Les Lea

TYME is on your side I’m standing at my bedroom window looking out at the view. Since we came here eight weeks ago I have to admit this place is completely different from our old apartment. Before my bedroom view overlooked a small communal garden (dumping ground) and into the back of a row of other apartments hardly fifty yards away. We lived on the third floor, in a five story block less than half a mile from the town centre. The neighbourhood was a bit on the rough side but I didn’t mind because that’s where I’d grown up and where all my friends are... were. The school was less than a ten minute walk away and I was a happy and popular kid in class. However, a few weeks ago both my parents got new jobs. I didn’t know they’d been looking for anything different so it came as a bit of a surprise when they announced one morning that in the school’s summer break, we’d be moving to a new location – miles and miles away I’d come to the end of 6th Grade and the following term, now I’m almost twelve (well in six months), I’d be moving up. I was looking forward to going with all my mates and because of that the thought of a new school wasn’t so scary. The announcement of the move had me worried and I cried that I didn’t want to leave, even having a hissy-fit, demanding that I be left with the neighbours so I could stay with all my buddies. Both my parents tried to soothe my stress and said that this was a terrific opportunity that they couldn’t afford to let pass, and it was a relatively new town in a wonderful part of the country. Everything, they emphasised, was geared for young families and we’d have a better house and a lot better standard of living. None of that meant anything to me if I wasn’t going to be with my friends. The start of the summer break was fantastic but at the back of my mind was the fact that we’d soon be moving and I’d probably never see these guys from the neighbourhood again. So when not out with them I was at home complaining about the up-coming move. I was adamant I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t know that it was a done deal and no amount of my protestations or grumpiness was going to alter the fact... we would be moving. We moved and that was six weeks ago. # Now, as I looked out from my bedroom over the fields and off into the countryside I had to admit that dad was correct - this part of the country is beautiful. Everything’s new and exciting, not least because I got my own bedroom and it was at least twice as large as my old one. Back at the old apartment I shared with my three year old brother Josh, which wasn’t ideal, what with there being such an age gap. He was still being potty trained so there was a constant odour of pee about the place, and the piles of diapers did nothing to make me feel in the least bit like a boy who was about to move up a level at school. Oh how things change in such a short time. As I look out of my window at this fine early morning it’s me standing wearing a wet diaper with plastic pants trying their best to hold it all up. I’m eleven and a half years old and surprisingly started waking up soaked on the first morning we arrived here and I don’t know why. I have to admit I was still not in the best mood and resented being taken away from all that I knew to somewhere strange and unknown. I didn’t like it and was still pouting even after I’d been shown my new room. In fact, compared to our old apartment the new house was unbelievable; all the latest mod-cons. Smart devices everywhere; you could command ‘Mimi’ do this that or the other; to turn lights on and off, play music or answer questions by simply asking. The house was large and every room spacious, it had a garden, as did all the houses on our street, that went back about thirty feet, which in turn led onto fields and had countryside in the distance. It was all so perfect but of course I was upset so stomped around behaving badly and generally being nasty to everyone about everything. I was completely disrespectful to my parents and poor little Joshy didn’t know why I wouldn’t play with him. I was getting on everyone’s nerves, which in truth was what I wanted in the hope they’d send me back to my buddies. However, when I woke up wet after that first night I was somewhat shocked and found it difficult to explain myself. Mom and dad deliberated on it and decided it was a mixture of nerves, anxiety, hormones and upset but that I should be over it in a matter of days. However, mom’s initial thought, I was just being difficult and trying to prove a point, made her attitude towards me harden. After the second and third night of it happening she insisted, despite my absolute refusal, I wear a diaper to sleep in from then on. “Until you’re over this little bit of trauma,” was the way she interpreted it but of course I made a big fuss about being treated like Josh. She was unsympathetic to my argument. “If you wet like Josh then you’ll be treated like Josh” was her assessment of the situation. She was taking no temper tantrum or dispute with what she’d decided and dad wasn’t a reliable ally as he’d once been. So, like my baby brother, I was made to wear a diaper at night. It didn’t sit well with me but at least it kept the laundry down to a minimum. I suppose mom must have spoken into ‘Mimi’ and ordered extra supplies of diapers for Josh and me because some arrived that evening right on cue for bedtime. Of course I made life as awkward as possible but mom wasn’t having it and said that if I didn’t wear one she’d just leave my smelly pee-soaked bed and I could lie in that for ever as far as she was concerned. Dad on the other-hand simply said if I didn’t wear one he’d spank my hide, something he’d never threatened before. He got my attention and that night mom fitted me, like she did Josh, into a soft fabric diaper and plastic pants. It was certainly the grumpiest bed time I’d ever had but my resentment was softened slightly by the fact that the diaper was incredibly soft... that was... to begin with. I also think there was a bit of punishment in there because they were both getting more than a little annoyed with my insolence and not giving the new place a chance. Unfortunately, with the threat of a spanking, which I’d never had in my life, ‘I’ decided to wear one at night... so that was another thing to hate this place about. That first night, despite the initial softness, I tossed and turned and wondered how Josh could sleep wearing such a mass around his little willy because I was as fidgety as hell. Of course it didn’t help that I woke up soaked, so mom had been correct in making sure I was well wrapped up for the night. However, it was becoming a regular occurrence and I was hoping to hide the fact from mom by getting to the bathroom first and changing before she could check. Unfortunately, she caught me sneaking there with wet PJs and carrying a sopping wet diaper so now insists that she sees me every morning to be inspected. I didn’t know why at that time she thought that was so important but was quite definite about it. I argued, blamed everyone but myself and absolutely refused to wear one in future but of course that amounted to nothing because when it came to night time she was there supervising making sure I did. However, that’s not why each morning I have to wait for mom to come and check my soggy diaper. So, that’s where you’ll find me most mornings, soaked and looking out of the window... waiting. # Nonetheless, despite my ‘troubles’ both parents were excited by all these new opportunities, “opportunities” they said would not be available back home. Everything was “better and brighter” here and even Josh loved that he had his own room and space to play outside. He soon had friends and our parents had loads of colleagues from work who they socialised with. They’d bring their kids over and although Josh settled in straight away, I hated these new people and either took myself off to my room or simply made life for our visitors uncomfortable. “Stop being so rude and join in.” Was my parent’s non-stop criticism about my behaviour. As I hadn’t had a choice I begrudged everything. Dad made it clear that he and mom weren’t going to put up with my dissent much longer and I’d just have to try and fit in - there was no going back because there was nothing to go back to. We had neighbours with kids my age but I hated that, despite them all being friendly enough, they weren’t Boogy, Sam, Tess, Adele, Smiffy, Amin... or indeed any of my friends from back home who I grew up with. Because everything was controlled by the smart hub, I couldn’t access any of the video games I liked to play. As there was a ‘TYME classification’ age restriction on most of those, the hub recognised my voice and limited access until an adult requested them, which they never did. Phone calls went through the hub and I wasn’t allowed to make calls again without adult supervision. So I just mooched around getting angrier and angrier. Mom and dad didn’t like what I was doing but thought I’d eventually come round and accept it all. I had other ideas... I’d simply hitch-hike home if I had to. # The town is called TYME, "TYME - is on your side" is the slogan as you entered the outskirts and which mom and dad thought set just the right tone for place. In fact, both had managed to find incredibly well-paid jobs at a new facility outside of town and if I was being honest the entire place seemed a huge step up from where we had lived and, if I hadn’t been so resentful, might have enjoyed being here. Joshy was in a huge pre-school play group every day, which a he loved. All the kids dressed in blue shorts and yellow and white t-shirts with a little emblem on the breast pocket indicating which year they were in. He went to that group every day and looked sweet and happy when they were all together. I envied Josh being able to adapt so easily but I was angry (and regarded myself as grown up) so had opinions of my own and being here wasn’t one of them. It had never even been discussed - I’d fume to myself at the injustice of it all. Meanwhile, I had yet to start at a new school, which I was dreading. The Academy, as it was called, was a huge structure that also incorporated the pre-school so all ages of kids from our section of town were together but in different parts of this enormous building. The playing fields stretched over several acres to encompass athletics and all the ball sports. Yes, the place was immense and “well-tended”, as mom enthused. Both her and dad loved how organised everything was and were passionate about their new jobs which, according to mom, were a damn sight better than anything back in our home town. I had no idea what it was they did when they got to work by 9am, but school was scheduled to start at 8.30am and finished at 4pm to fit in with company shifts. Mom was delighted that the shifts were geared so that if needed, a parent was always available to look after a young child. In fact, although the entire town was arranged to suit the needs of the company they saw that it was advantageous to look after its workforce. Family care was ‘top priority’ and well catered for with a calendar of regular fun social gatherings. As new-comers we were encouraged to meet our neighbours and make friends with a whole bunch of different folk. Josh and I were dragged along to these ‘get to know’ gatherings where it seemed everyone was keen to chat and be as amiable as possible. All the kids were well-dressed and lacked attitude, something that just wouldn’t have been acceptable at home, but were friendly enough. I hated it and kept myself away from any offer of friendship... I just didn’t want to know or get involved. I already had friends I didn’t need this lot. # Everything was in company colours - white, blue and yellow, and, as they built this town (or so I assumed) they got a say in whatever happened here. Even the police cars and emergency service vehicles were white, blue and yellow. All uniforms and official workwear was a combination of these colours. You’d find it difficult to find any other colours if you worked for the town or the company. Even the school uniform had the same colour code and again, that little emblem on the breast pocket indicated which class you were in. Most things were arranged; mom didn’t even need to wash Josh’s diapers because there was a collection service that did all that. It was the same for any family with toddlers and babies. The company was ‘green’ so diapers were made from recyclable fabrics and collected, washed and replaced weekly. Even Josh’s were in company colours, as were the plastic pants that accompanied them. Actually, now I’m wetting most nights mine come the same way but I’ve never discussed it with either parent it’s not something an eleven year old want to discuss with anyone. I explained to myself that of course I was having soggy nights because I’d been abducted from friends and neighbours I’d grown up with and knew. This was a terrible, stressful imposition so no wonder my body reacted in such a way. So, this wetness was entirely my parent’s fault and nothing to do with me... of that I was certain. Well, I say everything but the truth is, I hated waking up wet. I saw it as something else, like the move, I had no control over and that made me angry. Yet, despite my refusal to wear a diaper, I did so and could see the benefits of wearing one at night. I thought in some way at least this was something I could control, so accepted its use. Also that threat of a spanking if I didn’t made me a bit more amenable to that particular suggestion. Although my parents had never spanked me, I had noticed that their attitude towards my attitude had hardened a little so wasn’t sure if they would actually follow through with any threat. I think they thought I was coming round but I wasn’t, it was just easier and to my advantage to go along with night time diapers. I still didn’t mix and made it well known I wasn’t happy about being in this place. It was strange because each evening one of my parents had to fill in a household health report on the computer. I was told a smart hub (which ran throughout the entire house) was in everyone’s home and was explained as a way that the company could make sure shops were well stocked with what was needed. Power, water, food... everything all came under the scope of the smart monitoring gizmos everywhere. There was a small blue round hub in every room via which ‘Mimi’ would do your bidding. The powers that be said that the health and welfare of its citizens was of paramount importance so nothing, not even the slightest cough, should be left out of the daily statement. Mom said it was terrific because it took away any worries and if you needed help a touch on the computer screen and there was always someone on the other end to offer advice or solutions. # Unfortunately, my wetting continued right up to the first day of the new term and mum insisted that I wear a diaper under my uniform to make sure all went well. My uniform! Now that was a surprise as well as I only saw it on that first morning of school. At my old school it had been just normal clothes. Here it was dark blue shorts, yellow and blue polo shirt with matching blue, white and yellow striped blazer. I looked exactly like a larger version of those pre-schoolers. There was hardly any difference in what Josh and I wore, which I found insulting to my age. I complained about the shorts but mom said that all boys up to becoming teenagers wore them to school. Then, if grades were good, you got more and more independence and fewer restrictions. To me it sounded more like prison but I couldn’t get mom or dad to see that. They thought I was being silly and over dramatic and accused me of trying to make this ‘paradise’ into some kind of living hell. I hated having to wear shorts to school, even though all the others in my year wore them, it was just another thing that left me indignant. Although I’d had a couple of weeks now wearing a diaper at night, and the occasional wet day (which I didn’t tell anyone about though suspected mom had sussed), I didn’t want to wear one on that initial school day, it would have set a bad example should anyone find out. However, my no-nonsense mother put me in one first thing. She’d stripped me out of my soaked night diaper, cleaned me up and, without asking, simply put me in a new one. Needless to say I was furious but she gave me one of her looks that she wouldn’t put up with any disagreement, so that had the remarkable effect of keeping me silent. With only a few minutes to go before we had to leave I sneakily nipped back to the bathroom removed the damn thing and defiantly settled into a pair of white cotton briefs for the day instead. Getting ready for that first day I wasn’t feeling too confident because up until then I hadn’t made any new friends... so wearing briefs was a little confidence booster. There were plenty of kids around, all dressed the same, but I wasn’t interested, they weren’t MY friends and anyway, I was still hoping they’d get fed up with me and we’d all return home. Despite our neighbours on one side having kids my age, and on the other they had a couple of babies and a toddler like Joshy, I’d tried to avoid them as much as possible. As their parents also worked for the company, we all set off at the same time to school so it was a sea of blue and yellow walking down the street or disembarking from the school bus. Friends huddled in groups laughing or chatting but all seemed keen to be heading for a new term. There was a general aura of happiness about TYME, even the school kids appeared pleased to start a new term. I on the other hand, was nervous and alone and that made me feel really self-conscious. What I didn’t know was that my personal id was embedded in the school logo on my shirt pocket. With a sweep of a handheld scanner it made sure you were in the correct group but also flagged up any concerns anyone might have. So, on the first day of school the scan, despite the age group I was in, indicated to the teacher that I should be wearing protection as I was ‘incontinent’. I couldn’t believe that mom had let the powers that be know I wet... that was a breach of my privacy. The teacher with the scanner seemed a little perplexed and wondered first of all if I was in the correct class (had they got Josh and James mixed up somehow?) but then, after a few moments chat and deliberation with an unknown contact at the other end of the screen, in front of a line of girls and boys my own age, I was checked if I was wearing suitable protection. On finding I had briefs and not the required diaper I was told to report to the school nurse for ‘redressing’. I was so embarrassed and seething at such facts being made available to any person I upped and went home without going anywhere near the nurse’s office. I didn’t know that everyone’s medical and social records were stored and evaluated daily so any problems could be nipped in the bud. To me it was just another intrusion into my life, which I didn’t have back home. # My first day at school and my first bunking off... It was quite a walk but of course mom and dad had gone to work by the time I arrived at the house, Josh was at pre-school so I needed to get in. However, the door was locked and I didn’t have a key and my badge didn’t allow access. Thankfully, the weather was fine so I just went for a stroll through the woods expecting to be out and about in the fresh air for the rest of the day until 4:00pm, when I knew I’d be able to access the house. I walked out of our garden and into the back field intent on reaching the wooded area in the distance. It was whilst on this walk I hoped to formulate a plan to get away from this awful place and make my way back to a proper town... my home town. I knew it was going to be difficult. It had been quite a long drive to get here in the first place and I remember (as I was half asleep for most of the journey) that we turned off the main highway and drove for ages before we reached this place. The journey was up hills and down dales, through huge wooded areas and farming land before we got to a junction that pointed access to the town. TYME itself seemed quite a distance from any other civilization but, when we arrived, the bustling centre as far as I could see was new and just as busy as any other place I’d been to. Also, another surprise was that we had a coastline and the town, built on a hill, sloped down to beaches, harbour and small marina. As I thought about all this my mind was busy trying to calculate the distance I’d have to hitch-hike to even get to a main road. I came to the conclusion that perhaps a boat might be a possible solution except for one thing; I couldn’t sail or know which direction to go in. I’d have to try and find a map. Whilst all this was swirling around in my head I hadn’t noticed I was being followed by a man in a blue and yellow uniform (of course) on a quad-bike. “And where exactly are you going?” He demanded once I noticed him. “Just a walk around, I’m new here so just checking things out.” I replied but not very confidently. “Really,” He dismounted from his transport, “Well let me just check who I have here and where you should be.” He produced a scanner with a screen and held it over the logo on my shirt. “Mmm,” he read, “James Llewelyn, son of Anthony and Marion Llewelyn and, according to this, you should be in a history class back in school.” I was shocked he knew so much about me but of course, the scan this morning had told the teacher other stuff I didn’t want anyone else to know. Did this (I looked at his badge) Rural Deputy now have all that info on his device? “So, you shouldn’t be out here on your own without supervision but mainly... you should be in school. Your parents will be in trouble for this.” “Big deal,” I thought but didn’t say anything. “Come on, hop on I’ll give you a lift back.” “No, it’s OK, I’ll find my own way back thanks... I made it this far.” He looked at me as if he wasn’t used to anyone disagreeing with his directive. “I don’t think so James,” His tone was even but only just, “my job is to make sure you return to where you’re supposed to be... so, on you get.” He indicated the seat in front of him. “No, fuck off and leave me alone. I didn’t ask for you to be here and I don’t want to go anywhere with you... I don’t even know who you are and” I acted all stupidly coy, “mom says I shouldn’t accept lifts from strangers.” This showed a great deal of just how angry I was because I wouldn’t have had the nerve to say all this to either my parents or anyone, certainly a lawman, back home. “This isn’t a request sonny... on the bike NOW.” I took off into the woods as fast as I could. “This isn’t a game.” I heard him shout as he gunned the quad up but I’d left the track and was trying not to get entangled in the undergrowth. I battled through thick foliage, brambles and stinging nettles, which clawed at my bare legs leaving painful scratches and annoying welts. Unfortunately, he knew this area better than me and was waiting when I eventually broke ground and ended up in a little clearing. “That’s enough fun and games James... your parents have given me authorization to spank you if you don’t do exactly as I say immediately.” He was waving around his scanner and I had no doubt that it contained just such permission. # I hated the fact that I’d been foiled but the drive back, with me perched in front of him on the bike, was in silence. I felt like a recaptured prisoner of war I’d seen on TV. He drove up to my front door and there was my father looking exceptionally angry. “He should be in school,” the Deputy told dad as he set me down. “Make sure he’s there tomorrow sir, there will be a ‘clarification’ issued from Central Office.” “Yes, thank you officer, I’ll see to it and sorry for any inconvenience.” He held the door open for me to enter the house. Once the door was closed, in a surprisingly quick move, my shorts came down as did my briefs and he put me over his knee and gave me a thorough spanking. It was something I’d never experienced before and I didn’t like it one bit... as I screamed the place down. I’d never seen dad so angry or experienced anything so painful, the scratches on my legs from the brambles were now forgotten as I tried to be brave. I failed. Dad was letting my bare bottom know in no uncertain terms that I’d got things very wrong indeed. Despite begging for forgiveness and screaming I was sorry, he made sure I was in no doubt that my attitude would be curtailed. I couldn’t hold back the tears and for a moment, when there was a ‘ping’ on the hub screen dad stopped and took a look at what was written. “You swore at the Deputy?” He was even more incensed at my most recent display and my bottom felt the full force of his fury. Eventually he finished and I was left a sobbing wreck but made to stand in the corner, with my hands on my head, whilst he finished reading the message on screen. My bum was extremely red and very painful and I was still snivelling when he returned. He turned me round and I noticed that I’d wet down the front of his trousers whilst being spanked I was sure he was going to spank me again so cringed as he pulled me forward. “Well James it looks like you’ve made us the first family ever to get a warning. Your behaviour will not be tolerated by anyone...” “I just want to go back home.” I whined through the pain. “Well son, that’s not an option as we’ve made clear on every occasion you’ve brought it up. This place is clean, well run and safe. There are no gangs here, no crime from what we can see and if you give it a chance you’ll find it beneficial as you grow up.” He could see I didn’t want to hear any of this... I wanted my friends and thought it a horrible thing for a parent to do... take me away from all that I knew. “I’m sorry if you think we’ve made the wrong decision but it’s you that’s wrong. Mom, Josh and I all love this place and if you weren’t so destructive I think you’d find that it offered you a whole new set of friends...” “I just want to go home...” I pleaded. “You are home son and the sooner you realise that fact, and that nothing is going to change unless you do, you are going to have a very miserable life. The bottom line is you’ll only have yourself to blame.” Dad hugged me and told me he didn’t like to discipline me like he just had BUT, if that was the only way to get through then that’d be what would be on offer in future. He guided me upstairs and took me into the bathroom where I’d left the discarded diaper from this morning. He laid me out on the changing table and, having spread lotion and powder all over my red bum and willy, attended to the scratches on my legs and then fixed the diaper back where it started though added a pair of thick white plastic pants. “I think we need to keep you safe... and son... you’ll be wearing a diaper all the time from now on.” I was still worried about possibly getting another spanking at some point so missed the main thrust of what he’d just said. Thankfully, the fluffy thick material was kind and soft on my inflamed bottom. He lifted me from the changing area and stood me up. I felt too weak to do much so he took my hand and guided me, waddling slightly and slowly, down stairs and sat me on the sofa. It was too painful, so I crawled onto the floor. “Mimi, TV please, Channel 7.” Dad commanded and the screen burst into life with a cartoon. I was too scared to say anything as dad went off to do whatever it is grown-ups do when they’re angry. I saw him run his hands through his hair as he read the hub screen. He looked across at me and shook his head. I hated to think what the ‘warning’ the deputy had threatened actually said. I hated just how sore my bum was and how easy it had been for dad to punish me so hard. Just another thing that happened here that didn’t happen back in my home town. I hated this place even more. # tbc #

Hi Like2bwet Sorry it's taken me so long to reply. Thanks for the comment and glad you enjoyed it. I had thought about a supplementary piece on the boys but thought it just might get too complicated (for me) to get what happens to them when they visit. I imagined that those who liked the story might like to fill in their own adventure... as I'm sure it would be better than what I could think up. Have fun and again thanks for leaving a comment it is appreciated. Thanks Les

Hi CDfm Glad you enjoyed the story. Sorry you didn't like the fact that Jason enjoyed having sex but I don't think Tom and Terry made him do anything he wasn't up for... although maybe Terry took more advantage of that fact. The fact that even when he was at his Grans and the text arrived, he still wasn't sure he didn't want to try again... he was an adventurous lad after all. Thankfully, now he's happily regressed and at one with the life of a toddler... my main concern was... how are his visitors going to react... and will his Gran, aunt and mother... help them in the same way? Hugs to everyone who enjoyed the story... and those who didn't... OK... you still get a hug. Les

Many thanks for the kind comments and I'm so pleased you've all enjoyed the story. Your comments are the lifeblood for us writers, those encouraging words really do mean a lot so, THANKS again. Hugs top each and all. Les😀

Part 30 Everything’s going to be alright - what the hell was that supposed to MEAN for heaven’s sake? I’d heard it so often but had become one of those refrains that was intended to put me at ease but didn’t quite fulfil its obligation. For instance, why wasn’t it... alright now? Anyway, she wasn’t going to start with the explanation until I’d been to see Billy but was curious so thought I’d nip over straight away and get that sorted before I did anything else. I was almost out the door before I realised I was still only wearing my padding. Although the pink disposable and matching plastic pants looked terrific, I quickly hoofed it back to my room for fleecy shorts and jumper. I wasn’t looking forward to this meeting because I was nervous of what Billy might still be thinking... and then with my pressy... would he appreciate such a reminder. Also, what if things between the Edwards family had deteriorated and even Mark wasn’t speaking to me... what then? All these negative thoughts were in my head but when I got to the house I saw Mark in the garden wearing his school football kit whilst playing keepy-up with a black and white football. “Hi Mark,” he hadn’t seen me approach. “Oh hi Jase... fancy a kick about?” He seemed pleased to see me so that was something. “What in the park?” “Afraid not, mum doesn’t want me to leave the garden so...” He’d resigned himself to staying where he was. His white polyester football shorts were quite flimsy so the padding underneath was fairly apparent but he didn’t seem that bothered. Mark had been the one who’d objected most to having to wear nappies at the beginning but now... He kicked the ball to me but without any force so I simply tapped it back. This wasn’t going to be that exciting a game but I did notice that his padding looked firm and tight and again I wondered if it had been Billy who’d fastened him in. “On your own?” I said looking toward the house but he just shrugged and deftly kicked the ball up and into his hands like a professional. “Yer, just little old me,” he replied looking a bit fed up. “I see. Sorry, I just came to give Billy this,” and held out the plastic bag for him to see I’d brought something. “What is it?” “Well, it’s his birthday in a couple of days’ time and I won’t be here, so, thought I’d give him his card and pressy now.” “Oh, that sounds nice... but he’s not here at the moment he’s in the school’s swimming competition down at the pool. Dad’s there... in support.” He shrugged again. “Didn’t you fancy it?” I know normally he’s a big supporter of whatever his brother does but this time I saw that shrug. “He’s being a bit... you know... annoying since your last visit...” He didn’t say any more so I could only guess what might have transpired but if Mark was here, then I guess he must have ticked him off as well as his mum and dad. However, I thought things might have become more difficult but wasn’t going to take the blame for something I thought his mum had caused. “Does he blame me...” “No, no, no Jase, of course not, no one’s blaming you but he said something to mum and dad and, if it hadn’t been a school gala, he’d not have been allowed out.” “Does that mean there’s not going to be an eighteenth party for him?” I wondered. “I don’t know mum and dad are pretty annoyed with him right now but... well...” “Is he still wearing,” without actually saying the word I pointed to his padding, “like you?” “Yes, that’s not changed but said he doesn’t want to return to school next year so that’s caused a bit of an argument.” I knew that his parents had been very disappointed that he failed his exams and thought he might have done it on purpose. I also knew to a certain extent he had but his mum and dad wanted him to go to University. It was all a bit of a mess because he also fancied Uni but of course the nappies had played a big part in his refusal to do as they wanted. He’d sat his exams at a particularly angry time but think he actually regretted his action. I remember him saying after he’d got his results that he wanted to find work like I had. I just hoped his parents didn’t blame me for that influence as well. Meanwhile, Mark was standing holding the ball to his chest and swaying on the spot looking like an innocent little ten year-old. I think without his older brother around Mark does become more unworldly and slightly more childlike, well, his bulging shorts at least adding to that perception. “Oh, poor Billy.” I was glad it wasn’t me that had caused the problem but still. “Well, Mark, can you take this and give it to him on his birthday with all my best.” I passed him the package. I could see he wanted to know what it was but told him with a smile he’d find out soon enough. He checked to see that his mother wasn’t looking and whispered he’d go straight to their room and hide it until then. “The offer still stands for you both to come up to the Lakes and stay.” “I’m sure we’d like that.” But shrugged because he knew that it would be down to what his parents decided not what they wanted. He seemed down and I didn’t know if it was because of the family situation or the fact I was leaving. Part of me hoped that it was because he was going to miss me because I knew I was going to miss him and his brother. “OK Mark,” I gave him a strong hug and of course patted his padded bottom. It was nice because he did the same to me. “I hope to see you both again soon... please keep in touch.” There was a slight grope from each of us which was very pleasant... mutual appreciation I hoped. There was so much more I could have said, wanted to say, to tell him and Billy just how much I’d miss them but perhaps it was better that a hug would convey all that. So, that was my duty done and glad Billy didn’t see me as the culprit of whatever his disagreement with his parents happened to be. However, it was quite a wrench to leave here and my emotions were beginning to add weight to my disposable. I told Mark again I’d miss him and clung on for perhaps longer than I should but he didn’t seem to mind. “Give Billy a hug from me.” I said and was surprised that tears were streaming down his face. The sentiment was more than I bargained for so quickly finished the clinch and left trying to hide my wet face. I could feel my nappy warming and didn’t know if that was a good sign or bad because at that moment there was so much going on in it. I needed a distraction... time to get home and find out what mum had to say for herself. # “Oh baby, have you been crying?” She knew straight away. “Come here let me give you a cuddle.” I went over and despite my determination to get to the bottom of what mum had to say, I appreciated her embrace even more. Once again, I felt tears streaming down my face as I thought that I might not see the boys ever again... and that was painful. Mum knew how emotional I can be so kept her hug going until I was calm. By then my nappy was absolutely sodden and she released her grip. “OK sweetheart, I think you need a change so... let’s get my sweet, compassionate baby cleaned up and ready for bed...” “Mum,” I interrupted, “we have something else to talk about.” “Yes I know baby but why not after we’ve changed that soggy nappy” she said reasonably. Reluctantly I pulled away and wiped my eyes. That heavy weight returned and it felt like I’d never come to terms with leaving. “Poor baby,” mum said as she patted my saggy bum. “Don’t worry love, everything will be alright.” I set off upstairs. “I’ll be up in a minute sweetie so just leave everything to me.” “Mum it’s OK I can see to it myself.” “I know love but... just leave it to me, mmm?” She went off to the kitchen whilst I made my way upstairs. As I’ve mentioned, the bedroom looked quite stark without the posters and stuff that used to adorn the walls and surfaces but the mirror showed that I did indeed look like I needed help. My face was streaked, my eyes puffy and my hair unkempt. I eased the fleecy shorts down and thankfully, as always, the plastic pants had done a fantastic job of holding everything in place, but the disposable had filled out quite a bit. As always it had done its job of containment and I was grateful. To some it might seem incredible that at my age I was still thankful for my fantastic babyish underwear. But the number of times they have prevented a pee stain, or worse, I’ve lost count. What I do know is that they give me confidence and when I see how solid and firm they become because of my unruly bladder I’m truly thankful to whoever invented disposables and plastic pants. I was still looking in the mirror when mum arrived and immediately started to pull down the plastic cover. I wasn’t going to complain I’d already decided to let her get on with it and mum’s a master at sorting such things out quickly. Next she released the tapes and held it so it didn’t splat on the carpet. I just hoped she wasn’t going to inspect it too closely otherwise she’d have seen just how emotional I’d got about leaving the boys. I looked at mum because I knew just how much I relied on her to ‘make things right’. However, even with my naked, greasy teenage bits and pieces on show it felt like I was back to being a toddler and needed her more than ever before. “OK baby, go and give yourself a good wipe down whilst I get you a fresh nappy.” She hadn’t missed a thing. It didn’t take long but when I returned after a thorough sponging she’d laid out my changing mat, had all the powder and lotions at hand and had another large pink disposable all fluffed out and waiting. I knew the drill. In seconds she had all my dangly bits nicely oiled, powdered and fitted the lovely soft, thick disposable with barely any effort. There was a pair of clear plastic pants that she flapped out and fed up my legs and finally, what was probably my last clean t-shirt, slipped over my head. “OK baby I think you’ll do,” pushing my hair to one side. “Shall we have that chat?” She held out her hand and we toddled back downstairs and into the living room. # I sat on the sofa wearing only what mum had just put me in, which once more I hadn’t thought twice about. She went to the kitchen and returned with another baby’s bottle of milk, which I anticipated was sweetly flavoured. “Right,” she joked looking down on me, “assume the position.” Like last time mum settled herself into the corner whilst I draped myself onto her lap so I was looking up at her. “There now... get comfortable...” and she brought the bottle to my lips. I nudged it away. “Mum I can’t speak or ask questions if I’m sucking on a bottle.” “No baby you can’t but I’m hoping what I’m going to tell you will answer all your concerns.” She slipped the latex teat in as I was trying to make up my mind what to say next. This was quite a bizarre situation and I had no real idea of how we’d got to this place, this moment, this acceptance of so meekly becoming a little kid. Perhaps I was about to find out. “There now... just enjoy the milk for a moment and then I can start.” Once I’d got the flow going, and the sweet warmness filled my mouth. Granny’s Magic Milk was some kind of elixir that ticked all the boxes - I was hooked and I think mum knew that too. “OK, let me start with something you may have worked out already.” But I was now only considering the honey and milk combo that seemed to be something the God’s must have invented... was this Nectar? Why I’d suddenly forgotten my original question and focused on the drink I don’t know but... hell, was it tasty. With her holding the bottle in one hand and softly patting my silky plastic bottom with the other she began. # “You asked me who Granny and Aunt Jane were talking about when they mentioned someone being autistic,” she stroked my bottom affectionately. “Well, it wasn’t all about you it was daddy.” For a second I stopped sucking taking in this information and wondered why she’d said daddy and not dad. I was about to ask when mum pushed the teat back between my lips and continued. “Your daddy was autistic and although it was not spoken about much when he was young, HIS father recognised he was different, though not necessarily why.” She nodded to herself as I sucked. “From an early age your granddaddy, on your father’s side, would recognise some little quirk or foible and react positively to it. After all, his boy, his only son, was his pride and joy... “Wike I am youshhh.” I spoke around the bottle. “Yes... like you’re mine... and gran’s... and aunties,” she returned the teat to my mouth and encouraged me to drink. “But back then it was something few people were aware of or simply didn’t understand. However, your granddaddy would have none of that; his son was perfect - just different - so worked with him rather than dismissing those little, or to some, strange idiosyncrasies.” I’d got my sucking rhythm back so was enjoying the sweetness more than ever. However, mum was telling me something I’d not heard before and I knew it was leading to something about me. “In many ways your granddaddy was ahead of his time because nothing was too much trouble as far as his son was concerned. He passed that empathy and understanding onto his son and explained he wasn’t strange or peculiar, just different in the way he thought... and that was a good thing. “Who’d want everyone thinking the same, nothing would ever get invented if that was the case?” was something your granddaddy used to say. This was incredible news. Daddy, erm, dad was autistic but how come it had never been spoken about. “Mum, why are you telling me this now?” “Well sweetheart... your daddy and my daddy, your grandad, seemed to bond over you and the way you were. Even as a little kid you loved being a little kid even as you got older. It was one of those ‘foibles’ you daddy recognised and explained to grandad.” She was patting my bottom... I slid the teat out. “Mmmuuumm,” “Yes love.” “Have I inherited dad’s idiosyncrasies?” She stopped patting my padding. “Well you have cut to the chase haven’t you?” She eased me back into what was left of the milk and waited until I started suckling again. A quick cuddle and then she was back with more of her explanation. # “No, but you have your own ways...” She hugged me to take the sting out of what she was about to say, “but yours are now becoming the main thing in your life.” In spite of the calming influence of the drink this was news. In what way was I ‘different’? I was about to ask if she meant the nappies but she beat me to it. She stroked my padded bum. “These are the way you appear to want to live and have come to define you.” She smiled an encouraging smile, “and we all love you for it.” I had to think about this for a moment. In some ways she was right, I had slipped into being a big kid but surely that’s because she’d encouraged it. I mean, I had a grown up job, I was mixing with others and passed exams and such... I had SEX... that’s not what a little kid did. “I can see the thoughts in your head sweetheart,” mum frowned a little as it looked like she could actually read them. “You’re thinking about how grown up you’ve been. Am I right?” I nervously nodded because it appeared she could read my mind. “You’re thinking that the colourful clothes and encouraging you to appear like you are now wearing just a nappy and these lovely crinkly plastic pants is all down to me, right?” Again I nodded guiltily around the milk that was almost gone. “The thing is baby, I have done all those things because I’ve seen the anxiety in your eyes and in the way you react to the world when you’re unsure. I’ve seen what you need to make that stress go away and I’ve provided it.” She was patting my padded bum again, “These are what you needed to keep the pressure away. Daddy recognised all this very early on that once you had them you could have fun... you could relax... you could be you.” I sucked harder thinking this through and wondering about daddy... erm... dad. “Even as a youngster himself, after his parents died and was sent to live with his aunt, uncle and cousins, he knew how to care for people. It was like a special sense; he had this connection with people and instinctively knew what was needed. He was a very special man.” Was mum telling me I was special or only that he saw I needed something special? # I slurped the last taste of the milk down and pondered if mum was correct, I did feel better wearing a nappy and little else, I did have fun when wearing them, I did enjoy the childish side of it all. I mean, look at me, drinking from a baby’s bottle, wearing nothing but a nappy, being curled up and cuddling mum, this is not what a nineteen year old does... well except for me. Then the words of the Deliveroo chap entered my head “...so the rumours were true.” I mean, WHAT! What rumours? Who else knew? Mum changed tack. “When I went up to Gran’s to help out you were the main topic of conversation. Believe it or not she predicted that you wouldn’t be at Collins’s for much longer and pleaded with me, if that happened, to move us both back up to be with her and Jane.” How the hell had Gran been able to forecast losing my job? My head was back to thinking about conspiracy theories to get me back to the Lakes. Was Gran some kind of soothsayer, or Nostradamus or some such...? “Once she’d played on my guilt for not being around,” mum gave a small laugh as if thinking how clever her mum had been to manipulate her, “I’d told her you were happy and settled and had no intention of moving. However, as we talked wondered if she could get you to agree if she did something special for you... she settled on the refurbishment of the basement.” “But why if you said we weren’t coming?” I didn’t understand how she could make that leap. “Well, as I’ve mentioned Granny had already done a good job of making me feel guilty so one way or another I’d promised that we’d visit more often...” I interrupted. “But how did she know to fill it with...?” “Well, to be honest, that was mainly me. I’ve been your mum all your life,” she grinned at her silly observation, “and I hope I can tell when my little boy needs something special in his life. I’ve watched how you are around your friends, what you watch on TV and see your eyes light up when certain programmes or features come on screen. I remembered things we’d talked about over the years and suddenly realised, like how you missed dad, you missed some of those things as well. So sweetheart, we put together what I hoped would be something that would make you happy because that’s who you are... a sweet little boy... who just happens to be nineteen.” “But I have, erm, had a job, I’m a grown up...” I reiterated but wasn’t sure if I was angry or just trying to justify myself. “Look love, although you wanted to be upset when you lost your job... I suspect it was a kind of relief.” I shook my head but said nothing. “Your body language always tells me when you’re anxious, happy, sad or excited... like now when you’re unsure.” “But mum...” “It’s true love, you recovered from the news very quickly and I suspect you’ve hardly thought about your job, um, ex-job, since you’ve left...” The thought of screaming a denial, swearing a protest and simply saying she was wrong flew into my head. That weight returned and I felt it pressing heavily on my chest and finding it hard to breath but there was nothing I could do. Was this guilt about something I wasn’t aware of or simply realising the big changes that have happened so recently and so quickly? I could feel on the verge of a panic attack yet knew that I had nothing to fear... it was a strange and confusing event. But my head was spinning, the basement was absolutely full of things, how did she know I would like them? Mum continued to point out a few ‘facts’ like how I became more reliant, and indeed insistent, on wearing nappies to work and using them. How I needed to have my dummy with me ‘just in case’. Mum continued pointing out my reaction to the sacking but of course she’s correct, the only real time I’ve thought about the work was after I’d received texts from Tom and Terry... even then I wasn’t thinking about work exactly. I tried to defend myself. “But I’d cried when Mrs Garfield said I had to leave.” “Sometimes that’s all a little boy who wears his heart on his sleeve can do... it’s what we love about you but, think about it, without Tom in the picture how long do you think you really would have lasted, mmm?” It was true. With the likes of Tridwell I didn’t stand a chance but with a ‘hero’ like Tom I was saved. He protected me, included me, was special... oh God! I thought about what she was saying and tried to refute her opinion but then shamefully remembered Terry and how, when I couldn’t play with one ‘toy’ (Tom), quickly found another to occupy me. Thankfully, mum didn’t know about him, or at least I hoped not, unless Gran had foretold that... oh God, it didn’t bear thinking about. I was hopeless. “I’m not having a go sweetheart just giving you some specifics as I see them. You know that everyone loves you for who you are. Gran’s happiest memories are when you were a little toddler and the antics you two got up to were ‘epic’. You just loved being together and... I zoned out a bit at that moment because another thought entered in my head and not for the first time; No, really... just how did Gran know I’d lose my job? # As I lay there in mum’s arms I could feel myself getting more and more upset because I wasn’t sure I agreed or that any of it made sense despite mum painting a pretty convincing picture. There were too many what ifs... I mean, what if Mr Tridwell hadn’t instigated his claim? What if Tom and I were still together? What if... but my argument ran dry when I realised that none of that was the case now. We were where we were and I was on my mummy’s lap and I’d just finished sucking on a baby’s bottle... and it seemed fine... even if the conversation was a bit difficult to take in. The thing was, I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that mum was stroking my silky padded bottom as she spoke. It was like no matter what was said, THIS would never change. I latched back in to what she was saying... “...Granny made me promise that if our circumstances altered then we’d move in. I was happy to agree because it didn’t seem likely that anything would change... but then it did... so...” So Granny had easily convinced mum to move back but why had I been so easily charmed into returning... surely not simply because of a new childish bedroom... even if it was quite spectacular? Whenever Gran and I had talked she kept insisting that her home was my home and the safest place to be. The people who loved me would all be together and added with her inevitable twinkle, the place lit up when I was around. To add to the debate the milk had gone straight through me and I was flooding my nappy and the warmth was making me doubt any conviction at all that I was a grown up. Mum’s and Gran’s words were bouncing around my head and I tried to deny or at least argue all the points made but I was numb. How I got to this stage was still a mystery but mum had given me plenty to think about. She’d made it sound like it had all been anticipated and was a natural progression. Despite the evidence I still wasn’t convinced. She pushed a dummy between my lips but I spat it out. Despite filling the front of my padding I didn’t want to admit defeat. However, mum was having none of it and a tap, the equivalent of a chastised baby slap, on my warming slippery yet soggy bottom made it so that when she tried again I accepted. She smiled sweetly and rubbed my silky bottom now I was no longer putting up any resistance. “There now sweetie, it’s been a pretty intense day and we have a lot to do tomorrow. So, I think we should get you into a nice fresh, fluffy nappy and into bed... don’t you?” # # # # # Just over a week later was my birthday and received a huge new train track to expand the one laid out. It was a present from Gran who said the oddest thing... “the bigger the track, the more fun”. I remembered when daddy and I talked about getting a train set just before he died, he’d said exactly the same and we laughed at the prospect of taking over my entire bedroom with mass tracks leading to weird and wonderful destinations. That was when I was eight, I’m nineteen now and yet... the new gift excited me though Granny’s words haunted me. Weird or what? I also received loads of other things to have fun with from mum and aunty, like a bubble machine, LEGO and Play-doh, things I’d loved playing with as a kid and more models and scenery for the track. It looked like what dad and I had spoken about was happening; the train track was going to take over the entire area. My bedroom became a favourite place to be and a fortress where I played. The fact that toys I’d planned to give away were now residing back with me, and the video games and console had all gone, meant my only electric entertainment was the train set. Some of the toys I hadn’t played with since I was at junior school had found their way back into joyful use. It all seemed so natural that I should find so much pleasure in the simplest of games and toys. Toys, just a few weeks ago I would never have given any thought at all to were now my favourite play things. Everywhere in my bedroom was a fun space so there was very little spare flooring that hadn’t been designated for entertainment purposes. Even on my own it never felt like I was alone... I’d talk to the little figures that were going on their train journeys and they’d chat back. I’d explain to no one in particular what I was building or where the toy cars I was pushing were going. All the stuffed toys also seemed to have their own personalities and we’d discuss the events going on in the basement and between us make decisions. There always seemed to be a loving presence participating in my enjoyment... even if I couldn’t see it. It all felt such a long time ago since I was an Assistant Lab Technician. In fact, I wasn’t sure if that wasn’t all some weird dream and this was what I’d always done... soggy nappy and all. # It was a pleasurable indulgence when I went to bed because I would be changed and wrapped in nice thick layers of fabric. Mum said that her, Gran and Aunty were wrapping me in their love and it certainly felt that way. They were all frequent visitors to my domain and we shared many happy hours playing and having fun whilst enjoying their own special journey... everyone seemed to love trains. What was nice, on my birthday I got a card from Billy and Mark which, apart from wishing me a Happy Birthday, said that in the next school break their mum and dad were coming up to the Lakes to stay at The Grove for a long weekend and they would love to come and stay with me if the offer was still there. There was no mention of my present as to whether it was hated or loved although I suppose the fact that they wanted to come was a good enough response. I must admit that I was bit saddened that on his birthday I hadn’t received a thank you or even an acknowledgement about his present and wondered if things might have gotten worse. However, with this card there was no indication of what had been agreed, or what punishment had been applied, to get Billy back in his parent’s good books if they were allowing them both to come and stay. I hoped that it was all agreeable and that Billy had realised, like Mark had, when things were ‘better’... nappy or not... it was better. I suppose I could have called them but I’d more or less stopped using my mobile, in fact I didn’t know where it was, but also didn’t want to call in case I made matters worse. I’d needed them to call me but the birthday card would suffice. I’d call them later to try and fix up the actual dates. I looked around the basement and although there was very little free space I was already planning on where they could sleep. At a push my bed was big enough for all of us but wasn’t sure if that would be acceptable. I also planned, if the weather was good, that we could camp outside in the back garden or maybe...? It was ‘brain overload’, however, just the thought that they were able to come had me so excited that I filled my nappy but then I do that all the time now. Actually, I suppose I did it all the time before but now there are three people who just love to rush to change and slip me into something thick and colourful. I don’t complain I love the attention. # That Monday evening, before we moved, and the explanation mum offered as to why we should be with family hit me quite hard. Not in a boxing ‘knock out’ type of way but knowing that so much had been going on with me that although I knew was happening, I hadn’t connected any dots as to what it could mean. I was thinking, like dad, I must be somewhere on this autistic spectrum (whatever that was) but I didn’t feel it. I mean, what did it entail? What were the symptoms? Why had no one mentioned it before? Surely because I liked to wear nappies wasn’t... but perhaps it was. Was escaping back to childhood one of the pointers? I wasn’t sure. Perhaps, it had always been a possibility and they were just waiting for me to accept it. This was awful because although stuff was in my head I just couldn’t formulate the words and when I did, they seemed stupid. I wish dad had been here to explain it all. I couldn’t equate the two different parts of who I thought I was – I loved nappies of course, that was obvious to everybody. I also loved the fact, for a short while at least, I was working with others and had found a boyfriend... and we’d done the deed. Surely that meant I was an adult but mum had inferred that I had just been playing at it. I know she wasn’t trying to be unkind or belittle my achievements but the fact that every time I set off to work she knew there was ‘her little boy still inside’... well that just seemed a strange thing to think. I had no idea what signals I must have been sending out for her to think that way. What was even more worrying was... was it just mum that could see it or was it obvious to anyone with eyes? Was I only fooling myself that I was a ‘big boy’ and really everyone knew about that ‘little boy inside’? # Mum lay with me that night and gently stroked my head until she was sure I had no further questions. To begin with there seemed loads and loads of arguments but whenever I was about to voice them I got it into my head that dad agreed with mum and I should just relax and become the person I am... not the one I thought I should be. There was no denying I was growing up, well you can’t grow backwards, and yet...? Mum had said at some point that I was a conundrum – I was very enthusiastic but that very enthusiasm caused anxiety. It wasn’t something I could always balance and then anxiety took over and when it did a dummy was needed to help calm the situation. As I slept that night I was trying to piece it all together and find areas where I disagreed but the truth was I did want my comforts; the nappies, I did like a bottle, I loved the fuss and I’d been so happy when I could just let go and play with my toys. Living with my family meant that I’d be loved and protected and not only allowed to live such a life but positively encouraged to toddle as a toddler would. I smiled around dum-dum at that particular thought. Of course, that was the other thing... all my life I’ve relied on a dummy and nappy to see me through any upset. If I looked around I still had those things and although I’d harboured thoughts about losing them, they were still very much part of my life. How often I’d relied on dum-dum to calm me I couldn’t think, maybe thousands of times over the years. Another thought entered this head of mine – why had everything happened so fast? It seemed only a short while ago I was excited about getting a job and embarking on my adulthood and now... well... did I ever even have an adulthood to talk about? Was I always a little boy just playing at it? Did time stop for me when dad died and I’d been living a dream? I thought of dad and this situation... the one he’d seemed to be getting me ready for since I was a toddler. I wish dad was here now. After he’d died mum had taken up the challenge and now the family wanted to be part of letting me be just that... me. The realisation that my future had all been planned out but I just had to find my own way there came as a shock. Dad’s voice in my head seemed loud and clear, “Sweet baby boy everything’s going to be all right.” At that moment the weight on my chest lifted and all seemed well. He’d tried to prepare me from when I was little and ‘different’ not to be scared of who or what I was... so now was the chance to be that boy daddy, erm, dad, ummm, daddy knew me to be all those years ago. # I wondered if everything happened for a reason and found when we arrived at Gran’s all the things I’d put a blue sticker on had been brought to the house, and all those with a green sticker had been given away. The green to GO was as mum explained stuff to go that I no longer needed. The Blue was stuff to stay, what I wanted to keep and stay with us. This was the complete opposite of what I thought the colours meant. However, the result being... all I wanted to get rid of was back with me and all the grown up stuff I wanted to keep had been given away. Gran said it was Kismet but I had no idea what that meant. However, we couldn’t have had a more enthusiastic greeting when we finally moved in. Aunty had made a welcome meal, which was rich with flavour and unlike anything I’d tasted before... and that included the KFC bucket from Deliveroo. There were cakes and buns and pop (wine for mum) hugs and kisses and a glow about Granny that lit up the room. It was quite fascinating to see the difference that our permanent arrival meant to her. I got quite giddy with it all and made an excited mess in my protection, which Gran said she’d see to, much to mum’s relief as she’d had a couple of drinks by then. When I was laid out on the changing table in the basement Gran ran her hand over the thick hard bulk of the disposable that I’d peed so much and so often into. “Well little love,” she smiled, “it seems that my sweet little grandson likes to fill his nappy to capacity.” She said pulling the plastic away and ripping the tabs apart. “So, let’s get you into something such a clever boy needs, eh?” It was like she still thought of me as a toddler but there was something I desperately wanted to know. “Granny,” I waited until she’d inspected the full nappy and had begun to grab the wipes. “How did you know I’d lose my job?” She smiled. “That would be telling... don’t you like a mystery?” I saw she was teasing me but I wanted to know. “Please Gran...” “Well love, I didn’t know for certain... we have shares in several companies. Your granddaddy was a master at investment and I suppose he got me into reading the business section and taking an interest. So, I read the papers and follow the news,” she confided, “and noticed a paragraph that had a brief mention of where you worked and were looking for investment. However, a few days earlier I’d noticed a piece about a Dutch company that was expanding into the UK and put two and two together... “ So, no sorcery just simple business knowledge. It seemed an obvious reason and I was suitably enlightened but a bit disappointed. I shouldn’t have asked and it would have remained a wonderful mystery. All the time this was being explained she’d effortlessly cleaned me up and sorted out a thick fabric nappy with extra soaker pads. That was the great thing about this changing area, there were shelves, drawers and cupboards just filled with a large assortment of nappies, disposables, pads and covers, oils, powder and who knew what else. It was like an Aladdin’s cave but instead of jewels and gold it was a treasure-trove of items for a big baby who loved to wear and use his nappies. “I want my baby boy to be comfy, secure and happy,” she whispered as she pulled up the final piece of containment, a pair of shiny thick baby blue rubber pants that tightly held everything in. “I know this is what you want because your daddy thinks they suits you.” I wasn’t sure what she meant except she looked toward the train set and nodded as if in some kind of acknowledgement. “Your daddy and granddaddy... all of us are so happy you decided to come and stay here.” “What?” but I didn’t get a chance to pursue the question as she slipped a dummy she had in her pocket between my lips. The sweet taste of honey reminding me of the special milky treat mum had reintroduced me to and I relaxed. I was home but my thoughts suddenly swerved to why had Gran decided now was the time for our return to the family home? # A few days later and mum and aunty had gone to see a local production of Fiddler on the Roof, which I didn’t fancy. Granny was sitting on the sofa, which had been unusual for her as she found the upright orthopaedic chair more comfortable and easier to get in and out of. “Well love, it’s just the two of us tonight... fancy a movie and some popcorn?” “That sounds great Gran but don’t get up I’ll do it.” “Nonsense sweetheart,” she sprung up and was on her way to the kitchen before I had chance to move. “We have caramel popcorn, salted popcorn or cheese and onion crisps... any of those tickle your fancy?” It was quite remarkable that since our arrival at the house Gran’s health had improved in leaps and bounds. She was even finding the stairs up and down to the basement easy to manage, which had been quite a surprise. She put this down to a new ‘energy’ that my presence had given the place but, I’d also heard her mention to mum that it wasn’t just my presence that energised our home. Meanwhile, I was waited on hand and foot and dressed permanently in the clothes of a toddler; dum-dum pinned to my shirt for easy access. I didn’t think I was under any pressure to dress a certain way I just did. I liked the freedom a nappy covered with plastic pants gave me but I also had a wardrobe full of other clothes. When we went out there was always something appropriate, if childish, that I was dressed in without any complaint from me. I loved the short dungarees there was something both childish yet grown up about them. Well I thought so anyway. They all seemed to know automatically what I wanted to wear... it was like magic. However, there were no long pants, nothing to cover my legs so shorts were the main item if we went shopping or somewhere special, which suited me just fine. “Caramel please Gran.” “I thought my little sweet-toothed baby would prefer that.” She chuckled in a most un-granny like fashion. As I listened to her getting things together in the kitchen it seemed she wasn’t only talking to herself but there was a conversation going on with someone else. But there was only her and me so who? As I say I couldn’t get over how the last few days had seen a massive improvement in Gran’s movement and stamina. She said that having me around made her feel young again and that certainly appeared to be true. The thing was, it wasn’t only Gran who was feeling young again so did I. For now, I didn’t have to do anything except be me. Everything was done for me and, at that moment; I just lay there in thick padding and let Gran pamper her favourite (and only) grandson. # Since arriving I’d felt myself slipping back to when a little kid. No one tried to stop me, in fact, if anything, I was urged to let go of any pretence of being grown up. Aunty would regale me with memories of when I was a baby and the fun we had. The twinkle in Granny’s eyes when she reminisced about what I was like as a loving toddler encouraged me to cast off any reservations I may have had and live life like Granny said, “When the family was at its happiest”. All those heavy questions I’d had in my head just a few days earlier had now slipped away and it was simply down to playing and hearing about how terrific it was to live here in the Lakes, and what a wonderful time we all had when I was little and were going to have again. Of course, the air is clean and fresh, both the mountains and lakes providing a non-stop variety of mini-climates. The views spectacular, even the sheep in the field behind us made living here a wonderful experience. It’s a return to how things had been and I took to it like a duck to water and embraced all that was offered. One night Granny led me up to her room, she was as nimble as anything and I was pleased to see such an improvement. I thought she’d invited me up to show me some old photos or some such thing but instead she’d run a tub in her en-suite bathroom. “Now love, I want you to leave everything, and I mean everything to me... don’t speak just relax and let Granny treat you to a lovely foamy bath time.” This was completely unexpected but in the few days I’d been there I just simply accepted everything I was told and did as everyone asked. There was no shame or bashfulness about being seen naked seeing as they’d all changed my nappy a few times by then. To them I was simply a little boy who needed looking after and they would do their best to make sure I was in need of nothing. She slowly stripped me and looked most pleased when I was down to my protection. I was wearing clear plastic pants and a rather thick, lush cartoon disposable. “My, my sweetheart, you certainly look content in those.” I was about to say something about them being my favourite but again Gran just gently shushed me and slipped a dummy between my lips. Once I was naked she helped me into the warm suds and commenced giving me a complete and thorough wash. Gran seemed to slip back into reminiscent mode. “You know sweetie, your daddy loved it here in the Lakes. If it hadn’t been for work I don’t suppose he would ever have left. It was a shame his adopted family couldn’t keep their house over the road but whenever he could he’d bring you all back up here for a visit.” I loved it when Gran spoke about dad because there was always a great deal of affection in what she said. With the warm water soothing every part of my body, and as she gently sponged my skin, it felt glorious. However, a flash of guilt made me shiver because I do know that since dad died our visits had got less and less. It wasn’t that we didn’t like it at Grans... actually; I’m not too sure why we didn’t come up as often. “... but you’re here now so that’s all that matters”. I caught the last bit of Granny’s thoughts; she was smiling and appeared to be so content. My head was empty so was just enjoying this bit of juvenile bath time fun with all my toys and Granny looking after me. Of course she was very thorough. She checked I kept my ‘down there’ hair-free though wasn’t that hairy a person anyway so the fine body hair could hardly be detected. Meanwhile, there wasn’t even the smallest place her probing cloth and sponge didn’t reach. Gran moved to another area of her memories. “You know...” she whispered as if telling me a secret, “When your mummy and daddy wanted time on their own I used to treat you to a lovely sudsy bath just like this. You’d giggle and pretend to swim or build soapy bubbly towers... it was one of our most favourite times together.” It was strange because as she was saying this I was also remembering what fun being in this place used to be and once again it made me wonder why we ever left. Meanwhile, from a small plastic toy watering-can she dribbled clean warm water over my head, which for no apparent reason had me giggling. She got me to stand up in the bath and rubbed more cream all over my body, again not an inch wasn’t covered. We waited a few minutes as she checked the bottle and re-read the label. “In a minute sweetheart you can slip under those suds again and you’ll be as bright and clean as any little baby should be.” She smiled and I was so relaxed it didn’t quite sink in what she was telling me, except, as she had since I’d arrived, speak to me like I was a little kid. Effortlessly I’d slipped into becoming what seemed to be the general opinion, I actually wasn’t nineteen, or anywhere near that age. I stopped trying to be anything else and it was incredible just how much it didn’t seem to matter. Gran’s obvious love and devotion eventually gave way to getting me out of the bath and a comprehensive drying down. Once every little crevice had been patted dry and inspected, then came the oils, creams and powder for all those ‘at risk’ areas. I was completely smooth, I could feel that something had changed the different way the oils slipped over my skin but I wasn’t worried, Granny knew what she was doing so everything was fine. Once that had been carefully rubbed in I noticed she’d already got nappies ready. Thick white terry cloth squares were folded and extra soaker pads added as she spent a great deal of time making sure, with large colourful safety pins, it was held together just right. Once the huge cloth pillow was in place she wriggled up a pair of pink plastic pants, which was followed by a nice pink onesie that clasped under my crotch. Next came a fluffy footed sleeper with vivid cartoon safari animals all over it that she helped me into and zipped up the back. “My lovely baby boy, mmmmmm” she said with approval, “it’s just like it used to be... you look all nice and settled now.” I was. My eyes were heavy and although it was barely 9pm I was ready for bed. That night, with dummy in mouth, I slept in Granny’s bed with her and had the most wonderful night’s sleep I’d had since arriving. When in bed she snuggled up to me and held me in her arms and whispered in my ear. “When you were little you used to love this, Granny making sure you slept all cuddly wuddly.” It was true, I did feel safe and secure as she rubbed my tummy in circles like daddy used to do. “Just relax baby boy... you have nothing to worry about... everything is...” “Gwanny.” “Yes baby.” “Oh... ish oo wate.” My dummy adding a babyish context to the slight hiss as my nappy flooded under her gentle circular motions but I was almost asleep so it didn’t matter. “That’s OK sweetheart...” she continued to make those relaxing circles, “little boys are allowed to fill their nappies.” No guilt, no thought as I simply drifted off knowing Granny was there to look over me. It was a wonderful feeling of genuine love. # There didn’t seem to be one definition for autism so the family had settled on being ‘different’. Over the past few weeks, and quite possibly for even longer, mum had watched as I immersed myself in nappies and the pleasure they gave me with the excuse to be a kid again. There was no more talk of autism, or more especially about me being autistic, I was simply ‘special’. She was convinced that it was only a matter of time before I realised where and what I wanted to be and that Granny’s house was the safest place on Earth to pursue that essential part of who I was. At times it felt weird that I could think like an adult (though less and less these days) but behave like a pre-schooler. I loved being able to walk around wearing a onesie or footed sleeper holding my thick padding in place. The women in my life made sure I wanted for nothing and the house was indeed full of love and security. It was wonderful to be able to snuggle up to any of them and be received with a smile, a cuddle and of course a loving pat on my padded bottom. In fact, whenever and wherever I needed changing there always seemed to be a supply of nappies nearby to accommodate my need. Mum had gone mad ordering loads and loads of different styles, colours and designs, they weren’t exactly piled high on every surface but each cupboard or drawer seemed to harbour a stash that could quickly be pulled into service. They seemed to get as much from me wearing them as I did. Actually, it felt very comfortable when there was just me and Gran, she encouraged me to suck on dum-dum as she said it not only made me look incredibly cute but could see in my eyes the lack of worry. Like mum, she was a great devotee for the use and effectiveness of that wonderful silicon bulb in a boy’s mouth. “You know sweetheart,” she’d often say as she tucked me in on a night, “Why parents take away a child’s dummy is beyond me when they’re so obviously needed to soothe away problems... no matter how old they get.” With that she’d slip it cheerfully between my lips and settle down next to me. Sometimes when we spoke it was like she was sharing a secret. She would tell me of earlier times when I visited, some I’d completely forgotten about. Like one time me and her and daddy had gone into the village only to be chased by a ram that had somehow walked in and decided it was its territory. It chased everyone but seemed to take a liking to our little group but wouldn’t leave us alone; that is until the farmer came and took it away. She told loads of stories of bubble chasing (still a great favourite), camp outs, fishing expeditions and insect hunts, all including daddy or granddad and finished her tale with a whispered ‘thank you’ to their spirit. “I thank you for bringing the family back together...” I heard her murmur more to herself than me. That was when; sucking dreamily on my dum-dum, I convince myself that after all, she was some kind of sorceress but a fairly benevolent one. However, I’d decided that it was her who’d made everything that had happened to me happen. Also, dressed as I was in my babyish attire, was how she liked to see me. It reminded her of earlier, happier times, which I suppose to an extent she was reliving. “Gwan, I wuv oo tewing mi abow dada bu I weawy do schwill mwiss himmm.” Dum-dum giving me a childish lisp but she seemed to understand. “I know love, and I miss your granddad,” she gazed down at me and looked serious but happy. “But, whilst we have them here,” she pointed to my head, “and here,” she pointed to my heart, “they’re with us always and you can feel their presence all around when you think of them.” # It appeared that whatever had made Gran terminal was in remission, which she said was down to me being “the sweetest boy in the world”. Don’t ask me why she’d come to such a daft conclusion because not a moment of it made any sense but there again, I couldn’t make sense of much of my current situation... except I was like Gran... getting younger by the minute and happier than I thought I could be. Meanwhile, I’d shuffled down the list of movies available and settled an old Disney classic “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves”. The poster for this ancient piece of cinema history was one of those on my wall in the basement. I loved the colourful artwork and was surprised to see just how old it was, however, I’d never actually seen this original version. Gran said it was one of her favourites and when she saw what I’d chosen hoped I’d enjoy discovering such a trailblazer for animation. She started singing a song which I vaguely knew and it was only then it dawned on me that this was a musical. I liked the idea of me and Gran sharing this experience together. Surprisingly, Gran had a very soft and melodic voice and knew all the numbers. I knew Hi-ho. It was good, and so was the sweet flavoured popcorn but my eyes were fluttering a little towards the end. As the credits rolled Gran took the empty bowl and bottle back to the kitchen and I heard her turn on the microwave. I suspected we’d both be having hot chocolate to finish the night. It was a drink I remembered having when visiting in the past. A couple of minutes later she returned with what looked like milk in a baby’s bottle. “Now sweetheart, I just want you to relax and let Granny nurse you.” I was already pretty relaxed but wasn’t sure I wanted milk on top of all that popcorn. However, mum had gotten me used to taking the bottle and reintroduced me to the fabulous concoction that was simply milk and honey. Anyway, there was absolutely no resistance as she slipped the rubbery teat between my lips and I snuggled into her arms. She let me get comfortable and then tipped it for me to drink, Granny knew me so well because I immediately sucked in the warm sweet treat. “That’s my boy.” She patted the thick padding and stroked the lovely new slinky rubber pants that held it all in. “You make me feel young and vital Jason... and I love my sweet little baby enjoying Granny’s special milk.” Granny’s soothing words and gentle rocking soon had me slipping into a total contentment. In fact, I doubt if anything of any note was there as my mind blanked and just relied on any natural reflexes. I slurped it down with not a care in the world relishing the creamy honey flavour as she patted and stroked my slinky padding whilst encouraging me and to drink it all. “There, there sweetheart, there’s plenty of that for our special little boy.” She rocked me in utter pleasure. “You just need to keep enjoying your milky treat, wearing those lovely thick fluffy nappies and delight in the love of your family because daddy thinks... now everything’s alright. # ##### # END ###### ##

Just one more chapter to go... hope you'll be happy with the ending.

Glad you found and enjoyed one of my old stories. Hope you find one or two more as appealing. Thanks for the comment it is really appreciated. ?

Part 29 Mum had filled a glass of milk to help wash down the Big Mac and I clumsily knocked it over myself, the sofa and carpet when she jolted at my question. “Right,” she said as she dashed off to get a cloth to wipe it all up, “sippy cups and baby bottles for you from now on.” “Sorry, I’ll...” She busied herself getting stuff from the kitchen my query forgotten as she proceeded to go into SuperMum mode. “You just stay where you are I’ll see to it... I don’t want to make it any worse.” I wasn’t sure what she thought I was planning on doing but was probably correct that my interference would only make the situation worse. On this occasion my bib hadn’t saved the day and somehow I’d soaked my t-shirt. The liquid had been repelled by my rubber pants (tick) but both the furniture and carpet looked like they needed urgent attention. Thankfully, mum was very speedy. “OK love,” she wasn’t angry just efficiently getting on with the clean-up, “why not change your shirt whilst I sort this out?” I didn’t need telling twice and waddled slowly back upstairs to fish out a clean top. I used a dry bit of the t-shirt to wipe down the water-resistant pants and tossed it into the laundry bin. I had very few clothes left as most had already been sorted and sent on ahead but found something pale blue in one of the drawers and put it on. I looked in the mirror and laughed to myself. The huge nappy and top I’d decided to wear looked exactly like what the baby was wearing in the nappy advert. “OK,” I thought, “perhaps mum’s right, sippy cups and baby bottles from now on.” # When I returned mum was still gently dabbing away at the carpet with kitchen towel. “It should be alright... I don’t think there’ll be a stain.” She then smiled benevolently at me. “I knew a glass was asking for trouble and yet stupidly went ahead and poured you one.” I liked that she was blaming herself and not me. “You weren’t to know how clumsy I’d be.” I tried to take some of the blame back. She shook her head. “Baby, these days it’s just asking for trouble.” What did she mean.... these days? Did she think I was now incapable of eating or drinking without making a mess? I mean, had she noticed something I hadn’t or was she just amused that her nappy wearing son had spilled his milk like a little kid? She looked at the last piece of kitchen towel and saw it was barely damp. “I think that’s all of it.” There was a pile of soggy pieces of kitchen towel, a sponge and some cleaning product so she’d had a pretty good go at protecting everything but I just shrugged and made myself comfortable on the sofa trying to avoid any damp spots. # I could hear mum in the kitchen tidying up and putting stuff away then I heard the ‘ping’ of the microwave. A moment later she came in with the very thing she’d threatened me with, a baby’s bottle full of milk. “Here,” she offered it to me, “this’ll calm you down.” Of course, I’d had a brief moment of panic when I’d spilt the stuff but otherwise I was relatively calm. I eyed it with suspicion and asked if she was joking. “Look, your Gran said that she used to give you a bottle of warm milk with honey when you were little and you loved it...” I suppose mum, Gran and Aunty had spent time discussing the past when she was up there helping out. So no doubt this little nugget had surfaced but why in a bottle now... I’m not a little kid. I tried to move the conversation on. “Is that why there’s so much milk in the fridge?” Mum sort of bounced her head from side to side as if to deflect the answer “Maybe.” “Mum, I’m nineteen in a few days... I think I’m past all this now don’t you?” “Well love, I’m not sure you are and what’s more, I don’t think you do either.” She was making a point. She offered the bottle closer but I wasn’t definite what she meant so baulked at taking the nipple between my lips. “Do you want me to be a baby?” I probed in equal seriousness . “Do you?” and she pushed the bottle so close that a small droplet leaked out and on to my tongue. I licked and the sweetened milk tasted wonderful. I opened my mouth to speak again but mum just gently slipped it in “Drink sweetheart... it’s what you need.” I wasn’t convinced but everything seemed to be aiming to this point and although my head was crying out ‘No’ my reaction was to stop complaining and drink the lovely syrupy offering. She held it there until I’d got the sucking motion under control and then let me take it from her. She lifted my legs so I was laid out on the sofa and gravity helped as I began to empty the bottle with delight. It was very tasty. “That’s better.” Mum said once I closed my eyes and she could see I was enjoying the experience. “Your Gran always said it’s a sure-fire way to calm a boy.” I was too busy nursing on it to offer any further comment and it certainly beat spilling milk all over the place... every drop went into my tummy and not all over the furniture. I had forgotten when I was little how Gran used to get me to drink milk with honey or some other flavouring and just how much I enjoyed it. Granny’s Special Milk she called it and I used to look forward because it was exceptional. This was bringing back some very soothing memories. Mum made me budge up so she could sit in the corner and let me rest my head in her lap. I did this for a few moments but then slowly manoeuvred me so that I was resting in her arms to suckle on the bottle. In this position she could rock gently and pat my padded bottom. Even though the TV was still playing I heard her softly begin to hum a little tune. I was calmly being returned to the place where I was at my most comfortable. Mum automatically knew this whilst I was happy to slip into that little space she had so recently introduced me to. Actually, I’d been there many times. It was my favourite place to go where everything was snug and welcoming... I just didn’t know it had a name. I even drifted off for a moment and was surprised that in such a short space of time I dreamt. Daddy and mummy were both there holding me and saying what a sweet baby I was and that I should have no worries because “...everything’s going to be alright”. I was content and despite it not being that late could feel myself losing consciousness. I finished the bottle and yawned. “Bed?” She queried. I nodded and sat up and she swiftly replaced the bottle with a dummy. “Right you go and I’ll be up in a minute to tuck you in.” I just carried on sucking dum-dum and drowsily made my way up to bed. Though I didn’t need tucking in I was in a place that meant I wasn’t against the idea either. Mum could do what she liked I was too tired and relaxed to react. # I was dead to the world before mum must have come into my room. I know this because when I woke up the following morning I was hugging my teddy and that hadn’t been with me when I went to sleep. In fact, I thought I’d put all my toys and such things in a box to go. However, more pressing was the fact that the sweet milk had passed through the system and soaked my thick padding. So it was another damp start to what looked like another damp day. Somebody once sang ‘I Don’t Like Mondays’ and I could identify with that sentiment. Although I was feeling cosy and warm, there was clinginess in my nappy that made me think I might have done more than simply saturate it. I explored further and found, after releasing the seal my plastic pants had made all around, I had deposited another load in the seat. I shuffled out of bed, the mess feeling odd as it slipped around my bum and stood there looking at myself in the mirror. Then a thought from the night before that I looked like the baby from the advert, had never seemed more appropriate... you are a BLOODY BABY. Perhaps I now need that extra rib of protection around the leg and waist to prevent anything escaping. I tried to recollect what dreams I’d had and although I knew I’d had several I couldn’t remember them with much clarity. One did start to come back and that was when I’d crawled into bed between mummy and daddy. I was still a toddler so they were happy to have the intrusion and I squealed in delight as they played with teddy and me. Eventually, I settled down and daddy stroked my belly and made circles with his fingers saying how proud he was of his sweet baby boy, and that made me happy. O-ho... that’s when I’d filled my nappy - daddy’s fingers rubbing my tummy invariably induced a little bit of wind... and occasionally more. So, despite being ‘a sweet baby boy’ I still had a package in the seat of my padding that needed to be unloaded both in my dream and now, so lumbered to the bathroom to sort it out. Although I could hear mum going about her business downstairs she’d left out all the things I’d need in the bathroom as if she already knew what had happened. Maybe she had or she might have just been assuming, seeing as it was now becoming a more frequent occurrence. Anyway, I was grateful that I didn’t have to search around for anything and a clean nappy and fresh plastic pants were ready after I’d taken a shower. It was a thick pink disposable with matching cover, so, when I returned to my bedroom already wrapped in them, mum had been up and laid out a pair of loose grey jogging bottoms and fleecy jumper. I remembered her saying that she wanted to make an early start today as she had things in town to organise and she’d drop me off so I could sort out the photo. # On the trip into town she kept asking if I was excited at making the move permanent. I said I wasn’t sure but at least with such a tight timetable I knew where I stood. I was also scrolling through the photos I’d taken of Billy and Mark and would have liked copies of them all but decided to do what I’d planned first and maybe at a later date print out the others. I didn’t know why I hadn’t transferred them to my laptop yet... I’d make sure to do that later. We parked up and mum said that I should meet her back at the car in two hours. I wasn’t sure how long my side of things would take because I also wanted to get Billy a card so in the end we settled to meet in the café opposite. Then, if one of us was late at least we could sit in relative comfort and have a cup of tea or something. Mum was planning on visiting the Estate Agent that was dealing with the sale and also wanted to sort out deeds and transfers at the bank, followed by a trip to our solicitors. She had a very busy schedule but went in the opposite direction to me as I sauntered along the High Street aiming for the Photo Shop. I loved the way my padding was holding everything tightly and appreciated the subtle rustling sound and thrilling sensation with each step. Because it was such a dull day and a bit cooler than it had been mum had of course got out my loose fleecy bottoms to hide the padding whilst out in public. However, I really wished I’d worn shorts as I always feel better if my legs aren’t encased... I suppose that’s why I’d taken to wearing just protection and little else these days. When I thought about it, not only have I been encouraged to just wear a nappy about the house, more often than not it was what I preferred. No wonder mum had taken to regularly calling me ‘baby’, though it hadn’t registered until that moment. However, the thickness of my padding between my legs, and the rub of it all against my ‘equipment’ meant it was very pleasing and I really wouldn’t have wanted any other stimulation ‘down there’. On my way I passed a ‘greetings card and novelty’ shop and stopped to see what their selection was like. It was huge, with special offers of ‘four for the price of three’ and large cards with balloons attached for those ‘special occasions’. They had comic, anniversary, sympathy and congratulations as well as the usual Happy Birthday type card sections but now came the big decision; did I want funny or serious? Strangely, what seemed a simple task took quite some time and I went around the store, from the humorous section to cards with ages and... well... the massive variety was making me most indecisive. I was even distracted by the novelty items on display of snow globes, ornaments, spoons(?) and specially prepared smelly lotions ‘for the one you love’. Anyway, I was in there for over half an hour trying to get the right card to express my feelings without it being too soppy or stupid. Eventually I found a Special Occasion pile and sorted through them and found one with no message inside. However, what it did have was a nice hand drawn outline image of two faces and the words For a friend, which I thought appropriate without being sickly. # Then it was on to the Photo Shop and was surprised to find it so busy. I suppose it was the people who had special occasions over the weekend desperate to get their mementos like me out of their cameras and onto something more substantial. The machines that printed out the pictures were all being used so whilst waiting my turn asked about their offer to frame the results. Of course there was a vast array of ways and means of presentation; from simple frames, photos encased in plastic or rendered on canvas... the list was inspiring but was going to be more expensive than I thought. However, I had money so decided Billy was worth it providing the job could be done straight away. The nice lady assistant said that it could be done in about an hour so I could wait or come back. As happened a machine came free and she helped upload the desired shot from my phone. “Well those boys seemed to be having fun,” she commented as the image appeared on the screen for checking, though I don’t think she realised I was one of them. “What a lovely, happy and natural photo.” I quite liked her comment. Once the 10”x 8” was printed out and I was satisfied with the couple of little extra flourishes she made on the filter and I’d chosen the shiny chrome frame, I left her to get on with the job, whilst I went off to explore other stores. # As I walked along thinking how nice my padding was feeling I almost walked past Jimmy Floyd who worked in the same department as Tom and I at Collins. “Hi Jason,” he stopped and I suddenly recognised him. “Oh hi Jimmy, how’s things?” I wasn’t really there for a chat but I’m not the type who ignores folk so stood and waited for him to tell me any gossip there was about me, or to ridicule me about what he’d heard. I was expecting the worst but he seemed to have other things on his mind. “God Jase, don’t know how you did it but your timing couldn’t have been better.” Now he had my interest. “Yes, you and Tynan seemed to have got out just in time.” “What do you mean?” I was intrigued. “Yes, it appears that the company is about to be taken over by a Dutch conglomerate and we ALL might be out of a job soon. You two choose a bloody good time to leave...” “What?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I also didn’t know if by that he meant Tom had left the company or just moved to London like he’d inferred in his text. “Yes, we’ve all been informed there will be redundancies and everyone is under scrutiny and those who can’t or don’t want to move to the London Head Office, which is just about everyone... who the hell can afford those house prices...” “Good grief,” I interrupted his flow, “I bet that’s come as a bit of a shock?” “Yes, and that awful Tridwell man came back so everyone’s blaming him.” I wasn’t sure if he was joking or not but he seemed agitated at the mere mention of the twat’s name. He looked at his watch, “Look Jase, sorry, I’d love to chat but I have to go... I have an interview.” He smiled, “It’s really been nice seeing you again... sorry we never got to have a final drink but...” He shook my hand and then he was off, whilst I was left stunned at this latest piece of news. He never mentioned any gossip and never said anything about what the other members of the group thought. So now I was left wondering about my situation, would I get that letter and pay off or will that be instantly forgotten now I wasn’t around to cause trouble. Nevertheless, it did remind me I’d have to let HR know my new address; I’d send an email when I got home. # Of course Jimmy had piqued my interest and, if it wasn’t in the other direction, and a fair old walk, I might have popped in to try and find out more. Who was I kidding? I wouldn’t have got passed reception but I did wonder what exactly had gone on and why, when I was there only a week or so ago, was there no mention of such a takeover. I then wondered if that was why they offered me such a ‘reasonable’ severance package, to avoid bad publicity that might have scuppered the deal. Maybe, that’s why they offered such compensation, because they knew they’d never have to pay it. Then of course, as I felt my nappy warming to the worried flood I’d just let loose, a little bit of reality crept in... I wasn’t that important in the grand scheme of things. Unfortunately by then my nappy was well and truly full and I went to sit on a bench next to an old man who smelled even more of pee than I did. However, he looked at me in disgust and wandered off mumbling to himself. I got a call from mum who said she was running late and that perhaps it might be better for me, if I was fed up of waiting, to get a bus home. I told her I had to wait at least an hour before I would be finished but agreed it was better not to just hang about and I’d meet her there. I squished the front of my slightly bulging pants and hoped they’d last until then but, in the meantime as it had started to drizzle, I needed to find a place to hide until the framed picture was ready. I made my way to the small pedestrianised area where a load of shops would keep my interest for a few minutes at least. After moping about from one shop to another and trying desperately to drag out time I headed back to the Photo Shop. The other customers had gone and the nice lady was sitting behind her counter doing paperwork when I walked in and immediately her eyes lit up. “Ah, your job’s ready.” I could see she wanted to say more but wasn’t sure if she should. “I bet mummy’s very proud of her boys.” Did she take me for a kid having realised I was one of those in the shot and just collecting this on behalf of ‘mummy’? Whatever the reason I was really pleased with the result. We looked so blissful and without a care in the world, I just wished that was how we could all stay - nappies and innocence. “We all are,” was all I could counter with and she put it in a bag and thanked me for my custom. I was almost at the bus stop when I realised that we had no wrapping paper at home so it was back to the Greeting Card shop to buy some with a nice design. I remembered that Billy’s treat of special disposables from his parents were purple so I found some shiny foil to match. I just hope he liked the memory as much as I did. # Again I was on a bus with a soaked nappy but I’d peed enough to make the gel in the disposable quite solid so when I sat down, the large bulbous front made my joggers stand out. I kept my bag over the bulge but also a furtive hand rubbing it because it felt so smooth and silky. Luckily the bus wasn’t full so it was a very stimulating journey home and I needed a change even more when I got in. Mum arrived home two hours after me but brought with her a couple of microwavable shepherd’s pies. Meanwhile, I’d cleaned myself up and wrapped Billy’s present with the idea of going round later to give it to him. I knew it would be the only chance I had before we’d be off and I wanted to check Billy and me were ‘OK’. I heard the ‘ping’ of the microwave so sauntered down to the kitchen as mum was serving it with peas and carrots... and a glass of milk. “Are you sure you trust me?” I asked jokingly. “Yes, of course you’re right...” and she took the glass away and transferred it into a sippy cup. I was astonished but then she grabbed a bib from the counter and fastened it in place. “Mum, what are you doing?” I asked incredulously. “Making sure my little sweetheart is all safe.” “Yes mum, but all this babying is getting to be a bit much.” Although I heard the words come out I’d made no attempt to change things. I didn’t go and get the glass back nor did I try and remove the bib. Of course as she looked me up and down I realised that I was once again wearing only a t-shirt, nappy and a lovely pair of shiny plastic pants. “Mmmm,” mum said and then ignored me as she shovelled more peas onto my plate. # She shrugged and I saw there wasn’t going to be any movement from her so I just settled down to eat. She watched as I used the sippy cup and seemed happy and could then get on with her own meal in peace. I asked if she’d done everything she needed to do in town. “Yes love, it took a bit longer than I hoped, kept bumping into folk I knew so had had a conversation with each one... but also had some last minute instructions for the agent and wanted to let a few others know our new address, including the Post Office to redirect any mail.” “Oh yes, never thought of that.” That reminded me I needed to send an email to Mrs Garfield in HR, which I’d simply forgotten about. Too busy choosing my nappy from the vast selection of two types I had available, pink or purple. The rest had already departed to Grans. We made small talk and I told her my spectacular news; Collins’s was being taken over and everyone was on a possible redundancy list. We speculated about who, why and when but came to the conclusion we had no idea. However, our conversation did remind me again about sending that email to Mrs Garfield. As it was I hadn’t checked my bank account to see if last month’s salary had gone in yet...so, better check that first I guess. Later I mentioned about popping round to see Billy after we’d eaten as I hoped to give him his present. “Good idea because we may not have time tomorrow as the men are coming early and we need to get what we’re saving loaded in the car so they don’t take anything we want to keep by mistake.” I nodded between mouthfuls of shepherd’s pie, which was surprisingly very tasty. When we’d almost finished I remembered the question I’d asked the day before but had then just slipped my mind. “Mum, the other day I overheard aunty and Gran saying something about someone being autistic... do you know who they were talking about?” I saw mum’s motherly smile slightly alter and she sighed. It took her a few moments to compose herself but then spoke. “Well love, it’s a bit of a story so why don’t I tell you about it when you return from seeing Billy, mmm?” “Oh, OK... it wasn’t about me though was it?” I winced in case it was. She smiled and patted my padding. “I’ll explain everything when you get back sweetie but don’t worry everything’s going to be alright.” # tbc #

Hi guys Thanks for still supporting the story and the first mention of 'autism' is when Jason overhears his aunt and granny chatting but doesn't know to whom they are referring. I hope over the next couple of chapters all will be revealed. Hugs to everyone because Spring is in the air and I'm feeling that way out.?

Part 28 As I sauntered home other thoughts inevitably emerged, for instance; after we left this neighbourhood would I ever see the boys again? Despite Mrs Edwards’s assurance I didn’t feel Billy was thinking the same way about his situation. I suppose it was my own selfishness that made me happy the boys were made to wear nappies. I liked the idea it wasn’t just me and I thought, after the fun we’d had trying on all the different styles that they’d also found some kind of appreciation for them. Maybe I was deluding myself and they were just humouring me or simply needed a break from their more regimented home life. Although, after the look of anger on his face maybe it had come to a turning point for Billy and he’d no longer be part of the direction his parents were forcing him and Mark to take? After what their mother had said I think for the first time ever I was siding with the boy’s parents. They’d got them all to a state where there was some kind of understanding in that household where, as far as I’d ever witnessed, there had never been before. I’m not sure if I’d use the term happiness but certainly there was a huge shift in the atmosphere... a more positive shift. Before... that was the thing... that was the word... before what? Nappies! Nappies had made the difference and no matter how much Billy might dislike that fact, it was obviously true. Mark was now the one who had no problem with them and, up until my visit, I thought Billy was the same. However, it was a thoughtless comment from their mother that had caused the shift so, as I wasn’t going to be around, it would have to be her to sort it. I only hoped that Billy would see how things had been recently and how much better it was for them all than the alternative. However, I knew he had a wild and often belligerent streak which had been kept in check. Would he release it once he was eighteen in a few days’ time? I know it was a selfish expectation but I was hoping that both lads would end up like me and just love nappies – the fun, the fit and the delight in their thick comfort. I thought I’d seen them developing in that direction but perhaps it was my giving it more emphasis than they were. # Mum was on the phone when I got in. She was explaining something to somebody that it all needed to be done by Tuesday morning. As Saturday was fast disappearing I realised once again just what a tight schedule mum had made for us. I suppose it was so that ‘second thoughts’ wouldn’t distract us and that dragging out the inevitable was a daft thing to do. “A clean break and then we can all live our lives as we should...” was something I heard Gran say to mum at one point. There was no disagreement and once they saw me listening changed the subject. In some moments of reflection I was dreading the move, There were few neighbours who I hardly knew and I didn’t have a job to go to. Gran had quite happily said that I didn’t need a job as, “...we have enough money to survive”, which was delivered with a wink. This didn’t help and yet at other times I thought she was right, this was the best, most opportune moment to start again. Gran was insistent that it was the best move for me and for everyone and should have happened several years back. When she changed my nappy and I was sucking on a dummy, it was hard not to agree. # Mr Grant arrived with his Transit van and, under mum’s supervision, was loading various items into the back. I thought he was going to be coming up with us on Tuesday but, as mum pointed out when she got off the phone that he wasn’t now able to do that run on that day and was only available to take things up now. He slammed the rear doors closed and said he’d be off and deliver them to Gran’s place. Mum nodded and watched him depart down the road and then turned to me. “Now we’ve re-thought what to do things are happening fast sweetie. So, that’s most of the items we want to keep on their way and the rest can fit in the car when we drive up... now... right, oh yes, how did your chat go with...?” “Not sure.” “Well you don’t sound very enthusiastic... have they said they won’t come?” She looked concerned. “Not exactly but Mrs Edwards said something that might make it all a bit iffy.” “Iffy, eh? Well I’m sure they’ll be able to sort out whatever that is... you’re pretty good mates after all.” “S’pose so... let’s hope, eh?” I wasn’t convinced. # I went up to my bedroom and noticed that all the boxes, suitcases and bags that I’d labelled had been removed and it looked very bare and unwelcoming, which has never been the case before. I struggled out of the tightness of my jeans; it had been an uncomfortable encounter wearing them over my padding and was glad to shrug them off. When I checked I was more soaked than anticipated and needed a change but was still a little depressed about my brief encounter with Billy. Still, lying on top of my bed were several of the disposables mum had left out and, after a quick wipe down in the bathroom, eagerly found some comfort in the soft and welcoming folds of that multi-layered fabric with happy bears running around. I heard myself sigh as I appreciated the nappy’s soft, fluffy support and was so glad to feel the tension I’d felt at the Edwards’ begin to lift (cute cartoon characters will do that). My dum-dum was in my bedside drawer so that was the next step, a t-shirt and finally to re-use the pair of plastic pants I’d worn for my trip to see the boys. They were still nicely malleable from the heat of my body so slipped up over everything with a soft swish. I heard mum calling from downstairs so as this now seemed to be my regular outfit waddled down to see what she wanted. After the restriction of my jeans, this felt the right thing to wear because it was so cosy and, to me at least, friendly. “Ah, there you are love,” she smiled, “Look, whilst you were over having your chat, between us, Mr Grant and I have managed to get rid of quite a few of those items we didn’t want and dropped them off at various charity shops and the shelter for the homeless, OK?” She waited for some response from me but I simply sucked on my dummy, it was so relaxing I didn’t really want to get involved as mum was doing such a great job without me. “Meanwhile, the rest of the stuff is on its way up to the Lakes so that’s one less thing to worry about.” She let out a huge sigh, which I think meant that most of the work was done. She saw me looking a bit disconnected and came over for a reassuring hug... with the obligatory pat on my padded bum. “I know things seem to be happening quickly love but don’t worry, everything’s going to be alright.” # Next week would be Billy’s birthday, eighteen and in law at least regarded as an adult. I wondered if he was going to celebrate that significant landmark or if his parents might have other ideas. Unfortunately I wasn’t going to be around but thought about sending him a card with the invitation (and reminder) to visit, I still wanted his friendship. However, I was uncertain how he now felt about me and just hoped that any animosity he may have wasn’t permanent. Mum had decided she didn’t want to cook so we ordered in and sat on our sofa with a bucket of KFC and a two litre bottle of Pepsi. The chicken was as succulent as ever but I just love the seasoning and could have simply gorged on that. We sat and ate in front of the TV and watched mum’s favourite detective series. Not sure what it is about mum and dead bodies but there are a few of this type of show she likes. Anyway, she drank wine and I just about finished off the entire bottle of cola. I was so full my tummy bulged out the top of my nappy which had us both tittering with greasy-fingered glee. Later, feeling both fat and full we started to watch an old comedy, which weirdly was about a family moving house and all the pitfalls that befell them. I hoped none of the silliness and problems of things going missing that dogged their move would echo in ours. It was approaching midnight by the time we decided to call it a day. My nappy was only slightly damp so decided I didn’t need a change it could wait until the thing was solid and heavy in the morning. As it turned out it was that and more. # I had a very restless night; when asleep I was dreaming, and when awake I was thinking of all sorts of things I just couldn’t shake from my head. One of the dreams, needless to say, involved Billy, except this time we (including Mark) were sorting through my vast selection of disposables. On this occasion Billy hated them all and was cutting each one into pieces and then throwing the bits in the air like confetti. I was crying at the destruction but he wasn’t bothered, he kept saying I deserved it for being a “rotten mate”. When I did sporadically wake up my mind began to think about our permanent move and how I’d no doubt be kept wearing a nappy and plastic pants all the time. For some reason, the fact I didn’t have a choice both angered and pleased me, which just shows how confused my brain was with the entire situation. Anyway, when I eventually woke up properly my pillow was soaked in drool, bedding tossed all over the place and my nappy had leaked and I’d wet a huge part of the bedding. Not only that but I’d filled the seat of my nappy and I had no idea why. I was both tired and revolted despite the fact that crapping in my nappy wasn’t the occasional thing it once was. The air was fetid and the view through my window showed that the nice weather had turned a murky grey with the promise of rain not far off. So, the weather was depressing as was my mood. # Mum had said that I’d come to rely on my nappies and never more so as I waddled to the bathroom. It wasn’t that surprising it leaked seeing as those clever little bears were holding the best part of two litres of re-cycled Pepsi. The disposable was rock hard with the amount it had been able to soak up and hung heavily in its plastic pouch. I looked at myself in the full length mirror on the back of the bathroom door and there was no doubt about it - I wasn’t a working nineteen year old go-getter, I was a nineteen year old baby who desperately needed his mummy to come and sort him out. I’m not sure how long I just stood there looking at myself and sighing but the thought had hit me as to what would have happened had I not been wearing such an absorbent disposable. What, for instance, would it have been like if I was in underpants or out in public and it had happened? The public would quite rightly demand that this over-grown baby should be kept in nappies and not let out of his mummy’s sight. I was still thinking about this when mum appeared at the door asking if she could help. “Baby, I’ve just seen the state of your bedroom and wondered if you were having problems...” She came in and patted my full bottom. “Oh love, there’s a tear in the plastic no wonder you leaked onto the bed. Better lose them...” and she began to pull my plastic pants down to release the heavy and gross nappy. “Mum, I can do it,” I pushed her hand away but it lacked conviction. “Yes I know baby but, I think all this worry about the move is affecting you more than I hoped. So, this mess,” and she patted the full disposable, “is partly my fault as well so...” She took control... and as usual was so grateful I didn’t have to think as she cleaned me up and sent me to my bedroom for a change of nappy. # A thick and comfy purple disposable was the answer to my depression. As soon as mum pulled up the matching plastic vinyl pants my mood changed. It was so noticeable that she commented on it. “So, it’s not just cartoon undies that cheer you up?” I had to admit that once in a fresh thick nappy most of life’s problems seem to disappear. Well, if not disappear, then become irrelevant to the comfort such an item brings me. I ran my hands over the slippery cover and was glad of the padding that protected my genitals and softened my bum with layers of super supple fabric. I pulled a plain white t-shirt on and ventured down to the kitchen. We only had either cereal or toast and mum had made a pot of tea so it was quite a speedy affair for Sunday breakfast. A quick call around my other friends found them all engaged... either with family or at University. I got to speak to Ralph directly but he had other plans though said he was sorry I’d be moving away. I told him he could come visit and he said that was a great idea but, now he was full time at his dad’s grocery business, he hardly had time for anything and that included holidays. I said that the invite was open and just call if he needed a break. He said he was grateful for the offer. Meanwhile, with James and Killy I just left messages on their phones that I was leaving and hoped they’d get back to me. However, I realised that since I started work (now not a problem) I had more or less ignored my mates from school apart from Billy and Mark. So, maybe they’d moved on and started, like I’d hoped I had with Tom, a new chapter at university. As I scrolled down my contacts for anyone else to let know of my departure I came to Terry. I paused to think about him and that led to a sudden ejaculation into my lovely, freshly applied nappy. How he could produce such a reaction after just one session I wasn’t sure but did I want him to know I was leaving, or was it fun to get the occasional message telling me just how horny he was? I started messages to both him and Tom but in the end didn’t send either. I wasn’t sure if I was playing a game or if I just didn’t want my departure to be that final. Anyway, they didn’t get to know that by Tuesday evening I’d be a permanent resident at Granny’s place up in the Lakes. # With the weather being a bit grim it was down to final checking and making the place appear more desirable for any future owner. I had asked mum if she’d thought about renting it out but simply answered she didn’t want all the hassle of a tenant. I suppose I was hoping for a possible way back if we still owned the house but mum wanted a clean break. By lunchtime we’d done what we could do and said she was going to drive over to one of her friends and take a few bits and pieces for her to have and did I want to go. I said I’d rather not and she didn’t push it, which I was grateful for. After the experience of wearing jeans over my nappy the day before had really put me off sporting anything that held me that tightly in discomfort. Yes, I’d finally come to the same conclusion as mum, Gran and Aunty, a nappy and plastic pants were what fitted me best and in truth it felt cosy to be dressed that way. I was also hoping that by some miracle the boys might turn up for another nappy session but of course they’d be disappointed as most had been packed and were possibly now residing at Granny’s place. Still, I’m sure we’d find something fun to do although, with most of my stuff, including my video games, which were also on their way to Grandma’s, we might have to dig deep into our imaginations. After mum had gone I called the Edwards but as it was a landline it just rang and rang. I looked out and saw the car wasn’t in the drive so they at least had not been worried about a few drops of rain. I wish I’d seen them go to check if they were still wearing nappies, I was sure I’d be able to tell even from that distance. Anyway, the opportunity hadn’t arisen so it was left to my imagination to visualise the scene. Oh heck, the same thing happened as when I thought of Terry... this can’t be right. # As mum said she’d be away a couple of hours I did the rounds of the house again to just check for myself. Even though there was still quite a bit of furniture left, with paintings and knick-knacks all parcelled up and sent on ahead the place didn’t feel as friendly as it used to be. It did feel strange to be leaving a place I’d called home for nineteen years. I had a little weep when I remembered dad and wondered what he’d think of us leaving. However, I’d asked mum that question and she’d just said that wherever we were dad was always with us. I settled in front of the TV and watched various bits of programmes but just couldn’t settle on any one thing. Finally I arrived at the Cartoon Channel and of course found my mind happy to chuckle along to various characters and their silly antics. I got a call from Aunty who said that all our stuff had arrived and she’d sorted it and put it in my room. I asked her how Gran was and she said there’d been a slight dip but the fact we were soon coming home (yes she referred to it as home) had made her buck up. Later, Gran came on for a brief chat and said she couldn’t wait for our return because the place “...just wasn’t the same without us.” After the call I checked the kitchen cupboards and found very little to eat. Of course there was bread, butter, jam, honey, cereal, tea, coffee and milk (in fact quite a lot of milk we’d have to get through) but all the packets and tins had been packed away and sent on ahead. I wanted to make something for when mum returned so she didn’t think I’d just been lazing around watching TV. I returned to my seat in front of the screen and there was an advert for a new line of nappies for babies (it had an extra protecting leg grip to avoid leaks). I sat and looked down at my own nappy and had to agree that thankfully my plastic pants gave me that extra layer of protection I couldn’t really do without. I wriggled on the sofa, well aware of just how I would look to anyone looking out of the telly at me. At first I thought I’d be embarrassed but ‘NO’, like the baby in the advert, I was just happy to be swaddled in a lovely, comforting nappy. And that baby was bouncing up and down in his newly designed padding so he seemed VERY happy. Everyone, and when I say everyone I mean mum, Gran and aunty, had all thought the way I dressed at that moment was how I should dress all the time. Not that they’d spoken about it out loud it just seemed to be tacitly agreed. They’d decided in one way or another that I wasn’t ready to grow up and I suppose this preference just confirmed it. I smoothed my hands over the soft and slinky mass and had to agree, if I wasn’t allowed to wear it I wouldn’t be happy. Maybe, just maybe, my family knew best on this point and I should just be content, to be happy? # Mum arrived home having bumped into Mr Grant who said the delivery of our goods had gone to plan (not that we thought it wouldn’t) and envied us going to live in such a beautiful part of the country. Apparently Gran and aunty had made him welcome and plied him with tea and cakes after he’d unloaded our things. He said he didn’t often get such lovely treatment from other clients and told mum that even though we’d be based in the Lake District, if we needed someone with a van, distance was no object and he’d make himself available, which mum thought was very nice of him. Time had just flown by and I hadn’t realised how late it was. She’d been gone almost six hours not the two anticipated and I’d just pottered around watching TV and generally keeping myself occupied by going to the window to see if I could see Billy and Mark come back from where ever they’d been and possibly catching their attention. Unfortunately, the car wasn’t in the drive so guessed they were out on some epic journey I wasn’t privy to. I got a little bit envious because I was alone and they had each other. When they’d been here last weekend and we’d had our ‘session’ I’d taken some surreptitious photos with my camera phone. At one point I put it on timer and slipped in between them and was surprised at just how good the picture had come out... and in focus. It had been a bit hit and miss but all three of us were in shot together and all acting naturally playing with a heap of colourful disposables. We looked like we were enjoying the experience so decided that I’d go into town on Monday, find a digital photo shop and have a copy framed as a birthday gift and maybe get a copy for myself. I told mum the plan and she said that there was a place on the High Street that could do that whilst I waited, which was just what I wanted. “OK love, what do you fancy for dinner tonight?” “I searched for something but didn’t realise we’d packed the lot up and sent it on.” I wanted her to know that at least I’d looked. “Well that’s very thoughtful of you love but do you fancy going out or getting something delivered?” “I can’t be bothered getting dressed,” I felt my nappy and was surprised to find I was soaked. I think mum could tell from my sudden expression what needed to be done. “Look, why don’t we order and whilst that’s on its way we can get you changed... OK?” I nodded. “Well, we’ve had pizza and KFC so how about a couple of Big Macs and fries... and milk shakes?” “We have plenty of milk... so how about ice cream... no, no... a McFlurry with Galaxy or caramel... mmmmm?” “Oh mum that sounds so good.” “Is that a yes?” She teased. I nodded enthusiastically. “OK but you’re wearing a bib because I have yet to see you negotiate a Big Mac and not have the mayo or ketchup drip onto your shirt. It was true so couldn’t really argue. # Mum put in the order and then pointed upstairs to get me cleaned up. Because it was getting late she opted to get me ready for bed and wondered, after the mess I’d made earlier, if perhaps a double disposable might not be a good idea. I said we could try it and see but it was quite thick. However, the white, substantial shiny rubber pants she pulled over it all held it together pretty well. Almost as soon as we’d finished there was a knock on the door but as mum had gone to wash her hands I waddled downstairs to answer it. There on the doorstep stood the delivery boy who I used to go to school with. He looked me up and down “So the rumours were true” he snarled as if I repulsed him. Then more or less threw the bag at me and without waiting for a tip, trotted down the pathway to his scooter and off he shot. Being dressed as I was had become so normal to me it hadn’t even crossed my mind when I answered the door that it could be someone who might comment. Still, I wasn’t that bothered, I wasn’t going to be around for much longer so it mattered even less. Besides, the Mackey D's smelled wonderful so that was my main concern. The bib had been needed because not only had there been drips of the sauces, a large piece of gherkin was also present by the time I’d finished devouring it all. The ice cream treat was wonderful and again I felt full and fat by the end. “Mum we’re going to be huge by the time we get to Gran’s if we don’t stop going mad with Deliveroo.” I teased as I stroked my belly and finished off the piece or vinegary gherkin. Then I remembered something I’d heard earlier and forgotten about. “Mum, who’s autistic?” # tbc #

Just added an additional paragraph to the end of chapter 27, which I hope explains Mr and Mrs Edwards reaction a little better? Thanks to all who are reading this and the next chapter will be with you soon. Thanks Les

Thanks Maly for your support and wetdiaper55 for your ideas... there's a bit more to come yet so I hope you'll be happy with what Jason ends up doing. ? Hugs

Part 27 Everything’s going to be alright. Why wouldn’t it? Was I reading too much into a simple expression of compassion? If so, why had it found a nagging space in my head and taken up occupancy? # I was charging around following mum in what seems to have become my uniform. She’d made no effort to make sure I had pants on and to be honest it didn’t really bother me much either. For me, once plastic pants were on and holding everything in place, it was as good as wearing shorts anyway. Well that’s as I saw it. She asked about Mark’s visit and, because I wasn’t sure how much, if any, of what was said she knew about I told her the latest development in the Edward’s household. “Good heavens,” mum concluded, “you’ve certainly made your mark there.” I wasn’t sure if she was making a pun about Mark’s name but as she just carried on checking drawers so I didn’t comment further. “Mum, I want to invite the boys up to Granny’s to stay a while... do you think she’d be able to cope with visitors?” “I don’t know love but I’m sure she’d make them welcome, in fact, any friend of yours would be made welcome.” I think she’d forgotten for the moment that I no longer had a boyfriend, my old school mates were either going off to Uni or working full time so was a bit low on ‘friends’. I sort of nodded in agreement but knew that I’d have to think carefully before I did such a thing as have sleepovers but mum had carried on speaking. “...and of course you’d need to get their parents agreement. Do you think they’d do that?” In fact, ‘sleepovers’ had me chortling to myself... nineteen and thinking about sleepovers... and getting excited about the idea. “Well, I’m not sure but according to the Mark, his mum and dad are besotted with me and think I’m a good influence on them so...” “Mmmm, so maybe then?” “Well, I can ask and... umm... it won’t be for a while yet because they’re in school and the end of term isn’t for some time.” Then mum had a thought. “Shouldn’t Billy be going off to Uni any time soon?” “No, sore point, he failed his A-levels and his parents insist he stays on until he gets them.” “I can imagine that didn’t go down well...” “No it didn’t. I think it was a protest. I think he failed on purpose but he wouldn’t admit to that... not even to me.” Mum nodded but I sighed. “Billy’s a bright lad but sometimes, well, maybe he just picks the wrong thing to pick a fight about. However,” I added on a hopeful note, “according to Mark things are better.” “Oh dear, I hope you... erm,” she changed the subject “I guess you didn’t tell Mark your news.” I have no idea what her hope was but answered anyway. “No, he seemed so happy I didn’t want to upset him but... I’ll pop round tomorrow and have a chat... and with their parents.” Mum saw me shrug and heard another different sigh I didn’t mean to let escape. “Look love... I know this is a major upheaval for you, for us both, but I think it’s the right move at the right time.” “I, mmmm,” I shrugged “I guess but I’m really going to miss my friends...” Mum pulled me in for a reassuring cuddle and of course a pat on my slippery fabric bum. “Everything’s going to be alright love, you’ll see.” That ‘pat’ on the bum is always reassuring; I suppose it’s because of the distinctive sound of skin slapping plastic. Well, maybe not but it’s special to me because I associate so many other emotions with it. Daft eh? # I’d left my phone by the side of the bed so when I went up I was surprised to see another message from Terry. Dick hard - need tight place to shove it. Well one thing you can say about the man is he’s pretty direct. I saw that the message arrived over two hours earlier but, as I lay out on my bed fondling the huge silky heap of nappy and plastic I thought once more about what we’d done and what we might do again. Within seconds I’d made a mess and the greasy deposit felt weirdly nice as I rubbed it into my cock through the layers of material. I don’t quite remember how many times throughout the night that happened but I had one slimy and soggy nappy by morning. # Despite my frenzied night I wasn’t sure if I should meet or even reply to his text. I was moving away so wouldn’t have to see him again but also thought it might be a bad idea to return to the scene of the crime – cheating on Tom. However, as Tom and I were no longer an item... perhaps? Whilst I lay there enjoying the slippery bulk of my vinyl-wrapped nappy I allowed myself to wonder - what if? I mean, last time we shagged it was at Tom’s place and were unencumbered by restrictions. The noises I’d made, the blustering encouragement from him, and the size of his dick had made for a pretty wild ride... a few times. I was very enthusiastic myself, it was like I’d found a new toy that I liked so kept playing with it over and over again. However, doubted I could invite him here in the days we had left and, doubted even more, that we could go to his. And, although mum said Granny would welcome anyone to her house I thought that a beefy guy like Terry shagging her ‘innocent’ grandson might be taking too much for granted. Thinking of the other ‘problem’, did I want to come between him and his wife just for the sake of a quick (or not so quick) fumble? Maybe, it was best to let sleeping dogs lie and start afresh up in the Lakes. It seemed that these days my lust was more in my head than in any form of actual sexual interaction. Then a parallel thought hit me – where was I going to make friends? Here I’d been at school with the friends I had but once I moved there... I didn’t have a job so how the hell was I going to meet people? I stopped rubbing my plasticky mound because a touch of depressed realisation took over and felt a spurt of dejected pee join the rest of my well-greased padding. # ”Morning love,” mum was her usual upbeat self as she awkwardly came into my room juggling some boxes, “thought you might need these to start packing your clothes, nappies and stuff...” I was still under the covers but no doubt she had at least a suspicion I was soaked. She fished something out of her pocket and brandished them in the air. “Blue stickers for leave, green stickers for go, OK?” she put them on the dresser. “Just slap one on the boxes or items and it will make sorting that much easier rather than re-checking every time. She checked through one of the piles of nappies. “We can leave a few out,” she said sorting out both a couple of fabric and disposables for the next couple of days. “Are you getting up or staying there?” She smiled but had the expression that meant - get up and start helping. I don’t know why but until then I’d not given much thought about meeting new people. “Mum, where am I going to meet people or make friends when we move and what am I going to do for work?” She looked a bit surprised at my question, no doubt detecting the concern in my voice but gave it a bit of thought. “I’m not sure love but the place is always full of visitors and I’m certain you’ll have no problem finding friends.” However, I could tell she was a little bit doubtful about her answer because she quickly changed the subject. “Look love, we need to make a start on this packing business so why don’t you get changed and give me a hand, eh?” “OK, just leave the boxes and I’ll start in here.” Mum exited quickly and left me to sort myself out, which I was quite grateful for. I didn’t want her to examine what was in my nappy... I’d have been more than a little ashamed. # I cleaned myself up; put on one of the disposables mum had left out and, as I planned on visiting the Billy and Mark, found a jumper and some jeans to finish off. The jeans were quite tight and felt a bit uncomfortable, it would appear that I’d become used to wandering around in just a nappy and plastic pants with an occasional pair of shorts. Anyway, I thought I’d look more adult when talking to their parents if I wasn’t wearing just a nappy. Meanwhile the boxes began to fill. I planned on taking all my clothes but was surprised that I had so many and loads I hadn’t worn for ages. I suspect, because I was working and getting a bit older I’d just preferred other styles and was amazed at how much of the younger stuff I’d kept. I didn’t think I was keeping it on purpose just forgot to get rid I suppose? Anyway, I put it on a different pile because mum said she’d take clothes and other things to the charity shops so they’d have another life. Once full, I left the colour-coded boxes in my room and went to sort out the garage which had tons of old crap stored there. Of course, we didn’t need any of it. Mum decided that instead of putting it all in storage, as we weren’t taking that much, even our beds we didn’t need, she’d get a house clearance company to come on Tuesday morning and empty the place before we set off. Meanwhile, she’d contacted the Estate Agent and a House for Sale sign would also be set in the front garden and people would be able to view the empty house from Wednesday... that was the plan. Once she’d made that decision, we relaxed a bit realising that a lot of the heavy work would be done by the clearance people. I went out into the back garden and was surprised to see mum pegging out a bunch of my fabric nappies on the line. “Where have all those come from?” “Oh yes, apparently I forgot and left a few in the washing machine before we went up to Granny’s. So thought, with those and last night’s I’d get them washed, dried and packed... which reminds me, on second thoughts you need to wear only disposables whilst we’re here. Don’t want to be washing any more before we go.” The large white fabric squares were caught in the light breeze, whilst a couple of pairs of plastic pants hung motionless at the far end of the washing line. There wasn’t the slightest trace of embarrassment on my part with these objects of childishness... they were just a measure of my night time necessity. “OK, that makes sense. I’ll pack the ones left out and grab a couple of others for...” “Yes love you do that,” she looked me up and down. “Are you going somewhere?” “The Edwards’s car’s back in the drive so thought I’d see if the boys are in and tell them the news.” “OK then, good luck...” not knowing what the reception was going to be like she smiled a hopeful smile. As I left a van drew up and it was Mr Grant who I suppose had come to discuss things with mum. I said “Hi” and set off. I was nervous as I always appeared to be when talking to their mum or dad. I felt the first dribble into my nappy. “Oh God I hope this isn’t going to be an emotional disaster” I thought to myself as I walked the final few yards to their front door. # “Oh hello Jason,” it was Mr Edwards who answered my knock. “The boys are helping their mother unpack the week’s shopping in the kitchen. Hold on I’ll go and get them.” He opened the door and beckoned me in. I was trying to work out exactly what I wanted to say and how but could hear laughter coming from the direction of the kitchen and hadn’t heard a lot of that in this house before. Now I was really nervous about telling them I was leaving and another spurt joined the last. Billy came out chuckling about something, but as always these days looking like he was just back from church dressed in shorts, jumper and neatly combed hair. “Hi Jase, great to see you, where’ve you been?” He came over and gave me a hug. “Oh, erm, up at Granny’s place in the Lakes.” “Very nice, only ever been up there once and thought it was wonderful. Dad you remember that trip don’t you?” There was a relaxed atmosphere that I’d never experienced here before but it was really nice to see. “Yes, we stayed at The Grove bed & breakfast if I remember correctly... an old witch of a woman ran it but the rooms and food were excellent.” He laughed at the memory and so did the Billy. “Do you know if the The Grove is still there by any chance?” “Sorry,” I had no idea, “doesn’t ring any bells but there’s no shortage of places.” “No, suppose not,” Mr Edwards mumbled with a touch of disappointment. Mrs Edwards popped her head around the kitchen doorway hugging Mark. “Hello Jason, lovely to see you again,” she too was smiling but I wasn’t used to seeing all the family together and looking so... jovial. “To what honour do we owe this visit?” Mr Edwards asked. Still trying to take in this incredible turn-around I was taken off-guard by such a direct question, again, another spurt helped dampen the situation for me. “Erm, well, my Granny is quite ill and mum wants to spend more time up there with her so...” “Are you going to be away for long?” Mark asked anxiously. “Well, we’re moving up there to live with her and aunty.” I said trying not to look at the disappointment on Mark’s face. I was surprised to see them all look a bit distressed at my news. However, Mrs Edwards quickly tried to change her expression. “When might you be leaving us?” “Well,” I interrupted a bit too urgently, “mum has already put the house up for sale, and the movers are going to be here on Tuesday... so... I’m only here for...” Billy came over and was almost in tears. “Oh Jase,” he hugged me tightly, “why do you have to go?” “Now, now William,” his father said, “Jason has family to think about and if his granny isn’t well then perhaps it will be nice for her to have him around.” “Yes Mr Edwards that’s true but I also wanted to ask if it would be OK for the boys to come up and visit me some time... I’d hate not to see them, erm, everyone again?” By this time Mark had joined Billy in a hug and my hand automatically patted their thickly padded bottoms as they also tapped mine. “Sorry guys,” I whispered to them, “it’s all been so sudden but they’ve made me a lovely...” I was going to tell them about my bedroom and all the nappies we’d be able to play with but thought better of it in front of their mother and father. I looked up to Mrs Edwards hoping for a positive answer but she looked a bit lost, this was not the woman I’d grown up scared of. “Have you given up your job or is there somewhere near your gran’s...” “No, I’ve left Collin’s... erm... my probationary period was coming to an end and I wasn’t enjoying it as much as I hoped, so...” “Oh that seems a shame especially when they were happy for you to wear your nappies there...” I don’t know why she brought that up but I just agreed with her. “Yes, that’s true but there’s always someone who wants to be a jerk about that and I met that person so...” “So, the timing has worked out?” Mr Edwards intervened. “Surprisingly yes,” I could feel both Billy and Mark squeeze my padding. “Please don’t go.” Mark whispered in my ear. “Sorry, but I don’t have a choice. However, I’d love it if you two were regular visitors.” I looked up to Mrs Edwards hoping to get an affirmative answer. The atmosphere in the room had changed so dramatically from one of cheer to one of sadness and I couldn’t believe I was the cause. “Well, the boys have school so...” she looked briefly at Billy. “Yes but I’d love it if they could come up during breaks...” “Well,” Mr Edwards spoke at last, “I suppose it would give their mother and I a break for a day or two so... why not?” The boys let out a “Yeah” and hugged me even tighter. “Fantastic.” I replied relieved that at least they would consider it but for some reason another trickle of pee joined the rest. My lovely disposable was getting quite solid with what had dribbled out of me and been soaked up by the thirsty material. “Mum can we show Jase our, umm, presents please?” Mark said excitedly. She took a moment to think about it. “Well, it was his idea so I don’t see why not. You boys need to thank Jason for all he’s done for you. If it wasn’t for his joy of nappies you boys wouldn’t be wearing them now so... off you go.” At her words a chill ran down my back and the weight of my nappy increased. Mark was still quite enthusiastic and pulled me towards the stairs and their bedroom but I noticed Billy had grasped what their mother had just implied and pulled slightly away. # When we got to the bedroom Mark was quick to pull out his package of disposables and show them off. When he bent down to grab them from under his bed I could see the fabric nappy and plastic pants appear above the waistline. His brother had done another fine job of putting him in protection. Of course when the boys had fitted me in one they’d done a fine job and an experience I’d remember for quite some time. He displayed one of his disposables and it was the cartoon style like the one he wore as he left our fantastic nappy session. I was thrilled. I also knew from experience that they were fluffy and thick and absorbed an awful lot before you needed to change. It had been a good choice. “When are you allowed to wear these,” I asked with interest. “Only on special occasions,” he held it out for my inspection. “Yes I love this style as well... hope you get to wear them a bit more often.” Then I had a thought. “Do your mum and dad like to see you wearing them?” “Yes, I think so because otherwise they wouldn’t have bought them but... mum sees them as “an extravagance” so that’s why we’re restricted in when we can wear them. However, when we got them, she was keen to see how they looked on us. Weirdly, she seemed as pleased as we were... though in truth we were both a bit nervous about appearing in just a nappy. However, once we had them on,” he mimicked a click, “she took a photo and said she’d keep that to remind her of what wonderful boys we’d become.” I shrugged because it seemed a strange thing to say ...what wonderful boys they’d become. Meanwhile, Billy was standing in the doorway listening to what was being said. “What did mum mean that it’s thanks to you we’re wearing nappies now? “I’m not sure but has she not explained it to either of you?” I was playing for time to think of a justification. “No, one day she just took away all our underwear and said that from then on we’d be in nappies... and if we didn’t like it to take it up with dad as he had a sure fire way of making us understand. We knew what that meant so... did as instructed.” “I thought I’d already told you this but...” So, as much as I could I explained to them about the conversation I had with her about what she’d spied on our washing line. I even pointed out that if they looked now they’d see another batch fluttering in the wind. However, Billy still looked quite distrustful of what I was saying so added about his mum seeing the nappies, liking how mum and I got on and decided that perhaps to replicate our relationship – “...you’d all get on better if you wore nappies as well”. “So, it’s because of you?” Billy looked irritated. “Well no, I mean, she saw what I wore but I didn’t suggest you should also...” “Oh God, Oh God,” Billy cried in frustration, “we’ve played straight into her hands.” “What do you mean,” Mark wanted to know. “We came back from Jase’s place excited about his collection of disposables and wearing them... she now thinks we want to wear them.” “Don’t we?” Mark wondered. Billy shrugged and looked at me. “You really like your nappies don’t you?” “Yes of course... and I wanted, WANT to share that with both of you. Like I’ve said before, if you have to wear a nappy at least have some fun and enjoyment with it.” “What if you don’t want to wear a nappy, what then?” he asked annoyed with the way the exchange had gone. “Billy, Mark, I don’t have a say in what you wear but all I can do is, if you have to wear them, at least try and make it nice for yourselves. As I’ve said before I think it’s great that you brothers look out for each other and I wish I had that but I don’t... I have mum.” I could see Billy fighting with his own thoughts because he had a grimace on his face I’d never seen before and a sort of strangled “Aarrrggg” of resentment and lost hope escaped from somewhere deep in his throat. Despite this sound I carried on. “However, what I can do is share my experience and pleasure with you and hope you might find that of some use.” I hope I wasn’t sounding preachy but I was sincere... I didn’t like the lads because they wore nappies I’d always liked them... even when their parents saw them as nothing but trouble and a couple of young tearaways. We’d been friends for years so why was he doubting me now? “I think we walked into a trap Mark...” Billy was trying to keep some kind of control over his feelings. “Mum and dad want us in nappies and now know that by giving us these...” He ran out of wind but was shaking one of Mark’s cartoon disposables. I could see he felt angry and deceived but hoped he realised it wasn’t my fault. I needed to get him to appreciate that fact and how things were now. “Tell me Mark,” I asked, “you said that things had changed at home, yes?” He nodded. “Then is that change for the better or worse?” “Better.” “Are things better between you and your mum and dad or worse?” “Better.” I looked across at Billy who was sitting on his bed and I could see the padding struggling to be contained by his shorts. The thing was I was distracted by the view and mumbled a bit before I could string the words I wanted to say together. “I didn’t put you in a nappy that’s down to your parents. I wear nappies because I have anxiety issues (the sodden nappy I was wearing being the proof if proof was needed) they put you into them for their own reasons. Nevertheless, when you were over at my house the other day and we just messed around with mine both you guys had never seemed so stress-free. Somewhere, somehow, something has happened... is it not better to be happy in nappies than angry and restricted with things as they used to be?” I didn’t want to justify their parent’s decision because that had nothing to do with me but I wanted them to grasp that they didn’t have to ‘suffer’ because of it. They could, and had, enjoyed wearing nappies when they had a choice - at my house, in my bedroom, I didn’t force them... nobody had. Billy looked across at his brother who appeared a bit confused by the conversation. I wasn’t certain if that stream of words made any sense to either of them but I wasn’t prepared to take the blame for something I hadn’t done... not on this occasion anyway. Billy and Mark were probably my best friends and I didn’t want to lose them. I have to admit on a personal level seeing them now, with their padding just peeking into view, they looked amazing and not for the first time wondered if it was something their parents appreciated as well. Maybe it was weird that I got distracted by that glimpse of padding and plastic but I couldn’t help thinking how great it was to have a brother who not only put you in a nappy but was so conscientious enough that he made sure you were wrapped up nice and comfy. Hell these lads do something to my head. I sincerely hope I don’t lose their friendship. I saw Billy shrug so, although I wanted to stay, thought that was my cue to leave. # As I was about to open the front door Mrs Edwards caught up with me. “Sorry you’re leaving the area, we’ll miss you... and I know we’ve been a little scary at times but our boys needed firm discipline.” She looked across at Mr Edwards who nodded in support. “You and your nappies showed us a different, softer way... and it’s worked.” “I’m not so sure.” I said thinking about Billy’s last resentful shrug. “You know Jason,” she was thinking whether to continue, “over the last few weeks Mr Edwards and I have found ourselves doing and saying things we’d never considered before.” She paused to see Mr Edwards nodding. “You have taken us by surprise with your openness and honesty... not like any of the boys’ other friends...” As often seemed the case I wasn’t sure where this was going but she continued. “There were some developments I... sorry... we... just weren’t ready for and it was all down to that honesty of yours.” “Erm.” “We copied what we thought you and your mother’s relationship was like. We assumed a great deal and hoped our interpretation would work but you kept pushing the boundaries.” “Sorry?” I was apologising but didn’t know what for. “No need to be sorry Jason. You pushed us to act quickly even when we weren’t ready and didn’t think they,” her eyes indicated she was talking about Billy and Mark, “were ready either. However, the disposables you had the boys wear, and the surprise to us that they seemed to want to wear them, was quite the eye-opener.” I looked over at Mr Edwards whose facial expression was one of complete agreement with his wife. I didn’t know what to say but mumbled something anyway. “I just thought... maybe... they might want to have fun or something...” “That was it,” she beamed across at me, “the piece we were missing... FUN.” She looked like she’d just discovered the answer to the world’s problems. “We forgot, or more especially, hadn’t realised that was an important aspect of how you cope.” “I’m not sure that’s the same for...” but Mrs Edwards interrupted my defence. “You weren’t here when we showed them their new disposables... both their faces lit up and for the first time in perhaps ever there was an understanding between us.” She smiled at this breakthrough. “I have no intention of going back to those bad old days...” “Erm, OK but...” I was almost out of the door when she finished her speech. “Good-luck Jason and thanks again... and I’m sure the boys will be only too pleased to come and visit when they can.” I wandered back home with a very weighty nappy gripped too tightly by my restricting jeans. As I ran my hand over my bulked-out material I thought about Mrs Edwards’ use of words... a softer way and wondered if that was how the boys saw their situation. However, I was appreciating my heavy disposable as I walked and even that solid it was giving me something that underpants never could... a sense of absolute security. Nappies wouldn’t let me or anyone else down in a crisis. # tbc #

I love this story... please continue... we (I) need to know if Zack has a response to Kelly or whether she maintains the upper hand. That's my criticism... I need to know more so... Thanks Little Sherri

Really enjoyed this perspective and loved the story. Don't often get such drama in a story but was involved from the start and rooting for Hop. Thanks for sharing. Les

Part 26 When you wear padding, no matter at what age, that cushion of fabric seems to entice others to give it a pat. Mum, Gran and aunty all pat my bum after they’ve changed me, or even if I’m just standing next to them. Of course there’s a general pat, stroke or squeeze when we hug or cuddle. I’m not complaining because for as long as I’ve worn a nappy, or pull-ups or training pants, my bottom has received nonstop acknowledgement that it’s there to be fondled. When mum and I snuggle she nearly always pats my padded bottom as we talk. It’s part of the intimacy we share and over the years it has become an intimacy others seem to take for granted. The thing is I like that affection. There’s a warmth and tenderness that goes with it that actually over-rides the fact my personal space is being infringed. The fact I am wearing a nappy I suppose subconsciously or not means I want that kind of connection. I don’t know if it’s just something in people’s make-up because babies wearing nappies are always patted on their bottoms and told what good boys or girls they are. Is it a reflex thing? If there’s padding is it just a natural instinct to pat and enjoy the soft stuffing as much as enjoying the company of a child. Undoubtedly, I could get lost in these thoughts as I lay on the changing table whilst mum cleans me up and puts me in fresh thick night time fortification. It had been a lovely day but there had been so much going through my brain it was difficult to put it all into context. Tom’s text, Terry’s text, aunty changing me, the boat trip but it was safe to say, what had stuck in my mind the most was when that little lad had spanked my padded butt and got me thinking about all this stuff. # “We’ll be going home tomorrow because we need to pack and also I’ve arranged for a couple of Estate Agents to assess the house.” Mum added by way of conversation which took me by surprise. “Ohh!” Suddenly it was all serious and we were definitely moving. Of course I knew it was happening but now it was real. “What about all our stuff?” “Don’t worry love, we’ll be there for a few days but I want the house cleared so that any potential buyers have a clean canvas to work on.” She saw I was looking a bit sad. “Oh love, don’t be upset, this is an opportunity...” She was pulling my plastic pants up as she continued. Unfortunately, Mrs Garfield’s words filled my head “Let’s just say you’re finding new opportunities shall we?” I’m hopeful that mum didn’t mean the same and I was being let go. “... and then we should get a good price, the market is pretty buoyant at the moment and once we’ve paid off the remainder of the mortgage... we should be left with a decent sum.” Although I heard what mum said I was really thinking about the life I was about to leave behind. I didn’t realise just how devastated I’d feel but it was like a huge weight was suddenly dropped onto my body and I felt unable to move. My anxiety levels hit a peak and my fresh thick night time nappy flooded. The sigh that escaped didn’t go unnoticed by mum as she watched all the work she’d just done was made wet. Thankfully, mum was very sympathetic. “Oh love, please don’t worry everything’s going to be alright.” She looked sad that I was still uneasy about this move. Despite that she slowly eased down the plastic pants, unpinned the thick soaked material and began the clean-up operation all over again. “I’d hoped you’d come to terms with the move love... but I guess it’s still a little daunting.” It was and this awful worrying weight had just help expel a gallon of pee I didn’t know was in me. However, I didn’t want mum to think I was scared so pretended it was because of other worries. “No, I mean, what about all our furniture, and beds and things like that...” I mumbled. “Well, what we don’t need we’ll put into storage initially, or sell or... we can decide later. I mean all we need to bring are clothes and personal items that we haven’t got here...” “Mum, erm, what about... erm...” Whilst I was thinking of something else to say she continued to fiddle with the various items available for my comfort. I ended up with a couple of extra soaker pads filling out a fresh white nappy. It was just as well I was going to bed because, dressed as I was, I doubt I could have gotten up those basement stairs without difficulty. Actually, once I was helped from the changing table I didn’t go straight to bed I settled down in front of the train set and let my mind wander as they commenced new journeys. The extra padding and soft thick fabric was held tight as mum had thoughtfully pulled a onesie over it all and the press-stud fastening between my legs held it tight against my body. It felt nice. Also, she’d thoughtfully left a new dummy by the side of my bed so slipped that in and could feel the stress slowly begin to leave. On the platform of the main station amongst all other replica buildings were models of a family; mum, dad, little girl and little boy all with suitcases. In my head I was like them, just about to go on a trip but where to? It was all down to me, I could send them anywhere; with my dummy as a substitute whistle I was the station master, ticket officer and train driver. Their destination was in my hands, I was the master of their adventure and I could have them end up anywhere I wanted. Mum had gone and I had no idea how long I’d been playing with the trains sending them on incredible expeditions but suddenly realised that I was in charge of my own journey... so I could go anywhere and do anything I fancied. I sucked hard on dum-dum; maybe I had no worries after all. # I heard the creaking stairs but of course there was still no clock in my new basement bedroom but there was light coming in the small ground-level windows opposite. “Are you awake love?” It was mum’s voice and I stretched and yawned as she approached the bed. “Yeerrssshhh,” I said around the dummy that I’d found myself already sucking as I woke up just a few seconds before I heard mum taking on the stairs. I stretched and wriggled myself further into consciousness. “It’s 8:30 and I’d like to get off before ten as the first appointment is around one.” I took the dummy out. “OK.” Mum pulled the duvet down and I felt the slight chill of the morning cooling my legs and arms - the onesie not covering them. However, a couple of the studs had come apart and the tight garment was only held on by one stud. I flicked its release and the stretchy material sprung apart making access to my nappy a lot easier. “How’re you doing this morning?” I knew she was referring to my nappy but as I dipped my fingers under the plastic pants I was able to report I was dry. “Oh well done love... that’s good isn’t it?” “Is breakfast ready or do I have time to dress first?” “No love, get yourself ready and I’ll have something on the table for you when you emerge,” she smiled at that word. “Oh, do you want any help?” She reached out to help me out of the onesie. “No thanks I’ll cope.” Mum started faffing around and then, as if it was a huge hint to get a move on passed me a fresh towel and pointed me towards the shower. “I’ll get...” then I heard her mobile phone ring. “Hello.” I didn’t hear the rest of that conversation as I turned on the shower which drowned it out. # Once I’d dried off I was surprised to see mum had not only gone but hadn’t left any items out for me to wear. So, because the choice was mine I flipped through the stack of disposables and settled on one of my nice solid purple ones. Also I remembered it was the type that Billy had worn and taken with him after our session. I knew from experience that they’re very soft, thick and absorbent so, after giving a thorough fluffing out, taped it on. There was a pair of matching soft vinyl pants so pulled them up and then went in search of what else to wear. Because mum had used a onesie before and it had proved to hold everything nice and tidily I found a new white one in the wardrobe which fastened comfortably between my legs; the lift against my groin was nicely secure. I searched for a pair of jeans or trousers but couldn’t find any though found a grey fleecy jumper with matching shorts and thought they’d do fine. When I appeared in the kitchen there was tea, toast, local honey, jam and marmalade waiting. Gran and aunty were sat sipping coffee and discussing with mum when we’d be returning. “Well, I’m not really sure, it all depends on what the Estate Agents say, how quickly we can decide what to bring with us...” “You have everything you need here.” Gran was quick to point out. She really didn’t want us to go for any length of time but hoped we’d soon be back. “Well, yes, of course mum but, we have things we need to tidy up and finalise back home and Jason here has friends he’d like to say ‘good-bye’ to... so...” “Yes of course love,” she reached out a placating hand and saw it was shaking a little. “Sorry, you need to do what’s right.” “Don’t worry Granny, we’ll be back before you know it and then you’ll wish we’d stayed away a bit longer.” I smiled because I wanted to lift the sadness in her eyes and wondered for the first time if perhaps she might not make it until we return. At that thought I was sad as well. # On the drive home I asked mum if Gran’s illness was really that bad, but asked in a roundabout way because I was too scared to say it out loud in case it was. “Well dear, granny’s diagnosis is terminal but they don’t know how long that will be.” I felt my heart suddenly drop and found I was fighting unexpected tears. It was silly really because I should have known but I suppose I was caught up with all the preparations aimed at me and hadn’t given enough thought to her. “Look love I don’t want you to worry...” which was a silly thing to say because as the tears started so did the flood into my nappy. “She’s already confounded the doctors by still being upright and carrying on doing things but it does take its toll.” Mum tried to make light of it but it wasn’t working. “Is that why she wants me there for my birthday because she doesn’t think she’ll see another one?” I whispered the question, again worried that I might be jinxing things if I said it out aloud. “Well love, Granny has milestones. Since she was diagnosed she’s used certain points and dates to reach.” I looked at mum and saw it was hard for her to tell me all this. I suppose, because of my anxiety she may well have kept bad news to an absolute minimum. “She thinks by setting these markers it gives her purpose.” “Is that the real reason she wants us to live with her...” “Jason, I can’t stress just how much you mean to her, we both mean, but being there even for that short time has lifted her spirit so much. It’s been quite amazing to see just how well she responded to your company...” “Oh mum...” I couldn’t take much more of this news. Mum reached out and took hold of my hand. I saw a tear in her eye but we drove on in silence. It was a very depressing journey home. The thing is I was also feeling incredibly guilty. Although the family had made it all about me, there was no doubt that Gran’s state of health would have been obvious to anyone who had eyes. I was so focused on what I wanted it didn’t occur that I was being so self-centred and ignorant to what was going on around me. The fact that none of them had spelled it out was no excuse, I should have been a little bit more sensitive and I hadn’t, as always, it was all about me. The tears fell and when we arrived home I couldn’t wait to go to my old bedroom and finish my shamefaced sobbing. I was a selfish bastard who only thought about himself. # Mum left me in my bedroom to come to terms with what I now knew and had all but fallen asleep when she came up to say that the first Estate Agent had arrived to put a valuation on the house. I checked I was reasonably OK, splashed water on my face in the bathroom but didn’t have time to change my now uncomfortable and very soggy disposable. Despite the onesie I could feel it heavy and damp as the man and woman checked each room - asking mum what we were leaving and what was going. All the kitchen fittings would stay but everything else would be going into storage or coming with us to the Granny’s. An hour after they left another one arrived. He was young, very cocky and reminded me of Barnsy, I tried to hide myself away but he was the type who thought getting to know people helped his commission. Anyway, I couldn’t escape when he came into the kitchen where mum had made coffee and offered him a cup. He readily agreed and as we sat at the kitchen table he was gently grilling me about school. Now I know I look like a Year 8 at times but this got my back up; not that he didn’t know but that he assumed something about me. Anyway, I decided to play along and told him I was off because a teacher in the Sex Education lesson had made me put a ‘johnny’ on. “Oh, that can be a bit embarrassing,” he took the bait, “putting a condom on a banana?” “We had no bananas so he used me to show the class how it should fit.” I said as innocently as I could. “You’re joking,” he laughed nervously “aren’t you?” I looked over at mum, “Mum says I shouldn’t have but the teacher said I was very good at keeping it on... but the Head wasn’t happy.” Mum was nodding and sipping her coffee. I watched as he gulped too much of the hot coffee and had a coughing fit. “But,” I continued, “I’ve been suspended for running around the classroom with it on and offering everyone a chance to feel what it was like.” “Can’t return...” mum mumbled over her cup and looked ashamed at me. “Is that why you’re selling the house?” He timidly enquired. Mum deftly changed the conversation by saying we intended on leaving all the nice and expensive light fittings... and offered to show him the garden. # “That was fun.” I said once he’d gone. “Yes, but that was very naughty... we’ll get a reputation.” “Maybe, but we’re not going to be here so it doesn’t matter.” I’d enjoyed this silly diversion so was able to make that comment without peeing. “Anyway, his valuation was more than the others so...” mum looked pleased with what we might get for our home. Another shot of reality hit me and I could feel that weight returning but we were interrupted by a knock on the front door. “I’ll get it mum but then I’ll need a change.” I warned. “OK love, I’ll just wash these few things up then we can decide what we want to take with us.” It was Mark. I was a bit shocked to see him without Billy but because he was still in his uniform assumed he was just home from school. “Come in Mark.” “I saw the car in the drive and hoped you’d be home. We haven’t seen you for a few days and hope all was OK.” Dressed as he was he looked every inch like a schoolboy from a previous decade. Before I had chance to say we’d been at Granny’s mum popped her head around the kitchen door. ““Oh hello Mark can I get you a drink or anything?” “Erm, no thanks, I’ll have to be home soon.” He answered and then spoke to me in a whisper. “Things have changed there.” “Oh,” was my immediate negative reaction but he didn’t look like it was anything bad. “After we were here last time and went home with our new ‘padding’,” he was still whispering, “mum saw them but didn’t say anything to either of us. We were very nervous but just pleased to be wearing something so comfortable after the fabric ones we have to wear.” He moved in closer so his secret was safe. “Anyway, unknown to us she bought some exactly the same. They arrived yesterday.” His face lit up in a huge grin. “Bloody hell,” I managed to get out, “a miracle?” The only other time I’d seen Mark look this happy was when he and his brother were in my bedroom and trying on all the different disposables. “We got in after school yesterday and there were two large packages on our beds and when we opened them we were both shocked to discover the identical style that we’d worn here.” “Bloody hell,” seemed to have become my stock phrase. He was almost doing a happy little jig, if you can do that whilst sitting down. “But,” I added a note of disbelief, “weren’t you wearing those cartoon ones and Billy the bright purple...” “Yes, yes,” he enthused, “and mum found them online and got us some.” I wriggled in my own full and heavy purple nappy wondering if Mark was in his cartoon ones. “Are you wearing them now?” I was more than a little astounded by the news but also wanted to see them in all their glory myself. “No, mum says we should keep them for special occasions so we’re wearing the usual cotton nappies for school. BUT, mum said that because she assumed you’d given us them in the first place then it must be OK for us to wear them as well.” He shrugged as if he just couldn’t believe his luck. “Me?” “Yes, we told you, these days, according to mum and dad, you can do no wrong.” Mark declared excitedly. “Bloody hell!” # Before he went he kept saying how neither Billy nor he could believe it or how pleased their parents had been once they saw how happy and surprised they’d been about their gifts. “We’ve still got restrictions,” he went on still quite excitable, “and a pile of these cotton nappies but it means we have something to look forward to which we never thought possible.” All through this I was aware that my soaked disposable was in dire need of a change but was too fascinated in what a volatile Mark looked like. He radiated with enthusiastic excitement. “Just the thought that we have them and are available...” this time he did do a little jig. I stopped myself from telling him about selling up and leaving because I didn’t want to bring him down at such news. However, I knew I’d have to tell them both sometime but wanted to be able to back that up with an offer for them to come and stay. For that though, I’d have to talk with Mr and Mrs Edwards face to face. # Mum was busy on the phone organising things by the time Mark left and, as I didn’t want to disturb her, I went up to change myself. I looked around my room and realised that in just a few days this would no longer be mine, my sanctuary and my playground. I looked over at the screen and console where I enjoyed playing video games but had to recognise the fact that I’d had more fun swapping disposables and even playing with the train set than I’d recently had with that particular piece of electronics; the blank screen not enticing me to start the thing up. It was late afternoon, I’d stripped down, taken a shower and was just deciding what to wear when mum came in. “Ah sweetheart.” She started checking on the thick fleecy cotton nappies, more or less to get me ready for bed, but checked herself for a moment. “I know it’s relatively early but are you OK with me getting you ready for bed to save time later?” “Mum I can do it myself... you just get on with whatever it is you were organising.” “Done that now, there’s a truck’s coming on Tuesday to pack up what we’re not taking to put in storage for the time being. Then there’s Mr Grant coming with a smaller van for the stuff we want at Granny’s. So, everything needs to be packed Sunday night at the latest.” She said all this whilst folding the nappy and searching for a couple of soakers to go in it. I was holding the cream and powder which she relieved me of and pointed that I should lie out. Again I was a bit surprised at how quickly mum worked and just how quickly she could organise things. I mean, I’ve lived here my whole life so it was a bit of a wrench to make such permanent decisions but mum was all action and had things under control and arranged. She was very impressive. “There are a few empty boxes out in the garage to use as well as the suitcases for the more personal stuff. You just sort out you clothes, nappies, toys and any other thingamabobs you think you’ll need. Leave all the other stuff to me because we actually need very little.” As she spoke she’d already rubbed in anti-nappy rash cream and was haphazardly dusting the area with talc. “I’ll put my laptop and computer games in the red case...bllluuuchhh,” I tried to clear my throat as some stray powder drifted there. “I suppose I can put some of my books in there as well.” Meanwhile, as I coughed a little more, mum was slipping a large soft cotton nappy under my bum as we continued with our conversation. “Yes well, it’s an opportunity to get rid of things you don’t need and to give yourself a fresh start.” She added the extra soaker pads which spread my thighs a bit. I wasn’t sure just how much I could lose of but she was right, it was an opportunity to rid myself of those things I didn’t really need any more. “So, when are we going back?” I wanted to know. There were a couple of pins in her mouth “Newsday.” She quickly pulled the corners of the fabric and pinned them tightly together. “So soon?” I was joking because I had no idea what day she’d said. She nodded and flapped out a pair of clear plastic pants. “Legs,” she directed and I lifted for her to shimmy them up and over the nice cottony bulk. “Right,” she said as she let the elastic waistband snap against my tummy (thwack), “that’s one less thing to worry about. Now, I need your advice on what we need to take or store.” We made a great team and although in some ways I was sad to have to do this mum kept up a humorous discourse on the chance to lose some of the rubbish we’d collected over the years. So for the next few hours we went from room to room, drawer to drawer, cupboard to cupboard marking what we were planning on taking back to Granny’s on Tuesday (yes I decided she meant Tuesday). Mum patting my slippery bottom once every room was checked. They were moments, especially when she looked in a photo album and saw pictures of dad, her and me on holiday, when we got a bit misty-eyed and stopped for a cuddle. She rubbed my thick padding and told me that everything was going to be alright. She’d said this phrase a number of times over the past few weeks and wasn’t sure why. # tbc #

Thanks for your messages ? He's not functioning much as a nineteen year old so perhaps he can be convinced there's a better way for him to go.

Part 25 As I walked to the kitchen table where a bowl and several packs of cereal were waiting I saw both Gran’s and auntie’s face light up when they saw what I was wearing. “Oh Jason,” aunty said as she patted my bum and brushed over the slinky pink plastic, “these bring back some memories.” “Thank you Jason,” Gran beamed, “it’s like how things used to be. I’m so happy if this means you’ll be staying with us.” I nodded but mum answered for me. “Yes mother, we’ve both decided to take you up on the wonderful offer.” She ruffled my short hair as I poured some Corn Flakes into the bowl, “He loves his room and thinks he’ll be happy here... I think we all will.” Gran couldn’t help herself and let out a little squeal of happiness as she clapped her hand and came around to hug us both. “I can’t wait for both of you to get settled but, in the meantime, is there anything else I can get you both?” # As I sat enjoying the Flakes I got to thinking about all that was going on around me, and I didn’t mean just at the table. For one, what was ‘little space’, why had they gone to such lengths to re-create a kid’s bedroom and why were they so happy to see me wearing nothing but a nappy? Mum, and Granny to a certain extent, had tried to explain things but there was still a nagging doubt that something, as far as I was concerned, just wasn’t right. Like how come I ‘happened’ to lose my job just at the time Granny wanted us to move back? Why had Tom...?” Actually, at that moment I knew I’d go mad if I tried to make sense of any of it. The thing was I did like my basement bedroom, the electric train set had been an absolute joy. In fact, before dad died we’d planned on getting one because he liked them as well. He laughed conspiratorially and said it was something we could add to and have a fantastic railway system to take us anywhere. Meanwhile, I thought perhaps the only thing that was better than that, was my room at home full of nappies where Billy and Mark could come and play. There you go... play! That, I assumed, was what was meant by ‘little space’, where I felt comfortable playing instead of working as a Junior Lab Research Assistant. Mum also said that she was pleased I went to my job wearing a nappy because she knew there was still her ‘little boy in there’. Over the years, and what seemed more recently, mum had asked if I liked wearing nappies and obviously, if you’ll pardon the silliness, from the moment she’d bought some I’d happily slipped into wearing them. I couldn’t escape the fact that wearing them made me joyful. Perhaps Gran was correct; mum did know me inside-out and better than I knew myself. # I finished the bowl and Gran whisked it away to be washed up, whilst at the same time telling me there was plenty to watch on TV as she’d got all the latest channels for my enjoyment, and of course there was a load to discover down in my room. As I exited into the sitting room where the large TV was situated I heard mum call after me. “Let one of us know when you’re wet, we don’t want you to get a rash now do we?” Mum has been saying that for years, why did she feel the need to remind me now, was it for my benefit or the others? Of course it’s because I usually use my nappy these days but that was at work I think I can get to the loo if need be. However, I am wearing a nappy so a case could be made for - what’s the point? A couple of other things flashed into my mind like... I’m not at work now so should be able to use the toilet as normal... so why then hadn’t I? I’m not stupid, I have my ‘O’ and ‘A’ levels, so why have I stopped thinking and just let things happen? Mum had intimated that despite my ‘cleverness’ I still preferred to behave like a kid – thus the nappies. Given the choice of being a grown up or a big kid, she thinks that being a big kid would always win out. I’d tried being grown up and enjoyed it to a certain extent but needed nappies to help me through it. Now, when I thought about it, once again mum was spot-on. When I turned on the TV I was confronted by an old episode of The Muppet Show, which I was just about to switch over but Kermit caught my attention. When I was a kid I had a whole set of Muppet clothes; t-shirts, shorts, pyjamas, socks and underwear, I just loved the show and all the characters. I even had posters on my wall and whilst I was reminiscing about that I found myself falling back in love with how much fun the show was. So, there I was, wearing a pale blue t-shirt, a large pink disposable nicely covered in thick glossy pink pants, and enjoying the antics of Kermit, Fozzie Bear and Miss Piggy like I had when a toddler. I must have seen the show before because I think they were repeats when I saw them originally but nevertheless were still exciting and funny for a new viewer of Jim Henson’s surreal world. When that finished there were repeats of Sesame Street and Frazzle Rock being lined up for later in the day and I found myself making mental notes of the times. I changed channels and found SpongeBob SquarePants and on another some really old BBC kids shows like The Clangers. As I shuffled down the channels there were nearly all aimed at kids TV and I looked over to mum who was watching. “Is this all I’m allowed to watch?” Despite enjoying the show I was annoyed if that was the case. “Of course not silly,” but without further explanation returned to the kitchen where aunty and Gran were chatting. # I was feeling a bit restless so went and stood by the main front window that looked out over to the lake. I’d actually forgotten how fantastic the uninterrupted view was and in the sun, and that time of year, it all was so perfect. I remembered as a kid that we used to go for boat rides on the lake or dad and Grandad would row us out to the middle and fish, whilst I looked over the side to see if I could spy any and offer advice as to where would be best to cast their lines. We’d have sandwiches and lovely cold drinks and sit out all day watching the other water enthusiasts sailing or in some cases, powering along in speed boats. It was a thrilling day out as was every time I visited. I sat looking out, my nappy and pants billowing around me and nostalgia took over and my mind flooded with loads of similar memories of the fun I’d had in this house. It was silly really because I hadn’t visited for quite some time. There was no real reason for that it was just a bit of a drive and I had my school mates who I wanted to spend more time with than visiting relations. Anyway, I could feel regret, as well as that creeping nostalgia. Not only that, but then like mum, I felt guilty for not giving Granny enough attention as well as actually missing out on this wonderful panorama. A shiver ran down my spine as I searched the horizon for the spot where Grandad and I walked to the highest place on the hills opposite. I remember him saying “You’re a good boy Jason, shall we claim this idyllic place for Granny?” I was proud of making it that far because I was only three or four years old. I had a sense of achievement and with Grandad’s praise ringing in my ear, I squealed a childish “Yes” to his suggestion. I could even hear him making his little speech... it was as if he was whispering it into my ear. I shuddered because it seemed so real that I looked behind to make sure I was on my own. The more I sat in wonder the more comfortable I felt. Memory after memory kept filling my head and I found myself smiling as I reminisced further about being there as a child. I still could hear the echo of daddy’s and grandad’s voices clearly as we played games in the garden, hiked in the woods or had picnics along the lakeside. They were always cheerful and encouraging... why did we leave this place? # I looked down at my padding, the fact I was almost nineteen had no effect, because this is how it was and how it should be. It is when I’m at my happiest and it appears that it makes others happy as well. Hell, it made Billy and Mark happy and the idea of me wearing one even made their parents happy... so why would I not embrace what is essentially me? I rubbed and stroked, patted and fondled the slinky mass that had, certainly in the recent past, defined who I was. It felt wonderful and the comfort value of the soft padding offering a permanent hug was something I never wanted to lose. “Do you want you dum-dum love?” Mum asked when she saw me deep in thought. “Erm, I’m fine thanks, not a care in the world...” I smiled, “except, when will we be going home?” “Do you want to go home?” “Well we need to bring some of our things here, clothes, laptop and stuff, and suspect you’ll need to sell the house.” “You don’t have to go home though, I can do all that. You can stay here and keep Gran and aunty company while I sort things out.” “Will we be moving that quickly?” I panicked a little. “Sweetie, I’ve already got things underway... there’s no point in delaying...” “But, erm, I’d want to say good-bye to my friends and even offer Billy and Mark a place to visit, if that’s OK?” “Mmmm, well I don’t see why not. Your bedroom could cope with as many playmates as you want.” I looked at mum seriously. “What do you mean playmates?” She looked confused, “Well isn’t that what they are... mates who you play with?” “Yes but you make it sound so, childish.” I felt stupid because here I was sitting in a nappy and complaining mum was making me and my friends sound childish. “I’m sorry sweetheart I don’t mean to make you feel bad. What would you like me to call them?” Weirdly I was stuck for another expression as the term ‘playmates’ was now all I could think of them as. “Oh it doesn’t matter.” I said defeated. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like your dummy?” “Yes please.” I whispered, defeated in my argument. She had it ready in her pocket and strode over to where I was sitting and instead of passing it to me gently slipped it between my lips. “There you go love everything’s going to be all right.” I accepted the soothing latex bulb and took a few welcoming sucks “Fanksh murmms”. # The dummy tasted of honey, which was very nice, but as I sucked and looked over the scene outside I watched as a yacht under full sail gently glided behind a small island. I wondered if I should go exploring and find out what was there. Then I had an idea that Billy, Mark and I could do that if they came to visit. I got all excited at the prospect and found myself filling the front of my super pink disposable in anticipation. With the cover being opaque I knew it wouldn’t leak so didn’t bother to tell anyone what had just happened. I got up and wandered out into the back garden and was surprised to see that there was a lovely old fashioned swing hanging from the branch of a tree. Granny and Aunty had their backs to me as I approached but caught a little of what they were saying. “... on the autistic spectrum... known since little... his father knew...” The conversation stopped and the two’s deep conversation was replaced by encouraging smiles. “A bit of fresh air and sunlight,” Aunty Jane commented as I wondered towards the swing. “Just what a boy needs... do you need a push sweetie?” “No thanks I’m fine,” and went and sat on the swing wondering if their exchange was about me or someone else. I couldn’t quite believe how much fun it was to just slowly sway back and forth. I closed my eyes and pushed forward thrusting my legs out as far as I could to gain momentum. The happy giggles came unannounced as I felt myself gaining height with each backwards and forwards swoop. I had visions of going so high that I did a complete loop-de-loop and the thought both thrilled and terrified me. The breeze caressed my bare legs and cooled my nappy, which in exhilaration I’d added to. The wind blew my t-shirt up so my naked tummy was exposed but it felt fantastic. It was almost as if I was being helped by a phantom pair of hands gently pushing on my back. I was flying. With my eyes closed I could picture daddy behind giving that gentle shove to send me into outer space. Yes, that was it, as a toddler I remembered that was something he’d said as we played on this swing, or maybe a different swing, but I remembered his words. “Son, you’ll soon be joining the moon and stars if you go any higher.” I just screamed in exhilaration “Push me higher daddy, push me harder.” As he did I shrieked with delight. # I didn’t loop-de-loop but eventually slowed down and just gently swung too and fro. When I opened my eyes Granny was watching and looked concerned but when she saw I was OK smiled and asked if I wanted anything to drink. I sat for a moment not swinging at all but full of endorphins that made me feel alive. “You had me worried there for a while love,” Granny started, “going that high and...” “Yes it was fun thanks.” I stood up and it became instantly apparent that my nappy was soaked because of the obvious sag. “Come on Jason I think it’s time we changed that nappy, it can’t be nice...” I stopped her from adding more, “Yes OK Gran.” She patted my inflated bottom as I passed and waddled uneasily down to my bedroom. Aunty Jane was down there emptying the bins she had a plastic bag which I assumed carried the awful evidence of my nappy crimes. I noticed that my bed had also been remade and even some toys I’d left out had been put away. It was all quite tidy. “Well Jason I see you’ve got another full nappy for me to see to.” She put down the plastic bags and invited me to the changing table. “Erm, it’s alright aunty, I’ll do it myself.” Then Gran appeared at the basement entrance and saw her daughter already in situ. “Hah Jane, I think Jason needs a fresh nappy can you see to him please... save me trying to get down these stairs?” “Sure, no trouble, I was about to do so anyway but can you just check on the potatoes please... just turn them off they should be done by now.” “OK love” and Gran turned and left. “Right now mister, let’s get that soaked thing off and you into, well,” she looked at the array before her, “which do you prefer... or would you rather I choose, eh?” She was patting the padded mat so realised I had no alternative but to climb up and lie out. “There’s a good boy. Aunty will have you all safe and sorted in just a few minutes, OK?” I nodded but she also hadn’t changed my nappy since I was a toddler. Then I wondered if that was the case. I mean, they kept saying that every time I visited I ended up running around in just my protection... was that the case every time or only when I was a toddler? Was there some other reason I ran around dressed that way or were they only singling out those times I had? The thing was, when they said I’d run around wearing just a nappy I could actually visualise doing so. Also, I suppose that even these days, when at home, I spend an awful lot of time wearing only that or just shorts and t-shirt. Anyway, aunty changing me was going to be weird to say the least and I wasn’t looking forward to it. Unless the idea is, all females in the house would be taking turns at replacing my soggy nappies. “You know love,” she said looking around the room, “we had so much fun putting this room together.” “Mmm, did you?” I was slightly embarrassed to be talking like this was all normal. “Yes, mum wanted it to be everything you’ve ever wanted and so, together with your mum, photos from other people’s favourite rooms, a Top 10 most desired items for a boys bedroom and things we just thought looked cute... this was what we came up with.” I looked around and nodded as my wet nappy was removed. She chuckled to herself. “You should have seen your Granny crawling on all fours putting the track together and making sure the train set worked. I thought she’d gone mad but knew it was something you’d like. She insisted that the trains should definitely take centre stage in the room and I think she was correct; even I love a little go. She also maintained that the bedding had to be super-soft and found this particular fabric and knew it was just right for you.” “Yes it’s very ni...” “Oh love, we’re so pleased you like it all.” She excitedly wiped my naked crotch down and organised the creams and lotions that were destined to follow. I got it into my head that they’d gone to all this trouble for a child not a teenager. It was stupid because on one hand I was quite miffed that’s what they thought of me and on the other... I loved it all. Aunty was still smiling as she was dazzled by the choice of nappies. “Your mother really likes these thick colourful cartoon disposables and I have to agree... they look so sweet.” The fact that I was soon to be nineteen made no difference to her. I had a soaked nappy that needed to be changed and, as I was now going to be a resident of this household, this was how they were going to treat me. The thing is I wasn’t sure if it was a dream come true or something I should be fighting against... and what was that about someone being autistic? # Aunty was so gentle and considerate. Not that mum or Granny weren’t it was just different and I quite enjoyed those subtle variances between the ways my nappy was replaced. Of course I’d thoroughly enjoyed Billy and Mark doing it and it was only after she pulled up the fresh plastic pants to encase the thick fleecy nappy she’d decided on that I realised just how much I loved being indulged this way. Now, that sounded like I’d just made this discovery but of course that isn’t true because it’s something I’ve always appreciated. I mean I can and do change my own wet nappies, I did it at work, but I prefer to have it done for me. Mum has always indulged me on that, I suppose because she has seen me needing nappies and has been more than happy to let me wear them. I don’t think she’s ever told me to grow up, or not wear this or not suck on that, she’s encouraged me to go with what I felt I needed. As aunty finished and I thanked her I could feel the modification she’d made to the way the cotton fabric was folded. Apart from the extra soaker she’d added it had been pleated in a slightly different way and she’d found two pins, with plastic yellow duck heads, to hold it all in place. The plastic pants she’d chosen were a dull pale yellow but you could see the pins through the thin fabric. “Now then, do you want some pants or are you OK as you are?” She asked as she took a final look at her handiwork. She slid the wardrobe door open and revealed a host of stuff that I had yet to wear. “Look, some of this is easier to put on than others so why don’t I just pop you in a pair of shorts and t-shirt for the time being.” She seemed to grab what was nearest and slipped a yellow t-shirt over my head and a pair of beige elasticated shorts that hugged me tightly. She then pushed the hair that had flopped into my eyes away but wasn’t satisfied. “Mmmm?” She thought for a second before finding a comb. “I can do that aunty,” I said holding out my hand. “Nonsense, it will just take a second,” she then combed it into a quiff like mum had. “There, all set now for what the afternoon has to offer. Anyway, lunch will be ready in a minute...” she picked up the bin bags and wandered upstairs. It was then that I spotted my phone on the charger. I’d completely forgotten about that but noticed it was at 100%, there were some bars (although the area itself was not the best for reception), and I noticed I had two text messages. The first said TOM – You made the right decision. Xfering me to London. That was quite dispiriting I hoped for at least an ‘x’ on the end but alas no. Still he had thought to let me know but without any indication I was forgiven or hopefully he thought he’d made a mistake in dumping me. The next was unknown. I opened it expecting some random invite to buy something or try a new betting app or some such thing bit no – GET IN TOUCH, THAT SWEET ASS OF YOURS NEEDS POUNDING – TERRY again no ‘x’ but very unambiguous. I caught sight of myself in the wardrobe mirrors - I could have been mistaken for a pre-teen but wondered what Terry would make of me now. Immediately the thought flashed in my head - he’d liked the nappy when we’d met and had happily shagged me in the most enthusiastic way. My cock went stiff, an orgasmic shiver rippled through my body and spontaneously erupted into the front of my fresh clean nappy. Thankfully, aunty had gone by then because the little rude exclamation that accompanied it I’m sure would have caused comment. # I sat on my bed more than a little surprised. Not only about getting such a message but the reaction that followed. This was a huge wrench from the ‘little space’ I’d so easily slipped into, this was grown up stuff. The bed, well, the mattress cover and my plastic pants crinkled as I wriggled trying to decide what I should do. Do I reply and if so did I want to do what he so graphically described in so few words? There was no doubt that at the time Terry had given me something I didn’t know I wanted. When I’d thought about it after the event I didn’t do much to dissuade him and whilst it was happening I hadn’t thought of Tom until much, much later. He was large, vigorous and took great pleasure in shagging lads. It had been a bit of a surprise when he mentioned a wife. As I thought about this my hand began to rub the smooth bulge under my shorts. I could feel the sticky deposit against my skin and my arse muscles were tweaking at the memory of what we’d done. The thing is... part of me thought seeing Terry would be too grown up and the other part thought it was time to enjoy that aspect of my life again. I was drawn out of my confusion by mum standing at the top of the stairs and letting me know that food was on the table. I had no idea if she’d seen me rubbing away or not. “Well you’re looking very, erm, smart,” she commented on what aunty had put me in. “It’s such a lovely afternoon fancy a trip to the lake later?” I quite liked the idea of that so jauntily made my way up to join the others. My grown up decision-making was going to have to wait, whilst my childish excitement of possibly going on a boat was far more important. # Mid-afternoon and mum drove us all down towards the dock. Passing where dad grew up I saw there’d been some building work. “There seems to have been some dramatic changes, it looks different.” Aunty Jane said that after several families, the Webb-Taylors lived there now. “Well,” she said sounding a bit annoyed, “it’s there second, possibly third home and they hardly ever use it.” “Why do I know the name?” I was wracking my brain. “She’s the doctor off the telly and he has a law firm in Manchester.” “Ahh,” I added in recognition, “the place looks nice.” “Yes, they’ve spent a fortune and extended it quite a bit... it’s spectacular inside... they did a great job.” She wasn’t finished with her opinion of the place. “It’s lovely inside but really a family should be living there not just two people who occasionally visit.” I wondered if people had said the same about Gran and aunty in their big house. # Mum parked up and the dockside was busy without being overcrowded. Thankfully, the line to board The Gazelle, a relic of the age of steam, was short enough for us all to get on-board as a group. It was a well-kept piece of history that the local sailing club had restored. The ‘heritage’ brass-work shone, the woodwork buffed to perfection and the chrome-work looked brand new. Meanwhile, the satisfying steamy hiss of the engine gave the thirty or so passengers a reassuring look back to - pleasure sailing’s glorious past - well that’s what the brochure believed. The wooden seating was slick but not the most comfortable and we had to find Gran a more comfortable padded seat inside the cabin. However, like most of the other passengers we were all just thrilled to be out on the lake and taking in the wonderful views as we chugged gently through the water and around the islands. We could even see our house off in the distance and, like a bunch of other kids I was kneeling up on the seating and looking over the side. Several had shouted that they’d seen fish and I was keen to join in the search. Although what strange aquatic species I hoped to see in the murky depths I had no idea. Well into the voyage I heard a small voice saying “...that older boy’s wearing a nappy.” It didn’t immediately click that he could have been talking about me. Because I don’t look at myself, what I’m wearing isn’t constantly on my mind and it all becomes normal. I know I’m wearing a nappy and a plastic cover, but I don’t even think about my shorts and jacket because I’m used to it. However, I do forget that with the extra padding and the fact I’m wearing shorts that when I bend over or stretch for things, the waistband or leg-band of my protection sometimes pops into view. I looked around and saw the boy and his mum smirking a little bit and she had her phone out. Then she put on her serious face and turned him to look out at some distant object that was suddenly of interested. For a moment I was a little anxious at who else might be looking and as a result a spurt of pee added to the bulk. However, mum was nearby and she broke off chatting to Aunty Jane to mouth the words “You look perfect darling” and smiled a dazzling smile. She immediately put me at ease; although I did turn around and sit down and rearranged my shorts a bit. It was a lovely trip out and brought back some happy memories and I think it was the same for many of the older people who were on-board with us. As we disembarked there was a lot of happy chat about the experience but, walking along the gangplank I felt a small hand swat my bum. I looked around and it was that boy again... this time he had the cheekiest grin and didn’t seem in the least bit afraid that I might not like having my bum smacked. I didn’t say anything but he was still grinning when he looked back then took his mother’s hand before drifting off into the rest of the crowd. It was a strange experience though wasn’t sure why I’d quite enjoyed it. # It had been a rather wonderful encounter and I don’t just mean with the ‘spanking kid’. Gran had thoroughly enjoyed getting out and although was tired had been well treated in the more exclusive cabin for the elderly. She’d enjoyed the company of other, shall we say, more seasoned travellers, who had tales of how the old boat had found a new lease of life from a dedicated bunch of restoration enthusiasts. I never know what mum and aunty find to talk about but they were in jovial mood from the start and never stopped chattering the entire trip. There had been the occasional look in my direction and, if they saw me looking back, it was followed by a reassuring smile. It was nice. Meanwhile, I was still trying to fathom out why such a young kid smacking my arse hadn’t infuriated me but then realised, it was because I smiled back. He was only about five or six years old but was testing boundaries and on that occasion he saw a bigger boy wearing a nappy and assumed he could treat him as he would someone on his level (maybe even younger). Anyway, whether this was the case or not I accepted that for him at least this was both a daring thing to do but also cheeky fun, which was the aspect of the act that I found equally amusing. I think mum, aunty and Gran maybe correct in their assessment - I’m not quite ready to grow up just yet. # tbc #

Thanks guys for your encouragement. ? It's always a treat when people identify with something I've written. I hope you continue to enjoy our Jason's nappy life. Hugs

Part 24 Although everything was nice, the bed comfortable, the lion cuddly, there was an awful lot still going on in my head so initially I just couldn’t drop off. The fact that I’d said “mummy” instead of “mum” played on my mind. I got out of bed and hoped I might amuse myself with the electric train set. It was strange because although I’d never had one, it was something I always wanted and this took up quite a large area. It wasn’t just in a circle but had a couple of lines that led into tunnels and through stations and villages... it was quite the display. There were two trains on the tracks, one passenger the other goods and I was lost in watching them circle around, climb slight inclines and pass each other going in opposite directions. I was driver and station master, planner and passenger and made up stories to go with everything I did. It was like I wasn’t alone chatting with all these little model people who had places to go. I was completely enthralled as I was charged with the power to make things happen. I don’t know how long I played with it but could feel my eyes drooping so eventually brought them back into the station and imagined a conversation between the drivers before I climbed back into bed. They’d said their own ‘good nights’ and were wandering back to their own families and friends. It had been an interesting departure from trying to sleep but now, as I returned to bed I unintentionally giggled in regards to the lovely soft furriness that greeted my return; it felt unbelievably tickly and luxurious. I was aware of the mass of my nappy which hugged me and kept me pleasantly warm throughout my crawling around. It had been fun to scuttle from one thing to another making everything work, examine various bits of scenery and check the characters dotted around the track. I didn’t think I was wet but slipped a finger under the plastic to check and was relieved to find no sogginess. For some reason I felt remarkably proud that I hadn’t wet myself and glided under the duvet and hoped I’d be able to sleep. I think I dozed for a while but began to toss and turn a little and decided to read. I got out of bed and went to check on what reading material was available but as I opened drawers and checked shelves I noticed the plethora of stuff that had been gathered for my enjoyment. The sliding wardrobes concealed a host of onesies, PJs, and colourful jumpers, shirts and t-shirts. Hanging up were dungarees, shorts and playsuits as well as jackets, fleeces and coats. One of the wardrobes was empty so I suppose that was for my belonging from home. There was no doubt about it I was going to be moving here whether I wanted to or not. And although I was angry to begin with, I had to agree that they’d gone to an awful lot of trouble to make me feel welcome and entertained. I sat in the middle of the race car track and pushed a couple of the super sports cars around as I thought of my situation. Other than Billy and Mark, there was very little to keep me at home and although I’d miss them terribly perhaps I should think about my family first. The strange thing was that once again, as I played with the toys, I felt I wasn’t by myself. There was a presence and I could imagine the boys enjoying this with me. I’d noticed it from when Gran had turned on the light for the very first time and I saw what had been done, my heart lifted. It definitely wasn’t a room for a late teen but I didn’t care, what there was more to my liking than I thought possible. I had no idea of time because there was no clock just all the coloured lights but I’d yawned a couple of times so hoped that this time, when I returned to my rather comfy bed, I’d get some sleep. I cuddled the squishy lion and wished I hadn’t been so hasty in refusing the dummy; still I was hopeful as another huge yawn engulfed me that I’d peacefully slip into dreamland. # I woke up warm and cosy and sucking on the corner of the pink fleecy blanket, the lion amazingly having escaped my subconscious need to nurse. This teddy fleece bedding really does make you feel calm and loved; I just didn’t want to get up. Through the two windows opposite I could see a sunny morning had arrived but had no idea of the time. It didn’t matter because I could quite happily have stayed wrapped up like I was for the rest of the day. I ventured a hand over my slippery padding and unexpectedly it didn’t feel wet. However, I could feel my stomach grumbling a little but I was just too comfortable to move. I wriggled a bit and felt my slippery pillow of protection slide about in a very reassuring way. To lie there was absolute heaven, never mind that when I got up there was tons of stuff for me to play with... back at home I still had my video games but the train and racetrack seemed far more fun. Perhaps that’s because for the moment they were a novelty but I had enjoyed myself in the dead of night just getting involved and letting my imagination run riot. The pink fleecy blanket was sopping wet on the corner where I’d obviously spent quite some time sucking on it so I stretched out and swung it over the side of the bed to air out. In doing so one of its soft corners caught my nose and tickled it. I sneezed loudly but a moment later, and I have no idea if these actions were related, I let out a huge fart, that wasn’t just a fart and could feel myself filling my nappy with quite a flow of liquid poo. Panicked I tried to clench but it was too late so quickly turned over onto my front hoping that somehow that would stem the tide. It didn’t and my bowel contracted further to force even more out. There was a lot. I don’t know how mum knew but she had me well-padded for just such an event and then, as if on cue, appeared at the top of the stairs. # “Morning baby, it’s 9:30, what would you like for breakfast?” She spoke loudly from her position looking down at me. I’d just deposited what felt like a couple of gallons of mess into my nappy which was still busily trying to soak it all up. “Are you awake love?” She asked warily and started down the creaking stairs. I crawled out of bed backwards and ended up knelt at the side with my messy padded bum facing mum as she approached. “Oh baby,” she came over and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder “another accident?” I nodded into my fluffy fitted sheet as mum pulled free the duvet caught around my feet. I sighed and turned to face her but I was quite embarrassed: Not that she hadn’t had to deal with this type of thing before, but that it had only just happened and was still feeling the nasty trickling effect soak everywhere. Mum was soothing my back with soft caresses but I felt that a point had been made – I was still a messy little kid who needed looking after. I eventually turned round and faced her. “Sorry.” I searched the floor for a place to disappear into. She just shrugged and patted my now sagging nappy under the plastic pants which were struggling to keep it all in. “That’s why you wear a nappy love and why you should never worry about wearing one.” She hugged me in support. “But shall we have a clean-up before breakfast?” I nodded my agreement whilst being unhurriedly led to the changing table. # Mum stopped me from climbing up and laid an old towel out on the floor. “Step on to that love,” I did as I was told. Once she was sure no droplets would fall onto the carpet she pulled down the plastic pants and tossed them in the sink. Next she whistled at the saggy mess that confronted her but didn’t say anything. She released the pins and the entire mucky creation fell to the floor, I didn’t dare look at my handiwork. “Go take a shower baby and I’ll deal with this.” So that’s what I did, I christened the new shower and although anyone could see me through the glass sides I wasn’t bothered I just wanted to get clean. I saw mum put the night time fabric nappy in the green bin so I suppose it was blue for disposables and green for eco-type fabric nappies. I didn’t think that particular nappy would be regarded as eco-friendly now. After the shower she dried me down and had me lay out on the plastic padded mat on top of the unit. After applying the creams, lotion and powder there was a moment when she looked down at me and blew the most childish raspberry on my tummy. The noise was like the fart I’d done that produced the mess in the first place and a guilty giggle escaped my throat. Mum was smiling as well. “Do you remember just before you started work that you were in turmoil as to whether, with this change in your development, you should give up your pull-ups and dummy?” I nodded because it was something I thought about on and off for some time. I joined in “You said that I didn’t need to as they were things that helped me over moments of stress.” Mum nodded. “That’s true, you’ve always had anxiety issues and both those items have, in their own way, helped you through such times.” I was lying there exposed although well-covered in a layer of sweet talc but mum had stopped the change to chat. I gave a slight grimace. “I wondered if such things made me look like a child...” “But baby they worked,” she interrupted. I shrugged in agreement but wished she’d just get on with finding me a nappy. However, it hardly seemed that long ago I was wearing pull-ups to bed, and then mum hit on the idea of Durable Slips (for the heavy wetter) to help with those regular nocturnal emissions. “Anyway, your bedwetting was getting worse and so I introduced you to wearing a Durable Slip at night for more absorption...” It was as if she’d just read my mind. “For the...” “Heavy wetter,” I finished their selling pitch. We both chuckled. # “You took to them like a duck to water.” I couldn’t disagree. “In fact I think, because of the extra thickness, you wanted to wear them all the time.” Again I couldn’t disagree. For a moment I saw her eyes searching the nicely folded piles of different disposables that were arranged on the shelf above where I was laying. “Because of that I wondered if perhaps there was more to it than just liking the mass and, as I’d already seen all these fun styles of nappies online, and the amount of Durables you were getting through each week, whether it might be nice to get you something slightly different.” I wriggled a little uncertainly on the plastic padded mat wishing she’d just choose a style and get me into it. “I was happily surprised when you were even more enthralled by the wonderful cartoon styles and incorporated them into what you wanted to wear for work.” She reached for a thick pink disposable and began to fluff it out. “You know sweetheart, that link between your love of nappies got stronger, as did the enjoyment of the more juve... erm... youthful style.” I wasn’t sure where she was going with this conversation but at least it looked like I was soon to be covered and my little naked willy and balls made comfy. I was glad about that but I had zoned out a little. “... and you know sweetie, over the past few months or so, your desire for those nappies has increased to the point that you don’t really want to think of any other way of going to the toilet.” Was mum being serious? “Now, I don’t want you to see that as a criticism, just a fact, and a fact that I may have helped encourage.” I was still naked except for a bit of powder and thought it a strange time to have any discussion when all I really wanted was to get that fresh nappy on and have some breakfast. “At the moment I know that all you’re really interested in is which nappy I’m going to put you in.” “And have breakfast,” I added as a joke. “Maybe but it’s the nappy which is important because that’s how you now identify yourself... the boy who wears nappies.” “And eats breakfast,” I thought it was funny to joke with her. “Yes, OK, and the boy who likes breakfast,” she conceded. “But, if I slipped you into a pair of these,” she held up a pair of briefs (I had no idea where she’d got them from as only moments before she was holding a disposable), I suspect, no, I know, you’d not be happy about it, or enjoy wearing them.” “Yes, well it’s your fault you got me into these thick disposables and such...” I tried to place some blame. “Indeed I did and continue to do so because I know this is how you are and I love you for it.” “But you’ve made me this way.” “No baby, you’ve always loved them, I just steered you to a more fun version of what you desired.” I wasn’t sure if mum was making any sense or if it was me that was being a bit dense but I’m sure I never asked for cartoon nappies. “But I never asked for this...” I wriggled unhappily on the plastic mat which I was beginning to stick to. “The thing is Jason, you have but quite subconsciously. You might not have even been aware of it but since dad died you’ve slowly been heading towards where you are now.” “But I...” “When you got the job I thought ‘good for you’ because you’d found something to help you advance and grow a little. However, the job did bring with it huge anxieties both before you started and whilst you were doing it. You suddenly needed your nappies for work as well as night time and that’s when I thought to speed this journey of discovery up a bit and introduced you to what I saw as the ‘next stage’. So the colourful nappies were instituted” She smiled down at me in the most loving way. “As you toddled off to work wearing a nappy under your suit I was just so pleased that my little boy was still in there.” She tapped my head. “Have I been manipulated...?” “I don’t think so sweetheart just encouraged in the direction of travel.” “So have you made everything happen that’s happened?” “Oh sweetie, if only I had such power. No, you’ve been responsible for that but I’ve tried to guide you from the excesses and channel you into areas I thought you’d appreciate.” I shrugged. What on earth did she mean... what about Terry and... Then it tumbled, that was definitely down to me because mum wasn’t around, she was busy giving her full attention to her sick mother and I went off the rails. The thing is it didn’t feel that way at the time because I wanted what happened to happen. I wanted to be grown up, to act grown up, to do grown up things and you couldn’t get more grown up (I thought) than having sex. However, things might have been different if I’d had mum to come home to and discuss my day. Would I have made those mistakes if I’d had her clear, no nonsense advice? Then the strangest thing happened. I remembered being a little kid in this very room. We must have been visiting and I was running around whilst both dad and Grandad were cheering me on as I tried to escape from their pretend game of dinosaurs, which I loved as a kid. In this memory, which was so clear, almost real, I could see I was wearing a thick nappy and white glossy plastic pants, screaming in delight as daddy caught me and roared like a T-rex. This perfect ‘real’ image was a shock to the system, and how I hadn’t felt alone as I played last night suddenly made sense. So, whether it happened or not the vision was so indelibly stamped in my mind it was authentic to me, I hadn’t been alone. Without warning I found tears sliding down my face. “Oh baby,” mum was quickly in as usual for support. The hug was what I needed and at the same time I could feel the presence of dad in that wonderful embrace. In fact, as I thought about it, mum’s hugs were always intense enough for two. She held me for as long as it took to calm down. “OK you win we should come and live here.” “It’s not a case of winning baby; it’s where you, no we, need to be.” She threw the briefs she’d had in her hand into the sink and picked up the fluffed out pink disposable that I hadn’t seen her put to one side. Mum was a constant mystery. Without checking I was happy with her choice, which by the way I was, she taped me in and added very glossy matching rubber pants. Once tucked in, she found a nice pale blue shirt, slid it over my head and said I was ready. “What about some pants?” I wondered. “Not today sweetheart you’ll do as you are. I want to see my baby boy as I remember him from when we first brought you here, you were so damn cute and you loved to run around dressed... just as you are now.” I thought it was a bit weird and definitely not what I expected but then I didn’t think of mum as having her own desires... until now... but there again... weren’t they my own desires? # I stood up and mum flattened the air out of the billowing rubber pants. I watched my reflection in the mirrored wardrobe and asked a serious question. “Do you like seeing me like this?” It wasn’t the first time I’d asked that particular question. She continued to pat the glossy material down as she thought for a moment and then smiled. “The simple answer is ‘Yes’ but there is a reason.” “Oh yes and what is that?” “Well, your father and I loved all aspects of bringing you up, smelly nappies and all, but he noticed that when you got a bit fidgety or upset you also peed a little so, even though as you got older you were wearing underpants, we often put you back into nappies. He also noticed that, as with his kid brothers, a dummy also helped settle you down.” “Yes I know all this...” I said a little irritably. “But wearing a nappy did more... it made you more loving. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve always been a sweet boy and absolutely no trouble, but still, a nappy made you want to cuddle up to dad or me.” I shrugged as I couldn’t help but feel the reflection in the full length mirror said I was nothing but a big baby. “When he died,” she coughed a little as if trying to hide a little emotion, “to begin with you were a little distant and it broke my heart that you didn’t want to cuddle as much. However, after one particular night when you wet the bed and I returned you to wearing a nappy, you returned to wanting a cuddle.” “Oh.” “Since then, and since you’ve wet the bed more regularly, I’ve let you wear a nappy because it suited us both but I also noticed that it was something you loved. They had an ‘effect’ that changed, no, not changed... emphasised your personality.” But I had lots of underpants and stuff...” “Yes you wore them for school and for weeks on end but then suddenly you’d leak and it was back to wearing a bit of padding. So I let you choose when and where you wanted to wear a nappy. The fact you were getting older didn’t seem to worry you and it certainly didn’t worry me.” “So I see,” I said running my hand over the slippery pillow I was now wearing. “The nappies and disposables you now wear all the time proved to me that despite you having a job, and possibly feeling grown up, that wasn’t all you wanted.” Mum looked satisfied with her response. “In fact I thought it was more of a distraction to what you really wanted.” “And what was that?” I harrumphed. “I think that you want to return to a time when dad was with us and everything was wonderful.” She waited for a reaction but I just stared at her. “I think you want to return to a time when you hadn’t a care in the world and everything seemed perfect and that was when you wore a nappy, sucked on a dummy and daddy was there to play with his baby boy.” I was speechless. “I think you feel cheated that you never got the time you think others had with their father and the nappies and dummy are a substitute. Not that I’m complaining, but I did what you’re father said all those years ago - ‘You have to put yourself in the other person’s position and see what’s wrong from their point of view’ - so that’s what I’ve been doing ever since. I eventually found my voice. “That can’t be right.” The thing is, lately, when I’ve thought about dad, not only does a wonderful and understanding man spring into my head but also mentally a man who patted my padding and encouraged me to have fun. “Look love, I’m not trying to make you something you’re not. All I’m doing, all I’ve ever done, is offer possibilities and whenever there’s been such an option you’ve chosen this path over anything else.” I took a good look at myself in the mirror and shrugged. “So, is that why am I dressed like this now?” “OK, OK, this is a confession. I wanted to give you the opportunity to relive a few moments from your past. Where running around this old house, the one where you, your father and Grandad all enjoyed time together, and where you were usually dressed exactly like this.” She paused for that to sink in, “and if I’m being honest, how I love seeing you now.” The think was, I did often feel exactly like that and wearing just my protection and maybe a t-shirt was more than enough for me to feel happy, mainly because a nappy and a pair of plastic pants made me feel secure... and I loved that security. However, what I came up with was. “Mum, you’re weird.” “I know but, I’ve seen you at home and you never appear happier than when you haven’t a care in the world and are dressed like this.” She’d already read deep into my psyche. Hell, even my time with the boys we were in our nappies and that was the best time ever. Perhaps, this, with people around me who understand, will be OK after all. I nodded. “Mmmm, perhaps you’re right about that...” “Hopefully baby I’m right about most things.” She smiled and lovingly patted my padding. “Will aunty and Gran be shocked if I bowl up for a bowl of Corn Flakes just wearing this?” I patted my own well-padded bottom. “I doubt it love... we’re all in agreement that if it’s what you want... then you should do it. There’s no pressure to do or be anything you’re not happy with because that’s the key... your happiness.” “Well, I did spend most of the night,” I let out a little yawn, “happily playing with the train set and cars so...” There was something else, I didn’t feel alone and was sure dad and Grandad were sat next to me and we played together. “OK then, let’s go and have some breakfast.” # tbc #

Thanks everyone I'm so glad you're all still enjoying Jason's little adventure. ? He's pretty sure he's being railroaded into being something he isn't but is that just his imagination? His mother needs to come clean as to the real reason they are moving back... and it isn't just because of guilt. Just a few more chapters to go...

Part 23 Granny’s house is quite a large affair up in the Lake District. It sits proudly on a small hill in the countryside overlooking a huge lake. The views are tremendous, fields down to the water’s edge and in the background lofty peaks and forest. Meanwhile, there’s a little winding road which feeds the few other houses in the area. Where dad used to live is about a hundred yards further along but it’s changed a lot since those days. The nearest village is about a mile down that road and another five miles takes you into the nearest town, which gets packed with tourists almost all year round. It’s still a family home so there are plenty of rooms and I never quite understood why, after there was just her and aunty, Gran didn’t sell up and find somewhere smaller and easier to maintain. I suppose as it is the place where she and Grandad brought up their family then sentiment alone would make her want to stay, and the views of course. Maybe she foresaw the fact that we’d all be together again but I don’t know how. I have my own room, as does mum, when we visit. The place is vast because on the ground floor is a large kitchen, two spacious reception rooms, a cloakroom with shower and toilet facilities and a huge conservatory leading out into the substantial garden. Upstairs there are two large en-suite bedrooms with balconies and views out to the lake, a family bathroom and three further large bedrooms. I have one in the back over-looking the garden. There’s an attic used for storage and a huge basement that Granddad had used as a games den. However, since he’s been long dead, it had just gathered more storage and rubbish, which was a shame because as a kid I always found it a fantastic place to play. Anyway, as we neared the drive my anxiety levels increased but Granny was waiting with a welcoming smile in the doorway. “My, my sweetheart,” she started as she hugged and patted my soggy bottom through my linen shorts. I think she was going to say I’d grown, or looked older or some such thing but decided against it. “I’ve missed you,” and kissed the top of my head. “Same here Granny,” but my heart wasn’t in it. I was still in Granny’s surprisingly strong embrace as she continued to pat my bum. “Mmm, your mother said you were still in nappies so why don’t we get you into something dry first and then we can have a lovely meal your aunt’s preparing and have a little chat, mmm?” Reluctantly I was led inside and nothing had changed except I was surprised to see how fit and healthy Gran was. It was only a couple of weeks ago that she was badly hurt and found it impossible to get around but now, well, she could have fooled me. Perhaps that had been her plan all along; get mum there, feed her enticements and then... well... I have no idea but this was looking more and more like a scam on Gran’s part. She may be knocking on the octogenarian door but was as trim, alert as anything and appeared full of life. Aunt Jane poked her head around the corner from the kitchen. “Hi there Jason, glad you decided to visit... we’ve missed you.” She said with her usual large welcoming smile. “Love the new haircut.” “Oh hi aunty... yes, thanks, it’s been a while.” As she was in the middle of something she quickly disappeared back and Gran took over. “OK love,” she spoke to mum, “why don’t you go and help your sister with lunch and I’ll sort this one out.” “But mum...” I was horrified that Granny should suggest such a thing. I didn’t want her changing my nappy but mum wandered into the kitchen where I heard sisterly greetings, whilst Gran directed me towards the stairs. # I love Granny but she hadn’t changed my nappies since I was about four and I wasn’t keen on her re-establishing that chore. She led me towards the stairs but we stopped at the old oak panelled door next to them that led to the basement. “You know Gran, I can do it myself... I.... erm... don’t...” I stammered. Smiling she opened the squeaky access and told me to follow her. I don’t know why she didn’t turn on the light as I sheepishly followed, taking slow and deliberate steps down each creaking stair. Eventually we got to the bottom and she pulled on a hanging piece of chord that lit up the entire space. It was like a wonderland, well, a wonderland for a big kid. Taking up a central position was the bed with pale blue covers, surrounded by a ledge of toys, books and a variety of stuffed animals. A huge play area had an electric train set up and a large racetrack mat for toy cars dominated another area (I told you it was a large room). The lighting was rather nice as well with fairy-lights draped across the ceiling and a projector that aimed a beam of stars moving over the bed. Some of the walls had posters of old Disney movies which looked pretty good. There were a series of sliding mirrored door wardrobes and several sets of drawers, one of which had steps leading up to what appeared to be a thick changing pad. Above that were several shelves of nappies and disposables and a rack of nicely hanging plastic pants in all styles. Above them were two ground level windows looking onto the garden and next to the padded bench was a large deep sink with hot and cold taps. Off in the right hand corner was a new glass construction, which I could see was a shower unit. “Well sweetie,” she took my hand and guided me towards the little steps, “up you get and let’s get you out of that wet nappy.” “But, but, what is this place?” I was gobsmacked but still climbed the little steps to lie out. “It’s where we change our wet and messy baby boy...” “But, I’m a, ummm, but, I ermmm,” I didn’t want this to happen but there was no way I would fight Granny. She was already pulling down my shorts and releasing the little metal press-studs on the onesie. “Now sweetheart, just relax and let Granny do what she’s failed to do for a few years now and that’s look after her sweet Grandchild.” I was about to speak again, why Grandchild and not Grandson? but she produced a dummy from her pocket and, with very little resistance, slipped it between my lips. “There, there now, you just nurse on that and the world will be a much better place and let me get on with changing this lovely but absolutely sodden disposable.” She saw just how wet I’d become, which in my general anxiety about the day hadn’t helped the flow at all. She wriggled down the blue cover and released the tabs. The ledge above the mat seemed well equipped with things in easy reach as she grabbed some wipes and set to work. I lay back and stared at the ceiling which had a host of happy cartoon characters smiling back down at me - all appeared to be wearing puffy nappies. She pushed up my onesie but the cooling wipes must have been medicated or had menthol because when she wiped my willy and balls a cool shiver ran through my body. I let out a little squeal behind the dummy. She looked down and smiled but continued with what she had to do. “You know sweetheart, your daddy loved this room when he and your Granddaddy used to play snooker down here. It was where they bonded and then when you came along, they both couldn’t wait for a time when you’d join them in a game.” She seemed excited as she told me this tale, which incidentally I’d not heard before. I looked over at where I remembered the snooker table used to be but the train set now occupied that space. “However, your daddy noticed something about you that no one else saw... you were your own person. From an early age your daddy would not make you do anything he let you make your own decisions and guarded your freedom to live life how you wanted.” I looked up confused. “Your daddy was a very clever and perceptive man, completely unlike your Granddaddy, who lived by his own ideas, but no, no, no not your father. When Grandad wanted to send you off to private school and insisted that it was the best place for a proper education, your father said a definite “NO”. He didn’t want others to shape you into being a certain way; he wanted you to find what made you happy and follow that path.” I still wasn’t getting it. “Jason sweetheart, this is you.” She swept her hand over the basement and all that was in it. “It’s taken a while for us all to cotton on to what your father meant. Your mum was on board very early on but the rest of us, well, it’s taken some time to catch up. This is your room and I hope you want to stay and enjoy what we can offer. You’ll not lack love and attention that’s for sure. If you want friends to come and stay, well there’s enough room for a small army down here. If you want to change it somehow... it’s up to you. I just want you around because I missed appreciating just what your father meant.” There was a brief sigh as she caught her breath. “I don’t want to miss the unique person you’ve become.” I took out my dummy and looked her in her watery eyes, “But Granny, what have I become?” I wasn’t sure she got what had happened to me over the past few of months. “I’ve lost a job, I got a man sacked, and I lost a very good friend...” “Your boyfriend?” She smiled knowingly. Mum seemed to have told her everything. “Yes, but...” “Look love. You’ve been through a lot but we’ve discussed this and come to the conclusion you simply aren’t ready yet to be a grown up... and there’s absolutely no reason for you to.” I was about to protest my independence but Granny went to the cupboard under the sink and I saw there were two plastic bins there. She slipped the used disposable into the blue one and I wondered what the other green one was for. “Look, you’ve had a love for nappies and dummies for as long as I can remember. Your mother says that they mean even more to you these days than ever before. In fact, she says, you wear a nappy all the time now and haven’t worn underpants for quite some time.” “Erm...” I was trying to think which part of what Granny was saying I could deny - I couldn’t. Mum did know me way better than I knew myself and perhaps all these little ‘nudges’ had been for me to realise this was what I wanted. In my head I was screaming “No” but the thing was there were times when it all seemed to be pretend – the job, the boyfriend, my life in general. The only time it wasn’t... was when I was wearing a nappy and mum was around or, and this was a revelation, I was in the company of Billy and Mark. Granny saw a worrying frown take over my face. “Sweetheart no one is having a go. What we want is for you to be happy with who you are because we’re happy with who you are. If you like being a toddler and live in what I think your mum calls ‘little space’ then that’s fine. If you want to be a nineteen year old...” she looked doubtful, “then that’s what we’ll treat you as. We just don’t want you thinking you have to be one thing when you so patently prefer something else. As your father insisted, what he wanted most from his son was for him to be himself... and that’s what we want as well... you to be who you are. # Little Space? Those two words were buzzing around my head. What did mum mean by living in my ‘little space’? Is that what she called it when I enjoyed the more childish aspects to wearing nappies and sucking on my dum-dum? Had mum made the term up or had she, like was often the case, sat at her laptop and researched... well... me and what I liked? I looked around what was now apparently going to be my bedroom and I have to say, I did love most aspects of it. I suppose the stacks and stacks of nappies was what mum meant when I joked about her ordering more and she replied “Already done”. Mum is an enigma in her own right but she seems to have brought Gran and her sister into our world without too much trouble. Gran fluffed out a disposable but I wasn’t taking too much notice because my mind was re-living the absolute best time I’d had in ages – Billy, Mark and me just having fun. I wondered at the time if it wouldn’t be the best way to live my life, with two guys who were as daft as I was... or at least appeared to be. It was true the nappies were the catalyst but what if they were exactly like me? What if ‘little space’ was real and we all could meet there or was ‘little space’ a euphemism for something else... it made me think. Meanwhile, Granny had fitted me tightly in a very nice, thick rainbow disposable with matching shiny pvc pants. She’d then refastened to clasps of my onesie so all was held up tight and then eased up my shorts. “There baby, and I bet lunch is ready... shall we go?” I eventually found my voice. “Granny, you must have spent a fortune on doing this place out and I can’t thank you enough but...” “I know love,” she sighed a little as if understanding I had objections. “You’ve got your own life at home but, as you’ve so recently discovered things change very quickly. Here you wouldn’t have that worry because there are three of us who just want to look after you.” “But that’s what I mean. You want to look after me... I don’t get a choice... this is not what dad would have wanted at all.” “I think you’re wrong Jason. I think your daddy knew exactly what you needed and that was to have a safe and secure environment where you could be just who you are.” “But, but, ermmmm...” “Look, let’s go and see what your aunt has prepared and then we can discuss it all together afterwards. But,” she smiled, “I’m glad you like your room I think it’s what you need... a safe place to play.” She picked up my dummy and slipped it back into her pocket. As we headed for the kitchen my nappy and cover creaked slightly as we climbed the noisier stairs up from the basement. Granny had added an extra soaker pad so my walking was a bit more of a waddle but still the thick padding did feel comfortable. She certainly knew how to fit a nappy. # The two sisters were sitting at the table chatting with a huge bowl of Spaghetti Bolognese steaming in the centre. They both had excited looks on their faces as I shuffled up and took my seat. “Well?” Mum was quickly in with her question. I knew she was keen for me to excitedly tell her I was sold but in truth, I still had some doubts. “Yes, it’s all very nice and cosy and... well... looks ready for a boy to have fun.” “Good, good... do you think you could be happy here with that as your own space?” All eyes were on me but mum was asking the questions. I think that they thought the room would be the clincher and that it was everything I wanted. Why they should have thought that I don’t know because I hadn’t been obsessed with toys and such for a long time (well, not that they knew anyway). However, what had crossed my mind was WHY? Why had they chosen such a style and why had they been so convinced it would be something I liked? I did, but why had they thought I would? I shrugged non-committally and asked if I could have some food please. There was a disheartened look on everyone’s face except mine. I was comfy and was about to have one of my (many) favourite meals, which I thanked aunty for making. “My pleasure dear...”I think she was about to add that if I lived there such meals would be a regular feature but decided against that line of persuasion. The meal was wonderful but this time there was no sippy cup just a glass of milk. I think I would have preferred a sippy cup. Something else I noticed, I spilled some sauce down my front and I heard mum say ‘I’ll have to remember a bib next time’... # As I ate and the general chat continued around me I got to thinking again. Had Granny only pretended to be ill to get mum to visit and then kept her there to see how I’d cope on my own. I began to suspect all manner of conspiracy theories but drew the line that Granny and Mr Tridwell were in cahoots to get me sacked... although I have to admit for a moment it crossed my mind. I’d become very suspicious of what Gran said because she looked so vital. However, later in the day I did see Aunt Jane hold her up as she stumbled a little walking to the living room. I also noticed there was an oxygen bottle at the side of Gran’s chair and as the day had worn on, there was no doubt her effort had taken its toll. I felt guilty for doubting her. It was getting late and I still hadn’t agreed to the proposed new living arrangements. However, mum said that we’d stay the night and think about it and could see what I thought of my new basement bedroom. Just out of curiosity I trundled up to my old bedroom and noticed it had been stripped of anything to do with me and was now a sort of guest room. It seemed cold and unfriendly so I found myself in the basement and playing with the toys. I’d been so engrossed in my games and imagination I hadn’t realised the hour when mum said it was time for bed and I should come back up and say goodnight to Gran and aunty. Gran was ready for bed and was being helped upstairs by Aunty Jane. I kissed her goodnight and thanked her for the fabulous basement because in truth, even just a few hours down there on my own had been incredible fun. “Night Gran,” she looked at me adoringly but I could tell the day had been a bit of a strain. “Night love” there was a soft wheeze to her breathing as the effort of going up the stairs told me all was not well with Granny after all. “Sleep tight and hope you like the bedding, there’s a lovely soft fleecy blanket I recommend cuddling up to.” She smiled and then turned to continue her assent. “Can I help?” I offered. “That’s sweet of you dear,” Aunt Jane said, “but for the moment leave it to me.” Mum called me over and checked if I was wet, I was and because I’d been having such a good time in the basement hadn’t noticed, again. She smiled and shook her head. “C’mon baby, let’s get you ready for bed... it’s going to be exciting sleeping in your new bedroom.” There, she’d let it slip, ‘my new bedroom’. So it was a foregone conclusion, we would be living here from now on. # Though I’d enjoyed playing in the basement I felt annoyed that what I actually thought was of no concern and my input was purely for effect. That annoyance made me do something I’d rarely done before and that was have a huge temper tantrum as mum led me to the basement. I refused to go. “Stop this now.” Mum was reacting to my refusal to be part of any further deception. “You said I had a voice but you lied.” I screamed back at her. “Be quiet your Granny’s trying to get to sleep and...” “Don’t give me that,” I spat back, “you and her have conspired to bring me here when I specifically said I didn’t want to come.” “That’s not true...” but I could see mum wavering a little in her argument. “I brought you here because this is where you belong...” “When I was a child...” I responded angrily. “But Jason, that’s the point, in many ways you’re still a child.” She reached out to stroke my quiff that had fallen across my eyes. I shook her away because I couldn’t believe she just said that. “MUM!” I said astounded by such a comment. She went over to the changing bench and just indicated the piles of nappies. “All these are yours,” then pointed to the toys. “You’ve not had as much fun for ages playing without any worries with things you’d all but forgotten you actually like. Sweetheart... ” As she indicated the various things around the room that I had, and still loved to have from my childhood, I began to think about my other life - a life of boyfriends and sex so I added that to the mix. “You forget I had a boyfriend and we had fantastic sex so I’m not a little kid I’m a grown up with...” I spat it out as if challenging her preconceived ideas. “I’ve no doubt you threw yourself into such grown up games and enjoyed them but you’re never happier than when with your friends and playing games.” What did mum know? Did she think that I played at sex the same as I played in nappies? I wasn’t quite getting what was being inferred, or, was I just assuming something was being implied when it wasn’t? “Look Jason I don’t like us arguing and certainly not shouting across the room at each other. We’ve not tried to con you into anything. All I’m saying is give it a chance and no one is suggesting that you can’t have friends, boyfriends or whatever, or be nineteen.” She patted the padded bench. “But at this moment you’re wearing a soaked nappy, its bed time and you’re a bit grouchy with me.” She smiled her winning smile and in truth I hated that I’d raised my voice to the main person in my life. “Now, I understand because it’s been such a hectic day with a lot to take in that you may feel overwhelmed. So, what I suggest is, we get you into a nice thick nappy for tonight and then, in the light of a new day, see if we can’t come to some agreement, OK?” I so wanted to stamp my authority on this outburst but really I couldn’t keep it up with mum. She is everything to me and I have only ever known her do what was best... and yet, here I was, doubting and shouting at her. I had to stop and make things right. I wandered over to the bench, climbed up on it for the second time that day and let her get me ready for bed. As always she did the job without any resentment and I was soon cleaned up and pinned into a nice large white fluffy cotton-rich nappy with a pair of Disney plastic pants pulled over them. “Pyjamas or do you think you’ll be OK wearing just these?” she said patting my inflated shiny bum. “It’s pretty warm down here so I think I’ll do.” “I can never get over just how cute you look in nappies...” “I like them as well and these plastic pants are great.” I said running my palm over the glossy surface. “Special fun pants for a special fun guy.” Mum teased “I’m not mushroom mum.” I quickly retorted, which brought out the most wonderful girlish giggle from her. She kissed my forehead and brushed the hair from my eyes. “I know it’s been a strange day love. In fact, it’s been a horrendous start to the week for you to take in but I want you to know that me, Gran and aunty all love you. You know that right?” I nodded. “We want nothing but what’s best for you but we want you to be happy... so... sleep on it tonight and let’s reassess tomorrow?” She steered me over to my new bed and pulled back the covers. I was quite amazed at just how soft and fleecy the bedding was (teddy fleece mum called it) plus a welcoming, equally soft stuffed lion was already there, not one from home but a new one who looked friendly enough. There was also a very pink fleecy blanket folded to one side I ignored that and slipped in under this set of sensual blue sheets, pillows and duvet cover that sent shivers of pleasure around my body. As I got comfy there was a slightly different crinkle than from my plastic pants so knew there was an extra piece of protection covering the mattress. Mum tucked me in and asked if I wanted my dum-dum. Actually, it felt like I was surrounded by an army of kittens and could quite happily have done with it but was still trying not to appear babyish so shook my head no. Which was silly because under such a soft embrace I’d never felt so wonderfully babyish and looked after. Where had all this cosiness come from and was it just to make me feel special, wanted and/or childish? I still was suspicious but warming to the situation. Once she could see I was settled it was time for her to leave me to my thoughts. “OK love, sleep tight.” She wished me goodnight and I heard the steps creaking as she made her way back upstairs. The fairy-lights looked nice as did the projection of stars and moons that slowly circled the ceiling above the bed. I surveyed the place one last time before I thought about sleep; this was a fantastic space for a boy with imagination. She turned at the top of the stairs and looked down on not only me getting comfy but the colourful wonderland the ladies in my life had created. “I love you sweetheart,” she whispered. In that moment, any animosity there had been after our argument disappeared. “Love you too mummy,” I replied with a shy wave. # tbc #

Hi Eagle0769 Yes not quite a fairytale but Jason is going to have to do quite a bit of adapting if he's staying in Grandma's house. Glad you're enjoying the ride... there's a bit more to come yet. Hugs ?

Part 22 It wasn’t even noon and I was standing out on the street and looking up at a company I’d been so excited about joining. Now it was a forbidding tower that I had no access to. Inside were my ex-boyfriend and a group of people I’d enjoyed working with but who I wasn’t allowed to say good-bye to, I’m sure that alone would get the chatter going. I remembered what it was like when Tridwell went and now it was going to be my turn to suffer the barbs and gossip. Tom had made it clear that I’d messed up and it was at that point I became aware of the mess sitting in the seat of my pants. God it had been a very stressful couple of hours. Thankfully I knew I had on my thickest and tightest rubber pants (it was as if I’d unwittingly equipped myself for what was about to happen) so there was very little smell and, if I didn’t spread my legs too far apart, it would look normal as I walked. That was going to be hard to do. I also wasn’t looking forward to sitting on a bus full of people knowing I’d filled my nappy. Unfortunately I had no option but tried to find a seat well away from anyone else. The ride home seemed to take ages and a couple of people who sat next to me stayed for only a stop or two before they found somewhere else to sit. I wish I could have whipped out my dummy and found some solace in that but I didn’t want to draw further attention to myself. I suppose I could have taken a taxi, but that would have meant explaining the possible smell in such a confined space or I could have walked. Not with a nappy full of... well... it was too far anyway. So, on the bus I had time to contemplate a few things. The fact I no longer had a job, and the jobbie that was squishing around in my nappy. I’d been out manoeuvred on the first thing but on the second... nnnhh. The fact was I’d stopped really worrying about wetting my padding. I wore a nappy and more often than not I’d wet it and not realise I was doing so. However, a greater problem was that I appeared to be messing more as well, which I really hated. It appeared that because I wore such underwear my mind had forgotten to send any signals to my bladder so I just leaked like I did when I was asleep. I had no idea why that should be happening but I was going through disposables at a great rate. Just as well mum insisted I wore reusable fabric nappies to sleep in. I eventually arrived home and mum was surprised to see me. “Hello love...” then she saw my face crease up as the tears fell, “what on Earth’s happened?” “I’ve been sacked and Tridwell’s been reinstated.” “Oh love, surely they can’t do that?” She hugged and held me close. “Well, they have and that’s an end to it. I’ve had to sign some forms but... that’s the end of my...” I burst in to even bigger sobs. “Oh sweetheart,” she patted my well-filled padding. “I think we need to get you into something nicer than this.” She turned me around and guided me upstairs to the bathroom. “OK sweetheart, it’s been a trying day so leave it to me to get you sorted eh?” I desperately wanted mum to take charge. So, like a toddler, just stood there as she stripped me down to my unpleasant undies, released them and guided me under the shower. She tossed the offensive disposable in the bin and then set about cleaning me up. She was of course thorough but I did enjoy it when she shampooed my hair and gently rubbed it into my scalp. She used the foam as it rolled down my body to softly sponge me clean. Once satisfied that she couldn’t get me any more sanitary wreathed me in a nice big warm towel and proceeded to dry me with vigorous rubbing and gentle pats where needed. The tears had dried up but I felt exhausted and just wanted to get into bed and wish the whole day away. Naked I made my way to get under the sheets but mum had other ideas first. I was guided to lay out on one of my extra thick fleecy fabric nappies and waited a moment. “Let’s get you into this nice comfy nappy but before that we need the basics.” Of course that comprised copious amount of anti-rash cream rubbed into every crevice and vulnerable spot, followed by the sweetest rain of talc that was equally liberally distributed over those susceptible areas. If I’d been in a better place mentally I would have chuckled through it all but the sting of what happened meant I couldn’t enjoy it as much as I normally would. However, mum’s soft ministrations and obvious devotion to my welfare were having an effect on my mood. Even the soft fabric under my bum was telling me I was home and loved and to let go of all the negativity. I took a deep breath. “Thanks mum.” She just smiled and nodded and, for the moment at least, there was no need for words. # It felt wonderful to be looked after by mum who was so caring and knew exactly what I needed and what needed to be done. She tightly pinned me in and then grabbed a pair of pale blue rubber pants that had a lovely glossy sheen to them, which she inched up and made sure all the material was safely inside the slippery fabric. “Right love, I’m going to let you sleep for as long as you want,” she slipped my dum-dum between my lips, “and you just come down when you feel up to it.” I knew that meant we were going to talk but she wasn’t putting any pressure on me and for that I was grateful. I’d only filled her in on the bottom line but I’m not sure she’s going to be happy about the rest of the tale... or indeed, what Tridwell had been planning to do. However, as far as I was concerned, I’d signed my options away and that was an end to it. To me, my venture into the world of being grown up, having a job and being responsible had fallen at the first hurdle. I was still a little kid in an adult world and had a great deal to learn. Even though all this turmoil was going on in my head I felt absolutely knackered and just wanted to drift off. As I huddled under the covers I felt safe, comfy and loved because mum lay out next to me and gently stroked my hair. Had I been a cat I think I would have purred in contentment but as it was I slipped effortlessly into a deep and untroubled sleep. # Two hours later I woke up quite refreshed. I slipped a hand under my glossy pants and found I was dry. I lay there for a few minutes wondering if I was up to facing mum and telling her everything that happened. Oh hell, my head was filling with all the stuff I was happy to leave behind but knew the sooner mum and I had that chat, the sooner it will be to get over it. Well, that’s what I hoped. The firm rubber pants were holding up my fleecy nappy quite well as I toddled down to the living room where mum was sat at her laptop. “Hi love, sleep well?” I saw her smile and nod even though I was just standing there wearing just a thick nappy and rubber pants. “Yes thanks,” I hoped to lift the mood a little, “ordering more nappies?” I cheekily asked. “Already done that sweetheart,” she beckoned me over. “Just looking up company law and the rights of employees...” “Yes, about that mum... look... I don’t want to go into too much detail...” In fact, I was planning to leave everything out since she’d left for Granny’s including Tom going off to work elsewhere, my dalliance with Terry and my embarrassing meeting with Barnsy, although I suspect those were the only points that Tom would remember. “But sweetie if you feel you’ve been unfairly dismissed...” “I have but, I was still officially under my six months probationary period so, if they wanted, they could just have said it wasn’t working and that was that.” “Well that’s not right...” Mum was in her investigative mode and obviously had an abundance of facts to support her case, she was like that. “Mum please, what’s done is done and... me and Tom have split up so...” “Oh sweetheart how awful and you seemed so excited about having a boyfriend... do you want to talk about that? Oh sorry love, is that why you’re leaving?” “It’s a few things that have happened recently mum but the main one was that Tridwell was planning on taking legal action against the company for Vexatious Dismissal, whatever that is.” Mum looked a little surprised at that but I continued. “He’d come up with a story that put both Tom and me in a bad light, accusing us of conspiring together to get him fired. It’s not true of course but unfortunately it would bring a lot of other stuff to the surface that, all though completely deniable, would leave a nasty stain on both our characters.” “Oh!” “Sorry mum, but, they’ve offered to pay me off and give good references - I suppose to keep any bad publicity from affecting the company. Once all the points were laid out I signed the form so... I’m gone.” “But didn’t you have any representatives with you?” “Mum, please just drop it. I’ve made my decision and I think it would be too painful to work there and see Tom every day... or Tridwell if it comes to that.” I didn’t like to admit that my being gone was one of his demands before his reinstatement. “OK love, I understand.” She closed her laptop and pulled me in for a cuddle. “Oh Jason what a terrible time you’ve had and all this whilst I’ve been away?” “Mum you’ve had other things on your plate and to be honest, this had nothing to do with you being at Grans.” “Maybe so but I’ve neglected my little baby and so...” “Mum please, don’t make it any worse by me feeling guilty about you feeling guilty... I’m guilty enough for us both.” She giggled and hugged even tighter plus of course she patted my well-padded bottom. “OK,” she conceded, “I’m sure there’s more to the story... and no doubt you’ll tell me when you’re ready BUT, I don’t like the fact that I neglected my little boy so I need to put that right.” “But mum.” “Ssshhhh now... mummy’s going to make us something to eat and then we’ll have a lovely relaxing night in front of the TV, OK?” “OK, thanks mum.” She raised her eyebrows as if she was about to tell me off. So, playing along with her ‘mummy’ reference, “Sowwy, fank oo mummy.” I said with a jokey childish lisp. “My pleasure baby boy.” At that moment, that’s all I wanted to be. # Mum must have known from the way I was dressed to the way I was reacting that losing my job and boyfriend had set me back quite some way. I hadn’t thought twice about coming down from my afternoon nap wearing anything other than what I had on. I hadn’t searched for pants or even a t-shirt I’d just arrived in the front room exactly the way I’d been put to bed - like a toddler. As I’d wandered down stairs, the gentle rustle of plastic and the soft bulk hugging each step had been all I needed to know I was home - safe, treasured and protected. Whilst mum was in the kitchen whipping up something incredible I curled up in front of the TV though wasn’t really watching anything of any substance just a set of cartoons that filled the screen. They kept me entertained and didn’t feel the need to search the channels for anything else. “Are you OK sitting there without any pants sweetie?” Mum just checking I was aware in case anyone called but in truth I couldn’t have cared less if we had visitors or not. I was surrounded by my mother’s love and a soft snug nappy so that was all I needed. Mum cooked up a very tasty ham tagliatelle in a rich creamy sauce which we sat at the table to enjoy. She’d even got out one of my sippy cups which had apple juice in it and wrapped a bib around my neck. “Don’t want any hot sauce dripping on your chest now do we,” she’d said as she fastened it with a flourish. As it was I didn’t spill any but was thankful for the sippy cup as I did somehow manage to knock it over. Mum must have got bibs when she ordered all the other stuff, but I was still surprised by suddenly having one secured around my neck. After we’d washed up we curled up in each other’s arms and sat and watched some television. I couldn’t tell you what we saw because I spent most of the time with my eyes closed and the sound just seemed like a pleasant droning noise that had me slipping in and out of consciousness. # Mum was patting my bum when she woke me up and said its ‘nappy change and bed time for one sleepy little guy’. I hadn’t realised I’d soaked my lovely padding but now I was awake I became aware of the dampness. “Up those stairs baby and I’ll be in to supervise your nappy in a moment.” I wandered up feeling the sag and although quite sleepy thought it felt nice and squishy. I giggled to myself with each squelchy step. Once in my bedroom I wasn’t sure if I should start without mum but of course felt I’d need to lose the nappy and clean up a little before she arrived, it wasn’t fair to leave everything to mummy...erm... mum. Although I usually slept in fabric nappies I wondered if I could wear one of my plush, thick disposables with the unicorns all over them. When Billy and Mark had been around we’d all admired them and thought they should take pride of place when we visited the Queen... if we ever got invited to a sleepover at the palace that is. I fished it out of the box and found a pair of lovely slinky glass-like plastic pants as cover but it would be down to mum on whether she’d allow it. She always thought fabric padding was better for a good night’s sleep. Anyway mum arrived at my bedroom door just as I was wiping my privates down with a damp cloth. “Oh sweetheart, you should have left all this to me. I’m not going to neglect my little boy ever again... so here... you drink this whilst I finish off getting you ready for beddy-byes. She presented me with a baby’s bottle full of warm milk. I wasn’t expecting her to take this babying that far but as I was about to ask for my dummy, this was a nice replacement. Mum took the washcloth from me and cleaned me up and did all the other things a boy in need of a nappy needs. I pointed to the unicorn disposable and she beamed. “Is this what my little soldier wants to sleep in tonight?” She teased fluffing it in front of my face. “Yes please.” I said eyeing the full bottle of my nicely warm drink. “And with these plastic pants?” She held up and gave them a tug to make sure they were tough enough. I nodded as I lay out and let the teat slip between my lips for the first reassuring taste of my milky treat. “Why not.” She conceded re-fluffing the disposable, “I think my baby has had a tough day so he should have a lovely night’s sleep with his little friends leaping around his little willie.” She tickled my tummy and I giggled in delight. Before long I was oiled, powdered and taped in with the plastic pants pulled up high. “Now sweetheart, finish your bottle and don’t worry about a thing. Mummy’s here to make sure everything is going to be all right and my baby has nothing to be anxious about.” She was pushing this ‘baby’ thing but I was really enjoying it and loved being her little baby boy. She kissed my forehead and wished me night-night before turning off the light and leaving me to the gentle sucking rhythm as I slowly emptied the bottle. I lay there for a while enjoying the full padded feel of my nappy. I was thinking about what mum had said and began to imagine those little unicorns gambling around all over the soft fabric. I wriggled in contentment; I may have lost my job and a boyfriend but like Saturday morning with Billy and Mark, being wrapped in a thick nappy and thinking about such silly possibilities, I wished they were here now. However, a yawn overtook my thinking and I dropped into a dream world of no dreams... or if I had one I certainly didn’t remember it. # Come the morning and things were back to normal except it wasn’t because I didn’t have to get up for work. I was surrounded by various stuffed animals, including my old teddy bear which was in bed with me. I assumed at some point mum must have come in and removed the empty bottle and substituted the bear. I know it had been there a while because its well-worn ear was sopping with drool as I used to nurse on it when I was teething... and more as I got older. However, as normal, my nappy was soaked and I lay wondering how I was going to spend the day. Teddy looked a bit fed up but I was really pleased knowing he’d shared my bed. I rested him in the corner with a couple of other stuffies and began to remember the fun I used to have with these inanimate friends. I looked over at the clock and it was just after nine so mum had let me sleep in but I could hear movement downstairs. I lay there for a few more moments before deciding I should get up and at least start the day even if I had no idea what to do. I couldn’t call on Billy and Mark as they’d be at school and then the idea of seeing friends and having to explain why I wasn’t at work made me think twice about going out at all. However, mum popped her head round the door. “Ah sweetie you’re awake. Look I’ve cooked some bacon and scrambled eggs so why not come down and we can plan our day.” “I think I need to change...” “Nonsense love, come down now while it’s hot and I’ll change you after.” I think mum was beginning to like seeing me about the house wearing nothing but a nappy and I wasn’t averse to it either. So, I sat at the table and she’d cooked the streaky bacon very crispy just as I liked it. The eggs were scrambled to a ‘delightful consistency’, which is how I jokingly described them as we both tucked in. Again there was a sippy cup with orange juice in and the pile of bacon disappeared pretty quickly because I was very hungry and this was one of my favourite meals. Mum knew how to get my day off to a flying start. # A little later back in the bathroom mum released me from my damp unicorn heaven and made me shower. When finished I ambled back to my room to see all the clothes laid out for the day. It looked like we must be going somewhere because there was more than just a nappy waiting. Mum came in, “Right sweetie, let’s get you into a nappy and then... well... I think we need to go on a little journey.” I wasn’t sure what that meant but was a little reluctant to ask in case she said To Collins UK so I tentatively let her organise everything. She’d decided on one of my thick blue disposables and a pair of robust blue rubber pants, a matching blue onesie which fastened between my legs and pulled the padding up high against my crotch. Then she slipped a beige polo shirt with a blue stripe around the middle over my head before adding a pair of blue linen shorts. As I looked in the mirror I wasn’t sure if mum had dressed me like this accidentally or on purpose because I looked like Billy and Mark. “Mum,” I queried, “I look like I could be Billy and Mark’s brother.” “Really dear, I hadn’t noticed,” but I could tell from the way she’d said that she certainly knew what she was doing. “Well I think you look very smart and so do the boys when I see them out and about so... perhaps...?” She left it like that but there was a knowing look which I took to mean “I thought you’d be pleased with the outfit”, which of course, after the initial shock, I suppose I was. However, things were getting weird if mum was dressing me like them and their parents made them wear nappies because of me. The other thing I noticed was that this particular look was ‘flattering’ in another way... it made me look a good deal younger. Mum had liked the new short haircut from the beginning and had made a fuss about how cute I looked with a side parting and then a nice little quiff. So when I got out of the shower, whilst it was still wet, she combed it into that style and kept touching it up with a quick flick of the comb. She always looked satisfied when she’d got it just the way she liked it. Although my birthday was less than three weeks away at that moment I think I could have passed quite easily for a fourteen year old, Mark’s age. Anyway, one thing I did gather from the way I was dressed was that I doubted very much that mum would take me back to work looking like a school kid but still had no idea where we were going. As we went out to the car mum looked pretty in a pair of black slacks and a rather fleecy half-zipped blue top and I was feeling happily snug the way I’d been dressed. “Where are we going?” I felt able to ask as she turned on the ignition. “We’re off to see Granny and your aunt... we’ve a few things to sort out and I think you need to be there to add your voice.” I looked a bit anxious at this news and felt a little of the orange juice I’d had for breakfast dribble into my fresh nappy. “Oh, erm, do we have to make a decision today?” “Not today love, but Granny is insistent that she wants us with her and, as far as she’s concerned, the sooner the better.” “But what about wor...” Oh yes, I don’t have work any more so the verdict might already have been agreed. “Do I really have a say mum or are you just pretending I have?” “Oh sweetheart, um, Granny wants you to want to be there... and preferably by your nineteenth birthday...” “But that’s just a few days away...” “Well, nineteen days to be exact.” Mum smiled at the symmetry of numbers. “However, I gave all the arguments to her before I left at the weekend. The thing is... yesterday I brought her more up to date on your circumstances. She thinks that now would be a great time to start again but wants to speak to you directly so you know why she’s so keen.” I shook my head and sighed. “She’s going to say she’s old and dying or some such crap and that she needs me around for some ridiculously bogus reason.” “Now you don’t know that and I think you’re being a little unfair on mum. She has your best interests at heart and I’d be grateful if you listened to her without pre-judging...” “It sounds to me that I don’t have a choice.” I grumbled, now completely unhappy with everything. However, I got the feeling that decisions had already been agreed so it was just really to convince me. At least I’d get to voice my worries... and that led to another spurt of pee. Thank heaven I was wearing one very thick and thirsty disposable. # tbc #

Granny's house - is this just what a lad like Jason needs??