Wolfloveraby

Touche. Everyone's definition of normal varies from one to another, so to say that any one definition is more truer than another is impossible.

^ My favorite color is red. As for babyblue's question which hadn't been answered yet, the most people I ever saw in one place would have to be at least over fifty at one of my family member's funeral. < Getting ready to go to bed. V What's your favorite cartoon show of all time?

Ok, the second part I do agree with. I, too, feel that as long as it isn't hurting you or anyone else, it isn't wrong to do. However, with what I am dealing with and people's different thoughts on the subject, I have come to discover that "normal" is only a frame of mind of each individual. While it may be "normal" to one, it may not be normal to another. It's just like a question from The Matrix, "What is real?". It goes on to ask, "How do you define real? Is it something you can touch, see, smell, hear, or taste? These are just electronic impulses in our brain that can easily be manipulated." How true this is, I have been told one thing so many times, that I have come to believe it, and that is that one must always act their age and not to do so in any form is not "normal", so I have no way of seeing myself as being young and cannot "play" as I would wish to do so unless I can see myself as the young child again. I have to dress the part to be the part. Therefore reality or being normal is what one makes it out to be.

Ok, here's an example how judgemental people are around my town. I used to work the bingo games, and they have cops that would watch to make sure everything wnet smoothly. One time there was this cop who began to "play" with me by shooting a rubber band at me. When I attempted to "play" back by shooting it back, I was told that I really needed to act my age. So, here, in my town, even if there was enough snow to have snowball fights, even that would most definately be considered unacceptable. Also, yes jumping into puddles is also looked down upon. There are so many people that are judgemnetal here, that there is no way to have fun at all, even if it does not include a diaper. To them fun is gambling, drinking, partying, and/or doing drugs, all of which is not my idea of fun. However, you are "not normal" if you try to have fun in any other way. Yes I know what many may say or maybe they won't. "Well maybe you need to move." Problem is I don't have the money or the way to move, so I have to find the next best thing, which is work on my fears and still live here until I can move. However, I will say one thing though. I have listened to what everyone has said they see me as so much, that I can't really see myself as a kid to be able to play unless I myself can see myself as a kid, meaning I have to dress the part to be the part.

I am so sorry if I wasn't clear on my meaning. I understand that we cannot sacrifice our entire adult life, but I was reading a website that had five steps to healing your inner child and one of the steps is to learn how to play by going outside and just play as a child would play and give up the need to be mature. You are correct, however, in saying it still requires a perfect balance because they are saying that after all adult responsibilities are taken care of, it is ok to do this once in a while, but my fear stems from how the public refuses to allow me to not act my age even once in a while. All I ever hear is, "You're not a child anymore.", "You have to act your age.", "You're so immature." It is this that has given me the irrational thinking that it is not ok to once in a while give up maturity, and to heal my inner child I have to get past this.

Bonding with my inner child is the problem I'm facing. Yes I know that in order to feel whole we all have to be able to accept the child within. When I first put this post up, I never even knew about the inner child much less that we all had one. However, after a revealing experience that showed me that all this time I had basically been pretending to be strong and brave to face what I was facing and that there was an inner child in me that I had been refusing to accept. Now I have done a lot of research into it and found out a lot I never knew before, and so now my focus on this post has changed direction. No longer am I questioning why I became an AB, but now I am questioning how can I be what it is I know I am without fear of public opinion. I know I am an AB, and I do indeed have the strong urge to want to connect to my inner child to be whole again. One web page that I looked at said that one way to heal the inner child is to learn how to play by giving up the need to be mature and just playing as a child plays. Still, after many people I know have told me that I have to act my age and that I am not supposed to be acting like a child, I have developed a complex problem with being able to just be free to do so. Also this fear comes a lot from my overwhelming feelings of not wanting to be rejected and abandonded by those around me. I mean I know I have this website where you all do accept me, and it is some help to know that you all do. However, it would be much bigger help, I find, if I could somehow have others outside of cyberspace that would also accept me for who I am completely. Only then could I actually take the steps I need to in order to finally be alive throughout my whole complete self. "My spirit is sleeping somewhere cold, until someone finds it there and leads it back home". Some words from the song Bring Me To Life by Evanessence with a little revision to fit me.

I agree with this statement, although I have different words for it. It really annoys me when people only judge others based on face value only. If they chose to disregard someone just because of how they dress, what they look like, or on health problems they may know that person has, without getting to know them completely, then I feel that they may in all truest scence be losing one of the greatest friends they could ever have. Here is a quote most often used, "You don't know what you have until you no longer have it.", but I have to add this, "You don't know what you could have, until you no longer have the chance to have it."

I think they are ok. My cousin got me introduced to them and there was only one Album that I didn't like. I think it was Broken, but I'm not sure. However, there are bands that are far better. Even bands that are on the rise in this day and age. One that comes to mind is one that is now my favorite, Slow the Knife. They are a new heavy metal band from Houma (my home town). Their lyrics really fit me so much, and their sound is very unique. I got to see them twice, and on the second trip, I got to have pictures taken with them both with my camera and their own.

^ I'm in my living room right now < Just relaxing after a good day of swimming V What's the best pool (as in swimming pool) game have you ever played?

Thanks. I just hope my psychiatrist that I do see knows enough about inner child work to suggest something that could help, but as you said, no harm in asking.

As for inner child, if you would like to know more about it, you can do a web search on it and there are many articles on the subject and how to heal it. Also, there are many books they give reference to so that you can look for them and read about it. As for what you said about holding anything in killing you a little each day, that is exactly how I feel. Because I am scared of what others will think, I have to hide my inner child away from the public, and each time I do this, I feel like a little piece of me is dying very slowly. In fact, I wrote a poem in which one of the verses states: The child is sick and dies so slowly as its' kept so meek and lowly. As more and more of it dies, I feel I am losing more and more of my true self. In fact one of the websites says that the inner child is indeed sometimes refered to as the true self. I just want to live again.

Hi prob, I'm pretty much new here, but I guess I want to welcome you as well. It's always good to hear when a new person comes to understanding us more. It makes it easier for the ones who are kind of scared, as myself, to admit what they are. It took me a long time to come out of my shell, as I like to say it, because of the negativity of those who chose not to accept it nor come to an understanding of the lifestyle we chose and why we chose it. Again, welcome.

^ Very first thing I remember was sitting in a cop car crying my eyes out because they were taking me from my birth parents when I was 1 and a half. <Finding out more information on the inner child. V Did you know that the inner child actually holds on to all your memories from childhood and sometimes it can release them when you are unconscious?

Yes, I agree that no one ever said that this was one sided. However, people who don't understand a person's past, but do know about the fetish part and are unaccepting of it, tend to classify even those who don't do it for sexual reasons under the fetish term. As I said in a previous post on this topic, I have been looking into a lot of websites dealing with Adult Children of Alcoholics. Also I have been looking into a great deal about the inner child. One thing that stands out in almost all the websites is that everyone (whether they choose to accept it or ignore it) has an inner child. Those who ignore it, however, usually end up with depression, co-dependancy, and/or BPD. I have just recently come to terms with my own inner child, and I feel that the only way to become healthy again is to accept it, become it, and then find a balance between my inner child and my adult life. This is why I am moving toward becoming an AB. The only thing that keeps me from doing this easily is because, I am afraid of rejection and fear public opinion. Therefore, as I have always done, I tend to become whatever it is the person I am with accepts whether or not it is something I like myself. What advice can someone give me besides everything I have heard before like "Be Myself" or "Just Do It" or even "You Shouldn't Worry About What Others Think"? How can I become the AB I feel I need to become?