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  1. I wont rehash the dark history in the ABDL community in that time period in this post, because it may not be appropriate outside of a setting specific for that topic, but I do feel the need to ask a few questions, and hope the community will be supportive and responsive. I got into ABDL in the early 90's, and explored several communities. I watched a lot of events unfold, and eventually had to take a side. I am proud of which side I chose to support. When I try to talk about the history of the community during that time period, I am often met with hostility. I was even banned from a discord server for my knowledge, and called a few unkind words. I also researched the psychology of ABDL, I have a deep respect for the difference between regressive ABDL, and age play ABDL. I acknowledge there are cases where people may have unconventional relationships, even questionable and at times troubling ones, but it is a reality they may have lived and their story to tell. I basically have seen most, but not all, within ABDL over the years. I firmly believe if we forget history, we are doomed to repeat it. There is a history in the ABDL community and a schism in the late 90's and early 00's, which I think the community has forgotten about. It is a history we should never let happen again, but talking about it, teaching it, is difficult and I have never found a way to cover it or talk about it. I might be over-thinking things, but that is why I am asking questions, to test if I am over-thinking this. Please, give me feedback to these questions, and lets talk about it. Do you know about the schism in the ABDL community towards the end of the 90's? Do you know what the schism was about? Do you know about Dartsy or [That OTHER site]? Please, do not search for these. If you have questions, please message me and I will explain. Both are thankfully defunct. How do you feel about age of characters in ABDL stories, both sexual and non-sexual? Do you ever talk about the topic of CSEM in the ABDL community? Do you have a source of information about the history of ABDL from the 90's and forward? I would like to eventually find a way to approach the topic and preserve the knowledge in the community.
  2. I am writing a sort of essay that encompasses my life up until this point, mostly to vent and get things off my chest. And to ask for advice. There are going to be three parts. First are my childhood and history with desires. The second is how I got to this point. The third is to ask for advice on how to best become completely and uncontrollably urinary incontinent. I am writing this post mostly to try and get rid of any personal mental blocks. Also, because I have had this brewing inside me for as long as I can remember, I am not brave enough to explain and be honest with my friends or therapist. Like so many others, I have ghosted this website since my childhood, and only now do I have the confidence to actually make a post. I have been wearing diapers on and off since I got kicked out of my home as a youth. First off, there is the trauma and struggle I've had as a DL. I have been interested in diapers for as long as I can remember. I remember being like 7 or 8, and me and my cousin would take diapers from family members, hide under the bed, and put them on. The desire never went away. I know I had a difficult infancy, from what I have been told. My mother said that when I was diagnosed with autism as an infant, I would cry and scream nonstop, and it drove her insane. My father was neglectful, and when he was there, he would not treat me well. My mother said that once I was just laughing and playing on the couch and my father would just push me off as a toddler. My family is an old Mormon religious bunch. That is a story for another day; however, it relates to the topic. My fairly well-off grandparents would host giant family reunions at their house. With over 20 people at a time. Most of my cousins were chronic bedwetters, so I was able to steal pull-ups and stuff, but as I grew older, it kind of stopped happening. At some point, I got so desperate that I stole packs of diapers from the store. I even got caught one time and brought to upper management with my mother. The whole ordeal genuinely traumatized me. I was also in foster care for a stint and got caught stealing diapers from my disabled "brother". As well as a couple of other incidents. I always wondered back then why I was such a freak and how I could make it all stop. I obviously didn't try anything for a while after that. The thoughts and desires persisted on and off through my teenage years, but I couldn't really do anything about them. After I came out of the closet and me and my family had a huge fight, I managed to get into a housing assistance program. I had complete independence and lived alone for the first time in my life. It was so liberating. By that point, I had all but forgotten about my desires until I was settled. Then one day, it dawned on me. I was a legal adult and could do whatever the heck I wanted. I then ordered my own supplies and had a kind of binge-purge cycle of wearing them occasionally. I ended up hanging out with the wrong types of friends and got wayyyy into marijuana, and they even got me addicted to nicotine. After growing up a bit, maybe a year or so later, I moved again. This time, however, I had more freedom as I ditched the wrong people and just stayed to myself. I don't know exactly when it happened, but I just kept wearing padding more and more. At one point, if I wasn't wearing a diaper, I would be wearing absorbent period pants. With or without a leakage pad, it just felt better. I don't know when, but at some point I just stopped purging and would periodically just wear diapers more and more. Then I decided I would commit to a modified version of the 12-month program. Double urinary. I stuck with it for a while, then I decided to go on vacation, and I got intimidated and didn't wear it. I packed planning too, but just stuck with the absorbent pants. Then, after I came home, I wore off and on again until I decided to go on another streak of 24/7, only pausing partway through due to a lackluster schedule and laziness. That didn't last long, however, and as of March 20th, 2023, I have been acting like I am completely urinary incontinent. I do wish to ask questions and go over some things. First, at this point, I am intimidated not to wear any kind of protection as I tend to drip and leak randomly. It isn't like a constant flow; it is more like LBL. I even had a couple bedwetting episodes that I was so excited and proud of. Typically pretty sporadic. That leaves me now. My only problem is that I seem to be a kind of Plato. I am trying to quit smoking, and my bedwetting has all but disappeared. Sometimes I feel like I am clenching "hard," and it is super hard to relax. Like I can't completely empty at all. Other times, it seems perfectly fine or normal. Just a constant flow that I'm only paying half attention to. I do take hormones, and one of them is a type of water pill. I don't know if that does anything. Personally, I feel it made it a bit easier. The only time I use the loo is for #2, and I go at least three times a day to try and weaken my muscles. Anything else is in my pants. I am not intentionally trying to lose fecal control. I am, however, not too concerned about it. I have already had some messy accidents and had to stay in them for a while. Not too often, but it does happen. Basically, I survived, and it wasn't comfortable, but it wasn't awful or the end of the world. more manageable. My biggest question is: how do I release a seized bladder? Also, to keep developing my bedwetting, I was making progress, then it just stopped all at once. I'd wake up having to pee like crazy and having trouble releasing. After I post this, I plan on quitting cigarettes cold turkey and only allowing myself "one" single cigarette a day if withdrawals become too hellish. That's all I really wanted to get off my chest. I am seriously hoping for and looking forward to any kind comments, reviews, and answers.
  3. I've been slowly gathering an archive of papers from early on in the community, currently a couple boxes. It is mostly catalogs, DPF newsletters, stories, etc. To free up some space, I might scan them into pdfs. (Yes, this will mean a lot of DPF PDFs.) I've been building an index, but haven't converted it to html yet. Posting the full archive online isn't an option, at least for now. It includes a couple years of DPF newsletters that contain a lot of personal information. Granted, all of it is 20 years old or older, but this might not be enough to eliminate to privacy concerns. Copyrights might also be a concern. The scans might only be shared confidentially with other researchers and ABDL history buffs. Would anyone know of other archives of community papers? If a particular item has already been scanned, we might not need to scan it again. (There is a collection of 70s and 80s Magazine Articles About ABDL/Infantilism at archive.org that is very well-presented. However, it includes only covers and specific articles. These scans might be more cover-to-cover, except for rosters.) Take care, Grey https://understanding.infantilism.org/
  4. Iwas going to update an old topic from 2 years ago when I was kicked out. I found that out of the 4400+ post I can only see ones from less than a year ago. Did I miss the memo that we emptied the file cabinets. I am ok with it, but just confirming with the powers above.
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