuddling as much as sex, and have little interest in non-contact sex such as blow-jobs or whatever. I am a musician, but do not enjoy instruments that are light and easy to play, preferring the bass instruments, which require a great deal of force to play.

What does this have to do with diapers? There are two answers. First, one of the things that attracts many of us to diapers is the comforting feeling of the bulk pressing against our groins and pressing against us. We like to feel the diaper; the thickness, the tightness, the wetness, etc. I am beginning to believe that my need for physical stimulation (I mean this in a non-sexual way), is one of the key factors in my desire to wear and use diapers.

Second, while my family always supported and loved me both through words and actions, I don't think my parents gave me as many hugs, kisses, or whatever that I needed (I don't think this is through any fault of their own, because I believe I need a great deal more than most). While my family hugs when we first see each other, and my mother always landed a peck on my forehead before bedtime, we don't tend to come into contact with one another, and when we do its often by mistake. I doubt that most families are very different, but I think I needed more physical attention than I got.

While I think this is overly simplistic, I think that no small part of my fetish has to do with a need for intense physical stimulation (again, non-sexual), plus the fact that I didn't get enough of it at a key point in my childhood.

Those who are still reading may have noticed my insistence on non-sexual factors, yet I do have a sexual attraction to diapers. The reason I have done this is because I don't think that diapers are inherently sexual to me, but became sexual when I hit puberty; I had my first sexual experience, completely by accident, in diapers. After this I began experimenting and as such diapers became sexual. I then found the internet and began reading stories about people wearing diapers, these fueled my fantasies, and while at first I was either uninterested or disgusted by elements of the stories (sissy being an example of the later, pooping of the former) they were associated with the exciting bits (people wearing diapers) and then became part of my own fantasies and actions.

This is getting way too long, so I'll try and come to my point. Though this is of course not true for all, or even most AB/DLs, it might not be a bad idea for some of us to look into what it is that attracts us to diapers and whether there may be other, more healthy ways of dealing with whatever problems we might have. I feel like diapers can become like a theraputic drug; some of us need them to cope with life, and some of us need them only for a short time so we can figure out how to fix things. Like drugs, though, they can be abused and be used as a crutch so we don't have to deal with issues we don't want to deal with. The issue arrises when diapers become more than an emotional stabiliser and start taking over your sex life and skewing your relationships with others.

If not all of this does not seem fully thought out, it is partly because I had to condense a lot of stuff (surprising I know considering...)

[Guest]

You mentioned your family's lack of hugs. It's sad, but I've gotten more hugs from people whom were almost strangers than I ever have from my blood relatives.

[storey]

I will probably post again later once I have had time to really think about what you've written, but for now I want to comment on the hugging comment. For me, I had way too much interaction with my parents. It's the interaction with my husband that I don't get. He always wants me to initiate it (ie. hug, kisses, etc.) Maybe it's just me, but I don't want to have to "ask" for a hug from my husband.

[GTKG]

One thing I think I should clarify, is that the lack of hugs and kisses is equally, but not more, important than my need for intense physical interaction. I also didn't play in very physical ways for a while (mom was always talking about not going to the emergency room). I remember I always used to love it when my uncle came because he would pick me up and fly me around, or would throw me (not very far of course but it felt intense at the time) when we went to the pool. So it wasn't just the hugs and physical intimacy so much as that I didn't grow up with enough sensory input.

(I've been doing research into Sensory Integration Disorder, and though not all of it fits-I think of all these things as being on a spectrum anyway-I've found it very interesting, and would suggest it to anyone who still feels hypersensitive or understimulated).

[jessm5]

GTKG, interesting read!

I'm with you on being curious about what it is about diapers that makes them so damn irresistible. I also agree with your comments about always liking diapers and it becoming sexual at puberty.

However, I do have differing theories which I will offer as food for thought. From your post it sounds like your explanation for why you like diapers is based on an unmet psychological need. Would you agree? To tell the truth, I haven't really considered it that way. Instead, I've been focusing on the question from a more biological standpoint. I tend to believe that something happened early in our development that caused us to enjoy diapers and we became hard-wired from that point on. Perhaps as infants our pleasure receptors were inadvertently stimulated by diapers at the same time they were developing and that caused our minds to link pleasure with diapers. Or perhaps we were naturally inclined to have a fetish and it just so happens that diapers came along at the right time.

Obviously our biology affects our psychology and vice versa so it's possible we're both right. But I wanted to bring up this point, because if liking diapers "is in our blood" as I am implying, diaper's aren't substituting for something else that's missing in our lives.

Regardless of whether it's biological or psychological, I agree that we don't have to be slaves to our desires. I would argue that it's tougher to give up the desires than you indicated, but it's still up to everyone whether or not they act on them. The key is balance.... balance.... balance. Indulge when you want to, and don't when you don't want to.

Anyways, I will keep thinking about your post and if I have any more thoughts, I will be glad to share.

[Cid]

I would agree that the ‘need’ to do this for emotional comfort is like, at least in most case, a way of avoiding dealing with a deep lying issue. Personally I have spent some time trying to work out what it was that triggered this so that I could then work on getting over that, however I tend to find doing this intensely up setting and often puts me in a extremely bad (and sometimes a little destructive) mood for a few days. As such I have stopped trying to work it out, or I have tried to stop trying, as I finger as long as the rest of my life is going well and I still enjoy this side of my self why try to stop. Well there still is some reason but on balance I choose not to, or at least I like to think I do.

As for it being biological, I am very unsure about that as there does not seem to be any logical way the normal development of the brain and personality would explain this. I guess there is a possibility that the sexual side of it may be, in part, biological liked but the emotional and sexual needs for this are quite possibly largely different in nature so I are not sure how relevant it is to discus them as one.

I do think that the absents of (physical) affection, to meet our desired, could like it could be a possible reason behind all of this.

[diaperwearntigger]

I think for myself I have stop trying long ago to figure out the "Why" behind my wearing of diapers, but I have found for myself the longer I am into the scene the less I really need the diapers.

I do consider myself AB and don't get me wrong, those overwhelming feelings come at the worse times and to the extreme where I feel if I don't get any baby time at all I'm going to explode. However, when I first started into the scene in 2002, it seemed like I couldn't get enough of diapers. I wore every day after work and all weekend. I think my main wearing is due to stress. I was teaching preschool to 22, 4 year olds, and it was a very stressful job, so my relaxation was my diapers and paci, but as the years have gone by I find my need for diapers and paci less and less. I think its mainly because my life right now isn't stressed like it use to be. I am anxious to see how my diaper wearing habits are next school year when I hopefully get my first full time teaching position in a public school (I just graduated in December with my education degree). But I do feel that my interests lie in different areas now. I am married now, to my DL daddy who I met online 4 yrs ago, I have 2 siberian huskies who are my "boys" and take up a lot of my time, we hang out with friends almost every weekend, I have a 13 yr old stepson (who we are seeking custody of). It seems since my life is more busy and focused on other areas that I don't seem to need diapers as much as I use to. And maybe thats why so many people are obsessed with their diapers because they are unable to fullfill their void in their lives with other things. Its just a thought and just an opinion, and maybe because I was once there too. When I was heavily into the diaper scene, I lived alone, in a city, far away from family, I had friends but they were all married with kids, my social life wasn't much to brag about, my life was basically work... so I really didn't have anything else in my life than my diapers.

I do disagree though on the whole hugs etc.... if anything my family was overly huggable, kissable, etc. We never went anywhere without being hugged, kissed, and told "I love you" growing up or to this day. My relationship with my family was very loving and affectionate and still is today as an adult, however, I look at my husband's relationship with his family and its not so affectionate.

I think that our love for diapers comes from a very early age, its just that sometimes it doesn't come out fully until we are older, like it did for me, but I can look back on my childhood and see sooooo many triggers and relationship to diapers that I never knew or understood or even remembered until I got involved into the ABDL scene myself. I think it is something that happens to us that triggers our love for diapers. For mine, I really don't know what it was, I just remember being fixated on diapers at an early age. For my husband his was being punished with diapers.

I believe everyone's story is different. Everyone's story is unique. We are all into diapers but for different reason and we all have come into diapers for a different reason. I enjoy listening to other's stories of how they came into diapers, but I hate talking about mine, maybe cause I have been asked that question so many times from HNG lol

All of this to say is that you are unique and your situation and your why and whatever is unique. We do have things similar in our "whys," but if you really take the time to get to know others on a more personal level you will realize that all our "whys" are so different from each others. I guess I think of ourselves as snowflakes.... no two situations are the same. And maybe thats why it makes the community so special. We have one thing in common diapers, but our reasoning behind it is so different from each other.

[GTKG]

jessm5- I find it hard to believe that loving diapers is "in our blood"--diapers are not something natural, but a way of containing mess, and so there can't be a genetic component. Where I do agree is that we might have some way in which we are predisposed to desire/take pleasure in something that work/feel/are like diapers. In terms of us being hard-wired for the rest of our lives, I'm skeptical. That does not mean that I think anyone, once they figure out what it is diapers provide, can simply walk away and never use them again. I do think, though, that once someone overcomes the fundamental hole that diapers fill, they can wean themselves from diapers and maybe find something which fufills the need better than diapers can. Like I said before, I think that-at least for me-diapers are a coping mechanism so that I could still function without having to deal with the underlying need. Now that I am in a place to understand this underlying need, I think I might be able to find a way to spend most of my life diaper free; coming back every once in a while when I become overwhelmed.

Cid- It took me a lot of thinking and working things out -in a way that had nothing to do with diapers- for me to figure this all out (I'm still working on it). I really stumbled on this by accident while working out other issues.

Diaperwearingtigger-First off I totally agree with the notion that no two people here like diapers for the same reasons, but I wanted to open a discussion so that those who are in a similar situation might think about things in a different way. For instance, you talked about how stress increases your desire for diapers; I've never found this to be true for me. I do think, though, that isolation has something to do with it for me. When I'm not seeing friends enough, and especially when I'm in between girlfriends (as I am now), I've gotten the desire more strongly than before. In terms of the hugs and kisses thing, I think that was just something personal on my front-I needed more. I don't mean to say that anyone in a non-huggs and kisses family is going to have a tendency towards infantalism.

[belinda_sue_fox]

Errrr

In relationships I crave cuddling as much as sex, and have little interest in non-contact sex such as blow-jobs or whatever.

a blow job is non contact??? erm i think your doing it wrong blowing on someone isn't a blow job!!!!

And why do we need to have a problem? i don't use diapers as a way of dealing with any problem.

[diaperwearntigger]

And why do we need to have a problem? i don't use diapers as a way of dealing with any problem.

See thats where you are wrong Bel... YOU are the problem... lol... JK!!!

[diaperwearntigger]

Diaperwearntigger- In terms of the hugs and kisses thing, I think that was just something personal on my front-I needed more. I don't mean to say that anyone in a non-huggs and kisses family is going to have a tendency towards infantalism.

I wasn't infering that you were saying that, and I apologize if it did. I was just stating that here we are both in diapers, but one got the affection and the other one didn't, yet we are both into the same thing. I guess I was just trying to show my point that we are all different. Maybe I got too much affection? lol... however, I do find it hard at times to be affectionate to my husband. I think part of my problem is that before I was into the scene I was very promiscuous, but it seemed that once I got into the scene that changed.. no pun intended... I personally think diapers saved me from a distructive life. I do find diapers and the baby/daddy play to be sexual though... its weird.... something I wish I understood more.

[belinda_sue_fox]

See thats where you are wrong Bel... YOU are the problem... lol... JK!!!

[GTKG]

Errrr

In relationships I crave cuddling as much as sex, and have little interest in non-contact sex such as blow-jobs or whatever.

a blow job is non contact??? erm i think your doing it wrong blowing on someone isn't a blow job!!!!

And why do we need to have a problem? i don't use diapers as a way of dealing with any problem.

You're right, non-contact was not the right word (you did bring a smile to my face when I thought of someone taking the phrase "blow-job" literally). What I meant was that it doesn't involve full body contact, contrary to missionary position. I also don't mean to suggest that anyone in diapers automatically has a problem. What I meant is that in my case I think I was/am using diapers as a misplaced coping mechanism, which doesn't help in the long run. I don't think my need for physical stimulation is a problem, but I think the reliance I had on diapers, both emotionally and sexually, is. I think it would be healthier if I were to go to the root of the problem and figure out how to satisfy my needs more fully, as I never quite felt satisfied with diapers, and was always trying to bring it to the next level; often using stories I read as inspiration.

So yes, diapers may be perfectly healthy, and not a cover-up of any problem for many people, but for me I think they are not the best way of dealing with my needs.

[jessm5]

jessm5- I find it hard to believe that loving diapers is "in our blood"--diapers are not something natural, but a way of containing mess, and so there can't be a genetic component. Where I do agree is that we might have some way in which we are predisposed to desire/take pleasure in something that work/feel/are like diapers. In terms of us being hard-wired for the rest of our lives, I'm skeptical. That does not mean that I think anyone, once they figure out what it is diapers provide, can simply walk away and never use them again. I do think, though, that once someone overcomes the fundamental hole that diapers fill, they can wean themselves from diapers and maybe find something which fufills the need better than diapers can. Like I said before, I think that-at least for me-diapers are a coping mechanism so that I could still function without having to deal with the underlying need. Now that I am in a place to understand this underlying need, I think I might be able to find a way to spend most of my life diaper free; coming back every once in a while when I become overwhelmed.

Speaking of not meaning to infer stuff, I didn't mean to infer that I think there is a diaper gene out there (although there is a diaper genie which is something totally different ) All I am speculating is that very early in our childhood development some sort of imprinting occurred so that we came to associate pleasure with diapers and now that that association has been made, it's extremely difficult to disassociate the two.

I guess I look at diapers the same way as being left or right handed. There's nothing you did or didn't do to make you left or right handed, it's just part of who you are. However, just because you have a hand preference doesn't mean that you can only do stuff with your preferred hand. If you are right handed, you can train yourself to write or throw or bat with your left hand, and if you work hard enough at it, you can get pretty good at using your left hand to do those things. It's just that it's not what you feel most comfortable with.

Same with diapers. Some people prefer to wear them, some people don't. (I guess that we're the left handers of society since we're in the minority). With a lot of work it is possible to train yourself to not associate pleasure with them. It's just that it's not what you feel most comfortable with.

Then again, I could be wrong... maybe diapers are indeed a coping mechanism for dealing with an underlying problem. If you can find the problem, address it, and have a more enjoyable life then more power to you! I know you're trying to go diaper free - and I commend you for that if that's what you want - but I would like to hear from you down the road on how your journey is going.

[CDLover]

GTKG,

Great thoughtful post. I believe that my wife would agree with you that my diapers are a coping mechanism for something deeper. I though have not gone there, as I'm not sure where to go with that.

The hugging and contact issue does resonate. I wear thick cloth diapers and I feel "hugged" when I wear them. I'm not sure that this compensates for a lack of hugging when younger, as hugs are waist up, but then our privates are our most personal area and the hugging warm sensation is extremely personal.

The other thing that has been interesting in the threads is how we deal with our diapers during times of stress. For me, whenever I have felt the most stress (going through my divorce, arguments with my wife) the last thing I want to do is wear a diaper. Perhaps this is because I think that this will further the conflict, or perhaps I don't want to share something that is that intimate with her. As I mentioned above, wearing diapers is extremely personal and that I can do this in front of my wife is sharing some thing of the most intimate (private/personal) parts of me. When I am at peace with myself and the world wearing diapers feels like the most natural thing... when all is not well they stay folded on the shelf.

Thanks for launching this.

CDL

[Baby Bethany]

Hi Everyone, I've only just joined this morning, so just a few lines to introduce myself and say hello.

I've liked the idea of dressing in baby things for as long as I can remember, since I was at least about 6 years old, and I was always drawn more to baby girl stuff. Like many of you I went through many years of experimenting, including trying to sqeeze into real baby nappies and making my own. Until I was about 20 I thought I was the only person in the world who felt this way, and I admit that sometimes I felt ashamed because of this. (I know some of you may find this strange, but this was in the days before the net). I actually found out I wasn't alone when I saw a TV show one night that had a piece on AB's. It still took another 10 years or so, to actually start buying real AB clothes, as first I lived with my parents and I wouldn't have anywhere to store them, and then I moved in with my girlfriend for many years (I eventully confided in her, but sadly she didn't try to understand and walked out on me).

I've always found that the baby side is always with me, I'm not 24/7, although I may be out and buy a cute t shirt or something like that. I tend to indulge my baby side a couple of times a week or so (I like to be a girl, Bethany). I find I like it more the more stressed I feel. In my teen years I had lots of stress and was badly bullied at school (I was beaten up on almost a daily basis between the ages of 11 and 14). I come from quite a rough part of London and the schools view was that everyone goes through it. My Dad's view was that I should fight back (his exact words were hit them where they won't show their mother!) On one occasion I did fight back and ended up with a broken cheek bone. This resulted in two of the gang being expelled and the rest of the gang saying I will be stabbed for that.......one day when I'm not expecting it (needless to say, I wasn't).

Like most of us I have quite a stressful job, and I find this a great stress reliever. I've tried various forms of meditation, but I still find being an AB is by far the best. I don't really connect it too much to my sexual side and have never had sex as a baby. I find that I often just snuggle up and fall asleep (a bit boring I know). On the couple of occasions when my wife changed my nappy (she doesn't do it that much, finds it a bit odd) it hasn't led to sex.

I didn't intend to write this much, so will go now......sorry If I bored you! I would luv to hear from other AB's/DL's (genuine only please, no HNG's).

Speak soon

Bethany

[diaperpt]

GTKG, very interesting comments and a wonderful thread to read through and think about! So many good comments from so many.

I suspect there are as many reasons for us liking diapers as there are of us - you've been careful to address what you feel are reasons for your interest without trying to impose those reasons as universal in any sense. It's always interesting to read why one or another of us is motivated to wear. I've given this thought myself and I wish I could really know. I do know my father was gone a lot when I was young and my mother was fairly strict. Later on, I found I felt more in common with girls than with guys - and easier to be friends with girls. While I'm not gay myself, I've found myself around gays...as a freshman in college, I ended up attracted to a group of guys who became friends - and only later did I realize they were gay. In junior high, I found myself attracted to girl's gym suits. this attraction has continued more or less throughout my life. As my first marriage headed south, I was more and more attracted to them and began accumulating several gym suits of my own - then panties, bras, etc. On the one hand, it was a replacement for something missing - on the other hand, it became something on it's own.

Diapers have taken over from gym suits for the most part, but I still have many pair of 'sissy panties' and love to wear a bra while in diapers. Part of the feeling I like is the 'tightness' - gym suits I like had elastic legs, bloomers, etc. Panties have the different feel also.

I also think I like gym suits, panties, diapers, etc partly for the simple reason it is something 'dangerous' - something I'm not supposed to be doing - goes against the grain - if I were caught, it would be devastating and while I lead a very vanilla life, this is one of the few things I do to be 'out there' - does that make any sense to anyone else?

At any rate, it does seem to me that there is some reason why each one of us likes diapers. That doesn't mean it's all some deep psychological childhood thing, but I'm sure for many many of us it is. Many of us can't/won't/don't want to go there and that's fine too. Others may just like wearing for no particular reason at all...

For those who don't care for the introspection, fine. I would encourage and support anyone who wants to, to give some thought to why you like diapers. Whether you decide you need to continue, want to continue or on the other hand need or want to stop - it doesn't matter...I just think it can be helpful to think about it. And I also think it wouldn't be harmful, unless possibly you are in serious need of professional help and dwell on negatives...and in that case...do get some help!

At any rate, thanks again to all who have posted!

diaperpt

[Baby Bethany]

I agree, there seems to be endless reasons why we all enjoy this. I think to try and say it is due to any one thing would be pointless.

I've always struggled with the question of whether I'm actually a crossdresser. This seems a funny question, as on the surface I would say yes, I do wear girls clothes after all. However, I would get nothing from wearing adult female clothes, i.e. skirt, high heels etc. It would be interesting to hear if anyone else feels the same, or if in general AB girls (male) also crossdress in adult clothes (does that make sense?)

Like you diaperpt I've always prefered being with girls than guys, I just click with them easier.

Oh, I have an unrelated question.........what's baby furr mean?

Thanks all

[GTKG]

jessm5-I understand better what you are saying now, and in many ways I agree with you. I think that for most of us the desire to wear diapers is pretty deep rooted, and that, in one way or another, we'll all always be attracted to diapers. I also don't think I plan/expect to quit for good, but I certainly need a good break from them to figure out where I want to go next. The one place I think we differ is that I think the brain is highly malleable; though it may not change fundamentally, it might take a lot of effort, or some radical change in one's life, but I think it can adapt to new situations (in good or bad ways). I don't think I'll ever be rid of diapers, but I think there might be a better way.

CDlover-Its interesting that you don't have any desire to wear when you are stressed. I think I also have a decrease in desire when things are going badly, but I do know that when things are at their best-happy with a girlfriend, music, and friends or whatever-I also don't crave diapers. So I guess that's another thing for me to think about...when things are extreme I don't feel like wearing...

Diaperpt and bethany-Thanks for the posts. I definitely think that our brains/development/bodies are way to complicated to ever be understood fully. I came to this latest epiphany (at least it feels that way now, we'll see if it lasts) only through thinking about various other aspects of my life, and it doesn't explain everything. All the time I spent directly exploring why I have this fetish only ever came up with a big question mark. Anyway, I just figured I'd ride this and see where it goes, and bring others who might benefit from thinking about it with me.