Personalias

It's all about the characters for me. If there isn't even one of your characters can't pass the Star Wars original trilogy test, then it's less interesting. The SWot test goes like this. Name the character: Now after reading everything available about that character, tell me about that character WITHOUT describing what that character looks like or what they specifically do in the movie. Example: Han Solo- Dashing rogue, devil may care attitude, doesn't like to show that he has feelings. (pass) C3PO- Kind of prissy. Uppity. Wants to be helpful, but really isn't most times. (pass) Jar-Jar Binks- Um...annoying to the audience? Cartoon rabbit that talks like a stereotypical Jamaican...I think that's what it's supposed to be anyways? (fail)That is to say, I hope at least ONE of the characters, preferably the main one, passes the test.

Chapter 16: Better a man in Hell… Dante was alone in the darkness after the Saint walked out. His legs lost their balance and strength and he collapsed to the floor, back on all fours. Saint Jude had said that as long as they were speaking, Dante could stand as a man. Clearly, the conversation was over. Dante sat there, alone in the darkness, waiting for something to happen. The darkness receded, and Dante’s senses were slowly barraged by a bevy of familiar of sights and sounds. Bluish gray indoor/outdoor carpeting, the smell of baby powder and crying. Lots and lots of crying. Dante was in a playpen, he concluded as the world came into view around him. He was all too familiar now with the mesh walls and padded floors. He turned his head to the sound of the crying. It was a girl, about his age, blonde, with her hair done up in a pink bow. She wore a pink t-shirt that was puffed up and frilled around the sleeves. Useless buttons ran down the front that made it resemble a blouse. Stitched onto the left breast of the shirt was a cursive “L

Dude! That's awesome!

Hahahahah! I like these characters already.

Ok, I'm gonna sound bad here, but which Hitchens? I'm missing yet another reference. Yeah, like I said earlier, this is all for entertainment. I'm as much a theologian as much as the writers for Supernatural are occult experts. But glad you're engaged in the story.

Chapter15: The Orpheus and the Saint Dante dreamt of bright, brilliant colors. They shimmered in his mind’s eye with the twinkling of a thousand diamond stars. Hendrix couldn’t top this. His dreams were a kaleidoscope ; mesmerizing, soothing. There were no troubles here, no worries, no nightmares. All was as it should be. Perfect comfort, perfect warmth, perfect everything. Dante opened his eyes and gave a yawn. His tongue absent mindedly probed his toothless gums, the saliva running over onto his chin. He couldn’t move, that was normal. He couldn’t see very much. The walls of his cot rose up around him and kept him safe, blocking his view, and he couldn’t pick up his head. His vision wasn’t focused anyways. All of that was normal, too. What was wrong then? He had felt like there was something bugging him at the back of his mind. Then it hit him: He was hungry. He was very hungry. He was very, very, very, hungry. There were no other words. If he didn’t get fed, something bad would happen, he just knew it. He hated being hungry. He wanted Milk, and he wanted his Mommy, and he wanted them right now! Dante began to whimper and mewl, calling for Mommy. Somewhere deep in the back of his mind he thought he was doing something wrong. There had to be a better way to communicate. Then he remembered. LOUDER! He cried out louder. He cried out louder and louder until he couldn’t even remember why he started crying! HUNGRY! That was it! MILK! After forever, he saw Mommy. She smiled at him, and made shushing noises. Dante suddenly felt cold as Mommy unwrapped him. He couldn’t pick up his head, but he felt his diaper become more slack as Mommy. Then he felt the cold baby wipes washing him all over. No Mommy! He didn’t want a diaper change. Even if he needed one, that wasn’t what had been bothering him. Dante redoubled his crying, though no tears came forth! He wanted Milk! Milk, Mommy, Milk! Dante was only vaguely aware as the new diaper was put on him. He wanted Milk! Mommy wrapped him back up and picked him up. At least now she was holding him. That was a step in the right direction. Then Dante felt the nipple brush against his cheek. He latched on and began greedily sucking down Mommy’s Milk! Joy! Rapture! The Highest of Highs! This is what it meant to be alive. Danted started to calm down as he suckled and Milk slid down his throat. Dante began to make soft little animal sounds as he nursed, and was rewarded with Mommy stroking the back of his head. He couldn’t love Mommy more than he did right then at her breast. He couldn’t love anyone more right then. This was Heaven. He mewled in protest again as Mommy switched him over to her other breast, but the absence of Milk was mercifully short lived. This was all he needed. Just this. This perfect little moment reverberating throughout all eternity. Finally, he was full and he stopped suckling. Mommy was making happy noises; she liked it too. “Guh deeter!

Should have checked Wikipedia first. My bad.

Yeah, I know. But they were tripping and speaking baby gibberish anyways. So it wasn't singing as much as the ultimate of harmless coincidences. The joke just popped up.

Is that bad?

Oh yeah. What's the point of the title? Dyson Sphere Diapers. Is it a reference that I'm missing?

What those other people said. But I say first and foremost you have to write for yourself. If you don't like your product, then no one else will.

I read the Doctor Who fanfic. I'm not even that big of a Dr. Fan. Loved it. Very creative. How do you feel about a Futurama Fanfic?

Chapter 14: Sunshine. Dante had been close, tantalizingly close to complete mental oblivion. Having slept through his actual death, Dante found skirting the edge of his adult threshold very similar to what many people must have thought death was like. As he had lain there in Lysa’s lap, he could feel himself losing things. Memories, concepts, and words had been slipping right out of him. Everything that he had was going the way of the dodo. It was like every bit of knowledge he possessed had been a grain of sand, slipping through his fingers. As he had looked up from Lysa’s lap, everything was leaving him. Reading, math, science, history, art…everything. Even little words escaped him. He couldn’t remember words like “food

Sorry folks. Been sick. Looking to post chapter 14: Sunshine by tonight, Tuesday at the latest.

NICE! Kudos on building a sense of excitement and urgency.

Thank you for the praise, but unless you're trying to copy my story, or do a remake of it, there's no need to compare. Comparing stories and writing styles is too much like comparing apples to oranges. Get those wheels turning and keep us all updated on how "Colony" is going!

I really hope you're joking! Please don't give up on writing your story!

Glad I could help! Mental powers, nice! I didn't even think that route. Very nice. Battle of the brains, I like. Makes some good drama. What if you made the parasite sentient, then? What if it talked to the main character in a voice only she could hear inside her mind? ie: <Stop struggling, vessel. It will all be over soon.> Thanks for the well wishes on my story, it's nearing completion with only a few chapters to go. What exists currently is up in the story forum; entitled "Dante's Infanzia" (Cheap Plug) I'm glad some of my stuff helped. I look forward to reading your work. What will the title be so I know it when I see it?

Ok, just read this thread. Neat. As I haven't even finished my first story yet, I don't know if I have the right to contribute; but if it's okay, I'd like start by asking some questions. These questions are in no way intended as criticisms, but if you can answer them- even to just yourself- it might give you a better idea of your story and make you more confident and comfortable in your writing. You already answered the first big one considering this forum: the role of incontinence in your story. It also looks like you know what you want from your story; pure good old fashioned entertainment. Two of the biggest questions are out of the way. Here are some more I thought up. 1. What is the point of view of your story for purposes of narration? Is it going to be first person? (Hard since there will be cut away scenes of what's going on at base camp, but not impossible, you can just have multiple first person views.) Is it going to be third person omniscient? Third person limited? How is this story going to be told in terms of what voices will we hear outside of the spoken dialogue. 2. Who are the main characters in your story? You've got a rough concept cast put together, but where are you thinking of prioritizing your attention on? The lone surviving scout? The whole crew, and narrowing it down as the characters get picked off one by one? Somewhere in the middle? 3. WHO are the main characters in your story? That is, who are they as people? What life experiences have they had? You don't have to answer this in your story, but you can use this question to form their outlook. If the lone surviving scout who is racing for the ship is a tough veteran who has seen some shit in his day (besides the stuff filling his pants...waka waka), he'd handle this whole alien wilderness, accidentally ate an alien parasite thing differently than a guy who is just out of basic training and this isn't what it said in the goddamn recruiting brochure. Same question goes for the people at base camp trying to survive as the monsters. How does the medic's priorities and outlooks differ from the soldier on guard? or the commanding officer? Just food for thought. Tiny things that can be tossed aside if you don't like them. NOW FOR THE CRAZY IDEAS. Super-powers or no super-powers. Speaking personally, I'd go super-powers with this. Love me the super powers. But make them semi-plausible. For example: if this organism is indeed a nasty nasty parasite, maybe it's slowly taking over. The bowels are just the first to go. But maybe there's an upside. The parasite wants to live, and when the main character is threatened..suddely a scorpion tale bursts from his shoulder blade and impales a beast, or chitinous bug armor envelops him. Basically play Resident Evil 4 and use the bad guy powers. If you want a happy ending, you can even have the main character take a nasty slash to the gut, right about where the intestines would be. The parasite is crippled but not dead, leaving our hero in the driver seat with incontinence AND bug powers. On the other hand, if the organism is more of a symbiotic species, maybe it pumps strange anti-toxins and endorphins into the main character's blood stream, giving him increased healing, or an adrenal surge. Maybe he bleeds acid. Maybe his muscles are rapidly being toned and shaped to peak physical condition. Maybe they thing in him filters out diseases and toxins. Etc. etc. etc.. Stuff that would basically put him at a captain america/wolverine power level of hero, complete badass but still seems within reachable human limits...but he's incontinent. Then again, would you have the balls to laugh at Wolverine in a diaper?

Thank you all for reading this far. The story's not over yet, though. Still... This chapter was very important to me as a writer, because it's one of two scenes in my head that really made me decide to give this thing a go. Thank you to everyone who has read this and encouraged me so far. I know most people who read these stories don't comment and never will. But if there was ever a time to give me honest praise or constructive feedback; THIS would be the time. Now on to your regularly scheduled programming.

Chapter 13: Threshold It had been Valentine’s Day when she had become a woman. She was 15 and the wait had been well worth while. Robbie had taken her out to dinner, and a movie. He had been a gentleman the whole night. After the movie, he took her out to lovers’ lane. He lowered the roof of his convertible so that they could see the stars. It hadn’t snowed that night, so the sky was clear. It was so still cold though, so they cuddled up close together. One thing led to another (doesn’t it always), and he started kissing her neck. Everything tingled. Everything. She felt his hands, his gentle touch as he nibbled on her ear. She melted for him. He could have asked for the world, and she would have given it to him. All he had asked was for her to get into the back seat with him and turn him into a man. She was saving herself for marriage. That’s what she told her parents, and all of her friends at school. But right then, she didn’t care. She was going to marry Robbie Simmons anyway, so it didn’t matter when they consummated their love. She was invincible. She didn’t know then that months later Robbie would bail on her as soon as she told him what he had done to her. Deny the whole thing. Call her a whore and a slut. So she said the only word she could thing of. “Yes.

Chapter 12: Lysa’s Lies. Dante sat in the stroller, eyes blank. Time and feeling had decided to take a backseat yet again. His intellect though was already playing catch up. It all made sense, now: The baby instinctively reaching for Lysa’s breasts, Lysa’s death glare at the wet nurse, Jamal’s crack about maternal instinct. Lysa saying she would never lactate, get pregnant or have her period AGAIN. God, how could he have been so naïve? (To be fair, he thought the AGAIN only applied to her period.) Even the Judy’s insistence on Caroline being Lysa’s baby “sister

Do you mean causes of incontinence and wearing diapers as in broad or specific? Cuz broadly, I think Horndog about covered it. I could think of a few specific reasons for main characters to be wearing diapers.

For the record: I'm not Catholic. I have some friends that were raised Catholic, but that's about it. This story is neither a support or condemnation of the Roman Catholic church, or any religion in general. The whole idea of this story came to me while I was skimming through the Divine Comedy, and remembered the bit about Limbo being where unbaptized babies went. Thank you all for sticking with the story thus far.

Chapter 11- Communion. Dante immediately told Lysa the next morning about the horrible nightmare he had had the next morning. “Don’t let it rattle you,