Need Some Advice....

[confused girlfriend]

My boyfriend just recently told me that he is a diaper lover. I'm just starting to learn what that really means. I love him very much so I am totally ok with this, and want to learn more. I guess I just want to know something special I can to to surprise him and let him know that I love him for who he is....no matter what.

[justindiapers]

I'd say for a quick surprise, just buy a pack of Depends. Get the tape on style, not the pullup style. I believe that style is called "Depend Fitted Maximum Protection" now. They're sold in basically all major grocery stores and pharmacies, (at least in the US) and cost about $10-$15 a pack.

The thing is, AB's & DL's have wide ranging desires, and what appeals to one person might be a total turn off to another. So you can't go too deep into this without getting him to tell you what he likes. But since we all like diapers, you can't go wrong with a pack of Depends.

[dldad]

Try doing some research. Find out more about what he is interested in, and then just talk to him. Ask him questions, what it is he likes about diapers, what he is interested in for long term interests, how you are to come into all of this, etc, etc? You can surely come up with many questions of your own. For something like this, an open line of honest communication are indispensible to a lasting relationship.

[DLK]

I think you already have by coming to this site. I really have no advice, except to continue to listen and understand.

DLK

[Guest diapered469]

He would likely love it if you offered to diaper him. Ask him lots of questions (the foremost being how to do it if you are unsure...also whether he likes lotion, powder, etc). Get him taped up and enjoy how much he shows his appreciation.

[:gremlin]

ask him questions. try a diaper and see if you like it. let him help you. do more than one diaper. it takes a few to get the feel for them.

[Angela Bauer]

Dear Confused Girlfriend; Obviously your boyfriend loves you and trusts you very much to reveal such a potentially dangerous secret. For 17 years I have communicated as one born that way woman to other women about all aspects of diaper affectation. Since I reached puberty and became incontinent I have communicated about that.

To help you better, all of us here with advice to share, need to know just a bit more about your situation. First, are both of you single and adults in your country? Second, how long have you been a couple? Do either of you have custody of minor children?

Obviously when a confused girlfriend and she is still a teenager, or her boyfriend is, we need to be super cautious what we suggest. The dynamic are different when an adult man has been romantic with an adult woman for months and then tells her he is a diaper lover as opposed to a guy admitting that to a girlfriend he has only known a few days. On other topics here we have discussed the special situation where an adult who needs diaper also is around children. There are legal and ethical considerations.

It is so fascinating that you quote your boyfriend as saying he is a "diaper lover" because even here different people define that differently. Then in answers members mention you diapering him, which might be the desire of an Adult Baby who is comforted by a return to nursery years, complete with such props as a pacifier, baby bottle and childish clothing. The way some who self-identify as "Diaper Lover" is that they abhore even being in the same room as people who use props and wear babyish outfits beyond utilitarian diapers. I would think known what your boyfriend has in mind is vital to you.

Often AB do not think their diapers and any of the rest of this life is sexual. I am like that. When I need to relax from the stress of my work and thoughts about the welfare of the world, all I want to do is start suckling a bottle and cover the diapers I wear 24/7 because I am bladder incontinent with a babyish outfit and crawl on the carpet playing with stuffed animals and other soft toys. When I am in that mood I think of my loving husband as "Daddy" who exists to care for my physical needs, including changing my diaper. Then as soon as I have relaxed enough, I will keep my diaper, but other wise dress as an adult woman. Out of my AB mood I approach the relationship with my husband as both a lover and spouse. We talk as responsible adults. I have never self-identified as a diaper lover. I do say I enjoy my diapers, but they are not a substitute for making love with my husband.

Some, but not all, of those who self-identify as diaper lover can have what we call vanilla sexual relationships part of the time and do not always wear diapers 24/7. It is when they get into a certain mood, they put on a diaper. For that length of time in a diaper they tune out the rest of the world and obtain their sexual pleasure from the diaper itself. Traditionally that would be termed a material fetish, in that an ordinary object has sexual significance to the patient. While in that state he or rarely she, cannot function sexually except with the fetish (the term for the object, not the mind set).

So, we have some AB who have no sexual drive while in that mood and we have DL who have no sexual desires with humans while in that mood. Then we have people who find diapers fun and comforting, who do not collect props and who can perform sexually with or without a diaper when with a person he/she loves romantically.

Having been diapered most of my life, I had to early on get past the "Why me? What did I do so terrible I am in diapers?" to thinking of a diaper as just a larger pair of panties. While reading as many romance novels as I could find when I was 13 I discovered the word Fetish, but missed the part about adults who wanted to pay to be incontinent. Talking to my folks (my granny and mom also are incontinent) I was told most people do not like the word fetish, so I started using the term "diaper affectation" largely because it confused doctors and shrinks. Honestly I am sure some doctors who have examined me think it weird I did not hate diapers and prostate wearing them, because they were not incontinent and did not remember what it felt like to be sitting in a wet dress without the comfort of plastic panties.

My suggestion, Confused Girlfriend, is to start by offering to go with your boyfriend when he needs more diapers. I would not rush out and buy him a pack of Depends. The reason is each of us has very specific demands on our diaper, and it can vary from one activity to another. Unlike some I do not hate Depend brand just because they displaced Attend which started the adult disposable industry. But I would be highly offended if even my understanding mother were to approach me with a bag of a size and style of Depend I do not wear and might have disliked. Probably you are so new to this you are confused by the terms and brands. Let your boyfriend educate you. He is proud, so to offer to buy him diapers might insult him, as if you do not think he can afford to buy his diapers, and that is not what you mean. For the moment let him know you love him and are there for him when he is ready for you.

If he is one of the kind of DL who only gets off in a diaper when in that mood, he does not want you to see him diapered, because that adds to his fetish. If he is more flexible, then he will adore you for being a willing co-conspiritor. If he is AB he might like you to wear a diaper as a play buddy. Many diaper lovers like to make love when both partners are wearing diapers. Go into your own feelings and consider that wearing a diaper can be utilitarian and it also can be comforting, so try not to be rigid. I assume your boyfriend decided you were sexually liberal and took the chance you would not flee in disgust when he mentioned he loves diapers. and, that might be the confusion. Suppose he said he loves wearing diapers and you understood that as he saying he is a diaper lover?

If you want to get into this more and in private, my e-mail is on my profile as my website address. Just introduce yourself to me as "Confused Girlfriend"

Have a magical day, Angela Bauer

My boyfriend just recently told me that he is a diaper lover. I'm just starting to learn what that really means. I love him very much so I am totally ok with this, and want to learn more. I guess I just want to know something special I can to to surprise him and let him know that I love him for who he is....no matter what.

[lilwetone]

Too Angela you should listen.. she know what she is talking about

[phogendpf]

I agree, the best thing you are giving him is ACCEPTANCE. That alone is enough to make him love you forever. Atleast it would for me . Just keep learning and understanding. You are already on the right path. I also wish you had a sister because theres just not enough girls like you. Im really happy for your bf because he must be in heaven now that he knows you are "cool" with it. I sure would be lol.

[teen_nappy]

What a time to tell you, just before valentine's day. As people have mentioned he obviously trusts you incredible amounts and I can assume that if he can tell you quite possible his biggest secret then he wants to be with you for a long time. As with most relationship issues talking is probably the first step, find out what he really wants...but remember you in this relationship to!! So it has to work both ways, if your not totally into then tell him but sometimes you have to give a little.

Can I wish you the best of luck with the talk and your future diaper/nappy experiences...hell you might even get to like it!

teen

p.s hope that helped if only a little bit *wonders if I could be an agony uncle?*

[Guest]

I'd say a good start would be buying some diapers for him and (if you're willing, if not that's fine) a bonus would be to offer to diaper him (if he's comfortable with it).

They're more expensive, but IMO the best diapers for people similar to us is the newer brand Bambino ( http://bambinodiapers.com/shop/ ). They were made for people similar to us in mind and are MUCH nicer than Depend. You can either get an all-white diaper or one with a colorful print on the front (like modern diapers do) that says "baby" on it and has baby-reference things on it (animals, blocks, etc).

[Wheels]

I'd say for a quick surprise, just buy a pack of Depends. Get the tape on style, not the pullup style. I believe that style is called "Depend Fitted Maximum Protection" now. They're sold in basically all major grocery stores and pharmacies, (at least in the US) and cost about $10-$15 a pack.

The thing is, AB's & DL's have wide ranging desires, and what appeals to one person might be a total turn off to another. So you can't go too deep into this without getting him to tell you what he likes. But since we all like diapers, you can't go wrong with a pack of Depends.

THAT's an excellent ice breaker & trust builder right there. After you do that, and if you feel comfortable, ask him if he wants to wear one while he's hanging out with you. By then he'll probably be very confident in opening up completely.

[Dill_Pickle]

Too Angela you should listen.. she know what she is talking about

Ditto...

Did your BF send you here or did you find this place on your own, in which case he might enjoy visiting here with you?

You might also want to read "Savage Love"....he's got good advice, too. As for what to bring him, well, when he gets nervous because you are amorous and he is diapered, give him a "So what?" reaction....that way he will know you *really* accept him.

Dill Pickle.

[confused girlfriend]

Thanks for the advice, I tried a lot of the things you guys talked about. I even bought him Bambinos and he was estatic. All in all this whole thing has actually brought us closer together. And I couldn't love him more. Thanks again for all the help

[LilGreg]

Thanks for the advice, I tried a lot of the things you guys talked about. I even bought him Bambions and he was estatic. All in all this whole thing has actually brought us closer together. And I couldn't love him more. Thanks again for all the help

Very Good!! Glad to hear it. Now have you got a older sister? - LOL Joking!! Not an issue.